Chapter Text
The atmosphere felt thick, and suffocating. I had to get out of there. Then out of nowhere I start falling. All I could do was scream.
“Hey, hey! Jimin! Hyung! Wake up!” Jungkook managed to rip me out of my clouded imagination. “I heard you scream. It’s the nightmares again, isn't it?” He says as I scoot closer to him seeking comfort. He picked me up effortlessly and placed me on his lap. While he gently stroked my back and hummed my favorite song to put me at ease.
“c-can you stay with me un-until I f-all asleep? please?” I thought I had finally gotten over my nightmare episodes. But no matter how hard I tried, they just always found a way to come back. “ I’ll stay all night, don't worry. I’ll fight off your demons, because you seriously need your beauty sleep.” Jungkook teased. “If only you were real.” I sighed as I finally woke from my dream, into my real nightmare.
I woke up with my blankets wrapped around me as if they were trying to suffocate me, or perhaps they were trying to provide a sense of comfort I haven’t experienced in years. “So I did fall this time” I mumble as I stand up to stretch the sleepless muscle knot on my shoulder. I lazily picked up my, now, cold comforter from the floor. I lay back down and stare at my ceiling as the sun barley is starting to rise. The morning glow made it feel like a sin to be falling apart. I turn over to my right side. Avoiding the warmth and comfort from the morning sun. Staring at our last group picture before the accident. Everyone was so happy then. Smiling, without a care in the world. High on euphoria, we all knew life would have to balance out at some point. We couldn’t have all good days, or as you’d like to put it. “Life always balances, it can’t all be bad. There has to be some good out there for us.” But we both know I was never one for optimism.
And to think, not too long ago all seven of us were screaming out wishes at the edge of an ocean cliff. I will never forget what Namjoon hyung said, “I want to stop feeling guilty for finally being happy.” What a cruel irony, now I feel guilty for breathing.The day I woke up from the coma and I asked the doctors about all of you was the second to worst day of my life. The worst was obviously, the day of the accident. They told me Jin and Tae died on impact. Lucky fucking bastards. Hoseok left on our way to the hospital. The doctors assured me they didn’t feel pain. That, the adrenaline would overpower their neurons and cancel out the pain for a while. I hope it’s true. They were too good for this place anyways. Too good for such a cruel world.
They said Namjoon was coherent when they were preparing him for surgery. All he kept saying was that it was all his fault. That no matter what happened to him they had to save us. Imagine, taking care of all of us for years and still. He used his last breath to ensure we were all safe. I only wish he hadn't been so scared when he left. He did so much for us, at least now he finally got the peace he deserved. But knowing Jin and Hobi, it would not be very peaceful where they were.
Before the accident I didn’t really believe in the afterlife. Or more that I didn’t really give it a second thought. But now I’d like to think that the guys are watching over me, ensuring that “Baby mochi” manages to keep his ass in a chair. The only reason why I used to fall off my chairs was because of laughing so much. I haven’t been doing much of that as of late. Yoongi and Joonie both died during surgery. Yoongi was unconscious the whole time. I assume it looked like he was sleeping. That state where he knew what was going on around him, but was too tired to wake. He always looked at peace when he slept. I'm glad he finally has time to breathe.
They still don’t want to tell me by what miracle it is that I survived. But I have my inferences. I think it’s the same reason they wouldn’t tell me about Jungkook. At least not until “I was stable enough to understand.” As the doctors, oh so annoyingly stated. As if i;d ever be stable enough to hear the tragic stories of how my best friends died. How the only family I had is now…
gone