Chapter Text
springhawk chat
7:45
Mortal Kharill: so. samakro is, for some reason - possibly the desire not to get demoted - not gonna mention this here, but he's no longer in command of the springhawk
The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill can we not start the day on that incredibly depressing note please and thank you
Mortal Kharill: you're not the captain anymore you can't tell me what to do
Mortal Kharill: in fact
Mortal Kharill changed The Fuckin Cap'n's name to Not The Fuckin Cap'n!
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill i swear to fuck
Mortal Kharill: you dont scare me anymore, first officer
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: big talk coming from the second officer
OctSCREAMo: hi there, people who are my superior officers, would you mind backing up a bit there and elucidating to us what the FUCK is going on
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: absolutely, octrimo, an indespensible and valuable member of the crew who we'd do anything for, im sure kharill (useless and replaceable) wont mind his arse being on the line for the fact that you all found this incredibly important information out via mildly illegal groupchat ahead of schedule rather than the official channels
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill, go ahead
Mortal Kharill: aha you know what im not really feeling my calling as a journalist anymore so i'll just
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: no no, please. the floor is yours.
Mortal Kharill: samakro, my most beloved and appreciated superior officer, do you want a cup of caf this fine morning
OctSCREAMo: captain he's bribing you, court-martial him
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: trying to* bribe me
Mortal Kharill: that's cold
Mortal Kharill: samakro i thought we were friends
Mortal Kharill: but anyways they're giving everyone's favourite piece of work command of the springhawk again
OctSCREAMo: by that do you mean the guy who got Syndic Thrass killed, or
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: mitth'raw'nuruodo, yeah
laknym: A moment of silence to pay respects to octrimo, the only one of us brave enough to swear at a co. How does he do it
OctSCREAMo: eh this whole chat is already illegal they can deal
azmordi: And nobody else sees the problem here? This ship is a nighmare. You're all breaking protocol.
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: nighmare
Mortal Kharill: nighmare
OctSCREAMo: nighmare
laknym: nighmare
Mortal Kharill: get his ass
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: you can just mute or leave the chat if it bothers you, azmordi
Mortal Kharill: he doesnt know how lmfao im honestly shocked he even knows how to turn on his questis
azmordi: The entire CEDF and I get assigned to the one single ship populated entirely by morons and assholes.
Mortal Kharill: hey it could be worse!! we could be under thrawn still
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill did you hit your head or
Mortal Kharill: no i realised as soon as i said it
Mortal Kharill: god going on the chat at this time is so boring, everyone's at work
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: do you want to be demoted twice in one day? becayse i can arrange that, you lazy arse
Mortal Kharill: haha okay first officer
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: i can and will make you run errands for thrawn lol
Mortal Kharill: i was never here, i love you bossman
OctSCREAMo: aww
Not The Fuckinq Cap'n: you too, octrimo
OctSCREAMo: yessir
Mortal Kharill: but sir you're also texting
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill, picture this: you. thrawn. you making coffee for thrawn. every day. atop your normal duties. whenever he wants some. you having to memorise how he drinks his coffee. i could go on.
Mortal Kharill: i have never said a word in my life i dont know what i was talking about goodbye
Not The Fuckin' Cap'n: GOOD.
thrawn hate chat
17:13
Kharill added Samakro to the chat!
Kharill: hello all of you excellent colleagues of mine, i hope your encryption is up to scratch
Samakro has left the chat!
Kharill: i anticipated this :(
springhawk chat
20:54
Mortal Kharill: nobody talk to samakro he's angy
OctSCREAMo: rip
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: im SORRY im the only one who cares that the mitth syndic straddled us witj a fucking FAMILY SPY
Mortal Kharill: lol chill they're probably trying to peep on thrawn, not you
Mortal Kharill: i would say something vaguely insulting yet affectionate there, but i didnt want to disparage you in front of the 6 remaining crew members who didnt mute the shit out of this chat when our fav mitth walked on board
Mortal Kharill: its almost like they dont want to get reprimanded for this kind of thing, or something
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: know that im rolling my eyes so fucking hard right now
Mortal Kharill: dont pop a blood vessel
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: shut up
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: you know how the caretaker got the job? some mitth syndic vouched for her, and curiously enough he's also p vocally anti-thrawn
Mortal Kharill: :( do you want a hot chocolate to help you calm down
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: from you? not on your life
Mortal Kharill: good cause i wasnt gonna get you one
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: arse.
Mortal Kharill: only the best for my favourite springhawk captain
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: that bar is fucking underground
Mortal Kharill: i know, that's the only reason you figure above it
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: hey
Mortal Kharill: FUCK SIR stop leaving me openings like this, sir, you're gonna get me court-martialled for insubordination
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: god i wish lol
Mortal Kharill: should i feel scared
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: only for your job security, and maybeee your reputation
Mortal Kharill: i think. i am going to do paperwork for now
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: but for how much longer?
OctSCREAMo: samakro really did wake up and choose violence huh
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: did you not see this man's baseless insubordination and sabotage
Mortal Kharill: :(
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill, a modicum of professionalism, please
Mortal Kharill: but we agreed the springhawk chat exists outside the scope of our employment
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: oh, sure, but that doesnt mean you suddenly get to act like a twelve-year-old
OctSCREAMo: eight-year-old. I happen to know a 9 yr old more mature
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: truly
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: kharill im ordering you to your quarters, given that you want to act like a child
Mortal Kharill: lmao
Mortal Kharill: lol my office light just went out
Mortal Kharill: SAMAKRO WERE YOU SERIOUS
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: dead
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: do you want me to tuck you in
Mortal Kharill: bring me some hot chocolate?
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: fucking perish
Mortal Kharill: please dont lock me in my room
Mortal Kharill: haha
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: i had no intention of doing so until you mentioned it
OctSCREAMo: rip kharill you will be missed
laknym: The funeral will be glamourous, it's what he would have wanted
Mortal Kharill: i am RIGHT HERE
Not The Fuckin Cap'n: did you i can block this app on the springhawk's network connection kharill. just for u
Mortal Kharill: YOU WOULDNT
OctSCREAMo: RIP
Mortal Kharill is offline!