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Zhengting has liked him for four years now.
In the grand scheme of everything, he supposed that he could say that he and Cai Xukun were good friends. He knew his likes, his dislikes. He knew about his dreams, his past, what his schedule was like from last week to two weeks later. He’d been there when Xukun broke down from the pressure of the school year, and Xukun had shown up at his dorm in the middle of the night when Zhengting’s family dog had gotten hit by a car with ice cream and hugs in his arms. He knew his coffee order, what brand of shampoo he liked to use, what songs were on his playlists.
But that just contributed even more to his massive crush on the other boy. Zhengting didn’t like to admit it, but he couldn’t even count the number of times he had gotten jealous when Xukun was approached by some pretty boy or girl also drawn into the sparkling it-boy on campus.
(He had to accept it though; there were too many people who would fall desperately in love with Cai Xukun. People like him.)
Sometimes, when he wasn’t completely in control of his thoughts, all he could think about was confessing to the man. He’d think about that fantasy where Xukun would hold his hand with his long, slender fingers, press them to his chest and beam at him, his rosy cheeks shining at him as he nodded his head to him. And he’d be so happy. So damn happy.,
But then, he’d remind himself.
He doesn’t like you. He’s your friend.
Is it worth it to lose someone so dear to you as a friend over something as stupid as this?
***
Today was May 20th. 520 .
There were only a few weeks until they were to graduate. Zhengting was preparing himself for another round of medical school, and Xukun was to move a couple hours away to work at some record firm.
‘A couple of hours away’ didn’t really mean that Zhengting would never see him again, or that they would stop being friends, but it definitely meant that if they didn’t actively try to keep the friendship, they could stop being as close as they were before. And that could be good for Zhengting.
He thought that maybe, before graduating, he should come clean and tell him the truth.
There was just a little nagging thought at the back of his head that tickled him every once in a while, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.
He imagined showing up, five, ten years later at Cai Xukun’s wedding, the hand of some other man or woman on his arm, watching Xukun smile that dazzling smile at someone else.
And he’d hurt. Wonder which was worse: losing him completely, or undergo some slow torture as he watched Cai Xukun fall in love with someone else.
Before confessing to Xukun, Zhengting drank himself into a disastrous state. Not exactly wasted (it took a lot to get him in that state), but tipsy, and in the right mind to be brave (and dumb) enough to what he needed to do. Still, that didn’t prevent his hands from shaking as he pressed Xukun’s number on his phone.
“Hey, Xukun?” Zhengting ventured, his words slightly slurred, as soon as he heard the call go through. His head was spinning, his heart in his throat.
“Hello?”
He froze.
It was a woman’s voice, all soft and confused.
And while Xukun had female friends, they usually weren’t at his apartment at three in the morning.
(Zhengting used to feel special, because Xukun didn’t let anyone but Zhengting in his pristine clean apartment, filled with music lyrics and the wisps of songs at every corner, after midnight. He supposed that he was wrong to feel that way, then.)
“Hello?” he choked out. “Xukun?”
“Who are you?” The woman’s voice grew hostile. “Why are you calling Xukun so late at night?”
Fuck.
The courage that he had just drank himself into ran out, and Zhengting felt an awful sour feeling fill his chest. He sniffed once, twice, blinking himself sober fast, and immediately hung up.
He didn’t really want to cry -- not when he should have known it was so hopeless in the first place -- but he still couldn’t stop the tears from trickling down his face and into the corners of his mouth. He looked down again, saw no calls from Xukun coming through, and, his heart sinking, turned off his phone.
***
Zhengting hadn’t finished his cry before a rough banging at his dorm stirred him from the curled up position he had assumed on his bed. He dragged himself up, his eyes still steaming and his throat still burning, and slumped his way to the door.
He had a feeling it was Xiao Gui. Xiao Gui or Ziyi or Zhangjing. They were the ones who knew about his massive crush on Xukun after all, and after his one distressed “:(“ in their group chat, he suspected that they could put some puzzle pieces together and come visit him.
But when he dragged the door open, it wasn’t either of them. It wasn’t even his neighbour, who he probably had woken up by now with his sobbing.
It was Xukun.
And he didn’t look happy.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Xukun snarled as soon as Zhengting raised his eyes to meet his. He leaned against the doorframe, his fingers gripping the edges so hard that they were turning white at the knuckles. “You call, sob, and hang up even before I can say anything? And you won’t pick up any of my calls, or answer any of my texts?”
“I-I had my phone off,” Zhengting sniffled. He felt small, pinned to the ground by Xukun’s furious gaze. He suddenly was very aware of the snot drying on his face, his bloodshot eyes, and the salty tear trails down his cheeks. “Why are you here?”
Xukun stomped into the room and shoved the door shut. “I wasn’t even home! I called my cousin along for an emergency shopping trip, and your call comes and she picks the phone up, only to hear you sob and hang up as soon as she says something. And no matter how many times I call you back or text you, you won’t reply to anything! So I had to come over.” He leaned into Zhengting, staring at him so fiercely that Zhengting stumbled back a bit, his back pressed against his wall.
“What? It’s 520 isn’t it? Did the person you confessed to reject you?”
Zhengting paused for a moment, stared at Xukun’s large, fiery doe eyes, and nodded sadly.
Xukun scoffed. “Which fucking idiot did that? Which asshole’s eyes are that blind? Tell me. I’ll go take care of them for you.”
Zhengting looked up at him, shuffled his feet, then choked a little.
“You,” he whispered pathetically, almost sobbing again.
Xukun stared at him for a few moments, his face going blank. Then, before the look of disgust or frown that Zhengting was expecting could cross his face, he chuckled.
No, he laughed, the sound light and relieved.
“Then, maybe that asshole wasn’t too blind after all.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny box. He grabbed Zhengting’s hand and slipped it into it, revealing a beautiful necklace chain.
“I thought that I wouldn’t be able to give away this gift that my cousin and I searched for all night when you called and I thought you got rejected by the person you liked. But I guess I can give it to its rightful owner after all.”