Work Text:
Cropped Up (Sans/Male Reader)
Punching into the little device by the front doors of the store, you take a deep breath and prepare to start a shift that seems like any other.
Well, as regular as a shift can be where a fifteen foot monster helps a two foot tall spouse reach something.
Having your retail job be in the Underground sure makes each and every day a biiiit different from the last. Your responsibilities stay the same: directing customers to particular products, stocking things when they’re running low on the shelves, organizing boxes in the back, and other here and there things that would fit in on any surface store. The array of things stores sell in the Underground to accommodate monsters of completely different needs and body types is what makes it anything but. Having lived down here with this position for a year, though, it’s harder for something to catch you by surprise the way it used to. Ten-foot-tall wool coat? In the back left corner, next to the pea-sized hats.
There has been one thing about your work that’s felt different over the past few months, though. Your friendship with Sans, an adorkable skeleton that your heart quickly found plenty of room for, became much more than that, as you now find yourself bonefriends and soul bonds. Each and every day’s become an adventure, both when you’re with him and when you’re just thinking about him, but it makes the time away at something like a shift harder. You know you’ll have plenty of time with him sooner than later, especially when you move in with him and his brother, Papyrus, in a couple weeks, but it’s a bummer not having that voice of his enter your ears.
Your thoughts about your bone-afide best bud are cut off, though, when Brenda, your usual manager, stops you before you head to the usual desk where you ask what you’re doing today.
“Hey, Protag, mind doing something different today?”
Different than what you already do? That could be a way to get your mind dialed on something else.
“Sure! What’d you have in mind?”
“Want to go shuck corn in the back?”
“Come again?” Corn? You’ve sold all kinds of things here, but not food, aside from those little coolers by the registers that have sodas and MTT Super Sugar Spectacular Shakes™.
“Yeah, there’s enough humans around now that seem to have this tradition of specifically having corn around summer. Guess they can’t grow it any time of year like here. Anyways, if they want it, it could be a good time to sell more, in case they’re wanting to bring some to parties down here or something. Cool with helping out?”
“S-Sure! Just somewhere in the back, then?”
“Yep. I’ll lead you there and show you what you’ll be working with.” A bit confused, but eager to be doing something out of the ordinary, you follow Brenda to the back of the store. It doesn’t look all that busy in the aisles today, so it doesn’t seem like the store’s gonna be shucked with a couple less hands around.
…Awww, if Sans was here, he’d like that one.
Brenda leads you through the employees only doors, and she takes you past the break room and towards the right, where you usually work with moving boxes around. In the corner of the big room, though, there’s a little setup waiting for you. A bunch of boxes stuffed with freshly picked corn are resting on a table on the right, a large compost bin is on the left, probably for the stuff on the outside you’ll be ripping off, and behind both of these is…
?!?!?!?! Sans!!!
“heya, bud. didn’t think i’d be cropping up?”
“…Hhhhhhh… you!!!” Taken by complete surprise, you half run to the table, with the other half being your soul getting excited and seemingly leading you there, reaching over for a big squeeze when you get there. Sans returns the favor, giving your shoulder a gentle rub, before you remember that Brenda’s there watching and waiting, and let go.
“H-How… How’d you get here?” Brenda ends up being the one that answers.
“We connected through the Undernet last night. I knew I wanted a good worker to take care of this today, and since it might not be the most exciting thing, I figured bringing something along to liven it up more was in order. Your bonefriend was the perfect candidate.”
“yuppers. ran a couple corn jokes by her, and within minutes, we felt like cornhole buddies.” The puns never stop.
“So, he’s gonna hang out with you today while you do your stuff. Just grab each corn by the top, and it can peel as easy as a banana. Don’t worry about the little hairs that’re left, that’ll come off when they’re washed later.”
“so, he’s gotta worry about as few hairs as he does around me?”
“Precisely. Think you can do that?”
“Doesn’t sound like a hairy situation to me, so totally!” The three of you all laugh, and you aren’t sure if Brenda’s thinking this was a great idea, or a terrible one if your mind just goes to pun land the entire time.
“Well, I’ll leave you two to it. You can take your lunch break whenever you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it being the corn. I’ll make sure you get some free when it’s ready, though.” She heads back to where the two of you came from, and waves before leaving, dino-lizard frame and all. It’s now just you and Sans, just the way you like it: although Papyrus being around is always a treat, of course.
“…Aaaaaa, you!”
“you! i get to see ya do your thing all day.”
“And you’re fine with taking up that home time for it?”
“totally. it’s with you.” Your cheeks quickly burn red, and you wonder what Brenda would think if she saw that. Taking a glimpse behind the table, you see that Sans brought that soccer mom chair he usually uses at his hot-dogs station in Hotland.
“Good choice, you’re sitting in style.”
“’course i am. if i stood the whole time, my legs wouldn’t leaf me alone.”
“Pfffff, well, I guess I’ll get started on it.” Popping open the first box, you and Sans get a look at a huge set of fresh corn, just waiting to show its kernels to the world… or just the two of you right now, at least.
“So, she said I just try to peel these like a banana, then?”
“mhm. just think of it like when papyrus makes those post-workout fruit smoothies for ya.”
“Oh, that’s the best motivation you coulda given.” Papyrus’ work as a personal trainer means he’s got a bunch of smoothie recipes memorized, and aside from some pasta-filled exceptions that he’s been… well, creative with, they’re usually really good. With thoughts of the banana goodness filling your mind, you grab the little strands on top of the first piece of corn and pull it down as hard as you can…
…A little too hard. It breaks in two.
“oooo, ya made a banana split. sounds good, but if ya asked the store if they want them this way, i think calling it a split decision would be generous.”
Again, he simply doesn’t stop. It gives you a needed laugh after being zero-for-one for successful corn so far, and you toss the two halves into the compost bin, figuring some dirt will get more use out of that one than the store.
“Here, maybe I need your help with this next one. It’s the only time I’ll ask, but some bonefriend inspiration could make this work out a bit better.”
“sure thing, hun. if that’s what ya want to make your work work out, it won’t work me too hard.” Swinging up from his chair, Sans walks around the table and pulls out a corn to hand to you. You grip the bottom and put a hand on top to pull the stuff on, and Sans does the same on the other side. His hand brushing up with yours gets your soul racing a bit again, as pretty much any close time does now.
“ready?”
“R-Ready! On three. One… two… three!” Not being as forceful this time, you each peel off the top, and it comes off clean without the whole top half coming off this time.
“there ya go, bud. i dunno how corny this is, but i knew you could do it.”
“Awww, thanks! Glad I won’t be wrecking their whole supply.” He lets go of the corn and lets you do the rest of the piece, and ripping the stuff off the rest of the way and pulling off the thing that sticks out at the bottom are easy tasks. Once it’s all off, you set it in an empty box on the floor, giving your shoulders a good roll before getting to the next one.
“cool if i go back to the best seat in the not-house?”
“Totally. I think I’m the one that gets the best view of something, though.”
“awwww, ya sure about that? i get to see you doing something really cool. also, this cozy chair gives a bonus.”
“If you insiiiiiist. I won’t plant any other thoughts in your mind about it that could grow.” Your pun energy seems to charge up whenever Sans isn’t around, because when he is, you let them out like there’s no tomorrow. He returns to his chair, which barely makes a sinking noise, with how light he is. Part of you really wants to sit there and have him relax on your lap, but he was invited here to help your work, not stop it, so you stick to the task at hand.
Now that you know to not yank the greens off the corn like it’s a sticker you desperately don’t want to leave any residue on a car, the rest are easier. You look to Sans for a wink or finger guns, which he gladly provides, and with the motivation swelling up inside of you, you grab at the top, and with a firm fist, gently peel it down. It feels like an honor to be the first to see these corn kernels, after all the effort that was taken to grow them and keep them healthy, and you mention that to Sans as he keeps watching.
“It takes like, what, four months to grow surface corn? And we’re seeing it before even the people that grew it.”
“yeah, that’s a neat way to think about it. they could grow it a lot faster up there with magic, but didn’t they say that makes it ‘less authentic’, or something else just as bogus?”
“Yeeeeeeah. Reason 427 I’m glad we’re here instead.”
“ya used 427 a while back.”
“Reason 205?”
“that one’s open. 205 it is.” Sans and yourself have this list of reasons why you’re happy to be living in the Underground still, which has had better peace of mind for everyone ever since the Barrier was lifted and people can travel to and from whenever they wish. The list doesn’t have any order, so you each just fill a different number each time you feel like it; 6969 has one already for the laughs, for instance, but you’re still trying to figure out what 39 should be.
Sans starts playing a jazz playlist from his phone to fill the big room with some more sound, as the shift quickly becomes the best one you’ve had in a long, long time. The bin fills pretty fast, with you hitting a stable routine of peel, peel, rip off the thing sticking out of the bottom, toss the corn in the box, and repeat. Accompanying this is chatter and jokes between yourself and your bonefriend about domestic life.
“This reminds me, once I’ve moved in soon, we can grocery shop together!”
“heheh, heck yeah, we can. we’re gonna get so much sushi, the food museum in the fridge is gonna need a new wing for it.”
“That’s making me wonder what chicken wing sushi would taste like.”
“well, then i might just hafta make that with papyrus for your next bday.”
“Oooooo! That’d be wonderful!”
“consider it done- but not well done. that’d be a pretty dry way to celebrate.” You both laugh and have a shudder of fear from the thought of overcooked meat.
“glad to get a better look at your workplace, since i’ll be taking ya here a few days a week.” Sans’ ability to take shortcuts from one place to the next for reasons neither of you really understand is gonna help save you from having to make lots of commutes.
“And you’re sure that won’t drain too much of your energy?”
“nah, it’s just a couple a day. besides, the next time i’m asked about my seven hours of snooze a night, i can say that’s the reason.”
“Heheh, alrighty, then. You’ll be able to get my employee discount, whenever you want something.”
“for when i wanna buy a lamp and put it by everyone’s door in snowdin for no reason?”
“Yes, exactly. Considering the kinds of orders I’ve checked out, that isn’t too off the wall.”
“yeah, especially since when they’re plugged in, they’ll be in the wall.” The two of you share another laugh, which bounces off the walls of the room. No one seems to have been assigned to do box sorting today, so you’ve got the whole room to yourselves.
“Heheh… gosh, I love you.”
“i love ya, too, buddo. this is so nice. your manager’s getting another thanks from me later.”
“Think she’d understand if I took a little pause to… heh…”
“oh, for sure. consider this a recharge.” Sans stands up from the table, and stopping your superlative, succulent shucking, you lean over to plant a nice, wet smooch over his forehead. He immediately returns the favor when you’re done, somehow always doing a fantastic job despite the lack of lips.
“hopefully that only got the mental batteries going. this is a family friendly store.” You pull back to make sure your laugher doesn’t cause you to bonk Sans’ skull, and it gives you a good look at his cheeks that’re now flushed with blue.
“Ahahaha, naaah, don’t worry, my focus is where it should be.”
The rest of the shift, both before, during, and after the lunch break, is more of the same, with both you and Sans having these huge grins plastered on your faces that don’t go away. You’re both a bit bummed when it’s time for you to go home, but since it timed out with you finishing the last few corn, you can leave knowing you had a job well done.
“congrats, buddo. you did it, even if it was graining.”
“Pfff, no worries, I didn’t leek out much sweat.”
“wanna head to snowdin for dinner? papyrus has a surprise waiting for ya.”
“Sure!!” Sans folds up his chair and carries it with one arm, using the other to link with yours. You stroll your way out of the room, with your shirt much dirtier than when you came in, but feeling satisfied from a good day of work and even better company. Brenda isn’t in right now, and a glimpse at the schedules by the front door lets you know that she left a bit ago, but you use the little notepad and pen that’s sitting by it to write a note to thank her for the task and for inviting Sans, which you leave at the customer service desk before punching out.
“alrighty, ready to go?”
“Yep! Looking forward to whatev Papyrus made, after seeing this corn all day.”
“oh, trust me, i know you’re gonna like it.” You grab Sans’ open hand, which he gives a loving little squeeze, before the two of you enter the dark nothingness for a moment.
Only a second passes before the world reemerges around you in a blue flash, and you find yourself outside the front door. Sans has told you before how suddenly entering the kitchen during cooking time with hot stuff around isn’t the best idea, so he always makes sure to be courteous when Papyrus is busy with that. The breeze in the air is seeming a bit like a risk of a blizzard, though, so rather than the usual quips after a shortcut, Sans quickly opens the door up for you, and when you enter, the smells of pasta and something else you can’t quite put your finger on enter your nose.
“PROTAG! GOOD EVENING!! HEARD YOU HAD A PRETTY OUT OF THE ORDINARY SHIFT TODAY.” Papyrus’ always-motivating voice fills your ears, too, as he steps out of the kitchen, donning his battle body, as always.
“Hey, Papyrus! Yep, a few hours of just getting corn ready to be sold, and talking to Sans.”
“I TAKE IT YOU SHARED A NOVELETTA’S WORTH OF JOKES, TOO? WHAT A NOVEL IDEA YOUR MANAGER HAD.”
“definitely. we wouldn’t take today paper-back for anything.”
“MY POINT STANDS. ANYHOO, YOU TWO MUST BE HUNGRY! COME SEE WHAT I’VE MADE!!”
Papyrus’ cooking continues to get better and better, and even if it wasn’t, you couldn’t say no to his eager smile. You hurry into the kitchen, where the meal’s already been finished, and it’s…
A lasagna with not one, nor two, but three layers of corn kernels in it.
“CONSIDERING HOW MUCH YOU HANDLED THAT CORN TODAY, YOU DESERVED TO EAT SOME! THIS IS MY PROUDEST CONCOCTION IN WEEKS. CORNCOCTION? CORNCOTTONCANDY? OOOOH, THAT’S AN IDEA FOR NEXT TIME.” Sans takes the chance to step behind you and whisper into your ear.
“you can’t escape your cornonation.”
You burst into laughter, and when you notice that Papyrus looks a bit confused about why, you wrap your arms around his outfit in a hug and thank him for making such a nice meal for you.
A bonefriend that elevates your life each and every day, and his brother being someone you can always call a great friend. Anyone that’s told you life in the Underground wouldn’t be worth it couldn’t be farmer from the truth.