Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Oh, fuck me,” Rin muttered as her suitcase hit the door at an angle, blocking itself in place. Rin kicked at it, yelping as her foot connected with something hard inside. Rubbing her toe, she briefly contemplated jumping onto the tracks. 

She grabbed onto both sides and attempted to heft it to the side, but the heavy case wouldn’t budge. It was at an awkward angle, caught in something. She leaned over it, trying to dislodge it without falling face first onto the platform. A stream of swears floated through the air as she valiantly tried and failed to get her suitcase off the fucking train. 

“Thought it was you.” Rin jumped, looking up to see a familiar pair of lovely almond eyes staring at her amusedly. She pushed herself up ungracefully, cursing again as she almost fell. “Who else has such a foul mouth?” 

“Is there a new campus rule against swearing?” she asked. Nezha laughed, stepping closer and hooking his hands under her suitcase. 

“Need some help?” 

“No.” 

“Let me put it this way. This train is leaving the station in one minute and you’ll still be on it if you can’t get this trunk off.” 

Rin glared at him. “Fine.” 

He dislodged it with ease, and the two of them lifted it onto the platform. Rin’s eyes widened, she dashed back onto the train, grabbed her satchel and dove back out just as the door closed behind her and the train’s whistle blew. 

She exhaled, rolling onto her back and staring up at the station’s tall ceiling. 

“Elegant.” Nezha offered her a hand that she grudgingly accepted, pulling herself up. She let go as soon as she could, dusting herself off. Being near Nezha was dangerous territory. 

“Why are you even here?” 

“Kitay told me he was coming to pick you up, and I figured I’d tag along. He should be along soon,” Nezha frowned. “He was convinced the screens were wrong, and that your train was arriving at the H platform.” 

Rin gave her first smile of the day at that. She could just imagine Kitay arguing with the stationmaster, holding up the line. 

“RIN!” 

Her head whipped to the side. He was stumbling down the escalator, a wide grin splitting his face in two. Rin’s smile grew wider. She dropped her satchel and sprinted towards him, knocking past startled commuters until she leapt into Kitay’s arms. He spun her around, laughing as she held on tight, unwilling to let go. 

“Your train came to the wrong platform,” he announced. “I looked at a map of the junctions and the path your train took is so illogical. I don’t know what the driver was thinking. See, if they had taken the right-most track on the outskirts of Sinegard - ”

“Or, or, or, hear me out,” Rin said, “Maybe the driver was just following the path that they were given by their superiors.” 

He huffed, pushing a stray curl out of his face. “Well, it’s still stupid.” 

Rin’s heart gave a painful, happy tug and she wrapped her arms around him again, burying her face in his shirt. Gods, she’d missed him so much. Anything seemed bearable when Kitay was by her side, and the two months without him had been hell. The backs of her eyes prickled. “Rough summer?” he murmured gently. Rin held him tighter. 

“I’ll tell you about it later.” 

“Sure, Kitay gets the tearful hugs and I get the ‘ew, who’s this guy’. I feel so appreciated.” Nezha’s voice joined them and Rin pulled away from Kitay. 

“Just be better, then.” 

“I was ! Who got your suitcase off the train whilst this motherfucker was gallivanting around the station like a chicken with its head cut off?” 

Rin snickered, but Kitay looked unimpressed. “I’m not fucking anyone’s mother. Especially not yours.” 

Nezha shook his head. “Whatever. Let’s get back to the car.” Rin took her suitcase from him, ignoring the way their fingers brushed, and the three of them started to push their way off the busy platform. 

“Venka!” Rin threw herself onto her roommate’s bed and hugged her tightly. 

“All right, all right, no need to piss your pants,” Venka said gruffly, patting her head. “Those idiots actually managed to find you? Maybe they’re not completely useless after all.” 

“You didn’t even come, asshole,” Nezha began, but she shushed him with a wave and turned back to Rin. 

“I have to take a fucking ethical hacking class,” she said, “and guess who’s co-teaching it.” 

“Not Yin?” 

“Yin.” Venka groaned. Professor Yin Vaisra was notorious for being the worst grader in the entire law department. Rin had taken a class with him in her first year as an obligatory complementary, and she’d nearly failed because he hated her so much. 

He also happened to be Nezha’s father, and so naturally Nezha had hated her too, despite barely knowing her. They’d only become friends in their third year, when they’d finally taken a common calculus class and had had to work together for a project. 

“Well, at least he likes you.” Rin extricated herself from Venka’s bed and started to unzip her suitcase. She knew that if she didn’t unpack now, she’d never get to it. Kitay knelt next to her and ruffled her hair before gathering up her bedding and taking it over to the bare, twin bed. 

Nezha sat down at Venka’s desk as Rin and Kitay got to work. “Why do you have three keyboards?” he asked in confusion. 

“It’s a comp sci thing. You wouldn’t understand,” she replied loftily

“You don’t even have three screens.” 

“Shut the fuck up, nerd.” 

“If anyone’s the nerd here, it’s Kitay,” Nezha protested. “All of us are going to get functional jobs and he’s going to be getting his fourth doctorate when he’s thirty five.” 

“Yeah, and then I’m going to make some groundbreaking discoveries and become rich.” 

“There’s no groundbreaking discoveries to be made in math.” 

Kitay frowned. “You all wouldn’t even have classes if it weren’t for math. Shut up.” 

It was true. All three of them were pursuing engineering degrees - Rin in chemical, Venka in software and Nezha in aeronautical, whereas Kitay was in pure mathematics, on track to graduate a year early and start his masters. 

Rin shoved her clothes into the dresser as Kitay continued to bicker back and forth with Nezha and Venka. She glanced at Venka’s set-up. Her roommate had a new laptop, complete with a large, shiny monitor and a sleek keyboard. Rin felt a pang of jealousy. She couldn’t afford a laptop. She was always stuck at the library computers, late at night, to finish assignments. 

At least this summer, she’d made some money. Auntie Fang had kept her hard at work in the shop, of course, but she’d managed to spend a good part of her nights bartending for more than minimum wage. She hadn’t made a lot, of course, but enough that she’d be able to afford going out with her friends maybe once, and invest the rest in a savings account. 

She sighed and hung up her jacket in the closet before collapsing back onto the bed, cuddling up to her best friend. Gods, she was exhausted. She’d sleep for two days straight, she decided. She’d somehow managed to convince Auntie Fang that the semester started two days before it actually did, and gotten herself two days of blissful rest. Her eyelids fluttered shut and she struggled to keep them open, to listen to the conversation. She had no doubt the three of them had spent the summer together since they all lived in Sinegard, and she didn’t want to miss out.

Kitay squeezed her arm gently. “You can sleep,” he murmured. “It’s okay.” 

She was already drifting off. 

Nezha cautiously pushed open the ajar door to Rin and Venka’s room. The latter had come banging on his door earlier, informing him that Rin looked dead but that she had to take a shower so could he please check that she was still breathing and maybe bring her some fucking food? 

He’d run to the bakery two streets down. Nezha left the paper bag on Rin’s bare desk and knelt next to her bed. 

Her face was buried in her pillow, a strand of hair sticking to the corner of her slightly parted lips. Nezha brushed it back, tucked it behind her ear. She was curled up into a ball underneath her thin comforter, and the skin of her cheek was cold. Nezha took the blanket from the foot of Venka’s bed and gently tossed it over Rin, his heart twinging. He wanted to buy her a new, warmer comforter. He wanted to buy her a laptop and a thicker jacket and everything else that she even slightly needed. But she’d never let him. 

Sighing, Nezha sank onto Venka’s bed and took out his phone, waiting for Rin to wake up. 

She stirred half an hour later, groaning and rubbing her eyes. “Good morning, sunshine,” Nezha said, because he knew she hated the phrase. She squinted at him, lifting her head slightly before letting it fall back onto her thin pillow. 

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?” 

“I was told to come check that you were still alive.” 

“Should have sent Niang,” she grumbled, ungracefully sitting up and leaning crookedly against her wall, rubbing at her eyes so vigorously Nezha was surprised she hadn’t popped them out of their sockets. 

“I brought food,” he said helpfully, snatching up the brown bag and handing her a croissant. He’d gotten it from the ‘foreign pastries’ section, because he knew it was one of her favourites. She bit into it with a mumbled thanks, eyes still half closed as she chewed. She’d inhaled half of the buttery pastry when her chin snapped up and her glare honed in on Nezha, suddenly awake. 

“This isn’t from the dining hall.” 

“I take it that means it’s good.” 

“You know I can’t fucking afford - ”

“I didn’t pay for it,” Nezha lied hastily. “I went there to get myself a coffee and they messed up my order, so I just took it and gave it to you.” 

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion but she finally nodded slowly, taking another bite. “The French are good at one thing,” she said, “and it’s making croissants.” 

Nezha laughed. “And colonization.” 

“Of course.” She licked the crumbs from her dark lips. Nezha internally slapped himself for noticing. 

“What are the Nikara good at, then?” he asked. Rin cocked her head thoughtfully. 

“War.” 

She wasn’t wrong. Nikan’s history was riddled with wars that had thankfully died out last century. It seemed unfathomable to Nezha that when his grandfather was his age, going to university was unimaginable. Everyone was sent out to military schools. Nezha shuddered to think of Kitay at a military school, unable to pursue his passion for mathematics. 

“What are you doing today?” he asked. 

“Sleeping.” 

“The whole day? Is that even possible?” 

“I’ll make it possible.” She was picking up the flaky crumbs of croissant that had fallen on her comforter. And thank the gods, because it meant that she didn’t see Nezha’s stupid smile. 

“I’m sure you will. But I was going to take a walk to see the new engineering pavillon. They renovated it. Want to come?” 

She looked at him suspiciously again, before shrugging. “Fine.”  

A few minutes later, they were exiting the dorm building and making their way across the campus. Sinegard University had a large, sprawling design that formed a small university town. Staff and non-residential students usually lived in the actual city of Sinegard, a twenty minute drive away, whilst the town itself consisted mostly of the college itself, small grocery stores, pharmacies, bars, a bakery and a shopping center. 

“Look, it’s the theatre building,” Rin snickered. “Fucking losers.” 

“Weren’t you the one who yelled at me for my STEM superiority complex last spring?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. But respecting humanities people doesn’t apply to theatre kids. They’re all annoying. 

“Says who?” 

“Says me.” Rin stumbled on an uneven rock, cursing. 

“ That seemed like loser behaviour to me.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Anytime.” 

“What an amazing comeback. How will I ever recover?” 

“Go see a doctor. I hear they treat loser-ness at the campus infirmary.” 

“Do they treat assholery too?” 

Nezha grimaced. “Not your best.” 

She gave him a sudden smile, and his heart leapt. “I know.” 

They reached the new pavillon and let out simultaneous noises of disgust. “What the fuck is that?” Rin said. Nezha shook his head. He was at a loss for words. 

The new building was modern, but ugly. The walls were largely made of blue glass that blinded them if they stared too long. The front was a giant block, held up by concrete pillars. Rin made her way over to one, looking up. “Who the fuck designed this?” she asked. “Why did you ruin my morning by making me see this?” 

“I am truly sorry,” he said, chuckling, “but at least you got to spend time in my sparkling company.” 

She snorted. “Take me back to sleep now. And let me never wake up.” 

Five weeks into the semester and Rin was feeling better than she had during the summer. Her workload was huge, of course, but it somehow felt so much more manageable when she was surrounded by her friends. When she wasn’t in her room with Venka, she was in the library with Kitay or sitting at a picnic table with Nezha, or with all three of them at once when their schedules aligned. 

“Irjah likes you,” Altan was telling her one day after class. He was the head teaching assistant in her biochemical engineering class. “I’m sure he’d take you on as a TA next semester. Are you planning to apply to grad school?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know how good I’d be as a TA though. I yell at people a lot.” 

He chuckled. “I was like that too. You can get better at it. But keep it up, kid.” 

“Thanks,” she grinned. It was through sheer hard work that she consistently remained one of the top students in her class. Biochem engineering was quickly becoming her favourite of the semester, and it always felt so good when Irjah praised her for a correct answer. 

Academic validation was almost like a drug, Rin thought with a chuckle. 

She shouldered her satchel and made her way outside. Her class ended late, and the roads were illuminated only by the faint street lamps as she walked back to her dorm. 

Her room was empty when she opened the door. Oh, right . It was friday, and there was a party at someone’s house. All of them had been talking about going. Well, not Rin. She liked getting drunk, but she despised the atmosphere of parties. Kitay normally did too, but she supposed he had gone tonight.

She sighed, flicking on the light and dropping her satchel at her desk. She had very little work to do tonight, just finishing up her notes for chapter thirteen of her biochem textbook. Rin pulled out her notebook, hefted the textbook onto the table, and started to write. 

An hour or so later, everything went wrong when a gunshot rang out from outside. 

Rin jumped, then froze, then dove off her chair and onto the ground. Another gunshot rang out. Students were screaming, yelling. Heart beating fast, Rin crawled under her bed. Her breathing was unbelievably loud in her ears as she clutched at her hands, waiting with bated breath. 

Another gunshot sounded almost simultaneously to Rin’s window shattering with a loud crash, glass spilling everywhere. She screamed, then shoved her first in her mouth, staring with wide eyes at the shattered clear pieces on her floor. So the attacker was definitely outside, then. The many security protocols that Sinegard was so strict about had worked. But not well enough to keep the attacker off campus. 

Oh gods . All of her friends were at a party, completely unprotected. Were they okay? Were any of them hurt? Visions flashed through her mind; Kitay, lying motionless on the floor with a hole in his chest. Nezha and Venka in the same position. Rin squeezed her eyes shut, rocking back and forth around herself. Another gunshot rang out. She dug her nails into her forearm. 

A scuffling noise. Silence. Had the shooter been apprehended? How could she be sure? 

“I’ll just stay here,” Rin muttered to herself. “It’s more comfortable anyway.” 

She lost track of time as she waited, chest tight, for some sort of signal that everything was fine. For some sort of sign that her friends were alive. Rin didn’t think she could take it if something had happened to them. If she never left, she’d never find out. 

After what could have been minutes, hours or days, Rin jerked out of a restless doze to hear the door to her room being opened. She tensed immediately, before hearing Venka’s high, anxious voice. “Rin?” 

“Here,” she exhaled. 

“Fucking hell.” That was Nezha’s voice. “Are you okay?” 

“Fine.” Her voice came out a squeak, and she cleared her throat. “I’m fine. Where’s Kitay?” 

“He’s okay. He took Niang to the hospital.” Rin exhaled again, and with it came most of her stress. “Are you under your bed?” 

“There’s glass everywhere.” 

“I’ll go get something to clear it up,” said Venka.

“Here.” She heard her desk creak and groan as he moved it, leaving a clear space at the foot of her bed, and then she was sliding herself out from under her bed and Nezha was pulling her to her feet. For a moment, they stared at each other. He really did look fine, Rin realized, with another relieved breath. He was okay. 

Nezha was apparently going through a similar thought process as he lifted his hands to her face, smoothing her hair back, checking her for injuries. Then he sighed and pulled her close.  

She froze momentarily before relaxing into the hug, pressing her cheek into his chest. He smelled like someone had doused him in sorghum wine but at the moment Rin didn’t care. She simply held onto him like he was the only real thing in the world, her hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt. The waiting had been the worst part, she thought. Not knowing if her friends were okay. Not knowing if she’d be okay. But they were fine now. 

“You’re shaking,” he murmured. 

“Well sue me for being scared,” she snapped back. 

“Glad you weren’t shot.” 

“Can’t say the same for you.” 

He chuckled, and she felt the sound vibrate through her entire body. Alarm bells were going off in her brain. They were too close, she was aware of every movement his hands made, of how his muscles shifted against her. They were too close, and she just wanted to step closer. 

So she stepped away instead, because wanting something was dangerous. 

It had been some crazy ex of Niang’s, they learned later. He’d come to the dorms first, shooting at windows he thought were hers. That was why Rin’s window had been shot at - Niang’s room was only two doors down from hers. Then, he had made his way to the party where he’d found his target and attempted to kill her. She’d been shot in the leg before Altan had tackled the guy and gotten his gun away from him. 

Niang had been the only injured person in the events, but the administration had tightened security by a mile. A watchman had been placed at the entrance to every dorm building and a curfew had been imposed. 

“The fuck do you mean, a curfew?” Rin snapped. Han, who had delivered the news,  shrugged. 

“It’s fine. It’s not like you go to parties anyway.” 

If looks could kill, Nezha thought, Han would be dead from that glare. He took it as his cue to leave, leaving Nezha and Rin alone in her room. 

“And what do you want?” she asked. He knew why she was frustrated. The curfew wouldn’t affect the studies of a majority of Sinegard’s student body; the prestigious school housed mainly privileged students. But Rin depended on her hours spent at the library to get her digital work done.                                        

“I got you an early birthday present,” Nezha replied cautiously. 

“My birthday’s in like five months.” 

“A very early birthday present,” he amended, unzipping his bag and pulling out a parcel wrapped in brown paper. Suspicion narrowing her eyes, Rin tore open the wrapping. And then her eyes whipped back up to him, with a glare even stronger than the one she’d given Han. Was it wrong for Nezha to find that glare attractive? Yes, you fucking weirdo.

“No.” 

“No?” 

“I’m not accepting this.” 

“You can’t not accept a birthday present. That’s rude.” But Nezha had anticipated this reaction, and he’d prepared a list of things to say. 

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” She lifted the laptop box gingerly and held it out to him, as though she was afraid she’d break it if she touched it for too long. “I can’t accept this, Nezha. Take it back to the store.” 

“Why can’t you accept it?” he countered. “No, shut up. You won’t be in my debt after this. I know you’re worried about that. You don’t need to buy me a birthday gift that’s equal in price. We give gifts according to our own financial capabilities, and this is nothing for me. And if, when the curfew is lifted, you want to give this back to me, fine. But just use it for now. Please. I don’t want you to lose your scholarship because some fucking crazy ex of Niang’s decided to fuck everything up.” 

“I don’t need your pity.” 

“I don’t pity you. I just wish you’d let people help you sometimes.”

She glared at him again, but it had softened slightly. That meant she was running out of objections. Nezha reached out and took her hands in his. 

“Come on, Rin. Friends do nice things for each other sometimes. Not everything has an ulterior motive. And here - if you want, I won’t get you another birthday present until you deem that the laptop’s been paid off.” 

Rin’s lips quirked upwards at that. “Forty years?” 

“Forty years, then.” Nezha squeezed her hands gently. “Is that a yes?” 

She studied him from underneath dark lashes, gaze flicking from him to the laptop. And then she nodded slowly. “Thank you,” she mumbled. 

“Speak up,” he said, grinning, “I can’t hear you.” 

“Thank you.” Rin’s eyes met his, and she smiled grudgingly. “I guess you’re nice. Sometimes. But don’t be nice again or I’ll punch you.”

Nezha brought her hand to his lips, teasingly pressed a featherlight kiss to her knuckles. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“She’s not here.” 

Martin tried to push past her but Rin kicked at him. He stepped back, raising his hands like whoa, what was that for? Rin simply fixed him with her favourite glare, eyeing his stupidly red hair and pale eyes with derision. Martin was an exchange student from the west - from which country specifically she’d never bothered to learn - and he was also a massive asshole. 

“I can see her shoes - ”

“People have more than one pair of shoes. Now can you leave me the fuck alone? Some of us actually study.” 

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t be a bitch, Rin - ”

“Okay,” she said. She slammed the door in his face. 

A few minutes later, Venka emerged from underneath her bed. “Fucking jackass,” she muttered. 

“What did he do? Besides exist as a white person, of course?” 

“Of course. He’s been harassing me to find out how I did the bonus on the final project. He can’t find the answer online. I told him to fuck right off.” Venka tossed her long, silky ponytail behind her shoulder. “Not my fault he’s stupid.” 

Rin laughed. “Do you have any friends in that class?” She doubted it. Venka’s abrasive temperament wasn’t exactly one that most people appreciated. For that matter, neither was Rin’s. Maybe that was why they were such good friends. 

Though Rin knew Venka, Nezha and Kitay loved her, she always felt like she stood slightly apart from the rest of them. They were all from Sinegard, they’d had similar upbringings, and they had money. Though three years at the university had allowed her to catch up on most of the mannerisms and other things she’d missed, she still felt like an outsider. The poor, scholarship kid from Tikany who worked too hard and yelled too much. 

She’d really found the only three people in the school who could ever understand her, she thought. And yet she was still slightly removed.

“Why do I need to? I have you shitheads, don’t I? Anyway, I’m staying in this room until the due date.” 

“That sounds like so much fun.” Rin went over to the mirror, frowned at herself. She liked to keep her hair short, but it had been falling into her eyes. She rummaged around in Venka’s drawer before she found a small pair of scissors, and started to snip at the hair above her forehead. 

“What are you doing? You’re so fucking incompetent.” Venka snatched them away and started to trim Rin’s ‘bangs’. “There. See? There’s no need to become fucking Picasso.” 

Rin fell backwards on her bed, staring up at the whitewashed ceiling. “I am Picasso.” 

“Yeah. Sure. Talk to me when you manage to draw a stickman.” 

She threw her pillow at Venka. Venka threw it right back. 

“Are you insane?” 

Nezha glanced up from his laptop. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and he was lounging against a tree in the central courtyard as he worked on a research paper. His eyes honed in on the owner of that voice. Rin was walking out of the dorms, on the phone with someone. She was too busy arguing to notice him. But he always noticed her. How could he not? Whenever she walked into a place, she was like a wrecking ball. Nezha loved it. 

“Your product sounds like shit. Why would I ever buy it?” A pause. “Yeah, sure. I completely believe you. And my ass is as big as Kim Kardashian’s.” Her eyes glinted as she listened to the other person talk. “Your company’s going to go bankrupt. Your product is shit and you’re useless as a seller.”

Someone snapped their fingers in front of his eyes and Nezha jumped. Venka was leaning down in front of him, looking amused. Nezha realized he was smiling stupidly and hastily looked back at his laptop, putting on a frown. 

“I’m busy.” 

“Yeah. I can see that.” She flopped down next to him, pulling out her phone, and Nezha dared to glance back up at Rin. She was standing next to the statue of some emperor, looking tiny in comparison. Her arms were drowning in the loose sleeves of her sweatshirt. 

“Have you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand? There’s literally no demand for this fucking bullshit. Call me back in two months when your boss fires you. No!” she exclaimed. “Shove it up your ass. Goodbye. Have a terrible day.” She hung up and shoved the phone into her pocket, blinking suddenly as though she hadn’t realized she’d come all the way outside. 

Nezha hastily looked back down at his laptop. Next to him, Venka was chuckling. “She likes to yell at telemarketers,” she informed him. 

“Why am I not surprised?” 

“Hey, it’s very therapeutic. I prefer hanging up on them, though. I bet you’re polite to them.” 

He frowned. “So what if I am?” 

“You’re so fucking weird, Nezha.” 

“Seconded,” Rin said. She was standing in front of them. Her short hair was even wilder than usual today. “Can you hold this for me? I need to get to the disgusting new engineering pavillon. Me and Kitay are going to argue with Jiang about my grade on the midterm.” 

“Of course you are.” He caught the satchel she tossed him. “Good luck, I guess.” 

“I won’t need it.” She grinned at him, then took off running. 

Venka smacked his head. “Fucking loser.” 

“Leave me alone.” 

“Be lovestruck in private, then. It’s annoying.” 

Nezha kicked at her but she danced out of the way, cackling. He returned to his paper, shaking his head at himself. What the hell was wrong with him? 

Rin is what’s wrong with you. 

...and could she please keep it up? 

“Rin.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

“What did he ask?” 

“You should have been paying attention.” 

“ Rin .” 

With a loud and overly exaggerated sigh, Rin moved her hand so that the question was visible. Nezha leaned over and she caught her breath. He was so close, then, his head right under her chin as he wrote down the differential equation. He turned his head up to face her, his hair flopping to the side as he flashed her an adorable grin that should not have set her heart beating that erratically. “Thanks.” 

“You are so very welcome. It’s my duty to help out the less intellectually fortunate.” 

Rin turned her attention back to Professor Jun. Ordinary Differential Equations for Engineers was one of her least favourite classes. Like Nezha’s father, Jun seemed to have a permanent dislike for scholarship students from low-income backgrounds. He had taught all of her mandatory math classes, many of which she had shared with Nezha. Rin sequestered herself in the back of the lecture hall every class. In their first two classes together, Nezha had been right at the front - Jun’s prize pupil. It had oddly touched her when he’d sat himself down next to her at the beginning of this semester. 

“How do you do this?” 

She rolled her eyes, fishing out her notes from the previous class that he had missed. “Gods, you’re incompetent.” 

“Says the girl who did 3 + 3 = 7 two weeks ago.” 

“Fuck you, that’s an entirely acceptable result.” 

“For a six year old, maybe.” 

“Could you two shut the fuck up?” someone asked from in front. Rin turned back to her work, unable to mentally slap away the stupid smile that had formed on her face. 

It was so stupid, she thought. It was so stupid. Here she was, recipient of the academic excellence scholarship for her income bracket. Here she was, one of the most hardworking students at University of Sinegard. 

Here she was, distracted from her work by a ridiculously pretty boy who smiled at her. 

Who was she, Rin thought with a snort, one of those girls from a western teen romance movie? She was Fang Runin. She shouldn’t let herself be distracted by this idiotic boy. She had better things to do. And yet time after time, whenever Nezha’s almond eyes met hers, she found herself catching her breath. 

This crush was the stupidest decision of her life. She intended to stamp it out. 

Kitay found her in the corner of the common room late that night, furiously scanning articles on how to get over a crush. He snuck up on her, and snatched the laptop away. 

“Give that back!” She scrambled to her feet, ears burning with embarrassment as he read the titles of the tabs she had open, amusement growing in his eyes. He handed it back to her, ruffling her hair. 

“I don’t think Nezha would be very happy to find out that you’re looking up ways to get rid of him on the laptop he gave you.” 

“Fuck you. It’s not even about him.” 

Kitay sat down next to her, resting his chin on his hands. “Oh, really? Who’s it about then?” 

She said the first name that popped into her head. “Tsolin.” Really, Rin? 

He choked. “The academic dean? The seventy-five year old one?” 

“Kind of ageist of you.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Kitay took her face in both hands, squishing her cheeks together. “Listen, Rin. I know you slept through sixth grade, but it’s actually okay to have emotions. Crazy, I know.” 

“Emotions are for losers.” 

“And you’re a loser, so it fits perfectly. Repeat after me. I am head-over-heels for a pretty Yin boy, and he is literally so in love with me that he doesn’t think of anything else. ” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Don’t shoot the messenger,” Kitay grinned. “But I’ll be waiting to say ‘I told you so’.” 

Rin glared at him, but somehow she could never do it for long. With anyone else, her glares could last days, but with Kitay, it soon melted into grudging fondness. She closed her laptop and shuffled closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I hate everyone.” 

“I know you do.” 

“What a fun little trip,” Nezha said, mainly to get a reaction out of Rin. “I’m not bored at all.” She whirled on him with a death stare that could bore holes in him. It already had bored holes in his heart.

“You want fun? I’ll show you fun.”

She barged into the storage room and Nezha sat down on one of the chairs. 

Rin had forgotten her dorm key in the lab, and Nezha had volunteered to go help her find it. She’d somehow nicked the key to the lab (Nezha hadn’t asked questions) and she’d found her own key on the floor next to her table. They hadn’t turned on lights so as to not attract attention from the janitor, and now Nezha sat in darkness waiting for Rin to return. 

She came back with two beakers and some thin wire held between her teeth. 

“Putting chemicals in your mouth. Very smart.” 

“It’s just copper, idiot,” she said as she put everything down. “Give me your finger.” 

He held his hand out and she placed the end of the copper wire around his middle finger, twisting it around until it was a tightly coiled cylinder. She slid it off and grinned. 

“This is one of my favourite reactions ever,” she told him. Rin poured some of the clear liquid from one of the beakers into the other, empty one, before filling it up with water. “What do you think happens when you mix solid copper with silver nitrate?” 

Nezha frowned, struggling to remember his secondary school chemistry classes. “An explosion?” 

“Why do you think every reaction I like is an explosion?” 

“Because you’re you.” Rin had even told him once that the reason she’d applied to the chemical engineering program was because she wanted to blow shit up. 

“I resent that. I’m a very sophisticated person.” Nezha snorted as she dunked the copper wire into the clear liquid. For a moment, nothing happened. After a minute, nothing had happened. Rin frowned. “What the fuck?” 

Nezha peared at the side of the beaker. He stifled a laugh. “I might not be good at chemistry, but I’m pretty sure HCl doesn’t stand for silver nitrate.” 

Rin snatched the wire out of the beaker and ran it under the tap. “I did that on purpose.” 

“Of course you did.” 

She disappeared back into the storage room and re-emerged with two new beakers, performing the same process she has done on the hydrochloric acid. After a minute, Nezha exclaimed in surprise. Silver flakes had begun to form on the copper wire.

“It’s a redox reaction,” Rin informed him smugly. 

“Oh, yeah. I hated those.” 

“Only people who can’t do them hate them.” She gently lifted the wire out, the silver flakes clinging to it. “Hold out your hands.” He obeyed. 

Rin tapped the wire gently and thousands of tiny silver flakes fell onto Nezha’s hands, shining softly by the light of the moon outside. She had some on her fingers, too. He held his breath as she reached out, touching the pad of her thumb to his cheek. “Now you look pretty,” she said, grinning. 

“Isn’t there some rule against handling chemicals directly?” 

“Scared of silver, Nezha?” 

“Oh, no. I’m scared of you .” 

“Good.” Her fingers brushed over his face, leaving a trail of silvery powder in their wake. Nezha wasn’t sure he was breathing. He clapped his hands over her head, watching as the silver settled in Rin’s dark hair like thousands of tiny shining flowers. She rolled her eyes at him. “Copycat.” 

“Imitation is the best form of flattery.” 

“You’re stupid.” But she was smiling. And Nezha, well, he hadn’t been able to stop smiling for a year now. 

“Shit!” Nezha stumbled, knocking over the hydrochloric acid and Rin yelped as it splashed over her clothes. Instinct took over as her skin started to tingle and she ran towards the lab shower, yanked at the handle and yelped as the freezing cold water spurted out of the tap and onto her, soaking her to the bone in seconds. “Shit, Rin, I’m so sorry,” Nezha was saying, his voice frantic. Her eyes were closed as she stood shivering under the shower, knowing that she shouldn’t get out for at least another fifteen minutes. “I’m so sorry,” he said again. “Are you hurt?” 

“No.”

“Thank god. I’m sorry. I’m such a fucking idiot.” 

“We know.” She turned towards him, pushing her wet hair out of her face. Gods, she must have looked like a wet dog. He was hovering by the shower as though he wasn’t sure what he should do. “Go look for a towel or something. I don’t know.” 

“Okay. Okay. Of course.” He rushed off, and Rin closed her eyes again. 

You’re a fucking idiot , she thought to herself. What a fantastic idea it had been to sneak into a chemistry laboratory and start playing around with chemicals with no protective equipment. Always wear a lab coat and goggles. That had been drilled into Rin since her first secondary school science class. Even as she stuck a flaming ecluse into a tube of hydrogen, heated up rubidium and performed a bunch of unsafe reactions for fun, she always wore her equipment. But something about Nezha seemed to bring her idiocy to the forefront. 

Fifteen minutes later, she stepped out of the shower and turned it off. Her teeth were chattering, it felt like she had been left out in the snow naked, and Nezha still hadn’t returned. Rin sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to staunch her shivering. Where the hell was he? 

A horrible realization came over her. Being found in the laboratories past authorized times was a misstep worthy of a heavy sanction at Sinegard. Not to mention spilling a strong acid everywhere...Rin let out a deep, shuddering sigh. It felt like her exhale had ripped her heart out of her chest. She didn’t want to believe Nezha had left her here alone, to save his own ass, but as another few minutes passed, she forced herself to confront the reality. Gritting her teeth, she stood up and made her way to the back of the room where she knew they kept protective gloves. 

She cleaned up the hydrochloric acid, dumping the soaking wet paper towels into the garbage. Still no Nezha. Rin mopped up the mess she had made with the shower next. If Kitay could see how much paper I was wasting . She put the silver nitrate back where it belonged, wiped up the remaining silver flakes with another painful tug to her heart. Fuck Nezha , she thought. I wouldn’t have left him like this. Fuck him. Fuck me, too. 

When she stepped out of the laboratory, the door shut with a soft click. The hallway was even colder than the lab, since it led directly down to the ground. The new engineering building was such a pain in her ass. Rin wrapped her arms around herself, weighing the risks of just taking her sodden clothes off as she miserably stumbled outside. She had decided against it when a soft shout reached her ears. 

“Rin!” 

Confused, she turned. Nezha was running towards her, relief apparent on his face. “What the hell?” she snapped. 

“What?” 

“It’s been forty minutes!” She felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes as she said it, and she blinked them away furiously before Nezha could get close enough to see. 

His eyes widened. “Has it? The campus police found me. I had to pretend I lost my phone, so that they’d let me go find it, and then I figured you’d probably want dry clothes too, so I went to get those, and holy shit you’re freezing!” He reached her, placing a hand on her arm. Rin jerked away, doing her best to ignore the confused hurt that flashed through his eyes. Wordlessly, he handed her the towel and a bundle of clothes. 

Rin ducked behind one of the ugly concrete pillars and started to undress. Her freezing wet clothes fell to the floor in a heap, and she started to dry herself. Nezha had probably been through Venka’s closet; the pant legs were ridiculously long, and Rin had to roll them four times to not trip. She furiously rubbed the towel over her head, then slung her sodden clothes into it and stepped back outside. 

Nezha was waiting. He was holding a white tube. “I found this in Venka’s drawer. I heard it helps with burns.” 

Rin squinted at it, then gave him a look. “Are you fucking stupid? You think aloe vera is going to help with chemical burns?” Not that she had any, beyond a slight tingling in her hand. She’d sped to the shower faster than sound.

He scowled. “I was trying to help.” 

“Well, why did you take forty minutes then?” 

“I told you why!” 

“Whatever.” Rin brushed past him and started to march towards the dorms. Her heart still hurt from the aftermath of thinking that Nezha had left her. She was glad of the new clothes, but her wet hair still stuck to her cheeks and the back of her neck, cold drops occasionally dripping down her back. She was definitely going to catch a cold from this. 

She stopped a hundred metres away from the dorm building. “Well that’s fantastic,” she muttered. She’d almost forgotten about the stupid security measures. The night watchman was sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette. Rin dropped her head. 

“What’s wrong?” Nezha had caught up with her. “Just tell him you had an appointment or something. It always works.” 

“For you.” Rin sighed. Because your dad’s a tenured professor and I’m the person nobody even wants here. She didn’t even have the energy to be angry anymore. “Just go in. I’ll find another way.” 

She made her way to the central courtyard and found a bench, dropping the wet bundle at her feet and sinking down on the bench. She drew her knees up to her chest, hugging herself tightly. It was so fucking cold . She raised trembling hands to her hair, trying to squeeze out some of the moisture before giving up and curling up into a ball again. She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes again. Fuck this, fuck everything, fuck Nezha, fuck me. 

Someone sat down next to her. “I thought I told you to go in,” she said. “There’s no sense in both of us freezing our balls off, is there?” 

“Don’t do this, Rin.” She lifted her head slightly, just enough to see him. He was looking at her with a mixture of guilt and something she couldn’t quite identify. 

“You don’t need to stay out here as an apology. It was an accident. I don’t need your fucking pity.”

Nezha sighed. “It’s not pity. Can you just for a second imagine that I actually care about you?” She looked away. He laid a hand on her back and she leaned into his warmth instinctively. “You’re shivering.” 

“What a detective.” She squeaked in surprise as he moved his hand down to her waist and abruptly pulled her towards him. And then Rin was tucked into the warm embrace of his arms, her heart beating so fast she was sure he could hear it. The last time he’d hugged her, it had been like an anchor - just two friends, comforting each other after a scary thing. This time, even though he was only chasing away the cold, Rin felt like fireworks were erupting across her skin. 

“Now that’s not so bad, is it?” Nezha’s tone was lightly teasing. “It’s almost like having another person out here could help keep you warm.” 

“I can keep myself warm,” she answered, even as the heat of his body seeped into hers, quieting the tremors that kept passing through her limbs. “I’m going to get your shirt wet.” 

“Do I look like I give a shit? Just shut up for once.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Do you want me to?” He let go and Rin twisted her head to glare at him, immediately feeling colder. “That’s what I thought.” His hand curled around her hip again. She did her best to ignore the sparks that shot from the contact to her heart.

“Fuck you.” 

“Anytime.” 

She laughed despite herself, the anger leaving her with the sound. Rin leaned into Nezha’s chest, resting her head on his shoulder. “What are we going to do? We’re not going to stay here all night.” 

“Go throw rocks at Kitay’s window.” 

“Kitay’s in Khurdalain.” He was at a conference with one of his professors as a research assistant. 

“Venka, then.”

“She’d leave us out here out of spite,” Rin said, snorting at the thought. She tried not to focus on the way Nezha’s thumb was moving in soft circles over her hip. She tried not to focus on the way he’d pulled her legs over his lap. She tried not to focus on the way she felt the muscles of his arms moving around her every time he shifted. 

Tried, and failed. 

She dared to look up at him. Their faces were so close just then, and she could make out every little thing about him. That porcelain face with no imperfections except that tiny white scar by his left eyebrow - one that she’d given him. It was unnoticeable unless you were inches away. She felt like she’d crossed a barrier, one that wouldn’t close to her again. 

“I am sorry,” Nezha said. 

“I know.” 

“But you’re still mad at me?” 

Rin frowned, turning her head back down but then his fingers were on her chin, keeping her gaze on him. "I'm always mad at you,” she said. He laughed. She held her breath as his thumb brushed over her cheek, hyper-aware of every single point of contact between them. 

“Will you be even angrier if I do this?” 

He was so close now. Their lips were millimeters apart. There was nowhere to run now, no jokes to make, nothing to do except confront the feelings she’d been trying to squash for a year. Rin couldn’t bring herself to answer him. 

She kissed him instead. 

Nezha inhaled sharply, freezing for a split second before pulling her even closer until there was no space left between them. Rin’s mind went aflame and blank all at once, until the giddiness of kissing Nezha took over and it was all she could do to twin her fingers into his silky hair as though it was her only anchor. All she could feel was his lips on hers, his hand on her thigh, his other cradling her neck. 

They were both breathless when Nezha finally pulled away, looking slightly confused but happier than she’d ever seen him. She thought she might die to see that smile again. She realized she wouldn’t have to. 

“Are you still cold?” he murmured, that sweet bemused smile turning into a teasing smirk. Rin shrugged, trying to pretend like her heart wasn’t racing as he swept wet strands of hair out of her face. 

“Could be warmer.” 

He laughed, resting his forehead against hers. “That’s insulting.” 

Rin frowned. “Was this all a ruse? Did you spill acid all over me and make me go through the seven stages of abandonment all so that you could kiss me?” 

“Unfortunately, I didn’t. But I guess now I know what it takes for you to finally become emotionally un-constipated.” 

“Are you calling yourself a laxative?” 

He groaned. “Why do you always have to ruin everything?” 

“You’re the one who brought it up. Watch out before I put an actual laxative in your tea tomorrow morning.” 

“I don’t think that’s legal.” 

“I don’t think I care.”

The night was a blur. Rin remembered one of them having the brainwave of sleeping in Nezha’s car, to avoid the wind. She remembered him finding a towel in his trunk, wrapping her hair in it. She remembered laying down with him, squished together on the backseat, bundled up in each other’s arms. She remembered the brush of his lips against her forehead as he mumbled nonsense into her hair. 

She remembered the feeling of painful happiness that took over her chest, and that hadn’t left since.

“Blowing out candles is unsanitary,” Kitay announced loftily, “but I’ll do it for your sake.” He blew gently on the candles, extinguishing them one by one. His small stack of presents lay discarded on the side. Venka had gotten him a book by a famous mathematician, Nezha had somehow found a centuries-old first edition of a dictionary and Rin...she’d wanted to get him a telescope but she could only afford some new lenses. When she’d given them to him, he’d smiled brighter than the sun. 

“Don’t kill me for saying this,” he’d said, hugging her tight, “but your presence was the only pres ent I needed.” He’d sounded entirely too proud of his terrible pun. Rin had sighed.

“I won’t, but only because it’s your twenty-first birthday.”

“There’s no plates or knives or forks,” Kitay groaned. “Who the fuck planned this party? You’re so incompetent.” 

“I’ll go get something. Gods, you’re annoying.” Rin got up and made her way over to Kitay’s parents’ kitchen. They were having the party at his house in Sinegard city, as it was winter break and she was staying with him anyway. His parents had left for the night, instructing him to not break more than one thing.

She pulled forks out of the drawer then hoisted herself onto the counter to get the fancy dessert plates she knew were stashed at the top. 

“You’re going to drop something.” Clutching the cabinet door, Rin turned to fix Nezha with a death stare. He was leaning against the door frame, watching her amusedly. 

“As if.” She lifted four plates from the stack then closed the cabinet door, balancing precariously on the granite counter. Okay. Maybe this had been a bad idea. “Come take these.” 

He crossed the room, taking them from her and setting them on the other counter behind him. Nezha wrapped his hands around the backs of her knees as he looked up at her. 

“Imagine being short,” he said. “Couldn’t be me.” 

“Short people live longer.” 

He cocked his head. “Are you saying you’ll outlive me?” 

Rin shrugged, leaning down and supporting her hands on his shoulders. “Is that a challenge?” she murmured against his lips. 

“ Is it?” 

“You’re so fucking weird.” 

Nezha wrapped his arms around her thighs. “Do I get to buy you birthday presents now?” 

“No.” 

“Why?” 

She frowned. In truth, she didn’t really have a reason. Yes, she hated being indebted to people but Nezha had made some good arguments over the past few months. She let Kitay buy her things more expensive than what she bought him. Why couldn’t she do the same for Nezha?

Because that would mean letting him in. 

Well maybe she was ready to. 

“Maybe. In moderation. You’re not my fucking sugar daddy. And when I start making my own money I’m going to buy you better presents.”

He grinned widely then, and lifted her off the counter. “I’m sure you will. Now let’s stop making out in the Chen kitchen.” 

Kitay’s skill at academics apparently did not translate to cake-cutting. After he absolutely butchered the first slice, Venka snatched the knife from him, nearly taking Nezha’s eye out, and started to cut perfect triangles that were all somehow the exact same size. “It’s called having eyes,” she informed them. 

“You literally wear contacts.” 

“Shut up.” 

Rin threw herself down onto the couch next to Kitay as the other two sat on the floor around the coffee table. She nestled her head against him as she accepted a plate of cake, using her fork to steal the lone strawberry from Kitay’s. His mouth opened in shock. 

“It’s my birthday!” 

“And it’s my strawberry.” She popped it into her mouth. Kitay punched her forehead gently. 

“I hate you.” 

“I know.” 

“Your dad’s hot,” Rin said absently. Nezha, who was lying with his head on her lap, made a choking sound. 

“Excuse me?” 

The four of them were in a field, watching the stars peek out from behind clouds. Curfew had finally been lifted, and it was a long weekend in honour of the first day of the Nikara Republic. Two empty bottles of sorghum wine lay on the grass next to them, as Kitay counted the stars and Venka made rude comments about everyone’s appearance. 

“It’s a compliment. It means you’ll also be hot when you’re his age.” She stroked Nezha’s hair, leaned back onto Kitay who shoved her off, continuing to count his stars. 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Nezha muttered. But Venka poked him. 

“Do you think being hot when you’re old is genetic?” 

“I think so,” Rin replied, as Nezha pressed his hands to his ears. “We should ask Professor Jima.” 

“Great idea. Fantastic idea. Kitay, stop counting stars.”

“I will count all of them,” he whispered. “Astronomers say that we can’t because they’re too far. But I will .” 

“What about the ones in the other hemisphere?” Rin asked. He frowned. 

“Shut up.” 

“You’re finished talking about my dad now? Great.” Nezha removed his hands from his ears and lifted them to Rin’s face, pulling her down to kiss her. Her chin hit his nose and he swore as Venka laughed and laughed. 

“What a hot mess you are.” 

“Says the girl who doesn’t even know how to talk to her crush.” 

“Niang likes it when I’m rude.” 

“Sure.” 

“I like it when Rin’s rude,” Nezha announced. 

“Yeah. I know. Now shut up.” Rin patted his head affectionately. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Kitay interrupted his counting to inform Nezha that he was a fucking simp, then resumed. “Three thousand and ninety-eight, three thousand and ninety-nine…” 

“Don’t people get murdered out in fields at night?” Rin asked. “Isn’t that what happens in horror movies? Are we going to get murdered?” 

“Yes. By me,” Venka winked. “At least, Kitay is, if he doesn’t stop counting his stars.” 

Rin pushed Nezha off herself and dove into Venka’s path as she lunged at Kitay. The two girls wrestled, laughing, rolling into Kitay and knocking him over. 

“Fuck you!” Kitay groaned. “I was nearly done!” 

“Liar.” Rin squealed as he fell on top of her, pummeling each other like five year olds. “Ow! Did you just bite me?” 

“Yes, and you taste disgusting,” Kitay said, spitting onto the grass dramatically. He was probably the most drunk out of all of them. Rin pinched his nose and started to run away. 

Strong arms wrapped around her middle and she shrieked as Nezha swung her up into the air. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going? To run into the woods and get eaten by a wolf?” 

“No. I’m going to eat a wolf.” 

“What if it has rabies?”

“Then I’ll eat those too.”

She twisted in his arms and caught her breath. The pale moonlight washed over his face, outlining every ridge and line. He looked like he had been bathed in silver, like that night in the lab. “Why are you so pretty?” 

“I hear it’s genetic.” He set her back down and she immediately started to run again, this time towards Kitay and Venka. The four of them collapsed into a laughing heap of tangled limbs, yelling at each other. 

Rin elbowed Kitay, kicked at Venka and Nezha, yelping as she received a series of blows in return. She couldn’t stop laughing. She never wanted to. 

She wanted it to always be like this. The four of them, getting drunk on sorghum wine and giggling under the stars, their love for each other as tangible as the sweet-smelling grass and shining white moon.