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If there was one thing that Essek understood, it was that Time is a fickle friend.
Obviously, he had a modicum of control over it through his specialty, but it was a relationship built on equal parts fear and respect, and more often than not, the feel of it slipping through his fingers was enough to keep him on his guard.
There was an hourglass on a pedestal in the corner of the dining hall in the summoned wizard’s tower, and Essek’s eyes trailed to it every few minutes while the rest of the Nein around him ate their meal amidst loud and gleeful conversation.
Veth had pulled out her crossbow and was vaguely threatening Fjord with it over a stolen bread roll while Beau was challenging Yasha to a some sort of drinking contest, seemingly to the disapproval of all of the cats who were carting in the alcohol.
A small smile tugged at the corner of Essek’s lips as he surveyed the familiar chaos at the dining room table.
The Mighty Nein as they always were - never ones to care too much about something as trivial as the passage of Time.
“You look far away.”
Essek blinked and turned his attention to the man seated next to him, allowing the smile to make an appearance as he looked at Caleb.
“Apologies. I let my mind wander,” he said, and brought a cup of wine up to his lips.
“Somewhere pleasant, I hope.”
Essek shook his head once and let out a breath.
“Not more pleasant than here.”
Caleb’s head ducked at his words, and a light blush seemed to play across his features, creating yet another moment that Essek wished he could freeze forever.
“Oh, I’m sure there are many more pleasant places for Herr Thelyss to imagine himself to be,” Caleb said, his voice softer than the more abrasive yelling match that was happening to their right as Jester had become loudly involved in refereeing the drinking contest and was attempting to convince Caduceus to do the same.
Essek’s eyes dragged across Caleb’s face, studying the features there more intently than he ever had any book or spell scroll, despite having every inch of his face memorized by this point.
“None that I can think of,” he replied, looking away as Caleb returned the smile.
“How much time do you have left with us before you have to leave again?” Caleb asked, and it seemed like an attempt at being unassuming, but Essek noted the slightly stronger Zemnian accent that persisted in his words when he was nervous.
Essek’s attention was once again pulled to the hourglass in the corner.
Oh, to stay forever with them.
With him.
“There is still time yet,” Essek said. “I wouldn’t worry.”
“Caleb! Essek!”
Essek was jostled from the moment as Jester shook some coins in front of his face.
“Do you guys want in? We’re taking bets!”
Cups were slammed down onto the table in unison as both Beau and Yasha finished another drink with a loud roar.
“On who will win?” Essek set his own goblet of wine down. “Isn’t Beauregard immune to alcohol poisoning?”
Thankfully, Caleb interrupted the immediate protests from Yasha as he stood and cleared his throat.
“Essek bets ten gold on Beau and I’ll bet the same on Yasha - but you’ll have to inform us of the winner in the morning.” Caleb lowered his voice. “Essek, could I speak with you in private for a moment?”
Essek did his best to stamp down the feeling that was bubbling up inside of him as he nodded and stood, ignoring the coos and whoops sent in their direction from a few choice members of the group.
“Oh yes, I’m sure discussing dunamantic spell components will be very enticing,” Caleb said, but was so dry as he spoke that Essek wasn’t sure if he meant it or not.
“Fjord can spell my components any night,” Jester yelled back, and Essek was pretty sure he could hear the sound of Fjord choking on something as Caleb began to lead him away from the table.
And then there was a knock at the tower door.
A knock, such a simple action, yet one that burst this small bubble - this moment he had to himself.
“Is someone here?” Veth asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought the tower door was invisible?”
“Perhaps -” Caleb started, his eyes glancing at Essek, “- perhaps it is someone who can see through illusions? But why -”
“I will go check,” Essek said, grasping his hands under his cloak to stop the small tremor that had begun. “Stay here.”
“But -”
“I’ll be fine.” Essek gazed at Caleb intently. “Don’t worry.”
And with that, Essek began to float down to the entryway, trying to keep his heartbeat at a normal rate.
This was fine.
It must be a mistake.
Just someone who stumbled upon an invisible doorway and decided to make their presence known.
In all honesty, it sounded like something one of The Mighty Nein would do.
Essek put a hand on the doorknob, took a breath, and opened the door.
What greeted him wasn’t a rendition of Lucien, or Ikithon, or any sort of monstrous being trying to bring about the apocalypse again - what greeted him was far worse.
Standing against the familiar drab stone of Essek’s own home in Rosohna, was an old firbolg.
He was wearing his signature teals and greens, and even though he was well into his four hundreds by this point, he’d kept up the bright pink hair he must’ve gotten used to.
He didn’t wear armor anymore, but he still had the wooden staff clutched in one hand, though it looked more like a walking stick than a weapon at his age.
Essek stared up at the tall, gaunt figure, no words daring to leave his open mouth.
“Hello, Essek,” Caduceus said, smiling down at him. “How are you doing?”
“What are you doing here?”
It came out harsher than he’d meant, but right now this conversation was the only thing standing in the way of going back inside the tower to be with his friends.
If Caduceus heard the tone in his voice he made no acknowledgement of it.
“The Bright Queen reached out to me, if you can believe it. She. . . well, she mentioned you might be in need . . . of a friend.”
Essek’s fists clenched under his mantle.
“I’m fine.”
Caduceus’s face seemed to brighten as he glanced behind Essek.
“I - wow. Is that The Tower?”
Essek swallowed and nudged the door closed a few more inches so it was harder to see the interior.
“Ah, it’s -”
“Essek?” Caleb’s voice rang out from the second floor of the tower. “Is everything alright?”
Essek could barely meet Caduceus’s stare as he watched his eyes grow wide understanding.
“Oh, Essek -”
“Everything’s fine!” Essek called back. “Be there in a moment!”
“Are. . .we all there?”
“Caduceus, I -”
“Are we servants?”
“No! They’re - you’re not servants -”
“But that’s how the spell would interpret -”
“It’s not like that.”
Essek was breathing hard, and Caduceus seemed to take note of it as his face fell to something akin to pity.
“Don’t,” Essek said, his voice biting.
“Essek . . . I know what grief can be like -”
“I said don’t.”
Caduceus’s shoulders dropped as he tilted his head.
“Essek -”
“Just let me have this,” Essek said, the malice in his voice ebbing away. “Please. Just. Let me have this.”
Caduceus said nothing as Essek shut the door the rest of the way, cutting Caduceus off from his own small world inside the tower, and pressed his back against the doorframe.
“I’ll be here when the spell ends.”
The words were muted from behind the door, but Essek still heard them just as loudly as he heard the grains of sand fall from hourglass.
Time had always been a fickle friend.
“Everything alright?”
Caleb was floating down to greet him, and the transparency of his form had never been more apparent, though it was easier to ignore when the falseness of everything he’d made hadn’t just been pointed out by an outsider.
Essek let out a breath and forced a smile.
“Everything’s fine. You had something you wanted to discuss?”
***
Essek stared at Caleb while he slept opposite him on the bed. The lights were low, which made the transparency harder to discern.
He was just Caleb.
“I miss you,” Essek whispered, and reached out to brush the hair away from his face, but his hand went right through the apparition.
“I haven’t gone anywhere, liebling,” Caleb mumbled, and shifted slightly as Essek withdrew his hand.
Essek stared at Caleb’s sleeping form until the spell ran out.
***
No longer was he on a plush bed with soft sheets underneath him - instead there was the cold stone floor in the living space of his home. There was no tower, there was no Caleb, and there was no Mighty Nein.
Essek sat up and saw Caduceus, leaning on his staff and studying him with sadness in his eyes, just as he’d promised.
“Well?” Essek said, shifting to lean back against a wall for support. “Say your piece.”
Caduceus cocked his head to the side with a confused frown.
“My piece?”
“ Yes -” Essek began gesturing with his hands, clasping them, running them up his arms like Caleb used to do, “- about how this isn’t healthy . About how I’m deluding myself by casting this spell as often as I am able. How I’m refusing to confront my grief and would rather wallow in denial simply because I can. How I’m ignoring all of my responsibilities in favor of watching the sands of an hourglass slip by and drive myself insane hoping that maybe this time they’ll freeze in place. I can’t accept that they’re gone and it’s eating me from the inside out because they’re some of the only friends I’ve ever had and while they’re all better people than me, I’m the one who outlives them all. How is that fair?”
Essek gasped for breath and ran a hand through his hair, gripping tightly.
“I used to thrive in loneliness. I’ve been ruined.”
A silence stretched in the room between them, and a new guilt struck.
“And you, Caduceus, of course. You’re here, too. I - I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you through all of this. I've always been selfish - even in their deaths. I thought there was a chance I could - but then Caleb - when he - I just -”
The words died in his throat before he could finish them, and he wasn’t even sure what they were intended to be. An apology, yes. An explanation perhaps, but how do you explain something you yourself don’t understand fully?
Caduceus still said nothing, just stared back.
“Well, Gravemaster?” Essek rasped, almost managing a laugh. “This is usually when you say something profoundly wise.”
Instead, Caduceus walked slowly towards him, lowered himself down to lean on the same wall as Essek and let out a long sigh.
“I miss them too,” Caduceus said, and the hitch in his voice was what finally broke Essek.
He leaned his head onto his friend’s shoulder and began to cry.