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It was 2AM and sleep seemed far off. He rolled over his bed, once and twice but to no avail. Therefore, with nothing to do and just thoughts, he reached out to his favourite plushie: a monster that reminded him of his boyfriend. Cute, carved into the other's boy skateboard. A little monster. It hadn’t been long since he got the little boy for him; truly, they were just starting out, but the memories since the character appeared in their favourite activity were endless.
He pulled the boy towards his chest and hugged. He snuggled his nose into the white fur and dreamed. It was him, he was right here; they were cuddling. He tried to remember: the warmth, the smell, the weight, the other's arm around his waist, their cold feet tangling under the covers. The comfort.
He couldn't sleep.
With the plushie still held tight in between his arms, he turned around and accepted defeat. He has been avoiding looking at his phone or just thinking at all. He needed to sleep or get distracted. Something. But it was futile. He grabbed the phone from his nightstand and swiped swiftly through the apps. He couldn't help clicking on their messages.
Langa had texted him good morning hours before. Reki replied with good night, almost like a joke. Then he received a picture of a well made breakfast. Reki's boyfriend had become an extraordinary chef. He missed their shared food, although not as much as the cook himself. It might have not been easy to admit that last part every time; though, not that he lied about it either.
Then, when the clock hit 12AM in Japan, the other had sent him to sleep. "Good night <3," it said. He didn't want to go to sleep yet. He wanted to stay awake, to be with him; but he couldn't say no to the other boy. He didn't need to worry him like that.
He missed him. He missed Langa so much.
He wanted to type something, to see the other boy online. He wanted to ask for a picture. Or a voice note. Or better yet, a call. He wanted to melt in his voice. Or the idea that perhaps he wasn't as far away as it felt most of the time.
But he was supposed to be asleep.
Instead, he went to their shared gallery. Pictures. Some videos of famous skateboarders they both admired. A photo of his own hair appearing on the camera. No face, just his silly hair. Then the traffic. The last song he recommended. A photo of a new skateboard he had been making. Miya with a street cat. Another photo of a maple leaf. And then another video.
It was filmed from the bottom of the snowy mountain, you could see a lot of people sliding down. Mid all of them, one skater was highlighted. Incredibly fast, he went through a slope. Then, it was flying, like he belonged to the sky like any other of the snowflakes falling around. Finally, the figure landed and you could hear cheers clap for him.
The video wasn't professionally filmed, it was taken by Langa's mother after all, but it never failed to take his breath away. Langa was beautiful and so capable, at any time or moment he could just fly away. See the world from a point of view very few had ever experienced. Langa was so special.
He felt his chest tightened and beating, alive. His dried throat and his tingling lips. God, he wanted to be there. He wanted to be the one who took the video and cheered at the end. Louder than ever. He wanted to shout the other's name. He wanted to see it in real life.
He swiped left to the video taken right before the one he just saw. It was Langa's full face. His cheeks and nose were bright red, lips chapped and he wore the same black warm outfit.
"Reki!" The video started. Langa's voice was better than warm tea. "I'm already at the snowboarding center, still in the lobby cabin though." He moved around to show the wooden place. "In a bit I'm going up." He could see his boyfriend relax his muscles as he sighed. "I can't wait." He chuckled and looked away as if he was actually talking to him and not the camera on a device. "I haven't snowboarded since we moved to Japan."
He looked past the camera to someone behind and nodded. The camera shifted around, making anyone think the recorder had forgotten he was still on film. Then, after a pause, Langa was there again.
"I'm going up." He was walking as he talked to his phone. Langa was basically jumping as he moved forward. "It's been long since I've felt this hyped to snowboard." He flashed a big smile, but despite it, he added bordering melancholy, "it would be good if you were here..."
His boyfriend looked at the ground, and then up again. "I'll leave the phone with my mom; you better look at me, okay?" By the way the other's eyes looked at the camera, Reki felt if he was there, Langa would have done the usual dab they always do, comb his hair, and kiss him. He didn't, obviously; instead, the boy filming said one last thing. And the video ended.
The blood ran to his face and he couldn't help tightening his grip around the white monster. Shame didn't stop him as he repeated the last bit again. And again.
"I love you, Reki."
Next, he swiped back and he repeated the jump. Butterflies flew all over his belly as he rewatched, his body weightning both heavy and light at the same time. He missed him, he wanted to kiss and hug and cuddle and never let go.
Suddenly, when he was about to close off, a message appear in a banner.
"Online?"
He clicked instictively and regretted it immediately. Another message popped up.
"Reki?"
"What are you doing awake?"
Even when he didn't want to worry the other, there was no way he was going to lie to his boyfriend now that he got caught. Might as well enjoy it.
"i couldn't sleep xd"
He replied simply.
":|"
"Isn’t it 3AM over there?"
"yep"
"Is there something bothering you?"
"Why can't you sleep"
"????"
"You are usually a log, ngl"
"i mean—"
"yeah, i cant debate that last part www"
Reki grinned slightly. Whenever Langa was around, sleeping was easy. He would hug the other, snuggle close, and everything would fall into place. It was almost pathetic how much he needed the other now that it had become second nature. If his mom knew her 18 year old son still needed to hug a tiny plushie to find sleep, she would call him a kid. But he didn't blame himself, because it was Langa we were talking about.
"(LOL),"
"Yeah, you are cute asleep"
"You should be looking cute right now, sleeping !!!!!!!"
No, it wasn't pathetic, he was just embarrased.
"a dude calling another dude cute?"
":/?"
":|"
"Reki,"
"We are dating"
"ik"
Langa sent a photo of his face. Deadpanned.
"wwwwwww"
"just kidding~"
Only after replying unapologetically did he actually click on the new photo. He felt sparks of joy as he admired it. Langa's hair was tight back in a half up. Ever since it grew more than expected, he just did that all the time. Perhaps he knew the power that style had on the other boy. Regardless of the funny expression on his face, it was ridiculous just how handsome his boyfriend was. Very handsome.
Langa responded.
"Oh"
"(LOL)"
"Anyways,,,"
"Why can't you sleep again?"
Reki sighed and instinctively sank his nose further into the white fur.
"i dont know, i just,"
"i miss you"
He felt slightly impatient to see the other's response. Thankfully, it came quickly, it was reassuring.
"I miss you too"
"I miss you a lot, babe"
"I wish you were here with me"
He beamed a bit at those words.
"me too"
"cuddling to sleep with you is nice"
"but you are not here :/"
"its your fault, i cant sleep without you anymore!!!"
He wanted Langa to complain it wasn't his fault. He thought he would. What came next surprised him.
“:>"
"Got it, it's my fault"
"Don't worry, in a week I'll be back and I'll take care of you, okay?"
Reki felt himself flush bright red at the screen. It was the only good thing about texting and not videocalling. Langa would tease him about it if not. Calling him tomato.
"..."
"a boy taking care of another boy??"
":////"
"..."
"wwwwwwww"
"And here I'm trying to cheer you up ;;;;;;;;;"
Reki smiled.
"you are"
"you are cheering me up"
He felt the word that he wanted to say on his tongue. He wrote it, and then he changed it. But then he wrote it again. Finally, sent.
"thank u, babe"
The reply came fast.
"Bab—"
"Wow"
"You really do miss me"
Reki chuckled by himself, and his smile might have been brighter than the screen on his face. It was worth it.
"i wont ask you to elaborate what you mean wwwwww"
"yeah, i miss you a fuck ton, youve got a prob with that?"
"mmm"
"not really"
"but you should go sleep, not miss me"
He wetted his lips as he accommodated the grip on his device, still smiling but confused.
"i dont know how to feel abt what u just said"
"wwwww"
"Oh?"
"I'm taking care of you even when we are far away~"
"That's what it means"
His boyfriend was so caring, he could die. He didn't know how he got so lucky. He was dating Langa, the handsome, talented and caring man. Reki didn't know how to compensate for all that back, he wanted to scream how much the other boy deserved the whole universe as well. Yet, this time, he let himself be pampered a little.
";;;;"
"thank u;;"
"^^"
"How can I help you sleep?"
Reki had an idea; although, he didn't know if it would actually be helpful to sleep necessarily. Was it worth it, though? Clearly. Asking felt cringey and embarrassing, but he trusted Langa enough not to mock him with an ill intent.
"I want to hear your voice"
"Do you mind?"
In that instant, he got an incoming call.
"Hey," Langa's voice was husky and warm.
"Langa," Reki said back in a whisper.
He was floating in his bed.
"I'm using earphones, can you hear me alright?"
It was quite distant, but it was there and it was Langa's. That's all he needed.
"Yeah," he breathed out. "It's nice."
Langa giggled slightly at the other end of the call. "Nice? What's with that?"
"Uh," Reki rolled in his bed, but the white monster stayed under his chin. "Just the usual, you know?"
"Hm..." the humming came deep from his boyfriend's throat. Very nice. "It seems you like listening to my voice. Is this helping you?"
"Well, it is very relaxing." Reki admitted, although he left a lot of what he felt unsaid.
Langa laughed softly, "you are weird."
"You are loud." Reki pinched the monster's cheeks, wishing it was actually Langa there. His boyfriend didn't need to know that small action.
"I'm sure Miya and the others would think you are the louder one, but okay," Langa teased.
Reki pinched the little plushie harder. "Whatever, aren't you supposed to be helping me sleep?"
Langa snickered. "Right. How can I help you, then?"
"Hm, I don't know, maybe if you keep speaking?" Reki just wanted to keep hearing Langa's voice. It was usually Reki the one who carried the conversations, but it wouldn't be bad for a change, right?
"About what?"
"Just tell me anything, like what are you doing?"
"Eh...," his boyfriend stumbled in his speech. "Nothing much. Just came back from shopping with my mom. I bought things to bring back to Japan."
"You did?" His voice peaked up a higher note, although he tried to keep quiet in the middle of the night.
"Hm."
Reki caressed the monster's head as he rushed to respond. "Did you buy me anything?"
"Hm... I'm not so sure about that," Langa snickered.
"Are you playing with me, Langa?" Reki deadpanned, and the little cracks of giggles in the line transformed into a full blown laugh. "Oi."
"Just kidding, just kidding." Langa sounded as if he was trying very hard to calm himself. But Reki just interrupted.
"Then? Did you?"
"Of course I bought you something!" Langa complained, but Reki knew it was playful.
"What is it?" Reki questioned, instead of addressing the slightly angered undertone.
Langa sneered. "You'll see."
Reki covered his widening smile with the monster. "Is it a surprise?" He loved surprises, especially ones that involved giving him something.
"You could say so." Langa sounded smug. Reki could have lost himself in that tone.
"I'll take you up on that offer then." He kept rubbing the white fur with his fingers. "I can't wait to see the present you'll bring me in a few days."
"So formal..." Langa pointed out.
"What? Should I not be?"
"I mean," Langa dragged the words out, "I'm not saying you shouldn't, I'm just saying it's weird."
"How should I address you then?" Reki coerced him. He was just teasing, honestly.
"Just be informal, like usual;" Langa said, but then he muttered very, very distant, "maybe call me babe, and stuff."
Not what he expected. "That's what you want? I didn't know you were into those things. You are usually the one who calls me the pet names." Reki laughed as he looked at the monster's face in the darkness to distract him from the idea. "Or could I have awoken something in you when I texted it?"
"I just said it wouldn't be bad, that's all." On the phone, there was the sound of fabric moving. Maybe Langa moved towards another couch, or his bed. He didn't know for sure; what he did know, however, was how shy his boyfriend actually was. It was cute, overbearing and contagiously so.
"Be honest, Langa! If you want me to call you like that, I can do it!" Reki faked ease as he hugged the plushie really tight, at any moment it could explode.
"Okay," his boyfriend sighed, "I won't force you, though. Just do it if you feel like it."
"Of course." Reki closed his eyes, detensed the grip on the poor monster and breathed deeply into the plushie's head. "Langa."
He tried and failed.
"Yes?"
Reki breathed in and out; he couldn't do it and gave up. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep."
"Why? Is it not working?"
Rather than not working, Reki wanted to correct that now talking to him was, in fact, having the opposite effect. He rolled awkwardly in the bed with the plushie still in a hug multiple times, but stated somewhat stable. "I'm wide awake."
"Oh, hm. That's bad, Reki."
"Uh, yep." The boy in question became fervely aware that he hadn't heard his name come out in such a way from Langa's mouth in a long time. "Maybe we should try something else?"
"Hm..., then, what do you usually do to sleep so easily?"
Reki fidgeted on his bed remembering. He would grab the other boy's shirt slightly, as to let the other know to get closer. They would end up hugging naturally. Langa's heart would end up right on his ear, steady and comforting, and all the while, his boyfriend would usually start playing with Reki's hair as they rested, saying it was messy and amusingly spikey.
He tossed all those embarrassing thoughts out the window. "I don't know."
Langa sighed and mumbled. "Oh, love..."
The pet name came so suddenly it hit like a sugar overdose. It was absurd how giddy and warm he felt in the pit of his stomach. Nothing seemed like good enough of an explanation in comparison to the rage of emotions fighting inside him.
"You, you should stop with that; it, it isn’t helping."
"Stop?" Langa sounded genuinely concerned. "What do you mean?"
"You, you know—, that!" Reki found himself stammering. He started to play with one of the captive plushie's arms. "I can't calm down, what should I do?"
"Oh, are you anxious?"
"No—, I mean, ugh, It's not exactly like that, but similar?" Reki exasperated. " I guess. I don't even know."
Langa hummed tranquil in comparison. "Maybe eat something? When I eat I always feel more content."
Reki rolled his eyes, "that's only you, dumbass. Eating is not supposed to calm you down."
"Really?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Reki's voice perhaps was a little too loud, exacerbated by Langa's usual way of thinking.
"Hm, then," Langa paused, "why don't you go skateboarding?"
Reki had to proccess what he had been told before echoing. "You want me to skateboard at 3AM?"
"You haven't done that before? It's fun."
"That's not the point!" The screen turned back on suddenly, so he got to see Langa's profile icon lighting as he (mildly) shouted. He exhaled. "The point is I'm supposed to go to sleep, not get myself riled up with adrenaline."
"Well, maybe you cannot sleep because you have a lot of energy unused? Skateboarding could help you beat that off." Langa said matter of factly.
"That's—," Reki was about to defend himself, but then he found himself frowning pathetically at the cropped photo of Langa's skateboard. "Well, that's actually a good point."
"See?" Langa sounded more proud than he should have been for that.
"I still won't go skateboarding after getting into bed, though."
Reki heard something, or most possibly someone, flop on a mattress.
"Hm, you are not cooperating at all, baby."
In his bed, the boy almost dropped his phone, turning the screen off. He didn't think being called a literal baby would have an effect on him like that. Reki held the fluff ball monster tight again, thinking it could get inside his ribcage along with his fast beating heart.
"Maybe because your recommendations suck." He said carelessly and rather harshly, holding the stammering as best as he could.
"Oh..." Silence followed and then quietly, "I'm sorry."
"Eh?" Instantaneously upon catching onto the sad voice, Reki's internal turmoil slowed down. He held a strand of the monster's hair and caressed unconsciously. "Why are you apologizing?"
"I want to help you sleep, but I don't know what to do."
If it wasn't because it was dark and invisible in his room, Reki would have switched to video call instantly, wishing to see Langa's pouting face. Perhaps a little sadistic and cruel, but it wasn't like he didn't care about his boyfriend. He just thought the other was cute then. He missed seeing that.
"It's okay, Langa. Don't mind it, okay?" Reki chuckled softly. "I'm still happy I heard your voice."
"Sure?"
"Yeah," Reki played with the plushie's nose. He wanted to comfort the other, reassure him properly. He closed his eyes and tried again. "I'm sure, babe."
He could hear the other holding his breath as the silence reigned.
Calling him out loud didn't feel as embarrassing as he expected; on the contrary, it was nice. Truth be told, Reki thought it was cute. Langa, pouting, Langa, flushing; Langa, happy, teased, perplexed for and by him, no other. His boyfriend was there, living all those emotions like him at the other end of the line. At the thought, his muscles relaxed, and the monster's fur caressed his cheek softly. He viewed himself melting into it.
"Langa." Reki whispered softly to the phone as he kept eyes shut.
"Yes?"
"Love you."
It came out barely decodable, like a blur; but it impressed Langa all the same. He took a moment, but the response eventually came.
"I love you too."
Langa waited impatiently, bent uncomfortably in the hotel's bed. He looked again and again at Reki's gleeful picture.
"Reki?" He asked after what felt like an infinity waiting. Yet, nothing, so he called once more. "Babe? Are you th—"
A big loud snore interrupted him, catching Langa off guard. The smartphone slipped flying off his hands almost comically, but he luckily caught it before it dropped. Another snore.
Langa smiled and stayed appreciating his boyfriend's sounds of sleep. He didn't want to leave him.
He positioned himself in bed and grabbed an extra cushion left. Then, hugged it close, and smiled into the pillow as he tried to muster up the courage to call their connection off.
"Good night, baby."
The next day, Reki would wake up to a dead-battery phone.