Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Eh?! What did you just say, Nagi-senpai?”

Even though he asked, Jun already knew he hadn’t misheard. It wasn’t like Nagisa to not ask for something he wanted directly. Instead, it was what he wanted that was usually the confusing bit. Jun’s heart was racing harder now than it had been during practice, and the hands that were wringing out the sweat from the shirt he still wore were frozen stiff in place. Nagisa, meanwhile, glistened like the exercise had meant nothing to him. So why? Why would he see Jun in such a depleted state and ask something like that?

“…Ah, I didn’t realize you were focused on something when I asked, I’m sorry,” Nagisa offered, sincerity coming through his smile while his straight-forward eyes gave away no sense of humor. If he believed Jun’s word, then that only made the junior feel worse. “…It’s nothing too much. I was hoping to be able to visit your family, if that’s alright.”

Jun stared emptily for a moment, unsure of how to answer in a way that wasn’t asking for clarification again. It couldn’t be avoided though—he had to know why.

“Oh, that’s what you said,” Jun nervously returned, hands dropping his shirt as he felt a new sheen of sweat already soaking it through. “Er, it’d probably be fine, but why exactly do you want to meet them?”

“…I was curious,” Nagisa explained in the way where he didn’t explain anything.

“Curious as to…What exactly?” Jun returned, hoping he wasn’t being rude in questioning his senior’s judgement. A bead of sweat rolled across the back of his neck, and his hands felt clammy and cold. Nagisa, on the other hand, looked perfect as he always did.

“…I wanted to know what Jun’s youth was like,” Nagisa elaborated, picking up from there. “…I spent my childhood alongside Hiyori, so I know what he went through firsthand. Ibara is reluctant to share information, but I know many of the overarching details. Unfortunately, there isn’t a home to visit or family to meet. It’s the same as me, I suppose. Jun, however, still has family and a home he grew up in. I would like to see both, if it’s okay.”

Wait. Nagisa wasn’t just asking to meet his parents, but their home as well? Why? Jun’s eyes bulged, and his heart rate picked up until it reached a rapid pace that outnumbered the speed at which it raced during practice. What was even happening anymore? Had he lost his sense of hearing, or was there something else wrong? Jun couldn’t comprehend it. Yet questioning what came out of Nagisa’s mouth felt dirty. Who was he to judge what the strangely pure senior had to say?

“I…I mean, I guess that’s fine then,” Jun swallowed.

“…It’s fine to say no,” Nagisa offered, taking a step forward. With it came his beautiful scent of apples and honey, crisp and fragrant even despite the intense workout they’d been doing. “…I don’t want to intrude on Jun’s privacy. Am I making you uncomfortable by asking about this?”

“No!” Jun answered louder than he meant, raising his hands up to his chest. “Erm, no, you’re not…You’re not making me uncomfortable or anything, it’s just a shock. I don’t really know if you’d enjoy meeting them, is the thing, and my family home is…It’s just an apartment you’d find anywhere. I don’t think Nagi-senpai would find it particularly interesting, so it’s just sorta surprising that you’d ask about it.”

“…I haven’t visited an apartment before,” Nagisa admitted. “…I’ve lived in the Tomoe estate, and my foster family’s home was a two story house. Outside of the dormitories of Shuuetsu and Starmony, I haven’t known anything else.”

“Oh,” Jun uttered, not knowing what the hell else to say at this point.

Why was he so nervous even? It wasn’t like Hiyori hadn’t met his parents just last year. Then again, Hiyori hadn’t seen his home either. They’d all met at a restaurant, Jun’s dad very insistent on meeting the special student who was part of an idol group that had connections with Shuuetsu’s honor student program. Even then, there wasn’t this strange, overwhelming feeling of shame that Jun didn’t really know why Nagisa in particular was making him feel this way. It would be the same as Hiyori, his older unit mate coming to visit his parents and make connections with a former idol. Getting to see where Jun came from, and why he acted the way that he did. It was totally fine…Right?

“…Jun, is it alright?” Nagisa asked, snapping Jun out of his thoughts.

“What?” Jun blinked before catching himself. “I mean, yeah, no, it’s fine.”

“…No?” Nagisa tilted his head, brows furrowing.

“I mean yes!!” Jun shook his head, confusing the situation faster. “Argh, I’m trying to say that I’ll call my parents and see what time works for them. I’m sure they’d love to meet you, Nagi-senpai, in fact my dad has even asked about you before. Is there anything you’d want to eat? My mom will want to know before we come over, or else she’ll keep fussing the entire time about whether or not you like it. Actually, she’ll keep fussing, but at least she’ll worry less if she knows she’s making you something you enjoy.”

“…Anything chocolate would be fine,” Nagisa answered.

“I guess my mom can make something you’ll like for dessert then,” Jun scratched his cheek and let out a sigh. “Well, outside of Ohii-san’s favorites of pies and cakes, I guess you’ll eat just about anything then? Mom can make some pretty good shoyu ramen, how’s that sound?”

“…I’m looking forward to it~” Nagisa stepped closer once more, and unprompted without warning, he took Jun’s hands into his own. Lifting them up between the two, the junior’s gaze met the stunning cherry reds before him and felt a shiver run down his spine. “…Thank you for this, Jun. I hope we can enjoy spending time together.”

Jun’s hands, disgustingly moist and rigid, were released as the godly Nagisa passed him and headed towards the practice room exit. Blinking a half dozen times to make sure he hadn’t imagined the whole thing, Jun stared at the door as it shut behind the silver mane and wondered whether there was a drummer playing loudly in the other room, or if his chest was racing that fast. It wasn’t like he should have anything to fear about Nagisa, really. The guy was almost insanely kind to him, far too much for what Jun felt like he deserved, in fact. His unit mate just wanted to meet his parents, that was all, nothing more, nothing less. He’d done it before, there wasn’t anything different besides the unit mate in question being Nagi-senpai.

So then why did it feel like his girlfriend had just asked to meet his parents? Crumbling into himself, the world suddenly felt cold. Jun reflexively pulled his hoodie tighter around himself, still sweating bullets for some reason. Sure, he didn’t know what having a girlfriend was like, but if it didn’t bring about this same level of insane nervousness, then he didn’t know what would.

“Goddamn…” Jun attempted to wipe free the cold sweat away from his forehead with his wrist, eyes blurry as he lost focus of the floorboards below. “Nagi-senpai…I’m gonna have to be the one training my parents this time, just so I can make sure they behave around you.”

🍜

Cold rain hit the hot pavement of the streets, causing steam to rise into a chilling fog. Summer was still alive, and that came with all its fair and foul weather. Thank goodness Hiyori wasn’t here to see Jun’s childhood home in this kind of state. Jun shuddered just thinking about that combination, still dreading the last call he had with his mom. A simple request that things look nice blew up into accusations of ungratefulness, something Jun was used to by now.

“…This looks like a nice building,” Nagisa remarked, lifting his head and the umbrella they shared slightly to get a better look at the apartment complex. “…Thank you again for taking me.”

“Ah…Aha, yeah, of course, Nagi-senpai,” Jun shrugged off as a few raindrops rolled onto his shoulder. “Anything for you.”

Just as well, he shouldn’t act ungrateful to the handsome senior that wanted to visit in spite of Jun’s attempts at warning him. Taking a deep breath, Jun clenched his hands held inside his pockets, sticking closer to the senior as they stepped towards the entrance. Once inside, the umbrella was lowered, and the dry air conditioning helped clear off any residual water. Jun shook his head fast, just to be sure, stopping to check and see if he hadn’t sprayed Nagisa any. Luckily, it seemed the senior had already progressed ahead, marching on towards the elevator.

“Uh, Nagi-senpai, where are you going?” Jun called after him, grabbing the senior’s sleeve a little too tightly. He eventually loosened his grasp, hoping he didn’t leave a bruise on the man’s clear, porcelain-like skin.

“…We’re headed to your apartment, right?” Nagisa returned innocently, stopping fully in his tracks.

“Yeah,” Jun nodded, “but the elevator is broken…Wait, where’s the sign?”

Nagisa turned his attention back to the elevator and pressed the up button. Motors sounded, and Jun could hardly believe his ears and eyes as the elevator descended and opened its doors. Nagisa walked forward, and Jun, stunned as he held onto the senior’s sleeve still, was pulled forward in with him.

“Unreal,” Jun gawked, looking up at the ceiling and nervously spreading himself a bit apart from Nagisa in order to make sure the weight inside was distributed properly. “This thing hasn’t been running in over ten years. I haven’t been in here since I was a little kid…” Looking closer at the interior of the elevator, a shiver ran down Jun’s spine. “No way, it’s a whole new elevator. A nice one at that. How the hell did they find this?”

“…When were you last here?” Nagisa inquired, raising a brow at the statement. He pointed to the control panel as well, and Jun nodded when Nagisa hovered his finger over the number seven.

“Between grades,” Jun answered, his free hand grasping a bar on the wall as the elevator ascended. “It was still busted back then too, not a sign at all that they were planning on repairing it. I don’t get it…”

Between the shifting of the elevator and Nagisa’s cherry red gaze capturing Jun’s attention, a realization dawned on him as he recalled a conversation he’d had with his father. The old man had been in a good mood, proud of his son’s success, basking in hearing his name heard everywhere and refusing to understand why Jun didn’t want his own accomplishments mixed with his father’s. Talking about this and that, money inevitably came to the table. Jun wanted to understand why his father chose now of all times to use his wealth, after so many years of pretending to live by their means. To Jun’s father, there was no pretend—they were living by their means intentionally. It was meant to prepare Jun for the world he’d grow up into, and it was up to him to determine what was important. The only exception, or rather, what was really supposed to matter, was idols.

A simple, seemingly innocuous discussion followed, asking why Jun hadn’t brought Hiyori over to their apartment yet. He admitted he’d be embarrassed to let his senior, who’d grown up in the lap of luxury, see the meager livings of his junior. He didn’t even think about it at the time, because his mother shrieked and slapped the back of his head for saying something so rude. He barely had time to register the look in his father’s eyes. Cold, calculating, the same kind he wore when he dictated that Jun would attend Reimei instead of Yumenosaki where Jin was.

That wasn’t what this was about, was it? It couldn’t have been—Jun didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to think about the excitement in his mom’s voice when he called her and said his unit’s leader wanted to come visit, or how quickly his dad took the phone away from her to confirm with his own ear. How long had they been planning for this? To what extent?

“…I’m glad the elevator is repaired,” Nagisa stated, gaze flickering between the elevator door and Jun’s unsteady form. “…Seven flights is a lot to climb, especially if you have groceries.”

“…Yeah,” Jun nodded shallowly, his throat uncomfortably dry. “Yeah, it was hard.”

The elevator climbed up, up and up until it was done. The doors opened, and the two exited out into the hallway. Jun nearly collapsed upon seeing the colors of the wall. Was this really necessary? The painters, or whoever was called in to take care of things here, couldn’t perfectly match that slightly yellowed shade of blue. Those blue walls that peeled and contained an odd, musky scent that wasn’t quite covered up, were now a dark shade of red. Why? Why go to these lengths? For what purpose? Their home wasn’t some fancy upscale apartment complex in a nice part of town. At the same time, it wasn’t like some cluttered and dilapidated place either. It was just ordinary and old. What was the point, especially when Jun suspected the rest of the floors didn’t look nearly as nice?

“This is it,” Jun stopped in front of the door he’d opened a thousand times before, somewhat relieved that it had remained untouched. He imagined the locks were the same too, but just to be safe, he decided it was better to knock instead.

They waited, and then they heard a woman’s voice—his mother.

“Just a minute!”

Even if it hadn’t been that long since he heard that voice, it had been at least a few months since he’d seen her. A wave of nostalgia washed over him, making him feel both relieved and tense all at the same time. Relieved because he knew what he was getting into, and tense for the exact same reason.

“Hey there, come on in!” Jun’s mom, a woman shorter than the two idols on the other side of the door, welcomed the two in with a smile that stretched across her cheeks. Crow's feet lined up next to golden eyes, and her sleek black hair was tied back into a bun. She looked the exact same as always, a white apron over her green sweater and dark blue pants. His mom dressed how any woman who took care of the home did, and Jun was grateful she didn’t attempt to “dress up” for the occasion of a visit.

“…It’s nice to meet you,” Nagisa nodded as he followed Jun inside the apartment. “…Thank you for having me in your home, Sazanami-san.”

“Oh, Sazanami-san is my husband,” his mother rolled her eyes with a half-chortle, “please, call me Hiyoko-san. Or Hiyoko-chan if you wanna get on my good side~”

“…Alright, Hiyoko-chan,” Nagisa innocently returned, his usual small smile not giving away the fact that he must have completely missed the tease. Or maybe he did and he decided to fall for it anyway. Jun didn’t know, he couldn’t read the senior worth a damn, and the way his mother glanced at him with a smile wider than the one she greeted them with told him she didn’t care which was which.

“I’d heard your unit leader carried a powerful presence,” she attempted to discreetly whisper to Jun as Nagisa hung his coat up near the door, “but I didn’t expect him to be as much a charmer as that partner of yours!”

“Oh…Yeah,” Jun shrugged, his own jacket falling off his shoulders and loosely caught by his wrists. “He’s out of this world.”

“Don’t let it drag,” his mother’s mood appeared to drop the instant she heard the cling of Jun’s zipper hit the hardwood floor. “Also, when you’re done with that and with him, come into the kitchen and set the table.”

“Okay,” Jun answered instantly, holding his breath until her silhouette disappeared into the kitchen. Once her back was out of sight, his chest deflated as he let out a deep exhale, closing his eyes for a second and reopening them to see Nagisa standing maybe ten centimeters apart from him. Jun, naturally, let out an airy yelp as he realized the air he was breathing smelled too good to be real. As he attempted to jump back, his head hit the wall behind him, gaining an extra twenty centimeters of distance minus a bump on his cranium that would surely grow worse tomorrow.

“Jun?!” His mother’s call of his name, accusatory and shrill, didn’t lose its ring at all.

“I-It’s nothing,” Jun returned with a slight stutter, “just tripped.”

“You tripped?” Jun’s mother repeated incredulously. “You haven’t been out of this apartment that long. Most of the changes aren’t even in the main entryway. Stop dawdling and at least guide our guest to the living space.”

Ah, so she was acknowledging there were changes. How reassuring of her to do so. If only Jun had been warned before he entered the building, he might’ve been able to cover for a few of them even. Whatever, he doubted the elevator was all that interesting to talk about.

“…Are you alright?” Nagisa asked, his voice so soft that Jun nearly missed it.

“Yeah,” Jun answered with a breathy huff as he hung his coat up next to Nagisa’s. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just kinda getting used to this place again, I’ll be good once I take a look around.”

“…Then shall we see the rest?” Nagisa offered, his ethereal presence so unfitting for the dark apartment Jun once knew.

“Yep, I’ll show you the place, Nagi-senpai,” Jun offered a grin and waved a hand out ahead of them. “It’s small, so you won’t have to travel too far~”

Stepping into the living room, Jun was faced with a conflict he wasn’t sure he could solve on his own. Had they renovated the space, or had it always looked this way and Jun couldn’t tell because of all the trash it was buried under? As far as Jun could recall, it had never looked so spotless. The couch definitely had to be new. The old one, black and stained thanks to the waste bags on top of it, had been swapped out for one with white upholstery. Completely spotless, Jun wondered just how long it had been since it was even purchased.

“This is pretty much it,” Jun shrugged, gesturing to the sofa. “Go ahead and take a seat, I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready. Doesn’t look like dad’s home yet, but it’ll probably be soon.”

“…Mm, thank you, Jun,” Nagisa accepted the offer as he sat down, hands placed on his lap and eyes fixed forward. Even in such an awkwardly stiff position in such a dimly lit room, Nagisa looked like a model on set. Never out of place, just too perfect to be here of all places in the world.

Heading into the kitchen divided by an arch in the wall, Jun noted the table they ate at was no longer pressed against the wall, but pulled just far enough away to fit two chairs on the side that had once been unused. Six seats in total—enough room for both Jun’s parents and all of Eden. Jun shut his eyes, only for them to flutter open as he felt something get shoved into his chest. Lifting his arms, Jun looked down to see the pitcher of water that had been pressed against him. Jun caught it in his arms, raising a brow at his mother who only gave him a half-lidded glare.

“Some changes,” Jun spoke past the silent command, following it anyway as he placed the pitcher on the table and went to retrieve the glasses and utensils. “Least everything in here is organized the same. When did you get the couch?”

“Two months ago,” his mother answered, taking a break from her cooking and leaning against the counter with a glass of wine in her hand. “It was about time.”

“That thing still looks brand new,” Jun tilted his head, placing the glasses one by one at each seat. His mother and father on one side, him and Nagisa on the other. Was it too much to seat himself next to Nagisa? No, no they’d done that before. It was fine. “I guess the elevator made it easier to take down the trash, so you just started doing it yourself, huh?”

“No, it’s your father who takes care of it,” his mother reminded between sips, “you didn’t forget that.”

“No, I didn’t,” Jun let out an incredulous wheeze, “you’re telling me the old man who couldn’t even be bothered to do one normal person job is finally doing the one chore he has to do around here?”

“Jun,” his mother hushed with a bite of her teeth, “stop talking about this, or at least lower your voice. We’ve got a guest here, in case you needed the reminder.”

“I don’t, actually,” Jun slapped the chopsticks and spoons down to the table a little too hard. “I’m the one who brought him here, in case you needed the reminder. I think I’m owed a little bit of an explanation as to the scale of this whole operation.”

“Operation?” Jun’s mother was now the one raising her brow. “This isn’t the military Jun, where did you pick up that sort of language?”

“From a really annoying person,” Jun sighed loudly, pulling free a chair from the table and collapsing into it. “Can you just answer the question, please? This whole visit has just been one confusing migraine, and he isn’t even here yet.”

“How do you think I feel living here for twenty years?” His mother snapped back, sauntering over towards the table and sitting at the opposite end across from her son. She leaned her cheek against her palm and took a long, drawn out sip of her wine, shoulders rising and falling with her breath. “This place was never good enough for your father to feel worth fixing up, and he kept on dreaming about buying some big fancy place he was never gonna get to. That’s where all his savings were supposed to go, just some bragging rights. He thought he was so smart, saving as much as he did, investing in the right stocks, none of that backfired on him. Just the one thing he actually cared about, the thing he didn’t pay the right amount of focus towards. His own career, down the drain along with his dreams of vanity.”

Jun was stunned silent, never having heard his mother speak so candidly before about his father’s downfall. Then again, for how abrasive her voice could be, she was always quiet about that topic in particular, even when his father wasn’t around. Whether or not it was due to Jun’s current success, or just enough time and change for her to find her voice on the matter, he supposed it didn’t matter. He was grateful enough for the closure in hearing her stance.

“I guess I should apologize for chiding you about calling this place embarrassing,” Jun’s mother added, a statement that made Jun’s eyes bulge out of their sockets. When was the last time he heard her apologize for anything? “I only glanced at this place after you said that, and I realized you were right. There was a reason I didn’t invite my friends over here, but I’d been ignoring the cause for so long because your damn father had been doing the same. That night, we took out the trash together, and he hasn’t been late on it since.”

Jun adjusted in his seat but remained quiet, not wanting to interrupt her for once. Part of it was because he’d never felt so vindicated in his life, and a rush was tingling down his spine. The other half was because he was certain if he said anything, even if it was something positive, his mother would see it as a snide remark and chide him for it, ending the conversation. Better to let her talk than say a word, the old adage he’d kept to heart for most of his life.

“The elevator was the last thing that got fixed,” His mother continued. “Your father doesn’t even use it for the trash. He’s as obsessed as ever with his exercise, so he uses the stairs in place of his old idol training. As for the hallway, they wouldn’t let him pay for just this floor, so the whole building got some shiny new paint thanks to him. I told him it was unnecessary, it wasn’t even that bad, but he didn’t listen, he’s too focused on investing in this place now. And just like I warned him, the rent’s gone up as a result~ well, for the neighbors at least. He managed to use the renovations as bribery to actually lower our monthly pay, so that’s helped us out even more. He’s even got plans to buy a house in the future…If he can stop focusing on what you’re doing for at least a year or two.”

“Which is never gonna happen,” Jun chimed in, feeling it decently appropriate to do so.

“You got that right,” a wry grin formed upon his mother’s cheeks, and the two shared a laugh like old times about the trainwreck that was the old Sazanami-san.

Just then, the sound of the door opening prompted both of them to straighten their backs in their seats. His mother’s glass was completely empty, a fact which apparently surprised even her as her gaze lingered a little too long on it. The sound of feet shuffling near the entrance was enough to cause both mother and son to jump out of their seats, his mom rushing to the stovetop while Jun spun around and jumped back into the living room. Cherry red eyes locked with Jun’s own, only for a silhouette from the other side of the room to fill their shadows as Nagisa’s head turned towards it. Before following suit, Jun took a deep breath and unclenched his hands, letting his fingers fall flat. He was home, and so was Jun.

“Ah, Nagi-senpai, this is my dad. Papa…This is my unit’s leader, Nagisa Ran.” 

🌧

Rain that had been a heavy drizzle before was downright torrential now, public transportation coming to a grinding halt out of a necessity for safety. That only left them with one option—stay the night in Jun’s old bedroom. He could have made a joke about how he was glad they’d left it unchanged, could have even said he wouldn’t have even minded if they used it as a gym now, but frankly, he didn’t want to give his father any more ideas. His father…He felt like he hardly knew the guy anymore. In truth, he’d seen some of the man he was today in the past. The early past, when his father’s career wasn’t an entirely helpless prospect. It should have relieved Jun to see his father take joy in living again. It should have been promising to see him actually give a shit about the place he called home. It should have…It really should have made him happy to see that man.

Sitting on his bed, a full-size mattress that was lumpy and uneven, Jun’s attention fixed itself entirely on the mobile game his thumbs were currently tapping. A dull, repetitive motion that created numbers whose sole purpose was to excite the mind when they were larger than the opponents. This time, Jun wasn’t so lucky. Staring at the defeat screen, any disappointment he may have experienced dissipated the moment he heard the door sliding open. Turning his head, he was greeted with the sight of Nagisa, freshly bathed and dressed in pajamas from Jun’s own closet. A pair of sweats and a worn out shirt that was a little short on Nagisa, so much so that any lift of his arms brought with it a sneak peek at his midriff. His abs—they weren’t bulging like Jun’s own, but rather chiseled. Handsome, just like the rest of him, though even using that word felt like it wasn’t conveying just how good looking Nagisa appeared at all times. Even in someone else’s ratty worn clothes, he looked perfect. 

Long silver locks, naturally wavy and soft, hung loose over Nagisa’s shoulders, a stark contrast compared to the kept-together slicked-back ponytail he normally wore. Stepping into the room, Nagisa scanned the area studiously. His eyes fell to the futon laid out on the floor, Jun’s childhood bed. Their only spare, now serving as a guest bed for someone far too good for it. Reaching down, Nagisa picked up the pillow that had been placed down and fluffed it in his arms. Jun pulled his gaze away, almost certain he’d been staring for way, way too long. His thumb hovered over a unit in his game, unsure if he should use it or not. Just then, a shove to his shoulder caused him to press it anyway, starting combat and taking away his precious stamina. Bewildered, he turned his head towards the force, only to see Nagisa’s face settling close next to his.

“…Jun, could you push in a little more?” Nagisa asked sincerely, his every motion indicating that he meant what he said.

What could Jun do or say that wasn’t compliant to his senior? Would it even matter if he protested? Why bother even thinking about it? Jun knew he couldn’t deny the man of anything at the end of the day. Closing his eyes, he shoved his body closer to the wall and held his breath subconsciously as the freshly washed Nagisa joined him in his bed. No, really, why did he have to both look and smell like heaven, and what the hell was someone like that doing in his childhood bed?

“…Thank you,” Nagisa offered, laying down on his back and clasping his hands over his chest. Long hair splayed out underneath him, he almost looked like a princess from a fairytale. Yet his face was far too masculine for that—rather, if the lighting was different, maybe Jun would mistake him for a woman, but knowing him too well, Jun’s focus was always drawn towards Nagisa’s more masculine features.

“No problem, Nagi-senpai,” Jun whispered back, excusing his attention back to the game in his hand. Somehow, he’d won. Leave it to a serendipitous lucky touch from his senior to bring him the success he needed.

“…Jun?” Nagisa spoke up, nearly startling Jun half to death. When he got over the jolt of hearing his name spoken in such a gorgeous deep voice, he snapped out of his deliriousness and questioned why it resulted in that reaction at all. He’d heard his name called by the other a thousand times, yet it never got old.

“You’re still awake, Nagi-senpai?” Jun asked, feeling stupid immediately afterwards. Of course not, it had only been a dozen seconds or so since he settled into bed. “Ah, my game, I can stop playing if it’s bothering you.”

“…You can keep playing,” Nagisa reassured. “…Actually, I was hoping we could talk.”

“Oh,” Jun felt a lump form in his chest, and he felt like he knew where this was going. Right, they’d hardly talked since they got here. In fact, he hadn’t really heard Nagisa talk much at all that evening. He was pretty quiet normally, but in comparison to normal, at times it almost felt like he wasn’t even there. “Yeah, I’d like to as well. What exactly did you wanna talk about first?”

“…What was your home like before?” Nagisa asked, innocent and genuine. Jun clenched the comforter on his lap before selecting the next campaign on his mobile game, busying his hands so he couldn’t focus on what he was saying.

“A mess,” Jun answered. “Right when I was around six or seven, my mom told my dad she was sick of being the only one doing anything around here. She told him from now on, if the trash needed to get taken out, it was his job. He tried calling her bluff, letting the trash pile up over and over again. It was only when the place got too full that he finally took some bags downstairs, but his excuse was always that he worked hard anyway, why should he have to do anything?…I guess he finally changed his mind on that, or he’s not working as hard and needs to make it up elsewhere. I don’t really know. I thought I’d figure it out when I saw him tonight, but I couldn’t.”

“…So that’s how it is,” Nagisa remarked, his eyes on Jun’s back a sharp pant that Jun could feel even without seeing them. “…What about you?”

“What about me?” Jun asked back cautiously, slow in the delivery of the words.

“…What did your mother expect of you?” Nagisa clarified.

“What did she—“ Jun froze as he repeated the question, his throat suddenly feeling clogged. “To do as my father said, of course. I never…I never got told to do anything by her. She even yelled at me if I tried to do anything about the trash, because she was so insistent on my father doing it. My life was dictated by my father and his ambitions. The way we could be saved, the way his name could be cleared, was if I became successful.”

“…Am I hitting too many sensitive areas?” Nagisa inquired genuinely, his hand suddenly placed against Jun’s back. Naturally, the junior jumped. Nagisa’s hand fell, Jun instantly missing the touch even if it startled him. “…I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine,” Jun shook his head. “I don’t…I talk about my life a lot because I don’t feel like I have anything to hide. I guess I didn’t realize I had any sore spots because of that. Still, it’s not terrible to talk about. It’s fine.”

“…Then, can I know something else?” Nagisa pushed, sitting up. Jun turned his head and was faced with a concerned brow on his senior’s expression, matched with a stern lower lip.

“Go ahead,” Jun nodded, closing his phone.

“…How did you still want to become an idol?”

Ah, that was the number one question, wasn’t it? As Jun thought of his answer, a smile curled onto his face subconsciously. The bittersweet memories resurfaced, stinging and stirring his heart in equal measure.

“I had someone to look up to,” Jun explained. “The same person my dad cursed for making his life so miserable. The same guy my dad wanted me to fulfill his revenge against, he was my inspiration. Ironic, considering the state he’s in now is about as bad as my dad’s. At least that guy can revive his career whenever he wants…I’d rather not end up like either of them~ I wanna be an idol until I can’t move anymore. For a long time, that spite against my dad, and then that idol, was what drove me so much. Nowadays though, it’s different. I wanna be an idol because I wanna be known for who I am.”

“…You’re talking about Jin Sagami, yes?” Nagisa clarified, the corners of his lips upturned.

“Yep!” Jun lifted his hands and rested his chin in their palms, fingers curled up around his jaw. Elbows on his knees, the position was similar to one he made when looking at his idol on TV. “When my parents weren’t home, I’d take advantage of the time to go out into the living room and sit at the table to watch idol programs for hours. Heh, looking back on it, it was such a weird use of my time. My papa didn’t want me wasting time on anything frivolous, and anything that wasn’t school or idols counted exactly as that. I could’ve slacked off and watched some anime. Or when I left the house to go to cafés, I could’ve played video games instead of reading manga, a lot of which were about idols. I could’ve lived a normal life, if I wanted, but I never did. No matter how terrible the idol industry’s effect on my life, I still wanted to be part of that world. Kinda makes me sound like a masochist when I word it like that~”

“…I don’t think it does,” Nagisa reassured, his hand raising slowly. Jun watched it, observing how Nagisa placed it gently on the junior’s shoulder. This time, he didn’t jump. “…I think it’s proof of your love and dedication. No matter the strife you went through, your destiny called to you fervently. You were born to be an idol, Jun.”

All his life, Jun wanted to believe something like that. He wanted to feel like he was supposed to be an idol. He wanted to believe all he’d been through was worth it if it made him be the idol of his dreams. He still wasn’t there. He didn’t believe he was really there yet, even after reaching the biggest stage an idol could stand on. He didn’t see himself as deserving the success that he’d achieved there, because he had consumed the kindness and generosity of others. It was their work, pushed onto him, who fought to be worthy of just that work alone, that got him where he was. Fighting against who he was, fighting against who he was afraid of becoming, fighting to find worth in being himself. Yet here God was, telling him he had it in him all along.

Nagisa wasn’t really God, but the way he spoke so assuredly as though it were a universal truth, it really did invoke the certainty of the divine. Heart racing and growing light headed, Jun finally realized he had been holding his breath and let it go in a hiccup. Water formed in the corners of his eyes—oh God, not now. Not in front of Nagisa.

“…Jun?” Nagisa’s sweet voice, so considerate and warm, quiet but deep, only served to tighten the ache around his heart. “…Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jun quickly responded, trying to repress the sobs threatening to escape him as he rubbed his arm over his eyes. “I’m okay. In just—I never really thought of myself like that before. Ah, it kinda ruins what you said to admit that, huh? What kinda idol doesn’t believe in themselves?”

“…Fufu~” Nagisa’s soft little laugh, delicate and adorable, continued to squeeze Jun’s heart agonizingly hard. “…I think Jun believes in himself plenty, otherwise, he wouldn’t have chased after his dream so earnestly. Rather, you’ve doubted if the desire you hold is your own, is that it?”

“Nagi-senpai…Yeah, yeah that’s right.” Jun felt like his mind had just been read. “It feels like a moot point to ask, but how did you know?”

Nagisa’s smile only grew, and just then, the sound of rain outside halted. His window’s blinds had been partially parted, letting in the light of the moon as it shone down on the world. Nagisa’s angelically handsome face was fully illuminated, the pale light bringing out the red in his eyes and making them sparkle like rubies. Once again, Jun’s breath was caught in his throat. How could someone so perfect looking not only be real, but sitting next to him in his bed?

“…I’ve felt the same way,” Nagisa answered.

“You have?” Jun raised his voice, catching himself after and curling forward as he winced. “Um, sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude when I say that. I’m just surprised, because I can’t imagine Nagi-senpai not wanting to be an idol…That sounds impossible.”

“…It was a very difficult time in my life,” Nagisa responded, his attention falling down towards his own lap as he mimicked Jun’s hands in clenching the comforter below. “…I separated myself from all that I knew in search of the answer, and grew lost. Mm…I’d actually like to talk about it later, if that’s okay. It’s growing late, and I’d like to go somewhere with you.”

“You do?” The heaviness Jun had been feeling suddenly melted away, his body light as a feather out of curiosity towards the prospect. “Sure, wherever you wanna go, Nagi-senpai, but can I ask where?”

“…Mm,” Nagisa nodded. “…I’m happy I got to meet your father and mother today. At times tonight, I felt a little jealous that you could talk so freely with them.”

“Oh,” Jun’s shoulders instinctively shrugged up as he absorbed the non-answer. “I guess I’m lucky enough to still have a relationship with them…Though, saying I talk freely with them is kinda strange, cuz most of my life I stayed quiet around them out of fear for being told I was talking back. Did I really seem all that talkative?”

“…Moreso with your mother~” Nagisa clarified. “…You know, she reminds me of someone.”

“Oh,” Jun tensed and held the comforter so tight his hands began to cramp. Don’t think it. Don’t say it. “W-Who?”

“…You~”

“Me?!”

“…She has your attitude and speech,” Nagisa elaborated. “…You seem surprised that you resemble your parents.”

“A-Ah, well,” Jun pushed his own thoughts down his head, his face burning hot, “I wasn’t expecting that answer, I guess. I get compared to my dad and get told I resemble him more, so I’m a little surprised to hear that.”

“…Really? I thought you looked like both of them. How interesting.” Nagisa laid down on his pillow, hands clasped over his stomach and his eyes still on Jun. “…I like to believe my behavior at least resembles my father. I think he was an admirable man.”

“Ah…” Jun swallowed back any mention that Hiyori would hate to hear a comment like that coming from Nagisa of all people. “I’m sure he’d be proud of you all the same, Nagi-senpai.”

“…I’d like to believe so,” Nagisa let his eyes shut finally, face fixing towards the ceiling above. “…I’m excited to introduce you to him tomorrow~”

“…What did you just say, Nagi-senpai?”

🌕

Moonlight’s glow illuminated the whole of Jun’s room, the shades from his window having been drawn thanks to his own hand batting them in his sleep. He didn’t sleep this close to his window normally, and not even the confinement of a top bunk helped train out the restlessness in his body. A sore backhand was enough to beckon weary eyes to open, awakening to find an angel lying next to him. An angel? A god? Or a human being, just like him? That person was hard to define. There were times where his delicate smile felt both so overwhelmingly normal and yet too perfectly sincere to be real. Yet all the same, thinking about him like that felt wrong. It felt wrong to not see the humanity in that beautiful porcelain face.

Thankfully, the pain in Jun’s hand wasn’t from striking the one next to him, but from the window pane that let moonlight into his room. Right down onto the beautiful man who shared his bed, the one who laid down there because he seemingly wanted to. That person really chose to be here with Jun, of all places and of all people. Was it wrong to question that? Was it right to feel insecure? Was this all fine, and Jun was the strange one all along for questioning it?

He was resting partially on Nagisa’s hair. Silky silver locks, slightly curled thanks to the braids they were often tied into, brushed against Jun’s cheek. A distinct reminder of how close they were right now, along with the heat of the man’s breath against his lips. Raising the hand that laid between them, Jun let his fingertips fall onto the locks that naturally fell over his shoulder. They were as soft as they looked, but not fragile. They didn’t break off the moment Jun touched them; he wasn’t even sure why he assumed that. Then again, was he ever sure about how he felt about Nagisa? Hiyori’s childhood friend, Ibara’s partner, Jun’s senpai, those were the roles ascribed to the man. Yet somehow, for how obvious the first two were, Jun couldn’t see his own role as being important enough to warrant their closeness right now.

A junior and senior in the same unit, brought together by their love of the dream that was idols. Raised by fathers obsessed with creating the perfect successor, a common story really when all things were considered. Showing the stronger of the two where his story started, he figured that was enough to dispel the illusion that the two had anything in common. He couldn’t understand. He really couldn’t understand why he was able to bask in the light that bounced off of Nagisa’s pale skin, shining like a star in his room.

Nagisa moved in his sleep too. Not as much as Jun, but enough that his hands on his chest fell to his sides. Or perhaps it was all thanks to Jun disturbing the man in his rest that the arm closest to Jun slipped down to the area between them. Jun’s gaze fell, unable to really see what he felt, but he definitely knew it was there. The breathing on Jun’s face was getting hotter. Hot enough to bring about drowsiness once more. Inhaling it deeply, the fingers that curled around Nagisa’s hair fell, further and further down until they pressed against the ridiculously soft skin on Nagisa’s palm. The guy was an archeologist, right? How the hell did the tips of his fingers remain callous free? Pressing his own against them, it felt like insanity that they were made of the same materials. They were, though. It was wrong to think that. No matter how extraordinary Nagisa was, no matter how strikingly beautiful and ethereal he was, he existed, just like Jun.

Their fingers linked, palms pressed flushed together. Jun thought back to the thing Nagisa said right before he fell asleep. What the hell did he mean? Where were they going tomorrow? It terrified him, running his head through all the different scenarios that grew more and more ridiculous with the time spent thinking about them. Eyes shutting, the breath against his own was seriously driving him insane. Jun could taste him—Jun knew what Nagisa tasted like. Would it be any different if their lips were slightly closer?

Boldness whose origin was the fault of a bright moon painting the world in its light, Jun was entranced even though his eyes were shut. He was drawn to the warmth of a man whose hand was as cold as ice. Yet for how much he’d wanted, for how much he’d dreamed about it, nothing his mind came up with could have ever prepared him for what it was really like. Pillowy soft, slightly wet, and a tingly heat. Whether or not he deserved to know what it was like was a thought that flew out of his head entirely. He took what he desired from the one who made his heart ache with want.

🌤

Morning came, and so did breakfast. Jun’s father had already left, though not without leaving a “gift” on the table for them. Rather, it was something for Ibara to handle—continued support for raising his child as a proper idol. Breath caught in his lungs, Jun nearly crumpled the envelope entirely. Goddamn. Didn’t he have to do anything with his own success?

He pocketed it before he got that far, and after Nagisa shared one last conversation with Jun’s mother, the two were off. On towards their next destination, Nagisa would be the one leading the way. Jun prepared himself mentally for how long that would take. Even if Nagisa knew where he was going, he was the type to stop and admire the scenery, always the observant type. It wasn’t like they had plans later or anything, Jun only had to fight the battle against his mounting anxiety at the ominous nature of their quest today. Whatever. Jun trusted Nagisa. Wherever they were going, he’d follow his senpai, and that was that.

The rain brought with it a fresh cool wind, one that made the jackets they brought with them well worth it. Summer was almost over, after all. Summer into Autumn, a new year to come soon, spent next to Nagisa on the stage they shared. With every day that passed, the initial intimidation from that fell, all until he was where he stood now. He was excited for the future. He was excited to share his idol career with the beautifully brilliant Nagisa.

Public transportation carried them to their destination, headed towards a park in an upscale secluded neighborhood. Nagisa’s path led them to a sidewalk, a park in view at the end of the road. As Jun contemplated what the destination had to do with what Nagisa said, he glanced down to check his shoelaces, and noticed how his hand was currently clasped around Nagisa’s own slender fingers. They’d been doing so since they entered the city, and Jun just assumed it was entirely due to Nagisa not wanting them to get separated. That was fine, even Jun had done that with Nagisa in the past. It wasn’t like holding hands was an entirely strange concept to him, they even did it during Eden’s practice as well. So why only now did it feel so different?

“Um, Nagi-senpai,” Jun addressed, his voice nearly drowned out by the whispers of the wind, “why’re we still holding hands?”

“…Do we need to let go?” Nagisa returned. The two were walking side by side, and as Jun turned his head up to look at his companion, Nagisa lowered his chin to do the same.

“No, we don’t,” Jun admitted, “I was just kinda curious though, I guess. Sorry, I…I don’t even know why I asked, really.”

Jun fixed his attention forward, feeling like an idiot for even speaking up. His hand was squeezed tighter, and at the same time, so too did Jun’s heart squeeze painfully sharp. His palm was disgustingly sweaty, but Nagisa’s still felt cool and dry.

“…Waking up with Jun’s hand held in my own was nice,” Nagisa stated, causing Jun’s stomach to drop. If only holding Nagisa’s hand last night was his worst crime. It didn’t even scratch the surface. “…Jun? Your face is twisted into an odd shape. Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Jun scratched the back of his head and memorized the patterns of the cracks in the sidewalk. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I just didn’t want to make you feel obligated to do anything you didn’t wanna do.”

“…Is that how Jun feels?” Nagisa asked. To him, it might have been a good question, but to Jun, it wasn’t the case at all. He quickly shook his head, but Nagisa’s gaze was still upon him. Crap. How did he say it was his fault they were holding hands in the first place without admitting that?

“Not at all,” Jun blurted, words spilling out of his mouth without consideration. “I actually really like holding Nagi-senpai’s hand.”

Nagisa’s airy giggled carried on the wind like music, causing Jun to be both relieved and bewildered all at once. They were quickly approaching the park, but the majestic greenery on the other side had nothing on Nagisa’s pretty smile.

“…Jun has strange bedtime habits, doesn’t he?” Nagisa…Teased? It wasn’t like Nagisa hadn’t teased Jun before, but the occasions were few and far in-between. What was more, it wasn’t as though his teases were ever very obvious. Someone as aloof as that really had the upper hand when it came to getting away with sass.

“Yeah,” Jun admitted anyway, “I do tend to move a lot in my sleep. I even hit my window last night, though thankfully not too hard.”

“…Is that so?” Nagisa remarked. “…I’m glad to hear that. It was a loud noise.”

All remaining thoughts in Jun’s head vanished as they were filled with the faint memory from last night. So distant like a dream, and yet it definitely happened. Jun was the cause of all of it. It was Jun—he violated what trust the two had just to take from Nagisa what he wanted. How much did the senior remember? Why was the man smiling like that? Why the hell was someone as curious as that not asking about it more?!

Jun wondered if he really was that easy to read, or if Nagisa was simply more aware than presumed. Maybe he knew Jun was made so unnerved by being kept in the dark like this. Maybe it didn’t matter to him, because they were near their objective. No need to bring it up now, because they were nearly about to meet the person Nagisa wanted to introduce Jun to.

Through the gates of the park and following the walking trail, Jun suddenly found it difficult to breathe. Was this because he was about to encounter something beyond the normal grasp of human reality? Or was it just his mind playing tricks on him? Closing his eyes, he relied on Nagisa’s strength to keep them going until finally, their footsteps stopped. He opened them, and when he did, he was greeted with the sight of a large pedestal with a bronze, life size statue on top. Oh…Was that what Nagisa meant?

“…Jun, this is the one known as the Godfather of the entertainment industry,” Nagisa introduced, letting go of Jun’s hand and approaching the pedestal slowly. The statue was posed with a hand extended down and held out—perfect for someone to grab onto. Nagisa did just that, taking the metallic hand of the one who kept him in the dark for so many years of his young life. There was a sparkle in his cherry red eyes, a fondness for the figure represented. Jun could only imagine Hiyori’s face if he were here right now. “…He was my father, and I am his son.”

Jun lifted his chin and let his eyes meet the ones etched onto the statue. It was a little difficult to make out the features on the figure’s face, actually. Shade from the tree, along with the dark, almost black color, and some scratches that were made due to weather or vandals obscured most of the details. In any case, it wasn’t like the two were actually related, so it wasn’t like there should have been a resemblance Jun needed to look for, right? Or rather, when it came to needing to find one, Nagisa had found it already.

“No one else but you could be, Nagi-senpai,” Jun remarked, throwing his hands into his pockets. Watching as Nagisa’s palm slipped from the statue’s, it evoked the same feeling as a child pulling away from their parent’s grasp. They really did have that sort of bond, didn’t they?

“…This was the first place where my father performed,” Nagisa explained, turning around and sitting on the pedestal. The wind blew through them, and all Nagisa did to react was to push a stray lock that had flown free behind his hair as he continued. “…When I was small, I came here with Hiyori-kun, because I wanted to see his face again. When we got here, I couldn’t reach his hand unless I got on the pedestal. Back then, there was a gate around it, preventing me from climbing over. Hiyori-kun refused to help, saying his hand wasn’t even real. I wouldn’t feel the warm love of a parent from it.”

Nagisa stared at the hand that had just held the statue’s, and then he turned his attention to Jun. Just being under that intense gaze was enough to send chills down the junior’s spine, but here in front of the image of the man’s father, he felt the pressure rising even more.

“…I managed to cross the barrier anyway, climbed up to reach my father,” Nagisa continued, eyes shutting. “…When I did, I finally understood what Hiyori meant. I understood why he said I was ‘alive’ and father was not. I had a pulse, and father did not. That statue lives on in father’s image, however, it is not father. It represents his accomplishments, but did not cause them to happen. It is a poor substitute for who he was. It is not my father.”

A strange feeling settled itself inside Jun’s heart, and he wondered about the man’s choice of words. His throat was dry, unable to question what was said, and yet there were a few things on his mind. Rather than speak up, he stayed quiet, just like how he was at home. Unlike home though, it wasn’t because he was afraid. He wanted to hear the normally quiet and slow to speak senior talk, and so he would listen.

“…I wondered why father encouraged me to become an idol,” Nagisa raised his eyes to the sky, the wind growing fervent as white clouds above rolled overhead. “…If being an idol is to become the pinnacle of humanity, then that requires being human. Being human is to be alive—and being alive is to experience suffering. When I lived in my father’s home, I experienced neither joy nor sorrow. I was in perfect bliss, removed from the world, knowing only the things father deemed worth teaching me. Then, one day, he introduced me to someone. That person, he took my hand, and showed me the stars for the first time. He told me of humans, like himself and like father, who sparkled as brilliantly as those lights in the sky. He sang and danced…He showed me a dream to aspire for.”

Nagisa reached out towards the sky, the stars not there. No wait—they were, they were always in the sky. They just couldn’t be seen now, but the way Nagisa’s eyes shimmered, it was like he could really see them.

“…In order to become an idol, I had to become human,” Nagisa went on. “…I had to experience the things that I’d been protected from. Pain and sorrow from my father's death. Joy and splendor from a childhood spent with someone my age. Most importantly of all, the desire to escape from all of it. To regain that lost innocence, and the hope that the dream father gave me would help me be accepted into paradise again. That became my true dream…I did not want to become an idol. I wanted to go back to not being human at all. That’s what I thought an idol was.”

Jun’s whole body was numb. Whether it was the chill of the wind genuinely freezing his body, or Nagisa’s words having that strong of an affect on him, the result was the same. Jun couldn’t move or speak if he even wanted to. Watching the person he admired so much admit those feelings, a pure being freely confessing to the sins of his soul, it left Jun’s throat dry. He wished he had the strength to walk closer and hold his hand.

“…I realized after a while that it is common among idols to want to be one for different reasons,” Nagisa elaborated, hands falling to his lap while his eyes remained fixed on the sky. “…To be closer to a loved one, to have control over others, to gain the approval of someone who isn’t there to watch. Yet time and time again, when an idol steps on that stage, their aim changes. It isn’t about those personal desires, but instead about their audience. To share your love, and have it be received in full. It is a pure existence, in that moment. It is the pinnacle of humanity, to live only to give, and to be fueled by the cheers of the crowd. Yet even that stage can fall to corruption.”

Nagisa closed his eyes, and though his features didn’t move much, Jun could see how his eyebrows lowered.

“…Why be an idol if it involves as much conflict as any other living being?” Nagisa stated, his voice quivering slightly at the end. “…That was what I asked myself when Hiyori-kun and I parted ways in our second year. I hadn’t just lost hope in humanity, but in idols and in father. I left Japan, seeking the answer to my true dream, only to eventually accept that it had been impossible from the Genesis of my creation. There is no going back. There is only going forward. Without the ability to dream, with Heaven’s gates shut before me, I thought about him—Akehoshi. I looked at the stars as they speckled the desert sky, innumerable and breathtaking. I longed for it to swallow me whole and give meaning to my existence. At that moment, a song he sang came to mind, as though gifted to me from the Heavens above. And so, I sang and danced as he did. Without a human soul sight, my audience was those very stars that beckoned me to sing their song.”

Nagisa stood up from where he was, his movement swift as he approached Jun. Stopping about a meter apart, he met the boy’s gaze and took a few slow paces toward him as he spoke.

“…The stars cast their judgement, and I came home to Japan,” Nagisa spoke, the wind carrying over every word directly to Jun’s ear as it blew against Nagisa’s back. “…I tried again. I tried to find my reason to be an idol, and I found it here, in Eden. I found my purpose as a leader, and in sharing what I learned with others. I realized I wanted humanity to grow. I wanted to be an idol to encourage that, to end the cycles of violence we inflict upon ourselves. I wanted to lead by example, to show how we can change. I want to be an idol that exists because being an idol is meaningful in itself. Doesn’t Jun feel the same?”

Nagisa was now only centimeters apart from the junior, leaving the shorter of the two no choice but to look up to his senior. His calm and serene expression was broken by a warm smile too beautiful for Jun to be the receiver, but it was okay. Nagisa was right—they were exactly the same. No matter how different the circumstances, no matter how ordinary Jun’s life was compared to the man before him, their hearts were still made of the same materials and beat at the same rhythm.

“Yeah,” Jun answered, taking a step forward as well. “I feel the same way as Nagi-senpai.”

“…Then, in that case, can I ask you something, Jun?”

“What is it, Nagi-senpai?”

“…Can I touch your hair too?”

“A-Ah…Yeah, of course, Nagi-senpai. Go ahead.”

The coldness of the world around him evaporated the minute Nagisa spoke the request, Jun’s cheeks turning a dark color. Watching as Nagisa’s perfectly manicured hand rose, he shuddered as a cool palm landed on the top of his head and began to stroke it gently. He was being pet, just like a small animal. To be treated like one was what he deserved, frankly, going and touching another person when they couldn’t even consent. Violating Nagisa in his sleep, even if the touches were as chaste as possible, all because the man chose to lie down next to him. What sort of junior did that to his beloved senpai? Jun lowered his gaze away in shame, only to find it directed back towards those piercing red eyes that scanned the windows of Jun's soul. Nagisa’s hand was grasped around the back of Jun’s scalp, all the while his other arm wrapped half-way around the junior’s waist. Before he could figure out what was happening, Jun was once again given a reminder of what Nagisa tasted like.

“…I’m so happy you feel the same.”

The words were whispered against Jun’s lips before the man’s own crashed down upon them. Mouths parted open and tongues meeting, Jun’s hands quickly took hold of Nagisa’s collar on his jacket and pulled the senior further into him. The wind spun around them, a vortex further entangling the two in their embrace. Just a day ago, Jun wondered what he could be doing differently to make sure his senior didn’t grow to resent his existence again. Yet even if such a possibility could happen still, Jun wouldn’t let it. He wouldn’t let this go, not for the world.

Mouths parted and then clashed again. Knees bumped against each other and eyes opened to ensure this wasn’t a dream. Eyes staring back confirmed it, and it was only when breath was absolutely needed that the two finally let their bruised lips part, the secluded park the only witness in the world to their desperation. They settled on a quieter form of intimacy, foreheads slowly clashing together and gazes unafraid to meet again and again. Jun slipped his arms around Nagisa’s shoulders, all the while Nagisa dropped both arms to fit around Jun’s waist. They had encircled each other entirely, two rings that linked together.

“…If only I could share with Jun that bliss,” Nagisa lamented quietly. “…No matter. I will just have to guide you towards it. We will go to Heaven together. Once our path as idols is finished, we will ascend as one.”

“That’s gonna be a long time from now,” Jun reminded casually, a finger casually curling itself around one of Nagisa’s locks from his ponytail. “I’ll look forward to it though, Nagi-senpai. Until then, I’m more eager to be an idol with you.”

“…Fufu~ as am I,” Nagisa giggled gently, and for once, he felt more human than god as he did so. Maybe it was just because Jun was holding him, feeling for a fact that this person was real. There was a cut on his lip, not too deep to draw blood, but still a reminder that he’d have to be careful around Jun’s fangs. For some reason, Jun couldn’t help but find that exciting. “…Hey, Jun, do you want to go out to eat?”

“Lunch? Sure…Ah,” Jun dropped one arm to feel his pockets, grimacing as he did so. “Goddamn, I forgot. I didn’t actually have that much cash. I don’t wanna make you pay any, so maybe we can just head back to the dorms and I can cook us something.”

“…That’s an option, but I know there’s a good steakhouse near here,” Nagisa mentioned.

“Ah~ that’s definitely too expensive for what I have on me,” Jun couldn’t help but chuckle, Nagisa’s expression closer to that of a pouting child than that of his handsome senior.

“…What about the money your father gave you?” Nagisa asked, the boldness of the question outweighed by how innocently he asked it.

“It’s not for me,” Jun sighed, “it’s to give to Ibara and CosPro. It’s pretty much bribe money to keep me an idol.”

“…Jun should be the person who determines his worth as an idol, not money,” Nagisa argued. “…Jun already feels that way, doesn’t he?”

Jun blinked, and like a fog had been lifted, he suddenly felt the weight in his pocket grow lighter.

“Yeah…Yeah, you’re right, Nagi-senpai,” Jun conceded in confidence. “I don’t need to rely on someone else for my support. I’ve got all the support I need, right here with you, and with Ohii-san and Ibara as idols.”

“…Shall we go and get lunch, then?” Nagisa grinned, an impish glint in his shiny teeth that Jun mirrored with his own.

“Hell yeah, let’s get some beef!” Jun called out, not caring how cheesy he sounded. Preparing to let go and run side by side, Jun screeched as he was instead lifted into Nagisa’s arms. “N-Nagi-senpai?!”

“…Is this too much?” Nagisa asked, his arms curled perfectly around Jun’s knees and shoulders. “…I wanted to see if I could lift Jun and run with him in my arms. I think I can do it~”

“Y-Yeah,” Jun clung to Nagisa’s shoulders tighter than ever, “but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, it’s gonna be a strain on you, yeah? You’ll bulk up some more, and Ibara will get upset, probably…” Then again, Jun couldn’t help but shiver at the idea of the statuesque Nagisa growing absolutely ripped. On top of that, even if it was scary to be lifted at first, this entire situation was refreshingly youthful for the senior who wasn’t even that much older than him.

“…You’re probably right,” Nagisa lamented, gently lowering Jun to the ground. Taking his hand, there was still hope in those red amber eyes. “…Perhaps then, I can hold you properly once we’re home.”

Squeezing Jun’s hand, Jun squeezed Nagisa’s back. The clouds above parted, revealing patches of blue in the sky. A fluffy quilt blanketing the world, keeping in the warmth that was held between them. Jun’s mouth watered, craving something more than what could be provided by satiating the body’s needs. He wanted more—he wanted to be selfish and feel the way he did now for the rest of his life.

“I’d like that, Nagi-senpai,” Jun returned, the corners of his lips turning up at the sight of the cut on Nagisa’s lower lip. “I can’t wait to go back home.”