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Katsuki was tired.
He didn’t get tired. He slept, hell, he’d slept in an extra hour today, even missed part of class, so why was he so damn exhausted? He hadn’t even been awake for twelve hours, yet he felt so impossibly sluggish. He had been too tired to do work in some classes and had nearly four assignments to get done by midnight. It hadn’t been a hard day, for the first time in a while, so why was it today that he broke? He only had about three hours if he didn’t want them to be marked late. He was a straight-A student, nothing lower than a ninety-eight damn percent, not a single bad mark on his report cards.
So why did he suddenly not care about the assignments?
He didn’t cry- he was Bakugo damn Katsuki, so why did he feel the warmth trickling down his face? He wiped it away quickly, full of shame- he didn’t cry. He wiped his palm onto his blankets, putting his feet on the ground with the intention of standing up.
Why did his limbs feel so heavy?
He hadn’t done much today, he didn’t train, he didn’t fight anyone, why were his arms so tired? This was downright pathetic. He couldn’t even stand up - how in the hell was he supposed to be a hero? He was supposed to be a machine, void of emotions. He was supposed to do his schoolwork perfectly, not a second late, he was supposed to be a machine- a child prodigy who would be the best the world had seen. He was supposed to do everything perfectly because he was told day after day that he was perfect.
High school, that all stopped.
He’d gotten the initial reaction at first when he’d shown off his quirk, but then they saw him. They say that he was mean and awful and they stopped even talking about his quirk. Bakugo had always been so positive that he was independent, that he didn’t need to rely on a single other person for anything. He wasn’t- god, he was so far from it. He had gone only a few months without a single compliment, without a single praise, and he was craving it. He was going through fucking withdraw from it. It was awful- he hated himself for it.
He knew that he had been snippier recently.
He hadn’t broken down like this for years, it’d been building up for such a long time. His brain was foggy and he could barely register what was around him. He wanted to be held, he wanted to be told that he was doing okay, a promise that everything would be okay. He wanted arms around his shoulders and he wanted a steady flow of kind words whispered into his ear, soft blankets wrapped around him and he wanted his hair played with. He wanted someone to bathe him when it was all over, to scrub shampoo into his hair and kiss his temple after they’d finished washing it.
He teared up when he realized he knew exactly who he wanted it from.
Because who else would he let come in that close?
Who else would he let his guard down around?
He couldn’t bother him, though. He had more important things to do than waste time on Bakugo, who was breaking down over something so trivial.
He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes- he couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t hungry, or the last time he didn’t have this damn headache. He was stressed, sure, but when hadn’t he been? He had nightmares- didn’t everyone? He drank too much water, he ate an obnoxious amount of food only three hours ago and now he wanted another full meal. He felt guilty every time he ate. Now, when he sat down, he could see a tiny belly forming and he hated it- he hated that he let himself eat, that he let himself go so easily. He let himself give in to the urges just because he was feeling a little more hungry than usual, couldn’t even control his damn appetite. Wasn’t it pathetic? Wasn’t he pathetic?
He didn’t cry.
He didn’t cry.
Bakugo Katsuki didn’t cry.
He was sobbing.
He rarely cried, but he couldn’t even stop himself if he tried. He was covered in blankets, buried in his bed, and surrounded by pillows and more blankets. He didn’t think about homework, didn’t think about due dates or anything other than the fact that he was crying and couldn’t stop it. There was a sickening pressure around his eyes that made him want to throw up, and a funny feeling in his ears like he couldn’t make them pop. He could feel his own tears growing cold against the blanket below him and it only made him cry harder. He felt gross as he reached for another tissue, wiping his nose and adding it to the pile in his garbage can.
He was breaking down, barely holding himself together by pulling the blankets further around him.
He hadn’t even heard the door open until there were a few creaky steps, but he’d thought he’d imagined them. He only covered his mouth with his hand, muffling any whimpers that escaped him and burying himself further into his pillows.
“Bakugo..?” It was whispered, hesitant, and it made his heart drop. At that moment, he didn’t care what day it was, didn’t know what day it was- he didn’t care for the time and he’d been so stuck in his self-loathing that he forgot about his damn study session with Kirishima.
Kirishima was standing over him. It was a child’s game. If Bakugo didn’t move, didn’t breathe, Kirishima wouldn’t see him, Kirishima would go away. If he didn’t open his eyes, didn’t come out from under the blanket, then Kirishima wasn’t really here, he wasn’t really seeing Bakugo at his weakest.
Weak.
Weak.
Bakugo peeked an eye open, he was setting his books down across the room.
Maybe they could pretend it hadn’t happened.
As he was sitting up, wiping his face with tissues and fixing his hair, Kirishima spoke.
“Y’know, I’m tired. I was... was wondering if we could just hang out, just for tonight? I’ll study twice as hard next time.” He gave an easy smile. Bakugo sighed, thankful. “Did you... build a... nest?” Kirishima asked, motioning to the bed. Katsuki looked down at the ground, ashamed. He knew Kirishima was looking around at the pile of blankets and pillows he’d built, room for him in the middle so that he was almost held by the soft items. In the middle, just by where his face had been, Kirishima’s hoodie was laid out. Kirishima took the sleeve, carefully rubbing it between his fingers. “Katsuki...” He murmured.
He doesn’t know why he broke again.
He wasn’t crying again, but the sickening tremble was back in his arms. He could only weakly clutch at his knees as his arms shook violently, a choked noise escaping from his constricted throat. He felt a stomach full of shame and embarrassment- Kirishima was right here and he couldn’t keep it together, all because he’d whispered his first name.
“Let’s lay down?” He was asked. He didn’t give any reaction, just laid himself down into his nest. He expected Kirishima to leave, why would he want to deal with this? Who would Katsuki force to deal with him when he was a shell of his usual self? He didn’t expect Kirishima to lay down behind him, pull the blankets up over the both of them and put a hand on his waist. His hand was big and warm, his thumb moving back and forth so carefully across his skin. “Is this okay?” Katsuki nodded, leaning back just slightly into Kirishima. He tried to hold in tears, “Let it go, Bakugo.” He squeezed his waist softly.
“’m fine.”
“You aren’t.” A pause, “And that’s okay.”
“I- I’m...” Why couldn’t Bakugo cry? “I don’t want you to see me cry.” He felt Kirishima shifting behind him- had he scared him away? He felt something press behind his shoulder blades.
“Can’t see.” He felt Kirishima’s eyelashes brush against his bare back. For some reason, it made Katsuki tremble harder.
This idiot.
This idiot.
“Get- get up here, Kiri.” He said, breathless. He turned around, ready to face Kirishima, even if tears were running down his face. He had to be brave. He trusted Kirishima. It was... it was okay to let him see him cry. He’d beaten him before, yeah, rarely, but Kirishima had still beaten him training before, he’d already seen him when he wasn’t at his best, maybe... maybe it was alright to let someone see him at his worst, especially if that someone was opening their warm arms so willingly.
“Katsuki... c’mere,” He whispered, opening his arms wide. Katsuki leaned into them, burying his face into the soft hoodie covering his chest. He trembled silently in his arms, not quite crying, but clearly not okay either. Kirishima pulled the blankets further up over them, his arms wrapping securely around Bakugo. He buried his fists into his hoodie, clinging onto him as Eijiro’s hands traveled soothingly over his bare skin. “Katuski...” He continued to whisper his name. “Be quiet for a minute, Kats. It’s all going to be okay, whatever is wrong, I’m sure you can get through it.” He paused for just a second, “I’m positive that we can get through it. I’m here so long as you need me to be, I’ll be with you through whatever you’re facing.” He felt his nose press into his hair, a shaky breath be taken. “You’re so strong, Katsuki.” He trembled.
“Can-” His voice broke, he swallowed shakily and tried again, speaking quietly. “Can you say more? Keep- keep talking?”
“Did you like when I said that? When I called you strong?” Bakugo pulled him closer, nodding into his chest. “You are seriously strong, Bakugo, on and off of the field. You kick ass every time you see a villain and you take down all of our other classmates so easily it’s... it’s hard to take my eyes off you. You already know that, though, that you’re good. It’s... incredible, it really is. You’ve been through so much, up here.” He felt fingers tap lightly against his temple, “And you’re still going at it, you’re still going to be a hero even after how much it’s affected you. You make me want to be a better hero. You’re my closest friend, I’m honored to know you, Katsuki.” Katsuki was about to thank him, but then he continued.
“You’re beautiful, do you know that?” He didn’t- no one had ever... ever called him that before. “You’re so, so pretty. Especially- especially when you get that certain look on your face in battle, when you know you’re gonna win and... and you smile, and you mean it, it’s... it’s just...” He let the sentence trail off. “And when you cook, you look so... at peace and... it feels surreal to watch you. And that one time we were out on the balconies at the same time and- and it was the full moon and you were just looking out at the trees and...” He took in a deep breath. “You’re... really, really pretty.” Katsuki pulled back just a little bit, enough to look at Kirishima. “You’re kind to me, it makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. When we fight together I feel powerful and when... when I took your hand at Kamino... Katsuki, I’ve never felt more relieved than when you smiled at me.”
“Kiri...” He was breathless.
“You’re sweet and you take care of your classmates, even though it’s not the same way that everyone else does. I know it’s you who always gets everyone’s sweets, and that it’s you who sewed up Mina’s favorite jacket, and you who fixed Kami’s stuffed animal, and made Sero a new beanie, and you’ve... you’ve done so much for me.” He whispered. “Bakugo, you’re smart and strong and I’m so glad that I know you. I- I know I said a lot and it probably doesn’t make the most sense but... but I mean it.” Katsuki could only blink at him.
“Eijiro...” His name melted off of his lips like sweet, warm honey.
“Katsuki.” He still hadn’t gotten used to hearing his given name.
“I’m... it’s not...” A hand came up to hold his cheek,
“Be quiet for me, can you do that, honey?” Katsuki’s mouth shut, and he nodded. He liked it, honey. “You trust me, right?” Bakugo nodded, “I need you to listen to me, alright, sweetheart? Kats... just this once, you don’t have to believe anything else, just this one thing.” Bakugo nodded once more.
“You’re perfect,” He purred, “and I’m so goddamn proud of you. I could go on for a... a really long time, but that’s all you need to know right now.” Tears were finally spilling, pouring over Katsuki’s cheeks onto Kirishima’s chest. He bit his lip hard- he has to stay quiet. Kirishima was stroking his hair like it was the easiest thing in the world, looking down at him with fondness in his eyes. Katsuki was on the brink of breaking. He hadn’t listened, had he? How many times had he spoken? “Good boy, do you see how well you listened? You let me talk, it’s okay that you did too a little bit, you still listened. You were a very good boy for me, Katsuki. You can talk now.” Katsuki still didn’t speak, instead, he broke down into Kirishima’s chest.
He sobbed, it wasn’t pretty, and he broke down into his sweater.
Kirishima let him break, held his arms around him as he sobbed. His hands were everywhere, they were on his sides and his back, trailing on his stomach and holding his face, in his hair and interlocked with his own hands- it was the one thing keeping him grounded as he cried. He didn’t say anything, only murmured his name a few times when he started calming down, when his muffled sobs were reduced to silent tears, and even those were nearly over with.
“Is that what you needed?” Kirishima asked, voice still soft and honey-like. “To cry?” Bakugo nodded into his chest,
“Needed someone to tell me it was gonna be okay, ‘n that I’m not a bad person.” He lifted his face from Kirishima’s chest, even though he probably looked gross, he wanted to see his eyes. “I needed you.” He watched his eyes water up, lip stick out just a little bit. He brought his hand up to his cheek, letting Bakugo nuzzle into it,
“Does this happen a lot?” Katsuki shakes his head.
“Builds up.” He whispers, a short answer. Kirishima nods, he understands anyway. They go quiet, basking in the moment for a little while. “If you tell anyone about this I’ll-”
“Blast your shitty hair off.” They finish in unison. Bakugo smiles wide, sniffling softly.
“Eijrio?”
“Katsuki?”
“Do something for me?”
“Anything.”
“Stay.”
Kirishima keeps the contact with Bakugo’s skin as he reaches to push a tiny tuft of hair back behind his ear, pulling back to thumb away at the tears that still rested under Bakugo’s eyes. Bakugo thinks it’s pretty; his teeth shine in a soft way as his lips part, the moonlight coming through the window and showing just how beautiful he was. His hair framed his face, a few strands reaching out to tickle the other side of Katsuki’s face. Eijiro smiled, soft lips stretching out in a way that was a bit rarer than his usual light-up-the-room grin, a gentle smile that was aimed right at Katsuki.
“I wouldn’t dream of leaving.”