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“Here you go!” I announced while handing Lauren a cup of hot chocolate. Lauren thanked me with a small smile, not bothering to turn away from her laptop. As I sat down on her bed, I smiled at the fact that she just couldn’t go one day without internet. I had arrived at her place three days ago. And sure, she had done her best to guide me around, to show me a bit of the city. But no matter what time we got back to her apartment, she would always spend at least an hour on her laptop before going to bed.
I slowly took a sip of my hot chocolate while reaching for the latest copy of Rolling Stone, that happened to be lying on the floor next to Lauren’s bed. My hand had barely touched the pages when I heard a gasp come from Lauren’s direction.
“Bree, come look at this!” she called me before I had the time to look up. Slightly curious, I got up from the bed and walked to Lauren’s desk. She just pointed at the screen excitedly, so I slowly bent down a little to see what she was talking about.
ATTN: LOS ANGELES !!! if you are 18 and a fan of FOB & Panic! and want to be in a video we will need 50 people.. you will not be payed!
The tweet came from Zack Hall, the security guard for Panic at the Disco. I felt a smile form on my face as I understood what Lauren was excited about.
“You do realize that we are snowed in, right?” I asked, pointing out that the moment I had chosen to come to LA was also the moment that the gods had decided that LA needed snow. Lots and lots of snow. Enough snow to get roads closed and to have people stay home from their work.
Lauren just shrugged at my reaction. “LA isn’t that big, I’m sure we can make it by foot.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her words. “Who knows, maybe Santa will bring us some skies for Christmas!” I winked at her before walking back to the bed.
Lauren responded with a giggle before taking another sip of her chocolate. Then she turned back to her screen and started clicking and typing like a lunatic. I just smiled before reaching out again to pick up the Rolling Stone magazine.
-x-
The next morning I got woken up by somebody jumping on my bed. Jumping on my body, making my empty stomach go slightly uncomfortable.
I pushed Lauren off with a grumble. “What’s all the excitement about?” I asked, my voice hoarse from just waking up.
Lauren was still hopping up and down. “We got chosen!” she yelled, her voice a pitch higher than normal in all her excitement.
I had no idea what she was talking about. “What do you mean, we got chosen?” I wiped my eyes to get rid of the sleep and tried to suppress a yawn, but failed miserably. A look at the alarm clock on the bedside table told me it was 8:00 in the morning.
Lauren ignored my grumpy mood. “For the video! I messaged Zack yesterday after I showed you the message and he responded. The video is for a Fall Out Boy song. The shoot is in two days and it’s only three blocks from here, so that’s perfect!” She was practically yelling at me right now.
Not bothering to be surprised that Lauren was on the internet this early, I finally really woke up when her words registered in my head. “Wait, we are going to be in a music video?” I asked, finally making an effort to sit up straight. “That’s awesome!”
-x-
When we arrived at the place of the shoot two days later, I couldn’t help but look around me in amazement. We were in one of the more green suburbs of LA and unlike the rest of the city, snow hadn’t been cleared here. There were lights and cameras everywhere, all this technology seeming out of place in the peaceful landscape in front of me.
All too soon, my dreamy staring got interrupted when Lauren pulled the sleeve of my winter coat and I registered gasps all around me. I slowly turned around to see a group of people walking towards us. The closer they came, the more faces I recognized. Shane Valdez was leading the bunch, directly followed by the members of Fall Out Boy. I noticed Pete talking to Cassidee Pope. In the middle I spotted Spencer Smith silently talking to William Beckett. Straying a little behind was Brendon Urie, telling a joke that made both Greta Salpeter and Hayley Williams laugh. They were all silent but smiling when they arrived at the set. Shane took a step forward and scanned the crowd of people standing in front of him. He seemed pleased with what he saw.
“It’s a pleasure to see that there are still people who are brave enough to face the snow to get here.” He smiled. “Let me start by telling you what this is all about. We are going to shoot a video for Fall Out Boy today. I suspect that a lot of you guys expect that it will be a video for Alpha Dog, but I can announce now that it’s going to be something completely different. Has anybody ever heard of the song Last Christmas by this tiny little band called Wham!?”
Whispers went through the crowd, some questioning, some excited. I looked to Lauren at my side, only to notice we were wearing matching smiles. “Cool!” she whispered to me and I nodded fervently in agreement.
As I looked back at the people before us, Brendon caught my eye. He was whispering something to Joe when suddenly he looked up and locked eyes with me. He shot me one of his amazing smiles before turning to Joe again. I felt a light blush creep onto my cheeks as I quickly turned my attention to Shane again, who was still smiling.
“As expected from a hit like that, I see most of you know the song. Well, that’s the song this video is going to be for,” he announced. “The guys from Fall Out Boy wanted to do one more thing for their fans before officially going onto hiatus. And what better thing to do this time of the year than cover a Christmas song?”
More excited whispers ran through the crowd after Shane spoke. When I looked at Lauren again it was me who was speaking. “Cool, very cool!” I told her, earning an excited nod and a giggle.
“You should film a snowball fight!” someone not far left from me yelled and we all laughed at their enthusiasm.
“Edward Cullen in disguise?” Shane asked, clearly amused by the suggestion. I looked to my left to see a lanky boy shake his head with a blush on his cheeks. “You might as well have been,” Shane went on. “Because that’s exactly what we are going to do!”
-x-
“And action!” Shane’s voice rang over the meadow loud and clear and suddenly snow was flying all around me.
I quickly made a snowball and threw it at Lauren. It hit her in the back before she had the time to duck away. I laughed while jumping aside, making Lauren’s revenge miss me completely. Lauren made a discontented sound while running in my direction with her hands full of snow. I only laughed harder when she stumbled and fell face down into the snow.
I got remembered of the other people around us when a big snowball hit me straight in the face. I swept most of the snow from my face and spit out the part that had ended up in my mouth before looking around for my attacker. To my surprise, Brendon was standing not far away, looking right at me. When I met his stare, he sent me another smile and a quick wink before running off to tackle Patrick. I stood there flabbergasted for a few seconds and suddenly wondered if my cheeks were as heated as they felt.
“And cut!” Shane yelled a good half hour later.
And as fast as they had appeared, the flying snowballs were suddenly gone. I looked around me as we gathered around Shane again and saw how the once peaceful white was completely scrambled. Lauren was standing next to me with a red nose from the cold and a smile spread across her face. I let out a small chuckle when I noticed how both Spencer and Pete still had snow sticking in their hair.
“Great job everybody!” Shane said. “I would like to thank you all again for coming out here in this weather. I hope you had fun. Feel free to stick around to watch the rest of the shoot, we have some hot chocolate to keep you warm.” He motioned to the van standing not too far away, where Zack was waiting with a kettle of steaming hot chocolate and a big tray of chocolate chip cookies.
We all strolled in Zack’s direction as I noticed Pete taking a step closer to Shane. He frantically started talking as soon as all of us were out of hearing distance. I watched Shane’s expression change to slightly frustrated as he waved Brendon to come over. Shane talked to Brendon, making gestures that indicated ‘I don’t know’ and ‘Now what?’. He waved his hand in the direction of the crowd and Brendon looked in our direction, scanning all of our faces.
“Seems like something is wrong,” Lauren noted. I shrugged, not sure what was going on, and blew in my hot chocolate again to cool it down a bit.
When I looked up again from the plastic cup in my hands I jumped a few feet back in surprise. Shane was standing right in front of me and chuckled at my movement.
“I’m not going to bite,” he said. “I just wanted you to come with me for a moment.”
I frowned at his question. “Uhm… Sure,” I said. Then I turned to Lauren. “Hold this for a second?”
Lauren nodded with a smile when I handed her my cup. I followed Shane a bit unwilling, wondering if I did something wrong.
“You scared her, Shane!” Pete noted when I was close enough for him to see my facial expression.
Shane chuckled again. “I just asked her to come with me for a moment,” he said to Pete before turning to me. “Listen, uhm…”
“Breanna,” I helped him out.
“Right, Breanna. We are having a problem. The girl who was supposed to play the lead in the video can’t make it here. And because Brendon is playing the male lead, we told him he could pick someone to play aside him. And he picked you… If you are up for it of course.”
I looked over at Brendon, who was staring at his shoes. Then I turned around and searched for Lauren’s face. We had a short wordless conversation before I turned my back to her again.
“Sure,” I told Shane. “I would love to.” My response made Brendon look up and smile. It almost seemed as if he let out a relieved breath.
-x-
“Last Christmas video, flashback scene, take one. Action!” I heard Lauren giggle before she closed the clapboard with a smack. From the corner of my eye I could see her turn to silently talk to Patrick.
I didn’t get much time to keep an eye on Lauren before Brendon asked for my attention by grabbing my hands. He twirled me around in the snow, just as Shane had instructed him. We were filming a flashback scene and I was sure it would look beautiful in black and white. We made a few circles and just as I began to feel dizzy Brendon fell forward, landing on top of me. We both let out a small giggle and then he bend down to give me a quick peck on the lips. His lips were chapped from the cold and yet they felt very soft. I let out an involuntary sigh when Brendon pulled back.
“And cut! Very good, now let’s do that again!” Shane called to us from behind the camera.
Brendon grinned at me. “You’re cute when you blush!” he whispered before rolling off me and getting up. His words made the color on my cheeks darken. For a few moments I was sitting stunned in the snow again.
-x-
Our audience applauded when I walked out of the mountain elevator for the last time. I was laughing and following close behind Brendon, but Pete’s arm was firmly wrapped around me.
“That’s a wrap! Thank you everybody!” Shane yelled across the set.
I clapped along with the rest of the people and gave out a few hugs before walking over to Lauren, who was standing at the side of the set with a big smile on her face. “You did great!” she told me as soon as I was close enough. I just smiled at her and shrugged, signaling I didn’t think much of it.
“She’s right, you know,” Brendon’s voice came from close behind me. “You really did a great job!” he assured me when I turned around to face him. I shrugged again, mumbling how it was no big deal.
“You really need to learn how to take a compliment, kid,” Greta told me when she piped up next to Brendon. “You coming, Bren? The sooner we have all this cleaned up, the sooner we can go out for drinks.”
Brendon nodded. Then he smiled at me again. “You did really good, Breanna!” he assured me once again. “Thanks for helping us out.”
“No big deal!” I waved his compliment away. He just smiled and hugged me before saying goodbye and walking off with Greta.
They had made their way half across the set when Brendon turned around again. He seemed to hesitate a moment before yelling at me. “Hey Breanna!”
“Yes Brendon?” I questioned with a small smile playing on my lips.
“We are going to a bar not too far from here when we have this mess cleaned up. Want to come and celebrate your first film role?”
I didn’t need to look at Lauren to know her reaction. I heard her let out a small squeak and I couldn’t help but grin. “Sounds like a plan to me!” I quickly agreed with Brendon’s suggestion.
-x-
I woke up groaning the next morning. The light coming through the big windows on the other side of the room was too much, too bright. I made a mental note to not ever mix egg nog with champagne and wine again. My fourth glass of egg nog was the last thing I remembered.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel more horrible, but I was proven wrong as soon as I looked to my side. Brendon was lying next to me, a fact that might have been less disturbing if he had been wearing any visible clothing.
“Fuck!” I whispered to myself as I quickly scrambled up. Not the brightest idea.
I waited until the room stopped spinning again before getting out of bed, slowly this time. I waited for a moment, making sure the room didn’t spin again. When my eyesight didn’t blur, I started making my way through the room in an effort to gather my clothes. I snatched my bra off the lamp, found my shoes on the couch. I noticed one sleeve of my sweater stick out of the closet. I tried not to think of how it got there while I got dressed. Not that I would have remembered anyway.
I was zipping closed my right boot when Brendon suddenly twisted. The little noise that passed his lips made me jump in surprise.
“Fuck,” I repeated my earlier statement when Brendon lifted his hand and started to wipe his eyes. “I’m not dealing with this right now.” I grabbed my coat and purse from the floor and headed for the door.
“Breanna?”
My hand hesitated on the door handle for a millisecond, but I didn’t turn to look at Brendon.
“Breanna, wait!”
I heard Brendon behind me as I made my way down the hall. By the time I had reached the elevator I was running. I jumped into through the closing doors of an empty one and punched the button for the ground floor. The hurt in Brendon’s eyes was the last thing I saw before the elevator doors closed.
“Fuck!” I told myself once again before sinking down on the elevator carpet and burying my face in my hands.
-x-
“I’m going to miss you so much!” Lauren told me for the third time in half an hour as she hugged me at the check-in. I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.
“I’m going to miss you too!” I assured her. “I’ll call you to let you know I arrived safely.”
“Yeah, you do that… I…” Lauren hesitated for a moment. She had been acting strange all morning, as if she was trying to postpone my departure. When I asked her about it, she denied of course.
“Is there something else you need to say to me?” I asked her one last time.
“I… Uhm… Well, you see…” She fidgeted with her fingers and avoided my eyes.
I was about to pull her chin up to force her to look at me when my name got called out. I didn’t need to turn around to see which lips the word had passed. Lauren finally looked up at me, blushing but smiling as well. “He direct messaged me on twitter,” she said.
“I hate the internet,” I grumbled.
I picked up my bag and tried to head for the check-in. I had only lifted one foot when Lauren grabbed my arm. I looked from her hand to her face with questioning eyes.
“At least hear him out?” she pleaded.
I didn’t bother answering her. She smiled and hugged me one last time. “Call me when you get home!” she insisted while walking away. I gave her a small nod in response, my face grim.
I watched her walk away. Only after she was completely out of sight, I turned and faced Brendon.
He was fidgeting his fingers nervously and I realized he was waiting for me to say something. I refused to say a word. I wasn’t mad at Brendon. I was disappointed in me and I was scared I would take that out on him. So I refused to say a word.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon whispered after a few more awkward moments of silence.
I looked at him in surprise. “W-what?” I stuttered.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon repeated. “I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. We were drunk and…”
I silenced him with a finger on his lips. He finally looked at me and I could see confusion in his eyes. “Don’t be sorry,” I heard myself say. “I don’t regret what happened. I do regret the way it happened, but I don’t regret what happened.”
“I… But…” Brendon had to search for a few moments before he found the words that I was expecting. “Then why did you run away?”
I closed my eyes for a moment. I had been thinking about this a lot the past few days. I still had trouble putting the thoughts that swirled through my mind to words. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes again.
“I didn’t regret what happened, but I was scared maybe you did,” I tried to explain.
“I don’t…” Brendon interrupted, making me put my finger on his lips again.
“Please let me try to explain?”
He nodded and I slowly lifted my finger from his lips. My lips curled upward a tiny bit when Brendon stayed silent. My eyes focused on the floor when I spoke again.
“In the few hours we got to spend together, I started to like you a lot. I enjoyed spending time with you. And I was scared I wouldn’t get a chance to get to know you better when you realized what happened. I have never been good with rejection and I guess I didn’t want to give you a chance to hurt me. So I ran.”
“Why would I reject a girl like you, Breanna?” Brendon’s words made me look at him again. “In the short time we got to spend together, I learned that you are smart, cheerful, pleasant and kind-hearted. You have this natural spark that makes you stand out from a crowd. That’s why I noticed you in the first place,” he told me. “And you are cute when you blush, but you already knew that.” he added teasingly when he noticed my heated cheeks.
“If I didn’t know better, I would say you are flirting with me, Mr Urie!” I managed to get out, although I didn’t sound nearly as sly as I had intended to.
Brendon let out a small chuckle. “Who says I’m not?” he questioned.
“I’m going back to Milwaukee!” I blurted out in response. When the words registered in my head I pinched my eyes closed and literally smacked myself in the head.
“I’m sorry. That came out totally wrong,” I said when I had the courage to open my eyes again and look at Brendon. “It’s just… I’ll be in Milwaukee and you’ll be here in LA. That’s what, 1700 miles apart? I like you Brendon, but…”
“You don’t want a long distance relationship?” Brendon finished my sentence. I slowly nodded.
“How about a long distance friend?” he asked. “We’ll take things slow, get to know each other. We’ll call, see where it leads us.”
I had to think about it for about half a second. “A long distance friend sounds great!” I agreed.
Brendon smiled and pulled me into a hug. I pressed myself against his chest for what seemed like hours. Then I heard the last boarding call for my flight. “I have to go now,” I told Brendon when I pulled out of his hug, a little hesitant.
Brendon nodded. Then he grabbed my arm, pulled a sharpie out of his pocket and scribbled something down. “Call me when get home!” he repeated Lauren’s earlier words.
I smiled at the numbers on my arm and nodded. I gave him a small wave before turning around and walking off to the check-in desk.
-x-
Six months and a lot of phone calls later I was sitting in a plane again. On my way to LA, on my way to Brendon.
It still amazed me how quickly I had gotten attached to Brendon. When he didn’t call for a couple of days I missed his voice. When I couldn’t sleep I asked him to sing for me. And when he laughed, my heart fluttered. I longed for a hug, his touch, before I would forget what he felt like.
When the plane touched ground I wasted no time in getting off, hurrying to the arrival hall. LAX was crowded as usual and yet I saw only one person, the rest of the people around me a blur.
Brendon was staring at the arrivals board, dark sunglasses in his hand and slightly squinting his eyes to read the small text. I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in just a simple Sublime t-shirt and a jeans.
And before I realized what I was doing, I was running towards him. “Bren!” I called out.
The sound of his name made Brendon avert his gaze from the board. When he saw me running towards him he smiled that same breathtaking smile as the first time we locked eyes. He opened his arms just in time to catch me. We spun around a few times before he put me down on the ground again.
“I’ve missed you so much!” I whispered to him. And then, before I consciously had made the decision to do so, but with all the passion I could find inside my little body, I kissed him. I kissed him on the lips, wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as I could.
If Brendon was surprised, he didn’t let it show. He kissed me back with just as much passion.
When we broke apart, Brendon needed a moment to catch his breath. “I was hoping you would say that,” he whispered after taking a few deep breaths. I just smiled and snuggled deeper into his chest.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes at the most, I lifted my head from Brendon’s chest to look around me. It was only then that I noticed Shane and his girlfriend standing a few yards away. They were both smiling at the scene that had unfolded in front of them.
I grinned back at them while Brendon bent down to whisper in my ear. “I think we should get your luggage now and get out of here,” he told me. “The faster we get to my place, the faster we can snuggle on the couch.” I chuckled at his suggestion before nodding in agreement.
We pulled apart a bit reluctantly and made our way to Shane and Regan. I hugged both of them as they welcomed me to LA again.
“Seems like you finally got that present you asked Santa for last year!” Shane teased Brendon. We all laughed when Brendon’s cheeks heated up at his words. I giggled while Brendon smacked Shane in the head playfully.
Brendon replaced my giggle with a smile that lighted up my face when he laced his fingers with mine. He stole another kiss from me before we walked off to the baggage claim.