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Christmas is stupid. Katsuki shivers and buries his face deeper in the collar of his thick hoodie. God, he loathes winter and its coldness.
He sneers at a happy couple that bumps into him. The girl falsely apologizes as she continues talking with her boyfriend about the presents they are carrying around. He sniffs and keeps walking, careful not to slip on the icy streets. It’s just the beginning of December and the whole city is filled with Christmas lights and merry people prancing around. Ugh. People always compare him to the Grinch, but he’s not. Or maybe he is, whatever. It’s just stupid. Christmas is stupid. He’s never understood the whole appeal of only remembering to ‘be good and nice’ for a week… and the rest of the fucking year? Fucking phonies.
Another happy couple bumps into him. He growls and decides that fuck it, he’s tired of this. Screw meeting his friends. He takes his phone and texts them a curt message: Not going. Fuck off. He turns it off as soon as it says SENT.
He rubs his arms over his coat and makes his way back home, to the outskirts of the city. He doesn’t really feel like going there yet, so he deviates a little and instead moves to the nearby forest. Oh yes, he feels much better the second he steps into the vast green. Nature, he likes.
The main reason he bought his small house is this: its closeness to the woods, the pure quietness and rest it brings to his soul whenever he’s here.
He sighs, aggravated, and caresses a tree with some axe marks. Another reason to dislike Christmas: people decide to take down trees just because of the stupid ornamental trees. Tsk.
His feet are so used to the rocks and roots that he’s not even looking at where he’s going, he’s simply wandering around kind of in autopilot. It’s only when he hears the unmistakable sound of water that he realizes he’s going straight into the river.
He gently lifts a couple of branches and steps onto the riverbank. His boots make a crunchy sound with the rocks that relaxes him. If the water wasn’t so frozen, he would even put his hand in it, enjoying the feel of the small water stream between his fingers, but he works with what he has right now, so he sits cross-legged on the edge and tosses small pebbles, enjoying the small splash and the tranquility he’s surrounded by. At least is not the obnoxious hubbub of the city with all those awful carols and merry laughter. Tsk.
“Maybe if you weren’t all alone, you would like Christmas, Baku,” he sneers, imitating what his friends would say. “Dumbass. As if I needed someone in my life to spend a fucking festive day milked by commercial companies.”
His grunted monologue is interrupted by a big splash and a soft whine. “Help me…”
Katsuki quickly stands up and searches in the river with dread. Please, someone, tell him that he doesn’t need to dive in to save a fucking dumbass—
Moron spotted.
He sees a pale man with blue lips moving in his direction. Katsuki immediately takes off his coat and kicks off his boots before he dives into the water. He reaches the man just in time as he passes out.
It’s like touching a block of ice. He’s frozen. Katsuki wonders how he has survived this long on the water. He can feel his own teeth clattering as he tries to swim, carrying himself and the man into the land. He tries to lift the man first, and that’s when he realizes two things: one, the man is too long; two, where the fuck are his legs?
He doesn’t have. Instead, he has a long, big ass silver tail. That’s when he realizes he’s naked. To top it all.
“HOLY FUCK!”
He almost lets him go, but on the last second, he clasps him tightly. Okay, he can freak out later. Human or not, it’s obvious it's dying from the glacial temperature he’s in.
Katsuki grunts as he manages to push the man up on the shore and then himself. He falls into the rocky ground and pants, shivering from the cold. Fuck, now he’s the one with the body heat of a popsicle. He glances at the… merman? Shit. He really looks like one. He touches its tail, and yep, it’s not a fake costume, and if it is, it’s the best shit he has ever seen, worth of the Academy Award for best visual effects, ‘cause holy shit.
The purplish tone of the stranger’s hands and his lips is what makes him snap out of his thoughts. He quickly deems that the man needs his coat more than he does, and putting on his boots, without tying them up, he slides the mysterious man inside his coat before he huffs and carries him bride-style. It’s the only way he can do it; he can’t just drag him all around, and the fireman carry is a big no with that tail…
He jogs his way back to his house, taking the most direct route, and prays that he has left his back door open, because there’s no way he can go into the main street carrying a fucking merman as if it was nothing.
“Damn, I hope that nosy hag isn’t spying either,” he grunts.
His neighbor is always spying on him through her curtains, thinking that he's an idiot—or fucking blind, because hello—and hasn’t noticed it. As if.
Looks like the stars have aligned, as he finds his door unlocked and no moving curtains on the house next to his.
He kicks the bathroom door wide open and, placing the merman on the bathtub, he halts, hand hovering over the tap. He can’t simply open the hot water, that would make the man’s system collapse, right? He opens the cold one and fills the tub. He guesses he needs to warm him up slowly so as not to accidentally kill him.
As the tub is filling, he takes off his own clothes and quickly wraps himself in some towels, sneezing. “Damn, if I catch a cold, I’m so going to murder you,” he threatens at the poor unconscious man on his tub.
He touches the water and grimaces. It is cold, but nowhere as icy as the river’s.
He starts to touch the man’s arms and chest, trying to warm him up by helping his blood flow regularly. As his own fingers are freezing and getting numb, he empties the tub a little and starts to pour some warm water, just a tad to begin.
He keeps massaging his chest and arms, recovering the sensation on his own fingers, and hesitates before he touches its tail too. He does it, as he deems it must be the equivalent of his own legs, thus, they need attention too.
He repeats it ten times until the water is finally hot and the man’s color returns to normal.
His knees hurt, and he feels extremely tired. He lets out a big puff of air and stares at the man’s face. He’s handsome, he guesses. He’s also weird as fuck and not just because of, you know, having a fucking tail, but also his hair: half of it is red, the other is white. Katsuki leans forward and sees that the man has some dusty freckles on his left side, like a true redhead. It makes him chuckle as he doesn’t have a single one on his right one.
“What a half-and-half bastard you are. I wonder what the fuck you were doing in that icy river. I thought mermaids lived in the ocean.” He stops and reconsiders his wording. “Fucking hell… do mermaids truly exist?”
He has proof that they do:
Exhibit A: he has one in his fucking bathtub.
Exhibit B: he fucking has one in his bathtub.
Holy shit.
His head hurts, and he feels cold as hell. Supposing the man won’t drown (because that would mean he’s a pathetic excuse of a merman… which, okay, so far he is), or die from hypothermia any time soon, he goes upstairs to his bedroom to get some dry clothes. Extra warm and thick ones because he’s freezing.
He’s putting a second pair of thermal socks over his regular ones when he hears a big splash and someone screaming. He rushes downstairs, afraid that the merman is dying or something. He almost body slams himself into the bathroom wall as he asks him, “What? Are you fucking dying?”
“AAAAAH! DON’T EAT ME!” The merman screams as he trashes around the tub, trying to escape, but since he’s on a corner, he can only press himself further into the wall.
Katsuki glares at him, unimpressed. “That’s the most pathetic imitation of a starfish I’ve ever seen.”
“Uh? I’m not a starfish!” The man snaps at him, somehow offended. He's panting heavily, wide eyes scanning him and the room, trying to find a way of escape, Katsuki guesses.
Taking a step towards him, the man yelps, his chest rising and lowering even quicker, giving away how scared he seems to be.
Katsuki decides that distracting him is the best course of action.
“Well, if you are not a starfish, I’ve some bad news for you: normal people don’t stick themselves into a surface with their arms wide open. Oi, you are flooding my floor, and I’ve already wasted a lot of water on you. Are you gonna pay me the water bill, huh? That shit ain’t cheap.” It’s not as if he needs the money, he makes more than enough. Do mermaids even have money?
The man’s eyes are still moving in desperation, trying to find a place where he can run—swim?—away, but there’s none. Katsuki clicks his tongue and places a couple of towels on the floor. He hates the feeling of wet socks, and his feet are too frozen to even consider taking the two pairs he’s wearing off.
“Look, I fucking saved you, ok? If I wanted to cook you, you would be in my kitchen, not in my fucking bathtub!” He sizes him up and teases him a tad, “Anyway, you are too bony to even serve as a proper meal.”
The merman’s eyes widen further, and holy fuck, they are dual too. Katsuki chuckles. He truly is a half-and-half moronic bastard.
“You intend to feed me and then eat me?” The mer whispers darkly.
Katsuki can’t help it he guffaws, bending in half and almost falls to his knees. “This ain’t fucking Hansel and Gretel, you fucking moron,” he utters between laughs. Wiping away his tears, he decides that enough is enough. He approaches the tub, ignoring the small panicked shriek, and opens the tap, filling the tub once more with more hot water. “Tsk, stop moving around so much. I don’t want a fucking pool on my tiles, got it?”
The merman eyes him warily before he slides down the wall with a big splash. Katsuki jumps away, but it’s no good, his feet get drenched. He sneers at the man as he takes off his socks. Four perfectly ruined socks. He tosses them away and wiggles his toes when he gets another splash. Okay, this is getting truly annoying.
“Oi! Didn’t I fucking tell you to stop wetting my floor?” He snarls.
“What are those?” The merman is almost falling out of the tub.
Katsuki catches him just in time before he faceplants. He smacks him on the arm.
“Will you be more careful?!” He barks.
The man ignores him and tries to bend over the tub once more. “They are so little…” he whispers, awed. “You can move them all?”
Katsuki is wondering what the heck is going on when he follows the man’s gaze and sees…. his feet. He twists his face in utter confusion and snaps his fingers. “Oi! Stop being a creep. Are you a foot fetishist or something?”
The man’s head snaps up. He flutters his eyelashes and honestly asks, “What’s that?”
Katsuki’s heart leaps from his chest. Alright, yeah, the man is drop-dead gorgeous, and he’s a mythical creature, but the worst part is that Katsuki is sure he’s not even conscious of the effect he has on the rest of the mortals. Fuck. He’s always had a soft spot for handsome people who don’t even realize they are. He loathes cocky bastards because he’s one, and one rooster is more than enough in the fucking roost.
Swallowing, he glances away. “Uh, nothing, nothing, just don’t stare at my feet so much. It’s weird. So. You're a mermaid, sorry, merman. So you guys do exist.”
The merman leans back in the tub and slides down until his body is covered up to his eyes. It’s kind of ridiculous, and Katsuki glares at him, annoyed as now almost all of his tail is out of the tub, dripping water all over his fucking floor. So much for not making a pool. Ugh.
“Whatever, I don’t need to know… just tell me one thing. Why were you in the river? You almost died, you know? You were a fucking block of ice, Halfie.”
His words make the man blush and dive even further into the water before he emerges up to his neck. “Yes, I know it. Thank you for that. I honestly thought I was going to die. I have no idea how I’ve made it for so long.”
“Tsk, you been on the river for that long?” He teases him, not truly expecting an answer.
The man’s mouth twitches. Katsuki can see that he’s thinking, weighing his options. He kind of gets it. Mermaids are legends, and if they exist, it's obvious they’ve kept it a secret for centuries. He assumes that spilling your secrets to a human, even if it has saved you, won’t cut it. He’s almost ready to tell him to save it when the man finally answers him.
“I had a fight with my father. I swam away trying to find solace. By the time I realized how cold it was, it was already too late. I knew that my pod must have left towards tropical waters, so I found a small cave and took shelter there, but the water kept getting colder and colder. I went back to the ‘river’, as you call it, trying to get back to the ocean. I was desperate, and I thought that maybe my brother or sister might still be around… but if the water is as cold as it was there, I’m afraid they might consider me dead and have already left.”
Katsuki tries to process the information. Mermaids, or at least the ones from this guy’s family, are migratory and need warm water. And secondly and most important, “you are a fucking dumbass. Holy shit, you are as idiotic as you are pretty. How can someone not realize winter is coming? Seriously, how?”
The merman opens his mouth, closes it, then blushes a deep shade of red. “Y-you think I’m pretty?”
Katsuki’s eyes widen. Now, he can feel his own cheeks flushing. He storms away from the bathroom, cursing the fucking fish in his tub. What a complete airhead!
Katsuki is cooking, minding his own business, when his phone rings. He glances at it and sees it’s the hag. He picks it up just to hang it, a second later. Then he leaves it on hold so she won’t be able to call again. Smirking, he keeps cooking.
He’s doing some fried veggies with mushrooms and rice, something easy and fast. He places two servings and grimaces at the idea of eating in the bathroom… but he can’t actually leave the merman on its own with his dishes, who knows what could happen? He balances everything and makes his way back to the room.
“Oh, you are back. What’s that?”
“Food. Eat.” He sits on a small stool he has there and hands the merman his own dish.
The merman examines the dish from all the possible angles and then looks back at Katsuki. “What’s this?”
Katsuki rolls his eyes. “Stir fry. I did something easy and simple. Now eat.” He’s going to take his first bite when the man keeps firing questions at him.
“Why is it hot? What’s a stri fly? How are these made? Isn’t it too hard to eat this?” He taps with his fingernail the dish, and Katsuki can feel the vein in his neck ready to explode.
“Look, one, the dish is not edible, the food on it is. Two, it’s STIR FRY, we ain’t toads, we don’t eat flies. Three, it’s hot because I had to use a pan and fire. Now stuff your mouth with it, like this, see?” He takes some and chews loudly, exaggerating it like one would do to a kid. He swallows before he adds, “just eat. Copy me, and for god’s sake, just eat.”
The man watches him in awe, and then, with even more wonder, he stares back at the food before he finally starts to eat. Alleluia!
The moan he makes makes Katsuki leap and almost fall flat onto the floor.
The man keeps making obscene sounds as he eats in such a hurry that he’s done before Katsuki has time to process what the fuck has just happened. He hands him his own dish, mumbling that he can make more, totally flabbergasted. The man nods eagerly, and Katsuki guesses it will be fine if he leaves him be for some minutes. At least now he knows he can’t eat the freaking dish.
That’s how he ends up pretty much emptying his freezer and with an increasing pile of dirty dishes on his kitchen sink. He sighs as he takes the latest empty dish the man has left balanced precariously over the edge of his tub, and sees the merman is softly snoring. He frowns and bends over to carefully wipe his mouth clean. Tsk.
“You are a complete disaster, Halfie.” He whispers softly, shaking his head in slight amusement.
The merman was famished. He guesses it’s normal, who knows for how long he was on that cave. Probably no fish were around, so he must have been hungry and freezing. It’s truly a miracle he’s still alive.
Scratching his head, Katsuki starts to clean the kitchen and reflects on what he should do next. It’s pretty obvious that if he goes to the ocean, he won’t find the guy’s family. Even if he starts screaming like a madman, “hey! I’ve your brother!”, he highly doubts any mermaid might come and say, “oh jeez, thanks! Hope he didn’t bother you too much.” He chuckles at the idea. Yeah, that’s so not going to happen.
Drumming his fingers on his kitchen counter, he stares at his living room. His laptop is half-open on the coffee table. He was answering an email when he got fed up and decided to take a walk. Then, midway, Kirishima called him to hang around at a bar, and he had agreed before he got fed up with people’s bullshit on Christmas.
He sits on his couch and moves the cursor, making his screen light up. He’s currently working as a graphic designer. Kind of ironic, but he guesses it runs in his family's genes. His parents are in the fashion industry, so design has always been there, in the Bakugou household.
He has a nice eye for colors and aesthetics, and since he works freelance, he can choose which jobs he wants to take and which he would rather skip. Right now, he’s working for a small publisher, designing their webpage and some logos. He’s having some difficulties with one of the guys. He types his answer and receives an answer immediately, making him growl in frustration. See? This guy is impossible. He’s almost tempted to take a selfie flipping off the guy and send it with a sayonara asshole!, when he receives another email.
Summer Catalogue
Oh, summer. He glances at his bathroom. Will he have to keep up with the merman until spring? He guesses so. He’s not that heartless to kick him out and let him die.
“I still need my bathtub.” He mutters.
Crap. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. How is he going to pee? He only has one bathroom! His house is small, just two floors. The one upstairs is just his bedroom, a big one, sure, but that’s it. This floor has the bathroom, the kitchen, and his living room.
He scratches his neck, frustrated. Stretching out backwards, he takes one of his jackets (since his coat is drying), and goes to the supermarket. His fridge is empty, and he knows how to solve that. He'd better start tackling problems one by one.
He buys what he usually does but twice the quantity, making the cashier frown a little as he’s known to be a creature of habit. He’s glad his work pays well and that he has savings; otherwise, he and the merman would be screwed if every day he ate like today... and that was only one meal. He can’t wait to see how the dumbass reacts to dinner.
He’s walking back home when he stops at a toy shop. He shrugs and decides this idea is as good as any.
“Excuse me, do you still have swimming pools?”
The store clerk frowns. “Uh, I’m not sure… We usually have stock on summer, not on, uh winter, sir.”
Katsuki doesn’t like the way she has said winter. Yes, he’s fully conscious that it’s the beginning of fucking winter and Christmas is on the corner. He knows how to read a fucking calendar, thank you very much.
The death glare seems to work as she gasps and, pointing at the backroom, she hurries there, babbling something about searching it for him.
When Katsuki sees the box she’s carrying back, he grins wickedly. It’s perfect.
“I’m so sorry we only have this one—” she whispers, afraid.
He wastes no time. “I love it. Here, have my credit card.”
The woman does a double-take at him and then titters, utterly nervous. Katsuki rolls his eyes. He doesn’t love it because he’s a fan… but because it’s the perfect joke.
He can’t wait to see the merman's face when he sees it.
He’s huffing as he has just finished filling the pool. What a hassle that has been! He never thought it would give him such a headache. First, he had to move all his furniture away from the center of his living room, and then once the pool was there, he realized one thing: how was he supposed to fill it? He hurried out and bought a hose to be able to connect it with the kitchen tap… which was sloooooow as the water flow isn’t the greatest. Ugh.
He has also boiled some water to make sure it was hot enough, since the man said something about tropical water, and according to Google, that means heat. He puts his hand inside and sighs, yeah, it’s definitely warm enough.
The pool is as big as his couch. He could easily lie there and fit, so he guesses the merman will too.
Grinning like a maniac, he tiptoes to the bathroom. He opens the door, and the man smiles at him. “Oh, I was getting bored.”
“Yeah, yeah, well, wrap your arms around me, Halfie, we are going out.”
The merman freezes and recoils against the wall. “No, please, you can’t do that to me.”
“RELAX!” He roars, annoyed with the amount of water that now covers his floor. Again. This is getting old. “Look, I meant my fucking living room, okay? Jeez, I can’t keep you in my tub. It’s too small, you will fucking rot in there, and I need to use my toilet, and there’s no way I will with you looking, and trust me, you don’t want that either.”
The merman nods slowly. “What’s a living room? Do you have a dead one then, too?”
Katsuki huffs, rolling his eyes, and ignores his silly question as he dodges the spilled water. He bends over and slides an arm under the man’s silver tail. “Wrap your arms around my neck, Halfie.”
“Shouto. My name is Shouto, not Halfie.”
“Whatever, Halfie.” He replies, pretending that he doesn’t care. So Shouto, huh?
Said man huffs. “You are not going to tell me your name?”
“Katsuki,” he grunts as he lifts him up. Shouto gasps a little. “Relax, I ain’t gonna drop you. You don’t weigh that much anyway.”
He stops before the swimming pool and waits for Shouto to see it. The man is too enthralled by everything in the room to pay attention to what he should. Katsuki clears his throat and points at the pool.
“Oh, the color is nice.” Shouto just says. “And is that a mermaid?”
Katsuki almost drops him inside. Such a waste of the perfect joke. He huffs, annoyed, and places Shouto inside his new Barbie Mermaid pool. “Yes, she’s an annoying bitch like you,” he tells him pettily.
The man frowns. “I’m not annoying, and I’m not a bitch.”
“Oh, so you know what that means. Lovely, here I was thinking you were in a painful need of a dictionary. There, there, I’ll make sure to get one without insults since you do know what those are.” He stops and considers it for a minute. “Hold on a second.”
He rushes upstairs and, looking around his closet, he finds a box with shit his mom insisted he had to take. He finds a couple of children’s books with pictures and words with easy vocabulary. Alright, he might have been too cruel and asshole-ish earlier, but the idea isn’t that bad. It’s pretty obvious mermaids know jack shit about the human world… just like he knows about theirs, he guesses. He hands the man the books and sits next to the pool.
“Wait! You have to dry your hands first.”
He has stocked towels on his couch, so he hands him one. Bless his foresight.
Shouto studies to towel, and Katsuki has to teach him how to dry them. “This is so weird and unnatural,” the man mumbles, opening and closing his hands with a small grimace.
“I guess so. You are made to be in the water, but books don’t.” He explains dryly. “Here, this will help, I think. I’ll buy some more online so you can learn and stop pestering me with absurd questions like dead rooms, tsk.”
Shouto takes the book, opens it, and then starts to move it up and down.
It’s then that Katsuki realizes his perfect plan has a fatal flaw. “You don’t know how to read,” he deadpans.
“What’s that?” The man asks him curiously.
“I’m fucking doomed.”
How to educate your merman, a basic and complete guide written by yours truly, Katsuki, kill me already, Bakugou.
Step 1. Teach him how to read.
He makes flashcards with the alphabet and spends a whole day, like a fool, mimicking the sounds and checking that Shouto retains the information properly. By the time night has fallen, Shouto is capable of reading his own name and Katsuki’s as well as some spare words from the kids’ book. Katsuki feels like crying out of happiness.
He falls asleep on the couch, too tired to even attempt to make it upstairs, and wakes up by the sound of Shouto reading aloud the other book. He peeks one eye open and smiles proudly at the hesitant pronunciation. Still, it’s progress.
He buys a dozen more books with pictures and single words below them, and even dares to buy a fairytale one with more text. The webpage says it’s for kids from 6 years up. He guesses Shouto does have enough time to try it, and after all, it’s not as if he has to read it.
When he tells the man so, he beams, especially when Katsuki explains what fairytales are. Shouto says he’s curious to know how humans see mermaids and the fairy folk... That’s how Katsuki learns fairies are real, too. Well, fuck him.
Step 2. Teach him to stop fucking splashing everywhere.
Katsuki growls like a mad dog as he sees the legs of his coffee table are rotting, and IS THAT MOLD?!
“Oi!” He snaps his fingers, and Shouto peeks from above his book. “Stop splashing everything. You are rotting my furniture. Water and wood don’t mix.”
“I apologize. I’ll try to be more careful.”
Katsuki nods. Shouto sounded sincere enough, he guesses.
Words mean shit. Katsuki has always known that, but as he sees the small puddle of water that has made him almost slip and fall on the floor, he knows he needs to take further measures so…
Step 3. Waterproof everything and skip step two, it’s fucking useless, especially if your mer is a dumbass and an airhead. YES, that means YOU, Halfie!
He buys tarps. He buys so many that the guy at the shop seems hesitant to let him go, almost ready to call the cops on him. As if Katsuki was a serial killer. The only one he plans to murder is the lousy merman in his bright pink pool. Damn, if he wasn’t so fucking cute while reading his stupid kiddie books…
He goes into another shop to buy nails and a hammer. He’d rather not be arrested tonight, thank you.
As he kicks the front door wide open, he hears a splash and then a hurried whisper. He sees Shouto with a towel, trying to clean his mess. Well, that’s something. Still…
“Leave it. I’m going to cover everything in plastic.” He says as he drops the heavy bags all over the room. He covers his couch with a tarp and then carefully places Shouto over there. “How long do I have?”
The man hums and shrugs. “I’m not sure. Since I’m so healthy thanks to you, I’d say you have as long as the time you take to prepare dinner or when you take your long baths.”
Katsuki chokes and blushes. Those are the times when he takes his special me time. He angrily stomps all around the place and empties the pool, cursing under his breath the damn merman and his naivety.
“I’m not stupid,” Shouto pipes amused. “So that’s why you take so long. Interesting.”
Katsuki walks into a wall. It hurts. Shouto laughs and tries to muffle it, hiding his face behind a book.
Katsuki is not amused, far from it.
The first thing he does is put the tarps all over his floor and then fill the pool, too worried by the merman… even if said bastard is lazily napping as if nothing.
He carefully picks him up and places him inside the pool. He considers it a success as the man is still sleeping. Then Katsuki tries to be quiet, but it’s kind of hard since you know, plastic is noisy as hell. Yet Shouto keeps snoring, and it makes Katsuki wonder if he could blast rock music and the man would still sleep...
He does it.
Shouto keeps sleeping as if nothing.
“Lazy bastard,” he snickers as he keeps nailing the traps into the floor.
Step 4. Before you turn on the TV, explain to him what a TV is, unless you want your merman to crawl away from the pool you’ve so nicely bought for him, almost tearing it apart as he’s screaming bloody murder about humans trying to eat him.
Pretty explanatory, but you want more details? Fucking whatever.
Seeing that Shouto seems to enjoy reading and since he’s always asking Katsuki about the human world, the man considers that TV could be a nice window to the outside world for the mermaid.
“Hey Shouto, since you’ve already finished all your books, I thought maybe this could help too.”
Shouto hums happily, his tail softly moving and splashing a little, since now he doesn’t have to worry about making a mess—not as if before he did, no matter what the little turd says. Katsuki turns on the tv and the merman freezes. He hears a soft gasp, and Katsuki smiles. Yeah, he had guessed the man would be baffled by it.
Everything is cool as the TV shows images of faraway landscapes and the aerial view of skyscrapers. The problem comes when the image changes to humans. Shouto yelps and tries to recoil as the people on the screen seem to be walking towards them (Katsuki will later realize this and mentally kick his ass).
“No! Please, Katsuki, save me! They are going to eat me!” The merman sounds desperate, and he tries to crawl away from the TV, aka, away from his pool.
Katsuki is shocked. He quickly rushes to his side and gently holds him, rocking their bodies in a soothing way. “Hey, Halfie, it’s okay. No one wants to hurt you.”
“No! I’ve seen them. Humans kill merfolk!”
Katsuki halts and looks down at the man between his arms. He caresses the man’s face and wipes away his tears as he swears, “As long as you are with me, no one will ever hurt you, okay? I swear it.”
Shouto whimpers and nods before he buries his face in Katsuki’s chest, nuzzling him. Katsuki massages his shoulders and caresses his hair, braiding it. Shouto loves it when he braids his hair, he always praises how skilled Katsuki is and how much he likes the result.
Once he has calmed down enough, Katsuki asks him, curious, “Hey, Halfie, I’ve been wondering something, why do you believe that humans eat mermaids?”
Which brings us to the next step:
Step 5. Explain to him that no, humans do not want to eat mermaids. Whatever you do, don’t make fun of mermaids’ folklore about humans. It’ll make your merman ignore you for a whole day.
“It’s a story fathers tell to their sons. My father and mother told it to me just like theirs did to them. Humans hunt us, and when we fall on their nets, they bring us to the land where they cut us in half and eat our tails.” Shouto shivers, and his voice lowers. “I’ve seen it. You too… You eat fish. We are similar. They are just smaller. If you were hungry enough, would you eat me too?” He whispers shakily.
Katsuki blinks and chortles. He can’t help himself. “Holy shit, Halfie, that’s so dumb! You are talking about fishermen! They only fish for fish, not mermaids. You guys are a myth for us. I highly doubt anyone who goes seeking you wants to do it just to eat you. For studying, you sure, but eat? Yeah, we eat fish, and we do behead them and eat what you’d consider ‘their tails’, but that’s because who would want to eat a head? That’s so dumb!” He keeps laughing. “I can assure you that humans would never eat merfolk. They would be too amazed by you to try and hurt you.”
His laughter eventually fades. That’s when he realizes that Shouto’s eyes are kind of cold. Oh, he looks pissed. Katsuki tries to nudge him, but the man moves away from his body with a huff.
Shouto ignores him for the rest of the day. When Katsuki sits on the couch to work and asks the man for his opinion on his designs like he’s been doing for the past few days, rather than hearing the ‘oooooh’ and ‘aaaaah’ he always receives as feedback, he hears nothing except an airy huff here and there.
Turns out merfolk are really prideful, or at least the one on his house is.
Step 6. Shower your merman in gifts so he will forgive you
He’s not worried, okay? He really doesn’t care if Shouto is talking to him or not. Whatever.
He decides to ignore him too… but now the house feels kinda empty and shit, the dumbass has some nice ideas or at least it helps Katsuki boost his imagination while he’s working. Tsk.
He finally googles how to make someone talk to you again, but only finds advice for couples. He and Shouto are not dating, so it’s useless.
Huffing, he closes his laptop and stares at the ceiling. He starts to recall that once his father gave the old hag flowers because he was late to a dinner date or some shit like that. It was nothing, but his old man has always been a softie, and if he’s not wrong, his mom melted at the gesture and didn’t even bark a little at him.
Flowers, is it then.
He’s not sure which ones Shouto might like, so he calls three different flower shops and asks for a couple of big bouquets. In all of them, they ask him why to have some clue regarding the kind of bouquet. Katsuki only indulges them as he guesses it’s not the same a birthday bouquet than a funeral one.
The delivery guy comes twice, once with the closest flower shop's bouquets and later with the other four. Katsuki sees that most of them are red roses. Huh, weird… but okay. They are the professionals after all. He has explained the situation overall, ‘I need someone to stop not talking to me. We live together, and it’s annoying as fuck. Kinda miss his annoying voice…’ If those flower shops think this is the best bouquet for that, so be it.
The delivery man wiggles his eyebrows as Katsuki signs the delivery papers. “Wow, someone must have pissed off their girlfriend, huh? I’m sure she will forgive you.”
“Him,” he corrects. “And he’s not my boyfriend,” he says dismissively. The delivery guy frowns, but before he can add something, Katsuki closes the door on his face and, taking five bouquets between his arms, curses the fact that he can’t with the last one, yet he makes his way back to the living room.
Shouto’s back is to him, but the way the man stiffens his shoulders tells him that he knows that Katsuki is there.
“Hey, Shouto.” Okay, step by step. One, calling him by his name, not Halfie. Now, step two: apologize. Yeah, he fucked up by making fun of him, he recognizes it. “I, uh, sorry?”
Gosh, he sucks at this. He dumps the bouquets on the man’s lap, making him leap a little, startled. He sees the roses getting wet. Shouto freezes and then slowly raises his head. His eyes are wide open, and his mouth is too. He turns his head back to the flowers and, amazed, he touches them.
“They are beautiful,” he whispers. He keeps caressing them, with almost reverence. “What are they called?”
“Uh, roses. The red ones at least. I’m not sure about the others, but mainly it’s a bouquet of roses. Oh, wait, there’s another one.”
“There’s more?!” The amazed tone in Shouto’s voice makes him chuckle.
He rushes back to the hall and picks up the last one before he goes back to Shouto. Swallowing, he kneels on the floor next to the pool and offers it to him, this time appropriately. “Sorry,” he rushes.
Shouto takes the flowers with a big smile and nods. “Apology accepted…” He whispers with fondness. Then he hesitates before he shakily asks him, “You promise me humans don’t want to eat us?”
“I swear!” He quickly says.
The man nods and sniffs the roses. “They are lovely. Thank you so much, Katsuki.”
“It’s nothing,” he mumbles, embarrassed.
Shouto keeps the sixth bouquet out of the water, gently placing it on the floor, next to the pool. Then, he lies on the water surrounded by the other flowers, happily singing and humming, playing with them.
Katsuki doesn’t work that day. He can’t. He’s unable to take his eyes away from the scene before him.
He likes it when Shouto shines so brightly from happiness. It makes his chest feel warm, and his stomach feels funny too.
He buys him more books since the man is now able to read faster, and decides he can buy him a bunch of roses every week. The money is well invested if it makes the candy cane merman so happy… and the flowers are beautiful. Especially next to him.
Step 7. Give up your space for him and don’t skimp on expenses.
Four days until Christmas, and his phone won’t stop buzzing with invitations from everybody asking what his plans are and if he wants to join them.
I’m with someone, fuck off. He turns off his phone after he massively sends that reply.
Yawning, he gets downstairs and greets the merman. The silence ticks him off. Shouto always mumbles a hello, even a lazy one.
He approaches the pool and sees the grimace on his sleeping face, disturbing his always soft features.
He crouches and gently wakes him up.
“Hey, Halfie, wake up. You okay there?”
Shouto flutters his eyes open and smiles softly. “Good morning, Katsuki.” He tries to move, and that’s when his face morphs into a deep wince.
Katsuki frowns. He quickly notes how stiff Shouto seems to be. He realizes pretty soon where the problem is: the pool is too small. Even if now Shouto can lie pretty much all his length on the water, he can’t actually move.
He curses himself. Basically, he has left Shouto trapped on a slightly bigger box than his bathtub is, but still a box, nevertheless. He can’t imagine how he would be faring if someone ordered him not to move from his bed.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers. Shouto blinks and tilts his head, confused. Katsuki keeps watching him, and then something crazy hits him. “I, uh, I might have an idea...”
He quickly takes his laptop, and after some calls, he sighs and eyes warily the merman.
“Uh, I’m really sorry, but I’ve to put you on the tub again. I know, I know it’s painful, but I’m afraid the pool won’t fit in the bathroom and I can’t have you in plain sight.” He explains.
Shouto frowns. “Why?”
“Uh, you remember what I told you about Christmas?”
He nods. “Yes, it’s a holiday where people give others gifts, right?”
“Yeah. Well, people are going to come. Other humans. They can’t see you.”
“Oh, I see.” Shouto seems sad.
Katsuki is almost tempted to explain himself further… but he wants it to be a surprise. The more he thinks about it, the more he likes it and the more excited he becomes.
“Hey, I promise it will be worth it, okay? Trust me.”
Shouto nods softly and tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. It makes Katsuki hesitate even further, but he wants to see Shouto’s face once he sees it. If he tries to explain it to him, he’ll spoil the surprise, and he’s sure he won’t really understand it anyway.
He takes his hand and squeezes it. “I swear you’ll be really happy once it’s done. Just two days. Only that long and I promise you’ll understand.”
It takes them three days. Katsuki pays them extra money and barks at them to hurry the fuck up because he needs it to be done before Christmas.
He spends all of his free moments with Shouto in the bathroom. The man looks sad and lonely, but at least he has over ten books to read. Now he’s reading a collector’s edition of a graphic novel.
“Hey,” Katsuki mumbles. Shouto glances at him before he keeps reading. Katsuki waits for him to finish the page, and then Shouto answers him back. He smiles a little at him and crouches next to the bathtub before he nudges him and whispers, “It’s done. I’m sorry for the delay.”
Shouto glances at him before he stares at the book once more. “It’s okay. This is your house after all. I’m just a guest.”
His words don’t sit well with Katsuki. He frowns and looks away, unsure of how he should proceed. He shifts awkwardly before he decides that he’s gone this far already. Maybe Shouto hates his gift, but at least he won’t rot away or be in pain anymore. That’s enough for Katsuki.
He takes his book away and carefully moves the 10 of them away from any possible water damage. Now the merman is more careful since he discovered what happens with paper and water. Luckily, Katsuki immediately bought another copy of that book and comforted the merman in the time it took for it to be delivered to their home, assuring him that it was okay, that he wasn’t mad, that those books are 100% Shouto’s, and that a copy of that same one was coming.
Katsuki ignores the protests but minds the small wincing as he takes the man in his arms and lifts him from the tub. He kicks the door open and sees Shouto frowning as he notices the new metallic beams in the middle of the living room.
“What are those?” he inquires, curious.
“Beams. It’s to support the extra weight, so the ceiling won’t collapse.” He explains as he heads upstairs.
“Wait, why are we going there? Is my pool upstairs?”
Katsuki shakes his head as he carefully maneuvers them over the staircase. “Nah, there’s no pool anymore.”
“A bathtub?”
“Nope. That’s the only one in the house. Hey Halfie, merry Christmas,” he whispers as they reach the top of the staircase.
His upper floor is an open space, or it was. Now half of it is still his bedroom, and the other half, the size of his whole living room, is a big ass tank filled with water with a temperature regulator and a water filter. He lied, saying that he wanted some big tropical fish. The contractor asked him if he wanted a shark or a small whale due to the size of the tank. Katsuki paid him more to shut the fuck up and hurry. His new tank makes the ones in the aquarium jealous.
Shouto is speechless. His tail twitches, and then his whole body shakes. “Ka-Kats?”
“Yes?”
“I-is that for me?” he whimpers.
Katsuki laughs softly. “Well, I don’t see any other mermen around, do you?”
Shouto buries his face in his neck and cries. Katsuki makes his way to the tank and carefully climbs the small stepladder before he softly releases Shouto inside the water.
“Is the temperature okay? Here, let me explain to you how it works. If you need to warm it up, press this button. If you need it to cool down, this one. Remember what I told you about numbers? The bigger the number, the hotter. Got it?” He waits for Shouto’s answer, but the man simply tackles him in a hug. Katsuki has to grasp the edge of the glass not to fall inside.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!” He whispers into his neck.
Katsuki’s stomach jerks and his heart skips a beat. “Y-yeah,” he mumbles, embarrassed. “It’s, uh, it’s okay. It’s the least I could do. You were suffering and I just… yeah.” His brain is malfunctioning. Now he can’t even talk.
Shouto eventually lets him go, and Katsuki sits on his bed and watches him twirl around the tank. He starts moving slowly, clearly in a bit of pain from the lack of using his full body, but soon enough, he’s moving from one side of the tank to the other, laughing and singing.
Katsuki smiles and then decides that it’s time for his second present.
“Hey Halfie, since you love to read so much but books aren’t really compatible with water, I’d like to introduce you to this.” He shows him a small Bluetooth speaker. “You’ll need to dry your hands whenever you use it, as well as the phone, but at least you can listen to the books. Allow me to introduce you to the magic of audiobooks.”
They spend the whole afternoon listening to Alice in Wonderland. Katsuki lying over a blanket on the floor, while Shouto is at the bottom of his tank, right next to Katsuki.
When he wakes up the next day, a little stiff from sleeping on the floor, the first thing he sees is Shouto’s grin as he wishes him a merry Christmas. It’s the first time Katsuki feels that, indeed, he could learn how to appreciate the holiday. Maybe it ain’t as stupid as I initially thought.
Katsuki Bakugou becomes an expert on waterproof shit. He buys a variety of lasting plastic things for Shouto’s tank, so now the man has plastic pillows and soft marimo balls to carpet the bottom of his tank, as well as a variety of aquatic plants that he has bought for him. Today’s latest purchase is some small fish and seashells to keep the man company after he mentioned that he missed playing around with fish.
Shouto squeals happily and thanks Katsuki as he starts to name the fish. Katsuki laughs as he sees the small fish play between Shouto’s hair and at the ridiculous names the man is giving them, like Mr. Bubbles or Mr. Orange.
He takes his sketch pad and draws him. He already has a full pad filled with Shouto doing cute shit. He’s even considered trying watercolors to paint him. The black and white sketches don’t do him enough justice. Shouto is vibrant after all, not dull to be colored in the grayscales his pencil and charcoal offer him.
He’s finishing shadowing his tail when Shouto leans over the edge, water droplets falling down the glass. Katsuki eyes them and then looks up at Shouto, with a brow raised.
“Join me,” the man simply says.
Katsuki frowns. “Uh?”
Shouto stretches a hand with a bright smile. “C’mon, take a swim with me. The water is nice, and I’d love to swim with you.”
He considers it. Whatever. He leaves the sketch pad on his bed and, taking off his clothes, he seeks his swimming trunks. Shouto’s back is turned, giving him privacy, as Katsuki told him that humans don’t have their genitals hidden like mermen, but rather hanging. Shouto was curious, but he didn’t ask, which made Katsuki glad. He steps on the ladder and sits on the edge of the tank. The water does feel good… but is not as if he can think about it too much, as Shouto grabs him from his waist and both dive in the water.
Luckily, Katsuki has taken a deep breath beforeheand. He opens his eyes and sees Shouto beaming right next to him. He tucks his hair behind his ear and blushes as he realizes what he has just done. Rather than push his hand away, Shouto nuzzles his face against it, making Katsuki melt a little.
He gets up to take a breath of air before he dives back. He and Shouto twirl around, emerging so Katsuki doesn’t drown, and they splash each other. Katsuki takes one big breath and lies at the bottom of the tank, above the soft marimo balls. He almost chokes as Shouto hovers over him with a bright smile and caresses his face softly.
He seeks the touch and softly whines when his lungs burn as he knows he has to get out of the water to take another breath. Shouto accompanies him. Leaning against the edge of his tank, he tilts his head back, his hair falling out of it as he softly sings a song. Katsuki rests his arms on the glass and glances at him. His eyes can’t look away from the curve of his throat, and his mouth waters for no reason.
Embarrassed, he decides it’s time to make dinner. Shouto helps him get out of the tank and waves him a, “see you later, Kats.”
As he’s boiling the rice, Katsuki buys a scuba tube and considers whether he should invest in something more. For now, he’ll take the tube.
They welcome the new year inside the tank with a small projector that showcases fireworks. Shouto’s eyes shine brighter than them and Katsuki has a seat on first row to see it.
“What’s the human tradition for the New Year?” He gets asked.
“It depends on the country.”
Shouto hums and then kisses his cheek. “I read a kiss was one of them,” he whispers.
Katsuki can only nod. He sees Shouto is waiting, so he quickly pecks back at his cheek. “Yeah, happy New Year,” he croaks.
He’s cursing Valentine’s Day as he’s with his tablet on his bed, trying to draw an appropriate heart. That shitty shape is going to be his end. Such a simple thing, and he can’t make it. Ugh.
“What’s that?”
“Huh?” Katsuki’s eyes stay on the drawing.
“Valetine,” Shouto says.
Katsuki chuckles and shakes his head. “It's Valentine, and it’s a stupid thing in February.”
“Aren’t we still in January?”
“Yeah, but designing starts in November. I’m just lazy as fuck, and I procrastinated it until the last moment. Due date is tomorrow, so here I am, crying my frustration on this bad bitch.”
Shouto laughs softly. “I like your designs. They are not bad.”
Katsuki rolls his eyes but softly smiles. “You'd better, since they paid your tank and the water bill,” he teases him.
He hears a tiny splash, then he sees Shouto petting one of his fish. He’s actually using him as a model. What’s more romantic than a mermaid? That’s the excuse he has used for his client. Well, he’s going to receive a surprise, as rather than a beautiful mermaid, he’s going to receive a clone of Shouto. The problem is not the merman, but rather the tiny, heart-shaped shit he has to draw all around. He doesn’t like chocolate, so he had to google them as his brain came up with nothing. His drawing portrays Shouto eating the chocolates from the company he’s working for.
Three hours later, he’s finished. He taps on the tank and shows Shouto his final piece. The merman’s eyes widen as his fingers caress the glass between them. “It’s me.”
“Yeah, well, I usually don’t take drawing requests. You already know I only do logos and Photoshop, but this was a special one, and since I’m so used to sketching you… It was the easiest way to make it before I ran out of time.” He tries to fabricate a half-assed excuse, and both know it. He never does something unless he wants to.
Shouto smiles. “I’m glad you like to draw me, Katsuki. Think you could teach me how to do it?”
“Uh, sure.”
Step 8??? Does New Year count too? Whatever.
Step X. How to draw 101.
Katsuki’s first step is to find out whether Shouto is a leftie or a righty. Since the man doesn’t even know how to write, he decides that first he should do as much, as well as he practices some basic shapes like circles, squares, etc. The basics of drawing.
It’s quite enthralling to see the man with his tongue poking through his lips, so focused on the sketch pad Katsuki has bought just for him (a watercolor one, since those are more resilient to water), writing both of their names.
Shouto fancies writing in old calligraphy with all those filigree and shitty curvatures, so he buys him a couple of calligraphy books too, and in three days the man has filled them, and now he's constantly writing letters to communicate with Katsuki, alleging that he doesn’t want his new skill to rust.
He pretends to be bothered by it, but he secretly loves it whenever a paper plane softly lands on his bed. Oh yeah, Shouto has also learnt origami after hearing about it in one of his audiobooks. He buys a folder just to keep all of them in one place.
But going back to the thing that has originated all this, once the man has mastered the art of writing (as he calls it), Katsuki starts to teach him how to draw more complex shapes, using the bedroom or his own fish as models, explaining to him not to overfocus on drawing details but simply start with simple outlines. The merman gets a little frustrated as he can’t get the same results he would obtain using a camera.
He eventually gets to be pretty decent, Katsuki thinks. He’s no Picasso, but for someone who didn’t even know how to hold a pencil or what an eraser was, it’s good. He’s inside the tank helping Shouto with some basic shadowing when he gets hit with a question, “Kats, when is Valentine’s Day?”
“February 14th, why?”
Shouto hums. “That must be close to now, right?”
“Nah, there’s still over a week until then… why?” He asks again.
“I’d like to celebrate it. Like we did with Christmas and New Year’s Eve.”
He dies. Cause of death? Overflow of emotions by a dumbass merman that has made his heart go boom in the span of 3 seconds.
“That’s a couple's thing,” he manages to say.
Shouto tilts his head. “Couple, that means two, right? Well, we are two. We can do it, right?”
Katsuki can’t say no. How can he when Shouto is looking at him with those gorgeous eyes of his, silently pleading to him to celebrate fucking Valentine’s?
“Y-yeah,” he croaks. “We totally can.”
The merman pulls him in a tight embrace, and Katsuki feels like shit. Oh god, he realizes he wants to celebrate this stupid thing with him… but not the same way Shouto surely does. With a tight smile, he gets out of the tank and mumbles about needing to cook dinner already.
He calls Kirishima. He’s the most functional of his friends and has been dating Mina since high school.
“Bakugou, what’s u—”
“I need your help,” he hisses.
Kirishima gaps. “Are you okay? Shit, fuck, okay, whatever it is, we can make it out. Give me your location, and I’ll call the cops and—”
“Shitty hair, what the fuck?” He glares at the phone. Forget it. Kiri is a dumbass. Cursing, he pinches his nose. “Why do I ask you for help, and the first thing that comes to your mind is calling the cops?”
“You… uh… you’ve killed anyone or gotten in a deadly fight?”
He hangs up the phone and bangs his head against his freezer. He’s doomed. He’s so doomed it’s not even fun anymore. His phone rings, and he sees it’s ShittyShima. He contemplates his options. One, he can ignore him and use Google, so far it has worked. Look at the flower and the tank thing… Two, he can pick it up, and since Kiri does know him, he can actually get some more personalized advice.
He picks it up. “SOOOORRY! I swear, Baku, that my intentions were pure and manly. I should have never doubted you. Please, please, let me help you. I feel so proud that you’ve decided to reach out to me and—”
“Would you shut the fuck up already?” He snaps. “You just gave me a headache, you dumb chatterbox.”
“Shit, uh, sorry, dude. What can I do for you?”
Katsuki drums his fingers over the counter. He can’t exactly tell him the truth…
“Uh… I met someone.” Kirishima’s squeal is so big he has to take his phone away from his ear. He gets bombarded with a ton of questions, so he hangs up again.
This was a bad idea. He should have used Google and called it a day. His phone rings again.
He picks it up and barks as a greeting, “If you ever fucking pull that shit again, I’ll blast you to the sun, got it?”
“Yes! I swear I’ll shut up and only open my mouth when you ask me,” he rushes in one breath.
That’s good enough, he guesses. “Okay… so, I, uh, I met someone… and I might have recently realized that maybe I like him more than just as a, uh, a friend.” Kiri coos and awws, which makes him hiss. That shuts him up. “Thing is, the fucker has asked me to do Valentin-”
“AAAAH! That’s good news! Baku dude, that means he likes you back! You need some ideas to romance him?”
“NO! Shut up, hair for brains! Jeez, that’s my problem.” He glances up, at the ceiling, and whispers, “he doesn’t know what Valentine’s day entails, like the whole romance part and I said yes cause, his eyes, and then I realized that I wanted to do Valentine’s like for real with him, but he doesn’t and now I don’t know what to do,” he rambles on.
Kirishima stays silent. “Dude… what the fuck? No, like for real. How can he not know what Valentine's is about? That’s like super basic.”
“He’s not from here,” he lies quickly.
“He’s foreign?” Kiri asks, surprised. “Uh… I didn’t know there was a country in the world that doesn’t know about Valentine’s Day.”
Fuck. Okay, a weird country Kiri has never even heard about, uh, that shouldn’t be that hard. He barely knows the names of the main cities of their own country, so… “Yeah, he’s from Tuvalu. It’s a small island in the Polynesia, anyway, they don’t celebrate it in the ocean, I mean, in the island.”
“Ohhh, an exotic boy.” If only you knew, Katsuki thinks. “Mmm, but Baku, if he knows about Valentine’s, surely it’s because someone has told him about it, right? Maybe you just need to like explain to him what it means, and then play coyly and be like so, you still want to do it with me? And see how he reacts. If he’s like, oh, sorry, bro didn’t know… then well, sorry, Baku. But hey, if he’s like, sure, I still want to do it with you, then you can call me for romantic dates.”
“Sounds reasonable, but I’ve already tried that. I told him that it was a festivity for couples.”
Kirishima laughs. “Then why are you so worried? Dude, then it’s fine. He likes y—”
“He said a couple means two, and we are two. Yes, he’s that dense.”
There’s silence on the other side of the line before Kirishima falls on the floor and starts to laugh so hard that it echoes all around his living room. He hangs up and turns the phone off.
Well, that was a waste of his time.
He feels as if he was walking on eggshells around Shouto. The merman has noticed, because even if he’s an airhead sometimes, he’s not that dumb… he’s actually pretty fucking intelligent. Okay, there, he has said it.
Fuck, one of the things Katsuki likes about him is how clever he actually is. It has taken him a month to learn how to read and write, and the letters he sends to him are pure poetry. Fucking damn it.
It’s three days until the cursed date, and he still has no idea what to do. He guesses he could buy some roses and chocolates to Shouto and then he should confess what the day actually means as Kirishima pointed to him and if Shouto is opposed to the idea he can play it as if he was just playing around, showing him a human tradition to its fullest, and if he’s not opposed… his cheeks heat and his heart squeezes at the idea.
Okay, okay…
Step 9. How to woo your merman
He buys a brand-new pair of swimming trunks, since he guesses that with Shouto, this is the closest he can get to wearing nice clothes. People do that on dates, right?
He then goes and buys the biggest bouquet of red roses… which turns out to be harder than he expected as more people have the same idea. Damn it.
Lastly, he fights over a horde of girls to get some nice chocolates… because they are mermaid-shaped. Fucking sue him. He even elbows a teenage girl and screams in victory as he gets them. He flips them off and sneers at all the women who eye him as he pays for them and leaves the shop. He does it with his head held high, he’s not ashamed. Maybe a little.
Shouto is happily humming and drawing on the top of his tank, and his eyes illuminate as he sees Katsuki.
“Welcome home! Today you were out for a long time, is everything alright?”
“Yeah... I just, uh, I needed to buy some shit and that,” he trails off, rubbing his nape.
Shouto’s eyes study him, and his smile widens as he stretches his hand towards him. “Swim with me?”
His heart melts. “Sure,” he whispers as he starts to undress.
He really can’t say no to him, uh? Stupid fish.
It’s Valentine’s Day. Well, it is. It’s already 1 AM, so technically, the 14th has already started. He glances at the tank and sees Shouto softly sleeping, tail curled as he rests on the bottom of the tank, body tucked between the pillows and the marimo balls. A small seaweed is tangled with his tail. It makes him chuckle. He tiptoes until he’s standing next to the tank and watches mesmerized the way Shouto’s gills close and open, the small bubbles coming from them, and the way his hair floats all around. He’s gorgeous. There’s no other way of saying it. Shouto is fucking gorgeous.
He takes his sketch pad and starts to draw him with the small illumination the lamppost next to his bedroom window offers him.
He realizes he has run out of pages as he finishes the first one, and his hands itch to keep drawing. Crap. He looks around and finds over 5 sketching pads completely filled with more Shoutos. Damn… has he drawn him that much? Ugh, he thinks he has one half-filled downstairs.
He curses as he can’t find it among his bookshelves. His book collection has increased exponentially thanks to the man upstairs, and when he finally does find it, he’s shivering from the cold. He rushes upstairs, so enthralled with reviewing his previous drawings that he doesn’t realize the merman is observing him, amused from the top of the tank, waiting for his return.
“I thought humans slept during the night.”
“FUCK!” He shrieks, hand over his chest. “Don’t fucking do that, Halfie!”
Shouto chuckles before he dives back into the water and swims as close to him as he can. His fingers press against the glass, and he smiles softly.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he explains, approaching him and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “You, uh, you looked calmed and I felt the itch to draw you so…” He shrugs and rubs his nose. This is ridiculous. The more he tries to explain his behavior, the worse he’s making it. Damn it.
The merman doesn’t seem to mind as his grin widens. He calls him inside the tank, and Katsuki does… but before he rushes downstairs and takes one single red rose. When morning comes, he will give him the whole bouquet, but for now, only one rose. Just as the moon is up, among the darkness, he will pretend that this is real, that Shouto feels the need to celebrate Valentine’s Day in the same way Katsuki wants to celebrate it with him.
He hides the rose behind his back and quickly pulls on his new swimming trunks with a soft smile. They are black with silver lines—like Shouto’s tail. The way the man’s eyes widen when he sees them makes Katsuki proud. He has noticed.
Shouto is waiting for him, and before he can open his mouth, Katsuki blushes and gives him the rose. “For you, happy—”
“Valentine’s Day,” finishes Shouto in a whisper. He takes the rose and leans forward until his wet lips touch Katsuki’s cheek.
His heart skips a beat, and his blood roars. He feels his head light, and he can’t do anything except take Shouto’s hand and dive into the warm water with him. Shouto pulls him against his body and sings softly, nuzzling his face against his neck.
Katsuki feels like crying. Fuck. He can’t do this. This hurts too much. If Shouto only knew how much he’s enjoying this, the way Katsuki is twisting his innocent touches as something more… he would probably push him away and tell him to stay the fuck away from him.
“Kats?” Shouto asks him. “Why are you so sad?”
“No reason,” he rasps, making Shouto frown. “Don’t worry about me, Halfie. Let’s just float here, okay?”
He follows his own suggestion, and Shouto dives before he keeps his body floating over his. Katsuki wants to protest, but Shouto whispers in his ear. “Sleep. I promise I won’t let you drown… please, this is the only way I can ever sleep next to you.” There’s something in his voice tone, something akin to longing.
No, that’s impossible. Katsuki is only projecting.
He clenches his teeth and tries to close his eyes and let sleep lure him back. But it’s useless. How can he? His back feels on fire as Shouto’s torso is touching him everywhere, his legs are resting over his tail, and his hands are tracing the skin on his navel. It’s too much.
“Shouto,” he croaks. “I think we should— Fuck,” he curses.
The merman chuckles. “Definitely, if you are up to it. But I thought a romantic guy like you would try to seduce me a little bit more before that.” He purrs against his neck.
Wait... WHAT?!
He moves so hastily that his body slides from Shouto’s, and he falls down into the water until his back hits the bottom of the tank. Shouto swims to him and smiles mischievously. Katsuki is speechless. He feels lost. What the fuck has just happened?
Shouto approaches him, and as he feels his lungs start to burn, Shouto kisses him. He takes his face between his hands and kisses Katsuki softly, just a peck of lips against lips, before he swims them above the surface. He pants and stares at him, bewildered.
“W-wait! I thought you… I thought you didn’t understand what Valentine’s meant?!”
Shouto blinks slowly and tilts his head, smirking, “It’s a couple’s festivity, right?” He approaches him, and Katsuki recoils until his back hits the glass of the tank. Shouto has him completely cornered and nuzzles his face against his neck… and then starts to lick and kiss his sensitive skin, nibbing it softly, making him moan unabashedly. “Kats… you aren’t subtle at all, you know? You bought me books and gave me an audiobook with free access to every single book I want to download. I’ve read romantic books. Erotic ones too. I know how humans court their mates. It’s not that different from how we do it, actually. And look at where we are.” He changes his attack to the opposite side of his neck. “You buy me flowers almost every other day. You cook for me. You adapted your house to me… building me a tank, and I bet that if you could, you would make a whole floor just for me.”
Wow, that’s not a bad idea… he could consider it.
Shouto chuckles and pulls away before he kisses him again in the mouth. This time, Katsuki is ready and kisses him back. Their lips move softly, and then he dares to open them. The warmth spreads wildly all around his body, and he tugs Shouto as close to him as he can. He feels like drowning.
He tugs the bicolored hair and moans as he wraps his legs around Shouto’s waist, rutting against him, wanting to fuse every inch of his body against the merman. Shouto’s nails scratch his back, and the pleasure, mixed with the slight pain, makes him lose all his inhibitions… not that he had any to begin with. His tongue slides inside Shouto’s mouth, and he fights for dominance as he tilts the man’s head back to get better access.
Shouto’s body arches, and as they dive inside the water, Katsuki freaks out a little until Shouto blows air into his mouth. Opening his eyes, he meets his and sees that they can barely withhold their amusement and fondness. He sees the small bubble rising up, coming from his gills, and smiles. Oh, that should be interesting…
He proves his theory by kissing him. Turns out you can kiss a merman underwater without drowning, as long as you stop a little and let him fill your lungs with the air he gets from the water. Interesting, really interesting.
Katsuki exploits that until their lips hurt from how swollen they are… they keep doing it for a little bit more. A little bit of pain is good for the soul after all.
“Are you done yet?”
Katsuki smiles softly as he keeps typing on his laptop. “No.”
…
“Are you done now?” Shouto whines.
Katsuki chuckles and shakes his head. “Nooo~” he singsongs teasingly.
Shouto huffs and curses. His eyes flicker up, and he sees him pouting, trying to make him feel bad. It’s not going to work. He keeps working, but crap… it has worked as he slams the laptop closed and strips off his t-shirt in a flash. He hears a giggle and then a splash. Motherfucker.
He’s always either wearing swimming trunks or simply goes in with his boxers… lately it’s the second option as the cloth is lighter and Shouto loves to grope his ass as much as Katsuki loves to be groped. Damn, it’s one of those things he wishes Shouto had. He’s sure the man’s ass would be spectacular, worthy of a penny bouncing and all that.
Shouto laughs as Katsuki dives into the water, and he’s greeted with an eager kiss and arms that drag him to the bottom of the tank. Damn, someone surely is eager. Alright, alright, he is eager too.
They kiss under the water until Katsuki draws back and swims up. Sliding his hair back, he narrows his eyes at Shouto. “I’ve work to do, you know?”
Shouto hums, and his fingers trail down his arm. “Yes, I know. I simply asked you when you were done.”
“No. You kept pestering me.”
“You pretty much jumped inside the tank, Kats.”
Katsuki clicks his tongue. “You trying to make me leave, Halfie?”
Shouto’s answer is to wrap his body around him and squeeze him tightly. “You are not going anywhere!”
Katsuki laughs softly and ruffles his hair. “Damn, someone is needy.”
“Takes one to know one,” Shouto whispers against his lips.
He can’t deny it. He has even asked Shouto if it’s true that their kin can bewitch humans, because otherwise he can’t explain how addicted he has become to him. He can’t stop thinking about him, he can’t stop touching him, he can’t stop kissing him… Luckily for him, Shouto is in the same spot as he is.
It sure feels good to be needed and wanted as much as Shouto seems to want him.
Their lips meet again, and they kiss lazily, smiling softly as they spin around the water… until his bell rings. Wincing, he draws away. He waits, but whoever it is, they are insistent as fuck as they keep ringing the bell non-stop.
“Who the fuck is it?!” He curses. “Damn fool seems to have got their fucking finger stuck on the motherfucking thing!”
Shouto snorts and kisses his neck. “Mmmh, if I pull you underwater, you won’t hear anything…” and so he does.
They sink underwater, and Shouto’s warm mouth swallows his. It’s all wonderful until he hears the unmistakable shrilling voice of Kirishima coming from downstairs. He bolts up the water and quickly climbs over the edge of the tank, falling with a painful thud.
“BAKUGOU! There you are!”
He rushes towards his voice as he’s climbing the stairs, crawling and wincing as he pretty much tackles his friend downstairs, so he can’t see Shouto or the tank.
As soon as he has recovered his breath, he bellows, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHY THE FUCK HAVE YOU ENTERED MY HOUSE WHEN IT’S CLEAR AS FUCK THAT I DIDN’T WANT TO OPEN MY FUCKING DOOR!!!!”
Kirishima is shocked. Katsuki is well known to have a short temper, but right now, he’s truly furious, and his aura is totally murder like. He’s freaking out. If someone finds out about Shouto… NO. He won’t allow it. There is no way he can allow someone come close to him. He would never forgive himself if they took him away from him to experiment on him in some fucking lab or…
I don’t want to lose him.
Kirishima tries to talk with him, but he doesn’t care. He’s hyperventilating as he crawls back, shielding his stairs from Kiri and growling at the redhead whenever he tries to come close.
“GET OUT!” He roars.
“Dude… I’m not. Uh, are you okay? Look, I’m leaving, ok? I was just worried because you have been secluded here and we haven’t seen you for months and—”
“GET OUT!”
Kirishima raises his hands. “Okay, okay! I’m just worried. Even you need human contact. You need to talk with someone. Being lonely—”
He starts to laugh at that. “Lonely?” He sneers. “I was fucking fine until you came around. I’m not alone, Kirishima. I haven’t been alone in months.”
That makes his friend stop, his eyes glance upstairs before he lets go a tiny, “Oh. Oh, fuck. Dude!” Then he whispers, “he’s upstairs! The guy you called me about… he’s upstairs and you, uh, you don’t want me to see him. Why?” Kirishima narrows his eyes. “Is he like married or—?”
Katsuki has had enough. He pushes Kirishima out of his front door. “Why? Just tell me why the first things that come up to your fucking stupid brain are the worst possible scenarios I could be into!”
Kirishima seems annoyed. “DUDE! I told you, I’m worried about you. Bakugou, stop!” Kirishima grunts and pins him against a wall. “Why are you wet? You don’t have a shower upstairs.” He eyes the beams in his living room. “And why are those there? Look, the way you are behaving isn’t manly at all. You spend months in absolute radio silence, you don’t talk to anyone, you don’t pick up your phone, you keep ditching us… are you depressed? Is someone really upstairs, or have you gone mad?”
He punches him. “GET OUT! Shouto is not a delusion! I’m not fucking schizophrenic!”
Kirishima frowns. “Then why are you keeping him a secret?! If he’s your boyfriend, dude, I’m wounded. You know I don’t mind that he’s a guy. The only reason why you’d keep it a secret is because something is wrong…”
He’s going to yell at him again when Shouto’s voice comes from upstairs.
“It’s okay, Katsuki. He can come…”
“NO!”
He runs to his stairs and defends them with his fists up, ready for a fight. He doesn’t want anyone to come upstairs because he knows it. He knows the second someone pops their bubble, he’ll have to face the reality: he’s a human, Shouto is a merman. Their love story is impossible.
Ten minutes later, two busted lips and a bloody nose, his bubble is blown up to smithereens as Kirishima stares at Shouto, who shyly waves at him from his tank. Kirishima passes out, and Katsuki has to drag his heavy ass to his bed, cursing what he supposes is his best friend.
Thirty minutes later, after Kirishima listens to the whole story, he asks the question Katsuki has denied himself to surface out of his heart and mind: “So when spring comes, you are going to release him back into the ocean?”
Tears fall down his cheeks as he quickly stands up and leaves his room to lock himself in the bathroom downstairs. He ignores Kirishima and Shouto as he tries to hold the remaining pieces of his shattered heart together.
He knew he would eventually have to face reality… he just wanted to delay it for as long as possible.
This is why he keeps people at arm's length. It hurts.
Feelings hurt so fucking much.
Things between him and Shouto are strained. He can see the merman wants to talk with him about it, but whenever he tries to, he quickly veers the topic. He knows he can’t keep it up much longer, but damn if he’s not going to try to.
He’s working on his latest project and can’t concentrate. Shouto isn’t annoying him, asking him to give him attention. That breaks him. He wishes the merman wouldn’t stop nagging him about how much longer he has to wait… he hasn’t asked him to swim in his tank anymore. He misses it. He’s so pathetic that last night he filled the bathtub downstairs and cried as he got in, imagining Shouto’s arms where the ones embracing him, rather than his own.
He realizes he’s crying again as a teardrop falls into his keyboard. Goddamn it. He quickly wipes away his cheeks and, trying to get a grip on himself, he starts to type the stupid email with his work proposal to the company that has hired him. Their color scheme is a mess, he guesses he should start there, and then the font type. Comic Sans? Please, that’s so offensive to the eyes and—
A paper plane lands on his bed. He stares at it, shocked, and then looks up. Shouto’s back is facing him, as he’s sitting against the tank glass, the closest to him. With shaky hands, he picks up the letter and prepares himself to get his heart blasted into ashes.
Dear Katsuki,
Since you won’t talk with me or listen to what I have to say, I guess I’ve no other option than write you and hope that at least you'll read this.
Katsuki, you should apologize to your friend. He was worried about you, and he was right. I’m afraid I’ve been extremely selfish as I’ve kept you away from everyone else. I’m sorry. You’re a wonderful person, and it’s pretty obvious why others would love to spend time with you.
Please, I can only hope you mend your relationships with your friends. Please, do it. For me?
Which brings me to my second point. I’ve always known I couldn’t stay here forever. When you got me the tank, I considered it for a second… and I felt good. You’ve made sure that I have everything that I need, and you are always here, ready to keep me company. Thank you for that.
I’m not sure if now I’m getting into a dangerous territory, but from the way you cry every night, I’m going to be the one who says it, and if you don’t feel the same, then just skip the rest of the letter, ok?
I don’t want to leave you.
I want to be with you for the rest of my life. For everything that I deem worth, you are my mate. My boyfriend/husband, I think it’s called in the human world.
I love you, and nothing makes me sadder than the idea that we can’t be together. I’ve wondered if there is a way for us to be together, and I’m afraid there’s none. According to your books, there are witches who can make my tail become a pair of legs or yours a tail. I’m afraid that’s not possible. Sorry. Unless you know a witch inland, sea witches do not exist.
I have an idea, and I’d like to run it with you. I got it based on the story of Hades and Persephone. You see… she spends half her time with her husband and half with her mother. If you are willing to, we could do it like that.
If you feel the same as I do, you could trust me to come back and every winter and autumn I could live in this tank, with you… And during summer and spring, you could live with me in the ocean in one of those small human boats.
Without fishing, please.
Is that possible? Are you willing to do it?
Katsuki doesn’t read the rest of the letter as he runs to the tank and quickly dives into the water, pulling Shouto in a searing kiss.
The merman was crying too, and as soon as Katsuki breaks the kiss, Shouto engulfs him into another one.
When they get to the surface, he beams, still crying, but this time from happiness, and asks Katsuki, “Does this mean you like my idea?”
“Dumbass… do you have an idea of how much this tank has cost me? It’s an inversion, and you can bet your damn tail I want it to amortize it and see results… You'd better keep using it for years.”
Epilogue
Katsuki isn’t sure if he’s ever going to get used to the soft rocking of the boat or the awful internet connection it offers.
He’s cursing as he’s trying for the third time to send the stupid email when he hears the soft tapping on the wood.
He stands up and grins automatically as he sees Shouto and his brother, Natsuo, on the bow of the ship, waiting for him. Shouto is beaming too, and Katsuki can’t help but stare at the small pearls and seaweed he has on his hair, braiding it in a perfect updo, which he knows Fuyumi must be responsible for.
“Oh, please, don’t stop on my account,” Natsuo says dryly. “Jeez, I’ll leave you two to it. See you tomorrow, Shouto, Katsuki,” he says before he swims away.
“Bye,” both reply offhand, their eyes still connected.
“How was work?” Shouto asks him, stretching a hand up.
Katsuki takes it and pulls him into the boat. “Boring as always. If I didn’t know you would leave me, I’d have dumped my laptop into the ocean along with the router. Internet is fucked up as always.”
“Please, restrain yourself from dumping trash in the water, Katsuki.”
Katsuki huffs. “It’s not trash. It’s a trashy laptop… but not trash.”
He kisses Shouto softly as they lie on the wooden deck. He licks away the droplets of water, and Shouto smiles at him.
“How was your day, baby?” He asks him.
Shouto hums. “The crabs chased Touya. It was his fault, he provoked them. It was kind of fun to watch until Fuyumi told us to help.”
“Did you?” Katsuki asks with a frown.
Shouto grins. “Oh well, you know me. She said to help… but she never specified to whom I had to help.”
Katsuki guffaws. “God, I love you.”
“I love you too,” Shouto mumbles as they kiss again, the sunset covering them in hues of orange.
Just like the previous day and the day before that. Just like tomorrow will happen and so on, until the water gets too cold, and Katsuki will call Kirishima to drive them back to his house, to Shouto’s new migration point: Katsuki’s home.
But for now, they are going to enjoy the soft breeze of the ocean and the lulling sound of the waves, hitting Katsuki’s spring/summer residence.
[fin.]