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“Mr Woolsey advised that you would not be here for the next few days. Where are you going, John?"
It was already obvious from the sheepish way he looked over at her, zipping the bag closed, that he was going to lie, at least by omission. “I have something to take care of on the East Coast. It’s a holiday weekend.”
Teyla was not satisfied. “I do not see what one has to do with the other.”
Sighing, the Lt Colonel sat down on the edge of his bed. “It’s a time when my country stops to recognize those soldiers who have fallen in battle.”
The picture was becoming a little more clear. “And now that we are on Earth, you wish to honour the dead.”
“Yeah, something like that,” he mumbled.
“Do you not want me to accompany you?” Over the last couple of years, Teyla thought she and John had come to understand each other, and perhaps care for each other as more than colleagues or friends. But he was most definitely cutting her out of this particular moment.
“Nah, it’s a short trip.” He stood up and shoulder his pack. “I’ll see ya Tuesday.”
He left without another word, leaving the stunned Athosian woman standing in his room alone. Unsettled by the entire exchange, she went to find Rodney, who was perhaps the next closest human to understand the workings of John Sheppard’s mind.
“Oh, yeah, it’s Memorial Day. Well, for the American troops,” McKay clarified, not bothering to look up from his study of the ZPM’s readings.
“And this…Memorial Day, it requires travel?”
“Well, sometimes. There are military cemeteries all over the place, though some veterans are buried at…oh.” Stopping himself mid-revelation, Rodney finally looked at her sadly. “I think I know where he’s going.”
*******
Stepping out of the taxi, John slowly made his way through the gates of Congressional Cemetery, the wind picking up to carry off the last of the pink cherry blossoms. It was quiet here, the majority of the solemnities occurring over at Arlington National Cemetery. He had looked up the plot location before arriving, as 200-years of headstones dotted the landscape.
From time to time, he passed people holding their own private memorials at one marker or another. He knew what it was like; he had done it many times before, and never wanted to do it again. But here he was. He told himself that he owed it to her to do this at least once.
The black marble stood out for its newness, the crispness of the lettering that assured all who passed that here lay
ELIZABETH ANN WEIR
1970 – 2008
DIPLOMAT, DAUGHTER
AND DEARLY MISSED
From the smattering of old leaves and blossoms, it did not seem anyone had bothered to miss Elizabeth in quite some time. Her mother had died only a month after General O’Neill saw to the internment of the empty coffin in this place of honor. She may not have been a soldier, but she had most definitely left her mark on the world, and died in service to them all. But now there was no family left, no friends or colleagues who apparently lamented her absence, and it saddened him more than he could say.
Getting down in his knees, John gently brushed away the detritus and laid the roses at the base of the stone. He didn’t even know if she liked roses, but they had been such a vibrant red, they reminded him of her.
“Hey,” he said quietly, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come see you before now. But we’re…well, it’s a long story, but we’re actually on Earth right now, the whole of Atlantis. I think you would have loved it. You never really got to see the city fly.
“I don’t know how long we’ll be staying, if or when we’ll have enough power to return to Pegasus, but I thought I should do this at least once, in case I never get another chance.
“What I wanted to say is…I’m sorry I left you behind. From Day One I told you it was the one thing I wouldn’t do. Except I did it to you. And no matter how many times I’ve thought about it over the last two years…I can’t find a way to save you, Elizabeth. If you hadn’t done what you did, I know that none of us would have gotten out of there, and Atlantis would have died adrift in space.
“I hope you lived long enough to know that we survived, that what you did was worth it. But I don’t know. Since we destroyed the Replicators, I’ll never know. Those damn Replicators…They keep sending versions of you back, but it’s also…never you. Just a reminder of what I couldn’t do.”
He was crying, but he couldn’t stop himself, not after sitting on his words all this time. “I wanted you to know that I knew…I knew how much you liked me, maybe even loved me, but could never do anything about it. And I wouldn’t have let you, either. Because Atlantis needed you more than I did.
“Except I’m not sure that’s true anymore. Colonel Carter and Richard Woolsey…they didn’t do too bad. Even if they weren’t you. And now I wonder…could I have found a way with you? Could we have a found a way? Would they have even let us try?
“But…I need to stop wondering, Elizabeth. I can’t stay up every night trying to rewrite the past. And Teyla…She’ll understand, but only for so long. And I can’t keep making her wait.
“So this is…this is my good-bye, Lizbeth, and my hope, that wherever you are, you’re okay. And if you’re not yet…don’t worry, you will be.”
Standing up, John brushed the dirt and grass from his knees, and righted himself before bringing his hand to his brow, the most perfect salute he had ever given. It was all that he had left for her.
Turning to go, he was brought up short by the group of people standing ten yards off, dressed in their finest civies, each holding a floral offering. They had waited until he was done to approach, giving him the time he needed alone.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“It’s Memorial Day,” Rodney said with a shrug, trying to appear nonchalant, though it was obvious from the red around his eyes that the tears were only recently dried. “We came to…memorialize, too.”
“She also meant something to us, Sheppard.” Ronon looked good in the borrowed suit, but odd holding a bouquet of daisies.
“And you should not have to feel alone on a day such as this,” Teyla finished. She may not have heard what he said, but she understood. “Nor should she.”
Working his jaw around a bit, and drawing a few deep breaths through his nose, John gave them a weak smile. “Well come on, then, come say hello. She would have liked that.”
From beneath one of the old oak trees, whose remaining time on this Earth was limited, a lithe amalgam of shadow and light watched, and was contented. They would be alright, they would survive, even if she had not. She whispered to the gentle spring winds a request, to tell John Sheppard that she was indeed okay now, that it was time to forgive himself and move on.