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Bucky's been touch-starved for seventy years. Before the war - hell, even during it - Bucky was a very touch-centered person. Whether is was throwing an arm around Steve's shoulders or giving Dum Dum a good thunk when he was being an idiot, there was always some sort of contact between Bucky and the people around him. So really, Steve can't be blamed for not seeing it.
The Winter Soldier has been released into Steve's care for about two weeks now and the majority of that time he's spent in his room or occasionally stalking out to gather supplies from the kitchen before holing himself up again. Steve gets it, having been newly returned to himself with the crushing weight of the Winter Soldiers actions on his shoulders, Bucky's trying to figure out where he stands now. Steve leaves him be, knowing that when Bucky needs something he'll ask for it.
It takes another week before Bucky stops hiding in his room for the entire day. He seems to have accepted that Steve isn't going to up and leave him any second and starts wandering out to join Steve on the couch to watch a movie or help some with dinner. They don't make a big deal about it, just go on as normal. Well, that is until Steve starts noticing how Bucky keeps glancing at him every five seconds out of the corner of his eye, mouth popping open occasionally as if he wants to say something only to snap it shut a second later.
Enough is enough, Steve wants to know what's on his friends mind. That is how they end up on the couch one evening, Bucky precariously perched on the opposite end to Steve doing his fish routine until Steve can't take it anymore. Turning to face Bucky expectantly, Steve cocks an eyebrow and asks, "What's up, Buck?"
Bucky's eyes widen in surprise before he curls in on himself a bit more and shakes his head. "Nothin'" he whispers, resolutely turning to stare intently at the TV like he actually knows what's been happening in the movie for the last hour.
Steve snorts, tossing in an eye roll for good measure. "Yeah, sure. Come on, Buck, spit it out."Opting to glare at the other man in reply, Bucky says nothing.
Fully aware what that glare means, namely that Bucky wont be speaking to the rest of the evening, Steve sighs heavily, stands up, bids Bucky good night and goes to bed. He's ninety percent sure Bucky hadn't been expecting that.
In some miraculous turn of events about two hours later there's a soft knock on Steve's door followed by Bucky poking his head in. Steve puts down the book he'd been reading and gestured for his friend to come inside.
Bucky awkwardly does, shuffling forward only enough to stand at the bottom of the bed.
Both men are quiet for a long while until Bucky clears his throat, rubs the back of his neck with his metal hand and mutters, "Sorry."
Steve pats the open half of the bed beside him, urging Bucky to slowly approach it and sit. "You gonna tell me what's been eatin' at you now, Pal?"
Bucky scowls unpleasantly down at the beige comforter, taking a fistful of the material in his flesh hand. Silence reins for another stretch before he simply lifts his head and locks eyes with Steve, hoping he'll be able to read what he's been craving for weeks now.
The loneliness that Bucky projects hits Steve square in the chest and it's all Steve can do not to pull Bucky into a hug instantly. Instead, he ensures he moves just slowly enough that Bucky is aware of every movement he makes as he scoots closer and wraps his arms around the hunched form.
Bucky instantly melts into the embrace the second Steve has a hold of him, wrapping his own arms around the bigger man and holding tight enough to bruise. It doesn't bother Steve.
"Shoulda just said something, Jerk." Steve chuckles into Bucky's hair where he's buried his face.
Bucky huffs in reply, simply choosing to hide his own face in Steve's neck and hold tighter. Steve matches easily, familiar with that need to just be held together by someone else for a while.
From then on the contact is non-stop. Steve tries to get Bucky to branch out to other members of the Avengers that he feels comfortable with but the most he succeeds in doing is patting Banner on the shoulder once when the man was looking particularly worn out after an episode with the big guy. Around Steve, it's a whole matter entirely. Now that he's got Steve's blessing to touch whenever he wants there's barely a moment when they're not either standing close enough to brush arms or Bucky's tucked himself into Steve's side.
The first time Bucky publicly touches Steve it's at an Avengers movie evening designed to catch Steve up on pop-culture.
On the agenda that evening were Finding Nemo, Tangled, Pulp Fiction and the first two Harry Potters. Everyone is draped around the communal Avengers lounge in everything from full kit (Tony insisted he was not getting up to go to the bathroom) to pajamas. Clint and Natasha had taken the largest of the couches hostage, Natasha leaning against the arm, legs folded neatly while Clint splayed out on the rest of it with his head on her lap. Sam, Jane, Darcy and Thor had made a giant nest on the floor with possibly every pillow and blanket in the entire Tower. Bruce was tucked into a single chair right beside Nat in an attempt to avoid Tony being an ass as usual. Pepper had dragged Tony to the opposite end of the room where they were cuddling on the second smaller couch. That left the collection of huge bean bags for Steve and Bucky when they arrived a little later. They decided to pile up all the beanbags against the couch by Clint's legs to use as a back rest and made a nice extended bed before they started the first of the movies.
At the beginning of Finding Nemo, Bucky's contact with Steve was limited to his flesh arm brushing against Steve's but by the time Marlin was being knocked unconscious Bucky was burrowing into Steve's side with his arms wrapped around Steve's middle and face hidden in Steve's worn out blue shirt. This went unnoticed by everyone except Clint who poked Natasha's thigh to point at the little display at his feet only to earn a soft smile and nod from Nat. When Nemo ended and everyone but Tony - who grinned rather happily - made a mad dash for the bathroom, their position was pointedly gaped at. Not that Bucky noticed, he was too busy listening to Steve's heartbeat under his ear and the soft way Steve ran fingers through his hair.
While Steve clearly noticed the looks he did nothing but raise his eyebrows and question why the second movie wasn't in already. That got everyone clearing their throats awkwardly and scurrying off to their former positions while Clint, Nat and Bruce chuckled. Two movies (Pulp Fiction really wasn't such a good plan with a deactivated brainwashed assassin blaming him for the deaths of hundreds) and about a truckload of popcorn later half of the Avengers and their respective partners were passed out where they lay leaving only Steve, Bucky and Sam awake. Sam declared that he had to head home as the credits for Tangled played and after bidding him a hushed good night, Steve attempted to extricate himself from Bucky's octopus limbs so that they could head to bed. Bucky was having none of it. He simply locked himself around Steve, legs thrown over Steve's thighs and arms curled around him, refusing to budge an inch.
"Buck, come on we should really get some sleep." he didn't even realise he'd started stroking Bucky's hair while he spoke but as soon as he stopped it garnered a soft little keening sound that had him starting right up again. Giving up on falling asleep in an actual bed instead of half-lying against a couch that would no doubt leave him with a sore back come morning, Steve sighed and settled in for the rest of the night.
Five days later and Bucky's bed has remained untouched since movie night.
After night four of Bucky sneaking in to Steve's room to wrap around him at two a.m. Steve outright told Bucky to just come to bed with him so he didn't have to wake up in a few hours when Bucky came in. That earned a blush and a self-conscious apology which Steve simply brushed off as he ushered Bucky into the bed for their now customary sleeping position.
Beyond moving into Steve's bed, Bucky had taken to sliding his hands into Steve's front pockets when he was feeling particularly aware of how the other Avengers interacted with each other and noticed that none of them felt the need to be tucked under an arm or held close. This way he could innocently sidle up to Steve's right - always the right - and hook his fingers over the edge of Steve's pockets. It took a few tries in the beginning for Steve to realise what this meant but now he never went more than a few seconds before tucking his hand in the pocket to lightly hold Bucky's fingers. Nobody seemed to notice the action for which Bucky was grateful. It meant he could keep doing it.
Missions were the worsed for both of them. After a month of near-constant close contact being apart from each other felt wrong. Tony liked to make comments about how down Steve was whenever he didn't have his ninja cyborg to hold his hand until Natasha threw one of her knives at him and nicked his ear.
"What the hell, Nat?! I need that thing to, you know, hear!"
Nat simply shrugged fro across the plush stark plane, not lifting her eyes from the row of weapons she was polishing. The silent "Could have taken the whole thing off if i wanted to so be grateful" in that single shrug had the rest of the team cracking up.
Tony's whining didn't quit the rest of the mission. It was a very long three days.
Upon returning, Steve was itching to get out of the damn suit and go find Bucky but alas that was not in the cards. After arriving back at the Tower all the Avengers were ushered into debriefing still covered in muck, blood and sweat for a further two hours as they hashed out the details of taking down the Hydra base and their findings there. Officially drained of any remaining energy they had stored up everyone silently piled into the elevator and dispersed at their various floors without so much as a goodbye.
Alone at last, Steve leaned heavily against the mirror as he waited for his floor. The second the doors slid open Steve stumbled out and tiredly headed towards the kitchen to grab some water before i passed out. He barely made it five steps into the apartment before Bucky was suddenly there; hair wet and sweatpants sticking to his legs in his haste to get out the bathroom.
Steve managed to pull out a small smile, "Hey."
Bucky was silent which was expected as he approached Steve and took hold of his wrists.
Steve cocked his head to the side, confusion clear on his face as Bucky simply stared at him. "Buck?"
In the next second Bucky was curled into Steve's chest and mumbled a very gruff, "You're late." against his jaw.
Just as relieved to have the contact back, Steve tucked away the aching need to sleep for a minute longer. Ten minutes later they were still standing in front of the elevator with Steve falling asleep on his feet and dirt smudging all over Bucky from the filthy suit. Pulling back slightly, Bucky looped an arm around Steve's waist and maneuvered him into the bedroom where he managed to get Steve to climb out of the suit before he dropped down on the bed and fell asleep.
Bucky stood watching his best friend for a few seconds, brushed his filthy blond hair from his face then lay down beside him and taking up their usual position of Bucky holding as much of Steve as he could.
Three months it's been going on and Natasha is getting annoyed.
Considering her level of control it really was a testament to how unbearable Cap and Barnes were being. It only took until after returning from their first mission for the other Avengers to grow tired of touchy Barnes and Rogers who refused to just damn well get together already. None of them can understand how they don't see it. Honestly, with all the touching, soft whispers to one another, and quite obvious pining it was absolutely baffling that they refused to acknowledge their couple status.
Natasha knew this because when she'd mentioned it to Steve she got a very affronted look from Steve followed by a barrage of "It's not like that." and "Buck is just a very touchy person."
She looked him square in the eye and told him point blank, "Steve, he wasn't even that touchy without half his time in the tank." which shut him up real quick and lead to a hurried departure from the room.
It was time to intervene because at this rate they would be not-together until they were 200. She decided the best way to go about it was through Yasha - he had initiated the whole thing, after all, and was guiding all of the contact. Plus Steve was an idiot who would take his feelings to the grave. Something about 'not wanting to push anything on Bucky that he doesn't want' if Sam was right. Well tough, there would definitely be some pushing because she didn't know how much more of this pining she could take.
Bucky was cornered in the gym two days later. As soon as he spotted Natasha entering the room with that determined glint in her eye he knew it would be best to run. Alas that was not an option what with the floor-to-ceiling panes of glass without a single window and air filters barely big enough to fit his arm. The only exit was through Nat.
"Fuck."
Unimpressed, Nat cocked her hip to the side, raised an eyebrow, and waited.
It didn't take long for Bucky to approach and the two to get into it. Too bad Bucky was under the impression they were playing nice when she pulled a knife on him. He rolled to the side to avoid the sharp tip making contact but couldn't dodge her dropping down on top of him, knife to his throat and triumph in her smirk. "Getting soft, Yasha."
"What do you want, Natasha?" he harrumphed, wondering if Steve would forgive him if he tossed her through a window. He could claim self defense.
"Tell your man how you feel, James. We've all had quite enough of you two being idiots." The outright order and clear annoyance in her tone was hard to miss.
Bucky went pink with anger but she put more pressure on the blade to shut him up. Lightening her words to juxtapose this move she simply said, "He returns it, i promise you. One of you just needs to stop being cowards and come out with it then you will thank me for this."
Without another second Nat hopped up, wiped the single drop of blood she'd drawn on her jeans and glided from the gym. "Get to it, Yasha." she tossed over her shoulder before disappearing from sight.
Bucky doesn't know how to be around Steve anymore.
Natasha's little discussion had sent his emotions into a tail-spin which ended only one way - completely withdrawing.The hurt and confusion that Steve practically radiated when for the first time in months Bucky rejected his touch was nearly more than he could deal with but he needed time to piece together exactly what Natasha was saying and what that meant for his relationship and future with Steve. It wasn't something he could admit to Steve, not if he wanted to keep the incident with Nat under wraps until he knew what he wanted. Unfortunately that justification didn't help the sick feeling that settled in his stomach since he'd all but declared himself a no-touch zone especially for Steve.
The Avengers could barely keep up with the two. One day they're all over each other - holding hands, snuggling up together - the next Steve has this wounded puppy air about him and Bucky's staying as far away from everyone as possible.
"Uh...did we miss something?" Sam asks as he approaches the others while Bucky stands by the door to the communal lounge and Steve hovers a few feet away.
Natasha let out a disappointed sigh, "James needs to work some things out."
" Yeah but what are we gonna do with that." Tony points at Steve who's not even trying to hide his pained expression as he glances at Bucky constantly.
"Keep him busy." Clint pipes up, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that."
Sam nods grimly, "Lets just hope they don't need too much absence."
Everyone agrees with that.
"Who's game for locking them in a room together if this takes longer than a week cause this is worse than the pining and its only been a few hours." Tony suggests.
Everyone agrees with that, too.
Thankfully, Bucky saves them the trouble by going to Steve six days later.
Steve honestly couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. It must have been something big for Bucky to all but cut Steve out of his life overnight. He'd even taken to not leaving his room for days on end again. For five days Steve analysed every move he made the night before Bucky shut down but he was still just as baffled almost a week later. Multiple times he tried to get Bucky to tell him what was going on but each effort only ended in Bucky shaking his head or just leaving the room altogether with this worried expression on his face that made Steve's gut roil with fear.
The Avengers did their level best to keep Steve as busy as possible which he was thankful for. It meant when he tumbled into bed after a day of missions or just training in the gym with the others it meant he fell asleep pretty quickly instead of giving him time to stare up at the ceiling and mourn the loss of Bucky wrapped around him with his octopus arms. However, even with the constant activity he found himself having to stop when he instinctively reached for Bucky in the morning or when the group was all together discussing one thing or another. Every time he had to drop his arm or bite back a comment meant only for Bucky it left a hollow ache in his chest and the desire to just beg Bucky to forgive him for whatever he'd done to upset him this badly.
On the morning of day six, Steve's hunched over the kitchen counter, shoveling cereal in his mouth while he tries not to react to Bucky flitting around the room behind him. He's learned that it's best to just pretend Bucky's not there then he'll hang around a bit longer but the second Steve so much as glances his way Bucky all but flies out. Steve's not too proud to admit that he'll take Bucky being around him and ignoring him rather than no Bucky at all. That's one of the biggest fears clawing at his heart,that one day soon he'll wake up and Bucky will have decided he doesn't even want to be in the same building as Steve and disappear for good. The relief that courses down his spine each day that Bucky cracks open his door for food makes him nearly lightheaded.
Given the week's distance between the two, Steve doesn't know what to do with himself when Bucky hesitantly places a hand on Steve's shoulder. Panic rips through Steve as he tries to figure out how he can react without setting Bucky off again. He opts for putting his spoon down and straightening up slowly.
"Can...can we talk?" Bucky awkwardly requests.
Steve's heart plummets. So, he wasn't just going to up and disappear, he was going to tell Steve about it first. Probably ask him if he could. As if Steve would ever make Bucky stay anywhere he didn't want to, even if that meant giving him up.
He has to clear his throat before he responds but still not trusting his voice he just gives a small nod and turns around.
Bucky's shifting his weight from foot to foot, hands in his jeans pockets and head down.
Steve concentrates on steadying his breathing, trying desperately not to break down.
" I - I don't really know..." Bucky starts only to run out of words and let out a frustrated huff. Suddenly, he squares his shoulders and looks up at Steve. "Steve, i know you'd do anything for me. To the point of doing stuff that - that you don't want to just to make me happy."
Steve cuts him off, unable to take anymore of the speech he'd clearly been practicing for a while. He wanted this conversation over as quickly as possible. He didn't think he could take an extended discussion and walk out of it with his dignity intact. " It's okay, Buck."
Bucky frowns, clearly confused. " Okay?"
Steve nods stiffly. " I crossed a line. I'm not gonna lie and say i know what that line is because honestly, Buck, I don't. I've spent days trying to figure it out but i just can't." he makes an unhappy noise, "That doesn't matter, i don't even know why i said it. The point is, Buck, I promise i'll do whatever i can so you can leave."
Bucky's eyes widen and he takes a step back. "Leave?"
" of course." Hurt blooms across Steve's face. Bucky's incredulity at him actually offering to help cut him even more deeply. "I won't keep you prisoner here when its clear it's not where you want to be. It's been months now, i'm sure Fury will agree that you'll be fine on your own. You can - you can get as far away from me as you need." Steve whispers the last sentence unable to keep the heartbreak from bleeding out into his words. "I'm sorry i messed it up."
"Steve, what the hell are you talking about?" Bucky can't help but raise his voice in his panic. Was Steve really kicking him out? Had Nat been that wrong?
Now Steve's sadness morphs into confusion. "Whatever i did last week that made -" Steve gestures to the large space separating them.
Anger bursts out before Bucky can stop it, " And you think the answer to that is kicking me out?!"
Steve stumbles over a response before finally managing to get out, " I thought - i thought you wanted to get away from me?" It comes out as more of a question than anything else which only fuels Bucky's rant.
"Well you better fucking listen good, Rogers, because the last thing i want is to get away from you, you - Punk! How the hell does offering to help me run away solve anything you idiot?! I'm trying to tell you i'm in love with your stupid ass and - and you're being all fucking noble and self-sacrificing! Jesus Christ Steve, you've got to be kidding me!"
Steve can do nothing more than gape at Bucky in shock. That right there was the most Bucky had said to anyone since Steve found him in Istanbul amongst the rubble of a Hydra base and brought him home. Then, the gravity of everything Bucky said whalloped into him with the force of Mjilnor when Thor was particularly pissed off. " You love me?" he wheezed, unable to get his lungs to work properly just yet.
"YES! I'm fucking in love with a selfless masochistic asshole, are you happy? Now you better be very careful Rogers because i swear to every God in the Universe if you dare say it back and not mean it the same way I will crush you." Steve can tell instantly that Bucky isn't kidding around, he's even pointing a finger sharply into Steve's chest hard enough to bruise.
"Good thing I do then." Steve breathes, finally able to suck in some oxygen.
All the wind goes out of Bucky's sales the second the words leave Steve's lips and a vulnerable pleading settles in his eyes instead. "Please Steve..."
Steve catches Bucky's hand between his own and brings it to Steve's chest. That simple touch is all it takes, " I mean it, Buck. I'm gonna be extremely selfish and love you as long as i live."
A bright grin splits Bucky's face a second before he's climbed Steve like a tree and wrapped himself around him, legs hooked around Steve's hips, hands buried in Steve's hair and lips hovering a hairs-breadth away. " You better, Punk."
Steve's laugh warms Bucky's lips, "Jerk."
And then they're kissing and JARVIS informs the rest of the Avengers. Bucky swears he can hear Tony's booming 'FINALLY' reverberating through the vents.
"Never do that again, okay?" Steve sighs later that morning when they're cuddled up on the couch as tangled together as humanly possible. He strokes the side of Bucky's face and revels in the warmth of it, " I need the contact just as much as you."
Bucky presses a kiss to Steve's throat, "Never again, promise."