Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

armanatee added jaegerbomb , m.ackerman , sashie.boi as well as 15 others to Untitled Chat. 

armanatee: hey everyone! i wanted to start this group chat for all of us in since it's the start of the new year and we are all floormates! there are some people who are new and some who have gone to Trost for a while, so i thought we could all help each other through this! 

jaeger.bomb: school is a scam by the government to make broken souls… none of us are free. this gc makes us all pawns in the system. 

leonhart9: ffs just end it already 

sashie.boi: AYOOO JSJKSKSJKSJKSJKSJSK???

conn.boi: mhm thats great and all now who’s gonna stop jean from sending dick pics here

jean.boi: WTF BRO

armanatee: ...i knew this would happen too. 

sashie.boi: nahhhh cus you already know he will- 

jean.boi: oh my god did you guys know you SUCK 

jaeger.bomb: no i agree w sasha ur going to 

jean.boi: who let the homicidal bitch in here? 

sashie.boi: HOMICIDAL PLS

conn.boi: JEAN NO 

jaegerbomb: tf does that even mean horse looking bitch

Jean.boi: HORSE- MF YOU LOOK LIKE THE KID WHO DRINKS MTN DEW AND PISSES IN THE CANS

sashie.boi: greasy mf

conn.boi: it smells sour like funky 🤢

doxmeidareyou: you could make a candle w all the wax in ur hair musty 

jaeger.bomb: STFU FRECKLE BITCH

doxmeidareyou: YOU CANT SAY THAT

jaeger.bomb: WHY TF NOT YOURE BEING A PRICK

doxmeidareyou: ITS PRIDE

doxmeidareyou: YOU FUCKING MINECRAFT CUSSING TODDLER

conn.boi: PLS WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN- 

sashie.boi: SHE GETS A PASS EREN LET HER BE

jaeger.bomb: OH FFS I CAN JUST SAY IM GAY AND GET AWAY WITH IT? 

sashie.boi: yall its his coming out post 

sashie.boi: so proud eren 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈

connie.boi: MY HOMIE CONGRATS EREN 🥺🎉

jaeger.bomb: what does that mean 

jean.boi: what? 

jaeger.bomb: the rainbow 

jaeger.bomb: is it jojo siwa or smth 

sashie.boi: no

sashie.boi: no because whos gonna tell him because i am NOT KEEPING IT TOGETHER RN- 

conn.boi: AHFHSJKAKK I CANT BREAHT EREN UR JOKING PLS SAY UR JOKING- 

jaeger.bomb: no??? what is it no ones telling me 

jaeger.bomb: is this a prank like last time u guys tried to convince me we had a student named candice 

conn.boi: MF THAT WAS OUR BEST WORK 

jean.boi: no dumbass its a real thing 

jaeger.bomb: then what is it horse dick

jean.boi: thats a compliment so thanks

jaeger.bomb: no

jaeger.bomb: wait

jaeger.bomb: FUCK

sashie.boi: noice jeanie

armanatee: eren its the flag for the LGBTQ+ community! 

jaeger.bomb: wtf are all those letters

jaeger.bomb: like scrabble? 

sashie.boi: MOTHER FUCKER NO-

jean.boi: im punching this mf istg 

conn.boi: world star 🥶

doxmeidareyou: oh my fucking god 

doxmeidareyou: this fucking ass clenching mouth breather

jaeger.bomb: huh

 doxmeidareyou: lesbian. gay. bisexual. transgender. queer. and more. 

jaeger.bomb: ohhhhh

jaeger.bomb: ...well now im embarrassed

jean.boi: MF HOW WOULD YOU NOT BE EMBARRASSED- 

jaeger.bomb: I DIDNT KNOW ASSHOLE I GET A PASS

sashie.boi: everyone knows this tho???? u just dense??? 

jaeger.bomb: IM NOT DENSE 

marcofthecentury: sorry i dont know anyone here… who doesn’t know the pride flag? 

jaeger.bomb: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

conn.boi: yo who’s this 

sashie.boi: hi marcofthecentury and welcome to whatever tf this is from hell 

marcofthecentury: my name is marco! im new to Trost Boarding School and i start with the rest of you tomorrow! 

armanatee: i met marco at a meet and greet for the new kids since im an ambassador! 

jean.boi: sup marco 

hissy:): hi marco! im historia 

marcofthecentury: hi historia! 

doxmeidareyou: and im ymir

marcofthecentury: hi ymir!! 

doxmeidareyou: you lay a finger on historia and im not responsible for what happens 

marcofthecentury: ohhhh you’re the lesbian

armoured.ready: hello historia 

hissy:): hi reiner! 

doxmeidareyou: jake paul looking mf get out of here 

armoured.ready: what did i ever do? 

glambussy: please reiner take a few steps back and think about your choices

glambussy: but not too hard… ik thinking can be difficult for u <3 

marlowe.s: HITCH DONT BE RUDE

glambussy: BB U NEVER LET ME LIVE 

jaeger.bomb: lesbians are cool and shit but srsly did we have summer assignments

birdsandbees: ...better late than never! 

jaeger.bomb: STFU BARTHOLEMEW 

conn.boi: NAH THATS A NEW ONE- 

sashie.boi: BARTH- PLS BERTHY WE’RE SORRY (we arent) 

birdsandbees: ive done nothing ever

m.ackerman: we had to read gastby

shashie.boi: yo is that a cracker or something? 

jean.boi: this is why you almost got held back a grade 

m.ackerman: the great gatsby 

jaeger.bomb: not ringing a bell 

m.ackerman: scott fitzgerald 

sashie.boi: bestie this isnt blues clues be more specific

m.ackerman: mr. smith sent MULTIPLE emails

sashie.boi: SHIT THE ESSAY?? 

jaeger.bomb: DAWG WE HAD AN ESSAY- 

armanatee: eren we had three months! you told me you did it :( 

jaeger.bomb: GATSBY I THOUGHT U MEANT THE SHOW 

leonhart9: theres no show called gatsby

jaeger.bomb: well then wtf did i watch 

m.ackerman: smh ill print a copy of mine and bring it tomorrow 

sashie.boi: TYYYYY MIKASA ILY

jaeger.bomb: thanks meeks

m.ackerman: you both owe me $50 

jaeger.bomb: WHAT 

sashie.boi: a menace. the devil. a scoundrel is what you are. 

m.ackerman: a scoundrel who’s gonna help you pass geometry this year thank you very much 

jean.boi: where’d that marco kid go i miss him 

conn.boi: same my mans said hi saw this abortion and dipped

marcofthecentury: hey sorry ik i dont know you guys that well but um… im having a problem right now? i dont  really have a ride to school tmrw so uh if someone could maye give me a lift on the way? if not thats ok too! i can walk lol 

sashie.boi: walk?? 

conn.boi: dude no its like… in the middle of NO WHERE man

marcofthecentury: ion wanna be like a bother or anything lol 

jean.boi: smh connie sasha and i will pick you up send me ur addy 

conn.boi: ayo??? 

sashie.boi: oh ok :D just like that :D 

marcofthecentury: oh are you sure? i can walk its fine

jean.boi: no its not dummy from the looks of ur address u live too far. i live near u tho so i can pick u up 

conn.boi: dont put him through it jean

jean.boi: through what baldie 

sashie.boi: you KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING SWINE

jaeger.bomb: im agreeing w ur minion looking asses here horsey 

jean.boi: OH DID YOU HEAR THAT??? THE SOUND OF SOMEONE ASKING FOR A LITTLE BITCHES OPINION??? ,,,, YEAH ME NEITHER

marcofthecentury: im confused

sashie.boi: oh marco its awful 

sashie.boi: imagine this- its a beautiful day, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, drinking your dunkin… 

conn.boi: i TOLD you we arent getting dunkin tmrw its too early

sashie.boi: with your DUNKIN in HAND, pulling up to the school… 

jean.boi: dont you FUCKING dare

sashie.boi: in a BEETLE 

conn.boi: LE GASP 

jean.boi: disrespectful little shits 

marcofthecentury: a beetle?? 

conn.boi: ik i cant believe it either

m.ackerman: interesting

jean.boi: "interesting" TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN 

m.ackerman: you never pegged me as the ‘beetle’ type

sashie.boi: ill peg u any time- 

m.ackerman: respectfully no thanks

doxmeidareyou: hey thats my line 

jean.boi: its a 2012 TURBO ACTUALLY CHECK YOUR FUCKING FACTS

jean.boi: T U R B O

conn.boi: turbo deez nuts 

sashie.boi: GODDAMNIT THAT WAS PERFECT

marcofthefuture: so you guys can take me? 

jean.boi: yeah ofc the more the merrier or something no problem

conn.boi: excited to meet u marco polo

sashie.boi: yeah cant wait!!

sashie.boi: ...we still getting dunkin tho? 

jean.boi: NO

sashie.boi: what the FUCK WHY

sashie.boi: im NOT going into ackermans class without it pls

jean.boi: because you come out of ur house fifteen minutes late every time we leave and WE’RE ALWAYS LATE ENOUGH AS IT IS 

sashie.boi: hate crime

jean.boi: ...what

sashie.boi: i said HATE CRIME

armanatee: okkkkk im glad u guys are having fun w the chat but like i said- FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TOMORROW!! we’ve all have our dorm assignments in check im assuming yes? everyone get a good nights rest tonight and ill see you all tomorrow! 

jaeger.bomb: night armin. night everyone

hissy:): goodnight everyone!! 😴❤️ ❤️ 

sashie.boi: ...so thats still a no to dunkin

armanatee: SASHA.

Chapter Text

[three musty tears] 

conn.boi changed their User to bald.spot 

bald.spot: im a new man, ladies and gents 

jean.boi: WOW

jean.boi: the UTTER BETRAYAL 

sashie.boi: WE HAD A THING GOING ON WHAT IS THIS SHIT

bald.spot: new year new me baby

jean.boi: im so pissed rn

jean.boi: i cant even- 

jean.boi: theres nothing left for me AH

sashie.boi: i☹️need😡you to😨calm down 🥶

jean.boi: NONO I CANT- 

bald.spot: CAN YALL STFU P L E A S E

jean.boi: CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK AND WE'LL TALK

bald.spot: NO 

sashie.boi: WHYD YOU DO IT CONNIE

sashie.boi: WHAT HAPPENED TO LIFE LONG FRIENDSHIP

bald.spot: I CHANGED MY NAME WTF I DIDNT CHEAT ON YALL OR ANYTHING

jean.boi: do you hear something, sasha? 

bald.spot: WHAT

sashie.boi: whatever do you mean, dear jean? 

bald.spot: YOU GUYS SUCK

jean.boi: sorry i recently got diagnosed w something that only lets me hear people who have cool users

sashie.boi: same what a coincidence. if only connie were here right now.... 

bald.spot: YOU BOTH CANT LIVE WITH THE SAME USERNAMES FOR THE REST OF UR LIVES

sashie.boi: and you cant live with the same height for the rest of ur life 

jean.boi: YOUVE BEEN THE SAME HEIGHT AS MR. ACKERMAN SINCE SEVENTH GRADE PLS- 

bald.spot: FIVE. FUCKING. TWO. IM NOT THAT SHORT

sashie.boi: omg short king small cinnamon roll 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

jean.boi: must protect uwu

bald.spot: JEAN WHERE TF ARE YOU

bald.spot: DID YOU LEAVE ME W NO RIDE JUST BECAUSE OF THE USERNAME

bald.spot: CUS DEADASS ILL CHANGE IT BACK IF IT MEANS NOT BEING LATE

bald.spot: HORSE PRICK WHERE ARE YOU

sashie.boi: shhhh jean dont tell him we're pulling into his driveway

bald.spot: GIVE ME FIVE SECONDS TO GET MY SHIT

jean.boi: idk it means he might change his name

bald.spot: ARENT YOU DRIVING????? 

jean.boi: CHANGE THE NAME 

bald.spot: SUCK IT

sashie.boi: FUCKING HURRY UP 

sashie.boi: THE LINE FOR DUNKIN WILL ONLY GROW LONGER

sashie.boi: AND WE ALL KNOW MY PATIENCE IS AS NONEXISTENT AS YOUR HAIRLINE

bald.spot: SINCE WHEN DID WE AGREE ON DUNKIN I THOUGHT IT WAS OUT OF THE WAY

jean.boi: marco said he wanted dunkin so we're getting it 

bald.spot: OH OK

bald.spot: SO WE'RE SWITCHING UP NOW

bald.spot: JUST LIKE THAT

jean.boi: im doing something nice for a new friend 

sashie.boi: oh my god

sashie.boi: stfu

jean.boi: e\EXCUSE ME

sashie.boi: NO SHUSH

sashie.boi: CONNIE YOU KNOW WHY IM TELLING HIM TO SHUSH RIGHT

jean.boi: I WILL NOT BE SILENCED

bald.spot: ...no but i DO know that i lost my right shoe so give me a min to come out- 

jean.boi: marco says to hurry tf up

bald.spot: MARCOS /WITH/ YOU????

sashie.boi: no he didnt and yes he is we're driving him there but YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS IS RIGHT

bald.spot: RIGHT SHOE. GONE. INTO THE ABYSS. 

sashie.boi: ITS MIKASA ALL OVER AGAIN 

jean.boi: WHAT

bald.spot: ...wait

bald.spot: OH MY GOD YOU'RE RIGHT

jean.boi: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

jean.boi: AND PIGTALE DONT TALK AB THE MIKASA THING WHEN MARCO IS LITERALLY BEHIND YOU

sasha.boi: SEE YOU DONT WANT ME TALKING AB HER NEAR MARCO

sasha.boi: AND WHY LADIES AND GENTS? 

jean.boi: STFU PLS OR NO DUNKIN FOR YOU

sasha.boi: IM TAKING THAT RISK

bald.spot: BECAUSE IT I S MIKASA ALL OVER AGAIN

jean.boi: you are both parisites

jean.boi: EXPLAIN CITE YOUR SOURCES

sasha.boi: the moment you met mikasa in fifth grade you offered to ride your bike to school with her the next day

sashie.boi: then in eighth grade you dated

bald.spot: that was embarrassing tbh

sashie.boi: and you scrolled through her insta the night she made an account

sashie.boi: then liked all her posts

jean.boi: ok

jean.boi: BUT WHAT DOES INSTA HAVE TO DO W THIS

jean.boi: i dont even know marcos insta so

jean.boi: lock em up judge this case is closed

sashie.boi: OBJECTION

sashie.boi shared (1) screenshot

sashie.boi: EXPLAIN THIS TO THE COURT 

jean.boi: you fucking stalker

sashie.boi: hypocrite

bald.spot: WHAT

bald.spot: lemme move my bang so i can see that CORRECTLY- 

bald.spot: jean. 

jean.boi: mmmmm i cant hear you

bald.spot: look at me

jean.boi: i can only see people above 5'4- 

bald.spot: SHUT THE FUCK UP JEAN AND LOOK AT ME

bald.spot: look me in the eyes

bald.spot: and tell me you didnt like his posts :) 

jean.boi: um

jean.boi: i didnt like his posts

bald.spot: good! great! im satisfied! 

jean.boi: ...but unrelated news did you guys know he went to a catholic school before coming to trost crazy huh

bald.spot: JEAN

sashie.boi: HES JUST A LIIIINE WITHOUT A HOOOOK

jean.boi: DONT START W RICKY MONTGOMERY

jean.boi: MARCOS A DUDE

sashie.boi: oh my god

sashie.boi: that changes sooooooo much. 

bald.spot: its almost as if you can like dudes

bald.spot: AND girls 

bald.spot: crazy world we live in

jean.boi: NO LIKE its fine to be gay and shit just

jean.boi: im not yknow? 

sashie.boi: we'll talk about this later bb

sashie.boi: flat ass get down here i need my donut or im gonna get HANGRY

jean.boi: marco may be laughing but please connie get here i cant handle sasha's smeagle voice when she gets hungry

sashie.boi: smeagle want donut >:) 

jean.boi: HELP MARCO WONT STOP LAUGHING AND SHE WONT SHUT UP 

sashie.boi: smeagle eat your soul jeanie :) 

jean.boi: CONNIE PLEASE

bald.spot: HAH MY SHOE WAS IN THE OVEN

jean.boi: HUH???

bald.spot: DONT ASK THE POINT IS IM OMW

[Untitled Chat] 

armanatee renamed "Untitled Chat" "Class of Trost" 

armanatee: did everyone get their dorm assignments right? did you all get your roommates in check? 

glambussy: im with my girl annie rn <3 girlie and i are gonna have soooo much fun! 

leonhart9: cant wait. thanks armin. 

armanatee: well, i dont have a say in roommates, but im glad you guys are getting along! 

jaeger.bomb: great

jaeger.bomb: then you can tell me who tf put me w braun 

armored.ready: WHAT

armored.ready: do we have a problem? 

jaeger.bomb: nah im just messing w u ur cool dude

armored.ready: oh ok

jaeger.bomb: i thought i was gonna get armin for some reason though

m.ackerman: of course you did

armanatee: ??? 

jaeger.bomb > m.ackerman

jaeger.bomb: i will choke you with that scarf

m.ackerman: smh

[Class of Trost] 

armanatee: im with bertholdt, actually

birdsandbees: oh really? cool!

armanatee: yeah! when i moved my stuff in yesterday i didnt see anyone else's so i thought i was alone but its cool we're roommates! 

sashie.boi: YOU ALL SUCK I WIN AT LIFE

glambussy: ok but who asked babes

bald.spot: i highly doubt that

jaeger.bomb: yo i dig the new name

bald.spot: @jean.boi why THANK you

jean.boi: erens opinions dont count we talked about this

jaeger.bomb: suck my dick

sashie.boi: IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME

jean.boi: mmmmmm yeah <3

sashie.boi: MIKASA IS MY ROOMMATE FUCK YEAH

m.ackerman: so thats why there was the mini fridge in my room...

sashie.boi: MIKASA KNOWS HOW TO COOK I WIN

bald.spot: oh my god

jean.boi: its almost as if we dont have a kitchen genius

sashie.boi: stfu

sashie.boi: stfu RIGHT NOW

birdsandbees: no ones talking- 

sashie.boi: I SAID SHUSH BART

leonhart9: bart-

sashie.boi: WE HAVE A KITCHEN??!?!?!?!

bald.spot: she didnt notice the school opened a new pool but finally recognizes that sophomores get a kitchen

m.ackerman: shes something special

sashie.boi: WE'RE NOT TALKING AB MY IQ RN WHY IN THE EARTHS ASSHOLE DID NO ONE TELL ME WE HAD A KITCHEN 

bald.spot: because you'd act like THIS 

armanatee: thats right! all sophomores get their own kitchens! and because we're all sharing a building, we get to share with just each other instead by the entire grade! thats why i made the gc! 

jaeger.bomb: so you didnt know who was rooming with who but you knew we were all sharing a building?? 

armanatee: shhhhhhhh

armored.ready: wait so sophomores are separated into groups and placed into different dormitory buildings? 

bald.spot: no

bald.spot: theyre separated by deez nuts

jean.boi: ba dum ch

marcofthecentury: nice one connie

jean.boi: WHEN DID U GET HERE

sashie.boi: HEY MARCOOOOO

sashie.boi: everyone this kids an angel dont be mean to him

sashie.boi: yes this message is to eren

jaeger.bomb: i dont even know a marcus

marcofthecentury: ...marco

jaeger.bomb: ??? polo ???

m.ackerman: i swear to god

marcofthecentury: smh ANYWAYS jean and i are roommates!

marcofthecentury: weird of me to find out from all the soccer trophies appearing in my room

bald.spot: OH

sashie.boi: OH IS HE NOW

bald.spot: HOW SWELL 

sashie.boi: SPLENDID 

jean.boi: i will ring both of your necks

jaeger.bomb: *wring dumbass

jean.boi: oh i know fucking JAEGER BOMB isnt correcting me rn

jaeger.bomb: STFU REINER SAID IT WAS A COOL ASS NAME

jaeger.bomb: RIGHT

jaeger.bomb: REINER WHY ARENT YOU ANSWERING

armored.ready: its a... creative name

armanatee: i like it! 

jaeger.bomb: i hate you all

armanatee: BUT I SAID I LIKED IT WTF

jaeger.bomb: I SAID I HATE YOU ALL

m.ackerman: no you dont. 

sashie.boi:  MIKASAAAAAA

m.ackerman: i said no

sashie.boi: I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANYTHING WHAT >:( 

marcofthecentury: oh dear, what did she do now

m.ackerman: she wants to go to the grocery store to make a feast for tonight

sashie.boi: WHATS WRONG WITH THAT

jean.boi: if this is another one of your "deep fried turkey" dinner ideas im getting mcdonalds

sashie.boi: STFU THE EDIBLES WERE KICKING IN IT SOUNDED GOOD AT THE TIME

bald.spot: catch me getting that BTS meal  

leonhart9: all of a sudden im a stan 

armanatee: the schools already putting together a dinner for all the students tonight since its the first day back- dont worry sasha, we'll throw a feast another time! 

sashie.boi: istg if they have that "frog eye salad" shit like last year i WILL be rioting

doxmeidareyou: WHAT??? nah that shit was so good youre trippin

sashie.boi: WHO PUTS PASTA WITH WHIPPED CREAM HUH

bald.spot: I KNOW THE BITCH WHO PUT CELERY IN NUTELLA AINT TALKING

m.ackerman: you do what now sasha

jaeger.bomb: now thats trippin even for me

sashie.boi: i was EXPERIMENTING

sashie.boi: ...still tasted bomb af tho

m.ackerman: im betting you $100 right now it didnt 

sashie.boi: WANNA TRY SOME IF WE GO GROCERY SHOPPING

m.ackerman: put her back in her cage please 

sashie.boi: WHAT

m.ackerman: corner. now. 

sashie.boi: HARRASSMENT ONG

bald.spot: good

sashie.boi: HUH????

jean.boi: AYO WTF CONNIE

bald.spot: NO I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

bald.spot: yALL KNOW I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I

jean.boi: no one is listening to you baldie

jaeger.bomb: run while you can little boy

bald.spot: "little boy" CREEPY MF GET AWAY EW 🤺🤺

doxmeidareyou: does absolutely no one care that my roommate is historia

jaeger.bomb: nope. 

m.ackerman: dont be rude asshole

doxmeidareyou: wow during PRIDE TOO

jaeger.bomb: IM NOT BEING RUDE I SAID GAYS WERE COOL GOOD FOR U GUYS

doxmeidareyou: im going to have a long talk w u later jaeger

jaeger.bomb: HWAT TF DID I DO?!?!?

hissy:): dont scare him too much ymir... he has a lot to figure out

jean.boi: dont we all

jaeger.bomb: especially you

jean.boi: tf does that mean

jaeger.bomb: im not talking to you horse dick

jean.boi: STOP WITH THAT AND YES YOU WERE

sashie.boi: bestie im w eren on this one

jean.boi:  HUH

jean.boi: yall are WEIRD