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They do it the summer after sixth year. They both know Voldemort is closing in and they won’t have long before they have to fight. They’re worried they won’t even be able to go back to Hogwarts for their seventh year.
So when Sirius proposes it quietly, they slip off one night that week and go to the ministry. They’re both of age, having turned seventeen during the last year.
They sign their names on the paper after they say “I do” as Remus and Sirius Lupin. Sirius had always hated the Blacks, hated what they stood for and how they treated him and he was only too happy to take Remus’s name.
They do end up going to Hogwarts, but they still don’t tell anyone, not Peter, or Lily, or even James. Certainly not their families. And so, things go on like normal.
They both sleep in Remus’s bed, just like they have since spring break of fifth year. Sirius makes the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a beater again. Remus studies for hours in the library to prepare for the upcoming N.E.W.T.s.
(“My wonderful nerd boyfriend.
“Your wonderful nerd husband, darling.”
“My wonderful, awesome, nerd husband.”)
Surprisingly, it is the Quidditch team that causes the first problem. Quidditch has always been a good outlet for Sirius’s energy and aggression.
“Moony,” he says desperately the morning of the first game of the season as he bursts into the dorm.
“Hmm?” Remus says noncommittally without looking up from his book.
“Moony, look at my robes!” Sirius says. He sounds upset, but Remus still doesn’t look up. They probably just changed the style or the shade of red and he doesn’t like it. The robe’s were given to the players last week, but Sirius hasn’t looked at his until this morning.
“Did they change your number?” Remus asks, more for the purpose of saying something to placate him than anything.
“Look at the name,” Sirius says, and this time he nudges Remus to get him to look up.
“Did they give you James’s on accid-,'' Remus cuts himself off as he looks up. “Merlin’s fucking pants,” He swears colorfully when he read the shinning gold letters emblazoned across the back.
LUPIN.
How did they not see this coming?
“Ok, don’t panic, I’ll try to spell it to say ‘Black’,” Remus says, quickly pulling out his wand and trying every spell the two of them can think of.
“It won’t work. The robes are charmed. Remember in third year when we tried to spell that Slytherin chaser’s to read ‘Git’? Or when James wanted his to say ‘Da best’ in fourth year?” Sirius says nearly an hour later, when the robes still say Lupin, but are shinier than ever.
They eventually run out of time and Sirius has to sprint to the changing rooms. He’s the last one there and James, as the captain, has to reprimand him.
Remus takes a seat in the stand with Peter (who flunked at tryouts for the fifth year in a row) and Lily (who only started coming to games and practices recently to support James).
“Are you alright?” Lily asks, sounding concerned.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just ah- yeah, I’m fine,” Remus stutters out.
They both give him a concerned look but turn away to watch the game when it starts just at that moment.
Remus feels like every single eye in the stadium is on him as soon as Sirius flies out.
Sirius flies by, blowing kisses at their section of the stands, and Peter cheers, but Lily squints her eyes. “Is it just me, or did his jersey look like it didn’t say Black? I don’t know what is did say, but-”
Remus goes pale and cuts her off. “What’s a jersey?” He asks quickly.
“Right, sorry, muggle thing,” She says, forgetting about the name on the robes entirely.
That doesn’t last past Sirius's second pass by their area of the stands.
He swings his bat, slamming the bludger that was heading for one of the chasers and sending it toward the Ravenclaw seeker. Both Remus and a girl a couple rows back swoon a little.
“No, really, his jer- robes said something different this time.” Lily insists.
She pushes her way to the front of the stands so she can see better. Remus hurries after her to do damage control.
“It almost looks like it says… But no, that’s impossible.” Lily says as she cranes her neck.
Unfortunately, the commenter seems to have noticed the same thing as Lily. Remus has never regretted giving up that job more than he does right now.
“And Sirius Bla- HOLD ON A SECOND! I DON’T THINK THOSE ROBES SAY BLACK,” He roars over the mega phone. Remus can see the tiny figure of Minerva McGonagall push her way to the front and redirect the commentator’s attention.
Remus is so thankful for Professor McGonagall at that moment.
“See! I told you so! What did you spell those robes to say, Remus Lupin?” Lily asks.
Remus just hides his face in his hands.
After the game, Sirius and Remus are cornered by James, Peter, Lily, and McGonagall before Sirius even has time to change. The commentator is there too, but McGonagall shoos him off.
“Why the bloody hell do your robes say Lupin?” James demands to know as Lily spins Sirius around to read the name for herself.
Both Remus and Sirius are flushed bright scarlet.
“We, um, spelled them when they first came in. Though it would be funny, but we couldn’t undo it.” Sirius says weakly.
“Piffle,” says Peter, which is the closest the timid boy ever comes to swearing. “Remember when James tried to spell his? You guys were like swoosh-” He makes a dramatic motion with his wand and accidentally pokes Professor McGonagall- “Oops, sorry,” He says quietly and puts his wand away.
Sirius hides his face in Remus’s shoulder. “You tell ‘em Moony.” He mumbles.
“Well, over the summer-,” Remus begins, and he tells them the whole story, which admittedly isn’t very much to tell.
When he’s finished, everyone is gaping at them, except for McGonagall, who is merely smirking faintly.
“You- You- You got MARRIED,” James stutters out. His eyes are roughly the same size as his round glasses.
Remus and Sirius nod.
“And you took Remus’s last name,” Lily says. She’s sat down on a locker room bench.
Remus and Sirius nod.
“So the magic robes put Lupin because that’s Sirius’s name legally now,” Peter says. He looks like he might faint.
Remus and Sirius nod.
Professor McGonagall still doesn’t say anything.
“Did you know?” Remus finally asks her.
“I did,” She admits. “The list that I use to call attendance is Ministry issued. All of the teachers you have class with know, and Dumbledore.”
Remus remembered Potion's class last week when Professor Slughorn stumbled over Sirius’s name.
“Well now everyone knows,” Sirius sounds embarrassed.
“Now come on, my husband needs to change out of his quidditch robes,” Remus says, striding out of the locker rooms with a devilish smirk. His friends look just as flabbergasted at his attitude as by their big news.
Remus is definity going to milk this for all it’s worth. Sirius’s teasing attitude must have rubbed off on him.