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Ranboo’s room was silent aside from the slight whir of his PC, struggling to keep pace as he wrapped up an almost 7-hour stream, the many social and streaming platforms left open on his desktop causing the device to lag ever so slightly.
“You should really head to sleep, big guy.”
Tubbo’s voice echoed through his headset. Glancing over at the ever-growing cluster of empty monster cans that sat upon his desk, Ranboo knew that there was no way in hell he’d be falling asleep anytime soon.
“Says you. I can hear the birds outside your window, you know.”
“Yeah, but you know my sleep schedule’s messed up. I’m saving you before it’s too late.”
He laughed. “No can do.”
A comfortable silence washed over the nonphysical room surrounding them. Electrical currents seemed to rush through the atmosphere, warm and energizing. “Can you really hear the birds?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” Tubbo breathed. “I didn’t- I don’t think I can hear them through my headphones.”
“Take them off.”
“If I do, I won’t be able to hear you.”
“That’s alright. You’ll put them back on in a minute.”
The other end of the line fell silent. Tubbo had presumably lifted off his headphones as he listened attentively to the songbirds outside his window.
“Why do they always do that?”
Ranboo laughed. “What, sing?”
“Every morning they sing. What’s the point?”
“I think it’s like, a way of defending their territory. You know, making sure others don’t come near their families.”
“The males are the songbirds, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I wish I was a songbird. They sing so lovelily, you know?”
“Your singing is lovely as it is.”
“You don’t-” Tubbo faltered in an attempt to gather his thoughts. “Surely you don’t mean that.”
“Of course I do.” The line that divided fantasy from reality seemed to blur, and Ranboo found that his mind-to-mouth filter seemed to have disappeared under the influence of the cool, silvery moonlight that fogged his mind.
“I love your voice.”
“Please. My voice always cracks, and I can never get a tune quite right. The melody seems to dip whenever I sing.”
“But that’s exactly why I love it!” A slight sense of desperation crept into his tone. “Your music has personality. I can hear the smile in your voice when you belt out the lyrics to your favorite songs, the cracks that come so suddenly with your bursts of laughter. When you sing, it sounds like honey. It’s sweet.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. ‘Oh.’”
Tubbo hummed. A habit he'd formed when pondering what to bring to the conversation next. Ranboo's eyes drooped, until-
“Why don’t you sing?”
Ranboo shrugged, a habit he’d formed even though he knew Tubbo couldn’t physically see him. “I don’t like my voice all that much.”
“I bet that I would. If you can find a reason to like my singing, surely I can find something to appreciate about yours.”
“Mm, I doubt it.”
There’s a pause.
“Yeah? Why don’t you prove it?”
“Tubbo, I’m not-”
“I’ll sing it with you,” he suggested half-jokingly. “Make you more comfortable with the idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
A contented hum escaped Ranboo’s lips. Half of him- perhaps the logical half of him - told him that showing vulnerability like that would be a rather dangerous move. But on the other hand- this was Tubbo. Tubbo, who he trusted with anything and everything. If there was anyone he was willing to be open around, it was him.
“Nervous?”
“A bit,” he admitted hastily.
“You know, we don’t have to if you don’t-”
“I want to,” he blurted. “I do, I just- give me a second.”
“Of course.” There was no bite to his tone. Tubbo’s voice always seemed to soften the moment Ranboo hesitated. Something about the boy felt so easy to read- a deeper, non-verbal understanding running between the two.
“What if,” he mumbled through the headset, “ I sing, and you join in whenever you’re comfortable?”
“That works,” he nodded into the mic.
The audio began with an audible crack, the boy’s voice low and gravelly from exhaustion. The light, slightly out of tune strum of Tubbo’s ukulele could be heard from somewhere across the line.
“You only pass through my city every once in a million seconds on a broken clock. Yet we talk like we’re living only miles, only minutes from another just around the block.”
Warmth washed over him as Tubbo’s voice flooded his senses. Familiar chords were struck, resonating within his mind as the boy’s fragile voice danced throughout the room.
It wasn’t clear at what point he’d begun to hum along. With both of them slightly off-tempo and drastically different in pitch; they met one another halfway, creating a less-than-rhythmic melody. Surprise and relief came crashing down over him as he concluded that everything felt a hundred times safer when it was Tubbo on the other line. Where he expected to find discomfort- maybe even embarrassment- he instead discovered warmth. Something seemed to click. Affection blossomed throughout his chest as a wave of fearlessness seemingly overtook him.
“As I stare at my screen, shining blue and green, all alone in a coffee shop-”
A shaky breath could be heard from Tubbo’s end of the line
They were less than melodic. Though neither seemed to care, Ranboo could hear the smile in Tubbo’s voice as he sang. His voice cracked with raw emotion, which to Ranboo’s joy, only made him sing louder.
“ I can’t help but imagine what maybe could’ve happened if you weren’t just an online love. ”
Tubbo hummed half-heartedly as the song came to a stop, strumming a few final chords on his uke before setting it down on his desk, the clack of its wood against the surface echoing through the instrument’s base.
“You sing quite beautifully, you know?”
Ranboo chuckled. “I wouldn’t go as far as to call it beautiful. I mean- I know I’m not bad , but I’m not good, either.”
“Mmm.” Tubbo hummed in thought. “I think it’s all about perspective. You said that you like my singing because of its imperfections. I think- I get what you mean now.”
“I suppose so.”
“It’s like- your brain associates the voice of people you love with, I don’t know, happiness?”
“Aww- you love me?”
“I-” a pause. Tubbo’s hesitation implied he hadn’t meant for those words to slip his mouth. “-I suppose so, yeah.”
Cute . “I love you too, Tubbo.”
“You’re a sap, you know that?”
“Mmm. I’m sappy when it comes to the people I love.”
“You’re being awfully bold tonight.”
“Am I?”
The whirring of his computer seemed to grow louder with every passing second the silence continued. The soft hum of lo-fi played at minimum volume through his headphones, granting him the slightest amount of distraction.
“When you say you love me,” Tubbo sounded slightly choked, the hesitance in his tone lay thick on his words. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well,” Ranboo paused, thinking through his next words carefully. There was no chance in hell he’d let his feelings for his best friend slip without absolute confirmation that they were requited. “I care about you. More than I care about other people. I want-” he had to slow himself as to not let the words tumble out of his mouth without a second thought. “-I want you to be happy. Because when you’re happy, I’m happy. I can’t explain it, but it almost feels like our emotions are connected.”
“Like soulmates.”
“What?”
“You said- a while back you said that you believed in soulmates. That’s what you meant by that, yeah?”
“More or less.” Is this pushing it?
“Elaborate.”
“When I say I believe in soulmates, I don’t believe that the universe has some pre-picked partner you’re bound to meet and fall in love with. It’s like- souls aren’t predetermined. You shape them yourself as time goes on. And you never actually stop shaping yours, because us as people- we aren’t always consistent.”
“Isn’t that just your personality?”
“Part of it is. But you know that feeling you get when you meet someone new and it just works? When you don’t know them at all yet there’s this unexplainable mutual understanding between you. It’s because your souls- at least at that moment- are aligned.”
“Do you think we’re soulmates?”
A nervous laugh. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Do you reckon you’ve got a soulmate?”
Tubbo’s words were barely a whisper. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d heard him right.
“Do I have a soulmate?” A hum of confirmation came from the other end. There was a moment’s hesitance before he received a reply. “Yeah, I think I’ve met someone.”
“Is it someone I know?”
This boy’s playing games with my heart and he doesn’t even know it, Ranboo thought silently to himself. “I’d say so. Might even go as far as to say you know them pretty damn well.”
“Easy there, bossman,” Tubbo joked, “you’re getting my hopes up a tad bit high.”
“I’m getting your hopes up?”
“Something like that.”
Ranboo felt his breath hitch. Feeling ever so slightly bold, he queried; “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Have you met your soulmate?”
Tubbo hummed. “I think so? I mean- with what you described, I can name two off the top of my head.”
“That’s more than I can. Do you- do you mind telling me who?”
“Tommy. He’s- dear god, don’t ever tell him I told you this- he’s like my platonic soulmate. One of those people you know you can trust the minute you meet them. We just sort of clicked, and- I’m gonna be honest, I trust him with my life.”
“Oh, for sure.”
“But there’s this guy,” Tubbo began slowly. “I haven’t known him nearly as long. Yet there’s a similar feeling. It’s almost protectiveness. I want to know what he’s like when he’s vulnerable, what makes him giggly and what makes him cry. I want to know what his hugs are like, what he might do if I were to run my hands through his hair. I want to know if I were to kiss him whether he’d kiss me back.”
“Sounds like you’re in love with him.” Tubbo tried not to notice the hint of solemness in his tone.
“Not exactly. It’s like- I could love him in time. If I allowed myself to. Online relationships are complicated, it’s difficult to tell whether you’re in love with the person or their persona.”
“Mmm. I get that.”
“You do?”
Ranboo swallowed. “Yeah. The person I mentioned earlier- I met them online, too.”
Stop it. Don’t you dare make me hope. “What are they like?”
“They’re kind.” The hesitance in his voice- it was too obvious for him not to notice. “They’ve helped me through more than I think they realize. I haven’t even known them that long, but it almost feels like they know me better than anyone else. Like- when we first met, it didn’t feel like talking to a stranger. More like I’d run into an old acquaintance. I want to grow closer to them, I do. I just don’t know how to tell them. Too scared I might be rushing into things, thinking with my heart and not my head.”
“You’d like to meet up with them before making a final decision.” It was more so a statement than a question.
“Yeah, exactly.”
“Mmm. Guess we’re in the same boat then.”
“I guess so.”