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Neither of us spoke for a while, once the briefing with Starfleet Command was over.
The radiation was contained, the Bridge was off-limits, which made us all sitting ducks until we could get towed to the nearest starbase, but— But no one was hurt.
Christopher and I sat side by side on our bed in silence, his hand clasped in mine. He’d intertwined our fingers, and had taken to smoothing his thumb over the back of my knuckles.
“Are you alright?” I asked, finally.
“...Something should’ve...Happened today,” Christopher said quietly, “And I don’t understand why it didn’t.” He hadn’t looked away from our joined hands, just kept watch, like if he turned away or let go, one of us would disappear. I was quiet for a moment, sighing softly and turning away from Christopher.
“...It didn’t happen because I couldn’t let it.”
I felt him look at me, then.
“What?”
I gently loosed my hand from his, standing and crossing the room, folding my arms across my chest and peering out of the window.
“You remember when I was stationed on the Pinnacle, under Eli? Those months when you couldn’t get in contact?”
“Yes.”
“Then you remember that we warped through a singularity that took us to another universe— another time. Somewhere that we shouldn’t have been. Somewhere… Somewhere where this had already happened,” I admitted, turning back to face Christopher. His brow was furrowed deeply, lips parted in confusion.
“So when I told you that I had seen my future,” He said softly, “That I knew something that I couldn’t share—”
“I knew,” I nodded, “I’ve always known. At least— I’ve suspected . There was a possibility that what had occurred there wouldn’t occur here. Things were different there. In that time, in that place, I had never been stationed on the Enterprise, Spock didn’t know me. I’d never even attended the Academy. But I didn’t want to ask you about what you had seen, especially if it had been something else.”
Christopher dropped his face into his hands, and I wilted, leaning back against the wall. It was a lot for him to take in, especially after the day he’d had.
“Come here,” He murmured, holding his hand out. I drifted closer slowly, carefully, and relaxed a little as he rested his head against my stomach.
“You saved my life,” He mumbled. I reached down, combing my fingers through his hair.
“You saved a lot of lives today, Christopher,” I reminded him, voice wavering, “I couldn’t lose—”
“Ssh,” He murmured, curling me closer as the both of us shook.
--
When I awoke, I found Christopher staring at the ceiling. It was almost startling— the man was never awake before me, and if he was, he didn’t stay awake.
“Hey,” I mumbled, resting my chin on his chest and blinking sleepily up at him, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” He murmured, hand smoothing over my shoulder, “Thinking.”
I closed my eyes, unable to help it. I was still sleepy, and being cuddled up close to Christopher didn’t help that at all.
“‘Bout what?” I asked.
“...A ranch.”
It took me a moment before I was able to open my eyes again.
“What?”
“A ranch,” He repeated.
“You always said that that was your retirement plan.”
“It still is.”
“You’re thinking of retiring?”
Christopher shifted out from under me, and I settled onto my back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I tried to understand.
“Listen,” He said softly, leaning over me, “I know… I know the ranch has always just been this... Idea , but until last night, I didn’t think that there was a chance for it to be anything but that. Things were going to change, and… And I guess in a way, they still have,” He took hold of one of my hands in both of his, “I’ve always wanted more for us. A home, and a family, but because of what I had seen...I didn’t think it was possible. It is now.”
I was much more awake now. I pushed myself to sit up and meet Christopher’s eye properly.
“Christopher—”
“I’m not saying that we need to decide now, I’m not going to retire tomorrow, and— And I want you to have time to think about this, obviously,” His gaze dropped to our joined hands, “We...We have time, we have more time.”
I reached out, cupping Christopher’s hand and drawing him in for a kiss. I appreciated the fact that he was giving me a chance to think about it, but I knew my answer— to being with him, to the ranch, to all of it.
I’d always known.