Archive of Our Own ^beta

Pressing send on the last mail for the day, Goro slams his laptop shut, hastily puts on his sandals and practically skips out of the door, Ann shouting behind him to not take too long or he will miss dinner.

Dinner can wait today. He has more important things to do after already losing half the day to work.

The warm breeze hits his face as soon as he steps out onto the cobblestone pavement and Goro takes a moment to just close his eyes and breath in the fresh sea air, feeling a smile curl his lips up. He has only been here for three weeks now, but it already feels like a part of him has permanently taken residence in this small coastal town his best friend dragged him to for a much-needed vacation.  

He's not sure if it's really only due to the calmness of the town and the beautiful view that the very idea of leaving everything he learnt to love about this place behind puts him on edge.

Leaving him behind.

Gnawing his lip, Goro gently pushes the thought back for another day, like he does every time it resurfaces until he knows he won't be able to escape it anymore. The sun is already starting to set—it would be foolish of him to wallow in useless feelings now and not make the most of his evening.

So he starts to make his way down to the beach, the sounds of the waves getting closer and closer with each step. 

He passes by the street market. People are bustling about all around him: locals finishing their evening shopping, tourists trying to decide on what to bring home from the dozens of cozy little stalls and a few vendors already packing up for the day. Goro lets his eyes roam over rows of colourful fruit, fresh pastries and little trinkets, not feeling particularly drawn to anything but still interested in taking something with him down to the sea.

His eyes get caught on a small table a bit to the side, unassuming, no one paying any attention to the jewellery on display or the old lady sitting on a stool beside it. She stares at him almost like she can read his thoughts and he has to swallow down the uncomfortableness of it all.

"Is this rust-proof?" he finds himself asking, pointing to the wares.

She gives him a knowing grin. "Why, of course. Boy, are you trying to impress a mermaid?"

Goro bites the inside of his cheek. She's just joking, but... "Something like that."

Not exactly a maiden.

"My, then feel free to take a look! I heard that they love pearls the most, though," she chuckles. "Greedy little things."

Goro chooses not to comment on that, even if he has to admit that the last part rings true. This is just the usual folklore marketing he has heard a hundred times during the last few weeks already—there’s nothing real behind it.

Nevertheless, his eyes get caught on a particular piece of jewellery. A flash of shining silver eyes invades his mind and before he can think it over, he's already reaching for his purse, not caring in the least bit about how expensive this spontaneous idea is going to be for him.

He quickly makes his purchase, thanking the old lady and ignoring the comment about better being sure about "her being the right one". Ridiculous words that float right past him. He knows that there’s no better recipient for his gift.

With that, he makes his way through the people and down the cobblestone path that's become achingly familiar to his feet over his short stay. The beach is right in front of him and he spots a few groups enjoying the last rays of sunshine and splashing in the water. It’s a beautiful picture—the glittering sea calls out of him, beckoning him closer with each sparkle of sunlight on its surface.

This is not his destination, though, and so Goro continues on until he's walking over the cliffs and climbing over stones, the sound of people fading and ultimately disappearing altogether.

When he arrives at the small cave, a smile curls his lips up as he sees that someone's already waiting for him in the water, splashing around and happily trilling when he notices him approaching.

"Goro!" Ren calls out to him, "Finally! I almost grew tired of waiting." He swims closer to the stone Goro sinks on until he's close enough to touch, humming softly.

Goro feels warmth spread through him at hearing that lovely voice and seeing the merman's beautiful face right in front of him, silhouette accented by the golden sunlight behind him. His black curls are already starting to dry, fluffing up beautifully in all directions. He yearns to reach out and touch them. 

"I had to take care of something first," he mumbles apologetically. "Even though I'm on vacation, work has been just as strenuous."

Ren hums and reaches for his hand that’s not supporting his weight, taking it between his own two. "Take your time if you must. I'll always wait for you."

That sentence should probably not affect him as much as it does, but Goro has long since stopped wondering about these strange new feelings that make him smile and bring warmth to his cheeks.

He feels the roughness of Ren's palms, the water from his hands transferring over to him and running down his arm, the coldness of the many rings Ren is wearing today. Goro thinks there's no better feeling in the world. 

This has become its own little ritual over the course of the weeks: greeting each other by just holding the other’s hand for a little while. Apparently it's normal in Ren's culture to seek out contact when meeting again or even when just casually talking—Goro isn't too sure, but he's willing to learn as much as he can about the other. 

He watches the merman's silver eyes close in bliss and a soft smile appear on his face as he nuzzles his face against their joined hands and he prays the other can't feel his pulse quicken up under his skin. 

They stay like that for a moment, the sea quietly lapping at the cliffs beside them and caressing Ren's form gently. Out of the corner of his eyes, Goro suddenly sees a flash of ruby red splashing in the water behind him.

He can't suppress a snort.

Ren's eyes immediately flutter open and he pouts. "What?"

"You're affectionate like a cat," Goro chuckles. "Swishing your tail around, headbutting me and all."

"A cat?" Ren tilts his head curiously. "I wanna see a real cat, Goro."

Goro sighs. "If I had one, I would show you." It's another uncomfortable reminder of the difference between them—He knows that Ren knows much about the human world from people watching and what his pod has told him over the years, but actual contact is something foreign to him. Maybe that's why he latched onto Goro so easily after he rescued him, asking many curious questions in the beginning and always touching his hand, his leg, his hair whenever he could. Goro never stops him.

"Then get one," Ren commands with a pout.

Goro shakes his head, smiling softly. "It's not that easy. Maybe someday, though."

Someday implies they will see each other again, right? Goro hopes Ren would really wait for him. No, scratch that, he wishes they wouldn't have to be separated in the first place. Maybe he could find a job here. Get a nice place by the seaside. If he taps into his inheritance money, it should be possible for at least a few months-

"You're making that thinking face," Ren interrupts his thoughts. "Like this." He puts on an exaggerated frown and Goro grimly wonders if he's really looking like that.  

"Having fun, I see," he scoffs and Ren trills in amusement, splashing him with his tail. "Hey, watch it!" Goro exclaims, trying to shield himself from the droplets, more out of reflex than actually caring about getting wet.  

"Pay attention to me next time," Ren laughs and dives backwards into the water before resurfacing, shaking the water off and getting it all over Goro once again.

He huffs in mock-anger and splashes him back, but of course the merman doesn't seem to mind, instead trilling joyfully when the water hits him and leaning into it.

Goro doesn't think he will ever as much as look at another human being again now that he knows how beautiful Ren looks with his eyes shining in such delight.

"So what have you been up to?" Goro asks him out of habit.

"Hm, not that much," Ren says, swaying his tail in the water and leaning his head on his arms on the stone beside Goro. A particularly clunky ring on his hand is visible from the new angle and Goro realises the answer to his question himself.

"That ring is new," he states and predictably, Ren smirks.

"Do you like it on me?"

"Once again stealing jewellery from unsuspecting tourists. You do remember I'm a detective, little thief?"

Ren chuckles. "What are you gonna do, arrest me?" He pushes himself off the stone and swims backwards. "Try and catch me first."

Taking one look down into the murky waters, Goro gulps and shakes his head. "I'd rather let you run."

"But it would be so fun to swim with you and show you my favourite places!" Ren pouts and comes closer once again now that he sees that Goro is not rising up to the challenge.

"You know I don’t like being underwater," a sigh escapes Goro. “And by extension, swimming in general.”

Ren takes a look at his bare knees in the short khakis he's wearing, poking them like he does every so often. Goro doesn't flinch anymore—curious prodding has become something normal to him by now. "Those look useless anyways. You don't need those to swim."

"Excuse me? Useless?" All that cycling couldn't have been for nothing, could it? "But believe me, I'd rather have a tail and live in the sea like you do."

Ren hums in understanding. Goro knows that he won't ask further questions—they talked a great deal about their shared desire of escaping their mundane lives and getting to know the other's world already. "I mean, I would suggest we trade, but then we'd still be stuck in the same situation."

"You're right. Maybe we should appreciate what we were born as."

“But I don’t want to," Ren grins. "Besides, the others always tell me I’m a human at heart!” He laughs and to Goro's ears it sounds like a melody. Suddenly, jumping into the water and joining Ren doesn't seem that bad of an idea anymore. Aren't sirens the ones supposed to entrance you with their voice?

"Hey, when do you have to leave?" Ren asks then and the spell breaks as if someone dumped ice cold water over Goro's head.

He steadies himself and forces the word past his lips: “Sunday.”

It's not like Ren doesn't know already. They have been avoiding this topic for quite a while, always just stating how long they have left, dancing around the fact that both of them don't want to say goodbye yet.  

But two days is all they have left now. Maybe it's really time to address it.

Goro only notices himself shaking when Ren's hands wrap around his own once more. "Hey, it's okay," he says gently. "Just wait for me. I promise we will see each other soon enough."

Waiting for him? It's not like Ren could just swim out to Tokyo and live in the dirty rivers. No, it depends entirely on Goro if they will see each other again.

Ren's promise feels empty to him, but he doesn't say that.

Instead, he nods, takes a deep breath and pulls one of his hands from Ren's hold to pull something out of his pocket.

"I have something for you today."

Ren's eyes light up immediately and his tail splashes around excitedly. "Ooh, what did you get me? Is it more sushi? Show me!"

"Patience. Come here and close your eyes."

His hand remains in his pocket while he waits for Ren. The merman couldn't be more excited, immediately swimming as close as possible and leaning right into Goro's space, closing his eyes and waiting. He's already opening his mouth in anticipation of free food.

Goro desperately tries not to think about how they have never gotten this close to one another—they are face to face now—as he pulls the piece of jewellery out. "Hold still," he warns Ren before carefully putting the ornament on his head. The merman shivers visibly and trills softly as Goro slides the two combs through his dark curls on each side of his head to secure the headpiece.

Nothing could have prepared him for the onslaught of emotions when he sees how utterly right the headpiece looks on Ren. A circlet of shimmering pearls adorns his hair now, small red gemstones hanging from short silver chains between them and getting caught in his curls. They glitter beautifully in the evening sun.

A strange kind of possessiveness takes hold of Goro's heart. 

It’s him who made him look like that. Ren is wearing something he picked out just for him alone. Even if Goro was back at home in Tokyo, Ren would remember him every time he wears the circlet. Maybe he would smile and remember the moments they shared together. Maybe... maybe he would miss him too.  

Gifting him the circlet almost feels like laying claim to him.

“You can open your eyes if you want,” Goro says, the words coming out much gentler than expected.

Ren’s eyes flutter open immediately and his hands come up to touch the headpiece curiously. Goro watches him trill happily as his fingers run over the chains, gemstones and combs.

When he touches a pearl, his motions abruptly stop and his eyes widen. Ren pales, staring at Goro as if he grew another head.  

“Are you okay?” Goro asks nervously. Not that he gave the words much thought, but if the old woman lied to him and merfolk actually despise pearls...  

“Am I- I... Can I...” Ren stutters, quickly looking away from him, his entire frame trembling. His ruby red tail nervously twitches in the water. “Goro... is this really... for me?”

Goro’s heart stops in his chest as he finally realises that Ren is not trembling from discomfort—no, far from it.

After showering him in little trinkets and stealing Ann’s snacks for him on more than one occasion, Goro wouldn’t have thought that an accessory of all things would evoke this much of a response. He thinks he can relate, though, having received his first real birthday present from Ann only a few years ago and promptly breaking out in tears.  

Is Ren not used to real, personal gifts either? Should Goro have used his time on the island better and bought him more jewellery? Particularly with pearls, since they seem to be the thing that really threw Ren off guard?

“Of course it’s for you,” the words come out as nothing more than a whisper, afraid to disrupt whatever atmosphere they have right now. “I didn’t make it myself, though, if you think that...”

“Doesn’t matter,” Ren stammers out. He meets Goro’s eyes for a second and then looks away again, almost as if he’s embarrassed, worrying his bottom lip. His hands come up again to touch the headpiece. “I need a mirror,” he mumbles, fingers caressing the pearls gently, as if they could break any moment, “right now.”  

“I could get one from the house?” Goro offers nervously, even though he knows that the walk back now would take too much time. Time that he would rather spend with Ren.

“No, I...” Ren starts, but breaks off. He takes a deep breath, his tail slowly relaxing behind him. “Wait here. I’ll be back shortly.”

And before Goro can ask him where he’s going or why it can’t wait until their time is up today, Ren has disappeared into the water with a resounding splash already.

Only now that he’s alone does Goro allow the current of emotions to wash over him. He groans and hides his face in his hands, somehow ashamed. What if it was too much? Or even worse: What if Ren thinks it’s weird of Goro to gift him something like this when they have to separate in just a few days?

But he can’t deny how right it felt to put the circlet on Ren. How gorgeous his merman looked with his silver irises shyly looking up at Goro, so full of wonder and unspoken questions. The way he wanted to reach out, pull him in and never let go.

Today his desire to be closer to Ren burns stronger than ever. Goro doesn’t think he would be satisfied by a mere touch or caress now. He yearns to join the merman in the water, pull him close and map out his whole body so he never forgets any part of it, tangling his hands in his soft curls and pulling him in for a kiss that would drown him the sweetest way.

Goro clenches his teeth and tries to force those ideas to the back of his mind. It’s shameful how his thoughts have derailed during the past few days. Yes, there’s undeniably something between them, but Goro doesn’t know if he’s just being hopeful or if all mermen are this affectionate. 

And besides—this has no future. Even if Ren were his, realistically it would be hard to be with him short of magic happening and Goro becoming a merman himself. His fear of being underwater is obviously not the only thing standing in the way here, although he wonders if he would still tremble in panic when completely submerged in water with a body like Ren’s.

He doesn’t even know how this fear manifested in the first place. All he knows is that whenever he holds his breath and dives under the surface, his survival instincts kick in and everything screams at him that he’s drowning, that he has to come up for air right away. The water around him crushes the air from his lungs, tries to pull him deeper, makes his limbs freeze in fear.

Goro doesn’t think it’s even a real phobia with the way he dreams of diving to the bottom of the sea together with Ren and discovering all the things the merman has only told him about, but it’s still enough fear to complicate things.

If he could only hold Ren completely, swim with him through the water, chase him and catch him in his arms with a laugh like the merman suggests every so often...

Goro gathers all his courage, stands up, kicks off his sandals and lets his feet touch the water. 

No immediate bodily reaction other than a quick shiver—the water is colder than anticipated, but not as cold as the showers he takes sometimes just to wake up and wash the tiredness out of his system.

He sinks down and sits on the edge, his legs disappearing into the water even further, the water cold where it touches his skin, but only for the initial contact.

It only occurs to him now that he should have probably taken his shorts off. But then again—this is as far as he is willing to go for now. At least without Ren. He feels more comfortable with someone there who doesn’t have to worry about drowning.

With a sigh, he lets himself fall back onto the stone, his feet still swinging back and forth in the water.

He should probably tell Ann about all of this. She’s understanding enough to let him run off most evenings without questioning him too much, having understood that he wants and needs privacy, but lately, her looks have made it clear that whoever it is, the two of them are going to have a talk about them before going back. He knows that Ann is sharp—she probably figured out that it’s not just the scenery calling Goro back to the coast time and time again and knows as much as him that a vacation can only be so long.

Goro sighs once more. As if anything could soften the blow now.

Closing his eyes, he thinks back to the night he met Ren and like so often, he wonders what would have happened had he not taken that spontaneous nightly walk on the beach. Would Ren have gotten off the sand himself? Or could someone else have discovered him, someone who wasn’t as understanding and secretive as Goro? The mere thought makes him shudder.

Would Ren be fine without Goro? A ridiculous thought, since he learnt that merfolk have lived independently in the ocean for aeons already. But Ren is different. He gets too close to the coast and sometimes curiously steals whatever people carelessly left too close to the ocean. He doesn’t care about the high and low tide if it means he can explore more. He tries to learn everything he can about humans to the point that he’s fluent in Japanese and English just from listening in on conversations.

Despite the risk, he went back and looked for Goro at the coast after he saved him just because he wanted to get closer to him.

Even though he has to hide from no one, Goro’s hands immediately come up to cover his blushing face. Who could blame him for dreaming about Ren when the merman made it so hard to not like everything about him?

Goro is so caught up in the confusing whirlwind of shame and longing that he almost misses the telltale splash of water in front of him.

He sits up from his position and sees a flustered Ren hovering in the water a few metres away from him.

“Do you like it?” Goro asks, immediately smiling once he sees the circlet is still on Ren’s head and has apparently survived the dive to his lair. He looks even more gorgeous like this.

Ren keeps silent, diving underwater and resurfacing closer to Goro. He swims the remaining distance until his chest almost bumps against Goro’s legs.

Goro is about to ask him further questions, still a bit confused about his reaction, when Ren takes a deep breath and looks straight into his eyes.

“I accept. Goro... Thank you.”

There’s the sweetest blush on Ren’s cheeks as one of his hands comes up to caress the pearls again. But even through the butterflies going wild in Goro’s stomach right now—Ren almost made the whole thing sound like a confession, after all—he can still see that Ren is hiding his other hand behind his body.

Goro smirks. “What are you hiding there, Ren?” So that’s why he swam off just now. He really just had to get him something in return, huh?

The merman in question yelps and promptly swims a bit backwards. “You- you have to come into the water to find out!”

All at once, Goro’s expression falls.

“I’ve told you before, I don’t like being in the water.”

Ren makes displeased noises and instead of commenting on it, he simply pouts.

It’s... strangely effective.

Goro sighs in defeat. “I suppose... I can keep above the surface.” He stands up, careful to not slip on the wet stone. “But don’t expect me to go diving with you. And don’t try to pull anything funny either.” While fear already starts gnawing at him, he’s much too curious about what Ren got him to decline the request. Besides, this might be the only opportunity he has left to join him in the water and get closer to him.  

“I would never,” Ren assures him honestly. Goro knows that as playful as he can be at times, he means it.  

He quickly turns away and strips down to only his boxers, lamenting the fact that he didn’t wear swimming shorts for this, before sitting on the edge of the stone, turning around, holding onto it for support and sinking down slowly.

As soon as the water is up to his chest, the panic sets in, gripping his body with ice cold fingers and squeezing the air out of him. “I can’t,” Goro chokes out and shakily pushes himself up and out of the water again.

He doesn’t get far, though, as he feels cold arms embrace him from behind. Goro stills immediately in their hold—it’s foreign, but not strange.

“I’ve got you,” Ren mumbles, so close to his ear. “You can let go and I’ll carry you.”  

I can’t, Goro wants to repeat. One half of him wants to wrestle free from the merman’s hold and climb up to safety. The other wants to sink into his arms and trust him with his life.  

Before he can give into any side, he feels a hand splay over his chest and Ren settling to hold him in a more loose hold. “Breathe with me, okay? In... and out.”

Ren establishes a slow rhythm like that and Goro feels his thoughts fade into nothingness as he follows the words as if on autopilot: breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in, breathing out.

When Ren pulls him backwards to the centre of the cave, he almost doesn’t notice until the merman spins him in his hold so they face each other. “Look, you made it!” Ren exclaims, as if it wasn’t his doing alone that got them this far.

Goro blinks in confusion, finally noticing that he’s actually out in the open water—and still in Ren’s arms.

“I... yes,” he gasps out, finding it hard to focus on the water and Ren so close to him at the same time.

Ren only hums, loosening his hold a bit more. Even though it would have probably been safe, Goro lets out an undignified squeak and grips Ren’s shoulders tightly. “Don’t,” he says.  

The other looks like he’s forcing back a chuckle—of course he finds the whole situation amusing. Ren’s hands slide back around Goro’s torso and he pulls him just a little bit nearer. Like this, Goro can almost feel his breath on his face and his head is spinning from the closeness.  

“Take your time, I’ve got you.”

Yes, that’s definitely amusement in his voice.  

“Don’t laugh about this,” Goro bites out, maybe a bit too harshly given their position.

Ren doesn’t look put off by his remark—if anything, his smile grows softer. “Not laughing at you. I’m just... happy to finally hold you, I guess."  

“... Oh.”   

It’s all Goro can say to that without more words tumbling out of his mouth. Traitorous words that would probably drive Ren away immediately and then being alone in the open water would be the least of Goro’s worries. But what Ren said... it’s permission enough for Goro to finally indulge in another pleasure he had to refuse himself for too long.

So instead of saying more, he pulls himself closer and presses his face into the crook of Ren’s neck, careful to not touch his gills, closing his eyes and listening to his pulse flutter beneath his skin.

Ren shifts and tangles one hand in his hair, fitting against him like a missing puzzle piece. “You’re so warm,” he says, quietly. “It’s nice.” There’s something strange wrapping itself around Goro’s legs, pulling them ever closer, and it takes him a moment to recognise it as Ren’s tail.  

Suddenly, being in the water with the ground too far away is not a concern anymore. Goro knows Ren will keep him safe and not let anything happen to him. It’s strange to rely on someone this much for once—Goro is used to only trusting himself and sometimes tentatively offering care to others.

Maybe he could get used to this, though.

“So what did you get me?” Goro asks, slowly leaning back.

Ren reluctantly lets go. “How would you know it’s something for you?” he asks with a smile.

“Oh please, you’re not as sneaky as you try to be.”

“Fair point.” Ren chuckles and shifts so that his tail alone supports Goro, taking the hand still holding something away from his body. “Give me your hand. It’s merely... something appropriate in exchange for what you’ve given me.”

Goro complies and Ren presses something small and squidgy into his hand the next moment. He opens his palm to reveal a seashell wrapped in seaweed, resembling the way humans wrap their presents.  

“Open it. Don’t mind the seaweed, I’ll bind it together again afterwards.”

Goro gives him a curious look, but goes to loosen the knots regardless. Did Ren get him a pearl? He really didn’t have to get him anything in return, but Goro is happy about anything that he could hold close and remember Ren by back home.

Gently prying the shell open, Goro comes face to face with something red, shiny and entirely unexpected.

“Is that a scale?” Goro asks, in disbelief. “One of... your scales?”  

Instead of answering, Ren smirks and guides one of Goro’s hands down to his hip where his tail starts. He’s confused until he can feel what Ren is trying to show him: there’s a small area where there is smooth skin instead of the scale that should be there.  

“Normally we should exchange them, but I think that would be hard in our case,” Ren grins.

“Why?” Goro finds himself asking. “Didn’t that hurt? Ren, you don’t have to give me anything in return... will it at least grow back?”

He has a feeling he already knows the answer.

Ren gently closes the shell again and binds it together with the seaweed. “It’s just tradition. And I’m sure about you as well.”

The way he says it once again makes Goro blush. Ren couldn’t have chosen different words, could he? 

Ren continues after a pause: “But... I have also heard myths about a scale affecting humans differently and I wanna find out if they are true. Hold tight onto this, will you?”

“Of course.” Goro holds the seashell close to his chest. While he’s curious about Ren’s idea, he’s still feeling at a loss of words because of this strange gift. Ren gifted him a part of him that would always stay with him—how is he supposed to feel? How can he hold back from surging forward and showing Ren with more than just words how important he is to him?

“Now, about my theory...” Suddenly, Ren’s tail slides away from his legs and Goro squeals and holds onto Ren’s shoulders once again.

“What are you trying to...!”

“Trust me, okay?” Ren adjusts his hold on him once again. “So I believe holding onto this can make you breathe underwater. But there’s only one way to find out.” He smirks, his tail once again swishing from side to side.

“Absolutely not,” Goro immediately says, already feeling his voice shaking.

“I won’t let go, it’s safe,” Ren tries reasoning with him.

Goro clenches his teeth. “No.” It’s not even being underwater that makes him shiver in fear. The initial dive down, when his head gets submerged and he feels the water all around him—that’s always the worst moment. And besides, who says the scale really works? Goro has learnt to believe in a lot more things than a human should since meeting Ren, but scales having magical properties or even altering his body is not one of them.

Ren’s face falls. “I won’t force you, you know... but at least try it. Hey, I remember my first time above the surface. I was trembling like a fish washed up on shore.”

Goro frowns. “Well, you can obviously live above water.”

“Not for long.” Ren brings one hand up to tangle in his hair again. Goro almost closes his eyes in bliss. If the merman keeps these touches up, he really won’t be able to hold back.  

Maybe he’s being manipulated by the soft strokes of Ren’s fingers across his scalp, but Goro tries to push away all thoughts of fear and panic to just concentrate on the gentle touch. He should at least try, shouldn’t he? He probably owes Ren that much after he spent hours upon hours above the surface just to be with Goro.  

“I really don’t think I can,” he starts, leaning into the caress, “but maybe I could try, just to show you how ridiculous your idea is.”  

Ren’s face lights up immediately. “I’m sure it will work. And I thought that it could maybe help you with your fear?”

“We will see,” Goro says. He steadies himself and takes a look downwards into the water, immediately regretting it as he feels familiar nausea well up within him, thoughts shooting through his mind about the darkness being endless and pulling him down, down, down-

“Don’t look.”

Ren gently pulls his chin up. Goro blinks dumbly at him, panic flowing out of him but his pulse still hammering in shock—is just the idea enough to send him spiralling?

“Come here, I’ll hold you close and we’ll swim up immediately if you can’t take it,” Ren continues and pulls him in. Goro immediately burrows into him, holding on for dear life already.

“Don’t you dare let go,” he trembles, closing his eyes and resigning himself to his fate.

“Just pinch me or something if you wanna go up, okay?”

Ren’s hand moves back around his torso and Goro has only a moment to suck in as much air as he can before Ren pulls him underwater.

Sinking below the surface is a familiar, dreadful feeling. Goro feels like dying a thousand deaths at once when the pressure around him increases. Like there’s walls all around him, closing in, leaving no room to breathe-  

And then he remembers that Ren is holding him and he tries to relax, his fingers tightly gripping the seashell. Goro fights against the panic, but he’s rapidly running out of air and soon enough he starts struggling in Ren’s hold. He faintly feels the merman pull him up, but before they can breach the surface again, he can’t take it anymore and opens his mouth to breathe as if on instinct.

The water fills his mouth, but he’s not suffocating. Stunned, Goro pushes himself away from Ren to signal him to stay. He finally opens his eyes, right in time to see the merman’s expression shift from worry to confusion to utter joy.

Goro blinks, the saltwater stinging in his eyes, but the fact that he seems to be able to breathe overrides any and all discomfort.

How could this even be possible? His body still feels the same, so where is he getting the oxygen from? Is a small scale really capable of eliminating the source of one of his worst fears?

Slowly, the pressure subsides and Goro feels himself relax. He has read about this once—something about being underwater giving humans the same feeling as being in their mother’s womb and thus calming them, something to do with building carbon dioxide levels.

Ren’s hold on him gets looser, but Goro finds himself not minding it all that much. He can’t drown anymore, right? And if he would sink too far, Ren would just pull him up again.

And of course he can swim too. How did that slip his mind?

He pushes himself completely out of Ren’s arms so he’s floating back, then tries to make the familiar motions with his arms and legs to close the distance again. It works and Ren’s pleased expression morphs into a soft laugh. Goro doesn’t hear anything, but he has heard Ren laugh often enough that he hears his beautiful voice in his mind regardless.

Ren then gets closer to his face and searches his eyes as if asking for permission for something. A moment later, his face breaks into a wide smile again and he swims happy circles around Goro, clicking and trilling in a way Goro has never heard before. He watches him swim in beautiful patterns, always just disappearing out of sight for a short second before he feels the fins of his tail brush his legs or arm as the merman swims around him.

It’s the most beautiful and natural Goro has ever seen him and he can’t hold back the soundless laughter that escapes him and bubbles to the surface.

He tries to swim closer to Ren, but he’s much slower than the merman who effortlessly glides through the water. Ren still stops his joyful dance and swims closer to meet him, his tail gently bumping against Goro’s legs on accident as he comes to a stop in front of him.

Goro smiles brightly at him, so much on his mind, so many words on his tongue, but even if he could speak, he could not put any of them into words. All thoughts of what lies above the surface are gone from his mind. Only Ren matters in this moment.

Even though the water is dark around them and swallows most light, Ren’s eyes shine brighter than ever, silver irises looking at Goro with so much admiration that he almost can’t handle it. His soft curls float in the water, framing his face like a dark halo, and only now does Goro see and appreciate his form in full for the first time. His red tail shimmers as if the merman wears dozens upon dozens of rubies, the large translucent fin at the end and the smaller ones at his hips swaying softly in the water.

Goro feels a pang of conscience as he realises with a start that this is where Ren truly belongs, this is his home. They are not meant to be together, their lifestyles simply too different to work out.

His thoughts must show on his face because Ren cups his face and clicks softly in worry. Goro thinks that this is probably how merfolk communicate with one another, but he has only Ren’s expression to go by. So he gently shakes his head and takes his hands away, giving him a small smile to assure him that he’s okay. Ren mirrors the expression, albeit a bit sadder.

Goro thinks about returning to the surface now, not wanting to disrupt Ren in his natural habitat any longer, but the merman pulls him into a sudden embrace. Goro gasps, his arms coming up instinctively, but he relaxes immediately and hugs him back.

Maybe he could stay in the water for just a moment longer without feeling guilty.

Ren lets his hands wander down until he’s interlacing them with Goro’s, careful to keep the seashell safe. The other looks up at him curiously, but receives only a grin in return. He starts swimming further down, slowly, probably to not startle the human holding his hands, for which Goro is thankful.

He feels the pressure around him increase ever so slightly, but he’s not afraid anymore. Quite the opposite: with Ren holding him, he’s eager to see how far down he could go. Would Ren try to show him everything he has only ever talked about?

Soon enough, Goro sees fishes. Lots of them in varying shapes and sizes, travelling together in schools. The smaller ones escape as soon as he and Ren come closer, probably because Ren is a predator to them, but the larger ones stay and curiously swim around the two. Goro looks around in open fascination before meeting Ren’s eyes again. The merman clicks softly and squeezes his hand.

Ren shows him coral reefs Goro has only ever seen in photographs. He swims with him through the schools of fishes, the various colours around them swirling together into beautiful mixes of blue, pink, yellow and silver. Ren even lets Goro softly prod at a sea anemone with a stone, recoiling back with a start when it twitches, making Ren laugh and swim a few happy circles around him.

When Ren swims closer to the surface with him, Goro gets the note immediately and he can’t suppress the feeling of sadness at his little adventure being over already. Ren is tightly holding one of his hands, their swimming having turned from quick and excited to slow and languid, almost as if they are trying to savour their last moments in the water together.

Even though he’s still able to breathe just fine, Goro feels his throat clog up more the higher they swim.  

He pulls on Ren’s hand gently.

The merman immediately turns and swims in front of him, looking at him curiously, clicking softly. Goro can’t explain why he stopped them. Above the surface, they could talk again and then he could try and explain these strange feelings.

Maybe that’s exactly what he’s trying to avoid, though. Every word would feel like one too many right now.

He comes closer and rests his forehead against Ren’s. The merman immediately leans in with a smile and tangles his hands in Goro’s hair—the contact so familiar after the last few hours, yet still so new and exciting.  

Goro doesn’t want to resurface, because then the thoughts will come back and with them all the fear and longing he had to keep bottled up inside for what feels like so long now in retrospective.

This could be his last chance to be close to Ren. He yearns to make the most of it.

He moves almost automatically, pressing Ren’s body closer and winding his arms around his torso. When his hands splay against the merman’s back, travelling up and down in gentle circles, he is rewarded with Ren closing his eyes in bliss and trilling softly. Urged on, Goro cups his face with the hand still holding the seashell and lets his thumb caress his cheek and then his lip.

Ren sighs in pleasure and chases after the contact—it’s all Goro needs before surging in and replacing his thumb with his lips.  

Ren’s lips are cold against his, but it makes the feeling all the more real when he slowly starts moving against Goro’s mouth, tilting his head to fit better into him. Their kiss is soft, tentative, exploring each other curiously like they did every so often with their questions and hands likewise. With each brush of their lips, Goro wants to get closer and closer, until he won’t know anymore where one of them ends and the other begins.

It’s when Ren playfully prods against his lips with his tongue that the kiss becomes more desperate, Goro pushing back with determination to make the merman in his arms his alone, their tongues dancing together similarly in the way they swam with each other just now—in unison, yet playful and adventurous. Ren’s trembling tail wraps around Goro’s legs as if trying to hold on, to ground himself.

They separate time and time again just to meet each other at a new angle, pressing open-mouthed kisses against the other’s lips and their hands wandering all over each other’s bodies, trying to touch everywhere they can. 

Soon, their kisses slow down from clumsily mashing their lips together to a slow, languid dance, sensual and heated, as if the world stands still around them, the water drowning out every other noise and surrounding them almost as if to give them privacy. Goro sighs into Ren's mouth, pressing up against him, the only thought on his mind to get closer and closer until they would never be able to separate again.

It feels like an eternity later and yet like no time has passed at all when they separate to lean their foreheads back together, a soft smile on each of their flushed faces. Goro can’t resist and leans back in for a peck and then a few more which Ren is all too eager to deliver.

When they breach the surface again, it feels like waking up in a different world. All at once, Goro becomes aware of the saltwater in his mouth, in his ears, in his eyes. His hair clings to his head uncomfortably and he’s already starting to shiver from the air hitting his wet skin.

Ren is the complete opposite, grinning at Goro and pecking his cheek and the side of his mouth a few times more, not caring in the slightest bit that he’s coughing and rubbing at his eyes to milden the sting.

“Did you have fun?” Ren asks between pecks, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

Goro swallows and tries to not concentrate on the weird feeling in his throat. “More than ever in my life,” he says, his voice coming out raspy, and pulls Ren closer.

The sun has almost set completely when Goro is back to sitting on the stone in his clothes that uncomfortably cling to his wet body now. Ren hovers in front of him, clearly looking nervous at the prospect of having to part for today. Goro doesn’t feel the least bit better than him, even if he’s still riding his high from kissing Ren.

“We still have one day,” Ren mumbles. It sounds less like he’s saying it for Goro and more like he’s trying to console himself.

Goro leisurely strokes through his curls with one hand. “I want to stay with you, Ren...” It’s an empty sentiment that probably only serves to make it worse, but Goro has his heart in his throat right now and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t tell Ren that this is more than a mere vacation flirt for him.

Ren hums softly and leans against Goro’s hand. “I’ll find a way. I promise.”

“How would that even work?” Goro finds himself asking. Why stick to hope or empty promises, when there’s no realistic way other than Goro moving here?

“It just will, I promise,” Ren repeats, looking up at Goro and holding eye contact. “I agreed to be your mate, after all. Nothing can separate me from you now.”  

Goro’s heart leaps in his chest. His mate? When did he ask Ren something like that? Was it the kiss?  

He should feel worried about complicating the life of this beautiful merman, yet all he feels as Ren looks at him with utter admiration is pure, wholehearted devotion to him. If Ren sees him as his mate, then he will do everything in his power to make him happy.  

Maybe he should really look into how much inheritance money he has at his disposal and if there are any estates up for sale around here.

“Don’t try anything funny. Tokyo’s waters aren’t really suitable to live in,” Goro sighs. “Just... wait for me, and I’ll try to come back soon. Maybe find a job, get a nice house by the seaside...”

“You don’t have to,” Ren counters, then swims closer so he’s leaning right against Goro’s chest. The other’s arms come up almost instinctively to hold him, not caring in the least about the water getting his shirt wet. “We still have tomorrow together. Just promise me you won’t leave me behind, no matter what happens.”

“Of course,” Goro replies almost immediately. How could he ever do that to him? Especially after learning that the merman shares his feelings.

It’s almost dark when they reluctantly separate again, Ren worried about him getting back to the house safely at night. They share a kiss, more promises, then another last kiss, and then Ren disappears into the waves.

Goro only leaves the cave when he’s sure he can’t see the other in the water anymore.

He doesn’t feel his legs moving back to the beach. It’s as if he’s running on autopilot—if the feeling numbing his senses is joy from having his feelings reciprocated or dread from knowing this could be over in just a day, he can’t tell.

When he reaches the beach, instead of taking the cobblestone path back through town, he walks to the shore instead, staring out into the endless dark, the sound of the waves drowning out his thoughts. 

He sinks to his legs and finally, the dam breaks and he cries.

That’s how Ann finds him later: knees pulled to his chest and sobbing miserably.

“Goro? The casserole is ice cold by now, you know- oh no, Goro...”

She sinks down beside him and pulls him against her body, rubbing gentle circles into his back. “Wow, you’re all wet. You’re gonna catch a cold if we don’t get you home soon...”

“Ann,” Goro says between sobs, but the embrace only makes him cry harder. He doesn’t know why or how he’s crying—he never cries, after all. All he knows is that just thinking about Ren hurts.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she says gently, tucking his head under her chin.

“Ann,” Goro repeats, hiccuping and then taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I love him, Ann.”

She stills for only a moment before sighing and resuming her motions. “I know, dear.”  

Goro sniffles before breaking into more sobbing. “I love him. Oh God, I love him so much.”  

The realisation shouldn’t hit him as hard as it does. Yet Goro’s mind can only repeat the same words, all the time with Ren suddenly feeling so different. Hurting in a whole new way.

He burrows into Ann’s blouse, clinging onto her for dear life, the seashell which holds a part of Ren held tightly in his hand. 

“I love him.”

“Have you made up your mind?”

“Time is running out! Make a choice!”

Ren’s swimming stops abruptly, his eyes fixating on the two blurry shapes of the morays circling him like predators. Swimming home at night is always tied to danger, yet he knows that those two won’t strike yet.  

Not until they have gotten what they want.

Ren takes a deep breath, knowing he can’t prolong it any further, but caught off guard anyways. “I’m sure by now. Take me to your master, I’ll take the deal.”  

“Why the sudden certainty?” 

“Ooh, look at his head! Looks like someone got pearls!”

He ignores their taunts, knowing fully well how malicious morays could get, especially those two. The trick is to not let them know you’re afraid. “I said to take me to your master.”

“Not even a goodbye to your pod?”  

“Don’t tell me you have forgotten about the price!”  

Ren feels a pang of hurt as he recalls. How could he ever forget what he’s about to give up after losing sleep over this decision night after night?  

Closing his eyes, he tries to think of maroon eyes, warm lips on his and strong hands around his waist. It gives him the strength to say the next words, the ones he knows will convince the morays for sure.  

“I want to be with him. Whatever it takes.”

With that, Ren seals his fate. There's no going back now.

When morning comes, the sea is home to one merman less.

Ann is taking her morning walk when she spots a person on the beach, wearing tattered clothing and the most beautiful pearl circlet she has ever seen. He’s stumbling over his feet, legs trembling like reeds in the wind, and before she can think about it, she’s already worriedly jogging to his side and asking him if he needs any help.   

He doesn’t say a single word as she supports him all the way back to her house, but his silver eyes shine with more happiness than she has ever seen in any human before.