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Anakin feels himself shutting down before he can even attempt to make himself stop it from happening, feels that itching, gnawing sensation that tells him to leave, right now. He had been doing fine at this Senate gala for a while, had interacted with a respectable number of politicians, and had acted as charismatic and charming as he could manage tonight. But this week has been harder than usual, has left him utterly drained and wrung-out, and he yearns for time to himself with some peace and quiet.
He has to tough it out for now though, because he has a duty to do.
But that doesn't stop the fact that he's antsy and uncomfortable here, feeling both hyper-aware of where he stands and yet also like he's looking at his surroundings through a thick fog. Panic starts to rise in him as he looks around and can't see Obi-Wan anywhere near him, which makes him feel a bit lost and untethered without a comfortingly familiar face at his side.
He thinks he says something in parting to the senator who he's been talking to, but he isn't quite sure; he just knows that he walks in an almost-daze until he reaches the outskirts of the big ballroom. Anakin grips his mechno-hand with his flesh one, feeling the leather beneath his skin in an instinctive calming gesture and tracing the familiar texture with his fingers, but it isn't nearly enough at this moment to truly help him.
He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do.
Even with the amount of times this happens, it still catches him unawares and disoriented, and it's never a fun time. It's especially not good in public, where a HoloNet journalist could be lurking around the corner waiting for the Hero With No Fear to have a meltdown. It's hard to use the Force well in these moments too, because he can't quite concentrate properly with every one of his senses being overloaded, but he thinks he might relay his feelings to Obi-Wan in some way now. Regardless, Obi-Wan finally finds him, looking gently concerned and staying a comfortable enough distance from where Anakin is practically shrinking away from everything around him.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan says softly, and oh, Anakin feels emotional at Obi-Wan's voice, at how he just wants to make Obi-Wan's soothing tone tangible so he can wrap himself in it like a weighted blanket. "Are you alright?" Anakin drags his eyes up from where they've been trained on the floor, and tries to meet Obi-Wan's gaze. He quickly lowers his eyes again after a brief glance though. That's too much right now. He feels a flicker of shame, a rise from the part of his brain that calls himself weak, as he shakes his head at Obi-Wan's question.
"Alright, thank you for telling me, Anakin," Obi-Wan says calmly, like it's just the two of them here and they've got all the time in the galaxy. Anakin feels himself relaxing minutely, not feeling quite so tense now. "Can you give me a number?"
Anakin thinks for a moment before raising his left hand and displaying four fingers. For this check-in system of theirs, which makes it easier for Anakin to categorize how he's feeling, four means pretty bad, right between probably manageable and the worst. Four usually means it's going to only get harder before it's going to get better, and that it's preferable to exit the situation as soon as he can, because the only thing that his mind can focus on now is how helpless he's feeling.
"Do you need us to leave?" Obi-Wan asks, with no judgement in his voice at all. Anakin hesitates, worrying for a moment about abandoning the event, and even though this isn't a mission and there are other Jedi here, he still feels a bit guilty. Panic bubbles up in him once more as the feeling of he doesn't know what to do returns, but then Obi-Wan is reaching out to settle a hand on Anakin's shoulder, a comforting, grounding weight. "It's fine if you do, Anakin."
Anakin finally nods his head in what feels like surrender, and Obi-Wan squeezes his shoulder gently before letting his hand fall away. "Okay. How about you sit down over there while I get us permission to go?" Obi-Wan offers, motioning towards an empty table near them. Anakin just mutely nods again, barely aware of what he's doing and what's going on around him as he sits down heavily on one of the chairs.
Obi-Wan quickly returns with a glass of water for him, and then leaves once more with an assurance that he'll be back soon. Anakin's knee jiggles up and down as he drinks the water for lack of anything else to do, though it feels hard to swallow. He doesn't even realize that he's digging his nails into the meat of his thigh hard enough to hurt until Obi-Wan returns again.
"Hey," Obi-Wan says softly, but with a hint of command, and he picks up Anakin's hand to stop him. Anakin feels slightly chagrined, but Obi-Wan just grips his hand to help him stand up and sends comforting love washing over him through their bond, but still not enough to be overwhelming. "We can go home now," Obi-Wan tells him, and Anakin exhales shakily in relief. He lets Obi-Wan lead them out of the hall, still barely aware of their surroundings, until they make it to their speeder.
Obi-Wan drives them back to the Temple, the wind rushing past them grounding Anakin a bit more, and to have that sensation on his skin makes him feel more aware of everything around him again. But the short trip is still a blur, and soon they're back home and walking the nearly-empty halls to their quarters. He immediately strips himself of the parts of his clothing that are making him uncomfortable once they're inside: the heavy drape of his cloak, the tightness of his belt and sash, and the pinch of his leather boots.
"'M gonna shower," he says, the first words he's said in a while, and they're heavy on his tongue. He feels like he's crawling out of his skin and needs to wash and scrub everything away from tonight as soon as possible, to be able to feel like himself again.
"Alright, dear one," Obi-Wan responds while hanging up his own cloak, and the endearment makes Anakin melt just a little as always. "Do you want me to come in with you?" Anakin considers the offer for a moment, but then shakes his head. Any other time he would probably say yes, but right now he doesn't want to appear anymore vulnerable in front of Obi-Wan, and needs to be alone for a time.
"I'll make the bed all nice and cozy for once you come out, then," Obi-Wan says with a gentle smile. "You know I'm here if you need anything." Anakin manages a small smile in response, feeling incredibly grateful for Obi-Wan's unwavering support and acceptance, and goes to fetch his sleep clothes and a towel.
Once he's in the 'fresher, he gets undressed and into the shower as quickly as possible, not wanting to let himself pace the length of the room and get lost in thought as he too often does, especially when getting stuck in his head right now might make him feel a lot worse. The bright light overhead makes everything a bit difficult on his eyes, but at least inside the shower it's a little darker. He lets himself go through the familiar steps of his shower routine with more thought and care than usual, trying to be present in this moment and out of his thoughts, focusing on just this task alone.
Anakin massages shampoo into his scalp, runs conditioner through his curls, and soaps up his body, and before long he's rinsed off and shivering as he steps out of the shower and wraps the towel around him. The comfortableness of his sleep clothes is instantly soothing as he dries off and puts them on, and his exhaustion now starts to catch up with him.
He's feeling a bit soft and sleepy, at least as long as he doesn't dwindle on his ever-present intrusive thoughts too long, so he doesn't even hesitate to accept the fruit that Obi-Wan offers him when he steps out of the 'fresher. Anakin doesn't particularly feel like eating, but somewhere in the back of his mind he recognizes that he probably should eat a little. The encouraging smile that Obi-Wan gives him in response makes it worth it anyway.
He eats the bite-sized cubes of soft, mild fruit out of the bowl Obi-Wan hands to him while Obi-Wan tidies up the kitchen from the day, trying to make the sensation of the food on his tongue ground him all the more. Anakin doesn't really feel like drinking yet either, but he still forces down a big gulp of water from the glass on the counter. Obi-Wan takes his empty bowl and puts it in the sink when he's done.
"Would you like to get into bed now?" Obi-Wan asks, and Anakin nods gratefully. Obi-Wan smiles again and follows Anakin into their bedroom, carrying Anakin's glass of water for him and setting it on the nightstand. Anakin feels warm at the sight before him, as Obi-Wan has turned the lamp on for a soft golden glow that fills the room, and he has piled all of Anakin's favorite blankets and pillows on the bed with fresh sheets, making everything seem even cozier than usual.
Anakin gets into bed on his usual side and immediately curls up, burying his face in one of the soft blankets for a moment. Obi-Wan sits down beside him, a respectable distance still between them that Anakin appreciates right now. "Would you like to be touched?" Obi-Wan asks softly, and Anakin tilts his head towards him in invitation.
"Hair," Anakin replies simply, and Obi-Wan smiles in thanks. Then one of his hands is carefully caressing through Anakin's damp curls, and Anakin sighs in satisfaction. He's still a little tense and on edge, but he welcomes Obi-Wan's gentle touch, letting it try and soothe him. He has his mental shields up so that everything can stay calm and quiet in his head for now, a bubbling brook rather than a roaring river. Otherwise he'd be too overly sensitive in the Force at the moment, would be practically engulfed by everything being fed to him through stimulation that feels like raw scrapes and burns against his senses, instead of the usual lull and control of feeling so intimately connected to everything around him.
"Want to watch something?" Obi-Wan asks, reaching over to get the remote for the holoprojector from the nightstand with his free hand, and then holding it out to him. Anakin nods and takes it, before using it to turn on the projector. He finds a holovid about droid mechanics that he's watched too many times, and that Obi-Wan is definitely not interested in, but the familiarity of it is comforting. Obi-Wan doesn't complain, just sits and combs through Anakin's hair with his fingers while Anakin watches the video on low volume, letting himself zone out a bit since he knows this pretty much by heart.
Anakin digs through the pile of blankets at his side and finds what he's looking for, one of Obi-Wan's old robes that Anakin's used as a comfort blanket for a long time. He's always a little embarrassed to have Obi-Wan see him use it, but Obi-Wan assures him he finds it endearing. Anakin cuddles up with the robe and his flesh hand naturally finds the corner where he rhythmically rubs his fingertips against the soft fabric, which is worn from habitual use, the action comforting in a way he can't describe.
As the video wears on, Anakin relaxes more, feeling soft and calm and small in this moment. It makes him feel okay. He also starts to crave more of Obi-Wan's touch now, feels like he would be able to handle it without feeling like squirming out of his skin. He reaches out for Obi-Wan's hand and Obi-Wan obliges, and Anakin holds his hand in the space between them on the bed, running his thumb over the familiar lines of Obi-Wan's palm.
The holovid ends after a little over half a standard hour, and then Anakin turns off the holoprojector, finally ready for something more. He turns on his side and cuddles closer to Obi-Wan, snuggling into his warm body and breathing him in. Obi-Wan immediately wraps his arm around him, hesitating to make sure it's okay, and Anakin replies by tucking his head into the crook of Obi-Wan's shoulder and neck. He pulls Anakin closer and squeezes his hand gently, and Anakin lets himself relax and soften up in Obi-Wan's arms, let's himself be cradled in Obi-Wan's love and comfort.
"My sweet boy," Obi-Wan murmurs against his head, leaving a kiss atop his messy curls. Somehow that's the catalyst that spurs on the tears that have been waiting for the opportunity to finally be shed, and Anakin cannot stop the hot teardrops that start to fall down his cheeks even if he tries. He buries his head in Obi-Wan's tunic and holds onto him tightly as he shakes in Obi-Wan's grasp, crying hard as all his emotions and feelings of the last week finally flow out of him. Obi-Wan simply continues to hold him and hum soothingly, letting Anakin get everything out until his eyes hurt and his chest is aching.
"Sorry—sorry for being so difficult all the time, you don't deserve me always being a problem and holding you back. It's not fair to you, Master," Anakin finally says, his voice miserable and also a bit pitiful as he struggles to breathe through his stuffy nose. He can't see Obi-Wan's face, but Obi-Wan kisses him firmly on the head a few times and lets his side of their bond envelop Anakin like a cloak made up of his love for him.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan says, as gentle as ever, but with a hint of a tone that warns Anakin to listen to him closely. "You are not a burden. I will always want to take care of you if I can, and you are absolutely not weak for needing that help sometimes. You are very strong and brave, and I'm so proud of you for everything you've done this week. I know you've worked incredibly hard and that it's been difficult, but you made it. And now we can be here together." Fresh tears well up in Anakin's eyes because of how emotional he still is, but this time it's caused by how sweet Obi-Wan is instead of by his own sadness.
Obi-Wan gently coaxes Anakin's head out from where he's tucked against Obi-Wan so that they can see each other properly now, and the softness in Obi-Wan's beautiful eyes is almost too much to bear, is like looking into a sun. Obi-Wan smiles at him and cups his cheek with one hand, before he leans in to carefully kiss away Anakin's tears with tiny little pecks. It makes Anakin giggle despite himself, a sound built up out of excess adrenaline and emotion and pure love.
"I love you so much, dear one," Obi-Wan murmurs, and the way he can look at Anakin with such open and earnest fondness makes Anakin's heart ache. Obi-Wan closes the short distance between them to give him a sweet, chaste kiss. Anakin cannot help but smile, and it's wider and more genuine than it's been for a while.
Saying the responding words comes easily to him, because his love for Obi-Wan is as certain and true as anything, as true as the stars burning up in the sky and the Force running through his veins.
"I love you too, Obi-Wan."