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Weiss Schnee had rules.
Laws constructed by the hands of her and her family, tattooed into the very essence of her, restricting her very being with their importance. She never thought of breaking them, honestly—it was far easier to simply bend them, to feel a brief discomfort in her actions and thoughts rather than have her entire self shattered by her own lack of discipline.
She wasn’t always quite sure of her own rules regardless, but it felt instinctual at this point—a bite of cold at the base of her spine meant wrong and that was all she needed to know.
She knew one thing, for sure—touch violated all of them.
There was one thing that Weiss Schnee was absolutely certain about, and that was she didn’t like to be touched. Not to mention that her mother and father seemed to have the belief that such things were beneath people of their standing. (Or whatever excuse they came up with for not hugging her and her siblings enough as a child.)
There were times where there was no avoiding the matter—but still, she held onto the conviction of personal space. So, she didn’t like hugs, as nice as they might’ve been for other people, whenever given one she never knew what to do. Not only would her personal space be invaded, but so would her mind—giving hugs wasn’t something she did, wasn’t something she knew how to do.
Of course, that didn’t stop her from being the recipient of some touch. (And it didn’t stop her from wanting some, maybe a brief hug from her sister, or the subtle interlocking of fingers from her brother.)
Unfortunately for her, despite her slight desire for physical comfort, even if she wanted what was happening (a hug, more often than naught) it didn’t stop her from feeling suffocated and wrong.
That’s just how it was for her, there was no way around that.
(Sometimes, even when one of her teammates did something simple, grasping her hand, her wrist, her shoulder—she felt as though she might throw up—the weight of their hands, their fingers, crippling.)
It was simple to say that a good person followed the rules.
But Weiss had never been very good at being a person.
The first time that it happened, Weiss had assumed it was a fluke. She was exhausted, the school day was trying and frustrating—the call from her father afterward even more so. She felt a steady, thrumming ache in her chest, a pulsating pain that set her shoulders high and stiff, that made her fists clench. She couldn’t tell if she was angry or frustrated or even sad, the only thing she was absolutely sure of was the distinct pain weighing her down by her chest.
Ever the sufferer in silence, she decided to go to bed early, wrapping her comforter around her and curling in on herself, screwing her eyes shut and focusing on regulating her breathing.
She was lucky, Blake and Yang were gone for the evening, likely not to return until much later, and Ruby was busy doing her homework in the top bunk. If that luck persisted, Weiss would get the time to calm herself down, to steady her racing heart.
She should have known better, she’d never been a very fortunate person.
“Weeeeiss!” Ruby started from the top bunk, her voice a whine. “I’m booooored!”
A muffled groan escaped itself into her pillow. “Do your homework.” She grumbled just loud enough for Ruby to hear. She reluctantly opened her eyes, finding Ruby peering down at her from her bed. Since she was upside down her hood had enshrouded her head, her hair falling from her forehead.
She was pouting.
Weiss scowled.
“The rest of it isn’t due until next week,” Ruby said, another whine escaping her mouth. “Can’t we just do something fun for a little while? Like a break? Please ?”
“No.” Weiss hissed, turning her back toward Ruby and facing the wall.
“What’s the matter?” Ruby asked, lifting the blanket from Weiss’ body, poking at her back repeatedly.
Weiss forced herself not to lash out, exhaling through her nose and drawing her knees closer to her chest, letting her eyes remain stubbornly shut.
“Please do not touch me.” She managed out, rolling around so that her body was facing her partner but not daring to look her in the eye. Weiss was so tired, she didn’t know what to do about her, but she knew it would be best if she at least tried to be open with her.
“Oh, sorry.” Her words were genuinely apologetic, and the sense of relief that struck Weiss with them was strong. “Here, lemme just—” Ruby scooted onto the bed, tucking her legs as close to her as possible so that they wouldn’t be touching. It was still too close regardless, but Weiss sort of appreciated the effort.
“Look.” She began through a sigh, allowing her eyes to open. Ruby was close, cheek smushed against Weiss’ pillow and eyes wide and attentive. It was sort of cute, in a weird Ruby sort of way. “I am... not well, at the moment; so I’ll make for rotten company, I do not wish to say something uncouth or... harsh.”
Her partner blinked for a moment, a light blinking brightly behind her eyes. “You’re in a bad mood.”
“Yes.” Weiss nodded in relief. “Yes, I am in a bad mood.”
“Sorry, Weiss.” Ruby scoots away a bit, trying to give her as much space as she can without getting off of the bed. It seems a difficult task, and it isn’t very successful, but Weiss admires her for it anyway. “Is there anything I can do for you? Just name it and I’ll do my best to get it.”
“That’s kind of you.” She murmured softly. “I’m just tired, Ruby—it’s... it’s complicated.”
“I probably won’t understand it then,” Ruby noted thoughtfully to herself. “How about I just stay with you? You won’t have to speak a word—and I know how much you hate feeling alone.”
Weiss bristled. “I am perfectly capable of handling myself.”
“Of course,” Ruby interjected hastily. “But that doesn’t mean you have to like it.”
“I—” She pursed her lips. “I do despise you when you are right.”
Ruby grinned, lopsided and playful. “Hate me a lot then?”
“Not often.” Weiss reached up and flicked her forehead. The air still seemed charged with something—the atmosphere loaded with a heaviness that sat lazily and persistently on their shoulders. Perhaps that is why the next words that left her mouth came out far too seriously. “I don’t see how I ever could have.”
“That’s—” Ruby paused, short-circuiting. “Nice... thank you. I think.”
“Don’t thank me for the truth.”
“I’ll always thank you for not lying,” Ruby said quietly. “You could, you could do it so many times to me, but you don’t.”
She stilled. “I’m sure I have lied to you before.”
“You haven’t.” She said, sounding entirely sure of herself. “Not that I can remember, whenever you don’t want to tell me something you either snap at me or avoid the question.”
Weiss winced. “Not very subtle of me.”
“Well, it’s not like I need you to be subtle.” She reached out, linking her pinky with Weiss’ own. “Why would I want you to be anything but yourself?”
And oh—why wouldn’t she want that?
Subtlety was important, she had Whitley had needed the gracefulness of muffling themselves to survive. No matter how violent the stripping down was, they were always sure to rip the parts of themselves that their father would not like from their bodies. Whitely was better at it than she was, but she still did it, still ran away from the entirety of herself that she had closed off at such a young age.
It was a rule, and Weiss couldn’t break it.
But hadn’t she just? Hadn’t Weiss allowed herself to be consumed by herself when away from the careless whims of her father? Hadn’t Ruby noticed enough of Weiss that there was no way she could keep these things to herself anymore?
With those words, with the warmth of her skin, Ruby had broken Weiss’ rule.
And wasn’t that a wonderful thing to behold?
She broke discipline next.
It is not a very hard rule to break. All it takes is a moment of immense passion or feeling, a second where she allows herself to be taken by the whims of her own mind or imagination. It’s an easy rule to break, especially when Ruby grasps her hand as they walk through the halls—when she clings to her side excitedly or tugs her up and around to see one thing or another. It’s discipline that keeps her from imploding, but it’s the lack of it that makes Weiss allow such lapses of decorum.
She’s not quite used to it, the touch of someone—especially someone like Ruby, who gives it so freely, as though touch was as simple as breathing or eating. It’s a strange thought, the fact that someone she knows gives it to her so simply.
It’s not as though Ruby is the only member of her team who likes to initiate touch, Yang makes herself known to everyone with a pat on the back or a slap to the shoulder, but it’s different with Ruby. It makes Weiss feel softer somehow, like beside her partner she was cradling something very gentle inside of her chest.
“You touch me a lot,” Weiss said the moment after Ruby removed her face from her neck. She had been rambling on about something or another, squealing in excitement and not being able to control herself well enough to go in for a swooping embrace. It had left Weiss’ resolve in shambles, and the words had escaped her lips before she could think of anything otherwise.
“I—what?” Ruby’s voice is higher than normal, strung out and strangled, as though what Weiss had said had sent her terribly off-kilter.
Weiss’ cheeks burn. “I just mean that, er, well you like hugs and things.”
“Oh! Oh, oh right of course—” Ruby scrambled, bouncing on the balls of her feet and pulling herself harshly away from Weiss as she nervously played with her hair. “That is exactly the way I took that! I don’t know how else I would have thought about your words or whatever, um...”
“No! No, I should have taken more care with my words,” Weiss interjected frantically, trying not to miss the softness that came with Ruby holding her. “I—er, I was admittedly not thinking very much because you were touching me.”
Ruby blinked. “Because I was touching you?”
“Well.” Weiss paused, twitching. “Yes.”
“Oh.” There was a pleased note in her voice. “Gotcha.”
“I—I like touching when it’s you,” Weiss explained to her after a quiet moment, fighting the urge to look away from her or do something as ridiculous as run away. “I’m afraid it does wear on me sometimes, however.”
“Do you want me to do it less? Or ask first?”
Weiss was struck at the moment—it was such a little thing that Ruby would do to accommodate her, the bare minimum really, but it struck her silent all the same. “Small things are fine, but... could you ask for things such as hugs? That would help.”
“Got it!” Ruby grinned brightly—and it was like the sun lived in the curve of her mouth, the flush in her cheeks. She opened her arms up wide, “Hug?”
She paused, before conceding with a flustered little smile. “Hug.”
Weiss was aware at that moment that what she had allowed Ruby to do, the hug that they were both participating in, was a heinous lapse in her discipline. Not that she actually cared much, the warmth of Ruby’s embrace a far too easy thing to lose herself in.
The next rule to be shattered is preparation.
Weiss thrived on things like schedules, her day planned down to the minute sometimes. It was just easier that way, to prepare herself for what might happen during a day so that she wasn’t caught off guard. She knew that being a huntress was probably not the best because of the lack of control she would likely have in the field, but she was ready and willing to adapt.
(After immense preparation of course.)
She had not prepared herself for the possibility of developing a crush of all things—and not just any crush either, a silly, juvenile crush on her team leader and partner. It’s not like it was hard to develop such feelings, Ruby really was amazing—kind and understanding, but unwilling to allow Weiss to get away with her less than stellar behavior.
If things were different, Weiss would like to think that it would have actually been a semi-acceptable match. Sure, Ruby wasn’t exactly as well known as Weiss was, but her accomplishments were notable enough for Winter at least to be sort of accepting of any possible relationship.
(And really, Winter’s opinion was the only one that honestly mattered to Weiss in things like this, and Ruby had already managed to impress her sister a little—not that Ruby actually knew that.)
Regardless, there was really no point in dwelling on that fact considering that there was no way Ruby felt the same.
Weiss was not delusional, thank you very much. Not to mention that this was one of the first instances of genuine friendship that she’d ever had in her life. Why would she bother to put that in jeopardy? Weiss didn’t think she could tough out the awkwardness that came with a rejected confession, so until she was strong enough to deal with that her mouth would stay very much closed.
The only thing was, well.
Ruby was getting easier to touch.
Small things first, with Weiss initiating the moments with little to no thought. Pressing her thumb and forefinger to Ruby’s wrist, grasping her palm gently, straightening up her school uniform—not minding when the tips of her nails brushed against Ruby’s neck or shoulders. Small things, soft things.
But enough to notice, enough for Blake and Yang to exchange looks from the corner of their eyes, enough for their friends to grow quiet and contemplative when Weiss and Ruby go off to study on their own. It isn’t a surprise when Blake mentions it, her voice quiet and just a tad teasing. But it is a surprise when Yang mentions it, with little more than a “Careful not to find yourself on the end of my sister’s scythe, Schnee—as funny as the thought is I don’t want to have to see that.”
(Implying that Yang was confident Ruby could take care of herself, but just enough of a threat to make sure that Weiss knew Yang would be every step of the way.)
Weiss was then sure to make sure that her feelings were no longer so obviously on display. It would not do for someone to use this against her, and it was important to her that she was prepared for the inevitability of doing so. No enemy was above stooping so low, she knew, one of the more important things that her father had managed to instill in her.
Ruby made it hard to want to stay silent, however. Every smile shot her way made Weiss want to do something ridiculous—to sing from the rooftops or bring her flowers or some other sappy gesture from cliche romantic movies.
(But wouldn’t it be so nice to indulge in such a thing? To allow herself to be normal, just this once, with something she cared about so much?)
Weiss pushed the thoughts away with a sigh. Either way, she would endeavor to enjoy the moments she spent with her partner, regardless of the status of their relationship. (Or lack thereof.)
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Ruby’s voice interrupted her brooding.
Weiss blinked for a moment, fighting the urge to yawn. They were in the dorm and had just come back from a lesson so boring that even Weiss had been tempted to take a nap. “Hmm? Nothing in particular.”
“I can hear the gears turning from here.” She pointed out, spinning in the swivel chair before shooting her an exaggerated scrutinizing look.
Her eyes rolled as she leaned back into her bed, groaning when her shoulders popped. “Clearly, your hearing must be impaired in some way.”
“Uh, huh.” Ruby made a face, cheeks a little flushed before she blurted out, “Do you want to go feed the chickens with me? Yang’s busy angsting over something with Blake.”
“Of course she is.” It was hardly a surprise, Weiss thought with an annoyed sigh. “Alright,” She waved her hand lazily, “just give me a moment.”
“Yes!” Ruby cheered, pumping up her fist in excitement. “It’ll be so much fun, Weiss—I just know it.”
“Yes, yes.” She fought the urge to roll her eyes, sitting back up and pushing herself off her mattress with a yawn.
“I’ve been trying to get you to come to visit the chickens with me forever.” Ruby rambled on excitedly, beaming over at her as she got up and skipped toward the door. “I’m glad you caved.”
Weiss stills when Ruby stands in front of her, smiling so broadly—as though it was the easiest thing in the world looking at her. Ruby sure knew how to make a person feel wanted, it was a wonder that smitten students hadn’t approached her yet. A twinge of something like jealousy struck her suddenly, but she swallowed it down so easily it was like breathing. She had always been a possessive person, but she knew better than to try and act that way when it came to a person.
Still, the urge to take Ruby up in her arms and just hold her there was impossible to ignore.
“Well...” She paused thoughtfully, “I’ll go with you on one condition.”
“What?! But you already agreed!” Ruby whined out, a prevalent pout on her face.
Weiss grimaced but stood her ground stubbornly. “I would like a hug, please.”
Ruby snorted, “I’d give you one of those regardless.”
“Still.” She said and repeated herself. “I would like a hug, please.”
The significance of such a request was not lost upon Ruby, but it was clear that she would not put Weiss through the pain of being serious about it. She opened her arms invitingly, and Weiss was unprepared by the urge to be close to her, to bury her face into her neck or her hair and just stay there.
She swallowed the lump in her throat, almost tripping over herself to move forward and bring Ruby forward into her arms. It was abrupt, a quick pull to her body, and then a moment or two of silence as Ruby eagerly returned the hug.
Weiss stepped away suddenly, her movements jerky and awkward as she fought the blush down from her face. “Right. Thank you.”
“Alright! Chicken time now? Or do you need a kiss too?” Ruby laughed like it was a joke, but for a moment Weiss could have sworn she was utterly serious.
“Shut your mouth.” Weiss hissed, flushing even darker, moving to grasp her hand and lead her out of the dorm room. “It’s chicken time now.”
“Uh, huh.” Ruby’s voice was teasing. “Don’t worry, Weiss—I’ll totally show you the ropes... of chicken feeding I mean.”
Weiss doubted severely that was what she meant.