Chapter Text
Izuku Midoriya knows how lucky he is.
Lucky to be strong. Lucky to be safe. Lucky to be alive. He understands just how many odds he has defied in his life to get to this point- how miraculous it was for him to even be here, never mind be here unharmed.
That’s what Izuku tries to remind himself as he settles into a plastic folding chair toward the back of the venue, clenching and unclenching his fists with unease. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to himself. He was here out of respect for his friends, and that was it- his final duty to them and this place before he could fade into the oblivion that awaited him. Just smile and clap, he tells himself, then you can finally rest.
He had spent the last year and a half putting everyone at ease, showing them over and over again that he was okay. He aced his general studies classes, cheered for class A at the sports festival, and organized a children’s hero simulation as his class’s contribution to the school’s annual festival so that kids, regardless of their quirk or strength or size, could play hero for the afternoon. He unflinchingly moved his things into a new dorm, sat in the cafeteria with his old friends as they regaled him with stories about their training, and met with All Might every week to assure him he was taking his new condition in stride. He gave interviews when the hero commission asked, came up with countless lies about what he now planned to do with his life, and turned over his provisional license to Aizawa without shedding a single tear.
It had been exhausting. Every moment of it. But he had done it, and today was his last obligation. He could keep it together for that long. He had to.
Someone clears their throat behind Izuku, startling him as he realizes how close they must be. There was a time where Izuku would have known if someone was approaching him from behind a mile away, but not anymore. Danger sense. Shinomori. Izuku’s heart instantly tightens, beating up in his throat. He forces himself to swallow it down and turn around.
Hitoshi Shinsou sits lazily in the chair behind him, leaning forward on his elbows with a forced expression. His hero costume looked freshly minted, shinier than Izuku remembered. Had the school outfitted them with new, higher-quality ones as a graduation gift? It sounded like something they’d do. The hero course students hadn’t been allowed to wear their gear at the real graduation ceremony yesterday, as to not distract from the other students, but today’s ceremony was all about them.
“Hey. So... awkward, but I’ve been told to come fetch you.” Shinsou says casually, his deep voice gravelly. Izuku feels his face twist in confusion, but the other boy refuses to offer an explanation. Oh.
“No.” Izuku tells him firmly.
“Uraraka told me to use force, if necessary.” Shinsou quips. “Come on, you had to know this was coming.”
They had asked Izuku to speak at yesterday’s graduation, but he declined. They thought it would be nice to have a tribute to his efforts and accomplishments at the ceremony, but he had insisted they let the day be about the students, not him. The last thing UA needed was for one more event to be eclipsed by Izuku. He assured the faculty that he didn’t want to pull any focus, and he was relieved when they had all agreed. Now, Izuku realized that he should have been more suspicious when they relented so easily- of course they would plan something without telling him. That way he couldn’t say no.
Suddenly, Izuku’s suit jacket felt too hot and he found his eyes scanning the venue for an exit. He couldn’t do this, he just couldn’t. He didn’t want to get up on stage and accept some award about how great he used to be, not while all of his friends were actually celebrating. It was all too much. If he just left now-
Shinsou moves forcefully into his line of sight, locking their eyes before Izuku can think of an out. There was no escaping this. Izuku takes a deep breath and lets it out before standing.
“Yeah, okay.” He tells the expectant purple eyes, watching them soften as he does. One more day, he reminds himself, One more hour and that's it. He could fake one more smile and act delighted for his friends. He could handle that.
Following Shinsou down a series of hallways to the backstage, Izuku finds himself fantasizing about his old smokescreen quirk. En. He imagines himself flooding the halls with smoke and disappearing into it, weaving through classrooms until he could find an exit to burst through. It still felt so possible.
Izuku had read about phantom limbs- about how people were sure they could feel the body parts they had lost, even if they weren’t there anymore? That was the only way he could think to describe how losing OFA felt. He could still feel it humming under his skin, just waiting to be called upon. But every failed impulse left Izuku frustrated and crestfallen as if it were happening for the first time. At the very least, all the strengthening he had done in order to wield One for All had stuck around. He was still strong, and fast by anyone’s standards- but his body ached for more. Every pace felt sluggish in comparison to what he’d managed before, no matter how hard he tried.
“I’m sorry about all of this.” Shinsou says, shaking Izuku from his thoughts. “Everyone decided you’d have the hardest time telling me no. Just be glad they didn’t decide to send Aizawa-Sensei.”
“Hmm. They really thought sending my replacement was their best shot?”
The other boy stops dead in his tracks, eyes widening. The words had slipped from Izuku’s lips before he could stop them, in a tone so calculated and cruel that Izuku almost didn’t recognize it as his own. He screeches to a halt, guilt coursing through his blood instantly. Shinsou looked like he’d been punched in the gut.
“I’m so sorry.” Izuku blurts, trying to backtrack. “That was so rude, I really didn’t mean-”
“It’s okay.” Shinsou insists. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it myself. Me in the hero course, you in general studies. I hate that my spot came at your expense. I want you to know that I never intended-”
“They’d have let you in anyway. It had nothing to do with me, really.” Izuku says, still reeling from his outburst. It was unlike him to snap at anyone, especially someone as undeserving as Shinsou. The other boy sighs.
“Still, I-”
“It’s fine.” Izuku promises, not wanting to hear the end of the sentence. He couldn’t afford to torture himself anymore, not at a time like this. He’d already spent the last few months imagining Shinsou sitting behind his desk, sleeping in his old dorm room- he’d even had to watch him and Kacchan face off at this year’s Sports Festival. He’d made his peace with it all and he simply didn’t have the capacity to help Shinsou find that same peace. Maybe that was selfish, but it was true. “Come on. Let’s go. Iida will blame you if we’re late”
Shinsou manages a tight smile, and the two walk the rest of the way in a mutually appreciated silence.
“I really am sorry about all this.” Shinsou says as they reach the door. “Oh and act surprised, if you would. They really thought this whole thing was sneaky and I promised not to give anything away.”
“You didn’t. I should have seen it coming.”
Shinsou opens the door with a flourish, revealing all of their classmates in their full hero gear surrounded by green, silver, and black balloons.
“Surprise!” He hears a chorus of voices exclaim, Uraraka stands at the front of the crowd. She strides up to him and ushers Izuku into the room with a smile so big it could break her face in two.
“We wanted to do something special for you since… you know!” She blushes, scratching the back of her head. “This is your day, too. We’re all here because of you.”
It’s then that Izuku notices the centerpiece of the room they’ve prepared. A totally new, perfectly pressed copy of his old hero costume sits on a mannequin behind glass. It looked like the one he used to have, before the war had reduced it to tatters. That one was was hung up in a museum somewhere in Tokyo. They hadn’t even let him keep it, though he had refused to let them take what was left of Gran Torino’s cape. As far as Izuku was concerned, that old costume belonged to the people now, not him. It brought them comfort, whereas it only brought Izuku grief.
They must have thought it would be a nice gesture for Deku to have his own copy. It was a nice thought, but he hardly had room for that in his childhood bedroom. It would loom. Fortunately for Izuku, Todoroki appears at his side before he has to remark about how wonderful it is.
“It’s all your fault we became such good heroes. You kept raising the bar for the rest of us.” He says, keeping his voice as steady as ever. Uraraka gets distracted by something Tsu is doing and leaves the two boys to fade out of the fray. “I’m grateful. We all are.”
“Thanks Todoroki.” Izuku says, and he finds himself meaning it. Todoroki was one of the only people who hadn’t treated him differently since it all went down- and with everything he had been through with Dabi and his family, he had never pretended like nothing had happened. They were both still carrying the weight of that war.
His other friends were too, obviously. They had fought as well, and had experienced all the same horrors, but looking at them now- so happy and lively, prancing around the room while he and Todoroki hung back against the wall- it was hard to believe they still felt affected by it. As Izuku takes them all in, his eyes finally find the one thing he’d really been looking for.
Kacchan.
Squatting against the opposite wall, every muscle tensed beneath the tight, black and orange fabrics of his hero-costume- or maybe it was that his muscles were just naturally that defined. Knowing his training regimen, Izuku figured the latter was more likely. His pouty expression almost makes Izuku laugh. Katsuki probably detested being forced to attend an event all about Izuku’s triumphs. Somethings never change. His eyes are lifted ever so slightly, so it takes Izuku a second to realize that the blonde is staring right at him, but neither of them are in any hurry to pull away.
This had been their game since the war ended. To talk without talking. To see without acknowledging. To let the other one know they were there, always watching, no matter how far away they appeared to be. Izuku had played it with him for months, but he still wasn’t sure what it all meant. Perhaps Katsuki kept his distance out of resentment or wariness, or even worse- out of pity. Whatever it was, Izuku was perfectly content to not find out. All he cared about was that their bond, for better or worse, was still intact despite everything they’d been through. That was enough.
He tears his eyes away before Todoroki gets suspicious.
“So. Have you decided on your post-grad plans yet? I know you were still mulling it all over.” Izuku asks, genuinely curious.
“I’ve accepted a year-long position with Endeavor’s agency.” Todoroki says seriously, his eyes turning to stone.
“Really? Is… that what you want?” Izuku tries to tread lightly, but he finds it difficult to mask his bafflement.
“No. Not really. But… it’s the stability my family needs right now. I can’t keep letting Fuyumi shoulder it all.” He says, determined.
“He’s lucky to have you.” Izuku tells him. There was that word again- lucky. How lucky was it, really? For Todoroki to be miserable for his family’s sake? Izuku had grown so tired of hearing that word. He’d heard it from doctors, from his mother, from classmates, from teachers, from All Might- and now, from his own mouth. It was getting to be too much.
“That’s one way to look at it.” Todoroki tells him, unconvinced. Izuku eyes stray across the room once more.
“And him?” Izuku asks, careful to keep his voice low.
“Going it alone.” Todoroki says, knowing instantly who they’re talking about. “What else did you expect?”
“Nothing. Well, at least he won’t be alone alone. Kaminari and Kirishima-”
“Nope. Kirisihima is going back to Fatgum and Suneater’s agency, and Kaminari is staying here with Jiro to work with Gang Orca. Even Sero has accepted a sidekick contract with Edgeshot. It’s really going to be just him.”
“That sounds…” Izuku can’t bring himself to say the word.
“Stupid?” Todoroki supplies.
Lonely.
But that wasn’t Izuku’s concern. If this was what Katsuki had in his head that he was going to do, then nothing Izuku could say or do was to stop him. With any luck, he’d be fine on his own.
Ugh, luck. Again. After swearing it off just moments before, here Izuku was wishing it would exist for Kacchan’s sake.
Izuku doesn’t get to dwell on it, because Iida comes and fetches him a few seconds later, insisting he say hello to everyone in a timely manner before the ceremony starts. Izuku plasters on a smile and the two of them go off in rapid-fire, greeting each budding hero and hearing briefly about their post-graduation plans. Izuku feigns excitement for all of them, because that’s what the old Deku would have been able to offer them without a second thought. By the time they’re done, there’s only one person from either class that Izuku hasn’t had the chance to talk to, and Iida doesn’t press the issue. Even so, the boy doesn’t take his eyes off of Izuku the whole time.