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The first thing Eijun noticed; his eyes.
They were a shiny blue, a shimmering blue. A blue that could not be rivaled, not by the cleanest rivers, not by the largest lakes, not even by the bluest parts of the ocean. And they were hard, not like a diamond, but like steel. Everywhere they looked, every person they touched, their presence was felt. Like a gust of wind hitting their soul. Those eyes were, simply put, beautiful. Eijun had always been an admirer of beautiful things, of outstanding things, and these eyes were just that. The person who carried those eyes, well, he was even more striking. He walked with a confidence that oozed, that hit every person who saw him and made their knees weaken. He walked with the aura of a king walking through a peasant town, and it made the people around him want to kneel. Eijun was no foreigner to that feeling, it happened to him the first time he saw the other too. But Eijun was a stubborn thing, like a bull, his mother used to call him. And he didn’t kneel to anyone, so instead he watched, and he noticed.
The second thing he noticed; the string.
The dreaded string, the loathsome string. The red string. The string Eijun once admired so fiercely. The string that once, in his dark eyes, glowed the color of Swedish fish candy, his favorite snack as a child. The string that later on became the absolute bane of his existence. The string that stopped reminding him of candy and started reminding him of blood. Crimson blood, the kind that sprayed from a broken heart, a tainted one. One that has been pushed and prodded so many times that it has become tired and weak but still beats fervently. It was hard, possessing the power of Gods while being a hopeless romantic with a tendency not to listen.
Eijun had fallen in love with too many people who had that string. It was a cruel cycle really, falling so hard, hoping to be caught, only to hit the ground hard because the one you were waiting for walked away so suddenly, in the direction of a string. Sure, they can’t see it, but Eijun can. Eijun has watched too many people walk away over that string because he wasn’t the ‘one’ and whoever stood at the end of that string was. He shouldn’t blame them, after all, this was their soulmate. The person whose soul almost completely matched their own. Eijun understood why they left in the end, but it still hurt nonetheless. Maybe it was his fault, for even thinking he could change fate in the first place. Or maybe it was fate's fault, for bestowing on him such a horrible gift.
The Sawamura family in ancient times had been known as a family of powerful matchmakers who were known for creating long lasting relationships for those they deemed worthy. This was because of the gift given to them by the Gods, the gift to see the red strings of fate. It was a gift given by a love goddess who fell for a member of the Sawamura family. She could see the strings and subsequently could also cut them. When she saw the object of her affection had been tied to someone else, it infuriated her. So she cut his string and attached it to her own finger while disguised as a mortal. He fell in love with her, they had a child, and said child was the first to bear the gift of seeing the strings. But with every god given gift, there is a price. Those who could see the red strings did not have one of their own and the only way for them to truly fall in love was by cutting the string of another. Not every person in the family was given the gift, it would skip generations sometimes. For example, Eijun’s mother could never see the strings but his grandfather could. When his family found out Eijun possessed the skill, they mourned for their son.
“At first, you think it won’t matter. At first, it seems fun knowing something others don’t. But as time goes on and as you see the happiness others achieve that you can’t, it wears you down. No love is greater than that of the string, it is the missing link between broken souls. When you find out that your other half is not in this world, it brings about a painful realization that does not go away. I wish I could save you from that Eijun, I wish I could set you free.”
His grandfather’s words echo in his mind. As a child, they really didn’t make all that much sense, the strings were nothing to him then. He didn’t realize their weight, he wasn’t prepared to be crushed. He should have listened more, he should have protected himself better, and yet now Eijun found himself with a heart of gold that loved too much for a world that did not love him back. If only he had forged it in steel, if only he was stronger, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad every time love didn’t work out.
So when the blond boy with eyes like lakes looked his way for the second time, Eijun tried to ignore it. He tried not to let himself dwell on it. The red string wrapped around the other boys' pinky seemed to mock him, so Eijun did his best to push away his piqued interest and the flurry of butterflies that invaded his stomach. He didn’t even know his name, if he kept it that way then he could probably save himself some heartache. (Spoiler alert: he learns his name anyways.)
--
“Mei! Hurry up, it isn’t smart to be late on the first day. Gotta make good impressions and all that.”
“Hey, what’s his name.”
“Oh that’s Eijun Sawamura, he’s a lite major. Nothing special, why do you ask?”
“Why do you care why I ask? Anyways! Let’s go, I have a grand entrance to make do I not?”
--
Mei Narumiya.
That was the name of the blue-eyed mystery boy who caught his eye. Eijun curses himself for learning the name, a name that so easily rolls off the tongue. A name that when spoken causes his heart to flutter, his head to turn. It was so silly, Eijun felt ridiculous being so affected by someone he had just met. If he learned to keep his mouth shut, maybe none of it ever would have happened.
It all started in the library. Eijun would admit he wasn’t the best student, he always had trouble focusing on the topics he didn’t like and even the ones he did would cause him trouble sometimes. But he always tried his best, he was told all his life that he shouldn’t pursue higher education, should stick with something practical like helping his grandfather run the farm back home. Leave it to Eijun to defy those expectations, he was determined to forge his own path, to follow his own dream. (“How very bullish of you Eijun.” “Harucchi not you too!”)
That’s why he sat in the library surrounded by paper and textbooks desperately trying to gain an understanding of college calculus. So far it was not working, but he had to figure something out before his test tomorrow or he was basically, no, literally, screwed. It was the only class he was actively failing and a bad grade on the next text would put him to the point of no return. He couldn’t let that happen, but the more he stared at the numbers the more confused he felt. He would cry out in anguish but this was a library and loud noises were very much frowned upon.
“Wow, never seen math make a person look so defeated. But since I’m so kind and benevolent, I’ll offer up my assistance.”
The voice came seemingly from out of nowhere. Yet all it took was one slight head tilt up for Eijun to see the owner. He didn’t expect much, he assumed it was just another cocky STEM kid who doesn’t know when to mind their business, but then, their eyes met.
They were the same blue eyes from the other day.
It knocked the wind right out of Eijun. After all, he never expected to have any interaction with the pretty boy past the first time he saw him. He thought it would be just like any other time, he would see a boy who piqued his interest, then he would see the string attached to his finger, he would wallow for a bit over it, and then go about his days. Seems life (maybe fate?) had other plans for him.
“I’ll take the silence as a, ‘yes please save me from the scary numbers mystery stranger’ and take a seat.”
And just like that Mei Narumiya tumbled into Eijun Sawamura’s life.
When the mystery boy sat, Eijun raised his head from the desk and gave him a very quick but quite obvious once over. He was shorter than him, he could tell even without standing up. But what he lacked in height he made up for in shoulder broadness. He had bright blond hair and the type of smile that said, ‘I’m better than everyone in the room and I know it’. Eijun wanted so badly to hate him, to brush him off and go about his day pretending this interaction never happened and yet, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t help himself from being drawn in to the other’s pretty eyes and bold demeanor. He couldn’t stop himself from being curious, he wanted to know more about the boy who sat in front of him, he wanted to know where the attitude of greatness came from. So he rested his chin on his hand and let amber gold melt into icy blue.
“So does this kind and benevolent one have a name?” He asked, his first words to the others.
This seemed to amuse the other. His smile broadened just a bit and he fixed his posture ever so slightly to show how engaged he was with Eijun. It made the brunette’s heart race in a way he knows it shouldn’t.
“I’m Mei Narumiya, but you can call me your gracious math savior, seeing as you looked pretty hopeless before I showed up.” He was so full of himself, and usually that made Eijun angry. He usually hated show off types, the ones who would talk big even before showing off their skills. Yet he found himself matching the other’s smile, amused with his words.
“And what about you? What’s your name?”
He shouldn’t answer. He shouldn’t let him in too close. It always hurts in the end and Eijun is so tired of getting hurt. But he has never been the type to think before he acts and before he can even stop it, the words are already leaving his mouth, solidifying a twist in fate.
“Eijun Sawamura. I hope your gaudy words match your skills because if I fail my calc test I’ll blame it on you.”
( “Is that a challenge?”
“Oh it is most definitely a challenge.”
“Fine, if you pass, you owe me one request of my choice. If you fail, I will owe you one request of your choice, deal?”
“Deal.” )
-
Eijun didn’t fail.
No, in fact, Eijun passed with flying colors. He got the third highest grade in the class and his professor was so impressed with his turn around he offered Eijun an extra credit assignment to help save his grade. He himself couldn’t even believe it, not when the tests were handed back, not when the professor complimented him, and still as he sat in his dorm staring down at the paper he just could not fathom that was his grade. He wanted to be proud, he wanted to puff out his chest and show off to everyone (Haruichi) who said he should take the F and try again next semester. However any feelings of pride or excitement were drowned out by the memory of Mei Narumiya smugly putting his number into Eijun’s phone with a wink and promise he wouldn’t make him do anything too bad.
Eijun never should have taken the stupid deal. He should be doing his best to stay away from the boy who makes his heart flutter while having a red string tied to his pinky promising him to another. Fate was too cruel to Eijun. It seemed to like his misery as it just kept throwing people in his path to make him hope then ripping them away soon after leaving him crushed. He didn’t want it to happen again, he didn’t want to add ‘Mei Narumiya’ to his list of people who have left scars on his heart (Kazuya Miyuki, Sanada Shunpei, Kuramochi Yoichi etc.). And yet, Eijun also couldn’t help his competitive nature so he took the bet without a second thought. It wasn’t like he wanted to fail though, he just wanted the satisfaction of triumphing over Mei. Except that didn’t happen and now he sat with a passed test and an open text message trying to figure out how to tell the pretty blond boy the news.
He stared at his phone screen for what felt like hours, typing and deleting a multitude of different messages trying to start a conversation. Each one was cringier than the last. Eijun wanted to give up, letting his forehead hit the desk and sighing dramatically. He’s lucky Haruichi was out because if the other was in the dorm room with him he would be endlessly teasing him. Eijun could only handle so many emotions at once. He was going to just leave it, not text him, and hope Mei forgot about the stupid little bet and him all together. That would be for the best after all (Eijun bitterly thinks of the stupid red string Mei had on his finger and his heart aches). He has just about given up when his phone vibrates.
Ding!
Mei: so did you pass?
And just like that Eijun is sitting straight up in his seat, holding his phone way too close to his face as he stares at the screen. His eyes widen as he inspects the notification. It’s so simple. Just four little words, just one small question. Yet it makes Eijun’s heart race. And maybe he’s too eager to answer, maybe he doesn’t mind the fact that he lost, maybe all his worries fly away for just a moment. Mei texted him first. Mei was thinking about him. Mei didn’t forget him. It made him smile just a bit too much. But in the silence of his dorm room with no one but himself and his silly little dream of being acknowledged, of being wanted, Eijun let’s it happen.
Eijun: unfortunately i did.
Mei: oh i am SO sorry that with my gracious help you won’t fail calc. I really feel so bad for you, truly.
Eijun: yeah yeah gloat all you want blondie.
Mei : i would have done that with or without your permission thank you very much.
Eijun can’t help but scoff at the response, his eyes automatically rolling. How very arrogant of him, he shouldn’t expect less though, not from the one who called himself a ‘gracious math savior’ upon their first meeting. (His smile is still wide and cheeks dusted pink).
Eijun: ur so…
Mei: what? beautiful? intelligent? awe-inspiring?
Eijun: u know what? nvm!
Eijun: anyways, might as well rip the band aid off now. what r u gonna request from me?
There is a long pause. Eijun almost thinks Mei won’t answer. That this will be the end of it all. And maybe that’s for the best because Eijun wouldn’t want to put himself through another round of falling and crashing due to a pretty boy and his red string. Yet he can’t help the sinking feeling that crushes his heart or the worry that weighs his shoulders down. His smile has fallen and he wonders just what could be taking the other so long.
Eijun waits and waits. He thinks he is prepared when his phone dings the way it does when he gets a text.
Mei: my request is quite simple (like you).
Eijun wants to be offended, he starts typing out his own witty response when another message pops up.
Mei: i want you to accompany me on a date!
Oh.
Eijun’s jaw goes slack. His golden brown eyes are wider than ever before. He must have read the text a hundred times before it truly sets in what he is being asked. And when it does, when it finally hits, that realization, it hits like a truck. Eijun is floored by so many emotions he can’t even begin to describe. A date? Really? Out of all the things to ask for? It’s ridiculous! It’s like one of those stupid things he would read in a shoujo manga. How cliché, Eijun wanted to laugh.
And yet his heart dances. His body thrums with positive energy and he is blushing a bright pink.
He can pretend all he wants, he can huff and complain all he wants because in the end there is no denying that he is absolutely happy. He tries rationalizing a reason to say no. He tries to desperately hold on to his self-preservation. But the voice screaming for him to say no, the voice that tells him he will be hurt all over again, it is loud.
‘Don’t fall for it. It always ends the same. He isn’t any different. You saw the string you know how this goes, he finds his true soulmate and he’ll forget all about you. They all did and there is no proof to say he won’t either. Protect yourself.”
The words bounce around his head and Eijun thinks of the past. He thinks of the pain, the tears he cried when Miyuki Kazuya told him he was leaving just as Eijun told him he loved him. He thinks of the sobs when Kuramochi Yoichi thanked him for the chocolates and then gave them back. He thinks of Sanada Shunpei calling him beautiful before saying they were just too different to work and how hard Eijun tried to change something unchangeable. Eijun remembers that ugly hollow feeling he got whenever he saw those three and they all looked past him as if he was nothing but a forgotten memory. He had held them so close and they tossed him aside because of a silly little red string on their silly little fingers.
Eijun remembers loneliness and how much he hates it.
He should say no. He types it out, it’s just two letters, so quick and so easy. All he has to do is hit send. But it feels so wrong. He thinks of Mei and his blue eyes, how easy it is to drown in them. He thinks of Mei and math that seems so easy when he explains it with that smooth, attention demanding voice. He thinks of Mei and he is filled with a silly sort of hope. He has gone through so much heartbreak, what’s one more time? Fuck the red string and fuck fate, he just wants to see Mei laugh again (and he wants to be the reason).
Eijun: well when you ask so boldly how can i say no?
-
Eijun has never been one to back down from a challenge. He has only ever faced things head on usually with no thought put behind his choices. And it works (mostly). But tonight was different, tonight was his date with Mei and that wasn’t something he could just barrel his way through. His usual energetic, puppy-like demeanor was gone and replaced with nerves, nerves, and more nerves.
It was like torture waiting for Mei to show up.
The two had made plans to meet right at the edge of campus because Mei wanted to ‘surprise’ Eijun with their destination. According to him it was in walking distance and so Eijun accepted his proposal except instead of showing up at the agreed upon time Eijun showed up thirty minutes early. (“It’s only proper to show up early for dates, Eijun! And never be late, punctuality is the path to the heart ya know?” His mother had told him once, it has stuck with him since). He thought showing up early would help calm his nerves, he thought showing up early would give him a chance to build confidence, and yet all showing up early actually did was make him feel ten times worse about agreeing to go on this date.
Eijun went to a big college, the kind people see in movies. It was centered in a city and so the entrance of said college saw a lot of foot traffic from students going in and out or from people just casually strolling down the street. While most of these people had nothing to do with each other they all shared one common thread between them.
Those damn red strings.
Eijun has grown to despise such color.
It haunted him. It was a constant reminder of what he would never have, what he so badly ached for. Each person who walked by with their stupid red strings and their mystery fated soulmate at the end of it, he hated it. He hated seeing all the strings tied together in different knots as they constantly overlapped. He hated seeing how frayed some were because that meant the relationship was not going well and he could not imagine the idea that some people would waste the chance at such pure love. After all, no matter what anyone with a little string wrapped neatly around their finger would end up with the person at the other end. Fate was an absolute.
‘One of these people could be Mei’s soulmate.’
That’s the thought that truly stuck out though, each string he saw pass, each person at the end of it, he wondered if they belonged to the other half of Mei’s string. The idea made Eijun’s stomach sink like a boat. It was a cruel reminder that Eijun would not end up with Mei, that no matter how well this date went, Eijun was just a pit stop before Mei found the person he was truly supposed to be with. Eijun couldn’t have any high hopes, not with that stupid little red string mocking him at every turn. It made him bitter but not in the angry way where one looks for revenge and acts out in hopes of winning a losing battle. Eijun was bitter in the sad way because when Eijun was a child, red was his favorite color as it reminded him that love was real. And now all the color red did was make him remember that he was not built to love or be loved back.
Fate was cruel that way.
It got to the point where Eijun almost wanted to run away. He could say he got sick! Or he could tell Haruichi to tell Mei he died tragically (maybe something along the lines of a shark attack or a plane crash, just extra dramatic). That would be simple. It was the easy way out. And Eijun wanted to, for a split second he wanted to run so badly it ate him alive. He was a mess of emotions and stress and underlying sadness he didn’t know what to do with himself and the world seemed to be descending into utter chaos right in front of him.
Then he saw Mei and it was like the storm of red that had engulfed him was washed away by a wave of blue.
“Eijun!”
All hopes of running were crushed as the blond approached. He was smiling widely (it was so cute Eijun wanted to die right then and there). He was dressed simply yet stylishly, just eye catching enough that most people would have to do a double take upon seeing him, just the way he liked. He, unlike Eijun, exuded confidence. It seeped out of him and attracted the attention of anyone within a twenty foot radius. It was almost like magic, he seemed to float instead of walk. Whatever it was, his presence and his aura infected Eijun and very quickly he felt himself calm down. All existential questions and worries began to melt, replaced with the image of Mei’s smile.
“Are you excited? You have the chance to spend the day with me which, if you didn’t know, is quite the privilege!” He says once closer. His attitude is still the same, just as high and mighty as ever.
“Oh really? What are you some sort of prince?” Eijun says it as a joke, he’s trying to come down off his half breakdown. He doesn’t want to be miserable on this date, he wants to enjoy himself because Mei is pretty and he likes him (maybe?) So why shouldn’t he be happy? (The glow of a red string mocks him, he ignores it, focused on the blue of Mei’s eyes). It seems his little quip falls flat as Mei perks up at the title. In an unexpected turn of events, the blond attaches himself to Eijun’s arm. He is just a few inches shorter than Eijun, it makes his heart flip as he looks down at the other, their eyes meeting.
“A prince? You think? Well I would agree! Glad you and I are on the same page. Now let’s go, I don’t want to be late.” And just like that, Mei is dragging Eijun down the street, chatting his ear off about his day. Eijun can barely focus on that though, instead he is staring down at Mei’s hands. They are wrapped snugly around his arm, so casually, so easily, and something like this would usually fluster the hell out of Eijun. But sadly Eijun could only feel one thing, disdain. Disdain for the red string attached to Mei’s finger. Disdain at the fact that said string rested on his arm as if it was laughing at him. It was as if the string was telling him that he was destined to fail, that he was nothing when compared to fate’s plan. Eijun wanted to fight that but knew it would bear fruitless results.
Fate was harsh like that.
That red storm from before began to brew again right at the base of his heart. Eijun could feel it stewing, it made him tense. That helpless feeling bubbled up and he was going to give in until Mei tugged on his arm and that calming blue washed over him once again.
“Eijun, Eijun! Look! We are here!” Mei said excitedly. Eijun tore his eyes away from the red string and up to the destination he had been dragged to.
An aquarium.
It was huge and bustling with activity and usually in a place like this red strings take over Eijun’s vision. In places with crowds like this red is all Eijun sees but here, here that red is drowned out by blue. He didn’t have time to marvel at such a thing as Mei was once again pulling him forward to the entrance.
“Come on, I want to see the sharks first!” Mei said and Eijun could only nod. He was surrounded by blue and red was the furthest thing from his mind. He couldn’t believe it but he couldn’t be happier as they were surrounded by glass and blue water and it was almost as if the strings melted away into the faux ocean this place had created. Yet the most amazing part of it all, was how Mei glowed. He was made for the color blue it was as a halo of blue surrounded him, making his eyes pop, making his smile brighter. And no longer did a red storm haunt Eijun’s heart. No, it was gone, replaced by a beautifully blue rain, the kind that makes a person want to dance. It awakens a happiness in Eijun he hasn’t felt in so long, a freedom from the burden of strings and fate and fear. In this moment, with Mei, he can just be happy and pretend all that other bullshit doesn’t exist.
So he pushes forward, he let’s Mei’s hands slide down his arm until one finds his hand and he laces them together. They fit together perfectly (as cliché as it is to say).
“First sharks then jellyfish! And we have to see the dolphin show okay?” Eijun called behind him, a big smile engulfing his features. Mei could only tighten his grip on the taller boy's hand as he almost jogged to keep up with his pace. Yet his smile was just as big and he couldn’t contain the giggles in between his words.
“S-slow down Eijun!”
“No way! We have to see everything and we only have so much time! We gotta go, go, go!”
Mei was at his side now, blue eyes shiny with happiness and cheeks pink. He was obviously pleased that Eijun was enjoying himself.
“You have so much energy all of a sudden, can’t say I hate it though. Just don’t leave me in the dust pretty boy.”
Eijun beams at Mei.
“I could never do that to you my prince!”
(Mei slaps his chest and they both burst into a fit of laughter, other people are staring, and they are tangled up by red strings, but neither seem to care, too enraptured by each other.)
-
Being with Mei was easy.
He had the biggest energy, everywhere he went he made sure to make himself known. His presence was meant to be acknowledged and it was easy to get lost in the glamour of it all Eijun discovered. When he was with Mei it was like everything else melted away. With Mei the strings melted into the surroundings no longer haunting him with their angry red. Instead, all Eijun could think about now was the shine of Mei’s diamond blue eyes and how they twinkled when he laughed.
Ever since the aquarium date (which went swimmingly, by the way) Mei and Eijun haven’t gone a day without either seeing or talking to one another. Eijun liked to send Mei pictures of cats that reminded him of the blond and Mei liked to relay to Eijun all the drama that went down in the math department (because there was a lot of it apparently). They didn’t label the relationship, no that question still hung in the air every time they were near. But don’t get it twisted, Eijun wanted to date Mei. He wanted to proudly call the other his boyfriend and flaunt how pretty he was. He wanted to take the other on dates like to a baseball game (they found they both shared a love of baseball) and he wanted to be able to kiss Mei with no hesitation just because he could.
Eijun wanted a lot of things but really all he wanted was the burden of fate and soulmates and strings lifted off his shoulder. He didn’t want to constantly think about the impending doom that was… whatever this relationship he had with Mei was called. He just wanted to be normal, to be ignorant to the ties of fate, to blissfully fall in love and at least if his heart broke he wouldn’t have to know why. He wouldn’t have to expect it or know that it was because he was alone in a world full of people who all had someone meant for them. Eijun had come to hate fate for dealing him the cards it did, all he got were jokers in a game where they weren’t allowed.
Fate was tiring.
Yet still, Eijun couldn’t sleep. He could hear the soft snores of Haruichi who slept soundly next to him and the buzz of the small fan they kept in their room. Usually that white noise was enough to lull him to bed even on his most restless of nights. But tonight all it did was interrupt his thoughts and disrupt his wallowing. He could go for a run to calm him down but it was so dark that may not be the best idea. He weighed his options until his phone buzzed.
Annoying Prince: u up?
The notification shocked him. Mei never texted him this late, always going on and on about needing his beauty sleep and what not.
Eijun: wow didn’t know you could act like such a fuck boy mei, wanna know if i’m alone too?
Annoying Prince: oh shut the fuck up i actually want to be serious for once.
Eijun felt his heart seize in his chest. Serious? Mei Narumiya was a lot of things but serious was very rarely one of them. Eijun had only ever seen Mei serious (and upset) once. When he got less than an A on a test. He had found Mei outside his classroom building, eyes watering as he looked down at the test. It was only a B+, just one point away from an A, but Mei still took it so badly. His fists were clenched so hard that the paper crumpled underneath his grip and on his other hand marks from where his nails dug into his palms were visible. Eijun didn’t know what to do in such a forgein situation. So he didn’t say anything. He just lightly uncurled Mei’s hands and slipped his own hand in as a replacement. He held him close and walked him back to his dorm and when he tried to leave Mei quietly asked him to stay so he did. He stayed until the other fell asleep, he stayed until those diamond eyes finally rested. And in the morning Mei texted him saying if he ever told anyone he saw him like that he would put Eijun’s head on a spike, so basically he was okay. That’s why this text worried him. But he couldn’t just leave him hanging if anything he was now obligated to get to the bottom of what was happening.
Eijun: oh shit well sorry. what’s up?
Annoying Prince: just come meet me, im outside ur building rn.
He was outside? Eijun rushed over to the small window in between he and Haruichi’s bed and peaked out the blinds. Sure enough he could see Mei standing against a tree, wrapped up in a sweater, waiting for Eijun to come down. It was baffling, he came all the way here and for what? It must be more serious than Eijun thought.
(‘He is here to say goodbye. He probably reached the person at the end of his string and is ready to discard you like always. You aren’t special. You were always just a distraction.’ His stomach twists at the thoughts his brain supplies. He doesn’t have time to dwell.)
With haste Eijun threw on a sweater of his own and slippers. All the noise must have woken Haruichi as the other boy was now sitting up in bed rubbing one of his eyes and glaring at Eijun with the other.
“You better have a good reason for this, Junnie.” The pink-haired boy grumbles.
“Haruichi have I ever told you that you are amazing and wonderful and kind and the bestest friend in the world? I’ll buy you mochi to make up for this but I can’t explain right now. Gotta go!” Eijun pushes out the words as fast as possible as he rushes out the door. He tries to as quickly (and quietly) rush down the steps until he reaches the bottom floor. Soon enough he is blasted by the cold air of the autumn night and face to face with Mei Narumiya.
His cheeks are the color of cherry blossoms, a tinted pink due to the chill. The sweater he wears is just slightly too big (it might be Eijun’s) making him look cozy, his hair is messy and unstyled, falling into his face, and his eyes are still blue just as they had been the first day they made eye contact in the hall. And Mei looks so vulnerable like this. There is no mask here, it is just Mei and all he has to offer. Eijun feels lucky to see this side of him but he wonders what it might mean as Mei steps closer and closer to him. He gets so close and Eijun can’t move, he is caught under that blue gaze that haunts his dreams at night.
“Do you know why I asked you to meet me?” His voice, while softer than usual, still held edge because it wouldn’t be Mei without it now would it? (No, the answer was no). As a reply, Eijun can only shake his head to which Mei only quirks an eyebrow to, Eijun gulps.
“I thought you’d be smarter than that Ei but you also almost didn’t pass calc without me so I guess I shouldn’t have expected much.” Eijun was going to reply, a witty remark waiting to be released hung on the tip of his tongue and then-
Oh.
The words died on his lips as Mei kissed him. It was so quick, just a peck, an acknowledgment of the feelings that had been floating around them for weeks now. Mei was never the patient type and he was never good at talking about his feelings either. Mei didn’t wait around for things either, when he wanted something he took it, no matter how hard he may have to try. Like that test he got a B+ on? He begged his professor for a retest until he finally caved and on his second try he got a perfect score. That was just the type of person Mei was, strong and stubborn and so smart and so funny and he was everything Eijun has ever wanted wrapped up with blue eyes and bad math jokes. And yes the kiss was quick but Eijun didn’t want to let go of that weightless feeling he got when their lips touched so he chased after Mei, reconnecting their lips in a more heated kiss. A confession. Eijun wasn’t good with emotions either but his actions spoke volumes, when he had something he wanted he held it tight and he didn’t let go. If only that mattered though.
It was between the second kiss and the moment their eyes met after pulling away did Eijun realize two things.
One, he was in love with Mei Narumiya. He was in love with the way the other boy said his name. He was in love with how easily Mei was himself and how he never backed down in front of anyone. Mei didn’t change for others and even if the world demanded it Mei didn’t change himself he changed the world and Eijun was so in love with him it made him sick. He wanted to spend every waking moment finding out more about Mei. Eijun wanted to drown in those blue eyes of his and he wanted to whisper ‘I love you’ and watch how they shined after.
Two, Mei did not love him back. Even if he thought he did. Even if he wanted to. It didn’t matter, it never mattered. Red strings don’t lie. Fate does not change and Eijun was not at the end of the red string attached to Mei’s left pinkie. This meant Eijun would have to say goodbye again, and that he would be alone again. At least he knew Mei would be happy, maybe that would save him some pain.
“I take it that means you like me too?” Mei had so much hope in his voice, in his eyes. The blue Eijun loved so much shimmered like the ocean on a clear summer day, he wished he could preserve the beauty. He wished for a lot of things.
A red storm began to brew within his heart, cracking and tearing it to shreds.
“No, it doesn’t.” And the said red storm now engulfs Eijun’s world as he steps back. He let’s it run its course like it has all those times before. He watches the way Mei’s eyes fog up and he aches. How does he tell him it is for both their own goods in the end?
“What do you mean no it doesn’t? You kissed me back! You agreed on going on a date with me. You’re the one who has gone out of your way to wedge yourself into my life and now you want to back out? It doesn’t work like that Eijun.” And Mei is angry, he himself has been taken by the red storm which rained down on their hearts, acting as an agency of fate.
“It just means it doesn’t okay! This was a mistake. Please just go, you’re making this harder than it has to be.” His words are so cold Eijun surprises himself. He sounds cruel, he hates it. So he tries to walk away, in another world Mei let’s him,
In this one he doesn’t.
“That’s bullshit Eijun! If this was a mistake why’d it happen, why’d you let it happen? You wouldn’t kiss me back if it didn’t mean something, you aren’t like that, I know you aren’t.” And he sounds so sure. Mei sounds so sure that he knows him as Eijun hasn’t been keeping a big secret from him this whole time. It is laughable how stupid this all is, how much Mei is willing to fight for a love that would never last.
And maybe that’s it. Maybe fate isn’t cruel, maybe it’s just funny. Maybe it likes to make a joke out of the lives of people, out of Eijun. Well if this is fates take on a joke Eijun hopes it knows he isn’t laughing.
“You don’t know anything Mei. You are fighting a losing battle so please, just let me go, it will be easier this way.” He is begging at this point. Eijun just wants to go home and cry to Haruichi about his newest loss. He would tell him all about the new name carved on his heart and how it ended and Haruichi would stroke his hair and let him cry. He didn’t want to see Mei on the brink of tears fighting for him when all it would do is prolong the inevitable, better to break up now then when Mei finds his soulmate because it’s worse that way (Eijun knows that all too well).
“Oh don’t give me that. No. No! I’m not leaving and I’m not letting you go until you give me a real explanation as to why, why are you doing this Eijun? Please?” Maybe it’s the way Mei’s voice cracks when he speaks or maybe it’s the look in his eyes or maybe it’s how tightly he holds on to Eijun’s arm just like he did back on their first date. Eijun isn’t sure which one the final straw is, maybe it was all three, maybe it was nothing at all, but it prompted him to speak without his carefully crafted filter.
“Because it doesn’t matter! None of this matters! I’m not your soulmate Mei and don’t ask how I know, I can see those stupid red strings of fate people love to talk about. Everyone has one, everyone including you but not me. My curse in return for having such sight. You don’t love me, you can’t. And I’m sorry I’m trying to save us both from the pain of a fake relationship that I know will end and you won’t ever be fully satisfied with because I’m not the one who you truly want. Even if you don’t know them and even if you do, your heart knows when it is with the right person and I’m sorry Mei but that’s just not me. So please, save me another heartbreak from falling for someone with a string attached to their finger because honestly I am sick and tired of getting my hopes up knowing they will get crushed, It’s tiring Mei, I’m tired.” Eijun didn't realize how much he truly said until he said it. And when he does finally register the words that flew from his mouth he gasps. He can’t grasp the look Mei gives him, he can only let himself stumble backwards than turn and run. He can hear the calls coming from behind him, the futile collection of ‘wait’ and ‘Ejun’ and ‘stop’ muddle together as he gets further and further away.
When he reaches his dorm room he realizes he’s crying. Fat tears stream down his face and the sobs he had held back rip right through him. Haruichi is at his side in a moment and he isn’t sure how but he finally gets back to his bed. Somewhere in between his garbled explanation of what happened and cries Eijun falls asleep.
He dreams of being choked by red strings.
When he wakes the strings are gone but the feeling remains.
-
Avoiding Mei is easy.
The lit department and math department are on the other sides of the campus and Eijun knows all Mei’s favorite spots to avoid. It’s also easy because he is sure Mei isn’t searching him out. And sure it hurts, sure a small part of him wished Mei cared enough to try and find him. But he knew it was for the best if they just both forgot about one another. So what if Eijun could still remember the taste of Mei on his lips and sure he missed the electric buzz he got when he was with Mei, but it would all fade with time, it always does.
It works for a while. Eijun doesn’t see Mei for a week.
Then he sees him everywhere.
Not in person, but he starts seeing him in places, hearing him in songs, and seeing the shadow of his figure in places the two had spent time. It’s like he is being haunted by the ghost of someone who has not died yet. It drives him crazy, he is trying so hard to forget and yet it seems the world won’t let him. If it’s a joke, it’s certainly a cruel one.
Fate is laughing and there is nothing Eijun can do to stop it.
That’s why when he sees Mei outside his door one late night he doesn’t believe it at first. He thinks it’s just a part of the joke life has decided to play on him, just his eyes playing tricks on him. So he closes the door and when the second knock comes, he knows it’s real. All of Eijun’s muscles tense and he can feel his heart pound faster and faster. He shouldn’t be here, Mei should have moved on. He should have forgotten all about Eijun (how hypocritical of him to say). So why was he here? What else was there to say? Eijun told him about the red strings, he told him they wouldn’t work out and sure Mei could have not believed him but usually that would be a crazy enough thing to say for anyone to not fight for the person who said it. So why was Mei here? Why couldn’t he just spare Eijun’s heart?
“Open the door Eijun.” He hears Mei call. It breaks him out of his spiral (arguably by putting him in a worse position) and all he can do is stare at the door in front of him in shock.
“N-no!” He finally responds.
“If you don’t open this goddamn door I’ll force it open myself and I don’t think you, your RA, or Haruichi will like that very much.” Mei says, jiggling the handle of his door. Eijun weighs his options, he could just not open it. However, that begs the question: would Mei actually try to break his door? If so he doesn’t want to deal with the aftermath of that (he imagines a fuming Haruichi and shivers). Besides, opening it won’t be so bad, it’s not like Mei can change his mind. As long as the blond boy has a red string attached to his finger Eijun couldn’t be with him and maybe that was selfish but after everything he’s gone through he can’t help it. His heart was already broken enough.
“Fine.” Eijun finally mutters, opening the door to finally come face to face with the slightly shorter, obviously frustrated, blond boy who stole his heart. Their eyes meet but Eijun can no longer let himself be sucked in by the blue gaze, instead he drops his gaze to the string that hangs at his side. He lets the red infect him, remembers the feeling he dreamed of where they wrapped themselves around his throat, a reminder that he would never escape the strings of fate.
Eijun feels the red storm swell and remembers once again why he hates the color so much.
“If you’re hear to change my mind I’ll stop you now-”
“No. Shut up. I’m going to talk and you’re gonna listen and you’re gonna listen well.” Mei interrupts him with a voice of steel. Eijun is taken aback but can’t seem to form a response. He was too entrapped by Mei’s overwhelming aura (it was blue because of course it was). So he lets him talk and (hopes) his heart doesn’t waver.
“When you told me about seeing red strings I almost didn’t believe you. I thought maybe it was just some crazy excuse to get away from me. And at first I was angry, but then I realized. You’re a horrible liar Eijun.” Eijun winces at that because yeah, it’s true. Whenever he tries to lie his ears turn a deep shade of pink. He’s not sure how Mei would know that, he only ever lied to Mei once and it was about liking a show he recommended to him. He didn’t account for the fact that Mei was watching him, observing him, and learning about him just as much as Eijun was to Mei.
“And then, I got even angrier! I don’t know if you just haven’t been paying attention the last two months we’ve spent together, but I don’t back down easily. I don’t let anyone or anything tell me what I can and can’t do, that includes fate. Do you think I care that I have a soulmate somewhere else in the world? You think any of that stupid ‘fate is absolute’ bullshit matters to me? Because it doesn’t!” And now Mei was yelling. Loud and in his face and Eijun probably deserved it doesn’t mean it changed his mind though.
“Just because you don’t care or don’t believe doesn’t matter Mei! You think I didn’t try that already? I tried not caring about the strings, I tried ignoring them, it doesn’t matter! Everyone leaves for their soulmate eventually! There isn’t any point so just drop it, you’ll be happier that way.” And now Eijun was yelling too because of course Mei would say that. Of course Mei, who has never been a victim of fate and it’s cruelty would try to say it didn’t matter. Eijun wished it didn’t matter because if that was true he wouldn’t have to fight this fight, he wouldn’t have to push Mei away.
“Bullshit! Don’t tell me how I feel or what I will feel. How can you say that when in this past week without you I’ve been nothing but miserable? I don’t care what it takes if I have to, I'll change my fate myself because only I get to decide who I love and I love you, Eijun. And I know you do too because you wouldn’t fight this hard if you didn’t.”
He was crying. Mei was crying. Tears rolled down his face and his hands gripped Eijun’s shirt so tight Eijun thought the fabric would tear. Mei didn’t cry, Mei was strong and Mei didn’t cry but somehow Eijun managed to make him do so. It broke something in him, seeing the person he cared for so much, no, the person he loved to cry like that. So he took the other's face in his hands and gave him the best smile he could muster.
“Of course I love you. Who wouldn’t fall in love with you? You’re beautiful and you’re amazing and you are everything I could ever want and more.” And he is pushing the tears off Mei’s cheeks and he is drowning in a blue he tried so hard to wash off. “But I’m not your soulmate. And I don’t want you to feel guilty when you have to leave me when you find them. I just want you to be happy.”
The red begins to fray.
“I’m happiest when I’m with you. Why don’t you understand that? Why can’t we just forget fate, forget strings, why can’t we fight together?”
The knot begins to loosen.
“Do you really think that will work?”
The red fades.
“I think I can make anything happen because I’m Mei Narumiya. But taking on fate is a big challenge so I’m going to need your help. Will you help me, Eijun Sawamura?”
And when the string falls from Mei’s finger neither boy notices. They are too wrapped up in the blue world they have built together.
“Tempting offer, I think I have to say yes.”
Their lips connect and unbeknownst to them fate has already changed, the game is finally over because fate may like it’s jokes and fate may like to laugh, but fate loves happy endings too.
(Fuck the color red. Diamond blue is much prettier, Eijun has discovered.)