Work Text:
"Has anyone ever told you that you need to work on your sense of humor?" was not, quite, the sort of response one hoped for when one had proposed marriage.
On the other hand, Roy supposed it wouldn't be Edward if it was easy. Easy was for other people.
He leaned back in his chair a bit, trying to project an air of indifference. He told himself it wasn't even an air: getting married to Edward would be a total pain and a huge annoyance and the spectacular sex wouldn't make up for any of that, assuming there'd even be any.
"I assure you, I'm perfectly serious," he said.
Edward eyed him with a level of suspicion that was either offensive or hurtful and then asked, "Why?", his tone suggesting Roy's answer had better be good or else.
"Tax reasons mostly," Roy said, throwing in a relaxed, easy smile for effect.
If the effect he'd wanted was for Edward to look at once flabbergasted and furious, Roy would have congratulated himself on his overwhelming success. "Tax reasons," Edward repeated.
Roy shrugged. "Life in Central is expensive. You may not be aware of this, but I can assure you it's true. Having a fiscal partner would save me a considerable sum in taxes." Edward's expression was unconvinced; Roy made himself smile a bit, as if embarrassed. "Not the most romantic of reasons, I'll grant you, but I think it's best to be honest in these matters."
"Honest," Edward said. "Yes. I very much appreciate your honesty, Colonel."
"Is that a 'yes'?" Roy asked, smiling in a way Riza had assured him was pretty much guaranteed to make people's blood boil. It was always a great hit during tricky negotiations and/or evaluations.
Edward sniffed. "Do I look like an idiot?"
"I'd rather not answer that. There's such a thing as too much honesty, after all," Roy said, smiling again. He felt fairly sure that by the end of this conversation, he'd either no longer have an office thanks to Edward burning it down, or have succeeded in pulling this off after all and end up gaining a ... well.
The greater the risk, the greater the reward, as they said, never mind Edward's petite stature.
Edward groaned and dropped himself into the one comfortable chair Roy kept around for visitors he didn't want to leave as soon as possible. "What are you up to?"
"So suspicious." Roy spread his hands in a gesture that had never yet managed to placate the likes of Edward. "Must I be up to anything? Anything more nefarious than a desire to save some money, that is?"
"Yes!" Edward said. "Anyway, I'm not buying it, so you can knock it off now. Was there anything else, or did you only want me to show up here so you could insult my intelligence?"
"Would it help if I confessed to being madly and passionately in love with you?" Roy asked.
If anything, that got Edward to look at him with even more suspicion. Had Roy's feelings, in fact, been of a romantic nature, he very well might have felt a bit hurt. "You're not," Edward said, then yawned. "So how about you tell me what's really going on? Or not; all the same to me."
Roy considered for all of two seconds, then shrugged. "Politics."
"Ugh. Definitely don't tell me what's really going on then," Edward said. "I hate politics."
"Be that as it may," Roy said. "I've given you three sensible, excellent reasons. Perhaps you might do me the courtesy of a motivated reply."
"Don't see why I should, really," Edward said. "But fine, here's one: I don't especially like you."
Roy shrugged. "You travel a lot. I don't see the problem in signing your name to a piece of paper."
"Well, if we're not going to be spending any time together, I don't see the point. Ask someone else. Anyone else. I'm sure there's loads," Edward said, pausing before he added, "Don't ask Al, though."
"I assure you, my intentions in regards to your brother are entirely honorable and platonic," Roy said, making a mental note to perhaps have a frank and mostly honest conversation with Al at some point in time, just to be on the safe side.
"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe your intentions towards me aren't, is that it?"
For a few moments, Roy allowed himself the fantasy of having Edward bent over his (very sturdy) desk. Or, heck, of Edward having him; it wasn't as if Roy couldn't be flexible about such things.
"Correct me if I'm wrong," he said, "but weren't you just expressing a desire for us to spend more time together? I did make dinner plans for this evening, as it happens," he added, "but I'd be happy to cancel them."
"Oh, so you're willing to ditch your date for me, how nice. I'm touched," Edward said, sounding anything but. "Let me think about that for a bit. Nah."
Roy shrugged. "If you're not willing to put in some effort of your own, you're probably right in saying this relationship isn't going to work out. Ah well. Back to the drawing board I guess."
"Hey! I never said that I wasn't - stop twisting my words!" Edward's expression had gone from 'furious' to 'furious with a side helping of very annoyed'. "You know what, I'm here for at least another two days, so why don't we have dinner tomorrow evening? I'll have to quit my research early, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. How's that for putting in some effort, huh?"
"Very well." Roy smiled. "It's a date. Thank you."
Edward - was that a blush? Roy decided it was more likely an angry flush. Edward made it look good, though; no doubt about that. "Whatever. You're the one wanting a tax advantage so you're the one paying. And I'm picking the restaurant. Nothing too fancy."
"Of course." Roy told himself to stop smiling: he'd gotten what he wanted, so there really was no need. "I look forward to it."
Edward glowered. "Just because we're having dinner, that doesn't mean we're getting married."
Then again, it was hard not to smile when Edward made it so easy. "Of course not."