Chapter Text
_______
hold me tight and I’ll sink in
i’m absorbed in your thinking
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“….I’m sorry, huh?” Amelia’s voice comes out in a stunned question. She glances up at Carina DeLuca from where she’s settled in her increasingly uncomfortable bed on the maternity floor.
“I said you can go home, Dr. Shepherd,” Carina repeats the words she’d spoken just prior, smiling optimistically. “You guys can go home today.”
Link smiles wide from where he stands near Amelia’s bedside. He rubs Amelia’s shoulder encouragingly, looking down at her with an expression of pure excitement. Amelia’s face does not reflect an equal sentiment.
“You’re sure….?” She turns her attention back to Carina, eyebrows pulling together as she tries to process this information.
“Yes, Amelia,” Carina laughs, implementing the first name basis in an attempt to comfort the new mother in front of her. “You’re healthy. The baby is healthy….” She smiles down at Scout, who sleeps soundly in the bassinet in the corner of the room. “It’s time to bring him home.”
Amelia’s frown deepens as she watches Carina leave the room. It had been two full days since Scout came into the world. Two full days of being surrounded by the people she loves. Two full days of constant support and visitors. And now it was back to reality. Her new reality.
She knows. In the back of her mind. That there’s no point in staying here in this hospital room. She’s a doctor. She’s prepared. Or she should be. And there’s nothing else left to do.
She bites the corner of her thumbnail anxiously as she re-visits her mental checklist. She pretty much has a handle on the feeding process. Link has basically mastered swaddling. And they were finally able to settle on a name. Which, as it turns out, was the toughest part. But they got there. And now there was nothing else left to do. The checklist is complete. Scout Derek Shepherd Lincoln is ready to go home.
Link clears his throat, raising his eyebrows at Amelia, who drops her nervous nail-biting to return his gaze. She smiles, despite herself, allowing Link’s calm demeanor to anchor her.
_______
Link is prepared, he thinks. For most things in life. Part of that he credits to not being an over-thinker. His preparedness is never a result of heavy planning, but more so an outlook that allows him to go with the flow. To take things as they come.
He’d only stressed momentarily before Amelia went into labor.
Will Amelia have an easy delivery?
Will we make it to the hospital on time?
Will the baby be scared of me?
That was the extent of his worry. So, what he’d failed to consider, was the aftermath. What to expect in the days and weeks after the birth.
“Ugh, god, stop,” Amelia whines. “Really, I got it.”
Link chuckles, bewildered, as he watches Amelia climb the staircase in Meredith’s house. He drops his hands from where he’d attempted resting them on her shoulders, in an effort to guide her up the stairs.
“You’re sore, Amelia. I was just trying to help.”
Link shrugs to himself defensively before following shortly after her.
“I don’t need help.” She mutters as they cross the threshold back into her bedroom.
They both peek into Scout’s bassinet next to the bed, and momentary relief floods them both at the sight of their newborn still sound asleep.
Link’s gaze remains glued to Scout adoringly, until he hears Amelia’s exasperated sigh from somewhere behind him.
He turns around in time to watch her lower herself onto the bed. She sits halfway up, leaning against the headboard and closes her eyes tightly. The grimace that twists across her face makes Link feel helpless.
“You okay?” He tries, slowly approaching the bed to sit down on the edge, near her feet.
“Ugh,” she groans her response, not even opening her eyes when she feels Link’s weight on the bed.
Link rests a hand on her shin comfortingly. And Amelia groans again, a crease forming between her brows.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing,” she breathes out impatiently.
And Link sighs.
“I can’t believe I forgot this part….” She continues, opening her eyes to look at Link. “There’s not really a handbook for what to expect after, ya know?” She laughs a little bit, apologetically. And Link nods understandingly. “I mean the last time…” Her voice cracks a bit on the sentence. “The last time….I couldn’t really separate the pregnancy from….from what else was going on with me….health-wise….” She trails off again as reluctant tears spring to her eyes. “I just kinda forgot about all this.” She laughs bitterly as she gestures to her own body between them.
“Well, let me help you-”
“What can you do, Link?! My uterus is quite literally shrinking back to its normal size. It’s just cramps.” She cuts him off angrily and Link recoils from her mood swing. She folds her arms across her chest and then immediately gasps at the tenderness there. “And, dammit, my chest is sore. That part….I didn’t have to deal with the last time.”
Link nods slowly. Breastfeeding was a new experience this time around.
“Sorry….” She mumbles, much quieter than before, glancing at the newborn that sleeps just a couple of feet away. “For lashing out. It’s not me, it’s the hormones.”
“Eh,” Link shrugs. “I’m used to it at this point.”
Amelia scowls. But it quickly softens into a slight smile as she leans back again and closes her eyes.
“You’ve known me as hormonal and pregnant more than you’ve known me as….not hormonal and not pregnant. I promise you, I’m not crazy.” She whispers.
“Sure, Amelia.” Link chuckles.
Her eyes shoot open. “Hey!” She mutters playfully. “I would try to be on my good side right now.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” He shakes his head amusedly, pulling her feet into his lap. He massages her feet and ankles and watches her relax into the sensation, while he thinks of his next plan. “How about a bath? That might feel good….?”
She blinks, thinking about it. She purses her lips, not wanting to admit to Link that he’s come up with something useful.
Link laughs at her expression.
“I’m going to start a bath, then.”
And Amelia pouts at the loss of contact when he shifts her feet away from him, moving towards the bathroom.
_______
“You want me to join you, or just stay in here, or-”
“No,” Amelia says sternly as she relaxes back into the tub, resting her eyes. She’s taken aback by the impatient tone of her own voice, though, and she opens her tired eyes apologetically. “I mean, no thank you. I’m okay.” She smiles. “And thank you for this.”
Link isn’t hurt by her dismissal. He smiles back at her. “That’s okay….I’m just going to go watch Scout sleep.”
Amelia huffs out a laugh at this.
“Okay,” she murmurs. “You do that.”
Link watches as Amelia unwinds completely. She sighs in bliss as she leans her head back and it makes Link’s heart swell. It makes him feel less useless to her. He’s still smiling to himself as he turns on his heels, walking back to the room to do exactly what he’d mentioned. Watch his newborn sleep.
_______
“Hey,” Amelia breathes as she rounds the corner back into the bedroom, wrapped up in a fluffy white towel. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stay in there so long.”
“That’s okay,” Link responds, shifting his gaze away from the bassinet and turning around to meet Amelia’s eyes. “You earned it.”
Amelia smiles gratefully, moving forward to sit next to Link on the edge of the bed. She looks down warmly at the sleeping newborn in front of them. “You were serious when you said you were just gonna watch him sleep, huh?” She mutters quietly.
“Mhm,” Link’s eyes are glued back to Scout. “He hasn’t even stirred.”
“Don’t say that,” Amelia warns. “Let’s not jinx it. Can you imagine us actually sleeping through the night?” She grins up at Link. And Link shakes his head amusedly.
“But we should probably sleep, while he sleeps….” Link offers.
“Right….” Amelia mumbles. “But, wow. It is really hard to look away from him, isn’t it?”
Link laughs. And suddenly stands. He reaches a hand out for Amelia to take.
“Come on, bedtime.” Link pulls Amelia into a standing position, and they both take one last look at Scout.
“Can you believe we….made him?” Amelia’s voice is full of wonder. “We made that tiny little human.”
“Well, you did most of the work,” Link grins. Then turns to her with a more serious expression. “You still….do most of the work.”
Amelia’s heart swells. And she smiles, biting her lip, trying to shrug off the sentiment of Link’s words.
“And you should sleep in tomorrow,” Link adds, guiding them around to the other side of the bed. “Do you want to pump at all tonight….? So that you can sleep in a little bit when he wakes up hungry?”
Amelia groans, rolling her eyes. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“Here,” Link approaches the dresser, grabbing her sleep shorts and one of his oversized t-shirts. “Put on something comfy first.”
“Mhm,” Amelia nods in agreement, taking the clothes from him. But then she gasps suddenly, a sharp cramp twisting through her pelvis.
“What’s wrong?!”
“Just cramps,” she breathes, eyes shut tight.
“Okay, here. Sooner you get changed, sooner you can get back into bed.” Link takes the t-shirt back from her, encouraging her to drop the towel and lift her arms. And when she does so, Link guides the shirt over her body. He then crouches down, tapping Amelia on each foot in a way that signifies for her to step into her shorts. Link slowly rises as he pulls them up her legs, and the second the forgiving waistband is resting at her hips, Amelia collapses back down into the bed.
Link sighs. Not wanting to disturb her. “I’m….going to go get the breast pump.”
Amelia groans.
“Sorry,” Link whispers apologetically as he leaves the room.
_______
Amelia yawns desperately as she finishes pumping. She lays back against the headboard again, her head rolling to the side to look at Link, smiling lazily.
“This must be so attractive to you, sorry,” she mumbles sarcastically. “But I think I’m done,” she adds as she sits up.
Link frowns as Amelia settles herself from the task.
“Amelia….” He watches as she starts putting everything away. “Don’t say that.”
She just laughs dismissively in response.
“You’re literally providing nutrients to our kid, I mean….” He trails off, shaking his head in disbelief, trying to gather his next words. “I’ve never found you more attractive.”
Amelia rolls her eyes. Suddenly sick of the overly sentimental direction this conversation was heading.
“I was joking,” she replies shortly, her tone impatient once again. “Let’s just go to bed.”
“Alright,” Link agrees as Amelia quickly gets under the covers. He glances across, to the freshly pumped breast milk on her bedside table. He gets up and crosses the room. “I’m going to go put this in the fridge, I’ll be back.”
Her lack of response still doesn’t quite phase him.
When Link returns, a few minutes later, Amelia is seemingly sound asleep. He settles under the covers on his side of the bed and lays flat on his back.
He turns his head toward Amelia, who sleeps on her side, with her back to him. She makes no indication that she’s aware of his presence. Link sighs, turning over to face the opposite way. He shuts his eyes tightly, desperate to get some sleep before the inevitable. Before Scout wakes up and wreaks havoc on their sleep schedules.
Link begins to drift off quickly, only barely interrupted when he feels Amelia shift around in the bed. He successfully ignores the movement, falling easily back into the verge of slumber.
Until 10 minutes later. When he feels movement again.
Amelia shifts around in the bed, and Link can hear her sigh heavily. Her breath sounds closer to him than before. But again, he tries not to let it pull him from sleep. He grasps onto his exhaustion, willing himself to fall asleep.
But then 5 minutes later, he’s shaken from sleep again. Because he can feel the dip in the mattress as Amelia adjusts herself once more. Now impossibly close to him. Her breath against the back of his neck is the biggest indication of the lack of space between them.
Before he can even think about resisting, or think about grappling back towards sleep, he feels cold feet rest against his bare shins under the covers.
He gasps fully awake at the abrupt sensation. And turns over in bed.
“Amelia….” he groans sleepily, blinking as his eyes adjust. He can just make out her face in the dimly lit room. He’s immediately shocked by just how close she is to him.
Her eyes stare back at him widely.
“If you want to cuddle,” he smirks knowingly, “all you have to do is say so.”
“I don’t,” she deflects, brushing off the accusation.
Link’s smirk grows. Like he’s won some battle. And resent reflects all over Amelia’s face.
“Okay, then,” he announces matter-of-factly, beginning to turn away from her again.
But then her face falls. And Link pauses, scanning her eyes. And then he decides.
“Okay,” he mutters again. “Well I’m going to cuddle you anyway. Because it’s what I want.” He reaches for her, wrapping his arms around her until she adjusts so that her back aligns with his front.
Amelia sighs at the contact, relaxing into his embrace completely. Link’s hands move to rest over her lower abdomen and instead of retreating, the comfort actually brings tears to Amelia’s eyes. Link presses gently, applying soothing pressure, and Amelia gasps gratefully.
“Does that feel okay?” He murmurs.
Amelia quickly nods, letting out a quiet “Mhm,” instead of revealing the emotion that would likely be evident in her voice if she went the more verbal route.
But then she sighs again. Because even she can hear the level of desperation in her ‘Mhm.’
“It’s just the hormones,” she defends herself out loud, a revealing tightness to her voice.
“Sure, Amelia.” He chuckles, reaching forward to place a quick kiss to the top of her head. He relaxes back into their now shared position, finally drifting off to sleep.
//