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It was the telltale sound of a light tap on Ushijima’s window that woke him. Despite usually being a heavy sleeper, it was as if he was now conditioned to listen for it, after years of being woken up by the same noise, each around the same time of year: the winter holiday season.
The Shiratorizawa students had the option to visit home for the holidays, and as with every year, Ushijima had decided to stay at his mother’s house for the weekend.
But he still knew the sound of small pebbles hitting against glass. And knew exactly the person responsible. When he finally opened the nearby window, he found his expected visitor.
The redhead waved from where he stood in the back garden. “Wakatoshi-kun!” Tendou whisper-shouted, his hands cupped around his mouth. “Lemme in!”
Ushijima wordlessly closed his bedroom window and went downstairs to comply with his friend’s request. He slid open the back door, allowing Tendou in as if it were his own home. In return, Tendou sighed contentedly as he sat down in the hall to take off his shoes. “Man, is it cold out there.”
“Mm.” The other boy agreed. “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?”
What he also could’ve asked is why Satori wasn’t wearing proper clothes at all. Even when he did happen to come over at this hour, he wore jeans or his school uniform, but right then, he was only wearing plaid pajama pants, an oversized sweatshirt, and mismatched socks.
Tendou shrugged, a casual smile still plastered on his face. “I just didn’t think about it until after I left the house, that’s all.”
Ushijima quickly fetched one of his own coats from the closet nearby, wrapping it snugly around Tendou’s shoulders as he stood up. Tendou looked at his best friend in surprise. “Wakatoshi, what-”
“It’s at least a fifteen minute walk from your house to mine.” Ushijima reasoned in his usual, dead-pan way. “You could catch a cold if you don’t warm up soon.”
Tendou chuckled while he walked further into the house, holding the coat around himself, as Ushijima had requested. “You don’t have to worry about me so much, y’know.” He dipped his nose against the collar and inhaled quietly. It smelled like pine and orange rinds. Like Wakatoshi. “Oh, is your mom home?”
“No.” Ushijima promptly replied as the two made their way upstairs, to his bedroom. “It’s only me.” The brunet saw Tendou’s shoulders slack a little bit at that.
Satori fell backwards onto Ushijima’s bed and made himself comfortable there. Ushijima didn’t mind. They’d known each other for years, after all.
It seemed like he wasn’t going to be taking out the guest futon tonight.
As he climbed into bed next to his friend, he wondered why he simply let Tendou walk in and do whatever he wished in his house. Admittedly, it wasn’t like he’d let Reon or Semi do the same. Maybe it was Tendou’s ability to make himself at home, anywhere and any time. Or maybe- and this was just a thought- he was simply closer to Tendou than anyone else.
Which was why he was so worried now. He wasn’t concerned that it was almost midnight on Christmas Eve and that Tendou had come to him- he knew full well about his friend’s inability to sleep most nights. But he noticed one too many things off about him. His attire was one thing, but there was also something in Tendou’s voice that was unusually tight. Tendou seemed like an unshakable and consistent guy, personality-wise, almost every second of every day. His walls were tough to crack, but perhaps a year ago, Ushijima had learned, little by little, to peek through them and notice the small things about Tendou that no one else could.
Including the subtle signs that something was wrong.
“Did something happen?”
Tendou flinched at Ushijima’s bluntness. He expected nothing less. But he really hoped he wouldn’t ask. He smiled despite himself. “What, I can’t drop in and see my best friend just for the heck of it?”
Ushijima stared persistently. They were now laying facing each other, their heads resting on the same pillow. Deep brown eyes met tumultuous crimson ones. Tendou could never lie to Ushijima. No one could, really. But especially not him.
Tendou shook his head to himself, bundling himself even deeper within Ushijima’s coat, as if burying himself deep enough would make him disappear. “I’m telling you, nothing happened.” He forced a grin on his face. “Now go back to sleep, Wakatoshi. It’s gonna be a busy day tomorrow, remember?”
He turned to face the wall instead, but was stopped midway by a firm hand around his wrist. Tendou was no longer looking at him, but knew the other boy’s expression had softened significantly for him when he heard his voice had become impossibly gentle. “...Satori?”
Tendou shook his head again. Not here, not now. The plan was to come here, fall asleep next to Ushijima in his bed, and maybe feel a little better afterward. He’d done the same even when they were staying in their dorms, after all.
Then afterward, Tendou would slip out in the morning, like he always did. And they would act like nothing ever happened the next morning.
He didn’t need Ushijima to see him vulnerable. All he needed was to be his teammate. Adaptable. Reliable. Strong.
But maybe, underneath all that, he just hated the thought of Ushijima seeing him as weak.
“It’s fine, really.”
“Your voice is shaking.”
“I’m just tired.” He insisted, tears burning at his eyes. If he faced Wakatoshi now, who knew what he’d think of him…?
For now, the best course of action had to be to go to sleep and hope things were better in the morning. He could go back home early and sit by himself until it was time to see his teammates again, like usual. Things could be normal again. Once he was outside of his own home, at least.
“Satori.” Ushijima repeated. He pulled Tendou closer by the sleeved wrist. He wasn’t much for words- never was, really. What he did understand, however, were actions. So when Tendou didn’t budge at the sound of him saying his name again, Ushijima hugged his other arm around his slender waist and hugged him from behind.
Tendou gasped softly at that. “Wakatoshi…?”
“I don’t want to see you upset.” Ushijima said against the back of the other boy’s neck, the bass of his voice immediately reverberating all the way to the tip of Tendou’s spine. Tendou shivered at the sensation. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
The redhead sighed in exasperation, a faint grin threatening to overtake his lips- for what reason, he wasn’t sure. Was it the prospect of someone caring this deeply for him that made him feel that faint spark of true, genuine joy? “You’re too persistent.”
Ushijima didn’t respond. With the hand that was still wrapped around Tendou’s wrist, his thumb dipped under the sleeve and traced the scar lines along the inside of it. He found that there were some that were freshly scabbed over.
Tendou immediately hid his face in the pillow, hoping it would soak up the sudden shame leaking from his eyes now.
He’d told Wakatoshi he’d stop.
He told him a long time ago.
And he did, for some time. But now…
He could feel Ushijima still gazing persistently at the back of his skull.
Ushijima knew not to press. He knew not to scold Tendou, or to yell at him. He knew how much worse things had become when Tendou’s mother had done the same. He only held him closer, a certain understanding now between them.
Ushijima knew what was wrong now.
“You could’ve told me.” Ushijima breathed.
Tendou choked back a sob, one of his slender hands pressed desperately against his lips to muffle the sound. No. Not here. Not with him.
Why can’t you be normal for one goddamn second? He thought. “I-” Tendou took a shaky breath. “I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Satori.” Tendou didn’t budge. “Satori, look at me.”
Tendou, for reasons he couldn’t fathom, reluctantly did so, one of Ushijima’s arms still snaked firmly around his waist. The other hand, in which Ushijima had formerly held Tendou’s wrist hostage, now cradled Tendou’s face instead, wiping away tears with his thumb. The same hand which devastated entire high schools with its powerful blows and awed crowds with its ferocity… was also kind and loving when need be.
No words needed to be said as Ushijima waited for Tendou to speak. He didn’t rush him. He didn’t prompt him. He knew he would tell him everything if or when he was ready. They were best friends, after all.
Right?
Tendou took a deep breath, allowing Ushijima’s strong hands to keep him grounded. Steady. Yet he couldn’t keep his voice from growing hoarse when he finally knew what he needed to say. In the safety of the Ushijima household, being held by Wakatoshi, who looked at him so patiently… Tendou knew it wouldn’t hurt to let his walls down, if only for those few hours. “My parents are fighting again.”
Ushijima was all too familiar. “How bad was it?” He asked softly as his usual stony expression melted away.
“I think they’re gonna get divorced,” Tendou confessed shakily. “and it’s… Wakatoshi, I think it’s my fault. Every time they fight, it’s- it’s always about me.”
When Ushijima gazed into Tendou’s eyes, his own were filled with a fiery resolve. “I never told you this, but when my own parents separated, I thought it might’ve been my fault, too.” Tendou paused for a moment, awestruck. Ushijima explaining his feelings? This was… new. But not bad. Not at all. “I constantly heard them fighting over my future and what they thought was best for me.” He gently shook his head. “But it isn’t your fault, Satori. Parents… they don’t always work out. And that’s alright. Because if they truly care about you, they’ll still try to figure out what’s best for you, too, despite the troubles they might have with each other. I know mine did.”
Tendou leaned into the pillow, feeling the honest words settle atop him like a warm blanket. Ushijima always said how he felt, only saying what he knew. So when he was comforting you, it felt genuine. And that’s especially what Tendou Satori needed right then.
“...Thanks, Wakatoshi-kun.”
“Mm.”
Tendou let himself relax against Ushijima, knowing the truth was in the open. And it felt… better. Lighter. Tendou’s body slumped with the sudden exhaustion of having not slept very well the past few nights, and it was like the weight of the world was eased off his shoulders. Everything wasn’t immediately okay because of what Ushijima had said, but maybe it would help Tendou heal a little bit more.
“Wakatoshi?”
“Mm?”
“Hold me tighter, please?”
Ushijima blinked, still a little surprised at how direct Tendou was. He supposed he liked that about him. Ushijima was not by any means a roundabout person. He said what he wanted and what he thought outwardly. So when Tendou did the same, it almost brought them a little closer to truly understanding one another every time.
The young man quickly complied, wrapping both arms around Tendou’s torso and bringing him in, right against his chest. Satori leaned against the gentle giant’s chest and listened to Wakatoshi’s heartbeat as it calmly drummed on.
“Better?” Wakatoshi uttered quietly. If Tendou didn’t know any better, he’d think his captain sounded a bit flustered there for a second. He chuckled lightly to himself.
“Better.”
And for the first time in weeks, Tendou Satori slept soundly.