Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Freshman Year

Dazai Osamu does not like school. 

Everything about it is the definition of tiring, boring and a waste of time. He hates the way he walks into the building, the way he has to forcefully shuffle through mobs of high schoolers. He hates the way his shoulders bump into jocks that are way taller than him. He hates the smell of perfume and axe body spray suffocating him to his last breath so early in the morning. 

The title of being a first year is weighing him down with every step he takes. 

Being the new kid at a completely different school makes him want to throw up. And to be honest, he did throw up. Once, yesterday night before he went to bed, and second, this morning when he tried putting on his shoes before heading out the door. He didn’t even have the energy to eat breakfast. 

“Hey, watch where you’re going bitch .” A boy’s voice grunts right after Dazai’s shoulder unintentionally collides with someone a foot taller than him. 

A fourth year probably…? 

Dazai doesn’t bother saying anything back in response. He simply keeps walking and doesn’t look back. But that’s okay because the boy has continued walking too, laughing out loud like an elephant with his friend and already ignoring Dazai’s existence. It’s the usual for him. He's used to it. 

It’s eight in the morning and the bell has rung, blaring out a huge sound every three seconds. Dazai knows it’s the late bell, signaling that it’s his last chance to get out of the halls before security comes to check up on loitering students. 

He always debates on keeping his head up high or down low. It usually depends on the situation and where he is. He’s noticed that if you keep your head up high, people will be less likely to pick on you. If you keep your head low, they’ll notice you more. It also depends on your height. And unfortunately, fourteen year old Dazai only stands barely five feet tall. He’s bound to become a target if he isn’t careful. 

It’s weird, right? It’s like people pick you out like an ant. They pick you out just to pound you back onto the floor. Humans are strange.

Dazai doesn’t really understand, but he’ll do what he has to do to fit in. 

A few senior girls walk past Dazai. One of them flips her hair right onto his face without noticing. He immediately shoves the strands away, already annoyed by this inconvenience. A simple whiff of her perfume makes him want to run a hundred yards away.

And that’s saying something, because Dazai doesn’t even have the physical capability to run. 

Why are there so many fourth years here anyway? He thinks, starting to get irritated.

And where the hell was his class? All these new smells, sounds, and people were starting to tick him off.

A sudden hot flare seems to go off in his body, making his throat feel parched. Without noticing, Dazai starts picking on the pale skin underneath his bandages. 

His eye catches a group of people walking towards his direction, so he moves to the corner of the hallway, right by the polished blue lockers. He leans against the wall and sighs. Taking off his bag, he digs inside to find his schedule. 

He exhales, concentrating on finding out where his first period class was. A low scoff of annoyance leaves his lips when he realizes that he’s been walking on the wrong floor.

No wonder there were so many fourth years here...the first years’ floor is upstairs…

Shit. His head is already hurting. His stomach feels empty and it’s aching. He feels a little light headed from all that walking so early in the morning. Forget about walking up a few more flights of stairs, he was sure he would faint if he took one more step. 

Dazai gulps. He suddenly feels a rush of sickness. He curses once more in his head. Eating in the morning always made him feel sick—but not eating also made him feel sick! What was there left to do?! 

He looks around the vacant hallway. There are only a few students lounging around, probably skipping classes because they’re fourth years.

Other than that, Dazai is left alone. Not that he minds being alone—but he seems to be the only puny first year hugging his stomach and looking all pale leaning against the lockers. 

Shit. This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

For a split second, Dazai considers skipping school altogether and hiding somewhere for the day. I mean, it’s not like he’s scared of what the teacher might say or what work he’ll miss.

He sure doesn’t have the energy to walk upstairs with his heavy ass bag full of books...and he’s feeling sick...and no one will notice him gone his first day here...and...and… alright, fine! 

Finalizing his decision, Dazai takes a quick glance in both directions of the hallway, grabs his bag, and slings it over his shoulder. The fourth years’ floor is nearly empty so that must also mean the rooms are empty too…

Wrong. 

Dazai walks for quite a while, trying to find an empty classroom or office. Even an empty storage closet could work in this moment.

Either the rooms are locked or they have a few people lounging around in them. Dazai definitely doesn’t want to experience the awkwardness of meeting a fourth year face to face right now. Especially when he’s supposed to be in class. 

...There...finally! 

His eyes partially light up for a moment, seeing the dark empty room ahead of him. He quietly walks to the door, still cautious.

Carefully, he peeks through the glass window. He can’t see anyone. There’s a dim light, but Dazai thinks it’s mandatory for teachers to leave at least once source of lighting in an empty room. 

Once again, he glances in both directions of the hallway, making sure that no one is watching him. Looking forward, he ever so gently turns the doorknob. It makes a slight ‘click’ noise, but luckily that’s all it does.

Within two seconds of stepping into the room, a fresh cool breeze of air immediately hits his neck. It feels so good. Especially since his uniform has been suffocating his body this whole morning. 

The room appears to be a library. Or better yet, an old dusty and unused library. It’s not so big; it only has a few shelves but that’s more than enough for Dazai. What he likes most about it is that it’s quiet, dim, and seems to lack any human presence. He can’t wait to take off his coat, grab a book, and maybe take a nap while listening to some music… 

The thought makes his stomach feel a little bit better. 

Just as he’s about to put his bag down, he hears a noise come from the corner. His arms involuntarily jolt at the sudden noise. His heart begins beating, but he quickly stops the acceleration.

Maybe it wasn’t a person? Maybe it was just one of those creepy building noises…?

Dazai tries to listen out for the noise again. One second passes...and then another...and finally a third and fourth. When it feels like a minute has passed, Dazai stands absolutely still.

Good. it wasn’t a person. He lets out a breath of relief, gulping in the process. 

Now to get a good book… 

A small smile appears on his lips as he rubs his hands together like a little kid ready to steal some candy. Books have always had a big place in his life. They were like an escape from him . 'Him' meaning, his own self.

Creating and thinking about fictional people was way easier than thinking about himself and reality. Without a second thought, Dazai turns the little corner just to be met face to face with another man. 

What the fuck. 

Dazai jumps back, quite literally shaken up by the sudden appearance. The man has a calm expression, no evidence of emotion expressed, except slight confusion.

He has dark red hair and is a foot taller than Dazai. Dazai gulps, trying to stand taller and pushes his shoulders back. He almost laughs at his own weak attempt to seem more intimidating. 

“What’s wrong?” the man speaks up, his voice smooth and deep. He’s standing in front of a bookshelf, holding an open book and flipping through the pages.

Dazai blinks a few times. “Nothing’s wrong. What makes you say that?” 

The man blinks back, then shrugs his shoulders. “Oh. Alright. You just looked a bit shaken up, that’s all.” he goes back to his book. Dazai resists the urge to make any sound of confusion.

The man looks to be a student of the school, he wears the same boys uniform as Dazai. But Dazai can’t tell if he’s a second or third year. If he was in casual clothing, the man could probably pass as an adult.

But what was he doing here? 

As if on cue, the man speaks up. “I always come here to pass time with books.” 

Oh. 

For some reason, Dazai has never bothered to change that stereotype of himself. One where  he is the quiet loner kid.

The persona that he has created (and was somehow pushed onto him since his childhood) has stuck. The idea that someone else would be in this small stuffy library interested in books has never crossed his mind.

Speaking of, Dazai is getting tired of calling him ‘the man’ in his head. He intently stares at the person in front of him with wide eyes.

The man seems concentrated in his book, ignoring Dazai. The brunette doesn’t like this. He thought he was fine with being ignored, but for some reason this isn’t the case. 

The man looks up at him and sets his book down. “Sorry, I was finishing up the last few sentences. This book was a good one. Although, the ending was terrible. I might have to look for the third volume.” he sighs.

When Dazai doesn’t respond back, the man tilts his head. 

“Oh, Right. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Oda Sakunosuke. I’m a third year at this school.” he holds out a hand for Dazai to shake.

Dazai takes the hand and the two shake for three seconds before dropping them. It’s a solid three seconds though. His hand was firm and calloused. The feeling lingers on Dazai’s fingertips. 

“Dazai Osamu. First year.” he nods at him. Oda doesn’t attempt to smile, but instead his eyes look right into Dazai’s. There was something about his eyes that made the brunette feel safe.

It was weird, he has never felt that way with anyone before. Dazai has a feeling Oda isn’t like other third years. He seems mature, but Dazai holds back the thought in fear of speaking too soon. 

“What brings you here, Dazai?”

The question catches him a little bit off guard. Oda does seem laid back, but who’s to say he won’t snitch if Dazai tells him the truth? That he’s skipping school? 

The brunette resists the urge to crack his knuckles from inside his coat pocket. “I got lost.” he easily lies through his teeth.

Oda glances at him, pauses, then slowly nods. “Ah, so you’re skipping school.” 

What. The. Fuck. 

If Dazai’s face could hold any emotion right now, it’d be one of being deadpanned. But instead, his face was still. Just in slight awe, eyebrows furrowed. Oda lets out a small chuckle, taking in Dazai’s reaction. 

“You’re a first year, right? You must be new, seeing as though I’ve never seen your face around here. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you’re skipping. I’ve been in your shoes before.” 

Dazai is unsure of what to say. This is a strange situation to say the least. How can he trust his words? Is this some sort of trap?

Even though he’s hesitant of what was happening, a part of him feels relieved. He really needs that nap. His head would soon start pounding from the all nighter he pulled. 

“Well, I’ll be leaving then.” 

The words snap Dazai out of his trance, making him look up at Oda who is starting to get his bag from the table.

Dazai watches him set his beige coat on his arm, grab the empty coffee mug, and sling his bag over his shoulder. He seems to be moving at a normal speed, but for some reason Dazai’s eyes slow the movements down.

Just as Oda is about to open the door and leave, Dazai finds himself calling out, his voice a little hoarse. “W-wait!” 

Oda pauses, then turns back, shooting Dazai a questioning look. 

“Uh…” Dazai isn’t sure what to say. Shit, he doesn’t even know why he called out in the first place. Oda seems to pick up on that. His expression softens. 

“Do you need anything?” he gently asks. Dazai tries not to shuffle on his feet. He blinks a few times. “Um...will you come here again?” 

Oda nods. “Yeah, but not that much. I come here in the mornings before my noon class. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you. A few teachers might come here around noon, but other than that, you have this place to yourself.” 

Oh. 

Dazai isn’t really sure if that’s the answer he wanted. He isn’t sure if he really wanted anything for that matter. So he simply nods. 

And with that, Oda turns around and steps a foot outside. But before leaving, he glances back. “See you around, kid.” 

***

Dazai has been lounging around for quite a while.

He doesn’t mind, of course. The room was no longer stuffy once he opened a window to let the cool air in. The view isn’t anything special. Just a few trees shading a patch of grass and cars going by every once in a while.

He doesn’t hate it. It’s actually pretty nice. A nice bonus is that the bookshelves create a type of “cave” he can hide in. 

So that’s what he’s been doing. 

With his headphones on his ears, uniform jacket under his head, he’s been napping for a good three hours. It was probably noon by now, he guesses.

Nothing specific had woken him up, it was more like his eyes had just snapped open and refused to shut back close no matter how hard he tried. And just like that, the sleep had gone away.

But he’s still tired.

A yawn leaves his mouth. It’s one of those yawns that makes him stretch his body. The kind that feels good in his spine. He slowly opens his eyes. For a few moments, time seems to stop.

The temperature of the room was just right, the air flowing through the window blows on his fluffy brown hair. His bangs need to be trimmed. He will probably do that soon. 

Suddenly, the school bell rings. 

Shit. An exhale of annoyance leaves his mouth. He had figured out that noon was the time that everyone in the school building will  be moving around. Some leaving, some going to their next class. Most importantly, Oda had said that some teachers would be coming here at noon. That meant he needed to leave soon. 

“It was nice while it lasted.” He sighs, getting up and grabbing his coat. He leaves his headphones hanging around his neck and dims the small lamp on the table.

Swinging his bag over his shoulder, he blows some hair out of his face. 

He carefully opens the door, exiting the room. As soon as he does, a huge something comes his way. 

“Woa-OH!” Dazai cries out, his back colliding with the floor. He doesn’t have time to process or see anything that’s happening.

The only thing he’s able to see is a big flash of... bright red hair?

Opening his eyes from the sudden impact of a fucking body colliding with him, his face morphs into surprise.

It was a ginger. A ginger haired boy , that is.

He’s currently flopped on top of him, his small body laid across Dazai’s chest. The boy suddenly leaps up, getting off of Dazai and dusting off his pants.

Once he realizes Dazai is still on the floor, the ginger offers a hand to lift him up. 

“Sorry about that.” the boy scratches the back of his neck, effortlessly pulling up Dazai from the ground. Dazai isn’t surprised, seeing as though he’s lighter than a twig.

The ginger sends dirty glares to the two boys behind him. The boys only snicker, laughing out loud. Dazai is suddenly feeling very...awkward...

“I’m Chuuya.” the ginger says. He looks at Dazai’s face, then down his arms, eyeing his bandages. When he raises an eyebrow, Dazai suddenly feels a little self conscious.

An uneasy feeling begins to grow in his stomach. It isn’t as if people have never stared at his bandages. He’s used to it. But this felt weird for some reason. It’s even weirder how Chuuya's eyes held no hostility in them. 

“Dazai.” the brunette answers, subtlety clearing his throat and hiding his arms behind his back. Chuuya nods, but keeps quiet. He’s quite short, a few inches shorter than Dazai.

He looks like he would still be in middle school, but his uniform says otherwise.

Speaking of his uniform, Chuuya’s uniform is  different from his. He has on a dark red coat, white dress shirt, blue tie, and green plaid pants. The different colors and patterns are definitely bold and odd, but somehow Chuuya managed to pull it off. And he looks...good. 

“Well, uh...I’ll be going now.” Chuuya sighs, nodding at Dazai and turning back to his friends. Dazai watches his friends continue laughing, unable to hide their giggles. 

“God, shut up Tachihara! You too Kaji! It’s too late for this.” Chuuya practically snarls, aggressively scratching his head and bonking the other redhead on the shoulder. 

As Dazai watches the three walk away, his eyes never seemed to leave Chuuya’s body.

The only thing he can clearly remember is his short bright red hair that hung a little above his neck and his bright blue eyes.

Dazai has never seen someone with that kind of hair. And even though Tachihara also seems to be a redhead, Dazai has a strong feeling it’s dyed. 

An image of Chuuya’s face flashes through his mind.

Chuuya has freckles.

A handful of light brown dots speckles the center of his face and the bridge of his nose. They’re barely noticeable, one could only see them if they were as close as the two boys were a few minutes ago. 

Huh.

Dazai picks up his bag but this time, properly wears it by resting it over both his shoulders.

He grips the straps and sways a few times on his heels. Putting his headphones back on his ears, he turns on the music and begins walking away. 

What an eventful day. 

Chapter Text

Five days.

Dazai has known Oda for only five days. But it feels like years.

Somehow along the way, he kept running into Oda and so now they apparently “hung out.”

Or whatever it was called. 

It isn’t anything special. Dazai would arrive at the small library in the morning, and Oda would come in not even an hour later.

The two would simply bask in peace. Dazai would lounge around, sometimes take naps and skim through books. But Oda always appeared to be writing in his own book. He never told Dazai what it was about, so the brunette never asked. 

It was strange, though. At least, strange for Dazai.

It wasn’t normal for him to be around someone and just simply...be at peace. He doesn’t mind it. And somehow along the way, Dazai had given Oda the nickname “Odasaku.”

Oda never showed any disliking to it, so the name stuck.  

“Hey, Odasaku.” 

He looks up, turning his head towards Dazai. “Hm?” 

Dazai sits up from his spot by the windowsill. He hangs his headphones by his neck and blinks a couple times. “You’ve never told me what you’re writing about.” 

Oda looks at him for a second, as if pondering what to say. It takes several seconds before he turns back and scratches his head.

“Well...I’m not exactly sure. This book—” he holds up the book in his hand. “—I read it as a first year. This is the second volume but it appears there isn’t a third.” 

“Oh, so you plan on writing the third?” Dazai quirks an eyebrow. Oda slowly nods. “Yeah. When I first finished the second volume, I was...angered by the ending. So I took it upon myself to find the author of the book.” 

Dazai’s eyebrows slightly rise.

Who chases after an author when they don’t like the ending of a book? It must mean a lot to him… 

Oda clears his throat, continuing. “The author, Natsume Soseki, told me there wasn’t a third book. He told me to write the ending of it. And so I accepted. Here I am, trying to write it.” he sighs.

Dazai senses hints of sadness? Laced in his voice. 

“That’s cool.” he simply states. Although he sounds uninterested, it’s quite the opposite. He thinks it’s admirable how Oda wants to write. Writing sounds cool. 

“Enough about me,” Oda clears his throat. He turns in his chair to look at Dazai. “What about you? Why’d you transfer to this school?” 

Oh.

Dazai gulps, blinking a few times. He doesn’t particularly like it when people try to pry into his life. Although, it doesn’t really seem like prying when Oda does it…

“My parents transferred me here. Out of recommendation from...Principal Mori.” The last two words seem to hang in the air. Dazai really didn’t want Mori to be the center of attention in this conversation. 

Mori Ogai. 

A fairly tall man with a slender physique. He stands five feet and nine inches tall with straight, chin-length black slicked hair. He wears a dark purple button up shirt, with a white doctor's coat on top and beige pants.

The stethoscope that hangs off his neck finishes the whole creepy doctor look he’s got going.

Dazai doesn’t particularly like Mori. But he doesn’t dislike him either. It was weird. Mori just gave off strange vibes.

Back in middle school, Dazai’s household was having some...problems. His school life wasn’t any better. At the time, his mother had taken him to a normal doctor. Just for a yearly check up, nothing else.

What he didn’t expect was for Mori to be his doctor. Mori had completely fooled his mother. Sweet talking, bribing her with discounts and insurance policies, acting like a gentleman in front of her...but Dazai could see through all of that.

One thing led to another, and conversation after conversation, Mori finally proposed an offer.

He had said that he was the principal of a prestigious school in Yokohama, called Yokohama City Academy. Suggesting that Dazai should move schools and transfer there.

He had said stuff like “it’s better for him to get a new start. Have a clean slate, you know? It would be best for his mental health. He’s young. He has his whole life ahead of him.” and Dazai’s mother ate that right up.

Dazai had just simply stood in the corner while they talked. He watched his mother casually giggle out of nowhere and Mori chuckle. He had just stood there with the most dead, bored, and uninterested facial expression as his mother furiously patted his back and ruffled his hair with her sharp painted nails.

He had just stood there. 

To be honest, he didn’t like the idea of change.

But he didn’t dislike it either. He simply felt nothing. So that was probably why he didn’t offer any opinion when they had asked. But really, his mother would’ve never given him a choice regardless.

Dazai shakes his head, turning his attention back to Odasaku. Oda was looking at the ground, as if thinking.

He just nods. “Ah, I see. So Mori-sensei  recommended you, huh? You must be smart for him to do that. He doesn’t just offer a seat here for anyone ordinary. Interesting.”

Dazai holds back a sigh. Odasaku is telling him stuff he already knows.

The brunette suddenly brightens up, clapping his hands together, and jumps up from his seat. “Well, that’s enough about me. I’m pretty boring. I think you’re far more interesting, Odasaku.” Dazai smiles. It’s a genuine smile. 

Oda raises his eyebrow in slight confusion. He blinks a few times. “I—”

“—Dazai Osamu, first year, please report to the principal's office. Dazai Osamu, please report to Mori-sensei’s office immediately.”

Oda looks up at the speaker, then looks back at Dazai. The brunette holds back a frown. Why was Mori calling him now? It’s probably because he had been skipping classes for the past week. Shit… 

“I should probably go,” Dazai exhales, grabbing his jacket and buttoning it up to the collar. Oda simply nods, “See you around,” 

Dazai opens the door to the library and steps out, feeling the hallway air hit his face. From the corner of his eye, he musters up a small smile for his friend. “Goodbye, Odasaku.” 

***

The walk to Mori’s office gives Dazai a lot of time to think. Even though it’s only less than five minutes, his head won’t stop thinking. He isn’t nervous, it wasn’t that. It’s more like the anticipation is killing him. 

He slowly halts right in front of the office door. The gold plate reads  “Principal's Office: Mori Ogai.” Dazai takes a deep breath in. Exhaling, he lightly knocks on the door three times. 

“Come in.”

He slowly opens the door, steps in, closing the door behind him. Mori appears to be sitting in his chair, elbows on his desk and hands together. He smiles. “Welcome, Dazai-kun. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” 

Dazai pauses, then nods. “Did you need me for something, Mori-san?” He easily plays clueless. Although he knows exactly why Mori has called him here, Dazai would rather not bring it up unless Mori does first.

“Yes, I wanted to see how you were doing. Everything okay? No one is bullying you? Or perhaps you’ve made friends?” a small smile plays on Mori’s lips. Dazai shakes his head. “I’ve kept to myself. Everything is fine.”

Dazai isn’t sure if Odasaku is his friend, but he sure as hell isn’t going to mention any names to Mori. 

“Ah, well that’s good I suppose.”

“Yeah, it’s great. So I’ll take my leave now—” he turns away from Mori, eyeing the door handle. 

“ —wait a moment, Dazai-kun.” 

Dazai stops mid track, turning back around to face Mori. His eyes slightly narrow, appearing lifeless. Mori, on the other hand, smiles.

“Teachers have given me reports of your absence in their classes. Mind telling me why?” 

Dazai shrugs. “I get lost.” 

Ha. As if I’ve gotten lost for the past five consecutive days. 

Mori nods his head, as if pretending to fully understand. “Well, I’ll make sure to email you the school map. Then the problem will be fixed, no?” 

Dazai holds back another scoff. “Sure. Now can I leave?”

“Yes, but wait a moment. I want to say something more.” Mori tilts his head, looking Dazai straight in the eyes. “You know...your parents have high hopes for you, Dazai-kun. As do I. They trust me with your education and I have no plans to disappoint them. You won’t be failing under my watch.” 

The atmosphere seems to suddenly change.

It’s as if a cold chill has enveloped the room. Mori’s face is completely still, his eyes hold no warmth. Huh. As if they held any warmth in the first place...

Dazai wants to laugh. Mori smiles again. “You remind me of someone.” 

“Yeah, got it.” Dazai mutters, bunching his fists from inside his coat pocket. Mori’s face immediately changes into a cheerful one. “That’s good! I can’t wait for you to show us what you’ve got. I know you’re very intelligent, Dazai-kun.”

Dazai simply nods, turning towards the door. Before leaving, he speaks from the corner of his eye. “Bye the way—who’s this person I reminded you of?”

Mori smiles, a glint of purple in his eyes. “Me. That person is me.” 

Dazai didn’t feel a reaction to those words at first, but the pit in his stomach grew once he went home and layed in his bed, repeating that sentence over and over in his head. 

***

He’s now forced to attend classes.

And although Mori never specified that he would tell his mother if he missed any more, Dazai had a feeling he would. That office visit was probably a threat.

And so now, the brunette stands in front of his first period class, bag slung over his shoulder and fists bunched up by his sides. 

He moves pieces of his wispy hair from his eyes, focusing on the people inside the classroom. It was World History, a class Dazai had no interest in. But then again, when did he really have an interest in anything? 

The clock reads exactly 8:20am which means class had already started five minutes ago. He takes a deep breath, exhaling. Opening the door to the classroom, he slowly walks in. 

All eyes turn to his body. 

His chest feels hot. His head feels itchy. He forces his hands to stay still by his side. 

“Ah, you must be Dazai Osamu, correct? I’m Ozaki-sensei.” the woman stands up from her chair, shooting him a closed mouthed smile.

Her red lip gloss looks nice, complimenting her red hair. It’s styled into a bun, her bangs covering half her eye. 

Dazai nods, taking a few steps ahead. He tries his best to ignore all the people staring at him and his bandages. He tries really hard. 

“Right, well. I was just about to explain to the class about a new project we have. Why don’t you take a seat next to...um…” she scans the room, eyes lighting up. “...there! Next to Chuuya-kun.”

Dazai’s head does a full 180 at the mention of the name.

His eyes immediately scan the whole room, landing on a familiar redhead. It indeed is  Chuuya. Chuuya’s arms are crossed over his chest, his back leaning against the chair. His face is stern, mouth pulled into a thin line. 

The hell...is he trying to look intimidating? Dazai bites back a smirk. 

“He’s right there, by the back. Red hair, cute, short boy.” Kouyou beams with a grin. Dazai can’t stop the smile from tugging on his lips.

For some reason, the scowl on Chuuya’s face is sending him into oblivion. 

Moving next to Chuuya, he pulls out the chair and carefully sits down. Neither of them say anything, although Chuuya glances at him a few times. They wait for the teacher to start talking. 

“As we all know, mid-school year projects are starting soon. Which means I’ll have to assign partners.”

Low groans scatter around the classroom. Kouyou hushes them down. “Your partner will be the person sitting next to you.”

What. 

Both Dazai and Chuuya turn their heads to look at each other. A low “HUH?!” escapes Chuuya’s mouth.

His face looks in alarm and disbelief. He vigorously looks between Dazai’s face and Kouyou. The brunette notices the look on Kouyou’s face.

It's one of someone who has just accomplished something great. She looks like she’s been planning this “partnership” for days. He doesn’t want to believe it, but he thinks Mori plays a role in this too. 

After Kouyou explains the project, Chuuya glances at Dazai once more.  

“I’m currently failing this class, so you don’t happen to know shit about this topic, do you?” he deadpans.

Dazai blinks a few times. Now that he’s up close to Chuuya, he notices something different. Chuua is wearing a black choker. One that fits perfectly around his neck. He can’t take his eyes off it. 

“Hello? Are you even listening to me?” Chuuya raises an eyebrow, a slight scowl evident on his face. Dazai looks up. “Yeah. I know a few things about this topic…” 

Dazai doesn’t have any expectations, but he really hopes Chuuya isn’t the type to dump all the work on the “smart kid.” But of course, even if Chuuya did attempt to do that, Dazai would just find a way to outsmart him. 

“Alright, students.” Kouyou claps her hand really loudly. So loud that Dazai almost flinches from the sound. “Get working. Projects are due by the end of the month.” 

The brunette turns his attention back to Chuuya, who seems to be doing something odd. He’s holding his phone in Dazai’s direction, looking very expectant. But Dazai is a little confused. Chuuya sighs. 

“Put your number in my phone. We’re partners, right? We should have some sort of communication.”

Oh.

Dazai nods, taking the phone. He quickly types in his number. Not sure what to name the contact, he hands the phone back to Chuuya. Chuuya types something else, but Dazai can’t see very clearly.

Instead, the brunette takes his own phone out of his pocket, handing it to the redhead. Chuuya looks up. 

“Huh? Oh, no it’s fine. I have your number, so I’ll just call you.” he mumbles, shaking his head. Dazai blinks a few times, then slowly nods too. He thinks it's unlikely that Chuuya will ever voluntarily call him, but that’s okay. He doesn’t really mind. 

“We need more time—besides in class—to work on the project. We should go somewhere else to meet up.” Dazai cautiously blurts out. 

In all honesty, there’s no way he will be able to work in this environment. It’s too loud, too bright, and there’s too many people. And plus, his knee will not stop bouncing for some unknown reason. 

Chuuya looks up from his laptop screen and runs a hand through his hair. Dazai can’t help but notice every movement he makes.

He sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. We should. This place is too distractive. We can meet up outside of school.” he looks at Dazai, blue eyes filled with curiosity. “If that’s alright with you, of course.” 

Dazai doesn’t like nor dislike the idea of meeting up with Chuuya after school. It is only for a project, after all. And it's not like they’d be talking about anything else. Two to three hours at most. “Yeah, sure.” he nods. 

Chuuya looks pleased. “Good. I heard you’re new here so you probably don’t know all the best places to hang out. I’ll pick something out and let you know, alright?” 

Dazai just nods. The plan sounds simple enough. He can do it. 

Moments later, the bell rings.

“Make sure to not procrastinate. If you hand in late projects, you’ll face the consequence! Class dismissed.” Kouyou gives a cheerful smile, her heels click on the floor. Shivers go down Dazai’s back from the mention of “consequence.” 

Chuuya stands up from his seat, running a hand through his hair and slinging his bag over his shoulder. He begins to walk away, leaving Dazai in his seat. Right before leaving, he looks back at the brunette. Blue eyes look into Dazai’s chocolate ones. 

“Your name is Dazai, right?” 

He nods. “Yeah,”

Chuuya tries to smile but it comes out as more of a weird grimace. “See you around, Dazai.” 

***

“Ehh, Odasaku! Today was such a tiring day. I never wanna do it again!” Dazai dramatically groans, letting the animated noises leave his mouth as he flops down onto the small library couch. 

Oda looks up from his reading. “I can imagine. I assume Kouyou—I mean, Ozaki-sensei assigned mid-year projects?” 

Dazai nods, putting his arm over his eyes and resting his legs on the armrest. “I’ve got to work with a partner too. It’s horrible.” he over exaggerates the situation.

Oda looks unfazed. And he probably genuinely is. After all, he was a first year a good two years ago. These projects are basically nothing to him. 

The two remain in a peaceful quiet before Dazai speaks up. “Say...Odasaku. You said you know almost every first year here, right?”

Oda glances at Dazai’s body laying on the couch before nodding. “Yeah, most of them at least.”

“You know anyone named Chuuya? Nakahara Chuuya? Short, red hair, started wearing a choker that makes him look like he’s in a hot boy band.” 

A short subtle chuckle leaves Oda’s mouth. “Yeah, I know him. He’s a good kid. A hard worker.”

Dazai removes his arm from his eyes and sits up. “HUH?” Chuuya didn’t seem very hardworking from the few times they’d seen each other. But then again, Oda wasn’t one to lie so Dazai trusts his judgment. 

He looks up at Dazai, sighing. “Don’t tell anyone I told you this but—” 

“I don’t have anyone else to tell, Odasaku.” the brunette deadpans, like it’s obvious. Oda nods. 

“Rumor has it that he’s a foster kid. Been in and out of homes since he was six years old. Mori scouted him out and he came to this school at the beginning of this year.” 

Oh… 

Dazai did not expecting that. He didn’t expect that at all. 

“I see.” is all he mumbles when Odasaku looks at him, expecting a reaction. Dazai lays back down on the couch, raising his arms under his head. “Why do you say he’s hardworking?” 

Oda looks at him from the corner of his eye, setting down the cup of coffee. “Well, ever since he came here, he’s been at the top of his game. First in almost every class. He’s on the volleyball team, helps teachers out after school, and has already raised money from a few charity events that he’s organized.” 

Dazai raises his eyebrows. He can’t lie and say he isn’t impressed. The little short ginger really does have tricks up his sleeve. “Wow.” 

“Wow, indeed.” Oda agrees. “Also, I’m guessing he’s your partner for the project? That’s why you asked, right?” Odasaku glances at him. Dazai smiles, nodding. “Yup. you’re correct. He’s my partner.” 

“Looking forward to working together?” Oda tilts his head, resting his chin on his palm. Dazai smiles. His eyebrows furrow, but out of sheer curiosity. 

“Yeah, something like that. You could say I’m finally interested in something.” 

***

It's the end of the day, and Dazai is standing outside of the school’s entrance. The sky is covered in clouds, it's pretty gloomy. It might start to rain soon.

Right before he takes off onto the streets, he gets a ping! From his phone. Expecting it to be his mother or father texting him about school or to get groceries, Dazai thinks nothing more of it, clicking the notification. 

Except it's neither of his parents. It's from an unknown number. 

Hey, It's Chuuya. The ginger. Meet me at this location around 5pm, if you can.

Under the text bubble, is a link to the location where they’ll be meeting up. Dazai can’t help but stare at the text. He certainly didn’t expect Chuuya to text him first. He didn’t expect to get a text at all.  

After two minutes of staring at the message, he replies back. 

Okay >_< 

He doesn’t think too much of it, so he puts the phone back in his pocket and begins walking. 

Chuuya’s number is now the third contact he has, besides his parents. 

Chapter Text

As Dazai was walking home back from school, he didn’t get any more texts or calls from Chuuya.

Call, huh? Calling someone other than his parents would’ve been strange. He isn’t sure how Chuuya’s voice would sound over the phone.

The clock reads 4:36pm when Dazai opens the door to his bedroom.

Chuuya had said to meet him at the “special” location at five. It isn’t far from Dazai’s house; maybe only three blocks or so. He sighs, scratching an itch behind his ear, throwing his bag to the corner of the room. 

Dazai’s room doesn’t have much.

He doesn’t mind, after all the simplistic design is a strange sort of comfort. His bed has a thin wooden bedframe, it sits in the left corner of the room. Beside it is a small side table. Enough space to keep a few books and sometimes casual blunts. 

Unbuttoning the first three buttons of his shirt, he heads to the bathroom to quickly brush his teeth and splash some cold water on his face.

His bandages need to be changed too. They were kind of sticking to his skin, unraveling.

April’s weather was not his favorite. But unravelling and rolling new bandages would take so much time...and Dazai is short of it. Sucking his teeth, he puts away the roll of bandages in the cabinet and leaves the bathroom. 

He goes back to his bedroom and grabs the history books to put into a small bag he managed to find. Slinging it over his shoulder, he puts on his shoes and steps outside. The air smells nice. Clouds are forming; or more like the sky was completely white. Dazai knew it would rain soon.

He wonders if Chuuya knows. The redhead would probably throw a fit if it did, he chuckles to himself. 

***

Walking is an assload of work.

It takes too much energy, and Dazai is out of breath.

By the time he reached the designated place, his hair is all over the place. His clothes probably look disheveled too. His shoulder hurts from carrying his bag with the heavy books inside. 

“HEY! I’M OVER HERE DIPSHIT!” 

Dazai snaps his head to the sound of a young boy’s voice. It’s Chuuya.

He’s still in his uniform, but without the red coat. His bright red head seems to pop out against the dull color of his surroundings. Dazai nods at the redhead, then proceeds to start a little jog to catch up. He fails of course, feeling annoyed by the attempted jog so just ends up speed walking. 

“You’re late.” Chuuya mutters, raising an eyebrow with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Walking is annoying,” Dazai simply replies, swifty walking past Chuuya to observe the place they’re at. A string of curses leave Chuuya’s mouth as he walks to catch up to his partner.

“This is one of the homes I used to live in. It’s abandoned now, so we’re safe.” Chuuya takes strong steps and walks ahead of the brunette.

Dazai turns his head at the mention of “homes.” He raises an eyebrow, but stays silent. So the rumors are true…

The place they’re at is quiet. There stands a big rusty shack in the middle of a grassy clearing; but Dazai guesses that Chuuya isn’t planning on going inside. The redhead lets out a short, quick whistle, motioning his fingers to catch Dazai’s attention. 

“Over here,” he says. Chuuya has brought them under a huge cherry blossom tree.

There’s a bench, in which a few books are laid across the table. Considering they’re out in the middle of nowhere next to a creepy old shack, the table is perfectly clean and polished.

Not a single splinter in sight. It looks new. 

Dazai eyes the tree, looking carefully between the branches. A few petals land on his hair. He quickly wacks them away. This causes his partner to send him odd glances. 

Is now a bad time to tell Chuuya that he has a pollen allergy? 

Guess not, he decides to keep it to himself. As long as he doesn’t look directly up at the tree, he’ll probably be fine. Dazai’s head turns at the sound of a loud smack coming from the corner of his eye.

It’s Chuuya, trying to open the huge umbrella that can provide shade for them. Except, due to his height, he’s standing on the table trying to reach the button—but miserably failing. 

“Goddamn it—fuck!”

Dazai silently watches as Chuuya jumps up, almost falling in the process. Curses leave his mouth as he runs a hand through his hair. 

After watching Chuuya struggle for a couple more seconds, he decides to intervene. 

“Let me,” Dazai walks to the table, stands behind Chuuya, and leans over him to press the button.

His chest brushes up against Chuuya’s back. Even though their height difference isn’t huge, he can still smell Chuuya’s hair. It smells good. Really good. 

“What are you…” Chuuya’s eyes go a little wide as he looks up at Dazai. The brunette is concentrated on reaching the button, the tiny tip of his tongue sticking out in determination.

Now that they’re more up close, Chuuya notices how light Dazai’s eyes look in the sun. The dark brown color is now a hazel that compliments his long lashes. The bridge of his nose fits perfectly against the sunlight. 

How are the girls at school not all over him? He’s not bad looking...

“There. Done.” Dazai’s voice snaps Chuuya out of his gaze, making him look up at the fully opened umbrella. It’s big enough to provide shade for the both of them...if they sit close enough to each other.

Sighing to himself, Chuuya sits down on the mildly warm seat. His legs have been aching the whole day. Although the seat isn’t the best feeling on his ass, it will have to do for now. Just until he can raise the money to buy a new one. 

Taking a sip of water from his bottle, he glances at the brunette next to him.

Except Dazai is almost two feet away—awkwardly still sitting in the sun, hugging his own arms. He looks to be in great discomfort too; unable to fully open his eyes from the sunlight. His forehead is glistening with a thin layer of sweat, bandages already feeling sticky again. 

A scoff leaves Chuuya’s mouth as he sets down his water. “Come closer, dumbass. Get in the shade.” he pats the space next to him.

Dazai blinks a few times, then nods. The two are now sitting less than a few inches from each other, their shoulders brushing. 

“Alright—since you transferred in the middle of April, I chose the topic. Is that alright?” the redhead asks. From the corner of his eye, he can see Dazai nod. Chuuya grins. “Perfect.” 

Before they know it, it ends up being hours worth of working together. 

***

“What time is it?” Chuuya raises his arms to stretch, and in the process lets out a big inhumane war screech. Dazai flinches a bit from the noise, eyeing the redhead. He sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Almost eight.”

Chuuya stops stretching and looks directly at the brunette. “Holy shit! We’ve been here that long?!…”

Dazai only nods. True, it was almost eight.

The sun is beginning to set, rays of orange, purple, blue, and pink color the streets of Yokohama. Dazai doesn’t mind. After all, he’s been out far longer than eight in the past. And there’s most likely no one home. His parents are probably out working.

“I should be getting back then,” Chuuya stands up, dusts off his hands and begins to grab his books.

Dazai starts to do the same, but a sudden pour of rain disrupts their actions. The two stand absolutely still for a few seconds, feeling the rain hit their bodies before Chuuya curses out. 

“Shit! Grab the books! They can’t get wet!” he scrambles to grab the papers and books at a flashing speed. Dazai does the same, his arms practically grabbing whatever comes to eye.

But it’s no use.

Papers fly, books are wet, and they’re now drenched in water. The wind never stops to rest for a second. Eventually, Chuuya gives up on trying to get the books. He stands still, his face remains expressionless. Almost full of...defeat. 

Dazai carefully eyes the redhead in curiosity. 

Chuuya suddenly kicks the bench, knocking it over in the process. “Fuck…” he mumbles, putting a hand on his eyes. “Fuck,” he groans again, this time to himself.

Dazai is a little confused. He isn’t sure why this is bothering Chuuya so much—after all, they were only school textbooks. They were replaceable, right?

“I bought those books myself. They were really fucking expressive.” Chuuya mutters, shaking his head a bit to get rid of some of the water in his hair. 

Oh...Dazai raises his eyebrows, nodding. He must’ve worked hard to raise the money, huh? He has a feeling Chuuya was the one who cleaned and polished the bench too. 

Odasaku wasn’t lying when he had said Chuuya was hardworking...

The both of them are currently sitting under the umbrella (the only thing keeping them from getting even more drenched), their shoulders are squished together.

Chuuya occasionally groans and mutters curses. Dazai notices he does that a lot. It’s probably engraved in his vocabulary. 

The brunette has no strong opinions. He actually likes the rain. Preferably not getting wet...but this isn’t the worst situation. 

“Do you have somewhere to be or something?” Dazai asks the redhead.

Chuuya glares at him, crossing his arms over his chest, turning a bit away. His voice comes out low but still hearable against the rain. “My favorite TV show started twenty minutes ago.” he grumbles, eyebrows furrowing together. 

Dazai blinks a few times, and tries to process what he just heard.

He lets out a laugh. 

It’s sudden, unexpected, and he definitely did not plan on doing that. He quickly holds himself back, clearing his throat. But the smile on his face is still evident.

Chuuya watches him with wide eyes. He’s never seen Dazai make any sort of expression—much less a whole fucking laugh. He always seemed to have the same dead or emotionless face all the time. Chuuya was beginning to think he was a robot. 

“What’s wrong? Something on my face?” Dazai asks him in confusion. He taps around his cheeks, eyeing himself.

Chuuya looks away. For a second, he forgets he is supposed to be pouting about missing his show. But the smile on Dazai’s face...it’s something he doesn’t mind seeing again. Something he doesn’t mind... causing again. 

A thought pops into the redhead’s mind.

He remembers that he had kept towels in his bag after volleyball practice. Him and Dazai are both wet, so he’s glad he hadn’t thrown them away. Dazai watches the redhead as he uses the towel to wipe his hair. 

“Here, take this.” Chuuya offers, handing another towel to him. But Dazai doesn’t take it. All he does is make a face. “Aren’t these your dirty sweaty towels?” he deadpans. 

Chuuya rolls his eyes. “Eh? Be grateful I’m even giving you something.” 

The brunette turns his head, a small pout on his lips. “That’s gross. No thanks.” 

Chuuya scoffs, deciding to drop the act. “Relax, I’m just kidding. You really think I’d offer you my dirty towels? These are clean. I swear.” 

Dazai stares back between the redhead and the towel in his hand. Another sigh escapes Chuuya’s lips as he rolls his eyes and moves closer to Dazai.

He then begins wiping the brunette’s face.

For a second, Dazai is too stunned to do anything in retaliation. He simply sits still as Chuuya continues wiping his arms, careful not to mess up his bandages. The redhead leaves the towel on his head. 

“There. I fucking did it for you. Happy? Or do I need to wipe your hair too? Like a baby?” he cocks an eyebrow at the brunette.

Feeling a little petty, Dazai nods with a smug smile on his face. “Yeah. I’m too lazy. And plus, you seem to be doing a great job. Why not continue?” 

“I swear, you insufferable bastard…”

“You short slug…”

"I'm only fourteen! I'm still growing!"

Regardless of his words, Chuuya stands on his knees and begins to rub the towel on Dazai’s hair, making sure to dry every single drop of water. 

Groans and mutters left Dazai’s lips when Chuuya smugly pulls too hard on purpose. 

“Oi oi! Not too hard, Chuuya!...” he whines, attempting to grab Chuuya’s wrists. The redhead snickers, going back to gently wipe the brown mop of hair. 

After a few more minutes, he sets down the towel and checks his watch. It’s 8:36pm, and the sky is nearly dark now. The rain hasn’t stopped, but it’s only lightly drizzling. 

“It’s not raining that much. We can leave now.” Chuuya stands up to grab his bag. He walks a little out of the shade, just to check if the rain is actually hard or not. 

“Shit…” he mumbles, wiping a few droplets from his face. Dazai tilts his head, looking at the redhead. “What’s wrong?”

Chuuya glances back. “I take a few buses back to get home. The drizzle will still get me wet...and I don’t have an umbrella.” he groans at the last few words, tugging at his navy blue tie to loosen it from his neck. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back to face the sky. Dazai watches as little water droplets roll off his cheeks. 

Eyes still closed, Chuuya sighs. “What about you? How are you…” 

Chuuya snaps his eyes open at the sudden loss of rain on his skin and something shading his eyes. He looks at Dazai, who is holding an umbrella and covering both of them. 

The redhead’s mouth drops open. “What?! You had an umbrella this whole time?!” he exclaims in disbelief. Dazai shrugs his shoulders. “I knew it would rain,” 

Chuuya gives him a look as if saying, ‘why the fuck didn’t you tell me hours before?’ 

“I can walk you to the bus stop.” he quietly says, glancing at Chuuya then settling his eyes back on his shoes.

Chuuya looks at him for a few seconds, wondering where the hell he got this idea from. He finally takes in a breath, nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

He looks back at Dazai, wanting to say a bit more. “...Thanks…” he slowly begins, making eye contact with the brunette. Except, what he doesn’t expect is for Dazai to be staring back at him with wide eyes, mouth a little agape.

Their noses are only a few inches apart from touching.

The two quickly look away from each other, ignoring what just happened. God, can this get any more embarrassing? They both think to themselves. 

“Ahem, yeah. Let’s go.” Dazai mumbles and Chuuya immediately nods. 

It’s not long before they’re both walking to the bus stop, shoulders brushing and arms carefully hidden to themselves in an attempt to not do any awkward touching.

Dazai isn’t even sure why he offered to walk Chuuya to the bus. After all, they aren’t friends. They’re only project partners. But at that moment, Dazai couldn’t resist.

It was weird...he could oddly... sympathize with Chuuya’s situation.

Actually, calling it ‘sympathizing’ was pushing it. It was more like a strange pang in his chest when he saw how peaceful Chuuya’s face looked with his head tilted back like that. Chuuya looked tired, and he probably was. The day hadn’t exactly gone to his plan. 

“Where do you live?” Chuuya asks, glancing at Dazai. The brunette has his eyes forward, lips pressed into a thin line as he holds the umbrella over the both of them. He looks over at Chuuya, shrugging. “Somewhere around here…” 

Chuuya’s face drops as he gives Dazai a look. “You don’t live anywhere near here, do you.” it comes out as more of a statement. 

The brunette glares at his partner, a bit annoyed that he was able to detect the lie. He nods anyway. “Yeah. It’s the opposite direction, I guess.”

The bus stop is a few feet away from them, Dazai exhales. Finally. 

Chuuya stops in his tracks, grabbing Dazai’s arm, making him stop too. The brunette looks back. Chuuya drops the hand on his arm. He exhales. “And how do I know you know your way back home? What if you’re not safe?” 

For a moment, Dazai is a little surprised. Chuuya is standing there with a hand on his hip. He looks like a parent, expecting an answer from his child. Dazai glances down at his shoes. His voice comes out as more of a mumble. “Why do you care?” 

Chuuya drops the hand on his hip, tilting his head back and groaning. “If you get fucking kidnapped or some shit, I’ll have to do this project on my own. So don’t go ahead and do that, alright?”

Dazai blinks. A chuckle leaves his mouth. The atmosphere is back to normal. “Yeah. I’ll be safe. You don’t need to worry about me, Chuuya-kun. I can take care of myself.” he softly says. 

Chuuya looks him up and down for a few seconds. He nods. “Alright, fine. See you soon.” he waves a little before turning around.

But Dazai grabs the straps of his bag and yanks him back, making his back press against the brunette’s chest. If it wasn’t for the bag separating their bodies, Chuuya would’ve let out the biggest yelp. 

“Eh?! What the hell are you—

“Keep this. You still have to take a few buses home.” Dazai says, closing the umbrella they were using a few minutes ago, stuffing it into the net pocket on Chuua’s bag.

Chuuya resists. “What? No, It’s fine! I don’t need it!” he exclaims, trying to shuffle away but Dazai’s grip on his bag is unfortunately stronger. 

The brunette lightly shoves his shoulder. “Just take it. You don’t have to give it back. It’s a cheap umbrella I got from the dollar tree before coming here. And plus, I don’t live far away. You need it more than I do.” 

Chuuya is still reluctant. He scratches the back of his neck. “Eh…” 

Dazai can sense the awkwardness in the situation. It’s killing him; standing here and voluntarily being nice. He decides to make a joke.

“If you don’t take the umbrella, you’ll get wet. You might catch a cold and miss school. I don’t wanna do the project all by myself.” he adds in an eye roll, praying Chuuya will buy the excuse. 

Chuuya looks at him for a moment. This is probably the most Dazai has said in terms of sentences. A scoff leaves his lips, but he takes the umbrella. 

The last thing he sees before turning around is the soft smile on Dazai’s face, his lanky bandaged arms waving Chuuya goodbye. 

***

“Ne, Odasaku. Who did you say we’re meeting today?” Dazai mumbles from under the blanket from his place on the couch. Oda glances back. “Another friend of mine. His name is Sakaguchi Ango. Same year as me.” 

The brunette lays on his back, pushing the blanket out of his face. He sighs, twirling a piece of his fluffy brown hair. “A friend...another friend you say…”

He’s a little curious as to who Oda is talking about. After all, Dazai has never seen him hang out with anyone else. He isn’t egotistical—he knows Oda probably hangs out with people other than him. But it’s odd how he never bothered to find out. 

“And what does he do? Any clubs, interests…?” he subtly tries not to show too much interest.

From his place on the couch, he can see Oda shrug, putting a hand on his chin to think. “Hmm…I think he just does paperwork? Or something in photography. Not exactly sure.” he pauses, eyes widening for a second. “I remember now—He’s planning on being a lawyer.” 

Dazai lifts his sleeping mask to crack open one eye. Lawyer, huh?

There’s a sudden knock on the door, which causes Oda to lift his head and uncross his legs. “Who could that be...” he mumbles. “Come in,” 

The door opens, revealing a young man. Probably a little shorter than Oda, he stands hugging a few books and papers to his chest. His dark hair is slicked back, a few strands falling over his face. His uniform is the same as Oda’s, except he’s wearing a plaid woolen vest over a white button up shirt. 

“Good afternoon, Odasaku.” he says, using a finger to push his glasses a little up his nose.

Oda nods at Ango, motioning him to come stand inside. He does, closing the door behind him. Ango’s eyes trail up to Dazai, he does a quick nod and looks away. 

Dazai suddenly sits up, pushing away his sleeping mask and rubbing his hands together. Oda has noticed that whenever he rubs his hands, he’s plotting something evil. 

“Say, Ango! I’m Dazai. I heard you wanna be a lawyer?” he exclaims, strutting his way to Ango, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Ango looks completely bewildered at the sudden contact, his eyes going wide. “H-huh?!” 

He cautiously nods, carefully eyeing the brunette. Dazai can tell he’s already made quite the impression. From his seat by the table, Oda looks between the two. He appears calm, suspiciously eyeing Dazai and what he’s planning in that head of his. 

Oda clears his throat. “Anyways...Ango, why’d you come here? I thought we were supposed to come to you…” he looks at the man in confusion. Ango’s eyes go wide, he’s instantly filled with tension again. “Ugh, it was those guys again. The one’s from that volleyball team…”

Dazai’s eyes perk up at the mention of volleyball. Doesn’t Chuuya play volleyball…?

Oda makes an ‘o’ shape with his mouth. He shakes his head. “Those second years are bothering you again? You should tell someone Ango.” 

Ango furiously shakes his head, moving his hands. “NO NO! It’s fine. It’s not a big deal.” 

In the matter of ten minutes, Dazai has already analyzed Ango’s character pretty well. Hundreds of theories flush through his head. He takes the opportunity to ask questions.

“Oh? You’re being bullied by people a year younger than you?” Dazai prods, an innocent expression appears on his face. 

Ango scowls. “Stay out of this, first year .” 

Dazai laughs. “Oh, But Odasaku’s friend is being bullied—I simply can’t stay out of it! After all, a friend of Odasakus’ is a friend of mine!” 

Ango looks like he’s about to hang himself right there. He has a strong feeling Dazai will never get off his ass. He’ll be like gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe. 

Suddenly, a few voices can be heard from outside the room. The three turn their heads at the noise. 

“Hey, where did glasses go? He should know we weren’t done with him…” 

Ango lets out a soft groan, pinching the area between his brows. Dazai has a feeling the “glasses” person they were referring to, is Ango.

Just as he’s about to say something, Ango grabs the door handle to leave. 

“Wait—You’re seriously not thinking about going out there all alone, are you?” Oda asks in slight concern. Ango nods his head in defeat. “It’s better than staying here with this menace.” he’s referring to Dazai. 

The brunette grins. “Nope! You’re not leaving! We’re keeping you here until they’re gone!” 

Ango looks astonished. “Huh?! Who is ‘we’? and how exactly do you plan on keeping me here? You can’t hold me hostage. I’m a free man. I know my rights.” he states, huffing away. 

“Oho, looks like you’re practicing your lawyer skills, huh Ango?” Dazai smirks. He then looks at Oda with a mischievous grin. “Hey Odasaku! You know how we can keep him here?” 

Oda shakes his head. This only fuels the brunette’s fire. “We give him the stinky hug of death!” 

Somehow within seconds, Dazai and Oda are on either side of Ango, holding him tightly to their chests. He is experiencing mass amounts of confusion. Ango shrieks. 

“NO NO NO! PLEASE YOU’RE BOTH STINKY NOOOO WHY MEEE?!—” 

Chapter Text

“Get—OFF!”

“But whyy, Ango? I need a wall to support myself!” 

“THEN GO LEAN ON A FUCKING WALL INSTEAD OF ME??”

“But where’s the fun in that? Friends are supposed to help out friends, no?”

“We’re not friends,” Ango huffs out, adjusting his tie. He pushes Dazai away, making sure to step away from the bandaged brunette.

Dazai pretends to pout, but he has a smile on his face. From between them, Odasaku is walking silently, sometimes glancing up when he hears more bickering. 

“Alright, enough you two.” he finally mutters, eyeing the current position they’re in. Dazai has somehow managed to crawl and latch onto Ango’s body, while Ango has his hands on his head, attempting to protect his hair. The two freeze, looking at Oda. Dazai snickers, climbing off Ango. 

He smirks. “Careful, Ango. If you’re not aware at all times, you never know who might snatch that wig from your head!” 

Ango looks at Dazai in astonishment, jaw dropping. 

“This...this isn’t a wig!” he stutters. Dazai giggles, patting his friend on the shoulder. From the middle, Oda sighs.

The three of them are currently on lunch break, walking around the hallways. It’s rare for them to have a break at the same time, so they decided to take advantage of it. 

Upon passing the windows, voices of people from outside can be heard. Dazai looks up. He stares at the students running on the red track field. Almost all of them are wearing a green tracksuit. He shivers, feeling pale at the thought of running. Oda glances, noticing his friend’s sick face.  

“Hey, Dazai.” Oda calls out. The brunette snaps out of his trance, stretching his arms above his head. “Hm?”

“You know you have track this year...right?”

Dazai pauses mid stretch. He looks up at Oda, eyes wide. “WHAT?!”

Oda raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t know? All first years have track this year.”

The brunette shakes his head. “No , no I didn’t know. It wasn’t on my schedule! And—fuckkk…” he groans, smacking a hand on his forehead. “I hate running.” 

Oda glances at him. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Ango hates running too—and he barely passed the class—but he was okay.” From the corner, Ango huffs, pushing his glasses up his nose. He doesn’t deny it though. 

The frown on Dazai’s face doesn’t leave. Running means sweating. And sweating means his bandages will feel weird on his skin. And on top of that, he despises physical activity. 

He sighs, slumping against the wall. Blowing a strand of brown hair out of his face, his eyes trail to the other side of the track field. It’s the volleyball practice room. He’s never been there before. But he’s guessing it’s where Chuuya practices for his little team.

Dazai isn’t even sure how Chuuya’s on the team, much less the captain of it. The ginger stands barely five feet tall. 

He must be a really good player. 

The bell suddenly rings, snapping him out of his thoughts. Lunch is over, which means it’s time for his next class.

Track. 

“We should get going. Come Ango,” Oda nods his head, drinking the last of his coffee, crumpling the cup in his hand. He looks at the brunette. “See you soon, Dazai. Good luck with track.” 

Dazai offers a small smile. He waves goodbye as Oda and Ango disappear from his sight in the hallway. Turning back around, he leans his head against the wall. For a split second, his eyes shut close, letting the cool hallway air flow through his hair. 

He has a sickly feeling that something will happen. 

***

“ALRIGHT LISTEN UP.” 

Dazai cringes at the coach’s voice. It’s loud, annoying, and reminds him of his father. 

He doesn’t like it one bit. 

When the other students don’t quiet down, the coach blows his loud whistle again. Everyone shuts up. 

He can’t hide the distaste on his face. Even though he’s wearing the school’s ugly green tracksuit, it’s still kind of chilly outside. The day isn’t sunny (which he’s glad for) but the whole field is still wet from the constant rain this past week.

Coach Hirotsu strokes his little grey beard. His wispy white hair is slicked back while his glasses rest on his nose. His face looks stern, eyebrows knit together. Lips pressed into a thin line, he clears his throat.

“Today we’re doing an activity that requires a partner.” 

Dazai feels his heart sink a little. He feels slightly light headed, already picturing himself as the only one without someone else.

He doesn’t particularly like looking for a partner—especially when it comes to physical education. An uncomfortable feeling builds up in his stomach. 

“And no—you won’t choose your own partners. I’ll be assigning them based on the first person I see near you.” Hirotsu looks satisfied when mini groans erupt from the cluster of students. 

A few students try to be smart and move closer to their friends. Hirotsu takes notice of this and clicks his tongue. He doesn’t say anything though. After a few minutes, Dazai seems to be left a bit on his own. 

“Uh, Tachihara and Kaji.” He scratches his beard. Reading down his list, he calls out more names. “Karma and Fyodor…” he looks around once more. Eyes landing on Dazai, he nods.

“Dazai and Chuuya.” 

The brunette freezes. He blinks, looking around at his surroundings. But there is no Chuuya? 

Given, he can’t see much because of the crowd he’s in. Within a few seconds, people start to clear off, walking to their own groups. When it’s just him left, Dazai looks around. His eyes land on a familiar redhead. 

And sure enough, it’s Chuuya. 

“Oh fucking hell,” Chuuya mutters, pinching his nose bridge. He isn’t wearing the whole track suit; only green sweatpants and a white short sleeved shirt. He isn’t wearing his black choker either. Dazai blinks, turning his attention back to Hirotsu.

“This activity is based on trust and cooperation . Your task is to circle the whole track with your partner.” 

A few mumbles can be heard from the crowd.

This seems easy enough…but maybe there’s a catch? It sounds too good to be true. 

“But there’s a catch.” Hirotsu smiles. Dazai sighs. “The catch is—each of your ankles will be tied together with some rope.”

“HUH?!” Chuuya is the first one to react, eyes flying open like saucers as he stands on his tippy toes to get a better view at what is currently happening. 

Hirotsu ignores Chuuya, continuing with what he was saying before. “Each of you will choose a side, tie your ankles together, and make your way to the starting line. Then, when I blow the whistle, you’ll start walking. Or running, I don’t care. Whichever team wins first, gets to skip track tomorrow.” 

Dazai’s eyes perk up at the idea of skipping class.

He cracks his knuckles, then grabs a piece of rope from the bucket. Walking next to Chuuya, he presses his left side against Chuuya’s right.

“Eh? What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Chuuya cocks an eyebrow, eyeing the close proximity they’re in. Dazai doesn’t answer, he simply bends down and ties the rope around their ankles. 

“Hey! Wait—I didn’t consent to this!” Chuuya exclaims, trying to take his ankle back. But it’s too late. Their ankles are tied together, hips attached. From this close, Chuuya notices that Dazai has gotten taller. At least an inch.

“What the fuck?” He scowls. “When did you get taller…” he mumbles, huffing away. Dazai smirks. “That doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is us winning.” 

Chuuya raises an eyebrow. “Since when are you so hellbent on exercising?” 

The brunette shakes his head. “I’m not interested in exercising. I’m interested in winning . So that I don’t have to come tomorrow.” 

The redhead stares at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. “Bastard,” he sighs, looking away from Dazai. 

Dazai looks around at the other partners.

They all look like close friends, having no problem getting close with their arms over their shoulders. Actually, having their arms around each other’s shoulders would be more efficient. 

The brunette looks down at Chuuya. Although he isn’t that much taller, he can see the top of Chuuya’s head. It looks soft. It probably is...

Without much thinking, he wraps an arm around Chuuya’s shoulder, pulling him closer. The redhead snaps his head towards the brunette. “Hello?? What are you doing?” 

“The closer we are, the easier it’ll be to win.” He simply answers as if it’s common sense. “Put your arm around my waist.” 

Chuuya looks like he’s about to launch Dazai into the air. “Excuse me?!” 

The brunette shrugs. “Everyone else is doing it. C’mon, Chibi. Work with me here?” He puts on his fake puppy eyes. Chuuya scowls. 

His partner is right, of course. As the redhead looks around, he can see that everyone else is in the same proximity they are—if not closer. He exhales. “Fine. But don’t call me Chibi . I’ll kill you.” 

Carefully wrapping an arm around Dazai’s waist, he pulls them closer. The brunette smugly smiles, looking forward. They’re on the starting line, in the middle of everyone else. 

“Wait—” Chuuya suddenly remembers vital information. He mutters closer to Dazai’s neck. “Should we walk or run?” 

“We’ll see. I’m just going with the flow.” Dazai answers back, patting Chuuya’s head, causing another scowl to leave his mouth. 

It’s actually quite the opposite—nothing ever goes with the flow for Dazai. He has a plan. Because of their height difference, it’ll be a little hard to run. But walking might be too slow. 

The only thing left is to speed walk. It’ll be hard but it’s doable, considering Chuuya has more physical experience than Dazai.

Hirotsu suddenly blows his whistle. “Alright, are we ready?” 

Almost everyone answers with “yes.”

Hirotsu nods. “Get on the starting line.” Everyone does. Chuuya looks forward, eyes narrowing. He’s glad Dazai wants to win. He wants to win too. There isn’t any room for losing. Both of them place their feet forward, getting ready. 

Hirotsu clears his throat. “GET READY!” 

“1…2…3…GO!” 

As soon as he blows the whistle, everyone starts. Some are walking, some are skipping, others are running and a few have already fallen right on their asses.

Dazai has probably dissociated for a few seconds at that moment, because as soon as Chuuya’s elbow nudges his rib cage, he’s back in focus. The two are somehow walking-running-and speeding through the track. 

Neither of them are doing it perfectly, they’re very close to failing—but when Chuuya looks up, he can see that they’re in third place.

“Sho…should we go faster?!” He asks Dazai, careful not to trip. Dazai huffs in deep breaths. His ankle is already hurting like a bitch, but he nods anyway. “Yeah. Let’s go faster,” 

As if reading each other’s moves and perfectly syncing—they start running. Everyone seems to look at them in awe, some fall in the process. 

Dazai’s arm has never been more securely tightened around Chuuya’s shoulders than it is right now. The redhead’s grip on Dazai’s waist tightens. Their only concern is to pass the people in first place. 

“Woah—! Look at them!” Tachihara’s mouth flies open as he watches then get closer to the people upfront. Kaji groans, realizing that they’ve been passed.

The only people ahead of them are Fyodor and Karma. Fyodor doesn’t look like he’s enjoying this—he’s practically dragging poor Karma, who looks like a flimsy pool noodle. 

“They’re so close!” A few more people yell, watching as the two groups come eye to eye.

“Don’t stop now, shitty Dazai!” Chuuya yells over the crowd, aggressively patting Dazai’s back. The brunette scowls, forehead drenched with sweat. “What do you think I’m doing?” 

“They’re going to win!” Chuuya exclaims, looking at Fyodor and Karma. Dazai scoffs, narrowing his eyes. “No they’re not.” 

Just as Fyodor and Karma are about to cross the finish line, Dazai does something unexpected. Within two seconds, he throws Chuuya and himself forward. 

Chuuya’s eyes go wide as he realizes what’s happening. “What are you—omphf!” 

Everything is silent. 

“Ow…” Chuuya’s cheek is touching the ground, his back feels like there’s something on it. Dazai groans, laying on the floor with his body on top of Chuuya. 

Hirotsu comes running to them. The crowd of students surrounding them, disperses. He blows his whistle. “Dazai and Chuuya win!” 

Chuuya tries to turn his head under Dazai’s arm. “Huh…? We won…?” 

“I knew we would.” Dazai smiles, looking up at the bright sun. He uses his arm to shade his eyes. The only thing he can focus on is the nice breeze. His legs are aching, but they feel strangely numb. He feels a burn on his knee. 

“You guys won by three seconds. Wow.” Even Hirotsu looks surprised when saying that. “I’ve never seen any first years put up a competition like that. You two are special. Nice job.” He crouches down to harshly pat Chuuya on the back. 

Chuuya coughs out, registering what just happened. He’s also registering that Dazai’s ass is still sitting on his back. He quickly shoves him off, making the brunette roll over like a pencil. “Get off me, bastard!” 

Both of them are on the floor, except Chuuya is sitting up, observing his surroundings. He looks over at Fyodor—who’s shooting mean glares. Chuuya smirks, winking back. He turns his attention back to Dazai, who looks just about passed out with his eyes shut and a smile on his face. 

His eyebrows knit together. “You should’ve warned me before you did that, idiot.” 

A small smile tugs on Dazai’s lips. “Warn you before I propell the both of us across a track field? Mhm, sure. I’ll warn you next time.” 

The redhead bonks Dazai on the head, making him sit up and groan. “Ow…don’t be so mean! We won, after all!” 

Chuuya shortly exhales, glancing at the nasty bruise on Dazai’s knee. The fabric has ripped, revealing blood. “You’re bleeding, dumbass. It’s nasty.” 

The brunette blinks, looking down at his knee. “Oh.” He hadn’t realized it was bleeding before—or that it looked a deep shade of purple and red. 

“Ah, that’s a nasty bruise. You should go to Yosano-sensei’s office. She’s the school nurse. She’ll fix you right up.” 

Dazai slowly nods, processing the information. Chuuya glances at him. If Dazai is in pain, he’s sure as hell really good at hiding. Just looking at the bruise makes Chuuya shiver. 

The brunette tries standing up, but to much dismay, he falls right back on his ass. Chuuya stares at his partner miserably sitting on the ground. A low sigh escapes his lips. “Alright, c’mon.” 

Putting Dazai’s arm over his shoulder and wrapping his own arm around the brunette’s waist, Chuuya helps him stand up. He wobbles for a second, trying to catch his balance. He glances at Chuuya. “What are you doing…?” 

The redhead glares. “What does it look like I’m doing? Bringing your pathetic ass to the nurses office.” Dazai blinks a few times. A smile tugs at his lips. 

From the corner, Hirotsu is stroking his little beard. “You sure you two will be alright? Chuuya, you seem to have a cut on your chin.”

Chuuya lifts his finger to his face. Pulling back, he sees faint blood on the tips. He clicks his tongue. “I’ll get it fixed. Don’t worry.” 

***

It doesn’t take long to get to the nurses office.

Well, it shouldn’t have taken that long. If it weren’t for Dazai’s constant whining and groaning, the two would’ve been there ten minutes ago. 

“Stop whining! I’m literally helping you get there!” Chuuya snaps at Dazai, who is currently flopped all over the redhead; his lanky arms and chin rested on top of Chuuya.

Another groan leaves Dazai’s mouth. “But I can’t, Chuuya. I’m in pain! Humans are supposed to make noise when they’re in pain! Well , unless they’re kinky…”

“SHUT—” Chuuya wraps a hand around the back of Dazai’s neck, giving it a little shake. Strange cartoon noises leave Dazai’s mouth but he doesn’t resist Chuuya’s demonic touch. Once his partner’s hand goes back on Dazai’s waist, the brunette sighs. He rests his cheek on top of the redhead’s head. “Chuuuyaaa. Chuuya, Chuuya, Chuuya.”

Chuuya glares. “I’m right here. What do you want?”

“Carry me on your back please.”

“ Excuse me?!”

Dazai exhales. “My knee is hurting reeeeally badly. I can’t walk anymore.” he says the last few words in a softer voice. Chuuya inspects the brunette attached to his hip. Dazai’s forehead is covered in a thin layer of sweat.

The bandages around his neck are loose, and his cheeks are a little flushed. If Chuuya pays close attention, he can see Dazai’s body slightly shaking. Part of him knows that Dazai is downplaying his own pain. 

He scowls, looking away. “Dammit—you’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” Dazai chuckles, nodding his head. Chuuya moves over to lean him against a wall. He then bends forward a little, back facing Dazai. “Get on, mackerel.”

“Fufu~Chuuya has such creative nicknames for me~” Dazai teases, but nonetheless gets on. Chuuya had thought that Dazai would be heavy, but to his surprise, he isn't.

He isn’t at all. Dazai feels equivalent to a cardboard poster. 

Dazai wraps one arm around Chuuya’s neck, while the other rests on his shoulder. With his hands hooked around Dazai’s thighs, the redhead begins walking. The brunette rests his chin on Chuuya’s shoulder, careful not to hurt his knees. He subtly takes in his scent, nose brushing against the red hair.

Chuuya always smells so nice. It’s not fair. He pouts to himself. 

“Is that it?” Dazai asks out loud. Chuuya has stopped in front of a door. It’s nicely done, not a single paint chip in sight. He nods. “Yeah…” Dazai glances at Chuuya’s face. He looks unsure and a bit...frightened?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, tilting his face in curiosity. Chuuya shakes his head. 

“Nothing...it’s just that Yosano-sensei is known for her...extreme healing abilities…” he shivers at the last part.

When Dazai doesn't respond back, Chuuya gulps. “It’s fine, whatever. Just knock on the door.” he mumbles, bringing Dazai a little bit closer to the door so he can knock on it. The brunette does as he’s told, not saying anything else. 

Dazai knocks three times. There is no answer. The two look at each other, Chuuya shifts his arms a bit under Dazai’s thigh. Just as the brunette is about to knock again, the door to the room flies open. 

“Make sure to take your medication! And if you ever need help, come again!” a lady with short raven colored hair and glasses, holds open the door. Her white lab coat compliments her white button up shirt and black skirt.

The yellow butterfly clip on her hair makes her lip gloss look deadly. The closer Dazai looks, the better he can see the sadistic smile she has on and how wide her eyes are. Despite all of that, her smile is pretty, it reveals her pearly white teeth. 

The boy who she’s talking to, doesn’t look that good.

Except—he does. His uniform looks perfectly ironed, dusty blonde hair spiking up in a few different directions, but other than that, he looks fine. Dazai notices he has a book held against his chest. He can make out the word “ideals.” 

“Yes—thank you for helping me, Yosano-sensei.” the boy uses his finger to push his glasses higher up his nose. He straightens his back, bows a little to Yosano, then walks away.

Yosano smiles, waving goodbye. “My pleasure, Kunikida!” 

Her attention turns back to the two standing in front of her. Dazai can feel Chuuya straighten his poster and gulp. Yosano smiles, it looks almost wicked. “Oya, Oya. Look at what we have here? You boys look... hurt .” 

Chuuya nods. “Uh, yeah. He’s mostly hurt badly. I’m just a bit bruised up.” he nods his head to the brunette on his back. Yosano taps her heel on the floor, crossing her arms over her chest. She moves out of the doorway, giving room for Chuuya to walk in. “Come on in, I’ll fix you right up.” 

Chuuya stares at the door for a second, before shuffling in. He sets Dazai down on the nearest patient chair.

Hands immediately going to his lower back, he groans. “You’re heavier than you look. My back feels like shit.” Dazai only smiles with his eyes closed. He plays innocent. “Aw, thanks for carrying me here, Chibi. That’s what good dogs do~” 

Chuuya glares at Dazai, a scowl on his face. “Who are you calling a dog? I’ll kill you.” His partner rolls his eyes. “Dying by your hands wouldn’t be so appealing, now would it?”

Before Chuuya can say anything back, Yosano comes in with a bag of medical supplies. She sits down on the chair next to Dazai, facing him with gloves on her hands. “Alright, lemme take a look at that nasty bruise on your knee.” 

Dazai sits still in silence as Yosano prods and pokes at the cut. He tries not to flinch.

Finally done inspecating, she sighs. “Well, it looks like you’ll need stitches.” Dazai looks up. He hides the distaste on his face. From the corner of the room, Chuuya looks at him in slight concern, eyebrows knit together. 

“Now, I can either stitch you up here…” Yosano takes off her gloves, throwing them in the trash can. “ Or , I can write a note for your parents or guardian to take you to the hospital to get it stitched up yourself.” 

Dazai pales at the mention of parents. He looks down at his lap and starts to swing his legs a little, like a kid. Yosano nods, as if immediately understanding. “So I’m guessing you want me to just stitch it up here?” Dazai quickly nods, slowly looking up. She softens her tone. “Alright. I’ll do it now.” 

Putting on a new pair of gloves, she begins to dab his knee with a cotton ball. Dazai tries not to give a reaction. He grips the chair's arm rests. Yosano glances at him, eyeing his arm. “You can hold Chuuya’s hand, if it makes you feel better.” 

The brunette and redhead immediately look at each other. Dazai lets out a shaky laugh. “Ha! I don't need to hold anyone’s hand. I’m not a little kid.” Chuuya furiously nods his head too. “Yeah, I don't even want to hold his hand…” the both of them huff away, arms crossed over their chests and noses in the air. 

“Alright, alright. Calm down. This will hurt a bit, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Yosano rolls her eyes, then picks up the needle.

Dazai doesn’t really know what to do except grip the arm rest even harder. He wants to look away when she inserts the needle through his skin, but he can’t. It’s like something is holding his eyes in place. It hurts. A lot. He twitches his knee a bit, but Yosano holds it down in place. 

Just when he’s about to forcefully yank his knee away, he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

It’s Chuuya. 

The brunette looks up, meeting with blue eyes that are staring back at him. Chuuya’s face doesn’t hold much emotion to it, he’s just quiet. He nods at Dazai, then looks away. The pain on his knee is still very real, but the hand on his shoulder feels even realer. 

Trying to change the atmosphere, Dazai attempts to smile. “By the way...I never asked…” he looks up at Chuuya, nudging his side with his elbow. “Why’d you start wearing that choker? Planning on joining a boy band?” his voice comes out humorously shaky.

Chuuya stares down at Dazai before scoffing. He rolls his eyes. “Tachihara said it would make me look cool.” he grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m beginning to think he lied.”

Dazai laughs, his lips slightly parting. “He didn’t lie. You look cool to me.” the redhead looks up, his eyes going a little wide. His face flushes only a dash of pink. He looks away, coughing. “Thanks,” 

“Alright, we’re all done! That was easy!” Yosano sighs with a smile. She knots the rest of Dazai’s stitches, then begins to wrap his knee in bandages.

Chuuya exhales, removing his hand from the brunette’s shoulder. The place where his hand was immediately feels empty.

Yosano stands up, takes off her gloves and starts to grab a new pair to put on. “Time to patch up Chuuya—”

The phone suddenly rings, interrupting her words. She exhales, turning away. “Give me one moment…” 

The two listen on to her hushed words. A few “Oh! Of course!” and “I’ll be right over!” once in a while. It isn’t long before she comes back with a medical bag in her hand. She tucks a piece of hair over her ear. “Sorry, boys. It seems I’m needed for an emergency on the third floor. Some guy broke his hip…” she trails off. 

Coming back to focus, she looks up at Chuuya. “Chuuya—I can patch up your wound a bit later if that’s alright with you. It doesn’t look bad, so it won’t get infected. You two are free to wait here if you’d like.” 

The redhead immediately shakes his head. He really doesn’t want to stay in school for much longer. And plus, he has volleyball practice in an hour.

Yosano could take much longer than that, trying to help a guy with a broken hip. “Nah, it’s fine. I can do it myself.” 

Yosano pauses for a bit, unsure if she should really leave. After a few seconds, she nods. “Alright then, good luck. Call me if you need anything.” and with those words, she waves goodbye to the both of them and leaves the office, closing the door behind her. 

Dazai glances at Chuuya from his spot on the chair. The two stay silent until Chuuya pushes himself off the wall and walks over to the cabinets full of medical supplies. Luckily, everything is right there in front of him, so he doesn’t have to dig around. 

Walking back to Dazai with a few bandages and alcohol pads, he sets them down on the small table. 

“I couldn’t find a mirror,” Chuuya sighs, his hands on his hips. He scratches the back of his neck, wondering what to do. If he doesn’t have a mirror, he can’t exactly clean or bandage his cut correctly.

Dazai silently watches before speaking up. “Sit down.” 

Chuuya looks at him. “...What…” 

Dazai nods to the seat in front of him. “Sit down. I’ll patch you up.” the redhead blinks a few times, processing what’s being said. After a few moments, he shrugs his shoulders.

Pulling up a chair, he sits in front of Dazai, face forward. 

Dazai grabs a cotton swab and tweezers, dipping it in some alcohol. Gently tilting Chuuya’s chin a little up, he softly dabs the cut with the cotton ball. Chuuya winces and Dazai unintentionally strokes his jaw with his thumb to calm him down. 

The simple gesture is so subtle, yet Chuuya feels his hands bunch up into tight fists. His neck feels hot.

The two stay silent as Dazai keeps a straight face. Chuuya doesn’t know where to look, so he keeps his eyes straight onto Dazai’s bandaged neck. His eyes glance at Dazai’s face a few times. He notices the brunette’s concentrated face. His bangs keep getting in eyes. 

Dazai looks a bit frustrated when the strand of hair he blew away comes back.

Without thinking or using any of his brain cells, Chuuya slowly brings a hand up and tucks half of Dazai’s side bangs over his ear. The brunette freezes, and their eyes meet for a split second. “Thanks…” he mumbles. Chuuya simply nods. 

At one point, one of Dazai’s hands is on Chuuya’s cheek while the other is dabbing the wound with antiseptic cream. The two are silently holding their breaths, each of their hearts beating a little too much than usual.

The only sound in the room is the air conditioner. 

“Alright, done.” Dazai speaks, breaking the silence. Chuuya mumbles a “thanks,” as he watches the brunette put back the supplies and begin to stand up. It’s easier to stand now, thanks to Yosano stitching him up and the bandages wrapped around his knee. Even if it’ll be sore, Dazai will manage. 

“You sure you can stand?” Chuuya eyes the brunette, arms hovering in case Dazai falls. The brunette nods. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I feel much better already.” he gives a small smile, although the last words are false.

He doesn’t feel any better, in fact he doesn’t really feel anything. The only thing he can think about is how pretty Chuuya looked with his cheek against Dazai’s hand. 

The redhead nods, turning away. He sucks in a breath, suddenly remembering Dazai’s hand on his cheek. The way he gently stroked his jaw when Chuuya winced.

Chuuya isn’t even sure if the brunette had noticed what he was doing. 

The only thing he wants to do is run. He needed some time away from Dazai. Why was he feeling like this?

He had simply gotten help with tending a wound, nothing more, nothing less. The back of his mind seemed to go off like alarms, screaming “homoerotic moment!” 

“I have volleyball practice, so I need to go.” Chuuya mumbles, glancing at Dazai. The brunette blinks a few times, then nods. “Sure. See you tomorrow.” 

Chuuya waves a little before reaching to grab the doorknob. Just as he’s about to leave, he turns back. “Wait—we need to work on the history project. But the place we went last time isn’t free anymore. So maybe...we could go to your place…?” Chuuya isn’t sure about mentioning the last part. He doesn’t want to make Dazai uncomfortable. 

Dazai ponders on what to say for a moment. “We can’t go to your place?” 

The red head slowly shakes his head, feeling a bit insecure. “I don’t really...have a place.” 

The brunette nods, needing no further explanation. “Sure. You can come to my place this weekend.” 

A small grin takes over Chuuya’s face. “M’kay, mackerel. I’ll see you soon.” 

Chapter Text

Today is the day Chuuya is supposed to come over. 

Dazai has to keep reminding himself that it’s only for study purposes, nothing more. But every time he thinks about Chuuya, he repeats the same tiring cycle.

He first thinks about Chuuya’s freckles, which leads him to wonder if they are freckles anywhere else on his body, which makes his face feel hot and his brain feel fuzzy, which causes him to let out a huge inhuman groan, stuff his face in his pillow and aggressively punch the mattress. 

Honestly, thinking about another person is so exhausting. Thinking about that short temperamental ginger...

He has absolutely no clue why he feels this way. And that’s saying something because Dazai always finds the logic behind things. Well, not all things. To him, his life is one big mystery. He knows why he acts the way he does. It’s because he was put into fight or flight situations from a young age. 

He knows exactly why someone acts the way they do. For example, he knows attachment issues can stem from not having enough love or care from people in your life. Commitment issues can be caused by lack of trust and broken promises. 

The brunette has been taken advantage of and been manipulated by so many adults in his life, that he’s built several walls to enclose himself in his own bubble. 

He knows the logic behind why people act the way they do, but really, the question of why he acts differently is still a mystery to himself.

Why is he the only one not like everyone else? No matter how close people appear to be with each other, they’re all really different on the inside. 

Dazai doesn’t know whether that’s scary or beautiful. He’s having a hard time trying to find the beauty in it. 

He knows he is liked by other people, but he seems to be deficient in the ability to love others. For someone like himself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken, he is forever trying to read the expression on people’s faces. 

If only he could fit into this terrifying society. If only he didn’t have to be so afraid. If only he could feel full and content without actually associating himself with others. Why must he be so conflicting? So contradicting? Why can’t  he just make a choice and—

“Osamu,” 

Dazai’s head snaps to the sound at the door. It’s his father, knocking.

His father is a complicated man. He’s successful in making money, having a rich home, creating business deals, looking professional, and having a clean and promising reputation. 

He is successful in everything except earning any type of love from his son. He has managed to fail that countless times. 

“Can I come in?” he asks, knocking once more. 

Dazai mumbles an incoherent “I’m changing” before scrambling off the bed. He puts out the blunt he was previously smoking, throwing it out the window. 

Grabbing the air freshener from his bathroom, he quickly sprays the room with its essence, hoping it’ll mask the blunts’ smell. 

He’s done this before, of course. He’s been doing it for the past few months and his parents still haven’t caught him. It’s either they’re too busy and stupid to realize or Dazai’s just that smart. He thinks it’s both. 

“What the hell? It doesn’t take that long to change—I’m coming in,” his father mutters from outside. Within seconds, he turns the doorknob and barges into the room. But Dazai is already sitting perfectly still on his bed, wearing his glasses and reading a book. 

His father eyes him carefully, scanning the whole room. He sniffs a few times with his nose as Dazai continues reading, pretending to not pay attention. 

“Well—” he exhales, scratching the back of his head. He turns to his son. “Look at me when I’m speaking to you, Osamu.” he narrows his face. 

A small sigh leaves Dazai’s lips. He sets the book down and glances at his father. 

The man clears his throat. “I just wanted to tell you that your mother and I won’t be home for the weekend. We’re going on a business trip to Tokyo.” 

Dazai slowly nods, seeming uninterested. He’s used to this. It’s nothing special. “Okay...so why didn’t you just text me that like you usually do?” 

His father raises his brows, scoffing. As if Dazai has said an unspeakable thing. 

“What do you mean, ‘like I usually do’? Are you implying we’re bad parents? I’m telling you this in person because I’m a good father. You should be grateful. Most kids don’t get what you have.” he crosses his arms over his chest. 

Dazai sighs, rubbing his eyes. “I wasn’t implying anything. Just—nevermind. Forget it.” 

“Don’t give me that attitude.” he scolds, leaning against the doorway. Dazai lazily nods his head, pretending to space out. “Mhm.”

He’s noticed that parents get offended when their kid doesn't give them a reaction. He’s learned to do that. 

He goes back to his reading, but his father is still standing by the wall. The brunette looks up. “Do you need anything else?” 

His father shakes his head. Leaning down closer, he presses a chaste kiss on top of his son’s head. The brunette wants to move away, he almost squirms under the unwanted touch.

He hates it when anyone touches him—especially his parents. 

His father ignores any signs of discomfort and smiles. “Always remember that I love you, kiddo.” 

Dazai wants to die. 

Whenever his parents tell him they love him, he wants to physically rip out his hair and strangle himself to death. He never says it back. It’s funny how they think he loves them too, just how a respectful and doting son should. 

Dazai has no clue what love is, but he sure as hell doesn’t want to label whatever he has going on with his parents as “love.” 

Please don’t say you love me. I’m so sick of it. 

From the side table, his phone goes off with a ping!—it’s a notification. 

He grabs his phone and opens the text message. It’s from Chuuya.

Speaking of Chuuya, the brunette has already named the caller ID as “temperamental ginger,” which makes him feel better. 

Temperamental Ginger: I’ll be at your house in 20 minutes. 

Dazai: Okay >_<

The brunette smacks his lips, raising a brow. 

His partner will be here earlier than expected. He gulps. They’ll be working on the project in his room, so there won’t be any need to show Chuuya around the house. 

…Wait...in my room?!

A sudden realization seems to go off in his head. There’s a slight problem. Dazai has never brought anyone to his room before. 

Where will they sit? On his bed or on the floor? Should he prepare snacks? Is the temperature of his room too hot—or too cold? Will Chuuya want to take a nap if he’s tired? Would he want to nap on Dazai’s bed?—

Wait, why am I even thinking about Chuuya laying on my bed in the first place?! 

An exasperated sigh leaves his lips as he flops down on the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. Chuuya coming over to study isn’t supposed to be this complicated, so why does his heart speed up every time he thinks about the redhead? 

The doorbell rings, making him jolt up. It’s probably Chuuya. At least, he’s hoping it is.

Quickly, he walks to the front door and looks through the peephole. And sure enough, it’s the redhead. Dazai sucks in a breath, shaking his head. He inhales, closing his eyes. He opens the door. 

“Hey,” Chuuya looks up from his phone, nodding at Dazai. 

“Hi.” The brunette makes way for Chuuya to come into the house. His partner slowly walks in, glancing around the walls. 

Dazai’s house looks very modern. Almost everything is white, except for the few splashes of dull neutral colors from the furniture. The windows are clear glass, cream colored shades pulled down. 

There are black marble statues that look like they’re from auctions. They probably are , Chuuya thinks.

It’s extremely big and spacious, which is already surprising because they’re still near the front door.

Chuuya had a feeling Dazai was well off, but he didn’t think the brunette was that type of rich. There’s something strange about it though. 

He notices it’s eerily quiet. It’s empty…almost lonely . 

“Uh...are your parents home…?” Chuuya cautiously asks, glancing at Dazai. The brunette shakes his head, locking the front door. “They’re on a business trip in Tokyo. They won’t be home for the weekend.” 

Chuuya nods, not saying anything more. Business meeting, huh? His parents must be important people. 

“We can work on the project in my room,” Dazai suggests, walking to the hallway. He suddenly halts, looking back at Chuuya. “Or do it on the kitchen table…if you’re not comfortable…” 

Chuuya shakes his head. “It’s okay. Bedroom sounds fine.” 

Dazai nods, turning away. He bites back a smile and opens the door to his room for Chuuya to come in.

The redhead glances around. Dazai’s room is a lot more simpler than he thought it’d be. There aren’t any posters or decorations. It kind of looks like one of those patient rooms at the mental hospital…

“Alright,” Chuuya clasps his hands together, sitting down on the carpet in front of the small table. “Let’s begin.” 

Dazai nods, pushing away a few strands of hair. He sits down next to Chuuya, making sure to leave enough space between them, and the two start working away. 

***

Before he knows it, it’s been an hour and a half and Dazai doesn’t have a single word written on his paper. He looks down and slumps. 

He’s been too busy staring at Chuuya. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. 

He doesn’t know when the staring started. His eyes, at one point, just seemed to slowly draw out to the redhead’s hands. Why are his hands so pretty? The shape of Chuuya’s knuckles, the way he holds the pencil, the tiny white scar near his thumb. He has a few scars, actually. They’re littered across his skin. 

Dazai thinks they look pretty cool. Everything about Chuuya is pretty cool. 

The brunette’s eyes seem to lift up, now glancing at Chuuya’s face. A few strands of his red hair hang by his eyes, the rest over his ear. Vacant blue eyes set on his paper, he’s concentrated on working.

Dazai’s gaze sends to drift to his partner's face. It’s a pretty good looking face, he’s got to give him that. The redhead’s nose bridge is perfect, his jawline already a bit prominent at a young age. 

Chuuya’s cheeks look a bit chubby too. Dazai is getting the bone crushing urge to squish them. 

“Hey!” 

He snaps his head up, making eye contact with the redhead. Chuuya’s brows are furrowed as he flips over Dazai’s paper to reveal no words on the page. He narrows his eyes at the brunette. “You haven’t been working at all?! ” 

The brunette blinks, a sudden idea popping  into his head. He props his chin up on his hand, resting his elbow on the table. Ever so slightly, he tilts his head, half lidded eyes look directly at Chuuya. “I got distracted.” 

Chuuya blinks a few times, silent for a moment. He then squints his eyes. “Huh? Well then, stop getting distracted!” He goes back to his paper. 

Dazai drops the hand from his chin, letting it fall limp to his side. His mouth slightly parts, eyes a little wide from shock. He internally groans. 

That was his very first attempt at flirting.

Were his eyes not alluring enough? Did the hand on his cheek not make Chuuya swoon? Did his bangs make him look like the creepy emo theatre kid that nobody talks to?

Honestly, the TV shows made it look so easy! Flirting shouldn’t be this hard! 

From the corner of his eye, Chuuya sees Dazai spaced out, eyes glued to who knows where. He clicks his teeth, setting down his pencil. He snaps his fingers in front of Dazai’s face, making the brunette look up. “Alright, let's take a break.” 

Dazai raises a brow. “A break…?”

Chuuya nods, standing up to stretch. “You’re obviously not focused right now. And plus, my ass hurts. You need a softer carpet.” 

Dazai silently watches Chuuya raise his arms above his head and let out a tiny groan. He tries to avert his eyes when the redhead’s shirt rides a bit up his stomach, revealing skin.

From the corner of the table, he sees Chuuya’s phone light up from a notification. He can’t help but quickly read the text.

Onee-san: Are you sure you don’t want to do anything for your birthday?

Dazai raises a brow, a bit confused. He glances at the redhead. “You have a big sister?”

Chuuya flicks his eyes towards the brunette, snatching his phone from the table. He shakes his head. “She’s not really my sister…” 

Dazai tilts his head. “I thought you were a foster kid?” 

Chuuya exhales, shooting Dazai a look. He’s not offended, and he’s not really ashamed of that title. So he answers truthfully. “Onee-san is someone who’s kinda looked after me for the past few years, ever since middle school. She’s the only person I’m close with, I guess.” 

Dazai slowly nods, realizing setting in. “So your Onee-san is Ozaki-sensei?”

Chuuya’s eyes go wide, jaw dropping. He elbows the brunette in the guts. “HUH? How—how did you even figure that out??”

Dazai smirks, shrugging his shoulders. “Just a hunch. You two seemed kinda close when I first met her.” The redhead silently looks at his partner before rolling his eyes, letting out a huff. 

Chuuya’s stomach growls. He blinks a few times, before it growls again. “Got any snacks?” 

Shaking his head, the brunette walks to his side table and pulls out the draw. “Probably not, but I have a blunt.” 

Chuuya raises an eyebrow and looks between Dazai and the small bag in his hand. He shrugs his shoulders. “Good enough.”

Within a short while, the two are sharing the blunt Dazai had kept in his drawer.

They’re sitting on his bed—or at least, Dazai is sitting. Chuuya has made himself comfortable by laying on top of the covers on his back. He lazily holds out a hand, signaling Dazai to pass him the roll. 

“Your parents don’t catch you with this stuff?” Chuuya asks in curiosity, blowing out some smoke. Dazai nods in a trance, memorized by the way Chuuya pouts out his lips and licks them right afterwards. 

The redhead glances at him, raising an eyebrow. “Wait—so they’ve caught you before?” 

The brunette quickly shakes his head, rubbing his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. 

“No, I—they haven’t.” 

Chuuya gives him a confused look but shrugs his shoulders. “What’s up with you today? You seem...even more distracted than before.”  

“Nothing.” Dazai mumbles, looking away. If only you knew...actually, I don’t really know myself either.

“I’m tired.” the redhead states out a few moments later, letting out a little sigh.

Closing his eyes and setting his hands on his stomach, he leaves his legs hanging off the bed. Dazai stares at how peaceful his face looks before hesitantly laying on the bed next to him.

The brunette is on his side, only a few inches away from Chuuya’s body. His bangs fall over the side of his face, so he blows the strands away. Either of them are too buzzed to think straight. 

When Dazai looks up, he can see Chuuya slightly bopping his head from side to side. He raises an eyebrow, putting a hand on the redhead’s arm. “Are you a lightweight or something?” 

Chuuya’s face scrunches, a small hazy chuckle leaves his lips. “No.” He shortly says. 

Dazai knows that’s a lie. From the small smile tugging on Chuuya’s lips to the little bounce he does to his feet—the brunette knows his partner is totally out of it from only a few puffs. 

When he looks back at Chuuya’s face, he can see that the redhead looks almost passed out. He quickly taps his shoulder, face a little alarmed. “H-hey Chuuya! Don’t fall asleep here!” 

Falling asleep on my bed…

“Mhm, I’m not! I swear I’m not…” Chuuya snaps his tired eyes open, he looks around for a few seconds before closing them back shut.

The brunette lets out a small groan, laying his head back down next to Chuuya’s. 

The two stare at the ceiling, a comfortable silence settling in as their shoulders brush. Chuuya turns his head a bit, facing Dazai. The two make eye contact, making the brunette blink in confusion. “Is there something on my face…?” 

The redhead is scanning Dazai’s face, but somehow keeping his eyes very still. In all honesty, he thinks Dazai is very pretty. Not the usual type of pretty—the type of pretty where you want to preserve it forever. The type of pretty where he’s so beautiful that he could stare at the brunette forever. 

Chuuya turns away, closing his eyes to face the ceiling. “Nope,” he pops the ‘p.’ 

Dazai only furrows his brows and sighs. If he had known Chuuya would be so affected by the blunt, he would’ve never offered it. But then again…seeing this new and gentle side of the redhead wasn't…it wasn’t the worst thing ever. 

“Hey Dazai,”

“Hm?”

“Why’d you transfer to Yokohama City Academy?” 

The question lingers in the air. Dazai isn’t sure how to respond. Why did I transfer? That’s a million dollar question. 

“I…” the words get caught in his throat, so he stays silent. After all, how can he explain that the reason he left was because of the big incident? The accident. The accident that so horribly scarred him. 

The ship…it’s sinking…Dazai’s body is sinking…his lungs are filling with water…no air…no light…

“My parents moved here because of their job.” He manages to choke out. But from the corner of his eye, Chuuya can see that his arm is slightly shaking. Hesitating a bit, he gently grabs Dazai’s hand, clasping it on his own. 

“You don’t have to lie, you know. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.” Chuuya mumbles, peeking out from the corner of his eye. Dazai’s voice is yet again caught in his throat—he’s unable to speak. So he simply nods.

With a chance from praying to a God he doesn’t believe in, he gently tilts his head so that it’s touching Chuuya’s shoulder. He doesn’t know if he wants the redhead to notice or not. 

“I don’t know why I work so hard, to be honest.” Chuuya sighs. “It’ll all probably be worth nothing in the future.” 

Dazai raises an eyebrow. Chuuya will probably regret rambling about stuff like this…

“No one knows for sure…” Dazai mumbles. He’s not an optimist—and he doesn’t wanna lie to Chuuya. The redhead chuckles, facing Dazai with his eyes still shut. “Yeah. No one knows…”

The brunette suddenly feels something pulling on his hair. He turns his head and to his complete and utter surprise, it’s Chuuya twirling a piece of his brown lock with his finger. He gulps. “Uhm…” 

“You smell nice,” Chuuya mumbles, the tip of his nose touching Dazai’s ear. 

HUH?!?!?! 

A panic goes through Dazai’s whole body. When had Chuuya gotten so close? When and why was his hair being smelled? For some reason he’s glad he took a shower before having Chuuya over…

...wait…what is even happening?! 

Chuuya doesn’t let go of Dazai’s hair, nor does he move away. So the two stay in that position. Dazai is completely frozen. He glances at the redhead every once in a while, he doesn’t know if he’s asleep. 

The way Chuuya is laying next to him—close enough for Dazai to see his chest rise up and down—it’s enough to make him relax and take a breath. 

Only a few minutes of silence goes by before Dazai shoots up, his eyes wide. “Wait—isn’t it your birthday?” 

Chuuya scrunches his face yet again, using his arm to push Dazai back on the bed. “Calm down, idiot. It’s not my birthday today.” 

“Well, when is it?” 

“It’s not important.” 

“I just want to know!” 

“Uh, why? ”

“Tell me or else I’ll cut off your hair.” 

Chuuya scrambles up from bed, hands immediately flying to his head as he tries to cautiously move away from Dazai. A scowl leaves his lips. “The fuck? It’s in two days. Happy now? Don’t touch my hair. I’ll cut off your fingers.” 

The brunette lays back down with a satisfied smirk on his face. “So the chibi is older than me? But shorter too~”

“I’m still growing!” Chuuya perks up, grumbling a bit, but lays back down next to the brunette. Dazai can’t stop the smile from forming on his lips. “So you don’t wanna do anything for your birthday?” 

Chuuya shakes his head. “Eh, it’s not really my thing.” 

Dazai nods. “Not my thing either.” 

The redhead sighs, getting up from the bed. He scratches the back of his head. “Mind showing me where the bathroom is?” 

Dazai nods, pointing to the door across from his room. Chuuya mumbles a “thanks” before making his way to the door and closing it behind him.

As soon as his back hits the cool tile wall, he flops down on the floor.

Shit shit shit. 

The buzz is going away, which means Chuuya is remembering bits and pieces from a while ago. 

He had held Dazai’s hand? Twirled a piece of his hair like a fucking princess? What the fuck?? 

Leaning on the counter, Chuuya drags a hand across his face, letting out a small groan.

What’s the matter with him? Who is this Dazai Osamu and why is he making Chuuya act like a dumbass? 

Dazai would be considered an outcast—a social reject. He barely talks, barely eats, always hangs out with kids older than him, and always stays in a stuffy old library. So what is it about him that keeps Chuuya attracted to him? 

Chuuya looks in the mirror, hands on either side of the counter. He tugs his choker a bit, allowing more space for him to breathe. It’s suddenly getting very hard to breathe. A minute goes by before he’s able to calm down.

Running a hand through his hair, he opens the bathroom door and walks out.

Honestly, thinking about another person is so exhausting. Thinking about that lanky bandaged bastard…

Chapter Text

Happiness. 

It’s an emotion. A feeling. A fleeting moment in which you forget everything dark and twisted about your life. A few seconds in which those horrendous thoughts you usually have, disappear. Until that feeling comes back again. That feeling swells back into your chest, gnawing at your heart until it cracks. 

And then you’re simply left with nothing. It happens so quickly you don’t even have time to think about what to do next. How to recover from that pitting feeling. Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever recover. 

Sometimes, when he’s surrounded by people, he’ll be fine. He’ll talk, smile, and contribute to conversations. He doesn’t think it’s genuine, but it’s whatever. But then all of a sudden he’ll look away and it’s like he’s staring at his own body from a movie screen. It’s that sudden feeling where he realizes his whole life—he’s always been this way. 

Ever since he was little, he would always get this feeling like he’s floating outside of his body, looking down at himself. 

And he hates what he sees. How he’s acting. The way he sounds. The way he looks. The way he bites his lips until they bleed. The way he can’t stop cracking his knuckles. The way his heart speeds up at the littlest things. The way he’s scared of people even though they probably mean well.

And he has no idea how to change it. 

He’s always lived through the saying “fake it till you make it.” And somehow it worked. But Dazai knows he hasn’t really “made it.” He actually doesn’t think he ever will. A part of him has accepted that already. 

So now he’s sitting on the toilet lid, wrapping bandages on his arm. It’s 10am—way too early to be awake on a Saturday. It’s also April 29th. Chuuya’s birthday. The brunette never planned on doing anything for his partner, but here he was. Getting ready to surprise the redhead.

For what reason? He has no clue. 

Or he does. And just refuses to acknowledge it. 

Letting out a tiny frustrated groan, Dazai ties the ends of his bandages and walks out of the bathroom. Why is he even doing this in the first place? It’s not like he has a plan or any location in mind. Chuuya has been the only other kid the brunette has talked to in the few months he’s been at this school. 

He doesn’t find Chuuya special, never that. He just thinks...maybe the last time he had hung out with Chuuya was...different? The redhead had literally snuggled up to Dazai and said his hair smelled good. My god, the things he would do to experience that again. Dazai shivers just thinking about it. 

That day they studied, Chuuya had left abruptly by saying he had some personal work to do. Dazai isn’t sure whether that was true or not. When Chuuya came out of the bathroom, he looked calm and collected. But his face was a little red and hair dischieved. He only shot the brunette a smile and thanked him for the day. Riding away on his bike and leaving Dazai a bit appalled. 

Dazai isn’t wearing anything fancy today (he never really does, to be honest). Just a pair of dark jeans, white converse with a shirt and black jacket on top. His hair is messy but he doesn’t want to brush it. Grabbing some cash and shoving a gray beanie on his head, he leaves the house. 

Halfway through the walk, he stops. He checks his pockets, thinking he’s left something back home. But it’s not that—he just feels as if he’s missing a vital piece of information.

Wait. 

He doesn’t even know where Chuuya lives.

So where the hell is he planning to go? In order to surprise him, the brunette actually has to surprise him . Should he try calling Odasaku and ask him if he knows? Oda might be busy right now...so who else is close with Chuuya?

A lightbulb goes off in Dazai’s brain as he turns around and dashes back home. 

Kouyou .

Chuuya had said Kouyou was a sister to him. So that must surely mean she knows where the redhead is living. 

Dazai barges into his room, spraying out the papers on his desk. He clicks his tongue, fingers finally tapping on the school paper with phone numbers on it. His eyes scan down the list. 

Ozaki-sensei

Without even properly thinking, he dials the number. It’s only on the third ring that Kouyou picks up. She sounds surprised, morning voice a bit evident. 

“Eh…who is this?” 

He licks his lips. “Dazai Osamu. First year in your history class.” 

Kouyou is silent for a few seconds before she clears her throat. “Ah, you . What’s with the sudden phone call? And on a Saturday morning, nonetheless.” 

The brunette gulps. Was this a bad idea? He’s already partly regretting this decision. “Um, I heard you’re like a sister to Chuuya…and…”

He can hear Kouyou sigh from the other line. It’s not an annoyed sigh though. More like a relieved one. She softens her tone. “What is it dear?” 

“Do you know where Chuuya is right now?” 

The line goes silent.

He can almost picture the woman rubbing her forehead. He wants to take it back. “Never mind, forget it. I—”

“What do you plan to do once you find him?” 

Dazai stops moving. He lets out a quiet exhale. “I wanna…hang out, I guess…” Kouyou nods from the other line. “Are you two friends?” 

“Um…” he has no clue. But luckily Kouyou doesn’t press on. She only hums in understanding. “If I give you his address, will you make sure he has a good birthday? A good time?” 

Dazai nods. “Yeah. Of course.” 

“Good. I’m glad. He deserves it.” 

*** 

Kouyou had texted him the address where he was supposed to find Chuuya. It’s pretty far away from Dazai’s place; definitely not a walking distance. So he had to call a taxi.

“We’re here.” The cab driver mutters from the driver’s seat. Dazai looks up from his trance and digs in his pockets for cash. He hands the driver a twenty dollar bill and opens the door to the car. “Thanks,” he mumbles, getting out. As soon as the door is shut, the car speeds away.

“Well…this is definitely… something. ” The brunette looks up in slight awe, brows furrowed. It’s a building. Not too tall; it looks marble and smooth. The windows are lightly tinted and the door is dark wood. 

Dazai looks around once more before walking up to the front steps. Next to the door, there’s a keypad of some sort. There are numbers with buttons on the side, indicating floor levels. Kouyou had said to press on the button next to floor seven. 

And so he does. 

He can hear a faint buzzer go off from the inside, something he’s unfamiliar with. Honestly, the whole place looks like a classic apartment building. But what would Chuuya be doing here? 

The door makes a clicking noise, so Dazai pushes it open. He’s met with cool hallway air—making him exhale because of the nice atmosphere. The building doesn’t give off any creepy or unwelcome vibes that Dazai usually gets. It’s actually pretty homey.

He can see a man in uniform sitting by the front desk, a small book in his hand. Dazai isn’t sure if he’s supposed to speak to the man—or even be in the building. So he quietly shuffles near the desk. 

The man glances up at Dazai and offers him a small smile. He nods for the brunette to go further; right where the elevators are. Dazai gulps, nodding. He makes his way in front of the silver doors. He presses the green button, and the elevator dings. Now to wait. 

A few minutes go by and the number on top of the elevator decreases. It’s coming from the seventh floor. ..

When the elevator door opens, Dazai is met face to face with Chuuya. 

The two blink and stare at each other before Chuuya puts his hands up in a kung-fu position, eyes widening. “What the fuck?! Why are you here?” 

“Uh…” Dazai doesn’t have a solid clue on what to say. He had tried to think of an answer while coming here, but never succeeded in finding a valid one. He looks back at the redhead. 

Chuuya is wearing his boxers (which Dazai can’t stop staring at because they’re his favorite shade of blue), a white tank top, and flip flops. His hair is a bit messy and he has sunglasses resting on top of his head. 

When the brunette doesn’t answer, Chuuya snaps his fingers in front of Dazai’s face. “I asked you a question! Why—better yet— how did you find me here?” 

“Kouyou told me you’d be here,” he finally says. The redhead stays still for a moment before lickling his lips. “That bitch.” He taps his foot on the ground a couple times before looking back at Dazai. “Well,” He runs a hand through his hair, raising his brows. “What did you—”

“Chuuya! There you are!” 

Dazai turns his head at the chirpy feminine voice, eyes trailing the person's body. It’s a young girl with pink hair. She’s wearing a black jersey jacket and shorts. Her eyes sparkle and light up as she wraps herself around Chuuya’s arm. Chuuya mumbles a short “eh?” before realization hits. “Oh Yuan, it’s you. Where’s Shirase?” 

From the corner of the room, a boy comes walking in. He has spiky light blue hair and has on a black shirt with navy blue pants. Dazai immediately notices that all three of them are wearing the same blue bracelet.

“Chuuya, where’d you go?” the boy asks, who Dazai assumes is Shirase. Chuuya shrugs his shoulders. “Was getting some fresh air.” 

Shirase jokingly elbows Chuuya with a small smirk on his face. He cautiously glances at Dazai. “Who’s this guy?” 

Chuuya snaps his head back to the brunette, who is standing there, hands in his pockets. He shakes his head. “Oh, that’s Dazai. My friend.” Dazai’s eyes slightly widen at the mention of “friend.” His heart swells up a bit before realization hits. That’s right. I’m just...a friend. 

“But nevermind that,” Chuuya turns his attention back to Shirase. “What did you want?” 

Shirase smugly clicks his tongue, smiling. He edges closer to Chuuya’s ear, mumbling something that only the four kids in the lobby would be able to hear. “ I was able to steal some booze from that store manager today. Let’s have fun with it! It’s your birthday after all, isn’t it?”  

Chuuya makes a face, blinking away. “You stole booze again?! Do you know how fucked we’d be if you get caught?!” he’s practically fuming, grabbing Shirase’s collar too. The light haired boy groans, as if expecting Chuuya to say that. “Dude, chill . We took the risk for you . The least you could do is let us have some fun.” 

Chuuya stays silent, looking Shirase in the eye before scowling. He lets go of his collar. “Fine, whatever. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care.” with those words, he turns away from Shirase and Yuan. Grabbing Dazai’s hand in his, he leads the both of them right out the front door. 

Dazai doesn’t resist the tug, but he is a bit confused. He decides he doesn’t like Shirase or Yuan. Neither of them really sounded like friends. 

Once Chuuya has brought them outside, he lets go of Dazai’s hand and exhales. “They’re gonna fucking die one day if they keep pulling stunts like that. I won’t always be there to get them out of shit.” 

The brunette tilts his head, eyeing his friend. “It looks to me like they're using you.” 

Chuuya doesn’t turn around to face Dazai. He just shrugs his shoulders. The brunette cautiously continues. “You’re not their dog. You have a brain and can think for yourself. Even a child could do that much.” 

Chuuya lifts his eyes to meet Dazai’s. His lips part for a second before he shuts them back close. Dazai smirks. “Well, you’re my dog though. Only I can have you!”

“What did you say?!” 

“And you seemed quite eager to pull me out of there. You must be in love with me!”

“Shut up, that’s so gross I could die!”

“Ha, you’re right! I could die too. The mere thought is sending shivers down my spine.” Dazai hugs himself, dramatically shaking. Chuuya lets out a laugh/scowl/curse all at once while smacking the brunette on his head. “Anyway, I forgot to ask—why’d you come here in the first place?” 

Dazai sits down on the bench, crossing his legs. He shrugs. “No reason. I was just curious, that’s all.” 

Chuuya sighs, sitting down next to him. Their shoulders brush. “Curious, huh? I guess that’s fair considering I’ve been to your house.” The brunette nods. “What is this place anyway? 

The redhead glances at the building before turning back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Shirase and Yuan are also foster kids, along with me and others. This is an apartment building but the three of us, plus a few more older kids, have rented out an apartment on the seventh floor.”

Dazai nods, putting together the puzzle pieces. “Why would they allow a few young teens to rent out an apartment?” 

Chuuya shakes his head. “Well, they wouldn’t . But you saw that man at the front desk? He’s the landlord. Onee-san is close friends with him. He lets us live here if we pay the rent properly. The other older kids and I work a few odd jobs.” 

“You say ‘older kids’ as if there’s more than that. You mean there are younger ones?” Dazai tilts his head. Chuuya nods. “There are kids under fourteen who are still stuck in foster homes across Yokohama. Some homes are good, others..not so much. The foster homes Shirase, Yuan, and I were in, weren’t the best. So we left.” 

Dazai silently nods, brows furrowing. He doesn’t know what else to say. But he sure is thinking a lot. Chuuya is a strong person—there’s no doubt about that. Dazai thinks that’s admirable. Chuuya’s leadership skills and perseverance. It’s something he strangely finds interesting. Not on other people—but only on Chuuya. 

The redhead glances at Dazai when he hasn’t said anything back. He quickly shakes his head. “Uh, sorry. You probably didn’t wanna hear all that shit—” 

“It’s fine. I like hearing about you.” Dazai shoots him a genuine smile. Chuuya gulps before nodding. The brunette gets up from his seat on the bench and grins. “C’mon, let's go. I know an arcade not too far from here.” 

Chuuya furrows his brows before shrugging. “Sounds good to me.” he stands up too, patting off his clothes. Dazai smirks, eyeing him up and down. “Nice boxers. I love the color!” 

The redhead glances down at his body before scowling a light shade of red. He grits his teeth. “Let me fucking change. I’ll be right back.” with those words muttered, he jogs to the front door, disappearing from Dazai’s sight. 

The brunette smiles, resting both hands on his hips. He was right. 

Chuuya does have freckles on his body. 

***

“Literally where are we going.” 

“Shut up, you’ll see.” 

“You’ve been saying that for the past twenty minutes.” 

“Be a good dog, and shut the fuck up.” 

“No, you shut up!”

“You didn’t deny you’re my dog.” Dazai mumbles under his breath, looking at the map on his phone. Even though he had said he knew an arcade around there, he isn’t sure what direction it’s in. 

Chuuya mutters a few curses, snatching Dazai’s phone from his hand. The brunette lets out a whine before aiming his arms back at Chuuya. 

“Give me a second to look at the map, mackerel.” Chuuya’s hand is pushing away Dazai’s cheek as the brunette groans. “What, you think your eyes are better than mine? We’re reading the same map!” 

Chuuya ignores Dazai and his lanky bandages arms over him. His eyes widen, mouth parting into a small scowl. “OI!” he snaps his eyes back to Dazai. The brunette immediately stands up straight, eyes blinking. Chuuya reaches out to shake his shoulders. “YOU’VE BEEN READING THE FUCKING MAP UPSIDE DOWN!” 

Dazai stares for a moment before letting his mouth form into an ‘o’ shape. He sheepishly laughs, scratching the back of his head. “Well...what do ya’ know…” 

Chuuya smacks his own face, shaking his head. “How does one read a digital map upside down? It would be one thing if it was a paper map. But no—you—Jesus.” 

Chuuya sighs, rolling his eyes at Dazai. The brunette cheekily smiles, the both of them turning back to the map on the phone. Chuuya has taken charge now, fixing the directions. 

Dazai has his arms over Chuuya’s shoulders from behind, chin resting on top of his head. The redhead notices the physical contact but stays focused on the map. 

And so the two start walking, making their way in the actual direction of the arcade. Dazai’s arms are still over Chuuya’s shoulders. “Chu Chu Train!” Dazai chirps from behind Chuuya. The redhead groans, but doesn’t attempt to move. 

“There it is!” Dazai says, moving next to Chuuya. They’ve finally made it to the arcade. It’s not that big, and it looks a bit old. But from the outside they can see lights flashing along with adults, children, and teens playing games. A small smile tugs at Chuuya’s lips. “Finally.” 

***

“Come on, come on! You’re never going to win if you’re always on defense!”

“Well, too bad for you.”

“HANG ON A SECOND!”

The game shuts down as Chuuya slumps in his seat, head hanging low. The yellow glow from the screen dims and Dazai smirks. “Remember our promise? The loser has to obey one order from the winner, like a dog.”

Chuuya slams his fist on the counter, smacking his head on the table. The brunette continues, tone full of mischief. “Now, what should I have you do?” 

The redhead explodes, standing up. He raises his arms to the side of his head, furiously waving around in anger. “I was so sure I could win, too!” 

Dazai’s face forms an ‘I told ya so’ expression. He waves his hand around, tone smug. “You’re strong. So strong that you never learned to be cunning or to think tactically. Whether it’s video games or riddles.” 

“Riddles?” Chuuya grits his teeth, on the verge of losing his mind. He slams his fists back on the counter, facing Dazai with eyes full of fury. “I don’t remember ever doing riddles, let alone losing!”

The brunette grins, feeling fueled by Chuuya’s sudden outburst. He brings his face closer to the redhead, both of them inches apart. “Then let’s have a contest to see who can win the next game first. If you win, we can call off the bet we had.” An evil smile appears on his eyes, eyebrows furrowing and eyes full of malice. “But if I win, you’re my dog for life.” 

Chuuya slams his foot onto the counter, pointing his arm at the brunette. Other people around them stare in awe, hushed whispers and hands to their mouths. Chuuya doesn’t seem to care. “You’re on! I’ll do it! I’m neither cunning or tactical? Why would I ever show you what I have up my sleeve?”

Dazai brings his face closer to Chuuya’s, smirking. “Oya Oya? The chibi has tricks up his sleeve?” 

“Dear God, just kiss already.” 

Both of them snap their heads towards the voice. It’s a waitress. She has two trays full of leftover food in her hands. Short blonde hair and brown eyes. Her name plate reads ‘Higuchi .’ 

“E-Excuse me?” Chuuya raises a confused eyebrow, glancing at Dazai. Higuchi shakes her head, a sigh escaping her lips. “I’ve been watching you two and your constant bickering for the past six hours. You fight like an old married couple.” 

“EH?” Chuuya points between himself and the brunette, eyes wide. “Him and I? N-No you’re mistaken.” Dazai slowly nods his head, lips pulled into a pout. Although both their faces are red. 

Higuchi shrugs her shoulders, taking their leftover food trays. “Suit yourself. Just hurry up and get out of here. We’re closing in twenty minutes.” 

The both of them only silently stare as she walks away, body disappearing from sight. Chuuya gulps, slowly turning back. “Uh…”

Dazai smiles, semi-throwing his hands in the air. He’s trying to lighten the mood. “We should get out of here, doggy.” 

“DOGGY?!” 

“Well, technically we didn’t get to play another game. So that means I won .” 

“Fuck you.”

“Is that a ‘to-do’ list?” 

Chuuya palms his face, dragging his hand across his cheeks. A miserably groan leaves his lips as Dazai cackles. “You’re a menace” he mumbles, resting his head on the counter. The brunette chuckles, tilting his head so that it touches Chuuya’s hair. “I know.” 

“GET A ROOM OR GET OUT!”

The two boys snap their heads to a yelling Higuchi who’s holding a broom in her hand. Both of them cringe like cats, quickly leaving cash on the counter and making a dash for the exit. 

***

“Literally what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to see if there are any taxis nearby.”

“By climbing on top of a stranger's car?” 

“Yup,” Dazai flops down on the hood of a mini truck, patting the space next to him. 

Chuuya eyes his surroundings before climbing on top and sitting next to Dazai. It’s around eight at night, the sun is setting. They’re in the parking lot of the arcade and diner. It’s actually pretty big, and there’s not many cars around. 

The two are sitting side by side, shoulders limp against each other. It’s been an exhausting day—a tiring one either have had in a while. “There’s no way we’ll be able to walk home.” Dazai sighs, glancing at Chuuya. The redhead nods, eyes shut and head tilted back. “Well, good. Because I don’t plan on carrying you back.” 

“Aw, but Chuuya will always carry me. He’s my dog.” Dazai laughs, throwing both arms around Chuuya and pulling him close. The redhead grabs Dazai’s arm but doesn’t push it off. He just scoffs. “Shut up…” 

Chuuya suddenly feels something pull at his earlobe. He eyes the brunette, who’s already looking up in curiosity. Dazai raises a brow, feeling Chuuya’s eyeblobe between his fingers. “Oh? Your ears are pierced?”

Chuuya muffles any sort of sound that threatens to spill from his mouth. The way Dazai is feeling his earlobe tickles. “I impulsively pierced one ear by myself. Like a few months ago…”

Dazai’s eyes light up. “Really? I’ve always wanted to get piercings.” 

Chuuya raises a brow. “Well then, you should get it done professionally.” He reaches out to tuck a piece of Dazai’s hair over his ear. “It’d look good on you.” 

“Noooo, I have a better idea!”

“...Huh?”

“Chuuya can pierce it for me!” 

“No fucking way.” Chuuya scoffs, turning around. Dazai tugs at his arm. “Why not? Didn’t you pierce your own ear?”

“Yeah, and I got an infection!” 

“Pffft, nevermind that. I trust you’re better at piercing now?”

Chuuya stares at Dazai with the most dead expression on his face. “Even if I was to do it—I don’t have anything to pierce it with. Or alcohol pads. Not a single thing to hold your earlobe against!” 

“I can fix that problem,” Dazai smiles, eyes widening. “There’s a 99 cents store right behind the arcade. I’m sure the stuff we need is there.”

The redhead looks at his friend, baffled. “You planned this didn’t you, you evil little bastard.” Dazai shoots him a cheeky smile, putting his hands up in defense. “Maybe, maybe not. But it’s fine—let's get the things!” 

Chuuya exhales with a groan but begins to get off the hood of the car. “For fucks sake…” 

***

“OW OW OW OW OW!”

“HOLD STILL—”

“BUT IT FUCKING HURTS!”

“WHY DID YOU WANNA DO THIS THEN?”

Dazai looks away, burying his eyes in his shirt sleeve as Chuuya holds his ear. His words come out muffled. “I wanted to look cool like you…”

Chuuya’s eyes widen for a second before his expression softens. “Jesus, you idiot. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” he softly pats Dazai’s hair, making the brunette look up. His brows are furrowed. “No, I want to do it.” 

Chuuya cocks his brow. “Hold still then. It’s not that bad, honestly.” 

“Fine, Fine. If Chuuya says so.” he pouts, sticking out his tongue. Dazai’s fingers loop through the spaces on Chuuya’s jeans. He tugs the redhead forward, making Chuuya’s eyes widen. The brunette tilts his head to the side, letting Chuuya have access to his ear.

“This will only take a moment…” Chuuya furrows his brows, concentrating on placing the needle in the right place. He’s wearing those blue doctor’s gloves that are too big for him, needle gun in hand. As soon as the needle pierces through Dazais eyelobe, he sharply inhales. His hands fully grip Chuuya’s hips. 

“OW OW OW—”

“It wasn’t even that bad!”

“SHUT UP, YOU SAID IT WOULDN’T HURT THAT MUCH!”

“I NEVER SAID IT’D BE PAINLESS??”

“It’s done. All pierced.” Chuuya exhales, moving a bit away from Dazai. He takes out his pocket mirror, handing it to the brunette. Dazai checks his ear in his reflection. It’s a bit red but other than that, it looks good. It’s a fake crystal but still pretty. “Damn,” the brunette smiles. “I look hot.” 

Chuuya chokes. “Hot? I think that’s pushing it.” 

“Pretty?”

“Ha!”

“Beautiful?”

“Shut up.”

“Sexy?” he wiggles his eyebrows. Chuuya smacks him on the arm. Dazai laughs, clutching his stomach. “Chuuya has such a hard time complimenting me…”

“You look good. Good.” the redhead mutters, rubbing his forehead. In all honesty, Dazai is the prettiest person Chuuya has ever seen in his life. That’s not even exaggerating it. His brown hair looks fluffy under the moonlight, the crystal on his ear glinting every once in a while. His bandages are a bit disheveled but he still makes it look good against his clothes. 

“I knew it!” Dazai smirks, ruffling Chuuya’s hair. The redhead doesn’t have time to say anything in retaliation because Dazau has already spoken up. “By the way…” the brunette mumbles, digging for something in his pocket. His eyes light up as he finally pulls it out. 

Chuuya raises his brows. 

It’s a hat. 

“I found this at the store and thought of you.” he softly says. “W-well, thought it would look good on you .” 

Chuuya is speechless. His mouth is moving but no words are coming out. The words caught in his throat, but really, he doesn’t know what to say. His face feels hot though. Seconds go by and he’s finally able to form the correct sentence.

“Hm? Shitty Dazai is thinking about me? This is amusing. I’m almost flattered.” he smirks, tilting Dazai’s chin up so that the moonlight hits his face. The brunette gulps, writhing out of Chuuya’s grasp on his chin. His face flushes red. “Fucking hell, Chuuya—you’re making it seem like I’m giving you chocolates for Valentine’s day. Just take it or leave it.” 

“I never said I wouldn’t take it!” Chuuya laughs. Dazai eyes the redhead for a moment before shoving the hat on his head. “Well, whatever. It looks good I guess…”

“ Only good?” Chuuya teases.

“You’re pushing it.”

“What about pretty?”

“Very funny, you ginger.” 

“Beautiful?”

“I’ll feed you to the dogs!” 

“Sexy?” Chuuya cackles out, clutching his stomach. Tears prick his eyes. Dazai tries holding in his laugh, but miserably fails when a chuckle leaves his lips. And within a second, they’re both laughing. Each other's giggles are contagiously making it worse. 

“Holy shit, I think I pissed my pants.” Dazai mutters out, both of them calming down and leaning on each other. 

“For real?”

“I honestly can’t tell anymore.” 

The redhead lets out a tired chuckle, eyes fluttering shut. They both quiet down as Chuuya leans his head against Dazai’s shoulder. The brunette does the same, resting his cheek on top of Chuuya’s head. They’re sitting in the back of the truck, the starry night sky open above them. The streets are kinda foggy, faint party music coming from the club across the street. 

Dazai looks down at Chuuya. Only God knows how badly he wants to hug the redhead right now. Perhaps even more than that. Definitely more than that. He softly sighs, repressing those feelings. Just for now. 

His next words come out as more of a hushed whisper, lips brushing against Chuuya’s forehead. 

“Happy fifteenth Birthday, Nakahara Chuuya.” 

“Thanks, mackerel.”

Chapter Text

Water.

The ocean.

Not enough air. 

Can’t…breathe…please…let me die. 

Jolting awake from a deep sleep, Dazai gasps in several breaths of air. His whole body is soaked in sweat, bangs plastered to his forehead. Eyes wide open and laying flat on his back, the brunette’s chest rises up and down. He stares at the ceiling, eyelids heavy with tiredness and limbs feeling like they’re not part of his body. 

He gulps. It was another nightmare. 

It’s so incredibly hot in his room. Not even the humid hot—it’s the type of hot that could melt someone. The type of hot that could cook an egg right on the ground.

Slipping off the sleeping mask from his forehead, he glances to the other side of the room. Why isn’t the air conditioning on? I could’ve sworn I turned it on right before going to sleep...

Sitting up in bed, he takes a moment to adapt to the sweltering heat. His mouth feels dry and stale, throat parched. He should probably start sleeping shirtless, and he would if he could stand to look at his scars. 

It’s the middle of fucking June—and Dazai hates it. He absolutely hates the hot weather. For multiple obvious reasons, of course.

It’s also June 17th, which means his birthday is in two days. He’s not excited. He’s not sad either. The brunette knows exactly what will happen on the uneventful day. His parents will buy him a few useless gifts like they do every year, he’ll get calls from random relatives he doesn’t care about, and he’ll simply go through the day as any other. 

Swinging both legs off the bed, Dazai cautiously listens out for any sign of his parents being home. To his disdain, a clatter of pots and pans can be heard from downstairs.

“Mom?” He hoarsely croaks out. The sound of pots and pans can still be heard, but his mother doesn’t answer back. Either she’s listening to podcasts with her headphones on, or she can’t hear him at all. 

Grabbing his phone from the side table, Dazai dials his mother’s number. A few moments go by before she picks up. “Oh, Osamu! You’re awake! Come down and eat breakfast before school, will you?”

“Why isn’t the air conditioning on?” 

Her voice seems to drop. “Oh…about that. We have to install new ones in a few days.” she sheepishly mumbles. 

Dazai hums before ending the call. His mom cooking isn’t something new, but it is rare. Once every few months she’ll decide to actually “be a mother” and cook or clean. She’ll ask Dazai twenty different questions in a day, all of which Dazai answers with the same two words: ‘I’m fine.’ 

It’s whatever. His mother will go back to her usual routine of business calls and meetings in a few days. 

Letting out a tired exhale, the brunette flops back on his bed. Things between Chuuya and him have been going...good. Ever since the redhead’s birthday, the both of them have been hanging out more regularly. Mostly at school, but sometimes by themselves in nearby places. It’s been over a month and he still isn’t completely sure if he has a...crush...on Chuuya. 

No, no, no! 

The thought makes him physically gag. Why would he ever like such a short temperamental blockhead like him? The thought is repulsive. Dazai having a crush?

Pfftt. How ridiculous.  

“Osamu, you’ll be late for school!” his mother’s voice calls out from the kitchen. 

The brunette throws an arm over his eyes, letting out a tiny groan. At least it’s Friday, which means no school till Monday. That is, until Monday arrives and the whole cycle of “just getting through the week” repeats once more.

Dazai is tired. He is so very tired. 

***

“So we only have a few more days until the project is due,”

“Yup.” 

“And so we’ll have to meet up this weekend to add the finishing touches.”

“Yup.” 

“And it can’t be late, so don’t forget . Are you even listening to me—”

“Mhm…”

“Dazai, did I mention some girl sucked me off last night behind the dumpsters?” 

“Wha—” Dazai snaps his face towards the redhead, jaw dropping. “What the fuck did you say?” 

Chuuya shakes his head, muttering curses under his breath. “Honestly, I can’t believe that’s what it took to get your attention.” the brunette’s eyes narrow, mind still processing what just happened. “Why was a girl sucking you off the first thing that came to your mind?” 

His partner groans, rubbing his forehead. “Well shithead . It got your attention, didn’t it?” 

Dazai rolls his eyes, pouting away. Truthfully, the idea of Chuuya doing anything with anyone else, makes his stomach feel sick with...something. It’s definitely not jealousy though.  

Pushing away his thoughts, the brunette turns his attention back to Chuuya. He shoots him a big smile before dropping it a second later. “What did you need?” 

Chuuya raises an eyebrow. “I was saying that the history project is due next Monday. So we have to meet up this weekend. And also prepare for our first swim meet.” 

...Swim meet? 

“Wait—what?” Dazai’s hand falls limp against his lap. He looks his partner in the eye, throat suddenly feeling dryer than the Sahara desert.

“Repeat that again.” 

Chuuya gives him a questioning look before clearing his throat. “Didn’t you hear? First years are able to try out for swimming this year. The course is only a few weeks though.” 

“Is it—“ Dazai gulps, eyes wandering around the room before settling back into Chuuya. “Is it mandatory?” 

The Chuuya scratches the back of his head. “Uh…yeah, it is. But…I’m guessing you won’t be able to swim with your bandages on, huh?” 

For a split second, Dazai has forgotten that he wears bandages. Bandages weren’t even the first thought in his mind. The second he heard swimming, his body froze up. His mind wandered back to that day. 

“Are you…okay?” 

Dazai looks up at the redhead, eyes wide. His brain comes back into focus. When he glances back down at his lap, his heart sinks. Knuckles red with tiny white scratches, his nails have abused his hands once again. 

Chuuya bites his lip. He’s not sure what to say…but from what he’s seeing, it’s pretty obvious Dazai has some sort of trauma revolving around water. 

“Dazai…you’re bleeding a bit.” Chuuya gently takes his partner’s hand in his. The brunette’s arms are slightly shivering, the quiver in his teeth barely noticeable. 

Dazai doesn’t make eye contact with the redhead. He looks everywhere but Chuuya’s face. Moments go by before a sudden force of contact makes him sharply inhale. 

It’s Chuuya. Pulling him into a hug. 

“W-what are you doing?” He shortly whispers, chin resting on Chuuya’s shoulder. The redhead's arms circle around Dazai’s waist, holding him in a tight embrace. Chuuya mumbles into his hair, “you’re shaking.” 

The brunette gulps. “I’m cold.”

“It’s the middle of summer, Dazai.” 

“Heh…” Dazai mutters out a small scoff, hands gripping the back of Chuuya’s shirt. His shoulders lose their tense and he eventually relaxes into Chuuya’s arms.

Why does he still do this? The accident happened almost a year ago. He should be over it. 

Dazai slowly pulls away to sit down. Chuuya looks at him—but it isn’t a look of caution or alarm. There’s no pity in his eyes or sadness. It’s just his normal everyday look. And for that, Dazai is glad. 

“You’re probably curious as to what just happened…” he starts off, glancing at Chuuya. The redhead raises his brows, nodding. “Well, yeah...a bit…we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Dazai shakes his head. Rubbing his eyes, he exhales. “No, it’s fine. It’s better if we get it over with.”

Chuuya nods, sitting next to his partner and leaning against the wall. It’s currently lunch time and they’re both sitting on the roof of the school building, just like they always do. No one will come up to invade their privacy. 

Dazai taps his finger against his thigh. “I had an accident last May. I got pretty badly injured.”

Chuuya’s brows furrow. “Injured…?...How badly?” 

A bitter chuckle leaves his lips. “Pretty badly.” he fiddles with his thumbs.

“My parents had to go across the world for an important business meeting. And, well they couldn’t leave me home alone for that long, so I went along with them.” he clears his throat.

“We used a boat, unlike normal fucking people who use the airlines. Halfway across, an unexpected storm hit us. And the boat almost tipped itself and everyone over.” 

Chuuya’s eyes slightly widen. “Everyone?”

“Nah, everyone was fine. Everyone but me.” 

“You mean to say…”

“I got tipped over and fell into the water.” Dazai laughs. He uses his hands to mimic something falling. “Plop. Just like that.” 

Chuuya gulps. “And what happened after that?” 

The brunette leans his head against the wall. “Well I can’t remember shit, but apparently my body hit some rocks and my jaw broke. They spent hours looking for me in the water but I ended up washing up to some nearby beach, unconscious.”

Dazai glances up at the blue-eyed boy after mumbling those last few words. The redhead’s face is in shock, eyes wide and lips parted. Dazai chuckles, elbowing him in the ribs. “You’ll start catching flies, Chuuya. And plus, it’s not a big deal.”

Chuuya regains his composure. “Not a big deal? I think it’s a pretty big deal.” 

“Don’t pity me,” Dazai looks away, fists clenched. This is why he didn’t want to tell the story. This is exactly why. He doesn’t want pity from anyone. Frankly, he’s tired of seeing that same expression on people when they find out what he’s been through. 

Chuuya sighs, licking his lips. He gently rests his hand on Dazai’s thigh, giving a little squeeze. “I’ve never once pitied you in my life.” 

The brunette sits still for a moment, letting the words sink in. He plays around with his fingers on his lap, not making eye contact with Chuuya. The redhead’s hand is still resting on Dazai’s thigh, unmoving. 

“The only thing I remember seeing…” he begins, taking a peek at Chuuya’s red hair. “…Are the hospital lights. I remember being set down on the bed. There was a blue blanket on top of me even though I couldn’t feel it. My body was numb. I remember wanting them to turn off the lights because they were too bright. But my mouth wouldn’t work. It just hurt a lot.”

Chuuya moves closer to Dazai, gently looping an arm through his. The brunette rests his head on Chuuya’s shoulder. “The chibi is getting soft after hearing my sob story huh…”

“Shut up,” his partner mutters. Chuuya processes the information for a moment. This only partly explains why his friend wears bandages, but he had no clue the brunette had gone through that. What he said isn’t a lie; he truly doesn’t pity Dazai. He thinks Dazai is strong. 

“Well uh…” Chuuya reaches into his bag to dig for something. He pulls out a flyer, handing it over to Dazai. “I was gonna give this to you but I guess you don’t want it anymore.” 

The brunette grabs the flyer, eyes scanning over the words. He flips it over. It’s a flyer advertising swimming classes. It doesn’t look so bad. But the thought of being in water again makes him feel sick to the bone. Plus, what would he even wear? It’s not like he can wear his bandages. Or even go shirtless.

Actually, he could wear one of those swimming shirts...but that’s not the point!

“Yeah, I won’t be needing this.” he mumbles, handing the flyer back to Chuuya. “I’ll tell the guidance counselor I can’t do it. I’m sure she’ll understand.” 

“Sure,” Chuuya puts the paper back into his bag. The brunette pokes his partner in the cheek. “But I’ll come by and watch you practice.”

Chuuya cocks an eyebrow. “You’re gonna come watch me swim?”

Dazai pokes the redhead’s cheek again. He wiggles his brow. “I’d never pass up the chance to see the chibi shirtless. Or better yet, drown.” 

Chuuya narrows his brows, unable to stop the smile from spreading on his face. “Gross, you pervert. And for your information, I’m a great swimmer.” 

Dazai laughs, crossing his arms over his chest. The pit in his stomach doesn’t go away, and he’s still slightly shivering. But regardless he smiles. “Heh. We’ll see.” 

***

“This was a horrible idea.” 

The brunette is currently standing in front of the sink at the public swimming pool, clenching and unclenching his fists. The mirror is a bit foggy so he wipes it with the back of his hand. It’s Sunday, his birthday. 

It’s also the day he said he would go watch Chuuya practice swimming. 

“Hey, shitty Dazai—you’re coming, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. I’ll come.”

“You really don’t have to if you don’t want to—”

“I said I’ll come. Now stop worrying and shoo~”

That was their last conversation on the phone. Chuuya had thought Dazai was still at home, but truly, he was in the bathroom stall trying not to piss his pants. Honestly, he isn't sure why this was making him so nervous. I mean, it’s just a pool. He doesn’t have to get close to the water nor get in it. He can watch Chuuya from the chairs. 

He can already smell the chlorine filled pool from here. It luckily doesn’t smell like the boat from last time or any beach. So he’s fine. He’s perfectly fine. 

The brunette looks down at his outfit. He’s wearing a short sleeve swimming shirt that sticks tight to his body (the kind that surfers wear) and swimming trunks. It’s not revealing enough to show off all his scars, only a few light ones are visible. Running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath in, he walks out of the bathroom. 

Immediately met with sunlight, he slips on his sunglasses. In the distance, he can see Chuuya already chilling in the water. When Dazai gets closer, Chuuya looks up. His eyes widen, a small smile appearing on his face. He can’t help but stare at how good his partner looks. 

“Like what you see?” Dazai smirks, standing a few feet away from the pool. Chuuya raises a brow, not answering the question. “You made it.” the brunette scoffs in response. “I said I would.” 

Hands loosely set on his hips, he stares at the pool water. It’s bright out; sunny and hot. The pool looks cold—something he could use right now. Surprisingly enough, there aren’t many people here. Only the two of them and another small family. 

Chuuya notices him staring. He raises a brow. “You know…you could maybe dip your toes or something?” 

The suggestion makes Dazai look up in sight awe. He bites his lips. “Um…sure.” 

Chuuya looks equally as surprised, but nods with a smile. He offers an arm for Dazai to hold but the brunette brushes it off. “Pfft. I'm not a kid.” 

Gulping, he slowly holds the railing and sits by the edge. The cold water makes him jolt a bit before he relaxes. He only dips it up to his knees. It tickles. 

Chuuya cracks a smile, clapping a bit. “I knew you could do it.” 

“I didn’t think I’d be able to…” Dazai mumbles under his breath, loud enough for only the redhead to hear. Chuuya swims closer to pat his thigh. “Watch me swim a few laps.” He nods to the object beside them. “Use the timer to time me.” 

Once Dazai nods, Chuuya swims away to the starting line. The moment Dazai shouts “GO!” Chuuya is off. The brunette’s eyes widen when he sees his partner practically fly through the water. He definitely didn’t expect Chuyya to be a good swimmer, much less go that fast. 

“What was my time?” The redhead asks. Pushing a few strands of hair away from his forehead, he rests his arms by the edge of the pool. Dazai makes a face. “Damn…1:05. Didn’t think the chibi had it in him.” 

Chuuya smugly chuckles. He lifts himself up (with surprisingly strong arms) and sits next to Dazai. He slings an arm around his shoulders, making the brunette cringe away. “Hey! You’re getting me wet!”

“You’re supposed to get wet. It’s a pool.” 

“You’re right,” Dazai sighs, splashing a bit of water with his hand. They came to the pool late on purpose, seeing as though it wouldn’t be crowded. And they were right. The evening air is already making it a bit chilly. 

“I’m gonna swim a bit more,” Chuyya smiles, putting his goggles back on. He swims away from Dazai, making the brunette wave him goodbye. He looks back down at the water. His legs are dipped in the 5ft pool—and he certainly doesn’t want to fall in there. 

But there’s also a two foot side…a three foot…and a four foot one… 

Maybe he can dip his whole body? But only up to his waist though! 

Just maybe…

***

“Hey, when are you supposed to be home again?” Chuuya asks, grabbing another piece of gum from his duffel bag. Dazai shrugs. “Around nine, I think.” 

Chuuya nods, splashing a bit in the water. “Cool. That’s when I’ll head back too.” 

The sun is close to setting, and they’re the only two left in the pool. The lifeguard blows his whistle from the corner, making the both of them turn their heads. He waves his hand around. “The pool is closing in twenty minutes.” 

Chuuya shoots him a thumbs up before going back in the pool. Dazai is pretty memorized by the way Chuuya can easily glide through the water, effortlessly swooping through with his limbs. He’s like a little dancer, except not on land. 

The brunette is so caught in the trance that he slips down into the three foot level of water.

Panic rushing through his arms, he jolts ahead to grab the railing. Chuuya turns his head at the sudden sound, face morphing into pure shock.

As if on reflex, he quickly swims to grab both of Dazai’s arms and hold him for balance. The brunette keeps his head down, eyes completely frozen on his feet beneath the water. 

“Dazai…! You’re—“ 

“—yeah...Holy shit, y-yeah.” Dazai gasps out, gripping his partner's arms. He chokes out a few more words. “I want to…I want to go further. Up to my rib cage.” 

Chuuya’s eyes widen, a small smile cracks on his face. “Really? Are you sure?” 

“I’m very sure.” he’s definitely not sure at all. But for some reason, he trusts Chuuya. 

With one hand on Dazai’s waist and the other supporting his arm, the redhead guides the both of them to the deeper end of the pool. Only deep enough for their rib cages to be under water.

“D-Don’t let me go, please.” Dazai sputters out as soon as he feels his feet start to float. God, he absolutely hates how weak he sounds right now. But Chuuya only shakes his head. He holds Dazai even tighter. “I promise I won’t. I swear.” 

Dazai wearily nods, tugging Chuuya to go deeper into the pool. The redhead gulps, helping the both of them move over. 

And all of a sudden, they’re at the five foot level and the water is up to Dazai’s neck. 

“Shit! I’m done. I’m done now—“ The brunette panics, hands gripping Chuuya’s shoulders. Chuuya’s eyes fly open. The pressure of Dazai’s hands on his shoulders is pushing him under water. He can’t let that happen. 

“Dazai.” He says. “Dazai, look at me.” He speaks clearer this time. Raising a hand to his partner's face, he pushes a few strands of hair away from his cheek. Dazai looks up with red, chlorine filled eyes. His bottom lip trembles. 

The sun is almost fully set, and the pool is getting darker. Even though he feels like he’s literally drowning, the moment can be described as nothing but perfect. 

Chuuya’s arms are circled around his waist while his own arms are on the redhead’s shoulders. Their faces are inches apart. Dazai notices that Chuuya’s eyes are a blurry blue. Red bangs curled by his face, he looks perfect with water droplets dripping down his temple. 

Chuuya’s eyes glance down at Dazai’s lips. They’re pink. They look so soft. The redhead moves closer, making his partner look up. Dazai’s next words come out as a soft mumble.

“I’m…okay? Right?” 

The redhead glances up at the brown pair of eyes before dropping them back to his lips. “Yeah. You’re okay Dazai…” 

Even with their bodies almost fully submerged, it feels like Dazai can hear both their heartbeats hammering out loud. There’s definitely water in his ears. His eyes trail the bridge of his partner’s nose. As if silently reading each other’s thoughts, Dazai does a tiny nod. 

And suddenly Chuuya’s lips are on his. 

And oh my god it feels so fucking good. Not even the actual feeling—but the fact that it’s Chuuya he’s kissing. A sudden flutter shoots through Dazai’s stomach when the redhead’s arm loops around his waist. 

At first the brunette is frozen. The only thing he can feel is a soft smush on his face. He closes his eyes, hand gently sliding up Chuuya’s back. 

Chuuya pushes deeper into the kiss, hands pulling the brunette closer against his body. It’s not until Dazai whimpers in dire need of air, that makes Chuuya pull back. 

The redhead looks up in horrific shock. He smacks a hand to his mouth. “Jesus, fuck—I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry, god I’m so incredibly sorr—“

“…You really regret it that much, huh?” 

Chuuya’s eyes trail up Dazai’s face. “What…?” 

Dazai suddenly perks up, realizing what just happened. His face immediately reddens. “I s-said, do you really regret it…?” 

Chuuya stares in confusion, eyes narrowing. “HUH?!” 

The brunette clicks his teeth. He struggles to get his words out. “What?! Why are you so confused? You’re the one who kissed me! Did you not mean to do it? Was it all a trick? Was this your plan all—“ 

“No, shut up!” Chuuya puts a hand over Dazai’s mouth. The brunette blinks with wide eyes before licking the palm of Chuuya’s hand, making him yelp away. “EW, GROSS!” 

Dazai looks back in astonishment. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘GROSS’? YOU WERE LITERALLY ALL UP IN MY MOUTH A FEW MINUTES AGO?!” 

“SO? DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN LICK MY HAND!” 

“YOU’RE SO WEIRD—“ the bandaged boy groans into his hand, dragging it down his face. Chuuya pinches the space between his brows. He sighs. “Okay—what just happened? Let’s retrace our steps.” 

Dazai nods, getting his balance by the railing. “You were helping me swim. And then I almost drowned.”

“You didn’t drown .” 

“I was about to. But you were holding me, so I didn’t. And you looked really pretty.” 

Chuuya ignores the compliment, turning his face away. “And then what happened?” 

“Then you kissed me.” 

“And you kissed me back.” 

Chuuya suddenly buries his face in his hands. “Oh my god.” He looks back at Dazai, grabbing his arms. “I just kissed you.” Dazai nods. The redhead looks wider with alarm. “And you kissed me back.” Dazai nods once again. 

Chuuya stares directly at Dazai’s face. It’s a mixture of pain, confusion, frustration, and a need for something. With one hand holding Dazai’s fingers, the redhead finally speaks out.  

“Can I kiss you again?” Chuuya whispers , voice quiet with desperation. Dazai gulps, blinking a bit. He slowly nods, gripping back his partner’s hand. 

And then Chuuya pulls him in. But this time, he’s ready. 

Both their lips meeting, the brunette sharply inhales Chuuya’s scent. The redhead’s hand gently grabs the back of Dazai’s neck, keeping him close. Just when Dazai is about to place a hand on Chuuya’s cheek, a loud siren makes them both jolt apart. 

It’s the pool siren. The sound goes off three times, signaling any last visitors to get out. The lifeguard is nowhere in sight though. The two blink back at each other, faces red and a bit out of breath. 

A man’s voice suddenly calls out from a speaker, loud and clear. It’s the lifeguard from before. “Is anyone there? I’m about to close the pool gates.” 

“Shit—” Chuuya’s eyes widen as he grits his teeth. He looks back at the brunette. “Do you trust me?” 

Dazai shakes his head. “Not really—” 

His partner scoffs. “Well too bad.” he grabs the brunette’s arms and swifty pulls the both of them underwater. Dazai lets out a muffled yelp before quickly taking a breath of air. The lights in the pool aren’t on yet, so it’s dark enough for them not to be seen. 

Under the water, Dazai twists and turns his head to look out for anything around him. His senses go bleak until Chuuya’s hands grab both sides of his face, making the brunette face his partner. Chuuya glances at Dazai before moving in. And for the third time this night, they’re kissing again. 

Holy shit, Dazai might actually die by the amount of times he’s being kissed by Chuuya. Everytime he feels the redhead’s lips on his, he wants more. He wants to keep kissing Chuuya until he has no more oxygen left. He wants to drown. But that’s definitely not what his partner has in mind. 

Chuuya parts his lips to give him air, making Dazai’s chest automatically feel lighter. And it’s suddenly like they’re floating—well, kissing too—but floating and kissing all at once while Chuuya holds onto his body. 

The redhead breaks the kiss, leading the both of them above the water.

Once they’re above, Dazai spurts out a bunch of chlorine tasting liquid. He glares at Chuuya, face flushed. “What was that for?! And why do you keep kissing me?!” 

Chuuya lightly smacks his arm. “So you wouldn’t drown , dipshit.” 

“Hah, and that extra underwater kiss? Where’d you learn those theatrics?” Dazai scoffs, rolling his eyes. The redhead shrugs. “Felt like doing it at the moment.” 

“I can’t believe you. Who knew Chuuya was this possessive? Do I look like an animal?”

“Excuse me? You’re calling me possessive? Have you looked in the mirror recently?” 

“I’m sure I’d magically see your reflection, chibi.” 

Chuuya opens his mouth once before clamping it shut again. He covers his mouth, turning away. Dazai looks at him in confusion, cocking an eyebrow. “Eh? What’s wrong with Chuuya? Cat got his tongue?” 

“No—no, it’s not that.” He meekly replies, rubbing a hand through his hair. He’s still turned away from Dazai, but steals a few glances at the brunette. “I thought kissing you would make things awkward. But it seems we’re still the same as before.” 

Dazai ponders about it for a second. He nods. “And are you happy about that?” 

“…yeah. I suppose I’m relieved too.” 

“Good. Me as well.” 

“Good…” Chuuya awkwardly nods, scratching the back of his neck. Dazai scoffs. “Well now you’re the one making it awkward!” 

“I am not!” 

“Yes, you are! You’re blushing! Ew ew! The chibi is blushing—make it stop! Make it stop~” 

“SHUT UP HOLY SHIT—“ 

Dazai laughs out, clutching his stomach. Chuuya covers his mouth yet again, in an attempt to mask his cackles. The two lean on each other, still catching their breaths. Dazai nudges Chuuya with his elbow. 

“Bye the way, Chuuya. You kissed me in a non-platonic way, right?” 

“WHAT THE—WHY WOULD I KISS YOU PLATONICALLY?” 

“Hm, one can never be too sure. I mean, you’re right—that was way too much tongue for it to be platonic but—“ 

“—SHUT UP!”

Chapter Text

“Heyy Odasaku,” 

“Hm?”

Dazai lifts himself off the small wooden table, feet gently landing on the floor. He makes his way to the chair. “Ever been to a high school party?” 

Oda halts at what he’s doing and glances at the brunette. He blinks a few times before slowly nodding his head. “A few. But they’re not really my type of setting.” 

Dazai bounces his knee in curiosity. “What’re they like?” 

“Parties? Depends on what type of people there are, honestly.” Oda taps his finger on the table. “It’s a classic scene. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.” 

The brunette hums in response. His friend quirks an eyebrow. “You’re not thinking of going to one, are you?” 

Dazai shrugs his shoulders, seemingly quiet. “Well I am fifteen now. Isn’t that normal?” 

Oda licks the pad of his finger and turns a paper thin page of his book, glancing at the young boy. “Sure…but I don’t want you to get in trouble. Or in danger.” 

From the corner of the room, surrounded by a few piles of books, Ango coughs out a humorous scoff. His voice comes out muffled. “ Dazai? Stay out of trouble? Ha!”

The three of them are in a library, one that is significantly empty due to the fact that no teenager would hang around here during summer break. The brunette shakes his head. “I know how to stay out of trouble.” 

Oda nods. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips when he glances at Ango. “You won’t believe what Ango did at his first party though —”

“Hey! Don’t tell him that!” Ango shrieks out, trying to poke his head over the stacks of books. Dazai quirks a glance at Oda, prodding him to go on. 

“Well,” the dark red haired man begins, squinting his eyes. “Ango got shitface drunk within a couple hours and—“

“—c’mon, Oda! Don’t betray me like this!—“

“— and started stripping on top of the snacks table. Until I dragged him out of there, of course.” 

Ango let’s out a huge defeated groan, muttering profanities under his breath. Dazai bursts out laughing, voice cracking in the act. “Did anyone record it? I’d pay to see that shit!” 

Oda stifles a chuckle, exhaling sharply. “Yeah, definitely. It’s probably all over the school’s drama page.”

“He does not need to know about that.” Ango growls from behind the books, smoke practically fuming from his ears. Oda shoots him an apologetic look, turning back to the brunette.

“If you do end up going to a party,” He sighs, turning another page of his book without making eye contact with the fifteen year old. “Don’t drink any drinks from the punch bowl or without a lid. Try to stay sober and don’t go into any bathrooms or rooms by yourself. And also, don’t follow any older girls or guys if they ask you to go with them.” 

After he finishes, there’s silence. While he goes back to reading his book, the brunette blinks in slight awe. Oda glances back in confusion. 

Dazai opens his mouth, then quickly shuts it before opening again. “I just,” he raises his brows. “I just didn’t expect you to give me all that advice…Thank you, Odasaku…”

“Of course.” Oda shrugs it off as if it’s obvious; like no big deal. “What are friends for?” 

Dazai smiles. Friends . 

*** 

“Chuuya. Chuuya, Chuuya, Chuuuyyaa—“ 

“I’m right here, dipshit. What do you need?” 

The redhead curls his lip in disgust when Dazai wraps both arms around his neck from behind, heaving his thin figure over his short one. The brunette’s lips ghost over Chuuya’s neck. He smirks, eyes cracking open. “Wanna go to a party this summer?” 

Chuuya raises a brow, licking his lips. His eyes don’t lift up from the papers in his hand. He shrugs. “A party? Sure…I guess…” 

Dazai frowns, pouting a bit as he lets go of the redhead and makes his way to sit next to him instead. “Chuuya doesn’t seem to be interested. Why’s that?” 

The redhead shoots him a side eye’d glance, turning back to his papers. “You don’t seem like the type to go to parties, that’s all.” 

Dazai rests his hands on his hips, processing the words. “Well there’s a lot Chuuya doesn’t know about me.” The brunette puffs out, leaning back to rest his head on his partner’s lap. Chuuya immediately raises his arms, mouth stifling a yelp. “What are you doing?”

“I’m tired.” Dazai simply mumbles, closing his eyes to shuffle his head comfier onto Chuuya’s lap. The redhead exhales, muttering a few words under his breath. He doesn’t push Dazai off though—instead, he just carefully lays his arms over Dazai’s figure, going back to reading the papers.

Chuuya is trying his absolute hardest not to stare at the brunette on his lap. Dazai’s face looks perfectly still. His dark brown hair is sprawled out on the redhead's thigh, a few pieces framing his face. Chuuya’s eyes trail his nose bridge then back to his lips. 

Cautiously raising his thumb to Dazai’s face, the redhead brushes his finger over his bottom lip. So soft. 

Dazai cracks his eye open a bit before shutting it back close. His chin ever so slightly tilts up, as if wanting Chuuya to do what they’re definitely both thinking of. 

The redhead’s breath hitches in his throat before he leans down to press a kiss on Dazai’s mouth. The brunette smiles a bit into the kiss before placing a hand on the side of Chuuya’s face to tug him closer. His partner slowly pulls back a few moments later, eyes lingering on the brunette’s lips. Dazai smirks, head feeling dizzy. “That was pretty gay, Chuuya. What are you? Gay?”

“Fuck off,” Chuuya scoffs, lightly smacking Dazai on the back. The brunette only giggles, wrapping his arms tighter around the redhead's waist, burying his face in his stomach. Chuuya groans in disgust, muttering out petty insults while trying to get the lanky figure off of him. He secretly very much enjoys it though. 

“We can go to a party together, if you want.” Chuuya mumbles a few moments later. His finger traces Dazai’s brow bone, softly gliding to the bridge of his nose. 

Dazai hums in satisfaction, eyes fluttering shut. He has decided that Chuuya’s hands—Chuuya’s anything , really—feels better than heaven. 

The both of them are currently in Dazai’s bedroom, hanging out. The brunette’s parents are yet again out on another business meeting so the house is empty for a while. It’s July now, nearly a month after Dazai’s birthday. Almost a month since they kissed. 

Oho, kissing . 

Dazai has never been very fond of kissing before he did it with Chuuya. He’d always seen it on television shows, in public, and sometimes even his parents. He never had the urge to do it. But for some strange reason, whenever he’s with Chuuya—he just can’t help himself. He has the bone crushing urge to just grab Chuuya's face, pinch his cheeks, and keep kissing and kissing until they both suffocate from lack of air! He swears it’s madness! 

Clearing his throat, Dazai rolls off Chuuya’s lap, settling back on his stomach. Propping his face up with his arms, he intently stares at the redhead before dramatically sighing. “What are those papers for?”

Chuuya glances once before rubbing his forehead, letting out a big exhale. “They’re papers for late rent pay.” 

“You didn’t pay your rent this month?” Dazai tilts his face in curiosity. Chuuya shakes his head. “Well, yes. Actually—no. Wait— I did. I already gave in the money for my share of the rent. But Shirase is two weeks late. And if one of us is late, that means all of us are considered late.”

The brunette’s face stays still, eyes blinking back at Chuuya’s blue ones. Chuuya scratches his head and makes a face at Dazai’s staring before realization hits. “No way. No way are you giving me money to pay rent. I’m not taking your money. I don’t want it.” 

He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Giving Dazai a look of defense, he dares the brunette to even speak the words. Dazai cracks a smile. “I didn’t even say anything yet—“

“—but I know you were gonna say that, weren't you?” 

The brunette pats his partner’s thigh. “I knew you’d react this way, so no, I wasn’t. The thought was on my mind though. But I know you’d never accept it.” 

Chuuya ponders on what to say before settling on just a nod. “Good. Because I don’t accept charity.” his partner continues chewing the mint gum in his mouth before spitting it out in the trashcan by his bedside. He grabs the papers in Chuuya’s hand and throws them aside, making the redhead snap his head in shock. “Hey! The hell was that—” 

Dazai interrupts his partner’s words by clamping his mouth shut. “Ad-da-da-da-da. Shh. You’re thinking way too much. You need to relax. Have some fun.” 

Chuuya’s expression looks deadpanned under Dazai’s hand. His brows narrow when he sees Dazai wriggling himself between the redhead’s thighs. When he feels Dazai getting closer, he licks the brunette’s hand, making him topple over. “Oi! Why’d you lick my hand?!” 

Chuuya raises a brow before turning over to lay on his side, propping his face up with one arm. Dazai plops down right next to him on his back, shooting the redhead offended glares. 

“You seem… eager .” Chuuya mutters, raising a skeptical brow at the brunette. Dazai frowns, holding his head up high. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Why do you have that look on your face?!” 

“What look?” 

“There! That look!” 

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about—“ 

The brunette exasperatedly shakes his arms over his head, throwing a pillow at Chuuya. Chuuya catches the pillow, making a face. “Eh? What’s the matter with you?” 

Dazai holds the pillow close to his chest, hiding half his face behind it so that only his beady eyes peek out. “You’re a virgin, right?” 

He states the question so matter-of-factly, that Chuuya has to take a moment to process it. His face heats up. “I’m fifteen. Of course I am. Wait, where is this even coming from—“

“What about kissing?” Dazai interrupts the redhead, hopping on his knees. His eyes sparkle with curiosity. His partner makes a face. “What about kissing?” 

The brunette sighs, as if the question is obvious. “Who was your first kiss?” He asks expectantly. Chuuya stares blankly before raising a hand to his chin. He thinks about it for a second. Dazai’s eyes go wide, shock registering in his head. 

“I’m not your first kiss?!” 

“…no?”

“Oh my fucking God.” The brunette covers his eyes with both hands, slumping down against the headboard. Chuuya’s face morphs into a surprised expression when Dazai buries his face deeper into the pillow. 

Chuuya raises a brow. “Wait,” he stifles a laugh. “Are you saying that I was your first kiss?” 

“No.” The brunette’s words come out muffled. He doesn’t look up, which makes it obvious he’s lying. Chuuya has to cover his mouth to prevent the huge laugh from leaving his lips. Dazai heaves out a groan that is drowned out by the pillow he’s currently dwelling under. 

“Stop laughing! I can fucking hear you, you know!”

“I’m not—I’m not laughing—“ Chuuya wipes off a stray tear that slips off his cheek, masking more of his giggles. This is priceless. 

“Hey,” the redhead quiets down, turning his attention back to Dazai. His partner is still hidden under the pillow, refusing to look up. “It’s fine. Who cares about kissing anyway?” 

“I care.” The brunette grumbles, voice low and attempting to be threatening. Chuuya raises a brow, clicking his tongue. “Ah, I get it now. So you’re jealous?” 

“HUH?!” Dazai snaps his head up, facing the redhead. “ Jealous? That’s not a funny joke, slug.” 

Before Chuuya can call him out on his bullshit, the brunette’s eyes glance to the shorter boy next to him. “But just out of curiosity…how many people have you kissed before me?” 

“Like, two, I think.” 

“You think?? ” 

“It was never more than once! And they weren’t with people I really liked, to be honest.” 

Dazai stays quiet, peeking his eyes out from the pillow. “So you only kiss people you like more than once?” 

Chuuya rolls his eyes. “Well I’m here with you, aren't I?” 

The brunette raises his brows before going silent. “That’s pretty gross. Didn't know you were so sentimental, chibi.” 

Chuuya makes a face of disgust before throwing a pillow at Dazai. “I’ve probably kissed you more than I have with anyone in my life. I’m sure to get a disease soon.” 

“Oh yeah?” The brunette smiles, a look of mischief in his eyes. He shoves the pillows away, moving closer to his partner. Chuuya nods, hands loosely gripping Dazai’s waist when he hovers on top of the redhead’s lap. “Yeah, it’s disgusting.” 

“Kissing you is disgusting.” The redhead mumbles, pressing his lips against Dazai’s. He pulls back to see chocolate brown eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Oh yeah,” Dazai whispers. “Kissing you is terrible. I’m only doing it because I give out charity.” He dives down to catch Chuuya’s lips with his own, softly pressing against the redhead. 

***

“I’m so bored.” Dazai’s groggy voice mumbles into Chuuya’s chest. The redhead doesn’t look up from his phone. Instead, he simply pats the brunette’s hair. 

Dazai’s sluggish figure is on top of Chuuya’s, his bandaged arms wrapped around the redhead's waist while his head rests on his chest. Chuuya is so incredibly comfortable to lay on top of, it should be illegal. The redhead places a hand on Dazai’s cheek, thumb brushing over his pale skin. 

Dazai’s eyes are shut, lips pulled into a gentle pout as his brows hold no tension between them. He looks so peaceful, he could be mistaken for being asleep. Chuuya raises a brow. He pokes Dazai’s cheek. “Are you asleep?”

It takes a few more pokes until the brunette lets out a tiny whine. “Yes, yes. I’m awake.” 

Chuuya frowns when he sees chocolate eyes crack open before dozing off again. The bags under Dazai’s eyes are evident. “You have a terrible sleep schedule, mackerel.” 

“I don’t even have a sleep schedule.” Dazai murmurs, stuffing his face back into Chuuya’s chest. The redhead scoffs, but nonetheless starts to slowly run his fingers through Dazai’s soft locks. “Get some sleep then.” 

“You sure?” The brunette exhales, leaning into his touch. “Cuz, you know, this isn’t very sexy. I can be sexy for you, if you want.” He jokes. 

Chuuya breathes out a laugh, biting his lip. “I don’t need you to be sexy right now. This is enough.” He softly mutters. “And plus, you’re never sexy?” 

“Rude.” Dazai scoffs, furrowing his eyebrows. He throws a leg over Chuuya, trapping the redhead underneath his body. His partner looks up in disbelief. “Hey, what are you—“

“Chuuya is a body pillow.” Dazai ignores all of the redhead’s complaints. He continues snoozing on his partner's chest, seeming unaware of his surroundings. The redhead looks at the ceiling, letting out an exhale. “You’re like a fucking cat.” 

“Meow.”

“Don’t ‘meow’! That’s weird!” 

“What else do cats do? They lick things—“ 

“Don’t fucking lick me—“

Dazai blows a raspberry with his tongue, teasing the redhead. Before Chuuya can retaliate, his phone’s ringer goes off. This catches the brunette’s attention, making him quirk an eyebrow. They both look at each other before Chuuya grabs his phone and picks up the call. 

The brunette patiently watches his partner listen to the other end of the phone. He tilts his head in curiosity when Chuuya’s face begins morphing into one of shock and…

Fear. 

“What’s wrong?” Dazai whisperers, eyeing his partner's gaping mouth. The redhead glances at him but doesn’t say anything. He just gulps, nodding. “Yeah, I understand. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

As soon as the call ends, Chuuya buries his face in his arms. He tugs at pieces of his hair in frustration. Dazai sits up, a bit alarmed at the redheads state. “Will you tell me what the hell just happened?” 

Chuuya stays absolutely still for a few moments before looking up, a deadbeat expression taken over his face. “Someone called CPS on Shirase and the others. I have to go. Now.” 

Dazai’s mouth opens to say something, but he ends up giving a simple tight nod instead. “You can’t go, Chuuya. They’ll catch you too.” 

“I have to, Dazai. They’re my friends.” Chuuya scoffs, getting up from the bed to grab his belongings. The brunette quickly grabs Chuuya’s arms, making the redhead look up in annoyance. “Let go of me.” He spits out. 

Dazai places both hands on Chuuya’s cheeks, brushing away a few strays of red hair. Blue eyes glare back at him. The brunette sharply exhales. “If you go, you’ll get taken away too. Do you want that?” 

“This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, Dazai.” Chuuya mutters, already wriggling out of the brunette’s grasp. His partner frowns. Chuuya is so stubborn. So loyal…it’s sure to be his downfall one day…

Letting out a sigh, the brunette rests his hands on his hips. He shakes his head. “Then at least let me come with you.” 

Chuuya ponders at the suggestion, staring at Dazai from across the room. He finally shrugs. “Alright then, we’ll take my bike.” 

*** 

“YOU ARE— TERRIBLE AT RIDING A BIKE!” 

“Well it’s kind of hard when you have someone hanging off your fucking back!” 

Chuuya swerves the handlebars to the right as a child barely makes it out of his way. A bitter string of curses leave his mouth when his eyes fixate on the crowd of people twenty feet ahead of them. 

Meanwhile, Dazai is having the time of his life, holding tightly onto Chuuya’s waist from his seat behind the redhead. Obviously, the bike seat isn’t big enough for the two of them—but when has that ever stopped the duo? 

“Careful, dumbass! Don’t fall!” Chuuya almost shrieks when he turns the bike and Dazai’s arms nearly slip off his waist. The brunette lets out a shaky breath, burying half his face into Chuuya’s back. The redhead grumbles. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had brought your bike too.” 

“I don’t even have a bike, chibi.” 

“…What?” Chuuya glances back for a second, processing his partner's words. “A rich kid like you from the city doesn’t own a bike? Huh …” 

Dazai hides his face in the hood of Chuuya’s sweater, avoiding confrontation. He mumbles out a few words but Chuuya can’t hear them due to the way he’s furiously peddling his bike. The brunette sighs. “I have a bike. Well, it’s stuffed somewhere in the back of a garage. I just never learned.” 

Chuuya raises a brow. “Don’t…father’s usually teach their kids how to ride a bike…?”

The brunette lets out a dry laugh. “That’s funny. Please, humor me more. But no, mine didn’t have the time I suppose.” Chuuya only nods, keeping quiet. He’s decided that he wants to one day be the one to teach Dazai how to ride a bike. 

*** 

Doors swinging open, Chuuya saunters into the apartment building with Dazai trailing not too far behind. The brunette quickly catches his arm, making the redhead halt in his steps. “Wait—don’t you think we need a plan?” He whispers.

Chuuya raises a brow, shaking his head. “What plan? Didn’t I tell you I’ve done this probably fifty other times? I’ve got it handled.” He suddenly snaps, taking his arm back. The redhead freezes, expression weakening when he realizes the evident flinch in Dazai’s body. Regret takes over his mind. “Shit, look I—“

“No, it’s fine. Whatever. It’s none of my business anyway.” Dazai fixes his composure, saying the words in a perfect monotone voice. As if they’re rehearsed. He begins to walk away before Chuuya sighs, grabbing his arm to pull him back. 

“Hey,” Chuuya murmurs, grabbing both sides of Dazai’s face to make the brunette look into his eyes. He moves in closer, making Dazai glance somewhere else. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—to snap at you.” 

“No, you’re right. It’s fine.” The brunette mumbles, face still between Chuuya’s hands. His partner shakes his head, biting his lip. “No, you’re just trying to help. I can see that…thank you.” He whispers. Dazai looks up with a slight awe in his expression. 

Before things get any awkward or anyone walks in on Chuuya holding Dazai’s face in the middle of a lobby, the redhead tugs Dazai’s face lower and swoops down to press a kiss on his lips. The brunette gasps at first, definitely not expecting the sudden contact. He smiles into Chuuya’s mouth, wrapping his arm around his neck. 

“We should, um,” Chuuya clears his throat, pulling back. He pats Dazai’s chest twice before looking away, face red. “We should go now.” 

Dazai bites back a smirk. He awkwardly clears his throat as well, patting down his hair. The two walk into the elevator and press the button for the seventh floor. 

The seventh floor. 

It’s a complete and utter mess. 

In the distance, the two can see a line of five young teens sitting in a row on the apartment couch. All lined up side by side; some looking down in despair and others keeping their head high in resistance. 

Chuuya grits his teeth, fists clenching by his side. He’s had to watch this scene unfold right in front of his eyes countless times before. But it never stops tiring him out. The stress. The panic. The fear. It never goes away. 

Dazai and Chuuya both nod at each other before the redhead walks up to the couch. He immediately spots Shirase, who has a blank look on his face. 

“Hey man, what the fuck did you do?” Chuuya tries keeping his voice low, so that any adults around them can’t hear. Shirase frowns, snapping his head up. “I…” 

“He got caught with booze.” Yuan scoffs from beside them, crossing her arms over her chest. Dazai looks over at Chuuya’s face. It’s one that holds great shock, disbelief, and disappointment. 

Chuuya’s fists slightly shake by his sides. Suddenly grabbing Shirase’s collar, he yanks him closer. He looks right in his eyes, making the light haired boy cower in resistance. They both look at each other like wild dogs, ready to throw punches at any moment. 

“ You ,” Chuuya spits out. “I told you this would happen. But you did it anyway, right? You didn’t give a fuck and now our friends will be taken away. They’ll be placed into foster homes, and who knows where?” 

The redhead is seething with contained rage, eyes burning with hatred. Shirase doesn’t dare to say anything. He knows Chuuya is right. “Our friends are going to suffer.” He murmurs in a low voice, hand still gripping Shirase’s collar. He finally lets go. 

“And that’s on you .” Shoving Shirase down with a harsh finger on his chest, Chuuya turns away. He’s met face to face with a woman much taller than him. He scowls when he realizes she’s wearing an office ready outfit. The type he’s seen since he was a kid. 

“Hello, you must be Nakahara Chuuya? I’m the social worker that was called here.” She smiles, holding out a hand for Chuuya to shake. Chuuya just shakes his head. “Just tell me where my friends will be placed. That’s all I need.”

The woman tilts her head in confusion. “Oh, but Nakahara-san. We have a lot more to discuss than just being placed in homes. We’ve been alerted that young minors are living alone in a room on the seventh floor. Unfortunately, that’s not allowed.” 

Chuuya’s mouth opens to say something, but it’s quickly dimmed when the woman begins talking again. “You’ll all be immediately placed in foster homes by the end of the day. No worries, Nakahara-san. You’ll be in good hands. No more having to do it all on your own.” She shoots him a big smile. The redhead scowls. 

“Look, lady.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve done this more times than you can count so just cut the shit and tell me the order in which we’ll be placed. Who’s going with who?” 

The woman raises her brows. She checks through her papers. Glancing once more at the young boy, she sighs. “Shirase will be placed with two other boys at a community service center. Yuan will be placed with another girl in a group home…and…” she clicks her tongue. “You’ll be placed by yourself with a young couple who were kind enough to accept you. This’ll all be for a few days, just until we can figure things out.” 

Chuuya slowly nods. He eventually looks back at Dazai, who’s simply standing there with a shocked look on his face. The brunette gulps. He waits for the redhead to walk to him. Chuuya grabs Dazai’s hand, making his partner look down. “You’re being taken away…”

Chuuya breathes out a short exhale, slightly elbowing Dazai. “It’s just for a little while. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine and back to normal soon.” 

The woman shortly coughs from the corner, making the both of them look up. “I’ll leave you to say your goodbyes and pack some clothes. We’re leaving in twenty minutes.” She smiles, gives a short nod, then walks away, heels clicking on the floor. 

Chuuya turns back to his partner. Dazai’s face looks almost quiet, as if he doesn’t really know what to say. Or perhaps he’s a bit scared. 

“Dazai,” 

“Hm?” 

“Don’t be sad.” 

The brunette forces out a small airy laugh, shaking his head. “I’m not sad.” He scoffs. Chuuya raises a brow. He sighs, swinging an arm around Dazai’s shoulders to pull him in closer. He takes the both of them behind a wall where the social worker can’t see them. 

“Listen,” Chuuya mumbles in a low voice, close to the brunette’s face. “I’ll call you once I get placed. We can talk then, alright? I promise.” 

Dazai shuffles on his feet. “You don’t have to promise anything, you know…” 

Chuuya squeezes his hand, looking away. “When I promise something, I always intend to keep it.” And Dazai let’s a strange, tiny part of him believe it. 

“See you soon,” Chuuya pulls the brunette closer, pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead. Dazai waves back in a quiet murmur, face warm. “Bye bye…” 

He watches as Chuuya quickly packs his duffel bag and makes his way out the door. He watches as Chuuya looks back once more before swooping his head into the car. He watches as Chuuya closes the car door and looks out the window. 

He watches as Chuuya raises a hand up, resting his fingers against the glass. Dazai wants to touch the other side so badly. He picks at the bandages on his skin. The air is a warm type of cool that kisses his cheeks as the night sky covers the streets. The brunette looks up as a plane soars through the sky. It’s wings rip through the air, making him shut his eyes in a slight doze. 

He’ll make sure to see Chuuya tonight. He’ll make sure. 

Chapter Text

Ten hours. It’s been ten hours since Dazai has seen or had any contact with Chuuya. 

The brunette glances at the digital clock on his dresser. It’s almost one in the morning. Chuuya had said he would call Dazai as soon as he could, to let him know where he was. But Dazai is beginning to think that won’t happen. 

I should’ve stopped Chuuya from going. Why didn’t I try harder?  

The young boy nestles deeper under his blanket, wrapping the plush thin material around him. The room is dark, except for the bit of moonlight coming from the window, illuminating the walls. His parents are home, but they’re probably in a deep sleep by now. He’s the only one awake. Which isn’t abnormal, by the way. Dazai’s sleep schedule has always been nonexistent and irregular. 

There’s a tranquil quiet in his room, the only noise that can be heard in the background is the sound of his air conditioner. The blanket is up to Dazai’s nose, only allowing his brown bug-eyed orbs to peek out. He scans around the soundless room once, then twice. 

He’s bored. Bored of wondering if Chuuya is okay. Foster homes aren’t completely trustable, he knows that. That just adds onto his nerves. 

Dazai’s thoughts have been circling around his head for the past few hours. They always come back to the same question. Is he attached to Chuuya? Would he allow himself to be attached? Why does he even care? Should he allow himself to care? He tries his best to ignore these hammering questions, and thinks back to all the memories the two have made since he started school. That only makes it worse, obviously. 

Just when he’s about to tuck himself back into bed, the sound of his phone ringing makes Dazai jerk up. His eyes immediately shoot to the caller ID. 

Slug. 

“…Hello?” He hesitantly murmurs, holding the phone close to his ear. He can hear a faint chuckle on the other end. “Dazai.” 

“Chibi,” He breathes out, the corners of his mouth tugging up. He furrows his brows. “Where are you?” 

Chuuya’s end of the line seems quiet, which means he’s someplace secluded and away from people. It is one in the morning after all. The redhead exhales. “I’m at this married couple's house. Surprisingly enough, it seems like one of the best foster homes I’ve been in—considering the countless other ones in the past.” He says in a hushed voice. 

Dazai blinks. He lets out a shaky breath. “…That’s good. That’s really good to hear. What are their names?”

Chuuya scratches the back of his head from the other end of the line. “Umm…I think his name is Paul Verlaine? Yeah, Verlaine and his husband Arthur Rimbaud. They’re like—really rich. Loaded.” 

“Richer than me?” Dazai jokes, even though he wouldn’t consider himself very rich at all. Chuuya snorts. “I think they work at a science lab. It’s some crazy shit.” 

Dazai nods, relaxing his shoulders a bit. “So when will you be coming back?” He fumbles with a stray piece of hair. He stares at the ceiling while Chuuya’s voice speaks in his ear. “Maybe in a few days? I think they’re making this a whole case in social services. They might involve the landlord and Kouyou, since they’re the adults who knew about us living like that.” 

The brunette exhales through his nose. One hand holds the phone to his ear while the other rests under his head. “I wanna see you.” 

The line stays quiet for a few moments. “So then…come see me.”

The brunette raises a brow. He isn’t sure if he heard the words correctly. “What?” 

Chuuya silently smacks his face from the other end of the line. He exhales sharply before gaining back composure. “I said, come see me then. The house I’m at isn’t too far away from yours. I’ll text you the address. If you want.” 

“Okay,” Dazai simply answers, without thinking it through. He doesn’t have a clue how he’ll get there at one in the morning or when he’ll come back—but the only thing on his mind is seeing Chuuya’s face. Holding Chuuya in his arms. Burying his face in Chuuya’s shoulder so that he feels safe. 

“Alright, I’m coming.” Dazai pushes the blanket off his body when he sees Chuuya text the address to him. Thirty minutes. Walking there at one in the morning will take thirty minutes. 

But a bike will only take twelve. 

“Wait—you’re serious?” Chuuya marvels out, raising his brows a bit. Dazai mumbles a “yep” popping the ‘p’. He quickly ties the laces of his converse and puts on a thin sweater on top of his bare bandaged body. 

“Okay,” The redhead skeptically murmurs. “I’ll keep a window open for you on the right side of the house. Be safe. I lo—”

Chuuua freezes, and so does Dazai. The phone almost drops from his hand before the redhead clears his throat. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Bye.” 

“Bye bye.” Dazai says in a soft voice, right before Chuuya ends the call. He places the phone back in his pocket, but just sits there on the edge of his bed for a moment in slight awe. Was Chuuya really about to say what he thought he was about to say? 

I lo…ve…you…? 

The idea of Chuuya loving Dazai terrifies the living hell out of him. But for some strange reason, the warm pit in his stomach holds its ground every time he thinks about the three words Chuuya might’ve said. Frankly, everyone in his life who has ever said they love him, has either lied or abused that love. 

Do I…love Chuuya? 

He thinks about it for a moment. His cheeks go pink, an obvious fluster takes over his face. 

Ew! No, that’s gross! 

With those thoughts, the young boy walks to his window, opens it, and quietly slips out into the early foggy morning streets. 

***

Thirty minutes on foot. Twelve minutes by riding a bike. Now, Dazai would take a bike if he could. 

The only problem is…he has no clue how to ride one. And it’s a big fucking problem, considering he doesn’t wanna take too long to meet Chuuya. The brunette lets out a tired perplexed exhale, eyes glancing over the bike he’s taken out of his garage. 

It looks fairly new, the tires are clean and the paint is fresh. His dad had gotten him the gift for his thirteenth birthday—and obviously Dazai didn’t want one. But he  never asked to take it back. He didn’t care that much. 

Dazai runs a hand through his hair, grabbing the handlebars of the bike. He grips on, rolling the bar around his fists. Very carefully, he lifts his left leg over the bike and positions himself over the cushioned seat. 

This kinda hurts my ass…

Oh well. There’s no time to complain right now. He has somewhere to be. With those thoughts and determination in mind, the brunette wobbles a bit as he pushes off with his right foot. The wobbling doesn’t stop—and for a few minutes he’s just teetering like a seesaw with both his feet, trying to push off and balance all at once. 

“Shit!” He whispers shouts, gritting his teeth when the balance never arrives. He lets out a deep breath, halting all movements. Honestly, why did he make such an impulsive decision? Why didn’t he think this through? There’s no fucking way he’ll be able to learn how to ride a bike within a few minutes.

I did it for Chuuya. To see Chuuya. To feel Chuuya. To be with my Chuuya. 

“Fuck. That damn fucking slug.” He mutters under his breath, getting back on the bike seat. He inhales deeply before letting out a breath. Without thinking too much, he lifts both feet off the ground and sets them on the pedals. Within seconds, he starts peddling. And…

And…he’s doing it. 

He’s riding a fucking bike. 

“Holy…holy shit!” Dazai breathlessly mumbles, eyes wide as the wind blows back his bangs. He’s not going fast or slow—it’s at a normal speed but enough to make the brunette let out a small shriek of excitement. Gripping the handlebars tighter, he doesn’t look down at all. Instead, he keeps his eyes trained on the road and just moving forward. 

He had already memorized the way to Chuuya’s foster home two minutes after the redhead sent the address. So the streets are freshly burned in his memory. 

Unaware of the smile on his face, Dazai turns the corner on his bike. He bites the inside of his cheek when his destination comes into eyesight.

And there it is. The window Chuuya left open for him. 

It’s pitch dark, the only street lamp providing a minuscule amount of light, so he can’t see through the small crack. That is, until he catches a glimpse of a pair of hands shooting out to better open the window. Raising his brows in slight alarm, Dazai begins to duck under a few trees. The fear is quickly downed when he realizes the person opening the window is…Chuuya.

From his spot near the window on the second floor, the brunette can see Chuuya motioning and mouthing words. Urgently waving both his hands in the air so Dazai can spot him, the redhead whisper shouts, “over here!”

Dazai shoots him a thumbs up, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. There’s only one way to come up to the second floor window where Chuuya is. And that’s by climbing the small tree.

“Hey!” Chuuya whisper-shouts, as soon as Dazai is within a hearing distance. “Can you climb up here?” 

Dazai scratches the back of his head, eyeing the tree up and down. One of its big branches is connected to Chuuya’s window. It’d be a fairly easy climb. If he doesn’t slip. 

“Uh, yeah.” He murmurs, setting both hands on the rough bark. Chuuya stares in anticipation as the brunette begins mounting up the trunk. Dazai makes it all the way to the long, thick branch. He carefully inches his way to the tip, now only a few feet away from Chuuya.

The redhead shoots out a hand for Dazai to grab. The brunette happily does, relieved to be out of midair. Very swiftly, Chuuya pulls Dazai’s arm so that his body rifles through the window—making the redhead fall over too. 

“Owie…” Dazai mumbles, rubbing his forehead while he lays on top of the redhead. Chuuya gulps, feeling Dazai’s touch linger on his arms. Before they know it, the two realize what position they're in. The brunette is flopped on top of Chuuya, one knee between his legs while the redhead lays under, knees bent and face wide in shock. 

Dazai glances down at Chuuya’s parted lips before heat arises to his cheeks. He quickly scrambles up. “D-Did I take too long?” 

Chuuya blinks a few times, picking himself up from the ground and dusting off his pants. “No, you actually came earlier than I expected. And what was that you had? A bike?” 

A sudden grin appears on Dazai’s face. “Yeah, can you believe it? I rode a bike.” 

Chuuya raises a brow in confusion. He’s feeling a bit skeptical of the situation at hand. “You’re telling me…you rode a bike all the way here. Dazai Osamu—someone who does not know how to ride a bike—rode a fucking bike.” He says in slow, capable words.

Dazai scrunches his nose. He rests his hands on his hips. “Why is that so hard to believe? I learned, of course.” 

Chuuya snorts. “You learned how to ride a bike in under an hour?” The brunette nods. “I'm a fast learner.” He simply says. Chuuya stares at Dazai with doubtfulness written all over his. He waves it off a second later. 

Making his way to the bed, he sits down on the smooth white covers. He pats the empty space next to him, gesturing to the brunette to come sit by him. Dazai eyes his partner before complying. Once he’s seated down, he looks down at his lap. Quietly fiddling with his thumbs, Dazai trails his eyes up to his knees. 

His knees are brushing against Chuuya’s. Actually, brushing is quite the understatement. Their thighs are pressed together. So gentle. So soft. Yet Dazai feels the heat radiating off every time he realizes Chuuya’s touch is burning his skin in unimaginable ways.

“I’m proud of you.” Chuuya suddenly announces, voice smooth with serenity. Dazai blinks in slight surprise, not exactly sure what to say. 

At some point, Chuuya had grabbed Dazai’s hand and started tracing patterns on his palms. But not before gliding his fingers across the brunette’s knuckles, his fingertips leaking into every dent and bone Dazai’s hand holds. 

Dazai gulps, eyes flickering between his hands, still occupied by Chuuya. “What…?” 

Chuuya furrows his brows, shooting his partner a glare. He doesn’t let go of his hand though. “I said I’m proud of you. Didn’t you hear, dumbfuck?” 

Dazai tilts his head. “What for?” 

“For learning how to ride a goddamn bike! For fucks sake…” 

“…huh?” 

“What do you mean ‘huh’? I’m not repeating myself over again.” 

The brunette frowns. “But I don’t get it—” 

“Whatever,” Chuuya scoffs, letting go of Dazai’s hand to move over to the bed. He lays himself under the covers, back facing Dazai. “I’m going to sleep.” 

Dazai studies Chuuya’s snoozing figure for a moment before turning away. He exhales through his nose, clenching and unclenching his pale red-knuckled hands. 

He’s proud of me? What does that even mean? Riding a bike isn’t a very big deal…

…Chuuya is so strange. 

A soft smile creeps onto Dazai’s lips, his eyes glancing back to Chuuya’s back. The redhead’s body is slowly rising up and down. He must be asleep by now. But there’s also a chance he isn’t. 

Gingerly lifting up the covers, he slides his body next to Chuuya’s. For a moment, he breathes in the redhead’s familiar scent. With a delicate move, he slips an arm around Chuuya’s waist. Little does he know, the redhead is wide awake, heart beating faster than he can count. 

Chuuya mumbles a few incoherent words in his sleep, groggily turning his head to face Dazai. His arms open up a bit, giving Dazai just enough space and time to shuffle into Chuuya’s chest and sink against his body.

“O-oi! What’re you doing?” Chuuya furrows his brows, arms a bit agape as he watches the brunette gently rest his head on Chuuya’s chest, forehead buried in the crook of his neck. Dazai mumbles sleepily against his neck, “I’m tired. Going to sleep.” 

“You—you’re going to sleep here?!” Chuuya whisper-shouts in slight shock. The brunette pokes Chuuya’s stomach, faintly pinching his hips. “What do you want me to do? Sleep out on the streets?” 

“Yeah…” Chuuya warily lies through his teeth, puffing out some air when his eyes linger on Dazai’s fluffy brown hair poking out from under the covers. 

“It’s so warm in here…” the brunette murmurs, breath tickling Chuuya’s skin. His partner, to his own dismay, begins running a hand through Dazai’s hair. “Then you should probably get out of bed.” He murmurs right back. 

Dazai hums, sinking deeper into Chuuya's shirt. “Hmm…no thanks.” 

The redhead doesn’t say anything back, just simply continues running his hands through Dazai’s hair. He’s never seen Dazai like this. So raw. So unkept. Messy. Real. Touch starved. In this split second, Dazai feels small. So small as if Chuuya were holding something so delicate and fragile. So frail that it could break any second. 

For a moment, a hot fear spikes through his heart. But it’s the type of fear he’d gladly feel for the rest of his life over and over again if it meant Dazai could just stay in his arms forever. 

“What's wrong?” The brunette sleepily mumbles, drowsiness taking over his mind. He peeks his head out from Chuuya’s chest. Brown eyes blink back at blue ones. 

Chuuya stays quiet for a moment, studying the brunette’s face. He lifts his fingers to gently tilt Dazai’s chin upwards, making the brunette peer in curiosity. His eyes flicker up to his partner once before trailing back to his lips. And then he moves in. 

As Chuuya’s lips softly press against Dazai’s, the brunette sighs in content. His arms snake around Chuuya’s stomach, wrapping around his waist to tug him closer. 

“Your lips are cold.” Chuuya breathes out, tenderly pulling away from Dazai’s lips. The brunette opens his eyes in a daze, a flutter dancing in his stomach when Chuuya nudges his nose against Dazai’s jaw, allowing him access to his neck. The redhead feathers kisses on his skin, pressing kisses on the bandaged parts too. 

“Every other part of my body is hot though,” Dazai murmurs. Chuuya smiles against his skin, pulling away. Sleep is taking over his tired body. His tresses of red hair tickle Dazai’s skin when Chuuya rests the side of his face near the brunette’s neck. Dazai gently moves away some of Chuuya’s hair. “What’s wrong?” 

The redhead shakes his head. He gently pushes Dazai’s face back into the crook of his neck. “Sorry. I’ve just had a long day and my body is killing me…” 

“That’s okay, Chuuya.” Dazai presses his fingers against his partner's lips, making him quiet down. “You’re really tired. So you should sleep.” 

Chuuya hums in response, his fingers raking and massaging small circles in the back of Dazai’s hair. The brunette’s arm is loosely wrapped around Chuuya’s waist, hand drawing patterns on his back. This goes on for a while, until Chuuya feels the brunette’s hand eventually stop moving and his breath slowing down in gentle, even layouts. 

He’s finally asleep…

Chuuya wonders if Dazai has ever fallen asleep in anyone else’s arms. He wonders if Dazai has ever tried learning how to do something he doesn’t give two shits about for anyone else. He wonders if Dazai has ever cared enough for somebody; enough to bike out in the middle of the night just to see them. 

He doesn’t think Dazai has ever done that for anyone else. And that scares him. It terrifies him to the bone—that someone would do all that just for…just for him . Letting out a quivering breath, Chuuya buries his face on the top of Dazai’s hair. He softly strokes the brunette’s nape. 

“When I watch you sleep,” he shakily murmurs, “I feel overwhelmed that you exist.” 

Chuuya isn’t sure if Dazai made out his barely audible words. And Dazai isn’t sure if he heard correctly. A sinking feeling in his chest makes him want to unintelligibly cry. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s scared or if he’s in love. 

He just knows he wouldn’t mind staying buried In Chuuya’s chest for a while longer. 

Chapter Text

If you were to tell Chuuya he’d be stuck in a closet forced to make out with some stinky bandaged boy three times a day, he would’ve never believed you. The mere thought would’ve simply sent him into cardiac arrest. But here he is, doing the exact thing he never thought he’d be doing. 

“Okay! Enough! Enou— mhm! ” 

Chuuya’s complaints are yet again muffled when Dazai dives down to press his lips onto the redhead’s. Their tiny breaths are huffing out in messy patterns, both their chests bursting with ecstasy. The brunette hovers over Chuuya, both hands caressing his flushed cheeks. Chuuya’s fingertips grip the sides of Dazai’s shirt for what seems like the fifth time this day. He tilts his head up more to get a better angle against his partner’s mouth. It’s only until Dazai pulls away to breathe, that the two separate.

“You are INSANE! ” Chuuya sputters out, wiping at his lips. His blue eyes are vivid, chest feeling light as he pants out small breaths. He narrows his face when the brunette simply blinks back in innocence. “I thought kissing would be weird, but for some reason, I like doing it with you.” 

Chuuya opens and closes his mouth for a moment, brain short circuiting. He can’t just...say things like that! What’s wrong with him?! 

“So that means you have to drag me into a fucking janitor's closet every time the bell rings to make out with me? You really are shameless!” 

Dazai shrugs his shoulders, pressing his lips into a thin line to stifle the smile from creeping onto his face. “I just get bored. School isn’t interesting, like, at all.” Chuuya glares at him. “Oh, and my mouth is?” he mutters, crossing his arms. Dazai pretends to think about it for a moment by resting a finger on his chin. “ Hm ...Yup!” 

Chuuya pinches the space between his brows. “Unbelievable. I come to school to lock lips with a lanky stick figure. Absolutely wonderful. I feel so accomplished with my life, you know? This is great. I love it here.” he breathes out, rubbing his eyes. Dazai keeps his hands folded behind his back, swaying a bit on his feet. “Do you not like kissing me? Just say so, I can stop.” he says in a small voice. 

“I didn’t say that.” the redhead immediately mutters under his breath, shooting his partner another glare. Dazai tilts his head. He smiles, ruffling the top of Chuuya’s hair. “Chuuya is so confusing. He’s the most confusing person I’ve ever met.” 

The redhead snorts. He rolls his eyes, reaching for the door handle that leads out of the stuffy small closet. “If I’m so ‘ confusing’ , why are you even with me?”

Before he can say anything else, or even walk out the room, Dazai rushes past him. The brunette doesn’t look back, instead he just pulls up his hood so that his bangs fall in front of his face. 

“ Because I like you .” 

And then he’s gone. 

Just like that, leaving Chuuya by the door, mouth slightly parted with shock written all over his face. Dazai’s words almost seemed like a hushed whisper—so quiet that Chuuya had to do a double take because he almost didn’t hear correctly.

Come to think of it—had the two ever talked out their feelings? Confessed to one another? Or had they just spent all their time kissing and doing stupid shit around the neighborhood?

“ He’s the confusing one,” Chuuya mutters low under his breath. He grabs his bag from the floor, swinging it over his shoulder. With pink swollen lips and messy hair, he turns around to walk to his next class. His legs seem to move on autopilot because his mind is somewhere else. Thoughts and questions he should’ve asked himself months ago when he had first kissed Dazai, swirl around his head. 

Honestly, are we in a fucking relationship or not? 

***

It’s October, and their second year of high school has already begun. A month has already passed. Not much has happened since the day Dazai snuck into Chuuya’s foster home and crawled into bed with him, despite how obscene that may sound. The brunette had snuck back out (Chuuya had guessed before sunrise) and left before the redhead could notice. The young boy had woken up to an empty bed. The only remains left of Dazai was his scent, embedded in Chuuya’s pillow and shirt. Chuuya remembers stupidly keeping his face buried in Dazai’s pillow, hoping to burn the familiar scent into his mind. 

“Why aren’t you eating anything?” Chuuya asks, raising a brow. His words are a bit muffled from food in his mouth. Dazai feebly shrugs his shoulders and buries his face back in his arms, which are resting on the lunch table. “Not really hungry.” he mumbles. 

Chuuya glances over the brunette’s body. They’re both scheduled to have lunch a period before their last class, which means it’s well past noon. He knows for a fact that dumbass Dazai doesn’t eat breakfast, so his stomach is empty. Fuck, he doesn’t even eat lunch. 

The redhead watches Dazai while taking another bite of his sandwich. His partner is fairly quiet (like he always is, during this time of day), head still buried in his arms. His back is gently rising up and down as he breathes, a bit shaky. 

Chuuya places a hand on his shoulder. “Yo, Dazai...you okay?” 

Dazai hums quietly, nodding his head. He doesn’t look up at the redhead. “I’m fine. Just feeling a bit sick. Might throw up all over you.” he tries to joke. Chuuya frowns again. “You feel sick because you haven’t eaten, dumbass.” 

Dazai groans. “I’ll be fine, chibi. I just can’t wait to get out of here.” he weaky responds. The redhead clicks his teeth, exhaling a bit. 

He looks back down at his food tray. “Here, eat this, you dumbfuck.” he taps on Dazai’s head, which makes him look up. Chuuya brings a single french fry right to his partner’s lips. Dazai furrows his brows. “I said I’m not hungry. What part of that don’t you get? If I eat, I’ll just throw up.”

Chuuya kicks Dazai’s leg under the table. “And I don’t care. If you don’t eat, you won’t have the energy to walk home. Who knows? Maybe you’ll faint in the middle of the street like a dumbass.” 

Dazai scowls at his words. “If I throw up, it’ll be a big hassle.” he pouts. 

Chuuya’s expression softens. His mouth twitches. “So? You can throw up the food later on. I’ll be there with you. Holding up your hair like you’re a pregnant lady, or whatever shit people do.” he snorts. 

A smile starts to creep onto Dazai’s face before he crosses his arms, looking away with a pout on his lips. “Fine. I’ll eat but only on one condition. You have to feed me like the good little dog you are.”

Chuuya immediately cocks a brow. He kicks Dazai’s leg under the table again, this time harder. 

“Open up.” he commands, bringing the french fry to his partner’s lips. The brunette wiggles his brows. “Careful, Chuuya. That sounds very suggestive.” 

Chuuya shoves the fry into Dazai’s mouth, shutting him up. 

The brunette giggles a bit as he chews on the fry, shuffling closer to Chuuya so that their bodies touch. Chuuya looks away, covering his mouth. For once, Dazai’s smile looks genuine (considering they’re at school, where Dazai almost never smiles). His childish giggle sends a certain feeling through Chuuya’s chest. But he can’t explain why, so instead he always looks away. In fact, that seems to happen a lot when the two are together.  

“Ah,” Dazai opens his mouth, looking wide eyed at Chuuya. The redhead raises a brow, this time feeding him a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “See? I told you, you were hungry.” he mutters, watching Dazai chew the food with a smile on his face. His words come out muffled. “Maybe you were right.” 

Chuuya feeds Dazai a few more spoonfuls of mashed potatoes before a sudden sound makes the two turn their heads. 

“Chuuya, you could’ve just told us you got yourself a boyfriend. We wouldn’t have judged y’know.” Tachihara rolls his eyes, taking a seat on the bench across from Chuuya, placing his books on the table. 

Chuuya stares at Tachihara, eyes wide and jaw dropped. Dazai blinks back, slowly munching on his food. Tachihara has caught them in such a weird position that at this point, Chuuya thinks being caught in a sexual manner would’ve been better than being caught spoon feeding Dazai. 

“ B-Boyfriend?! You’ve got it all wrong...” the redhead stammers, immediately dropping the spoon that was about to go into Dazai’s mouth, placing it back on the tray. Dazai huffs in annoyance. He ends up grabbing the spoon to feed himself, since Chuuya won’t. 

“Yeah? So why’re you feeding him?” Tachihara chuckles, glancing between the two. Chuuya looks at Dazai with a worried frustration, stammering and unsure what to say while waving around his hands. The brunette on the other hand, sits quietly beside him, eating more spoonfuls of mashed potato as Chuuya smacks his shoulder for help.

“His wrist is broken.” Chuuya finally says. Dazai shoots him a side glance, a bit amused at the situation unfolding. He decides to help Chuuya out but nodding at Tachi, agreeing with the redhead. 

Tachihara raises a brow, a sudden smirk growing on his face. “So who wears the pants in the relationship?” 

Both Dazai and Chuuya stop in their tracks to slowly turn their heads towards the darker redhead in sync. Chuuya speaks up first. “The fuck do you mean by that…?” 

“Oh, y’know…” Tachihara waves around his hand like it’s obvious. “Who’s the woman in the relationship?” 

Dazai stays quiet, observing the situation at hand. He glances at Chuuya, who has a look of disgust on his face. 

The redhead scowls. “We’re both men. There is no woman in this relationship.” he shortly states. Tachihara looks like he’s about to make another joke, but his expression is quickly dimmed when he sees the look on Chuuya’s face. As if he’s being dared to utter another word. And so he awkwardly clears his throat. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Sorry about that haha…” 

Chuuya looks away, taking another bite of his sandwich. The darker redhead squints his eyes, blinking a few times. He scratches the back of his head. “Uh huh…well…I just came here to ask you,” he glances at Dazai. “ And you, if you guys wanted to come to this party around a few blocks from here.” 

“Party?” Dazai stops eating his potatoes and sets his spoon down. His eyes seem to open up, a sudden interest sparking in his mind. “What kinda party?” 

Tachi smirks. “Halloween party. The usual, of course. Music, drinks, games, and girls.” He puts a hand to his chin. “Although, I’m pretty sure neither of you are really interested in women—”

“ —So . What time is this party?” Chuuya interrupts, glaring at Tachi. The boy itches the bandaid on the bridge of his nose. “Friday. Starts around 8pm. Both of you should come.” 

“We’ll be there.” Dazai speaks up. Chuuya blinks at his partner, a bit surprised that he actually answered. He’s known that Dazai has wanted to go to a party before, but for some reason that never really processed in Chuuya’s mind. 

“Great. See you both there,” Tachi waves goodbye as he leaves the lunch table. Chuuya turns to Dazai, who’s scrounging up the rest of his mashed potatoes because the first bell has already rung.

“Are you sure you wanna go to a party…?” He hesitantly asks. Dazai furrows his brows. “I know what I want, Chuuya. I’m not a baby. I can make my own decisions.” 

Chuuya shortly exhales at his answer, tapping the table with his fingertips a few times. “Right, well. We’ll go there together and leave together. Got that?” 

Dazai rolls his eyes. “Obviously. I wasn’t planning on leaving with anyone else. You’re the only one I stick to.” 

“…Right.” The redhead nods. “…Well good. Stick to me.”

Dazai’s face heats up. And so he uses his spoon to flick some mashed potatoes onto Chuuya’s cheek. The redhead scowls in awe, hands immediately wrapping around his partner's bandaged neck. 

***

When they’re together, it’s absolutely impossible for Dazai to feel left out of conversations because Chuuya will always find a way to include him. Whether it’s by insulting him, throwing an aggressive arm around his neck, or kicking him in the leg…

Dazai lets out a huff of air as Chuuya’s arm around his neck tightens, pressing their cheeks closer together. Chuuya lets out a big laugh, continuing his conversation with the person in front of them. 

“Well, as I was saying, my BOYFRIEND and I are going to a party this weekend, and this is my BOYFRIEND’S first time going to one, so I wanna make sure my BOYFRIEND has a good time.” 

The cashier Chuuya is mindlessly mumbling to is awkwardly nodding. He lets out a nervous chuckle and continues quickly scanning the items. Dazai squints his eyes, trying his best not to scowl at the redhead.

There are many questions shooting through his head. For one, why the fuck is Chuuya calling him his boyfriend? When did they ever establish that? And why is he blabbing about it to a random cashier who clearly wants nothing to do with this conversation? 

“Haha, right, well that’ll be $16.57,” the cashier named “Mark” forces a smile, glancing at Chuuya. Chuuya takes his arm off Dazai’s neck to grab his wallet. The brunette lets out a breath from the suffocation, massaging his throat. He glares at Chuuya, who is handing him the grocery bags that Mark has already bagged up in super sonic speed and has moved onto the next customer. 

“You wanna explain what the fuck you pulled back there?” Dazai scoffs as soon as the two exit the grocery store. Chuuya purses his lips. “Listen, I was just trying to get used to the ‘boyfriend’ label. No biggie.” 

Dazai looks at him in disbelief. “Really? And what prompted you to do that?” And although he already has a faint idea on why Chuuya pulled that shit, he still wants to hear it from the redhead’s mouth. 

Chuuya frowns, face reddening as he looks away. “Nothing! I swear it was nothing...except something Tachihara said...and I’ve been thinking about it for a while now…” 

Dazai raises a brow. “And what’s that?” he asks, stopping in his tracks with the grocery bags in his hands. This makes the redhead halt too. Chuuya doesn’t turn around to face Dazai. He shifts on his feet. “What are we, Dazai? What have we been doing?” 

The brunette is a bit taken back by the question. He bites his lip, unsure of what to say. But hell, he really wants to say the right fucking thing right now. When he sees Chuuya starting to walk away, his arm seems to move without his permission, dropping the bag of groceries on the floor. An unexplainable force seems to push Dazai forward, he can feel the pressure on his body as he grips Chuuya’s arm, pulling him back. The redhead thumps against Dazai’s chest. 

“Wha—” Chuuya whispers out before Dazai’s arm wraps around his neck, hugging him from behind. The brunette rests his forehead on Chuuya’s shoulder. Chuuya widens his eyes in surprise, an audible gasp threatening to spill from his lips. 

“I...I know a lot of things but not this. I don’t know what we are.” Dazai confesses. For some reason, he had thought his heart would be hammering in his chest. But it’s not. It’s perfectly calm, his breathing in collected patterns. He swallows back the lump in his throat. “I don’t know how to do any of this.” he whispers. 

Chuuya gulps, letting out a small exhale. “Neither do I. You’re not the only one who’s completely clueless, y’know.” his shoulders relax against Dazai’s touch. 

He places a hand on the brunette’s arm, making him let go. Chuuya turns around and looks up at the chocolate brown eyes blinking back at him. He suddenly grabs Dazai’s shirt collar and pulls him down. As soon as his lips are against Dazai’s, the brunette lets out a muffled gasp, but quickly wraps an arm around Chuuya’s neck to pull him closer. 

Chuuya’s lips feel warm despite the chilly air and autumn leaves crunching beneath their footsteps. 

“We should get these groceries back to your house,” the redhead murmurs, pulling away a bit. He’s still close, close enough so that his nose brushes against Dazai’s, and so that the brunette can see the freckles on his pale cheeks. “Mhm. We should.” Dazai mumbles, cracking open his eyes. 

He licks his bottom lip before moving in to press another quick, chaste kiss on Chuuya’s mouth. “Let’s go!” 

Chuuya brings his fingertips to his lips, a slight euphoric shock in his chest. He feels a sudden warmth all over, even though it’s the middle of October. The breeze whips across his cheeks, bringing him back to reality. 

“Oi, Chuuya! You coming? I’m coooold!” Dazai whines from several feet ahead. Chuuya takes in a deep breath, eyes flickering to his partner’s dramatically shivering figure. He runs ahead, a grin on his face. He lightly punches Dazai on the arm, making him gasp in pain. “That’s why I told you to wear a thicker sweater, right? You never listen to anything I say.” 

“Nope,” the brunette shoots him a big smile; the type that makes Chuuya want to smash himself onto the concrete, because Dazai is too cute. To make matters worse, the brunette presses a kiss on the top of Chuuya’s hooded head. He turns back forward like it's no big deal, and the redhead doesn’t dare make eye contact. Damn you, Dazai…

The two can’t stop taking turns hitting the back of each other’s knees with the grocery bags as they walk home.

***

Unlocking the front door, the two walk into the warm home, letting out sighs of relief as the chilly air subsides from their bodies. Chuuya sets the groceries down by the dining table and turns to face Dazai. “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now—”

“—stay,” Dazai says, making eye contact with the redhead. Chuuya clears his throat. He doesn’t resist the offer, agreeing in a heartbeat. “Okay,” he nods. Dazai turns around to smile as the both of them take off their shoes. Just as they’re about to make their way up the stairs to Dazai’s room, a sudden voice speaks out. 

“Oh, Dazai! Is that you?” his mother calls out. They both freeze in their steps, turning their heads towards each other. “You didn’t tell me your mother was home?!” Chuuya mouths. “I didn’t know she was home!” Dazai whisper-shouts back. 

“Oh...here you are!” his mother exclaims, glancing at Dazai’s figure. Her eyes immediately shoot to Chuuya, who’s behind Dazai, hands in his pockets and brows raised. 

“Oh...who’s this young man?” she smiles, smoothing down her shirt. She’s still in her work clothes, which means she’s just come home. His mother glances down at the bags near the table. 

“Thanks for doing the groceries again, Osamu.” 

Dazai nods. “Dad’s not home?” 

His mom hesitantly shakes her head. “Ah...he got stuck at work again. Sorry, sweetheart.” the brunette simply nods again. 

“Work...right.” he mutters with a low bitter chuckle. Chuuya awkwardly stands between the mother and son before he glances up at the woman. 

He immediately bows to Dazai’s mother, red bangs falling over his eyes. “Good evening! Uh...Mrs...Dazai? Dazai-san?” he’s unsure of what to call her. To be honest, calling someone else ‘Dazai’ feels wrong. 

The brunette woman chuckles. “No need to bow. You can call me by my first name. Daria.” 

Chuuya lifts his head to be met with a warm face. Although something feels off in her eyes. They look almost soulless. Cold. distant. He feels a sudden shiver go down his back when the woman flips her long brown hair over her shoulder. She glances at her son, who is standing quietly by Chuuya. A nonchalant expression on his face. 

“Well, Dazai? Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend here?” 

Dazai swallows. He takes in a small breath, so small that it's barely noticeable. He cracks a knuckle. Chuuya can tell he’s preventing himself from cracking more. “He’s not my friend.” the brunette states. His mom and Chuuya both turn their heads. 

Dazai takes off his coat, hanging it on the hook. He easily walks to the table and pours himself a cup of hot cocoa. Taking a sip, he eyes the two, feeling the warmth of the cup in his hands. 

“Chuuya isn’t my friend. He’s my boyfriend.” he smoothly says. 

His mother still has a smile on her face, except her expression is frozen. And so is Chuuya’s. The redhead aggressively looks between Dazai and his mother, eyes wide with shock. 

His mother is the first to recover with a cough. “O-Oh, um...you never told me you were...that you were dating somebody…” she sheepishly scratches the back of her head. Dazai shrugs. “Never came up in conversation.” 

His mother nods, humming a bit. She furrows her brows, waving her arms in the direction of the other room. “Y’know actually, Osamu, can we talk in the other room? Privately?” 

Chuuya glances at Dazai with a curious expression on his face. Dazai takes another sip from his cup. “Whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of Chuuya.” the redhead raises his brows. It’s either that Dazai trusts Chuuya enough to know whatever’s about to be said, or he simply wants to maintain control over his mother. 

His mother holds in her scoff. She clasps her hands together, clearing her throat. “Right, well. Osamu…” her tone softens. She steps forward to Dazai, resting her hand on his arm. Chuuya notices the little flinch in his body. He’s aching to pull away.

“You know I support you with your...relationship, right? Whoever you choose to love is not my decision. But…” she tilts her head, sighing a bit. Dazai can already tell where this is going. His eyes feel sharp, but look dull when they look back at the woman in front of him. “But what?” he tries not to snap. 

His mother flexes her fists, glancing at Chuuya. 

“But the family might not...view your relationship...in a good way.” Dazai tries to stop himself from smiling behind his cup. “But why? Why not, mother ?” 

“Because...you’re dating a…”

“Dating a what?”

“Osamu…” his mother says in a low voice. Dazai sets down his cup. “No, no I’d like to hear. Dating a what—” 

“Dating a boy , for God sake.” she spits out. 

Chuuya’s mouth parts as he watches Dazai’s mom become a totally different person than she was a few minutes ago. To his surprise, his partner has a smile on his face. He nods, clicking his tongue in understanding. 

“See, the thing is mom,” he lowers his face and brings it closer to the brunette woman. “I don’t really give a fuck.” 

His mother’s face stays perfectly still. Her cold expression is silent. Chuuya watches in slight confusion and fear as the two stare at each other, shooting daggers. He feels as though he’s watching a deadly staring contest between two enemies. 

His mother finally sighs. She puts a smile back on her face, tilting her head. “Very well. That’s all I wanted to say.” she grabs her bag and slips back into her heels. “I’m going to a bar. I need a drink because of work stress. It was nice meeting you, Chuuya. My apologies you had to see this.” 

Chuuya doesn’t say anything back. The two boys watch her step out the front door and into the chilly evening air. The door slams shut on its own, but the redhead gets a peak of Dazai’s mother lighting a cigarette to her lips before it closes. 

“Well that was fun,” Dazai mutters, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Chuuya bites the inside of his cheek, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry—” 

“Don’t apologize.” the brunette sighs. “You’re not the one who’s a manipulative raging bitch.” Chuuya stares for a moment before taking a seat next to Dazai. He pours himself a cup of hot chocolate. “True. But what you did back there...that was pretty hot.” 

Dazai shoots him a side glance, a chuckle leaves his lips. “Really?” 

Chuuya smirks. “Yeah, the whole ‘he’s not my friend, he’s my boyfriend’ thing? Set my fucking pants on fire, I swear.” he jokes. Dazai lets out an actual laugh, which makes Chuuya crack up too. 

The brunette rests his head against Chuuya’s shoulder, quieting down. Chuuya uses his fingertips to tuck away strands of hair over Dazai’s ear. “Seriously though...are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Chuuya. I swear I’m okay.” Dazai rubs his eyes, exhaling. “I know my parents care about their reputation more than they care about me. It’s okay. I’m used to it.” 

Chuuya furrows his brows when he sees the tired look on his partner's face. The bags under his eyes suddenly seem more prominent. His hair is messy, and the evident slouch in his back makes the redhead frown even harder. 

“I-I care!” he suddenly says. Dazai’s eyes flicker up in confusion. “What?” 

Chuuya grabs both of Dazai’s shoulders, making the brunette widen his eyes in alarm. The redhead shakes his partner. “I care, dipshit! I care about you.” 

“H-Huh?” Dazai stutters, brows furrowing. Chuuya grits his teeth. “I care about you.” he repeats. His face feels boiling hot, but he keeps going on anyway. “And you’re an amazing partner. And a smart, funny, beautiful boy. Fuck , Dazai. You don’t even know how beautiful you are. And I love being around you. I...I think you’re worth caring about!” 

“S-Stop! What are you saying?!” Dazai squeals. He’s bright red and squirming under Chuuya’s touch. But the redhead won’t let go. He has a serious face, although he has no clue what he’s doing. “It’s true. All of it is true.” 

The two stare at each other for a moment before Dazai’s bottom lip quivers. 

“Stop…” The brunette mumbles, suddenly diving into Chuuya’s chest. He smashes his face against the redhead’s chest, gripping his shirt. “Stop it…” he murmurs. He lightly attempts to punch Chuuya’s arm. “You know I can’t take that…” 

It’s too much for his heart. Too much. 

Chuuya wraps an arm around his partner's body, so that they’re pressed up against each other. He buries his face in the top of Dazai’s hair. “Don’t start getting all sappy on me now, Dazai…” 

“I won’t,” Dazai’s words are muffled against Chuuya’s shirt. “But can I say something else?” His partner nods against his head. 

“I think I love you, Chuuya.” 

It’s so quiet. It’s suddenly so fucking quiet. The redhead freezes, not letting go of Dazai’s body. He takes in a small breath. For once, hearing those words from someone else didn’t seem so bad. 

“Hey…” Chuuya quietly says, pulling away from the hug to lift Dazai’s chin between his fingertips. Dazai reluctantly looks up. The redhead furrows his brows when he sees traces of wetness and moisture under Dazai’s eyes. He uses his thumb to gently wipe them away. 

Chuuya lets out a shaky breath. He moves in closer to Dazai, so that their foreheads are touching. “I think I love you too.” is the last thing he whispers before his lips are pressed against Dazai’s.