Work Text:
Jaehyun is thirteen when he first sees the strings. They flicker in and out of sight in the beginning, but there is no denying their existence. Banded around his fingers in bright colors, two of the strings connect him to his parents, another spans between him and his best friend Minsoo, and the rest run off into the distance, too far away to see where they lead.
Two years later, he is scouted by SM Entertainment, and in the company’s practice rooms, he finds two more end points to his strings. Taeyong is older than him, quiet and serious, and the string between him and Jaehyun is pastel pink. Mark is younger and full of awkward energy. Their string is bright green. There are two other boys in their trainee group. Jaehyun doesn’t have strings with them, but he thinks he might someday, because there’s already an orange string running between Mark’s and Johnny’s fingers, even if Yuta isn’t connected to anyone yet.
The vocal coach at SM tells Jaehyun that he’s a baritone and that his voice shows a lot of promise. Jaehyun goes home and tells his parents about it. He tells Minsoo too, gushing to his best friend about being a trainee, the choreography he’s learning, and the new friends he’s making.
His friendships with Taeyong and Mark are instantly easy and natural, which doesn’t surprise Jaehyun because he can see the strings connecting them. He knows that they’re fated to be meaningful to each other in the years to come. It’s easy with Johnny too, especially after the American boy learns that Jaehyun knows English, though he’s admittedly quite rusty with it.
With Mark and Johnny’s help, he refreshes his memory of the language. Johnny even takes it upon himself to bestow Jaehyun with an English name. “You look like a Jeffrey,” he decides with a smirk.
“I do not!” protests Jaehyun.
It doesn’t stop Johnny from calling him Jeffrey at least three times a week, and despite Jaehyun’s grumbling, he comes to enjoy the teasing nickname. The proof comes in the form of a brand-new string looping from Jaehyun’s index finger to Johnny’s thumb. Its appearance makes Jaehyun grin—it’s the first new connection he’s received since he gained the ability to see the strings—and he tests it out during one of their group voice lessons, tugging sharply on the string and smothering a laugh when it makes Johnny’s hand jerk uncontrollably.
A month later, Taeyong fumbles his way through a basic Japanese greeting before one of their dance lessons, and although he butchers the pronunciation, it makes Yuta’s eyes light up. “I can help you with your Japanese,” Yuta tells him, “if you’re serious about learning.”
“I am. I would love that.” Taeyong beams, and Jaehyun sees a brick red string flare up between their fingers.
Their trainee group grows in 2013, and Jaehyun finds another two end points for strings he already has: royal blue links him to Doyoung and dusty pink to Jaemin. The fact that both of them have other pre-existing strings to Taeyong and Haechan, and Jeno and Ten respectively all but convinces Jaehyun that they will go on to debut together. Why else would they already be so interconnected?
He watches with interest as other strings appear between his friends, old and new, over the course of the year. Yuta and Mark. Jaemin and Haechan. Taeyong and Taeil. Sometimes, Jaehyun has difficulty focusing during dance practices, with so many distracting colors spreading out from everyone’s fingers in a tangled web. It seems like there are more connections every day. Doyoung and Jeno. Taeil and Hansol. Johnny and Ten. The colors flash bright and promising.
In 2014, Jaehyun finally gains a string with Yuta after the older boy spends an afternoon helping him with his chest isolations for dance. “Thanks, hyung,” says Jaehyun, smiling as he admires the peachy thread between their hands. It’s so pretty. It’s so meaningful.
Two days later, Yuta gets a second new string, this time with Hansol. Taeyong and Mark begin writing raps together and come out of it with a shiny new string. Jaemin starts referring to Jisung as his baby; a light purple string appears. Doyoung gets a string with Jisung too, and with Taeil, as the two of them spend more and more time practicing vocal techniques together. A vibrant red thread springs up between Mark and Jeno, deep teal between Taeyong and Ten.
Jaehyun likes to play with the strings sometimes, just to double-check that they’re real and not just a figment of his imagination. He pinches at the string between Taeyong and Doyoung, causing the other two boys to glance suddenly at each other. They can feel its pull, even if they can’t see the string connecting them. It makes him grin.
2015 brings three Chinese boys into their trainee group. One of them, Winwin, marks the fifth pre-existing string of Jaehyun’s that he has found through SM. In addition to their forest green connection, Winwin already has a string with Renjun, who, in turn, is linked to Mark and Jeno. It doesn’t take long for Renjun to gain a string with Kun too, who arrived already threaded to Ten.
There’s no way we’re not going to debut together. Jaehyun is sure of it. We’re already so bonded to each other.
Yuta helps Winwin navigate the struggles of being a foreigner in South Korea, resulting in a baby blue string flickering into existence between their hands. That year, Doyoung gains a string with Yuta too, then with Ten and Jaemin. Taeyong and Johnny finally get a string with each other, after nearly four years. Every string only serves to underscore Jaehyun’s conviction that they’ll end up in a group together.
Sometimes, though, he wonders about the strings and what they mean. Why are they different colors? Why are some more vivid than others?
“How do you feel about Ten?” he asks Johnny, one evening when the two of them are the last in the dance studio. He’s noticed the string between the two of them getting brighter in color recently, and he’s curious as to what it means.
Johnny freezes. Then he laughs, nervous. “We’re good friends,” he tells Jaehyun. “Mind your own business.”
Oh, thinks Jaehyun, because he knows what that means. He minds his own business, but he also keeps an eye on Johnny and Ten’s string.
It keeps getting more and more vibrant, almost blinding to look at, as the two of them fall closer and closer to each other, until suddenly it just disappears one day, and Johnny and Ten stop talking to each other. Oh, thinks Jaehyun, because he knows what that means too.
He doesn’t know why he’s able to see the strings. Maybe it’s because he was born on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s a gift from the gods. He isn’t sure if it’s a blessing or curse, because it hurts to know when the bond between people fades away.
As he’s gotten more serious about becoming an idol, putting more of his energy into rehearsals and voice lessons, and spending more of his free time with his fellow trainees, the string connecting him to Minsoo has begun flickering. In late 2015, their string disappears entirely. Unexpectedly, the loss makes Jaehyun cry. Ten finds him curled up in an empty practice room and wordlessly wraps an arm around him, letting him weep until he feels like he has no more tears left inside his body. The next morning, Jaehyun notices a new string, thin and golden and connecting him to Ten.
Jaehyun debuts in 2016, but not all of them do. His string with Johnny flickers into nothing, but he gains strings with Taeil and Jeno. After they finish promoting “The 7th Sense,” his thread to Doyoung loses some of its brightness, fading to a grayish blue. It makes Jaehyun feel guilty, especially when he sees the purple string on Taeyong’s left pinky that he knows leads to Doyoung is just as vivid as ever.
Am I not as close to Doyoung as Taeyong is? he wonders. Am I a bad friend? Anxious, he sends a message to Doyoung, and when he gets a reply, their string blinks brighter for a moment.
As 127 continues to promote together, the threads connecting them continue to grow in number. Taeyong and Winwin get a string that’s orange like the color of the sunset. Taeil receives strings with Yuta and Mark both, but his link to Hansol slowly fades out of existence.
It’s okay, Jaehyun tells himself, because he can still see Yuta’s string to Hansol. He tugs on it one day when they’re sitting in the kitchen of their dorm, watching with relief as it makes Yuta’s hand slip off the table. The idea of any of his friends losing their connections to each other bothers him deeply. It’s still okay.
When Johnny and Doyoung join 127, it sets off a flurry of new strings. After half a decade of friendship, Johnny and Yuta finally receive a string. Johnny also gets one with Doyoung, who, in turn, gains strings with Mark and Winwin. The thread between him and Jaehyun gets some of its color back too.
Three weeks into their stint as radio hosts together, Jaehyun sees his string with Johnny flicker back to life. It makes Jaehyun so happy that he forgets to worry about disappearing strings, until he returns to the dorm to find it swallowed with a quiet, angry sadness.
His eyes skim over Taeil and Haechan cuddled up to each other on the couch, Doyoung and Winwin with their heads bowed together in the kitchen, and Taeyong and Mark sitting in silence at the dining table, to find Yuta looking out the window with a furrowed brow. Jaehyun’s gaze drops to Yuta’s hands, and he quickly counts the threads around his fingers. He wishes he were surprised when Yuta bitterly announces, “Hansol told me he’s leaving SM.”
Their string is gone.
2017 is a hard year for so many reasons. Jaemin has to take a medical leave. In his absence, Jaehyun obsesses over his strings, checking almost every day to see if they’re still there. Jeno’s string to Jaemin, which has existed since before they met, seems fine, but Chenle’s fades away alarmingly fast. At least Renjun’s, Haechan’s, and Jisung’s strings to Jaemin still look just as bright, while Mark never even had one with him to lose.
The dynamics between the Dream members fall out of whack. Taeyong stresses over Mark and Haechan’s explosive fight, but Jaehyun doesn’t. The string that’s connected the two younger boys since 2015 shows no sign of disappearing. It’s just as vibrant as ever. “They’ll be fine,” he assures Taeyong. “Their friendship will survive.”
“How can you be sure?” asks Taeyong, frazzled and upset.
Jaehyun takes Taeyong’s hand in his, winding their pastel pink string around their fingers. It doesn’t matter that Taeyong can’t see it. Jaehyun knows it’s there. He smiles at Taeyong, says firmly, “Just trust me on this.”
Taeyong frowns but doesn’t argue. He leans his head against Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Okay,” he whispers. “I trust you.”
Jaehyun runs his fingers through Taeyong’s hair, savoring the touch, feeling the way the older boy relaxes into his hold. They breathe quietly together, and that’s how Doyoung finds them when he comes into the room that he shares with Jaehyun.
He doesn’t say anything, just comes up on Taeyong’s other side and wraps his arms around him in a silent hug.
Two days later, Doyoung switches rooms with Haechan after the maknae needles Mark into a vicious argument that leaves them both in tears. But their string is still bright, and when Jaehyun catches Taeyong’s eye, he mouths, It’s okay, I promise, and Taeyong manages to smile back at him.
Management pushes them to fuel the fans’ shipping fantasies, and it makes Jaehyun want to choke on bitter laughter. We’re supposed to believe that Taeil is in love with Winwin? They don’t even have a string. Jaehyun wonders idly what choices management would make if they could see the strings like he can. Maybe they’d pick a pair whose connection predated their meeting, like Taeil and Haechan—except of course, Haechan is still a little too young for that, isn’t he?
Maybe they’d pick me and Taeyong, he thinks. Then he thinks about the way Taeyong has been leaning on Doyoung for support recently. Or maybe they’d pick Doyoung and Taeyong.
The thought leaves a weird taste in his mouth. It feels almost like jealousy, except why on earth would Jaehyun be jealous of management hypothetically asking two of his friends to do fanservice? That wouldn’t make any sense at all. He should be thankful that he hasn’t been shoe-horned into such a vapid performance.
Jaemin returns from his medical leave in 2018. Jaehyun holds his breath as Dream rebalances. He watches Jaemin and Chenle’s string rethread itself, then he watches a new string flare up between Jaemin and Mark. It’s a relief to see.
Equally relieving is the way the big NCT 2018 promotion brings Ten, Kun, Jungwoo, and Lucas back into their circle. More strings burst into existence—a spider web of friendship and love that makes Jaehyun’s heart warm when he beholds it. He chases after his golden connection to Ten to find the Thai boy practicing with Taeyong.
Their teal string faded away sometime in late 2016, and Jaehyun waits with baited breath to see if it will return like Jaemin and Chenle’s did. They’re working together closely for their duet, and they seem to get along just as well as they always did, so he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t see it come back.
But he does see something else instead.
As Johnny and Ten relearn a tentative friendship with each other, Jaehyun watches with wonder as their string slowly flickers back into existence. It’s not as bright as it used to be, but there’s no denying that it’s back, soft and light and running between them once again.
Isn’t that just the most beautiful thing? thinks Jaehyun. There’s something deeply comforting about understanding that even whatever happened between Johnny and Ten can be recovered from.
Satisfied with that knowledge, Jaehyun wraps his royal blue string to Doyoung around his hand and goes to spend the afternoon cuddled up with the older boy until Taeyong finds them and needles them into helping him cook dinner for everyone to celebrate finishing recording for the big anthology album.
“The curse of being a good cook,” jokes Doyoung.
“Kun’s a good cook too, maybe even better than Doyoung-hyung,” Jaehyun points out, ignoring Doyoung’s disgruntled noise at the statement.
Taeyong laughs. “He was also supervising the dreamies in the kitchen all morning, so I think he deserves a break.”
Jaehyun can’t argue with that. He thinks of Jisung’s cooking skills, or lack thereof, and shudders.
At the end of the year, Winwin gets shifted from 127 to the new Chinese sub-unit, and Jaehyun finds himself returning to his old habits of counting strings. He is careful to keep in better contact with Winwin than he did with Johnny in 2016; their string loses some shine but it holds on. His string to Yuta stays strong too, but not so for everyone.
When Jaehyun sees Winwin’s strings to first Taeyong then Doyoung fade away, he reminds himself that Jaemin and Chenle’s string came back. Johnny and Ten’s string came back. Losing a connection doesn’t mean it’s forever. Relationships shift.
They have their first concert tour in 2019. Haechan misses the first leg of it due to a leg injury, but he’s so active in the group chat that it’s almost like he’s with them in person. Almost.
Luckily, it isn’t long before he rejoins them, bringing back to the group both his warm, familiar energy and his penchant for turning everything into a game. For their North American portion of the tour, he suggests they draw straws to determine hotel roommates.
Everyone is so overjoyed to have him back, healed and healthy, that they agree.
Jaehyun likes all his members, would be happy to room with any of them, but still he’s relieved when he ends up with Doyoung. They’ve always roomed together well, even if Jaehyun is perhaps a titch less organized than Doyoung would prefer. On a free afternoon, Jaehyun heads out to explore the city and would Doyoung like to come?
Doyoung waves him out with a smile, saying that he’d rather stay behind and catch up on some reading, but encourages him to have fun.
Jaehyun does. He bops around the city, checking out local bookshops and thrift stores and eventually finding himself in a cute little café not too far from their hotel. He orders their specialty drink and tucks himself away in a far corner of the café to scroll through social media on his phone.
The drink is chock full of caramel and chocolate swirls and Jaehyun just knows that Taeyong would love it, so when he finishes his, he buys a second one and heads back to the hotel to find Taeyong, following their pastel pink string through the hallway until he finds himself outside his own room.
Well, thinks Jaehyun. That’s convenient.
He keys into the room and then nearly drops the drink in shock.
“Jaehyun!” Doyoung cries out, embarrassed as he jerks the sheets of his bed up to his chin, trying in vain to stop Jaehyun from catching a glimpse of Taeyong’s bare ass and his own naked body.
“Are you fucking?” asks Jaehyun in disbelief. He takes in the scene before him. A profound sense of betrayal and anger and jealousy floods through him, and he has to close his eyes—not to block out the sight of Taeyong and Doyoung tangled up in each other, but because of the way his two strings to them have gone suddenly haywire, bursting with bright colors that he’s never seen before.
Taeyong peaks his head out from under the covers. His cheeks are flushed pink. “Ah, Jaehyunnie, we didn’t realize you were coming back so soon.”
“How long have you been fucking?” demands Jaehyun. I should’ve seen this coming, he thinks bitterly, except that Taeyong and Doyoung’s purple string has always been vivid. He never noticed any change to it, like he did when Johnny and Ten were doing whatever they were doing together.
“That’s really not any of your business,” says Doyoung coolly at the same time Taeyong replies, “A few months now.”
Jaehyun is floored. “A few months?” he repeats. Their strings have calmed down, but Jaehyun’s heart is still racing. “Were you ever going to tell the rest of the group?”
Doyoung’s brow furrows. “Why would we? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” He wraps his arm around Taeyong’s shoulders in a possessive manner that belies his words.
“Don’t be mad, Jaehyun-ah,” Taeyong begins in a soft voice.
“I’m not mad,” lies Jaehyun. He sets the drink down on the dresser with more force than is strictly necessary. “Here, I got you this because I thought you’d like it.”
Then he storms back out of the room, still trying to make sense of his own reaction to his newfound knowledge that Doyoung and Taeyong are involved with each other.
He takes refuge in Mark and Jungwoo’s room, distracting himself with their idle chatter until Doyoung shows up with rueful eyes and a mulish set to his jaw. “Jaehyunnie,” he says softly. “Can we talk?”
Like Jaehyun has ever been able to say no when Doyoung looks at him like that.
He obediently lets Doyoung lead him back to their room, and he isn’t sure if he’s relieved or not to see that Taeyong is no longer there.
“I’m sorry that you had to see that. Taeyongie and I should’ve been more careful,” says Doyoung. His voice drips with sincerity, and it makes Jaehyun sigh.
“I don’t care that I saw,” he says bluntly. “It just surprised me, is all, the fact that the two of you are… you know.” Call it a side effect of being able to seeing the strings connecting people, but he’s had almost a full decade of being used to always knowing more than he should about the relationships of everyone around him. Realizing that even with his gift, he still doesn’t know everything was something of a rude awakening.
And the fact that it was Taeyong and Doyoung was an especially hard pill to swallow. He’s always been so close with the two of them; they’ve been threaded together since before they met. Jaehyun’s always felt a little—dare he say it?—territorial over them. He hates being left out.
Perhaps it shows in his face because Doyoung’s next question is a carefully voiced, “Are you jealous?”
Jaehyun wants to immediately deny it, except—what if he is? “I don’t know,” he says after a long pause.
“Of me, or of Taeyong-hyung?”
Jaehyun keeps his gaze focused on the blue string between their hands. It flashes blindingly bright for a second, and Jaehyun wishes he knew what that meant. He jerks his hand, satisfied to see Doyoung’s hand follow the movement, instinctively moving closer to his. He contemplates linking their hands for a moment, then finally looks at Doyoung’s face. “I don’t know,” he says again. “Both of you are… special to me.”
“Special, huh?” There’s a fond amusement in Doyoung’s face. He leans in, deep into Jaehyun’s personal space.
“What are you doing?” If Jaehyun were a dog, his hackles would be raised right now, unsure what’s happening and defensive because of it.
Doyoung’s tongue peeks out from between his lips. “Taeyongie and I aren’t exclusive, you know.” His eyes drop meaningfully to Jaehyun’s mouth.
Jaehyun reels back as though burned. “I don’t want your pity!” he spits. “Don’t fucking come onto me unless you mean it!”
“So it is me then?” asks Doyoung triumphantly.
“It’s both of you!” Jaehyun shouts back.
The words hang in the air between them. Doyoung looks almost as surprised as Jaehyun feels. He hadn’t realized it, not exactly, until Doyoung had goaded the truth out of him. His string to Doyoung flashes again, and then his string that runs off to Taeyong, wherever he is, flashes too. As if refusing to be outdone, the string that he knows connects Doyoung to Taeyong flashes as well.
Jaehyun has always thought the colors were pretty, but all of a sudden, for the first time, he finds them ugly. “I don’t care,” he says sullenly. “I don’t care if you and Taeyong-hyung are… dating or just fucking, or whatever.” It’s a lie. He cares very deeply. “Just leave me out of it. I don’t want to be a toy in your… sex games or whatever. I’m not an ego boost.”
Doyoung blinks at him. “Oh.” His voice is frighteningly apologetic. “Oh, Jaehyunnie, I didn’t– I’m sorry if that’s how it came across. I would never–”
“You did.”
Doyoung’s nostrils flare. “Let me finish!” he snaps. “I wasn’t toying with you. It was a genuine offer.”
Jaehyun’s brain stops working. Without thinking, he chases that precious royal blue thread all the way up to grasp Doyoung’s hand in his. Their fingers twist together, tangling the string that only Jaehyun can see. “What exactly do you want from me?” he asks, desperate for something he doesn’t know how to put into words.
“Whatever you want to give me,” breathes Doyoung, and Jaehyun believes him.
He kisses him.
It’s the first time he’s ever kissed someone who he has a string with, and he feels it all through his body. Doyoung’s mouth is warm and inviting, pliant under his. It’s intoxicating. Jaehyun thinks he could live forever off the taste.
A distant part of his brain wonders if Taeyong’s kiss would be just as all-consuming. Would Taeyong press up close to him the way Doyoung is? Would he lick along Jaehyun’s lower lip too? Would he also make Jaehyun feel cared for? Jaehyun wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to know.
“How long have you wanted to kiss me?” Doyoung asks when they finally pull apart.
Forever, thinks Jaehyun. Not until a moment ago. Both answers are true somehow. “I don’t know, but I’m glad I did,” he tells Doyoung. “I really liked kissing you.”
Doyoung’s smile is breathtaking to behold. “I liked kissing you too.” He tucks a loose lock of Jaehyun’s hair behind his ear with a fondness in his light touch. “And do you want to know a secret? I think Taeyong-hyung would like kissing you too.”
The words settle hot inside of Jaehyun’s chest. “I wouldn’t want to be greedy,” he demurs.
“Do you think I’m greedy because I kissed you when I was just with Taeyong earlier?” asks Doyoung gently. When Jaehyun shakes his head, he continues, “You’re allowed to have this. Let yourself have it.”
Let myself have it, huh? Jaehyun muses. He never realized that he was holding himself back. “Okay,” he says to Doyoung. “I’ll let myself have it.”
Doyoung grins and kisses him again, his fingers curling into the hair at the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. It feels just as possessive as the way he wrapped his arm around Taeyong earlier. Jaehyun burns with satisfaction.
And later, when Taeyong comes tiptoeing back to their room just before they go to bed, Jaehyun kisses him too and feels that satisfaction bloom into full-throated happiness inside of him.