Chapter Text
Sterling doesn’t speak for the rest of the night, apart from giving her statement to the police. Blair screams and causes a scene in the station when told she can’t go in with Sterling to do so. The officers eventually have to agree to let her sit directly outside the door, Sterling wishing they didn’t though because she can hear Blair sobbing quietly to herself for the entire interview.
Sterling keeps her statements measured and factual.
When they finally get home, Sterling releases Blair’s hand that she has held with a white knuckled grip for the entire drive and goes straight to her bedroom without a word, jimmying the door locked.
In an almost robotic manner, Sterling takes all of her clothes off and attempts to shove them down into her tiny bin sitting next to her desk before pulling on underwear and an old lacrosse hoodie she stole from Blair weeks ago.
Sterling stares numbly at the ceiling, laying flat on her bed, her hands resting on her abdomen, and listens to her twin-now-cousin let out all of her rage onto her parents-now-aunt-and-uncle just downstairs.
She ignores the gentle knock on her door and quiet voice that accompanies it that comes when Blair has later cooled down.
It seems like time doesn’t exist, the night has gone on for so long already. But when the Wesley house finally does go silent, Sterling’s not-so-close relatives letting sleep overcome them, she finally lets her tears start to fall and her mind begin to race.
She plays the car ride, the trailer park, and Dana’s words over and over again in her head.
She sees Dana’s eyes staring at her, wild and unpredictable.
She can smell the cigarette smoke in the trailer bathroom and taste the fabric gag in her mouth.
The sensations are so clear and real it makes Sterling roll onto her side to cough so harshly she gags into her pillow.
Her breathing has picked up drastically now and she starts clawing at the fabric over her chest, feeling too hot and too cold all at once.
Her skin feels sticky with sweat and her head has started to pound.
When she looks at her hands gripping her hoodie, she sees so clearly Dana’s lime green nail polish.
Sterling bolts upright and rushes to her desk bin again, frantically pulling the clothes out before vomiting into it.
Sterling’s screaming and aching mind is only pulled from her racing thoughts when she realizes something is making a loud tapping sound in her room.
She sucks in a few heaving breaths, looking around in the dark, waiting for the sound to come again.
It does and now Sterling sees that it’s accompanied by a small, dark shape hitting her window.
She swallows, slowly standing, and walks towards it, quietly sliding the window open and leaning out.
The cool night air is a nice snap into reality but nothing knocks her more into the present moment than the image of April Stevens, still in her pajamas and pale pink zip up hoodie from the lock-in, crouched down and picking up rocks from her garden.
“What are you doing?” Sterling whisper-yells. It’s the first sound she’s made since her statement at the station and her voice is scratchy and her breath frankly is killer.
April’s head immediately shoots up to look at Sterling before she gestures largely at the backdoor.
Sterling chews her bottom lip in thought before nodding, whispering again, “give me a minute.”
Sterling silently slips into her and Blair’s bathroom. She makes a very deliberate choice to not acknowledge her own reflection, actively avoiding looking at it as she washes her mouth out, then slides on a pair of shorts before creeping downstairs. When she opens the backdoor, Sterling’s surprised to see April standing there looking almost as disheveled as her.
A deep frown plasters itself onto Sterling’s face now though and she quickly steps forward, giving April a harsh shove to her chest.
“Hey!” April whisper-yells, rubbing her chest as she stumbles back a few steps.
Sterling sucks in a breath before harshly grabbing the other girls wrist and pulling her out of the yard and onto the street.
“What is your problem? Why are you here?” Sterling asks harshly, speaking louder now yet still in hushed tones.
Sterling can clearly see she’s shocked April by the way her eyebrows raise and her mouth hangs open. April takes in a breath to compose herself, looking side to side at their surroundings before saying,
“Can we talk in my car? So we can actually speak?” April clicks her keys and headlights blink a few houses up. Sterling looks in the direction and suddenly the thought of getting in the passenger seat of a car makes her feel like she might throw up all over again.
“No,” she says firmly, clearing her burning throat, “no cars.”
April stares at her for a moment, eyebrows coming together as she examines.
“What’s going on with you? Is everything okay-“
“What’s going on with you, April?” Sterling interjects, her rising voice causing April to wince. Sterling purses her lips tightly and looks down, balling up her fists.
“If you had have just...” she sighs, letting that thought go. “Why are you here?”
April looks down too now, fingers playing with her the strings of her hood.
“I can’t be here anymore,” she says quietly.
Sterling frowns and lifts her gaze to look at her. “Then go,” she shakes her head, “I don’t know why you would come here just to-“
“Not here,” April interrupts, “I mean... here. This school. This city. This... god awful fucking red state...”
Sterling watches the movement of her hands become more aggressive until she sighs and drops them, finally meeting Sterling’s gaze.
“I couldn’t sleep. I’m laying there in a room full of people who would torment me if they knew that you make my heart race, not Luke. I didn’t want to let myself think about it but once the thought was there I couldn’t get rid of it. I felt like I had to scream or cry or...” she sighs, “run. And I couldn’t even go home because that’s just another four walls full of people who would hate me if they really knew me - people who lie to me...” April takes in a shaky breath and rolls her eyes at herself. “And I know it sounds manic but I just can’t stay here right now and... and I couldn’t leave without you.”
Sterling’s pursed lips press up into a small pout as she finally begins to cry again.
“April,” she whines quietly, “I can’t be here either.”
April‘s taken by surprise by this but quickly recovers, nodding her head. “O-okay,” she glances at her car, “let’s go then. I don’t know... where but let’s just.. let’s just-“
“Go,” Sterling finishes for her, nodding.
“But I drive,” she reaches her hand out, palm up. April chooses not to question it and hands over the keys before the two hustle into April’s car and leave the street of the Wesley household.