Work Text:
Charles stood like frozen on front of the window, staring out at the Monaco harbor. It was late afternoon, the sun already started to go down slowly and everything is drowned in golden sunlight.
It was a beautiful view. Monaco was beautiful. Always will be. Always has been. Still the last race was stuck in his head. He has always been laughing at all the “Monaco curse” jokes, but if he was true to himself, sometimes he believed it too. How could you start at your damn home race 5 times and never finished it. Never. In five years.
Charles shook his head and turned away from the window. He needed to finish packing, a taxi would pick him up in three hours for the airport, heading for Baku.
Baku. Next race, next memories. Baku 2017 was and will always be stuck in Charles’ head too. Always, the moment his feet touched ground there. He remembered 2017 like it was yesterday, even though it had already been four years ago.
He had been nineteen there, almost still a teenager but in the same way already grown up. He had won Baku in his champion ship winning F2 season with Prema only days after his father had passed away totally unexpected.
It had been one of the weirdest, hardest and absolutely mind-blowing days of his whole life. He had felt like not being really there and on the other hand everything felt so overly loud and colorful it had been physically painful.
“Shit,” Charles mumbled to himself and tried to get the memories out of his head. It had no use to keep drowning in them. It would just made this already weird feeling he had worse.
He didn`t even know, why he felt so weird. He had been racing in Baku before and everything was fine. So why the hell was he feeling like this now. He had been for a while, actually ever since Monaco. He even messed things up a little with Charlotte as he was constantly somehow annoyed and kind of unhappy so in the end she left that very morning and their goodbyes had not been as lovely and long as usual.
He had to call her and explain but he thing was, he couldn`t even explain to himself, so how should he explain to his girlfriend?
The ringing doorbell stopped Charles from overthinking. He didn’t expect anyone as he was off in a few hours anyways. He walked over to the apartment door and pressed the button for intercom.
“Yes?”
“It’s me, let me in!”
“I’m off any minute for the airport, you knew that.”
Charles recognized the voice from the first word. Of course, he had spent his whole lifetime knowing this person and that fact made it almost impossible to lie to him.
“Charlie, your flight leaves in 7 hours, don’t try lying to me it doesn’t work you know?”
Charles pressed the opener button. “Come in then.”
He heard footsteps on the staircase. Arthur would never use a lift if there was a staircase as alternative ever since he had been stuck in one on in hotel in Paris when he had been six years old.
“Arthur.” Charles was so used to everyone calling his brother by the english way of pronouncing his name that he started to use it too.
Arthur pulls Charles in a hug, which is not necessarily unusual but also not something he did every time they met. Especially as they had seen each other at the family dinner yesterday night.
“Arthur, what are you up to, you’re acting weird.” Arthur pulled up a very innocent face.
“I have a surprise for you. Put your shoes on and come with me.”
Charles started at him in surprise, “Arthur, what the hell? I need to be at the airport soon, so I don’t have time for your funny jokes.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Man you really are not in your very best mood, aren’t you?” he said with a slight note or irony in his word. Charles sighed, “Did you talk to Charlotte by any chance?” He felt anger rising but before he could add anything, Arthur cut him off.
“Yes he did, but only because she was worried that you acted somehow weird the last few days. You are very bad in hiding your emotions, you know,” Arthur was grinning mischievously now.
“Arthur I don’t want to…”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake just get your stupid shoes on and come with me. Please,” Arthur added the last word a little softer.
“Where are we going then?” Charles asked but the same moment he was already reaching for his sneaker on the cupboard next to him.
“You’ll see.”
Arthur grabbed Charles wrist and dragged him out of the apartment. The door closed behind them and for a moment the brothers were standing next to each other, Charles scanning his younger brother for any hints. When did he grow up like this?
In front of the house Arthur’s old historic Vespa he inherited from their father is parked directly on the sidewalk.
“Who needs real parking spots, huh?” Charles teased but Arthur just shrugged, “I was gone for like five minutes. Could have been three if you wouldn’t have been so stubborn.”
“I love you too,” Charles mumbled and Arthur grinned again.
“And as you love me so much, put this on and just trust me.” With this, Arthur handed him an additional helmet for the Vespa .
“I am pretty sure the last time we did this it was me driving,” Charles said while he got into place behind his little brother. He could see from the way his head and shoulder moved, that he was laughing.
“Times are changing, Charlie, huh?” His voice sounded muffled with the helmet on. Charles put his arms around Arthur’s waist and his younger brother started the Vespa and turned it off the sidewalk onto Monaco streets.
Arthur and his Vespa always had been a very unique couple. Charles had always wondered if Arthur did something not so very legal to the engine, because the small vehicle was crazy fast but no one except Arthur was allowed to drive it, so no one would ever know.
“Arthur where the hell are we going?” Arthur already left the city going up the mountains, but he didn’t answer his brother. Charles looked around. The streets were familiar and suddenly he knew where his brother was taking him.
“Arthur no.” He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go there, not today, not after the last race in Monaco, not with this weird feeling he already has had for the whole past week.
“Trust me.” That was all, Arthur was saying and Charles gave in. They were almost there anyways.
When they stopped at the side of the road, where a small lookout was built, Charles took a deep breath. It was a very secret place. No tourists ever came here and Charles was pretty sure most of Monaco’s residents didn’t know this place either.
To him it was as familiar as his old children’s room at his mother’s house.
Arthur already took off his helmet and walked over to the small stone wall that was built around the lookout.
Charles slowly took of his helmet, too. The sun was slowly going down further and even from the side of the street he could already see, how the sunlight reflected on the sea.
When he walked over to Arthur the weird feeling got stronger. Like a diffuse pain in the chest that had no physical issue. Arthur already sat on the wall, his feet dangling over the abyss and Charles instinctively put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder.
“Dad always brought us here after hard races. After mistakes and after weekends, that didn’t went the way we wanted them,” Arthur said with a calm voice and without looking at Charles behind him.
Charles nodded even though Arthur couldn’t see it.
“He always said that this overview could cure every pain and disappointment, cause when you look at the beauty of our home you can’t feel anything but gratefulness to be here and alive.”
It felt like it was yesterday. Charles could hear his father’s voice in his head. He hadn’t been up here ever since 2017. He almost forgot about this place, but Arthur obviously didn’t.
And suddenly, Charles felt the overwhelming need to talk about what bothered him all these days.
“Arthur what, if it never happens? What if I never win my home race, what if I never will be world champion, what if all the hard work Dad put into my career was for nothing and he wasted half of his life on me absolutely pointless?”
The words came out before Charles could even really think about them. He didn’t even know, that it was this thought that had been bothering him that much after his again ruined home race two weeks ago.
“Look,” Arthur just said and pulled Charles closer to the wall by grabbing his hand that was still resting on his shoulder.
“I know this view, I know it’s beautiful,” Charles said recognizing the slight shake in his voice and trying to prevent it from cracking. This was exactly what he tried to avoid all these days. Losing his emotions he had managed to keep together for the whole time ever since Monaco race day.
For a moment they fell into silence and Charles was fighting to bury his emotions somewhere inside him again. In the end, he climbed up the small wall himself and sat next to Arthur as close as possible. Their arms and legs touched.
Pictures of old days flashed before Charles eyes. He had been sitting here before in almost the same way. Only their dad had usually been between the brothers, one arm around each of them. No matter who of the brothers had a bad race, he always took them both.
“He would be so proud of you, you know? The way you handled the lost pole and race. The way you stayed and cheered for Carlos and Ferrari. He would have been so incredible proud.”
Charles bit his lip, he felt tears coming but didn’t want to start crying in front of his little brother. Instead he pulled an arm around Arthur like their dad always did and put his head on Arthur’s shoulder without saying a word.
“In case you wonder how I can be so sure of that, I can tell you. I am so sure dad would be proud because I was. I was absolutely startled by the way you handled this mess, because I know, I would have stormed off the track, especially at my home town and hide in my apartment for the rest of the day. You didn’t. You stayed and smiled and supported your team.”
“Shut up, Arthur, you make me cry,” Charles closed his eyes to blink away the tears and he can hear Arthur’s soft chuckle.
“I know you hate crying but it can actually make things easier, you know? Ease the pain.”
Charles had to laugh despite the tears.
“When did you become a psychologist?” he asked and pulled up his head, to look at his brother again. This time Arthur’s eyes met his.
“You’re underestimating my intelligence as always, Charlie.”
“Idiot,” was Charles only answer but Arthur just grinned at his older brother and put an arm around his waist.
For a while both brothers just sat there in silence and watched the sun slowly going down, drowning in the glittering sea.
“Thank you Arturro,” Charles said after a while and he meant it like this. Even though they hadn’t spoken that much, it had been exactly what Charles had needed to get this heavy feeling of his chest.
“I don’t know when it happened, but you became a pretty decent person,” he added. Arthur slightly pushed him away snorting and Charles grabbed Arthur’s hoodie to prevent himself from losing balance.
“How very nice I should be honored you don’t think I am a complete idiot, huh?” Arthur tried to give his voice an angry sound, but it didn’t really work.
Nevertheless, Charles pulled him in a quick hug again.
“I could never wish for a better little brother and you know this.”
Arthur nods, his head buried in Charles pullover and Charles can feel Arthur smiling.
“You are a quite decent big brother too. I wouldn’t be where I am now without you.”
They felt into silence again, until the sun was completely vanished from the sky and the sea was back to its usual dark blue surface.
“Are you still coming here frequently?” Charles had to ask, since he wondered for a while. Arthur nodded, “Yes. Still every time I don’t feel good or had a bad race. I didn’t dare to ask you to come with me as I knew you never ever went here by yourself or suggested it.”
Charles nodded. Probably he would have said no if Arthur would have asked him before.
“Next time you want to go here, don’t even ask, okay? Just come over or call, when I’m home too, and we go together.”
Arthur smiled at him, “Will you go here? After bad races I mean? Like before?”
Charles hesitated for a moment, then he caught his brothers glance again. “Will you accompany me then?” he asked. Arthur nodded without hesitation, “of course.”
“Then yes!”
They smiled at each other for a moment, than Arthur took a look at his watch. “We need to go if you want to catch your ride for the airport,” he told Charles then and jumped off the wall. Charles took one last look at the bay beyond them and then he followed Arthur back to the Vespa.
On their way back to Charles’s apartment he felt that the weird feeling was gone. He felt focused and concentrated again. Monaco was in the past. Baku was ahead without any old ballast.
When Arthur stopped in front of Charles’ home and Charles got off the Vespa, he hugged his younger brother for a last time. “Thanks for taking me. You helped me a lot.”
Arthur grinned from under his helmet. “Always at your service. Go get them in Baku and maybe call Charlotte I don’t think she was too happy about how things went the last few days.”
God, now his little brother was even giving him relationship advices. He was right though.
“I will at the airport. I’ll text you latest when I arrive in Baku. See you next week.”
He patted his little brother on the helmet for goodbyes and Arthur waved at him with a last “Have a safe flight, Charlie, I love you!” before he was off on the street again.
“I love you too,” Charles said silently. Arthur wasn’t going to hear it anymore but he didn’t need to.
He knew anyways.