Archive of Our Own

Karina had unblemished skin. It was once smooth - a porcelain appearance that held the eyes of many. But it was now filled out with wrinkles and moles and a smattering of blotches - none of which were scars.

What was once a sign of beauty was now a sign of her shame.

When she was younger, she held out hope. She would wake up in the morning and poke around at her skin, trying to find some bruise or cut or bloody message written in a sharp quill.

But it never happened.

She sprang out of bed at seven, she rolled out of bed at twelve, she no longer looked at seventeen.

She had a mirror, but it was unused. She had small needles, but those desperate messages never received an answer. She once believed, but those days were behind her. Either her soulmate was dead, or they never bothered with her in the first place.

She was angry - at first - but anger gave way to sadness, and sadness gave way to apathy, and then she found herself simply… living.

She stumbled, she got up, and she discovered new ways to satiate her desires. Soulmates were a construct, and not everyone was lucky enough to have them. There was comfort in that, and there was comfort in the idea that she could still find some sense of love without those scars. She could break rules, and she did it in the most literal sense possible.

She slept with a Marleyan.

At first, Reiner didn’t understand the concept of soulmates. He barely remembered his early years in the first place. Most of it was filled with one teaching after another, one book after another, one lesson after another. He thought he experienced love with his mother - it was the only idea of love he had.

Love was when she taught him to be loyal to Marley. Love was when she encouraged him to join the Warriors. Love was when she promised his father would return to them so long as he just became a hero.

Love could have been the time she ran her fingers through his hair as he had night terrors about the titan devils in Paradis. It could have been when she made him his favorite meal as he prepared to join the training program - only seven years old at the time. But it wasn’t. Not really. Because with each brush she told him a story of the no-good-very-bad Eldians, and with each meal she made him promise that he’d bring their family success and renown and honor.

It wasn’t unconditional, but Reiner didn’t know the difference.

When he began to interact with other children, awash with new information, faces, and societal norms that he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around, he discovered soulmates.

Pieck had mentioned it first, sitting down at the younger children’s table to pull up her sleeve and show off her upper forearm. “I think my soulmate’s illiterate.”

Reiner flinched back, none too comfortable with the idea of random people coming up and acting like his friend, but when he found that Porco already knew her, he relaxed and stared at the pale scars criss crossing over her skin. Maybe that one loop looked like a J, and perhaps the last letter was an M, but its messy complexities were beyond him - all besides the little marking at the end, a heart.

“At least you know they like you,” Porco snorted and lazily pushed at his own arm.

“Yeah, well, they’re stupid.” Pieck slowly walked to the other side of the table and sat down beside Galliard, right across from Reiner. “Their parents must’ve forgotten to teach them that you don’t gouge these in - now it’s ugly and permanent.”

“At least you know they’ll like you forever.”

Pieck shoved Porco with her elbow and leaned forward, getting a good look at Reiner’s dumbfounded face. “What? Never seen something like this before?”

“What do you mean by ‘soulmate’?”

The table exchanged looks.

He had been sheltered from it, but that didn’t mean it went away.

Soulmates were found through scars. Some preferred to write a message in their skin, just enough to give a location and a name. Others liked the chase, only allowing scars that were naturally formed, using those markings to piece together where their counterpart was. And then, there were a few that never had a soulmate in the first place - their skin was blank, marred only by their own mistakes. Some preferred to think their soulmate died, having taken the scars with them, but others accepted their own hard truth - they weren’t made to be loved.

Still, life went on, and with it, a society that was built upon the concept of soulmates. There were special shops people could visit to have messages lightly carved into their skin; it only slightly stung and faded after a week. There were rules - Marleyan and Eldian soulmates were to be separated and killed; Eldians could not leave their community, so they better hope and pray their soulmate was within the confines of Liberio; if it was discovered that two soulmates were plotting to escape, meet up, or otherwise run away from the law, they were immediately executed.

“So if I,” Reiner began, slipping out a pocket knife he had received in training, positioning it above his arm, “If I write something here, it will show up on my soulmate’s arm? And they won’t feel a thing?”

Pieck nodded, but pointed to his leg instead, “Just in case it stays there.”

He hesitated above his ankle and looked up at the others. “What did you guys do?”

Pieck grinned and wiggled her fingers in the air. “Right,” she stopped moving her hand and Reiner could see ‘P I E C K’ dotting her fingerprints, “here!”

“Isn’t that permanent?” Reiner furrowed his brow in thought, but Pieck only laughed.

“Yes, but look, my writing is actually pretty.” Reiner found her to be right upon further examination. “And, I know I have a soulmate, so it’s not as though I’ll be reminded of my lack of one anytime I stare at my hand.”

“Oh, so that’s why-”

Pieck nodded, Reiner swallowed, and moved the knife down to his skin, sketching out a tiny ‘R’ right next to the base of his achilles. The blood welled and dripped down, but soon dried up as clotting took its place.

As he did so, Marcel came over and started to excitedly explain his own soulmate scars. Little lines ran across his hands and arms and close to his feet; he claimed that his soulmate had to be working the land, maybe even hunting, but whatever it was, they weren’t upper class, and that meant it was highly likely they were Eldian just like him.

Bertholdt only blushed when asked, shooting a not-so-sly look toward Annie, who, in turn, explained that she ‘didn’t give a shit about soulmates so shut up and leave her alone.’

Porco avoided the question entirely and thus, they were left with more questions for Reiner.

He told them that he didn’t remember having any scars, nothing that he hadn’t already dealt to himself. But then again, maybe there was that one bruise there, or perhaps that little mark there - and ever so slowly, just when he was given hope, he lost it. “I don’t- I don’t think so. Maybe they’re just really careful?

“Maybe,” Pieck replied, pursing her lips, “They might be in the same boat as you though.”

None of them mentioned the other two possibilities: that his soulmate was dead, or he never had a soulmate in the first place.

He went home to his mother that night with a small, hopeful, smile on his face. He had chosen to believe Pieck’s words - perhaps his soulmate simply didn’t know, but after they saw the ‘R’ on their ankle, then they’d have to start figuring out what soulmates were. He thought he might ask his mother and figure out her own experience - how she went through it all, especially considering her soulmate was a Marleyan.

But when he walked up to her and showed her the drying blood near his foot, she grabbed his shoulder, leaned down, and told him to never ever do that again.

So the subject dropped, and he didn’t mention it again. At least, not until his mother brought it up the next morning.

“I tell you that because I love you. You know that right?” Karina reached over the table to grasp at one of his hands. “It didn’t work out between your father and I. It was never destined to be. But if you’re a Warrior - if you become a darling little Warrior for me - then we may be reunited. All of us.” She sighed and pulled her hands back. “As a Warrior, you won’t be able to see the scars left by your soulmate. You regenerate, and that means every single marking on your body goes away.”

Reiner’s eyes widened. “So-”

“I don’t want you to experience heartbreak, and that’s why I ask you to stop now. Don’t mark up your own skin, and by Helos, don’t go checking for scars before you become a Warrior.”

Reiner hesitated there, pulling his leg onto the chair to scratch away the flaking blood, looking at it for only one more moment before nodding.

Who cared about the idea of soulmates anyway? All he had ever wanted was a family, and he’d give up anything to fulfill that dream.

He didn’t check the mirror, he didn’t touch any knives, and he didn’t bother to figure out which scars he received during that day’s training and which he hadn’t. He was much like Annie - completely removed from the idea of ‘soulmates.’ He believed in them, sure - his parents had found one another through it - but he was determined to focus on reuniting them and nothing else.

By contrast, his companions were in a hurry. Once the regeneration aspect of being a Warrior dawned on them, they tried to piece together clues before it was too late.

Marcel, who had sworn never to carve a message into his own skin, broke that promise. Even as he went to one of the services in Liberio, watching as the Eldian attendant picked out thin pieces of sterilized metal in the shapes of letters, he found it unnatural; he had to look away as the steel was softly lowered onto his arm.

He never received a reply.

Pieck grew increasingly frustrated. No matter what she did, no matter how pretty and plainly she wrote out her message - even forking money over to one of the soulmate services - her match’s messages were always unintelligible. She had gone looking through multiple books, trying to find a different language that matched the writing in the scars, but found nothing. In the end, she decided that they were merely an idiot, and promised that, one day, she’d find them, and beat the Marleyan alphabet right into their head. She may have said it with a smile and a wink, but Reiner could tell she was annoyed, and immediately felt for the poor soul that would have to deal with her rage.

Annie and Porco were quiet about it, both in different ways. Annie would ignore the question, and Porco would blush and grumble, never giving a solid answer.

Bertholdt, however, opened up. It was only to Reiner, and he barely mentioned it at all, but he had a soulmate, and he thought his soulmate might be closer than any of them would have guessed.

When the tall boy said who, Reiner immediately scrunched up his nose. “That’s only because you have a crush on her.”

“No! No, I’m being honest.” Bertholdt grabbed Reiner’s shoulder to stop him from getting up. “Don’t you remember the time Zeke and Annie were sparring? He threw her to the ground and she got cut right below her temple when she hit a rock. Well, look. Right here.” He pushed at a bit of his hair, pointing out the mark. “It’s her.”

Reiner stared at the scar dubiously. It did match - it was in the same place with the same exact shape - but it didn’t mean that it was Annie. “Let’s test it then.”

Bertholdt had given him stipulations before they agreed upon the idea.

One: Annie couldn’t know her soulmate was looking for her. Whatever it was, it had to be subtle.

Two: They wouldn’t do anything that caused her to be obviously marred. Marking his face may have been easy, but he knew having a soulmate scar so obviously displayed on her person would make her embarrassed - he refused to do that to her.

Three: No matter what, whether she was Bertholdt’s soulmate or not, Reiner would absolutely never let her know. That job was left to Bertholdt, whenever he so chose to share it.

That morning, when they went to the training field to spar, they were prepared.

When the time came to pair up, Reiner slowly inhaled, exhaled, and walked over to Annie. She turned to him with a cocked head and a raised brow. This didn’t just happened - only people with a death wish would volunteer to go toe-to-toe with Annie - but there the boy was, and he had a stupid grin on his stupid face.

Annie was aggravated, so she didn’t refuse his challenge, pulling him out to the sandy ring as soon as Magath uttered the word ‘begin.’

Reiner shot a look toward Bertholdt - one that held desperation, regret, and a scream for help - but faced Annie, holding his arms out in front of him, folding his thumbs underneath his fingers to create shaky fists.

It happened in a matter of seconds. At one point he was on his feet, and then, the very next second, he was folded up like origami. His head was on the ground, his face looking up at the sky. Reiner quickly rolled his eyes backward, trying to spot what he was looking for-

There. Right above Annie’s right shoe, a blank spot.

And then, like magic, three small lines of skin darkened.

He inhaled sharply, right before he got a mouthful of sand.

Although he was coughing up tiny grains for days afterward, the mission was a success, as predicted - sparring was the only way Annie allowed someone to get close to her, after all - and he sprinted over to Bertholdt as soon as training was over for the day.

“So, when are you going to tell her?” Reiner was practically bouncing on his feet as they walked back to their sector. “Tomorrow? This weekend? What are you going to do? Will you get married? Is that what you’re supposed to do when you find your soulmate?”

“I’m not telling her.”

Reiner slid to a stop, rounding on his friend, throwing his arms out. “What? You find out your crush since forever is your soulmate and you’re not even going to tell her?”

Bertholdt shook his head. “She doesn’t like soulmates. I don’t even think she likes me without knowing I’m her soulmate. I’d rather just… I want to do it traditionally. I want to get to know her, I want her to get to know me, and I-”

Reiner ran his hands over his face with a sigh. “I get it. You want to be a mushy-gushy romantic. Feel free. But you should at least tell her before you can’t prove it anymore.”

Bertholdt only replied with a small smile. “I just want her to be happy, Reiner. If it means never knowing who her soulmate is, then so be it.”

When Reiner was chosen to be a Warrior, he was happy. It was the type of happiness that filled him up with relief, with a sense of accomplishment, but not much else. Now there was no going back. He was going to lead a lonely life of thirteen years, up until he succeeded as a hero and brought his family back together. Because, at that point, he wouldn’t even need a soulmate - his father and mother would give him all the love he could ever want.

Marcel never found his soulmate, Bertholdt never talked to Annie, Annie never cared, Porco disappeared among the ranks of soldiers heading to fight for Marley, and Pieck was still left puzzling over those stupid curly messages. While long gone now, she copied them down for safekeeping, perhaps believing there was still a chance.

Reiner rather hoped that he had no soulmate at all, especially when the experimentation began. He had never pictured his legs being burned when he became a Warrior. He didn’t think they’d be cutting off his limbs. He couldn’t imagine that they’d purposefully blind him and deafen him and cut out his tongue. He knew why they needed to do it - all to test his regeneration, all to see how well he performed with the Armored - but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

There was part of him that wondered what becoming a titan would do to his other half. Would their marks fade just like he was dead? Or would they keep every single scar while Reiner had none?

He prayed it was the former.

And as he waited on his eyes to start regenerating, he missed the Azumabito crest that flared up on his arm, only to disappear a second later.

Mikasa’s early years were as perfect as they could be. She had a loving father, a loving mother, and lived in a comfortable home that was set just outside the busyness of the town. Her father would hunt for them, her mother would cook dinners, and she would help with embroidery as they laughed and enjoyed the warmth from the fireplace.

She even had a normal soulmate scar, a simple picture that was hidden away on her ankle. She couldn’t understand what it meant - it was simply a bunch of blocky lines smushed together, but it wasn’t a line across her face or some sort of crudely carved message that would never fade away. So she liked it, and she would stare at it before she went to sleep each night. Just a small reminder that someone out there was her soulmate - not that she really understood what that entailed. She only knew they’d care for her, and that was enough for her to be content.

And then, one day, it began to change. What were once a few scrapes and bruises - all normal in the life of a kid; she was sure she had given similar markings to her soulmate - turned into deeper gashes. That one on her arm looked like a knife wound. The light colors crisscrossing her hand seemed to be from a switch. Were those blotches on her legs all from bruises? And was that- was that a bullet hole in her left arm?

When Mikasa pointed out the latest scar to her mother, she sent a panicked look to her husband, to which he nodded.

“Why don’t you go to your room, sweetheart? Just for a moment? Your mother and I need to talk.”

Mikasa mutely walked out of the kitchen, shutting the door to her bedroom behind her. But she stayed pressed up against the wood, trying to piece together the conversation.

She couldn’t manage it. As much as she wanted to, the few words she could piece together were ‘just’ and ‘child’ and ‘underground.’ And maybe there was something about a ‘Kenny,’ but she didn’t really understand what that meant. Neither of her parents ever mentioned knowing someone with that name.

Eventually she heard the loud scrape of a chair and her mother’s calling voice. “Come here Mika!”

She stepped back a second, as though she were jumping from her bed - or doing anything besides standing right at the door - and eventually walked out, her curious eyes trying to catch the expressions on her parents’ faces.

Her father had his back turned to her, one of his hands rubbing his shoulder, a habit he had grown into whenever he was thinking hard about something. Her mother was looking directly at her though, a hesitant smile on her face. “Remember when we said you couldn’t write back to your soulmate?”

Mikasa nodded, scratching at the strange blocky scar on her leg with her other foot.

“We’ll wait another week, see what happens, but after that, we’re,” her mother looked at her father for a moment, “we’ll be doing something a little earlier than we expected to.”

Mikasa had no clue what that entailed, but she soon learned, because within the next few days, she found herself covered in scars.

When she was going out hunting with her dad, she looked down to find her leg was blanketed in pale blotchy marks. They encircled her entire leg, a patchy mess, almost tortoiseshell in appearance.

And then, the next morning, she found her eyes were paler than normal - a sea of milky greys.

That had to have been a pale ring around her tongue; and her arms, they were covered in similar markings, as if someone had decided to run a knife in a circle around her soulmate’s skin, time and time again.

Very shortly after, her mother and father sat her down in front of the fireplace. Inside the golden flame sat a long iron tool, glowing a bright red. Mikasa eyed it warily, but calmed when her mother hugged her close. “It’ll only hurt for a second, I promise.”

Her father grabbed the handle, walked over, and pressed it into her wrist. Mikasa had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming, but as her mother had promised, the metal was quickly removed from her skin and was carefully wrapped up after a soothing aloe was applied to the burning marks.

Her mother kissed her forehead lightly as Mikasa dried her tears. “What was that picture mom?”

“Something for you to pass down to your children, and your children’s children, and their children for years and years.”

“What do they mean? Those blades?”

Mikasa’s mother looked at her own brand and sighed, “Sometimes it’s hard to remember.”

As years passed, she gained more scars. She was never disfigured - all of them were marks alone, nearly decorative in nature - but she began to feel like she was. She had become a patchwork of colors, gaining scars that were as large as her entire body, and as those faded into a lighter color, freshly pink marks showed themselves again. It was a cycle, day after day after day after day.

She was unsure of how her soulmate was still alive, partly expecting to one day wake up and find her skin smooth and unblemished. But, time and time again, she would look in the mirror and see those same milky eyes staring right back. He - she had finally determined - was not dead, but she almost (loath as she was to admit it) wished he was. None of the kids would play with her anymore, and that was fine, up until she started to feel self-conscious. Was it because of the way she looked? Were too many scars considered to be ugly? Was she ugly now? And then she heard murmurs that her soulmate was a gangster, that she was attracted to bad people with bad histories and bad intentions. She didn’t believe it at first, choosing to trust her parents and their consoling words, but when she went into town and the adults began to say it too - she wondered if they were right.

But when three men came into her house, killed her father, killed her mother, and yanked on her hair as they began to take her away, she suddenly found herself very grateful for her soulmate.

“Stop. Stop! Look at her, Dumbass!” The man in the cap gripped the other kidnapper’s collar, making him let go of Mikasa. “We can’t fucking sell that.”

The one that let go of Mikasa - the one with the axe - grimaced as soon as he got a good look at Mikasa’s limp body. “Fuck… Fuck!”

“We wanted the mother, but you had to go and kill her.” The capped leader gritted his teeth. “We might have been able to sell the halfbreed, but she’s ugly as shit.”

“Yeah, well if you had-”

“We need to leave.” The third man was looking outside the window. “If we aren’t taking her then we need to get out. Now.”

The leader scratched his face before peering at the girl. She had kept her eyes closed as much as she could, feigning unconsciousness, and she was quite thankful for it, because they decided to leave her without finishing the job. One pair of boots exited, thean another, and finally, after a few breathless moments, the third went too.

Mikasa slowly opened her eyes, crawled over to her mother and father, and sobbed.

Her soulmate may have saved her, but her parents were dead, and nothing could change that.

She stayed with the Jaegers ever since that night. Their son, Eren, had been a welcome presence. He had taken her outside of her home, distracted her from the death of all she had known, wrapped her up in a scarf, and assured her that all would be fine - she would have a new home, a home with them.

At first, Mikasa was hesitant about the new situation. She was staying within Shiganshina. Everything was busy; shopkeepers opened up their stores in the early morning, customers rushed about, conversations swelled as the wind rose. It was crowded, and she felt stifled, having had barely any interaction as a child, especially with the scars she gained from her soulmate. And while she was no longer self-conscious of them - having been saved by them in the first place - she didn’t like having multiple eyes on her.

Eren protected her as best he could, and for that, she was grateful. In turn, she began to protect him - scaring off his bullies, keeping watch over him as he ventured off to watch the Survey Corps, offering news to his mother so she wouldn’t have to worry about her son. She felt loyalty, some sense of it, and so she followed him where he went, did what he did, and most of all, looked for her soulmate and the three kidnappers as she did it.

Mikasa was never able to find anything, even when the titans breached the wall, Carla died, and Grisha went missing.

As soon as she saw the colossal titan stretching above Wall Maria, the armored titan following shortly after, she knew she didn’t have time to be concerned about things like soulmates and revenge.

After a moment's thought, she agreed to go with Eren and Armin as they attempted to join the Training Corps. They were her only family in the world - the only ones that didn’t look at her like she was something undesirable. She would be with them through thick and thin, and she knew, in her heart, they’d need her. She had promised Carla that she’d protect him, and she wasn’t going to stop now.

And although she wanted to ignore the tiny voice in her head that spoke of another motive - access to the Underground - she knew it played a part in her decision.

They traveled to the training grounds after signing up, lining up one-by-one. She had to regulate her breathing as more people arrived, and Eren, having noticed, briefly offered a comforting hand, resting it on her shoulder before lurching away as the head instructor arrived.

Shadis went through the rounds.

Mikasa began to get an idea of her fellow cadets; most were stupid. There was an incident with a potato and a girl that had very little situational awareness. There was a freckled boy that spoke of the king as though he were a god to be revered. There was a blonde that said he wanted to “save humanity.”

She was passed over - whether it was because of her scars or her eyes that had clearly seen her fair share of violence, she didn’t know, but it saved her from the embarrassment of explaining, in front of everyone, about why she was so marked up. She didn’t really want to talk about her soulmate situation, but she should’ve known better.

As soon as she entered the mess hall, all eyes were on her.

Nobody spoke, and all quickly averted their gazes and returned to their previous conversations, but the topic hadn’t left anyone’s mind. It wasn’t too long before one boisterous boy began to brag about his soulmate, starting out soft before raising his voice in excitement - everyone could hear, whether they wanted to or not. “Well, I know her first name at least! And look at the handwriting. Isn’t it nice?” He nearly seemed giddy, pausing a moment, letting his tablemates get interested before continuing. “Hannah. It’s Hannah but I still have no idea-”

A squeak from the other table, but it was quickly drowned out with an increasingly raucous crescendo of voices.

“Your name was Franz, right?” Another boy with ash-brown hair mumbled. “Shut up, Franz.”

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry.” Franz blushed before awkwardly continuing down the path he probably shouldn’t have taken. “Do you… uh, do you not have…?”

“I do.” The boy seemed completely insulted at the insinuation, sitting up straighter. “I definitely do! She just, she hasn’t come up with anything to reply, that’s all.” He rubbed his upper forearm subconsciously, and Franz did everything in his power to avoid looking at him in pity.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Eren quietly snorted beside Mikasa, folding his arms across his chest.

The other boy heard, looking across the table to glare at him. “Yeah asshole? Better than being like your friend.”

Eren slammed his fists down on the table as soon as the words left the mouth of the boy - his name was Jean, right? - shoving the bench back as he advanced. “You better shut your mouth or I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Beat me up? I think you’ll need to call on your hound for that-” Jean paused, briefly glancing at Mikasa before running his eyes over Eren’s body. “Who are you to talk anyways? I don’t see any names on you.”

“Fuck off,” Eren replied, nails digging into his own flesh as he clenched his fists.

Mikasa nearly got up, sensing that this was about to escalate, but paused when someone else did it for her.

It was that one boy - Reiner - the one with the irrational dream to “save humanity.”

“Alright, come on you guys.” Reiner put himself between them, lightly pushing against both of their shoulders, trying to force them to separate without getting a punch to the face in the process. “I don’t have a soulmate either, but it isn’t something to get embarrassed or angry about. It’s natural. It happens.”

Jean backed up, slightly, but didn’t seem too pleased at Reiner’s words. “I do have a soulmate. I can feel it.”

“Well, until you find them, you’re just gonna be feeling yourself for a while,” Reiner chuckled and then coughed when he saw Mikasa watching the exchange. “Uh, but, anyways, don’t want to get Shadis involved on the first day, right?” He patted Jean’s shoulder briefly, looked startled for a second when the boy’s sleeve raised, but calmed his expression so quickly that Mikasa wondered if she had imagined it.

Eren grumbled but eventually sat back down, pausing a moment before motioning to Reiner. The tall blonde hesitated, looking back to an even taller brunette boy, before eventually sliding onto a bench space across from Mikasa and Eren, beside Armin. “The name’s Reiner.”

“Eren.” Eren began.

“Mine’s Armin. Nice to meet you!”

“Mikasa.” She followed Eren’s example, keeping it nice and brief, unsure of what Reiner was going to say now that he was right next to her, getting all the details of her mottley scars.

In the end, Eren was the one who began. “So you don’t have a soulmate? And you’re just… okay with that?”

“Yeah,” Reiner said, scratching the back of his neck, “It’s never really been a concern of mine, especially since our hometown seems to be cursed.” He laughed, but Eren frowned; Armin’s eyes immediately lit up.

“Not ghosts and demons or anything.” He waved his hands in front of his face, trying to dispel the swirling thoughts in the air. “Having a soulmate is rare there. Maybe one or two every generation. I grew up used to the idea, so it doesn’t bother me.”

Armin started to open his mouth, but before a deluge of questions could come out, Eren interrupted, “But how do you-? When everyone else-?”

Reiner got the gist of what he wanted to say and grinned. “Not having a soulmate doesn’t mean you can’t find love. And there are other things to focus on in the meantime.”

“Like ‘saving humanity?’” Mikasa spoke, looking up.

“Ahh, you heard that.” He looked slightly embarrassed before hesitantly taking in her appearance. “I’m guessing those aren’t all your scars?”

“No.”

“How is-?”

“How’s he alive?” Mikasa didn’t quite feel like talking about it, but she had no reason to spurn him away, not yet, so she continued. “I don’t know.”

Eren watched her and then turned back to Reiner. “We think he’s from the underground. All sorts of things happen there… I doubt scars like that would be an uncommon sight.”

“Huh,” Reiner said, appearing to think long and hard about that. “Well, at least it should be obvious when you meet him.”

Eren laughed and continued talking with Reiner and Armin as Mikasa stared down at her hands, whispering, “It’s been a lot harder than you’d think.”

Reiner was struggling. Training was fine, making friends was fine, but his mental state was a mess. He didn’t know when it started, and he didn’t know if it would ever end. This nightmare of right or wrong and friends or family and Paradis or Marley and-

Sometimes he would become something new to avoid it all.

And lately, as graduation approached, he found himself becoming more and more like a Soldier.

It was to avoid the truth. None of these people were ‘devils’ like he had been told. He had begun to figure that out the first night that they joined the Training Corps. Because there, on Jean’s arm, had been the writing Pieck was puzzling about for years. And if he was Pieck’s soulmate, he couldn’t have been a devil. They had been taught to believe that nobody could be soulmates with the evil race across the seas, but there was the proof, right in front of him.

There were still doubts. Why hadn’t Jean received any of Pieck’s replies? Had Reiner misremembered Pieck’s marks? But he shook his head, dispelling them. He had tried to help Pieck, time and time again, following her like a puppy dog as she had him pour through books in the library with her.

No, he had that mark memorized. And it was definitely Jean’s.

So why, why had Marley gone to such lengths? People couldn’t be soulmates with devils unless they were devils themselves, and for all of Marley’s teachings that they were somehow just a step above the Eldians on Paradis, Reiner could no longer force himself to believe it.

Which made his times of clarity all the more difficult, because he had a mission and that mission needed to be completed. If he didn’t, then he, his family, and his Warrior friends would all be killed. It was all his choice, and he wasn’t sure if he could make it, not when he had found some sense of true happiness there among the devils.

But there he was, beside Annie and Bertholdt, saying, “One more time.”

He hated himself as soon as the words exited his mouth, and it must have been clear as he walked back to the barracks, because he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

It was Mikasa, her pale eyes meeting his own.

While he had interacted with her many times over their years of training, she mainly kept to herself. When she wasn’t with Eren or Armin, she was alone, and most of her one-on-one interactions with others were very short. He didn’t remember a time where she had actually initiated something, not with him at least, so he looked down at her in slight surprise. “Yeah, I’m-” something inside him shifted, “No. No, I guess I’m not.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” He sighed, looked toward the dark and empty mess hall, and then turned back to her. “At least, not without something to eat. Want to join me?”

“I did offer, didn’t I?” Mikasa kicked at the ground with the tip of her boot before pausing, “But won’t we get in trouble for that?”

“Only if we get caught.” Reiner was starting to feel better, appreciating the distraction, while at the same time feeling a deep sense of guilt in the pit of his stomach. “I can also just go in alone and bring it-”

“No,” Mikasa looked halfway annoyed at the suggestion, “If I don’t come with you, you won’t have a chance.”

“Fair point,” Reiner grinned and slowly approached one of the side doors to the mess hall, “It would be a bit of a ‘bull in a china shop’ situation, wouldn’t it?”

Mikasa nodded, slightly smiling, before she slunk into the darkness. “You wait just outside the kitchen. I’ll pass everything to you.”

He was about to protest, wondering what exactly she’d be selecting, but stopped for fear of creating too much noise as they raided military property. He followed after her, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, and then tried to avoid stepping on the creaky planks of wood as he made his way to the door of the kitchen. He couldn’t hear much going on inside - a testament to Mikasa’s ability - but it didn’t make him any less nervous, not actually being there to help out. After all, Shadis had added another person on watch after a certain someone had stolen most of the meat reserves - not that she had ever been “caught” in the literal sense of the term.

He did want to do this, he had suggested it, but trusting someone else to do it for him was a lot different than slipping in and out himself.

Reiner shouldn’t have been concerned; only a few moments later, Mikasa peeped out and stacked a few items in his arms. She went back in, came out for a second time, handed him a little more, and motioned him out.

At the exact time they were exiting the mess hall, a swinging lantern of orange appeared just beyond the hill. The watchman was approaching, and quickly. The pair briefly exchanged looks, Reiner peering at the distant treeline with an adrenaline fueled grin. “There.”

The two took off, the clanking noise of the food tins just a little too loud, their footsteps just a little too heavy, and Reiner’s laughter a bit too bright. But they made it, somehow, sliding behind one of the grass slopes to sit amongst the trees.

Reiner peered back, watching as the orange light paused for a second before moving away. He let out a sigh of relief, and when he met Mikasa’s eyes, he couldn’t help but grin. “Well, we made it.”

To his surprise, Mikasa grinned back. “So all it takes for you to feel better is a little bit of thievery, huh? I’ll keep that in mind before I ask you if you want to talk first.”

“Yeah, well.” He didn’t bother denying it, setting up the four tins on the ground. “Why’d you agree to that anyway? I thought you were more… you know…”

“Straight-laced?”

He pulled at a piece of grass, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. “Yeah?”

“You’re not wrong. Not exactly. But tonight was for me too.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m always with Eren and Armin, you see that, and I’m mainly here for their sake. But I also joined the military for another reason.”

“I’m guessing it has something to do with your soulmate?”

“That and three other things - people, actually.”

He waited for her to explain, but when she didn’t, he turned to the more obvious topic. “Are you worried about him?”

“I owe him my life, and with all of these scars,” She gestured to herself, “constantly showing me what he’s going through… I just need to help him, somehow.” She paused. “Every day I worry I’m going to wake up with all of them gone.”

“You needed a distraction then, same as me.” He wondered if he should reach out, place a comforting hand on her shoulder, do anything really, but he held back.

She nodded, distant now. He left her alone with her thoughts as he opened up the tins, eyes widening when he saw what was inside.

“How’d you know?” He turned on her, waking her from her trance. “You knew exactly what I liked, how’d you-?”

Although it was night out, he could see her duck her head, cheeks growing darker. “I’m observant. That’s all.”

“I’ll say.” Reiner dug in, passing her what he assumed to be her own choices. “Hey, why don’t you hang out with more of us then? I honestly thought you didn’t care much for anyone else, but…”

She shrugged, poking at a stew with her spoon. “I need to stay with Eren and Armin. I made a promise, and I’ll fulfill it, even if I have to die in the process.”

Reiner coughed, “Woah, okay, a little dark there.”

“It’s just the truth.” Mikasa paused before rummaging around in her right pocket. “Oh! Almost forgot. I grabbed these too.” She held out her hand, and inside, a wrapped piece of hard candy.

“Holy shit. I’m never going to doubt your abilities to raid pantries ever again.” He reached over and took it from her, unwrapping it right away.

“Only took two,” she mumbled as she put the second in her mouth. “Shadis may notice the missing food, but if he notices any candy gone?”

“Hell.”

“Yep.”

They sat in silence, savoring the candy, before Mikasa frowned. “Aren’t you a bit straight-laced too? You’re ranked first. Shouldn’t you be a little more…?”

“I felt like breaking the rules.” Reiner grinned, undertones of deeper thoughts crossing over his face as he leaned back. “And look. It worked. I even got a pretty-” He paused as Mikasa very clearly waved one of her scarred hands out in front of her. Reiner revised his statement. “I even got a pretty, totally taken friend to join me.”

They finished the rest of their food in silence, up until Reiner’s curiosity got the best of him. “So you’ll be headed to the military police then? To go to the Underground?”

“That’s the plan. For now. But with Eren…” She shook her head.

“Well, if you do join up with them, I’ll see you there.” He smiled and she gave him one of her own.

“Yeah, see you there.”

As Reiner leaned forward to start closing the tins, he began to chuckle, and when Mikasa eyed him questioningly, he met her gaze with a wicked grin. “You know what would be hilarious?”

Reiner knew what was coming, but he still started when Shadis slammed open the door to the mess hall the next morning. The instructor was pissed, and it took everything in Reiner not to suddenly snort and give himself away.

“Somebody.” Ah, shit. It was coming, and it wasn’t gonna be pretty. “Thought it would be a great idea to steal food from the kitchen last night. And they also thought it would be extra cute to stack those used tins right in front of my doorway.” Shadis stalked into the room, although his eyes were on a single person. “Sasha. Get up.”

The red-head quickly scrambled to her feet, swallowing the piece of bread she had been eating, her eyes wide. “Wait! Sir! I didn’t even do it this time!”

“This time?”

Sasha turned a deep red as she meekly followed after the instructor, Reiner and Mikasa exchanging triumphant looks as soon as the doors were closed. Their pyramid of mockery, topped with crinkling, passive aggressive wrappers, was a success.

Ever since their late-night rendezvous, Reiner and Mikasa spent more time together. None of it was romantic in nature, Reiner had since closed himself off to the idea, and Mikasa had someone she dreamed of meeting one day, but they found something in one another. Something new and different. Something separate from their normal lives.

For a time, Reiner wasn’t worried about Annie or Bertholdt, or being a Warrior at all.

For a time, Mikasa wasn’t worried about Armin or Eren, or her revenge at all.

It was a distraction, and it was dangerous. They knew better. They had responsibilities, promises, but when they walked together, when they talked together, everything else faded away. It was like there was something between them, something ethereally natural, but if either of them noticed, it was never said.

It all changed with the attack on Trost.

Reiner had stayed with Annie and Bertholdt. While they had planned to breach the inner gate, they immediately stopped with the arrival of the newest clue - perhaps the very solution to their entire mission. And with that solution came horror, because as he and Bertholdt were speaking, Marco appeared. And he heard everything. They had to kill him. They had to kill him, but it split Reiner in two. Fully this time.

Bertholdt was already fearful of Reiner’s deteriorating state, but his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when he watched a small marking appear and disappear on Reiner’s face - one that matched Mikasa’s own bloody cut in its entirety.

Bertholdt never said a word. He would toss and turn in his sleep, even more than usual, a mess of sweat and increasing anxiety as they grew closer to the day it would all fall apart. If he kept it from Reiner, then they could do what needed to be done, and hopefully, hopefully his friend would be none the wiser. Because if he did, if Bertholdt shared the truth he had always suspected, then he knew they’d fail.

He hated lying. He hated pretending that all was fine, especially when it wasn’t. But what else could he do? He needed to get home to his father, he needed to make sure Annie did the same. He couldn’t fail on account of a soulmate - Reiner’s or otherwise.

So he stayed quiet.

‘It’s for the best,’ he assured himself, even as everything inside him whispered that he was a traitor.

Not to Marley, but to his friend.

“You’re joining the Survey Corps, aren’t you?” Reiner stood beside Mikasa, staring up at the stage. “For him?”

“I nearly lost him once. I can’t let it happen again.” Her gaze was hardened, her lips thin. “And you’re joining too… Why?”

“Too attached to you,” he said, smiling in jest with just a hint of solemnity, “I can’t help it.”

“I know it’s not that. Why, really?”

“Remember what you liked to make fun of me for? I guess it never really left my mind. And after Trost… after all of that… I think I need to see it through.”

“Saving humanity,” She said.

“Saving humanity,” He echoed.

Mikasa felt wrong as she approached Wall Rose. After having had a few years of relative silence from her soulmate, she suddenly found a new mark on her arm, one that suggested a bite. A bite that didn’t belong to a human. Her soulmate was still alive, but he must have been near the wall. They’d broken through. Somehow, they’d broken through.

She urged her horse forward, ignoring the look Eren was exchanging with Armin. She had stepped out while Hange spoke with them, preparing the horses for their trip to join up with the rest of the Survey Corps. They clearly learned something, but she wasn’t concerned with it. Not yet.

She was so close to finding him. So close.

If he didn’t die before she got there.

They cleared out the titans from Utgard Castle before heading up to Wall Rose. She had seen Reiner once during that time, his arm wrapped up in bandages, his expression revealing everything and nothing all at once. Mikasa wanted to speak to him, but she’d have to wait. She needed to figure out where the breach and her soulmate were.

And then she learned that there wasn’t one.

There wasn’t a breach.

She slowly turned, each step feeling like lead. There. Just a distance away. Eren, Bertholdt, and Reiner.

And as she grew closer, inch by inch, she began to hear words. Words that she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe. But as he began to unwrap his arm, as he began to move forward towards Eren, as he began to look up, guilt filling his eyes as soon as he met her own - she knew.

He had betrayed them all.

Something in her awoke, a roar of lightning coursing through her every nerve, and she leapt forward, pushing Eren out of the way.

Her blades struck his arms, cutting off one of his hands, embedding in the other.

And as his flesh was sliced, fresh lines appeared on her own skin.

Reiner froze, looking down at her scars before looking up at her, his eyes widening in horror. “No.”

She hadn’t believed it until that moment, until his eyes met hers and they stared at one another in hatred and love and loss and guilt and longing for something different.

He opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak. And she found she couldn’t either. Their eyes were the only thing tethering them to the earth, and as Reiner looked down, she followed, the spell breaking.

Mikasa removed her blades, Bertholdt bit his hand, Reiner shifted with him, and she was left on the wall alone.

Soulmates were chained to destiny; she had never fully understood that, but she did now.