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Jonghyun didn’t know how to feel.
He didn’t think his first birthday in Seoul would feel so wrong. He’d mostly gotten over his homesickness now after all. Of course, he still missed his parents and his sisters a lot, but it was no longer a crippling, suffocating pain when he thought of them not being around. It was more… a feeling of wrong, a feeling of forgotten something, then a slight jab of a pin in his chest when he realised what that feeling was.
He hadn’t told the other four it was his birthday. He knew what they were like, they’d make a big deal out of it and want to do something massive. He didn’t want to make them feel like they had to, so he didn’t say anything to them at all about it. Of course, they had to know he had a birthday, he just… had neglected to mention when. It wasn’t like it mattered. They all had work and other things to be getting on with instead of just celebrating another year of Jonghyun’s life passing in front of his eyes.
When he’d woken that morning, it had been to a few missed texts. One from each of his parents, one from each of his sisters, and one from Minhyun, saying that he was going to work and to let him know if he wanted anything brought back. Jonghyun had pondered it for a second, thinking of the beautiful cakes the cafe made, but ultimately decided against it and told Minhyun he was okay and didn’t need anything. Maybe suddenly asking for cake would be suspicious? He could always just get himself a cupcake from the convenience store if he felt like celebrating a little more later in the night. Minhyun wasn’t going to be back until late, Mingi was going to be at work all day himself and would probably be exhausted by the time he got back, Dongho was planning on staying at the studio late working on a song for some up and coming group Jonghyun didn’t remember the name of, and Aaron was on the other side of the country on a business trip.
He could have a phone call with his sisters later, but he knew it wouldn’t be his favourite birthday ever.
He didn’t know why it was affecting him so bad either. It’s not like his family had been ripped away from him by some tragic accident and he was never going to see them again. It had been Jonghyun’s decision to leave.
But he didn’t think he’d get a stab of grief every time he thought of his first birthday in Seoul, so far away from his family.
Maybe his birthday was best spent sulking alone anyway. He didn’t want to bring the others down when they didn’t even know what was wrong, and he couldn’t exactly tell them either, because that was the point in the first place. He didn’t want it to be a big deal, he didn’t want them to feel obligated to drop everything and celebrate just a random day.
Jonghyun let out a sigh as he threw himself back on his bed, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes in an vain attempt to make the odd ache there disappear. Why did he feel like he was about to burst into tears?
It was his own fault, it was his own decision to not tell the others, it was his own decision to leave his hometown. He shouldn’t be crying about it.
He could hear people in the hallway outside his apartment, more voices than just his boyfriends, but there were too many for him to properly pick out. It was never as easy as people thought it was to pick up on who was around just by their voice anyway, but when they were all melding together and were making an active effort to keep quiet? It was much harder. He wasn’t even sure his boyfriends were part of the people outside, they were probably just people from other floors who had made a pitstop for whatever reason, decided to wander through the hallways of floors they didn’t live on.
The voices soon died down, and Jonghyun was once again left in the silence of his apartment. He should do something, like listen to music or an audiobook, watch a show that made him feel good or even just get his paints or tablet out and work on a piece. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just wanted to lie here, on his bed, in his own self pity until the clock ticked over to midnight on June 9th, and it was no longer his birthday. His lonely, lonely birthday, with all of his partners working, and his family across the country.
When Jonghyun’s phone vibrated, he let the automated voice read out to him.
“Are you home? From, Minhyunie” it told him, emotionless but factual. Voicing out his reply that he indeed was, only a minute or two passed before Minhyun was telling him to go over.
“I’m alright for today, Minhyunie, thank you though.” He replied, taking advantage of his dictation feature on his phone. But apparently, Minhyun wasn’t having any of his arguments, and it seemed like he wasn’t getting his wish to lie in self pity and ignore the world.
“Come over, or I’ll come over there and drag you over myself. From, Minhyunie.”
Huffing a small laugh from his nose, Jonghyun pulled himself off the bed and left the apartment, taking the familiar yet short route over to Minhyun’s place. He wasn’t expecting the other to be back home yet, it should have been another few hours before he finished his shift at the cafe, so he wasn’t entirely sure that anyone was there to meet him at all.
And apparently, they weren’t, because when Jonghyun knocked against the door with the back of his knuckles, he was met with silence. No movement inside the apartment, no-one coming to greet him and inviting him in, no voice yelling at him to let himself in… just silence. Aaron had told him several times to just let himself in to any of their apartments, especially if he’d been invited around and they knew he was coming, but Jonghyun was yet to feel quite comfortable enough to do that. Quite part of them enough to just force his way in to their space.
Knocking again, only to still receive no response, Jonghyun was about to turn around and head back to his own apartment, probably cuss Minhyun out over text for making him waste his energy on his birthday no less. He could have at least told him to wait 10 minutes before going over if he wasn’t quite back yet. But then a spike of anxiety in his chest snapped him out of light anger. What if something was wrong? What if Minhyun had gotten hurt in the few minutes it had taken him to go over and that was why he wasn’t replying?
No-one else would be home after all, no-one would be there to help him if Minhyun was hurt.
So he took hold of the handle, and pushed the door open.
“Minhyun? You okay?” He called into the dark apartment, before the lights suddenly switched on and his vision was filled with colour.
And far more bodies than just Minhyun.
“Happy birthday Jonghyunie!”
Immediately, tears swelled in his eyes, and unlike before, he wasn’t able to rub them away fast enough.
He could see eight figures before him, cramped in Minhyun’s tiny apartment.
He could recognise all four of his boyfriends, wearing stupid, brightly coloured birthday hats, the one in the front, Aaron he was pretty sure, holding something that seemed a little heavy to be comfortable with a bright, flickering flame on top. A cake.
But beside his boyfriends, he could see four figures he hadn’t seen in far too long.
His mom. His dad. Both of his sisters.
Everyone was there.
“G-guys?” Jonghyun tried to voice his confusion, tried to ask what the hell was going on, but the sob that rose in his chest cut him off before he could really get the words out.
“Can you get emotional after you blow the candle out? I need to put this down before I drop it and set the whole block on fire.” Aaron’s words were unamused, but his tone didn’t match that. His tone was almost as emotional as Jonghyun felt, as if this was affecting him just as much.
With shaking steps, Jonghyun walked towards the cake, and blew out the single candle.
Immediately, the cake disappeared from sight, and instead he found himself with an armful of family. Both of his sisters had thrown themselves on him in a hug, and he couldn’t help but grip hold of them just as tightly, swallowing down the tears as best he could but without any success. When his shoulders shook, they both just held on tighter, causing the sobs to break free.
“Noonas, I missed you.”
“We missed you too, Jonghyunie. You’re so stupid!”
Jonghyun choked on the startled laugh that escaped him, as he tried to pull away to look at them with annoyance at the insult, but their grip didn’t loosen enough for him to be successful.
Eventually, the two let go, and Jonghyun didn’t hesitate going over to his parents and hugging both of them too.
“What are you all doing here?”
“Aaron picked us up,” His mother stated, and Jonghyun could hear the smile on her lips. “Drove all the way to get us and bring us here for your birthday. He’ll be taking us back tomorrow too. He’s a very sweet young man you know.”
Jonghyun choked on another laugh. “I know. Aaron-hyung, thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Aaron sounded close to tears himself, so Jonghyun assumed that he really meant to not mention it. Not if Aaron wanted to try and keep hold of his dignity and not be a blubbering mess like Jonghyun was over seeing his family again.
“Yah, Jonghyunie, why didn’t you tell us?” Mingi sounded accusing as he tried to scold him, but all his words did was confuse Jonghyun.
“Huh?”
“You didn’t tell us it was your birthday! Dongho found out from your sister messaging him, telling him your favourite cake just in case he didn’t already know. You didn’t tell us!”
“O-oh,” Jonghyun blushed a little, lowering his gaze and trying to hide in his father’s hug. “Sorry. I didn’t want to pull you all away from work.”
“Well, luckily,” Dongho continued, masking Mingi’s irritated rambles with his own voice. “We found out with long enough for us to all book it off work and arrange this. Your first birthday with us is a big deal! You shouldn’t hide it.”
“So did you like your present?” Mingi immediately cut off anything else that Dongho seemed to want to say, but he couldn’t see if the other was annoyed by it. If anything, Dongho just let out a fond scoff in response.
“I did, thank you.” Jonghyun responded while holding his parents tighter. Only a moment later, he felt weight at his back, his sisters once again clinging on to him. Even with his four boyfriends not hanging on to him, he could feel their affection to from where they watched. He felt surrounded by love.
“It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
“Cool, cool, cool…” Mingi said, although he seemed distracted. “So…” Jonghyun waited with baited breath, waiting for something that would shatter his heart, destroy his good mood, ruin such a good day. “When can I get a slice of that cake?”