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The idol laid her head down on her desk in defeat. The day had already gotten the better of her, and she hadn't even gotten to lunch yet. Lately that had been the case. Heh, lately… More like months on end by this point. Coming home absolutely drunk wasn't exactly the best thing in the world for her either. Especially so late...anyone could have followed her home. At least the bartender was nice, from what she could remember…which right now, she couldn't remember a lot. That would change as the day went on. Maybe. Sometimes just by thinking over the night, Kira was more prone to regain memories of events that had transpired. Like how the hell she actually got home in the first place, because she had no damn clue. At least she was safe.
Jane? Jenny? No. Jill? Jill. That seemed right in the lilim's head. She'd go with Jill and hope that she was right. If not, well then what did it matter, she was drunk. Now that the name was all set and done and she felt silly that she even forgot the name in the first place, now Kira could sit in bed and feel...sorry about herself. Blegh… It was something she was so used to doing as of late. As the idol stood up and moved from chair to bed, she'd flop down and give a sigh. When did things become so dull, anyway? So bland, so uninteresting, so...nevermind. Thinking of words to fit that made her headache even worse than it already was. Who's dumb idea was it to give her the ability to have things like that? Shame on them. Someone who was part cyborg shouldn't have had to worry about things like pain and such. Then again, she was made to be as human-like as possible. Guess that was the unfortunate part to something like that. Being a lilim was a blessing and a curse.
Kira would lay down in bed, spending a few minutes getting comfy. What she wouldn't give for a nap right now. Sleeping was something she was doing more and more lately. At first, the rest was nice. Feeling refreshed when she woke up and all. But now, it was more like she just never wanted to get out of bed in the first place. Nothing felt normal anymore, not like it did when she first started her career. Days like this is when she really noticed it, unfortunately. Thinking about it made her remember more bits and pieces of last night. Especially spilling her guts out to the poor bartender when she didn't even ask about it. Did Jill ask about it? Too late now, she supposed. Of course, her thoughts were momentarily halted when she heard a knock on the door. Probably some fan or something like that. As endearing as it was, all the lilim wanted was time to herself right now. Although it would make her feel bad later on tonight, she'd get up to answer the door and shoo the person away.
Shame. They seemed nice enough (You know, as nice as a stalker could be). Told her that they had pretty much went all around trying to look for her. The information made it even harder to turn him away, but she found the strength to do so. Giving him a wave and shutting the door, there was a shake of her head. Even meeting people didn't feel the same anymore. There was no connection, no joy. There was no point. How did people go about their life every day so happy and carefree and able to just be themselves?
Right. That wasn't the case for everyone. Learned that last night, too. Some people felt the same way she did. Horrible, really...couldn't imagine it, especially if they were worse off than her. No offense, of course. Not everyone could be given the career position she was in. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Thinking about it that way was…
Wasn't healthy. She knew it wasn't. There was no point in making her problems lesser just because someone else had the same issues as she did. It was counter productive and just down right idiotic. However, it did get the gears in her head turning once more. In a literal sense, too. Heh. She was an idol to thousands, maybe even millions of people. If people could relate to her on this personal level, then maybe she could help uplift them the only way she knew how.
Writing never came easy. Some days it was a whole two-week process just to get one line down. This, right here, was the easiest thing that she had ever gotten together since she started her little journey. It was personal, and it meant so, so much to her. Of course, it needed to be tweaked, no surprises there, but after hours and hours of just letting her thoughts flow, she couldn't have been happier with the end results. And for the first time in a long time, she felt like herself again. Kira felt like she could do anything, help anyone, and just be on top of the world. God, did she miss it so much. Sure, it would be temporary, but she'd hold onto this feeling for as long as she could, until she had to search for it again.
Maybe that was the key. Figuring out what to do in order to bring out that side of her again. It was nice…hell, it even made her feel motived throughout the whole day. The feeling lasted for what seemed like forever.
Until...it didn't. Unfortunately, all things pass. Even temporary happiness. One day she woke up feeling as she did before the newfound information. Lost, empty, and like there was just this part of her that was missing. Much like before, she didn't know what to do to fix it either. Getting drunk at the bar was absolutely not an option again. Made Kira feel like absolute shit when she actually came to. But. Well...visiting wouldn't be so bad. It had been a little while after all. Some insight on what to do may be the thing she needs to kick herself back into gear once more. From what she could gather, Jill was pretty good about telling things how it is, while still giving some insight on what to do. Part of that personality the bartender had made the idol envious. Just a tad.
Even so, Kira still worried that perhaps this was just how life was. Filled with moments of temporary joy, only to be snatched away right from under one's nose. Ah, if that was the case? She'd spend all her life chasing it down, and helping others do the same thing, too. No one deserved to feel this way, especially those who worked as hard as she did. Everyone deserves to have something in their life that makes them truly happy. Even if just for a short while.
You'll find it again. Don't worry.