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Haru hadn't wanted it to happen. He never wanted anything like that to happen. But the issue was - it had happened. And worse - he couldn't stop thinking about it. He attempted to clear his mind of the thoughts, the memories, but his head was practically over flowing with them. Rin's perfect body slipping into the water. His smile, slightly lopsided from the effects of the alcohol. That look in his eyes. The way his lips locked so perfectly with Haru's own. The way he pushed Haru against the side of the pool and bit hard on his shoulder.
Haru's eyes snapped open at the emersion of the memory, and he shot a panicked look to Makoto, who still slept gently beside him. Sighing with relief, he sat up in the bed. Glancing back over his shoulder, he stopped.
Makoto was beautiful when he was sleeping, Haru always thought so. So peaceful. Occasionally a gentle smile would cross the brunette's lips that would make Haru fall even more in love with him, wondering what he dreamt of. He was really the perfect boyfriend in every way. Right now, as Haru looked over the boy he loved, he wondered how he could be so foolish. But of course it wasn't that simple. It never was.
Still, Haru gently stroked his boyfriend's hair, entranced by his beauty.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, yet there seemed to be no emotion behind the words. Leaning down, Haru pushed a gentle kiss to Makoto's cheek.
"Haru..." The sleeping boy murmured, stirring slightly, before nuzzling into the pillow and moaning softly. Haru's lips twitched into the smallest smile at the sight.
"I love you." Haru's voice caught as he spoke. He rarely said the words out loud. But now, ironically, it felt appropriate. He pushed up from the bed, leaving the room and heading for the bathroom, slipping into his Iwatobi jacket as he did.
His stare was vacant, as always, as he watched himself in the mirror. Somehow he looked different today. Or maybe that was just his mind punishing him for what he did. Because, really, the only notable physical change was the stark red bite mark on his shoulder which was just visible where his jacket had slipped down. He ran a finger over the mark, chewing lightly on his lower lip as the memories returned.
He'd been running. That's how the whole thing started - all because Haruka couldn't sleep and decided to go running. He'd kissed Makoto goodbye chastely and told him not to wait up, then left the apartment.
It had been an hour or so of pointlessly running when Haru had found himself outside Samezuka Academy. He hadn't intended to end up there. Not consciously, at least.
He had been frowning at the gates to the school, about to turn back when he was tugged into the bushes. He attempted to call out, but a hand covered his mouth.
"How come the one time I don't want you to talk, you take to screaming?" Haru relaxed into the contact at the sound of Rin's voice, although it seemed to have a strange tone to it. Rin removed his hand from Haru's lips and stepped back, causing Haru to gasp a little. "Calm down, cutie. It's only me."
"You're drunk." Haru stated calmly, turning back to look at Rin.
"Why are you here, Haru? This isn't your school." Rin tilted his head, completely ignore Haru's statement. "Did you come for me?"
"No, I-"
"Did you come to swim?" Rin pushed, stepping - or, more accurately, stumbling - back towards Haru.
"No." Haru replied simply.
"Swim with me!" Rin ordered, taking Haru's hand and tugging him inside the school premises.
"Rin!" Haru hissed.
"Seriously!" Rin laughed, kicking open the door to the pool. "I want to swim with you."
"This is a bad idea." Haru commented quietly when Rin pulled him into the large building.
"Late night swims are romantic." Rin's words caused had Haru to frown a little and shoot him an accusing look. "Whatever."
"Rin..." Haru begun, but his words had been lost when the redhead started to remove his clothes. His Samezuka jacket - which Haru noted he always wore so well - slipped from his shoulders, exposing his bare back. Haru was breathing heavily, his heart still racing from the previous harassment. Rin frowned when he noticed Haru's hesitation and sauntered back to stand beside him.
"Don't you want to swim with me?" He whispered, his tone unnecessarily seductive. "Come on, Haru. Don't you want to just dive in and feel the water? Are you really going to turn down the opportunity to swim?"
Haru did not reply, instead he tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it aside carelessly. He knew Rin was right - there was no way he was going to give up the chance to swim. Pushing down his track pants, Haru noted Rin's laughter and shot him a look.
"Seriously?" Rin smirked, gesturing to Haru's swimsuit. "Even now? When you're running? Do you ever take them off?"
Haru ignored the questions and dived into the pool, feeling the water trace over his skin. Surfacing, he sighed peacefully and closed his eyes.
"Haru..." Rin's voice was strangely soft, considering his state of intoxication. He sat on the edge of the pool, dropping his legs in, and watched as the Iwatobi swimmer glided through the water towards him. Haru folded his arms of the edge and looked up at Rin expectantly.
"You always look so beautiful in the water." Rin smiled gently, patting Haru's head in a way unique to only drunkards.
"Thank you." Haruka murmured, unsure of what to say.
"How are things with Makoto?" Rin questioned randomly, looking out over the water with a frown.
"Good." Haru replied quietly.
Rin rolled his lips together and nodded, before sighing gently. "Shoulda guessed."
"Rin." Haru blinked up at the redhead curiously. "What do you mean?"
"It doesn't matter." Rin shrugged, forcing a wobbly, drunk smile. "Are we gonna swim or what?"
He slipped into the water with a gentle splash.
"Why did you reply like that?" Haru pushed, not wanting to let the subject drift away.
"I didn't." Rin yawned, before shrugging and dropping suddenly under the water. Haru promptly followed, their lack of goggles blurring the vision both boys.
Grabbing Haru's wrist, Rin tugged him forwards, their bodies meeting under the water. Haru felt his heart begin to inexplicably race when Rin's face was so close to his own. Rin placed his hands on Haru's waist, and Haru felt no compulsion to push him away.
Suddenly, Rin pushed up out of the water with a gasp, unable to hold his breath any longer. Haru lifted his head from the pool, breathing in softly as he watched Rin.
"Did you mean what you said?" Rin whispered. Haru continued to stare blankly at him. "When I asked you if you loved me, you told me that you had once, but didn't anymore?"
Haru paused before answering. "Yes."
Rin's breath caught and he turned away. "Oh."
"I love Makoto. He cares for me." Haru whispered, the water around him lapping at his neck and jawline.
"I care for you!" Rin snapped suddenly, pushing Haru back against the side of the pool. "I've always cared for you!"
"He's different." Haru looked down at the water between them, how it sloshed around in the small space between their chests.
"No!" Rin dropped his head to Haru's shoulder, his voice weakening as he began to cry. "It was supposed to be me. You were supposed to choose me!"
"He didn't play mind games with me, Rin. He just told that he wanted me." Haru's voice was as monotone and plain as ever, as if the conversation meant nothing to him.
"I did tell you!" Rin whispered, his emotions not allowing him to speak any louder. "That morning... After we... As I held you, I told you a hundred times that I loved you."
"Why?" Haru asked quietly, not out loud displaying how heavily the words had hit him. "Why did you never tell me properly?"
"Because I was scared, okay?!" Rin had yelled, snapping his head up to look into Haruka's eyes. "I was a coward, because I thought you'd never say it back!"
"I need to go home." Haru whispered, pushing Rin back a little and pulling himself out of the pool.
"You know what, Nanase? Do what you want!" Rin called after Haru as he walked away. "Just know that he'll never love you like I do! No one could come close to what I feel for you!"
Haru paused his exit, his breath catching almost unnoticeably, but didn't turn back.
"He's safe. I get that. He looks after you and it's all so fucking perfect with him." Rin paused, his shoulders rising and falling heavily from the water with his shaky breaths. His voice lowered, weakened by emotion. "But I... I could look after you... I could be with you and I could make it perfect... We could be perfect, Haru."
Haru still chose not to move. He wanted to leave, to go back home and sleep in Makoto's arms again. He was secure there, and he knew that. But there was something that wasn't letting him move. Something he'd been denying for a long time. Something that Rin's confession had awoken. So, he just froze.
"Haru..." Rin pulled himself from the pool weakly and carefully progressed over to the other swimmer. "Please..."
"I can't do this..." Haru murmured, retrieving his clothes quickly, still refusing to as much as glance at Rin.
"Oh, how kind of you to grace me with a four word reply!" Rin snapped sarcastically, Haru's vacant nature obviously frustrating him more than ever. "You're selfish, Nanase! You lead me on! You let me believe that you actually cared about me! And then you expected me to just forget about that when you started sleeping with your best friend! That's not how this works! I can't switch off what I feel for you!"
A painful silence had fallen over them again, broken only by the sloshing of the pool and Rin's harsh breathing. He stared at the back of Haru's head, waiting for even the slightest reaction, but was rewarded with nothing.
However, Haru's thoughts were anything but silent. He was contemplating every word Rin spoke, second guessing his own feelings. He took a deep breath but said nothing.
"Haru, talk to me!" Rin demanded, grabbing Haru's shoulder and turning him to face him. "Stop being such a-"
His words were cut off when Haru kissed him. Admittedly, Haru had absolutely no idea what he was doing or why. He just knew that he needed to kiss Rin in that moment. He could have both of them, right? This could work. He just had to completely eradicate all thoughts of what he was doing to Makoto.
"What are you doing?" Rin gasped, pulling back, obviously realizing what he was doing past the initial pleasure.
"I need your insanity." Haru had replied simply, his eyes boring into Rin's, before he moved away, retreating to dive back into the pool.
"Wha- Bu- I-" Rin stared blankly at the water, before realizing that he really couldn't pass up this opportunity. Makoto would be fine, he surmised. He quickly dropped back into the water and swam over to Haru, pulling him in for another kiss (and being very relieved when Haru didn't push him back).
"Haru," he breathed, dropping his forehead to Haru's and closing his eyes. "Do you really want me? I can't do this again - I can't get you and then have you torn from me immediately."
Haru didn't reply, choosing instead to simply kiss Rin slowly. It wasn't like their previous kisses, it was softer. Gentle and loving.
"I wish I didn't need you so much." Rin whispered sadly. "I can't stop fighting for you."
"I know." Haru replied simply, taking hold of Rin's hand under the water.
"I love you so much. I just can't stop." Rin confessed, trailing his fingertips down Haru's neck. Haru took a deep breath and nodded quickly, showing he understood.
"When did you stop loving me?" Rin begged, looking into Haru's eyes now, pleading for the truth. He needed to know the reason why he'd ruined this.
"Never." Haru admitted after a pause, not allowing his eyes to stray from Rin's. It was the first time he'd actually confessed it to anyone, even himself.
"But..." Rin was shaking and Haru told himself it was because of how cold their shoulders were above the water, but he knew that was a lie. "You said..."
"I lie." Haru stared down into the water now.
"How do I know you're not lying now?" Rin's voice wavered slightly, placing his hands on Haru's waist below the water.
"I wish I was." Haru breathed the words, making them barely audible.
"Please don't leave me again." Rin pleaded quietly, taking Haru's face in his hands and connecting their eyes again. "I can't... I wouldn't know how to... I just..."
"I won't." Haru promised and then they had kissed again, and soon things had spiralled away and they were lost in each other once again.
And now Haruka was torn. He had a choice to make. He couldn't betray Makoto any more thank he already had and Rin couldn't continue to be his second choice. He'd never realized how much Rin had meant to him until last night - how crazily in love he actually was. In any other circumstance, it would be beautiful. But like this it was terrible.
He needed to choose…
Before anyone else got hurt.