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Despite the fact that he is confident enough to be able to survive in this apocalypse scenes because he has followed Three Ways to Survive The Apocalypse for 10 years and has knowledges about this new world, he is still haunted by his past.
Despite the fact that he read Three Ways to Survive The Apocalypse to continue his living, he still remember the pain from that 10 years of living too.
The memory of a room full of blood and knife in his hand,
The memory of sneaking in the middle of the night for foods but only got slaps,
The memory of being tortured by those bullies in the storage room or an empty classroom,
The memory of got snickered by seniors at work because of his uncompetent skills,
And another memories that left nothing but blue bruises that had gone through years and pain in his heart.
Despite that he looks fine outside; in front of his companions, but when he's alone, god only knows what's in his mind.
To be honest, sometimes, he feels so tired of living in this life. But when the world turned upside down, he tried his best not to die for his life and death companion. But that doesn't mean he isn't tired. He is tired. Tired of everything.
He knows that he is a person who is pessimistic. And he hates it. He hates himself.
Kim Dokja was just a coward person. a pessimist. a good for nothing.
But maybe, there is one person who can embrace him to the safest place in this life. A person who could make him feels nothing but loved.
"Kim Dokja."
Speak of the devil, if they say.
Kim Dokja didn't look back and still looking at the Industrial Complex below him, letting the man approaches him and sit beside him.
After the man settled comfortably besides him, Kim Dokja looked at the man. "What brings you here, Joonghyuk-ah?"
Yoo Joonghyuk keeps quiet, feeling that Kim Dokja question is not that important to be answered. Kim Dokja just shrugged and looking back at the scenery.
His mind started to think about what happened in the last scenario the company and him had accomplished. It was a hidden scenario where each person needs to go through a mental torturing, where each person should fight amongst the feeling of being at their lowest state or in other words, showed an illusion about what kind of despair that they're afraid the most so it corrupted one's mind. Kim Dokja knew that he would be fine since he has Fourth Wall with him, a skill he had that is very useful for this kind of situation. But what he didn't know was, Fourth Wall was shaking so badly because it couldn't hold Kim Dokja's psychological state that much, not when his traumas are beyond help. The Fourth Wall almost turned itself off if Kim Dokja wasn't woken up by Yoo Joonghyuk's call.
Kim Dokja never thought that that was the hardest fight all of his life. He remembered the feeling where he's at his lowest state. And now, he is shaking again by only thinking about it.
"Kim Dokja? Kim Dokja! open your eyes!"
Kim Dokja opened his eyes and found that he is panting as if it is hard to breathe, as if all the air inside his lungs are gone and instead filled by water. Yet he also found obsidian marbles look so worried stared deeply at him.
"Sorry...I was lost in my thought." Kim Dokja tried to breathe normally as he unconsciously leaning onto the shoulder in front of him.
Yoo Joonghyuk, as if knows what Kim Dokja was thinking about, starts to frown. He didn't really know what was Kim Dokja passed through all of his life to be shaken by it. But one thing he knows so well is that, Kim Dokja needs to know that he is all loved, that he is important, precious for certain people. Including him.
When the first time Yoo Joonghyuk saw this man, he didn't trust this person at all, thought that he was just an ordinary salaryman with a foul mouth. But the second time he saw this man was in front of his eyesight surrounded by Chungmuro's brats and waved his hand towards him, and when this man helped him in the Theatre Dungeon said things so detailed about his past regressions, he believes that this person is special. So he accepted Kim Dokja as his companion.
Kim Dokja knows him so well yet Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't know anything about Kim Dokja. He wants to know the reason behind Kim Dokja always sacrifice his own life because he knew that it was unusual. There must be a reason behind it. He thinks that Kim Dokja's behavior might be because what happened to Kim Dokja in his early life that he doesn't know. But seeing Kim Dokja looked so much in pain in his eyes when he's alone, he feels like he knows how much it hurts. Because at the same time, it also pained him.
So he thinks that, Kim Dokja should be loved.
He tries his best to let Kim Dokja knows how he loves him. He knows that sometimes he is cruel and ignorant, but he wanted Kim Dokja knows that he is also care about him.
Yoo Joonghyuk starts to pull Kim Dokja into his embrace. He did nothing but let Kim Dokja knows that he is not alone, that he is loved, and taken care of.
"Kim Dokja."
Kim Dokja turned his head into Yoo Joonghyuk's neck. Yoo Joonghyuk could feel Kim Dokja's steady breathe there. "Yes, Joonghyuk-ah?"
"Let's go home and sleep. It is past 2am," Kim Dokja said nothing but chuckled.
Kim Dokja really said nothing. So Yoo Joonghyuk added, "You can sleep in my bed."
Yoo Joonghyuk could feel Kim Dokja smiles in his neck. The latter is now circling his hands around Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder. "With you?"
Yoo Joonghyuk tried to hold his smile as to keep his emotionless face and looked like he didn't really agree with Kim Dokja. But contrary with his expression, what he said instead was, "Yes."
"Okay." Kim Dokja tighten his hands in Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder.
They were in that position for minutes before getting up and intertwined their hands, walking to their current house.
If what Kim Dokja hates is nothing but himself, then all the things Yoo Joonghyuk loves is only Kim Dokja.