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He stared blankly at the wall of his room, time was nonexistent in his mind, he just wanted to disappear just a moment of calmness inside his mind, he just wanted a break from being the perfect Jedi, he wanted to feel something and not just beliving the force would take it away.
why do I even exist when I have brought so much pain to everyone around me, why do I even keep trying to be better when I'm always the second option, why do I even-
"Obi-Wan" Anakin's voice cut through his train of thoughts
"Oh, Anakin I didn't notice you there. how are you" he tried to reply as calmy as his closed-up throat let him.
"Master, you are shaking, please talk to me" Anakin stared at him, with a gaze of nonexisting judgment only concern, he slowly approached him as not trying to spook him. Obi-Wan stared back at him not believing the concern in his lover's eyes.
Why does he look at me like I matter, why does he think I matter, I have always been the second option, why does he care if I am alright is pointless I am expendable, he should worry about-
Obi-Wan felt a wave of questioning concern through his bond with Anakin, when he focused his sight again he saw a pair of blue eyes searching his own for an answer, then he felt a pair of tentative hands setting on his hips. "Obi-Wan, let's sit down," Anakin asked while gently guiding his former master to the bed, Obi-Wan followed along just craving the feeling of something even though his mind stilled screamed at him that he did not deserve it.
Anakin gingerly sat on the bed putting Obi-Wan's back to his chest to ground him and hopefully stop his shaking. "Obi-Wan, love, breath with me, just follow mine, please" Anakin tried to sound calm even though he was panicking, his calm, collect lover was breaking down right before him and he couldn't help him because Obi-Wan's shields were like a metal fortress. Anakin gently held him waiting for his breathing to calm down but to his already stressed mind his Obi's breathing wasn't calming down, he was just like before or even worse. "Obi-Wan, is this alright? Do you want me to let go?".
Obi-Wan slowly shook his head, the fact that his mind told him he didn't deserve it doesn't mean he is strong enough to actually pull away. Anakin just held him, he didn't know what to say to not upset Obi-Wan further, but also, he didn't want to make him feel like he was doing it to get it done, so he resolved to squeeze Obi-Wan from time to time.
What am I doing I am just wasting his time why is he still with me when I'm just broken pieces, he should leave me he-
Obi-Wan shut his eyes and held a whimper if he let his thoughts wander, he would probably never recover he took a big gulp of breath and focused on Anakin's body heat, warm against his back; the scent of the standard softener the temple had mixed with metal rust that was probably one of Anakin's lasted projects, he noticed he was being held tighter from time to time and decided to lean into the touch.
Some time passed, probably half an hour or so of just of him resting on Anakin. his mind started to clear up a little he didn't feel ready to talk but, Anakin needed an explanation. "Anakin" Obi-Wan trying and failing to look at his eyes, damn why does my voice sound so soft, he reprimanded himself, why couldn't he talk louder, like when he was commanding his troops, "Yes, love?" Anakin said looking down and searching for his eyes, Obi-Wan couldn't meet his gaze he felt too ashamed. "Do you need something? am I overwhelming you?" Anakin asked worryingly, he never stopped looking at him, the last thing he wanted was to make him uncomfortable. Obi-wan gathers courage and meets his eyes, Anakin's intense, blue eyes were looking at him with concern but with the same or more amount of love Obi-Wan breath got caught in his throat, he still couldn't understand how Anakin could look at him like that, even when he didn't deserve it, he felt his eyes watering more, but he wouldn't allow himself to cry he needed to explain to Anakin "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to burden you with this" He looked away, he couldn't talk about his feeling while looking at Anakin, "I don't, I don't know what happened, I-" his voice cracked, shit, he wouldn't cry, he couldn't cry, he was already to pathetic.
"Obi-Wan" Anakin's voice was calm, even though he was panicking more every second if he panicked he couldn't help Obi-Wan and that was the only objective he had in his mind at the moment. "You don't have to explain yourself, you don't have to apologize, it's okay not to be okay sometimes, I-I don't completely understand but I don't have to right now, I just want you to be comfortable, you can explain it to me later when you feel better, no pressure okay?" Obi-Wan looked at Anakin like he was talking in a strange language, no one ever told him it's was okay to feel he was expected just to let his feelings go in the force and move on. he closed his eyes thinking about all the things that had happened in hours. he didn't realize he was crying until he felt Anakin's hand wiping a tear and looking at him expectantly.
Obi-Wan decided he didn't want to talk, he didn't want to untangle the mess he had in his head, ignoring it couldn't be a permanent solution he knew that but, right now, he didn't want to lose the feeling of calmness so he just lied down in the bed taking Anakin with him and whispered "thank you, dear one, right I just want to lie down please" Anakin quickly wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan and help him against his side "I got you Obi, just rest, I will take care of the rest" at that moment Obi-Wan felt a caressing in his mental shields, he closed his eyes knowing that even though is not okay right now it's doesn't mean it won't be okay forever