Work Text:
Pyra: Excuse me. May I use your kitchen to cook for my friends?
Manager: oh... Sure. Today's not really that busy so we have a lot of free space.
Pyra: Thank you! So, what would everyone like to eat?
Rex: I'll take your special Pan-Fried Tartari, please!
Roc: I don't think this world has the fish I want, so I'll just take a grilled fish that's heavy on the meat side of it.
Ragna: I don't really care, as long as it tastes good.
Pyra: *clapping her hands together* Alright! I'll be back in just a second.
Ragna: Hey, I'm gonna go and scout for a bit. Make sure that no one from the Library or those Torna guys you keep mentioning don't pop up again.
Pyra's gonna be done soon, so maybe you should wait.
->Just get back here before it gets cold.
By the time Ragna had left Rex's peripheral vision. Rex had already become bored. He was just sitting there, twiddling his thumbs; waiting for either of his missing companions to come back.
Roc: Rex, do you smell, roses?
Rex: *sniff* *sniff* Yeah, you're right. But I don't see any plants around here.
Rachel: I was told that this is where Ragna was. Not some sniveling child.
Rex and Roc turned toward the voice to see Rachel standing about a meter away.
Rex: Hey, aren't you that rabbit girl that Ragna keeps referring to?
Nago: How dare you refer to milady like that!
Gii: Yeah! Only that Ragna guy can call the princess "rabbit".
*slap* slap*
Nago & Gii: OW!
Roc: Why are you here?
Rachel: I've come to meet with a certain man. Do you happen to know where he is?
Rex: Who? Ragna?
Rachel: Ah. So you are familiar with him. Tell me did he pick you up with the promise of sweets and candy?
Rex (confused): Um... No actually. He saved me when Pyra and I were about to fall into that cauldron thingy.
Rachel glared at Rex, seeing as her implications did not faze him.
Rachel: Your denseness is frustrating me, little one. I'd be happy to watch you squirm with this on.
Rex (angry): Hey! What's that supposed to me-"
Rachel flicked her wrist and tossed a pair of shaded glasses perfectly onto Rex's face. The resulting impact caused Rex to fall back into his chair a bit.
Rachel: Hehehe. While I'd love to watch the fireworks. I'm afraid I simply can't as I have more important things to do.
Rachel and her two servants disappeared leaving behind the scent of roses again.
Roc: Rex, are you okay?
Rex: Yeah. What hit me in the face just now?
Roc: It seems to be a pair of glasses. Here, let me get them off of you.
Roc grabbed the pair of spectacles on his Drivers face and pulled, but he couldn't. It was like they were somehow glued onto the sides of his face. As he struggled to get it off, the two heard a familiar voice.
Ragna: Okay. Seems like we're sa-.
Ragna stared wide-eyed at his newest ally recognizing the spectacles that he was wearing.
Ragna: Where did you get those?
Rex: That girl "rabbit girl" came by asking if you were here. Put them on me and left.
Ragna: TAKE THEM OFF NOW!
Ragna gripped the glasses and pulled as hard as he could.
Rex: OwowowowowowowOWWWW!
Ragna: Grrrr... Dammit. Alright Roc, grab Rex from behind and pull on him.
Rex: Whu?
Ragna, still struggling to get the glasses off of Rex, decided to get better leverage so that he could pull harder.
Rex: Ragna, what are you doing with your le- ACK!
Ragna: Damn! What did the rabbit do to these things to get them to stick on his face?
Ragna and Roc, in defeat, let go of the young Driver
Roc: Are these glasses dangerous?
Ragna: Understatement of the century. They're called the Spectacles of Eros. Infamous for their horrible ability to-
Nia: Oi! Is Rex around here?
Brighid: Rex, lady Morag and I need your services.
Pandoria: I really need to talk to Rex; like REALLY badly!
Ragna: Oh... God...
The three girls entered the restaurant, all with weird looks on their faces.
Roc: Ragna, I think it would be best if you told me what those glasses do!
Ragna: Their main purpose...is to attract any people of the gender that the wearer is attracted to...and make them fall in love with them.
Brighid: Rex, please come with me. Lady Morag and I wish to discuss something with you right away.
Brighid wrapped her arms around Rex's and pulled him out of his chair. As well as squeezing his arm directly into the valley known as her chest. Everyone could see Brighid's actions were completely intentional.
Rex: Um... What for?
Brighid: We believe that we've devised a brilliant strategy to take care of the Artificial Blades that Torna is making and we want you to come to check on it.
Nia then tossed one of her Twin Rings to separate Rex and Brighid.
Brighid: What are you doing Nia? Rex needs to see the plan we've come up with!
Nia: You sure that's what you two were going to do? And not have a make-out session in some hidden place?
Brighid: Don't be ridiculous!
Roc: Well, Brighid seems normal. Maybe they are just normal glasses and you just panicked Ragna.
Ragna: Give it a second.
Brighid: Lady Morag said it was okay for us to share him. So it would've been a three-way make-out session.
Roc: Ah. I see...
Pandoria: Brighid! That's really insensitive of you to just take Rex away when he's about to have himself some lunch. Rex, when you're done why don't we go find my prince, and then we can have a sparing session with each other.
Rex: Ya know, it's gonna take a while for Pyra to finish cooking. So let's get started on the sparing session with Zeke. I'll have Roc take it over to where we're practicing.
Pandoria: heheheh. Sounds good.
Ragna: Wait a damn minute, somethings not right here.
Roc: Huh?
Ragna: What's that in your back pocket?
Ragna takes the piece of paper in the Electric Blade's back pocket and opens it up.
Pandoria: WAIT!
Ragna *eyes widened*: T-THIS IS A MAP TO KAGUTSUCHI'S RED LIGHT DISTRICT!
Rex, Roc, and Nia: WHAAAAAAAT!
Pandoria: Oh, darn!
Roc: Why were you trying to take him there of all places!?
Pandoria: Don't you know cuckolding is all the rage now! Having both Pyra and that fake prince walk in on us kissing a bunch would be amazing to see!
Ragna: News Flash! Cuckolding has never, and will never be "all the rage"!
Pandoria: Oh please, what do you know? You're a wanted criminal. How can you keep up with what's hip?
Nia: You all are practically INSANE! Taking advantage of Rex to do extremely dirty things to him! Just ignore them Rex and drink this water while you wait for dinner. I filled it myself.
Rex: Oh...um... Thanks, Nia.
The glass of water was instantly broken thanks to Brighid's whip sword.
Rex: Ah!
Brighid: Payback.
Nia: What the 'ell is yer deal Brighid!?
Brighid: Oh Nia, how hypocritical of you to call us out on taking advantage of Rex when you were about to roofie him.
Ragna: Waitwaitwaitwait. She tried to WHAT?
Brighid: I saw her preparing it in that clinic across town when I was heading over here.
Nia: YOU SAW THAT!?
Pandoria: Guess you got careless in your rush to beat us I guess.
Roc: And what were you going to do with Rex once he was asleep?
Nia: Like none of you don't know. I was gonna take his [Burning Sword] and stick it in my [Water Flower]. I'd then make him [Sword Bash] until I [Hydro Blast] even if he [Anchor Shot] hundreds of times before me.
Ragna: Jesus, cat! He's only 15. Don't torture him.
Nia: Oh, c'mon. We all know the two of us are perfect for each other.
Rex: N-Nia, I've already told you. I only see you as a friend!
Nia: That ain't gonna cut it. I'll make you mine!
Brighid: Rex belongs to lady Morag and I!
Pandoria: No, he's my replacement prince!
Ragna: Wait a damn minute. Somethings off...
Roc: Oh? What is it?
Ragna: If Rachel was the one who put the Spectacles of Eros on Rex, then why did she leave?
Roc: Because of the effects of the glasses right?
Ragna: I guessed that part. But she probably wanted to see him squirm. So she probably has-
Gii: Waaaah!
Rachel's bat servant fell from the ceiling, holding what looks to be a video camera from the early 21st century.
Ragna: A way to keep track of all this. Alright, you flying rodent. What the hell did the rabbit do to the glasses!
Gii: The princess said if I was ever caught, not to tell you anything!
Roc: More like "when he was caught."
Ragna: Tell us now, or I'm telling Rachel that you raided her underwear drawer.
Gii: Y-y-you're bluffing! The princess would never believe you!
Ragna: She wouldn't believe me if I said it was Valkenheim. You're free game!
Gii: OKAY! I'LL TALK! The princess said that those are a special version designed to only be taken off by the person that matters the most to them.
Ragna tossed Gii as hard as he could, out of the restaurant and into the sky.
Roc: Great, and Pyra's not gonna be able to leave until lunch is done.
Rex: um... g-guys?
Ragna and Roc turned around to look at Rex. Now swarmed with girls from both Alrest and Kagutsuchi.
Patroka: Alright, you pieces of trash better get away from my man or my lance is going up your asses!
Tsubaki: You know Rex, you're a lot pricklier than you make yourself out to be.
Makoto: Uh... Tsubaki? You're hugging a cactus.
Tsubaki: I am!?
Makoto: *sigh* oh well. More of Rex for me!
Poppi: Poppi has switched to QTpi mode to best comfort Rex.
Noel: Finally! I have an excuse to bring out one of my marriage registrations again!
And these girls were only a fraction of who was there thirsting for Rex. Ragna and Roc could only watch in horror as their friend was being suffocated by the bodies of multiple women.
Roc: This can't get any worse...
Pyra: Alright! Lunch is ready!
Ragna and Roc's eyes widened.
Pyra: Huh? What's with the increase in people? I've only made enough meals for the four of us, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do...
Patroka: Piss off you walking sword slut!
Pyra: W-what?
Roc: Pyra, you must leave immediately! Before the Spectacles of Eros affect you too!
Pyra: Spectacles?
Ragna: Hey, Birdman. The glasses don't work if the person is already infatuated with the wearer.
Roc: They don't?
Ragna: No. Or at least, that's what I've heard
A plan began to form in both Ragna and Roc's heads
Pyra: What's going on?
Ragna: Roc, you take Rex and Pyra out of here! I'll hold off the girls!
Roc: Roger!
Roc swooped up Pyra, then flew over to Rex and picked him up from the crowd of girls. As they flew into the sky, the girls began to give chase, but the red-coated terrorist stopped them.
Ragna: Alright you bitches. Time to get serious. Restriction Level 6- OW!
Nia: Don't get in our way from getting Rex. Neither you nor that bird are gonna stop us!
Ragna: Dammit. Couldn't you have let me finish?
All of the girls affected by the Spectacles of Eros began to beat up Ragna.
Ragna: H-hey Roc! I was kidding! I REALLY need you to get me out of here!
Rex: Hey Ragna! We got the glasses off!
Ragna: Huh?
Rex tossed the glasses from the height he and his Blades were soaring at and they landed perfectly on Ragna's face. It took him about 5 seconds to realize what had just happened.
Ragna: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
And that was the last time anyone heard from the infamous criminal, Ragna the Bloodedge.
Meanwhile, Rex, Pyra, and Roc were outside the hierarchical city resting.
Rex: Thank god we lost them. Let's wait here for a while to rest.
Pyra: Hey Rex, I think I want to go back in there.
Rex: What? Why?
Pyra: Well, it's just because I wanna see that hunk Ragna again!