Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nightmares truly were not uncommon for Roy, but he luckily could say that nowadays, it was rare that they actually managed to wake him up. Staring up at the dark ceiling, he tried to recall what his dream was even about… all he could remember was a loud bang and waking up. Ishval was the easy guess, maybe Kimblee had been a part of it if an explosion was what finally woke him. Odd though, that he didn’t feel unsettled. Normally after nightmares, even the ones he couldn’t remember, sleep was impossible to reclaim. The discomfort and negative emotions were too strong to push through and he would be resigned to a night of tossing and turning before eventually getting up to start his day.

Roy Mustang, however, was not the man to look a gift horse in the mouth. If he could fall back asleep, he wouldn’t have to survive Lieutenant Hawkeye’s measured stare and far too many cups of the office’s terrible coffee. Turning to his side, he closed his eyes, before blinking them open again after a moment.

There was a book on the ground.

To clarify, there was a book, one that normally was safely placed on his bookshelf, face down and splayed open on the ground. That had not been like that when he had gone to bed.

Suddenly, a flash of movement darted from the second shelf of his bookshelf to the floor, and it took his mind a moment to catch up to the fact that there was something, a rat, skittering across his floor.

Roy Mustang did not shriek. He let out a very manly yell. Of course.

The rat froze at the sound, head whipping over to make eye contact with where Roy was now sitting straight up in bed.

Roy’s hand darted to the bedside table, grabbing for his phone without taking his eyes off the rat standing frozen across the room. After a few rings, he heard the telltale click of the receiver picking up.

“Riza. There is a rat in my bedroom. What do I do?” He hissed.

There was enough of a silence for Roy to wonder if the call didn’t go through after all, until he finally heard a very annoyed sigh.

“...Sir. Are you aware of what time it is?”

“Does it matter? There is a rat in my room, Lieutenant. Those things carry diseases! What do I do?”

Another pause, another sigh. “Sir. It is four in the morning and we both have to be in the office in just a few hours. I do not appreciate being woken up for something as ridiculous as this.” Roy might have been intimidated by the irritation dripping from Riza’s words if he was not staring directly into the eyes of something much scarier.

“Ridiculous? My life is in danger! This thing is huge! It can feel my fear! It’s going to try and eat my toes as soon as I step foot on the floor! Lieutenant, I can’t leave my bed until this thing has been caught. It’s not safe.” Roy was not being dramatic. He wasn’t.

“Godnight sir. I expect to see you in the office tomorrow bright and early.” The line went dead with an exaggerated click, and Roy was left alone with the rat once again. With a sigh, Roy set the phone down, but when the receiver clicked back into the base, the rat suddenly scurried away, under the bedroom door and into the rest of the house.

Roy did not shriek.

Roy showed up to the office the next day looking a mite bedraggled, bags heavy under his eyes and hair mussed. His uniform was even wrinkled, and when Lieutenant Hawkeye raised an eyebrow at his appearance, he scowled.

“Sir.” Somehow the lieutenant had mastered the art of asking a question and voicing her disapproval in just one word.

“Don’t give me that.” Roy huffed, smoothing his hands down the front of his jacket (though it did nothing to actually smooth out the wrinkles). “The rat could have been hiding in my closet! I wasn’t going to open it and be ambushed. So I wore the uniform I keep in the car for emergencies.”

Hawkeye shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before turning on her heel and walking to her desk to pick up a pile of paperwork. “You, Sir, are ridiculous. But you may make yourself useful and start on this paperwork before everyone else arrives at the office.” With that, she walked to his desk and slammed the pile right in the center, perhaps with a little more force than necessary. “And, if you are too scared to go home tonight in fear of your rat, you are more than welcome to stay up all night in the office and catch up on your paperwork.” Hawkeye sent him a sharp look before returning to her desk.

With a sigh, Roy turned to the coffee maker and started it brewing. Today was going to be a long day.

When Roy stepped out of his office for lunch, he had almost forgotten about his lackluster appearance. But then, Jean Havoc. Oh christ, sometimes Roy truly regretted having Jean Havoc on his team.

“Phew, chief,” Havoc whistled. “You’re looking rough. Did you perhaps have a lady friend over last night?” Roy didn’t need to look to know that Havoc was waggling his eyebrows in a ridiculous manner.

“No, Second Lieutenant. I just couldn’t sleep is all.” Roy started for the door, hoping to escape further interrogation. “I have to get lunch.”

“That sounds like an excuse if I ever heard one!” Havoc’s voice followed him through the door. “I’ll find out who the lucky lady is sooner or later!”

As soon and Roy stepped foot back in the office after lunch, he knew something was wrong. The office was far too quiet, save for Havoc and Breda stifling snickers.

Taking a deep breath, Roy leveled them with a deadpan look. “What?” Better get whatever this was over with so he could return to the peace of his office.

“Nothing Sir,” Breda smirked.

Havoc smirked. “The Lieutenant just told us about your mystery visitor last night is all.”

Roy sent Riza the most betrayed look he could muster, but she seemed unphased.

“Didn’t know you were afraid of rats, chief!” Havoc couldn’t keep the glee out of his voice and Roy braced himself for a thorough bout of mockery.

“It’s actually quite the logical ration.” Falman piped up. Thank you, Falman. “Rats carry a variety of diseases, and are held responsible for all known historical plagues. They can spread diseases such as hantavirus, typhus, leptospirosis, salmonellosis, and--”

“That’s quite enough information, Warrant Officer Falman. Very helpful.” Roy had to fight a shudder.

“Don’t worry sir, most rats are harmless!” Fuery sent Roy a reassuring smile. “One of my classmates had one as a pet when I was a kid. They’re very smart creatures!”

“While that may be true, I do not want a wild rat living in my house.” Roy made a face. Fuery shrugged apologetically.

“Just get a cat, Sir.” Breda shrugged and propped his feet up on his desk. “I hear even just the smell of them scares off rats and mice, if the cat doesn’t manage to kill them first.”

Roy crossed his arms. “I can’t just adopt a cat to solve this problem. I don’t have much time to take care of it properly, nor do I want to invest a small fortune into all the supplies I would need to do so.”

Breda took a sip of his coffee. “Why don’t you just ask the Elrics if you can borrow one of theirs until the rat is gone? Doesn’t Alphonse have a bunch now that they have their own place?”

“...Huh.” Roy tilted his head. “That might actually be a good idea.”

On the way home from work that day, Roy decided to stop by the Elrics’ apartment. He didn’t often show up to places uninvited, but the matter was urgent, and he was sure Alphonse at least wouldn’t mind. Approaching their door, Roy knocked and waited as he heard footsteps approaching.

“General Mustang!” Alphonse smiled as he opened the door. “What brings you over? It’s good to see you!”

Roy smiled warmly at the younger Elric. “Actually, I have a favor to ask of you. Have I caught you at a good time?”

Alphonse opened the door wider, stepping back to let Roy walk in. “You have perfect timing actually! Brother and I were just about to sit down for supper, but I made a stew tonight and there’s plenty to share. Would you like to join us and talk about the favor over food?”

Roy patted Alphonse on the shoulder. “That’s very generous of you, thank you. I’m sure the stew is lovely.”

Al laughed. “Brother sure seems to think so! It’s his favorite. Come on in, he’s just setting the table now.”

Roy followed Al into the kitchen and was met with a surprised scowl when Edward caught sight of him.

“What’s he doing here, Al?” Ed crossed his arms.

“The General said he had a favor to ask of us, so I invited him to join us for dinner to talk about it!” Ed’s scowl deepened, but Alphonse ignored it as he walked to the stove and ladled another bowl of stew. “Go ahead and take a seat General!”

Roy did so, smiling a quick thank you when Alphonse set the stew in front of him along with a napkin and spoon.

“A favor?” Ed glared at Roy before taking a bite of his stew. Apparently his irritation didn’t quite overwhelm his love of food. Thankfully he waited until his mouth was empty to continue speaking. “We aren’t a part of the military anymore, bastard, we won’t do your dirty work.”

“Ah, the favor is of a personal manner, actually.” Roy took a bite of his stew. He could see why it was Ed’s favorite, it was quite delicious.

“A personal matter, huh?” Ed scoffed. “What, did you piss off a lady so much you need Al to go smooth it over for you? Al may be an angel, but he’s not a miracle worker.”

Roy glared, but Alphonse piped up before he could respond. “Don’t be rude brother. General Mustang was very helpful to us when we were kids. The least we can do is repay the favor.”

“Whatever.” Ed looked to the side, sufficiently cowed.

“So what did you need, General?”

“Actually, Alphonse, I was wondering if I might borrow one of your feline companions for a week. A rat seems to have invited itself into my home and having a cat around the place for a while should do quite a nice job in scaring it off.”

“Oh!” Alphonse looked surprised. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that sir!”

Ed scoffed, drawing their attention. “You scared of a rat, Mustang?” He raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Roy leveled him with a glare. “Contrary to popular belief, one doesn’t need to be afraid of a rat to not want it in their home.”

“That’s perfectly understandable General!” Alphonse jumped in before Ed could snark back. “But... I just don’t know how comfortable I would be having one of the cats somewhere brother or I wouldn’t be able to care for them. They’re very spoiled and need to be given a lot of attention. I wouldn’t want them to get lonely while you’re at Central command, either.”

Roy cursed internally. Where else was he supposed to borrow a cat? “I see. That’s understandable, Alphonse, I know your cats are very dear to you.”

Ed snorted. “I’m sure the cat would be fine, Al. You can’t leave poor Mustang alone with the big scary rat.”

Roy ignored the jab. “It’s perfectly alright, I’ll just have to find a different solution.”

Alphonse hummed, looking thoughtful. “No, brother is right. Having a cat around is the easiest solution and I can’t just let you deal with rats all by yourself!” He tapped his spoon to his lips for a moment before snapping his fingers. “I know! You can borrow one of the cats, and brother can stay at your house to take care of them! That way they won’t get lonely and you can still get rid of your rat problem!”

Roy raised his eyebrows at the suggestion, but Ed practically fell out of his chair. “Woah woah woah Al, don’t volunteer me for that! Why can’t you go?!”

Al shrugged innocently. “Well, I have to stay here for Marjorie of course. She won’t eat unless I’m the one who feeds her, but she’s too scared to leave the house either!” Alphonse nodded to where a big fluffy cat lay in the corner. She was missing half an ear, and Roy thought that her face looked quite like someone had stepped on it.

“Well okay,” Apparently the bedraggled cat’s neurosis was severe enough for Ed to not even argue the point. “But don’t make me go stay at the bastard’s house for a whole week! I have research I have to do!” Ed crossed his arms.

“Well, we can’t just leave the General with his rat problem, you said so yourself.” Al smiled innocently. “And he has his own library, remember? I’m sure there’s plenty of books in there that could help you with your research, probably more than what you can find at the public library anyway, isn’t that right General?”

“Hmm?” Roy started, put on the spot. “Ahh, yes, I do have quite the collection, though I’m not sure if I have books on whatever topic Edward is researching.” This discussion was not going the way Roy had expected.

“He’s studying alchemical gas manipulation for an experiment! Your alchemy is based almost purely on that, I’m sure you have loads of resources!”

“I suppose I do... but—“

“Well then it’s settled! Brother can pack a bag after dinner and we can send you back with miss Lucy tonight so you don’t have to wait! She brings us mice all the time, so I think she’ll be perfect for catching your rat.”

“Wait, Alphonse, are you serious?” Ed looked panicked. “You’re not gonna make me stay with him for a full week, are you?”

“Of course not!” Al smiled, and did it look devious, or was Roy just imagining things? “You and Lucy will stick around until the rat is gone for sure! It’s the least we can do for the General after all he’s done for us. Hopefully she catches it quickly, I’m sure the other cats will miss her if she’s gone for too long.” Al stood up and grabbed his empty stew bowl before anyone could argue. “I’ll wash the dishes tonight brother, that way you can go pack!” Al shot one last look back at the table before grabbing the dishrag. “Lucy is the black and gold tortoiseshell if you wanted to go introduce yourself while Ed packs, General! She normally hides under the couch in the living room. She’ll love you, I’m sure!”

Ed was going to kill his brother. Alphonse knew how he felt about Mustang and he had just condemned him to spending a week (or more!) in close quarters with the bastard. He never should have finished off the last of the apple pie last week, he was almost entirely sure that this was Al’s twisted version of revenge. Shoving a couple outfits in his suitcase, Ed gathered up his notebook and loose notes relating to his experiments. The one potential upside to this whole fiasco was Mustang’s library, and Al was right when he said that it probably held a lot more helpful resources than what the local libraries had. As long as Ed focused on that, maybe staying with the bastard wouldn’t be too unbearable.

Walking down the stairs with his suitcase, Ed entered the living room to the sight of Roy stroking Lucy gently while Alphonse packed a bag of everything the cat would need.

“You like cats, Mustang?”

Roy looked up from Lucy, a faint smile on his face. “Well, I must say I prefer dogs a bit, but cats can be quite lovely. We had a few in the house I grew up in, but to be honest they were more like strays my sisters happened to feed rather than actual companions.”

Ed snorted. “Yeah, that’s how most of these started out as well. Al will find another stray to feed and then the second the weather gets cold, they’re suddenly inside and they never end up leaving.”

Al chose that time to swoop Lucy off of Mustang’s lap and into a padded basket. “Lucy will treat you well sir, she’s one of the first cats I’ve ever rescued and she’s very loyal. This bag has all her supplies along with a few treats and toys so that brother can keep her occupied.” Turning to his brother, Al put on a threatening smile. “You’ll be nice to the General, brother, won’t you?” He didn’t even wait for an answer before pushing the two of them out the front door. “Have a good week you two! I hope your rat goes away soon!” And with that, he closed the door, leaving Roy and Ed standing dazed on the doorstep.

“...Why do I feel like I just got evicted from my own home?” Ed mumbled.

“I think that’s because you just were, Edward. Your brother is quite the powerhouse when he wants to be.”

“You got that right.” Ed grimaced.

Roy just shrugged his jacket on, adjusting his grip on the cat basket before turning towards the car. “Shall we?”

Walking into the bastard’s house wasn’t quite as odd as Ed thought it would be, though maybe that made it odd in and of itself. The entryway had a coat rack and a bench with shelves for shoes underneath, and the walls had enough photos to make the place look lived in without being cluttered. Roy sat the cat down in order to take off his jacket and shoes, and Lucy hopped out of the basket to go and explore the rest of the house.

“Please make yourself at home, Edward. You’re welcome to leave your coat and shoes here, and I can show you the guest room before I head to bed. I have to be in the office early tomorrow, so I apologize for not being able to give you a proper tour.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Ed shrugged. “I’m pretty tired too, so I’ll probably just read a bit before going to sleep myself.”

“Perfect,” Roy nodded. “The guest room is actually right next to my library, so you are welcome to find a book in there to read if you so wish.”

Ed took off his boots and hung his jacket up before following Mustang down the hall and up the stairs.

“This is the guest room,” Roy opened the first door they came across and let Ed look inside before gesturing to the other doors in the hall. “That door is the restroom, and the door next to yours leads to my library. I can give you a more detailed tour of that tomorrow. My bedroom is the last door down the hall, and it has its own restroom so you can feel free to make yourself at home in the guest one out here. I’m not quite sure how early you like to wake up, but you are welcome to eat anything in the kitchen if I manage to miss you before I head to work tomorrow.”

Ed nodded, setting down his suitcase. “Thanks,” he shrugged. “I can run to the store tomorrow so that I don’t eat you out of house and home.”

Roy chuckled, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I’ll be honest with you, Edward, I’m not quite sure if you could. I’m not entirely helpless, but I still am quite the bachelor, so my kitchen is quite sparse as it is. I tend to just eat takeout most nights. A trip to the store might be a good idea for both of us if I’m going to be a good host.”

Ed would be lying if he said it wasn’t weird to see Mustang outside of a work setting, especially seeing him act a little awkward and humble. It made him uncomfortable. “Makes sense that you’d be useless in a kitchen.” Banter was normal, that was better. “I’m fine with takeout too if it’s easier for you.”

But Mustang just laughed lightly instead of slinging an insult back. “I won't turn you down. I’m not used to having guests.”

“Yeah.” Ed shrugged. “That’s obvious I guess.”

Mustang just shook his head. “Well, I'd best be heading to bed. Let me know if there’s anything you need. There should be towels and toiletries in the guest bathroom if you’d like to take a shower. Goodnight Edward.”

“Night, bastard.”

With that, Mustang walked down the hall and into his room, shutting off the hallway light.

This was going to be a long week.