Archive of Our Own

Can I come over?

It's a message he's gotten from Dee far too often nowadays. There was conflict brewing in the Shvagenbagen household recently. Nothing aggressive or bond breaking, but there had been some tension between Dee and his family as of late. Ches didn't know all the details because Glam didn't know them either. But as he sat and listened to his blond friend anxiously ramble and grip his cup during their afternoon lunches he gathered some information. 

Dee was being more distant than usual, even towards Heavy whom he cared a lot about. The two children still hung out, but their time together often ended either abruptly or with a fight. The fights were always resolved but Glam had noticed Heavy seemed more confused than angry afterward. Dee had also been spending less and less time with Glam despite the two usually being so close. It was such a strange situation and none of the parents could make sense of it.

"I expected as much when they got older, teens usually do get into mischief and want some space." Glam had said a couple days ago, " But there's something wrong and I just...can't place my finger on it . And neither of them want to even talk to Vicky or me anymore…"

Seeing the great Glam Shvagenbagen stumped was certainly a rare sight to see. Ches wished he could offer more support than reassurances but neither kid has really come to him about their troubles directly. Dee came by more often to practice in peace and sometimes Heavy accompanied him though both seemed to just be using the shop as a place for some reprieve. Reprieve from what? Ches had no idea. But he figured the answer would come soon enough. 

Ches looks at the message for a moment before responding. Sure. Just you?

A couple seconds later; Yeah. I'll be over in 15.

Interesting. Ches sets the phone down and goes about tidying some things up before the youngest blond comes to his door. He didn't mind the other's presence and, if he were being honest, he was relieved for it. Ches had worried the secret of his crush on Glam would push Dee away or make things awkward. However it seemed to have the opposite effect. Dee seemed much more comfortable with Ches and the two talked a lot more. Why did Dee feel more open after hearing the secret? Ches had no idea. But he wondered if it had to do less with the fact he loved Glam and more about the fact that Ches seemed to be just as hopeless of a romantic as Dee. Both tried to hide that part about themselves, though only Ches had managed to succeed.  

Not that he was so surprised. Ches had years of experience over the young blond. Hiding his emotions and avoiding conflict had been a specialty of his. A necessity growing up, but now a cool trick to use in order to keep himself looking aloof. Even Glam had a hard time getting a read on Ches despite the years between them. He knew it irritated the guitarist that he couldn't read him easily, but Ches preferred it that way. ' It's better if you don't know everything' , Ches had cheekily told him once years ago. Glam had not been amused. 

A knock at his door takes him out of his thoughts and he sits up from the couch to answer it. Sure enough Dee's there; alone as promised. But there's something...off. Something he can't quite put a finger on just yet. "Hey, long time no see."

"Yeah…" Dee frowned and shoved his hands into his jacket as he walked in, "Sorry for the late notice just...needed a place to stay for a bit."

"No worries." He notices the lack of guitar and the extra cologne that he was wearing. Odd. "You going out tonight?"

"I did, just a little bit." Dee shrugs, "Wasn't much going on."

"Party?"

"House party, but it wasn't that fun."

"I feel ya. Nothing worse than a sleeper party. Been to a few of those back in the day."

That manages a slight smile out of Dee and the blond looks at him, "What did you do? Just stick around?"

"Well I'd find ways to make it exciting. Whether that be by trying to liven up the place or, you know, liven myself up." Ches mimics smoking a joint and smiles when Dee snickers, "I don't recommend it for you, though. Still way too young."

"Sure, sure." Dee moves around to sit on the couch, "How do you know I haven't already tried some?"

Ches snorts, "Please. I'd smell it on you a mile away." he goes to the kitchen, "Want anything to drink?"

"I'm fine."

Not thinking much of it, Ches goes to grab another beer from the fridge. It was practically water compared to the heavy shit he used to drink back in his youth. But even if it has been ages since Ches has kept a bottle of liquor under his bed, he still needed something to take the edge off. Vicky understood him better than Glam did when it was brought up. But then again, he and Vicky grew up in similar circumstances so she probably wasn't the best moral coach for this type of thing. But that's neither here nor there. 

When he comes back he moves to take a seat on the couch but stops as he notices Dee holding a pink perfume bottle with a round base and long neck. Shit, he thought he cleared everything out...Dee stares at it with a frown, "This yours?"

The brunette briefly debates saying it was, but figures the kid would be smart enough to see through it."No. Cherry's perfume; she's a new girl I'm seeing." he shrugs.

Dee frowns deeply at that and looks at Ches. "Girlfriend?"

"Guess you can say that."

"How long?"

"Eh, we started dating about two weeks ago." Dee looks toward the hallway and Ches shakes his head. "No, she's not here. She works the night shift at a bar next town over."

The answers don't seem to please Dee but the blonde eventually sets the bottle on the coffee table. He watches as Ches takes it and puts it off toward the side. He stares at it even as Ches takes a seat next to him before he finally speaks once more, ""How did you meet?"

Ches furrows his brows slightly, "What?"

"Cherry. How did you meet her?"

"Well," he sighs, "Was out of town for a friend's birthday party. Stopped at the bar she worked at. Said some shit to her, she said some shit back...then we hit it off. Usual stuff."

"Is she blonde?"

That makes Ches frown some, "Yes."

"Blue eyes?"

"...Yes." All Ches' girlfriends were blonde and blue eyed. All of them. A little detail that no one seemed to pick up on in all of his years of dating. But now Dee had and he seemed unsatisfied with the connection once he realized why.

"Hmm." Dee frowns and looks away. "What is she like?"

"Is this an interview? Why are you so curious?" Ches scoffs.

"I just want to know." he shrugs, "Cherry sounds like a hooker's name...”

“ Cherry is my girlfriend. So don’t say shit about her.”

“You don’t even love her. Or plan to love her.” 

This again... Ches sighs, “That’s not her fault. And even if I don’t, it doesn't mean that I don’t like her. Or that you can talk about her like that." Dee grumbles and shakes his head. Ches frowns some and takes a long swig of the beer. 

While their relationship hasn't really changed, Dee's obsession with Ches' love life has. Ever since that day with the photos Dee had been far more critical about Ches' romantic life. He's had about two more girlfriends between then and now. And Dee hated both of them with a burning passion. 

Before no one cared much for the girls Ches dated. It was a known fact that most girls would be out of his life soon enough. Trying to meet them or form any connection was in vain since most would be gone by the end of the month. Dee never gave it much thought before, but now that he knew about Ches’s secret love for Glam the other seemed weirdly protective. 

At first he thought that he was mad that they didn't end up as anything official. Thinking maybe Dee just wanted to see Ches settle down and find his happy ending. A noble wish if any. But now he wasn’t so sure. The word jealousy came to mind, but he didn’t think that was right either. Frustrated was probably a better fit but Dee hadn’t said anything about the girlfriends directly. Only through facial expressions of disgust or harsh criticisms in passing. Ches had held his tongue for the time being, but was wondering how to bring it up. As close as they were, Dee was still too young for this kind of thing. Hence why he never brought up his love for Glam in the first place to anyone, let alone his honorary nephews. Not that he ever planned to, but he wished Dee had been older at least. 

Because as smart as the kid was, he was still just that. A kid; And he didn't know if this was the right conversation to have with someone his age and who he considers family. But it looks like it was going to happen either way.

The teen picks at a loose strand on the couch, "Well is she nice? Or worth your time?"

"Dee," he sighs in annoyance and drags a hand down his face, "She's nice, alright. No, I don't plan to have anything serious with her. But that's fine. I'm not looking for anything serious."

"Then why date??" Dee straightens up, "Why bother wasting time dating other people? Especially if you don't love them?"

"Dating can be casual and for me I-Wait I don't have to justify anything." Ches sets the beer down, "What has gotten into you? Why are you so concerned about my love life?"

"I'm not, it just sucks that you'd waste your time with all these whores instead of, I don't know, doing something else!" 

"And what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know! Just...date in earnest! Why bother with random hook ups when you can try to be happy?"

"Dee, I'm not interested in dating anyone long term-"

"So then tell Dad! Or something!"

"Dee, you know why I can't-wait." Ches leans closer, catching the scent of something all too familiar on the other's breath. "Dee...have you been drinking?

That makes the blond go rigid and he leans away, "No-"

Ches' expression changes from shock to a stern frown. That's what had been off. That's where the copious amounts of cologne came from...He can see it now as he looks at Dee closer. Glossy eyes. Flushed face..."You're drunk."

"It was just a couple alright? And I'm fucking fine." Dee scoffs and stands up. 

Ches follows, "Dee you're 16 years old, way too fucking young to be drinking."

"It's just a little! And what, you and Dad didn't go out drinking at my age?? Or Mom or anyone else?" 

"That doesn't matter-"

"But you did do it-"

"I did because I was fucking stupid and reckless . You are none of those things. You know better and you know that."

Dee glares at him before growling and turning away to grip his head, "I came here to avoid this shit with Mom and Dad! I don't want to hear it from you!"

"I might let you get away with some shit, but I'm still your Uncle and-"

"You're not even my Uncle!" Dee yells as he turns to face him. Ches closes his mouth and Dee immediately regrets his words, "...by blood. Not by blood. I..."

Ches ignores the sting of the teen's words. He knows Dee doesn't mean it. He's just drunk and riled up. It doesn't make it hurt any less, though. He looks away for a moment before sighing and looking at the other with a leveled expression, "Dee. What's wrong?"

The teen says nothing for a while, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. He keeps his gaze down, fighting back his emotions. Ches doesn't take his gaze off of him, patient as he waits for a response. Eventually the other does speak, but it's not something he expects. "...You're not happy, are you Ches?"

"What?"

Dee looks down, "With Dad and everything...how...how can you be happy?"

Ches knows this isn't the real problem, but he gives in and decides to play along. Dee wasn't great at expressing himself, Ches knew that. And if using Ches was a way to get to his point, then he wouldn't shut him down. "I am happy, Dee. Remember what I said?"

"I know. You just want to see him happy…" Dee frowns, "And I get that...I get that Dad's happy and that he's living the life he deserves...but you aren't, are you?"

Ches pauses, "What makes you think I'm not?"

"You love Dad!" Dee yells in frustration, "Just as much, if not more, than Mom! You've always been there for him. Always been by his side...you know him and I know you'd do anything for him...but…"

"But what?"

"How can it not hurt you to watch someone you care about be with someone else?" 

"Why does that matter-"

" Because-! " Dee hesitates before looking down, "...Because it hurts me."

Ches' expression softens considerably at the words and his shoulders drop. "Dee…"

"I don't know." Dee angrily wipes away at the corner of his eyes, smudging his makeup. "Maybe I'm thinking about it too hard...maybe I'm just fucking stupid but…I think about and...fuck, how does it not hurt you?"

Ches presses his lips together as he remembered that phone call years ago. 

'I got her to say yes to a date! The biker lady-her name's Vicky and she's the most beautiful being on this Earth! She's terrifying, she's chaotic and strong...I already love her, Ches. I love her so much!' Glam laughed over the phone, voice full of love and happiness, 'I think you're going to like her, too.'

It was rare that Ches was anything but calm and happy; and that was his choice. Emotions were difficult for him to handle, despite seeming so open and carefree to others. It was just easier to push those negative emotions down and focus on the positive. It was easier to swallow back the pain and smile through whatever was going on. Anger got him nowhere, tears got him nowhere...it seemed like such a waste to be unhappy. So he decided long ago he'd simply focus on the positives and try to block everything else out. 

But it wasn't healthy, he knew that. And he didn't want Dee to fall into the same pattern of repressing his feelings. Not when the other was already so emotionally vulnerable and withdrawn. He wouldn't let his nephew fall into the same pit. 

"...Sit down." Ches leads him back to the couch and puts a hand on his shoulder, "Listen...It does hurt." he admits despite the words burning on his tongue. "It...it did hurt a lot when you Dad introduced me to Vicky. It hurt when we'd hang out, all three of us, and I'd be reminded time and time again that we weren't together." He paused and frowned, "It hurt knowing that, despite all the time between us, he just didn't feel the same way. At all." 

Dee's expression softens, "Uncle Ches…How do you deal with it?"

Ches didn't know how to answer until his eyes drift toward his guitar. It's a realization that makes him pause for a moment "...The songs." he looks back at the box on top of the bookshelf, "I wrote those songs partially for Glam, but also for me, I guess. It...it was a way to get those emotions out. To use all the hurt to...make...something. Something tangible I guess." he sighs. 

Dee looks over at the box too before he looks down for a moment, "...Have you ever played those songs to anyone?"

"No." Ches shakes his head, "I always planned to sing them to Glam or slip them into our performance roster but...I chickened out at the last second."

Ches remembers those moments. Those brief bursts of confidence as he clutches those scraps of paper or his notebook in his hand. The thundering of his heartbeat as he approached the blond who would always be sitting with such a lovely expression...and then nothing. Those songs would be tucked away; forever forgotten until now.

The silence that falls between them isn't awkward, but it's heavy. Ches doesn't like being exposed like this. This emotional vulnerability hits too close to home. It brings up memories of times he has longed to forget. Ches was never emotional; he was always just 'fine'. Because it was easier to be 'fine' than it was to accept and confront all the shit he's had to deal with. Even with Glam, who had been able to break through some of his walls, would never know that he was a main source of comfort and pain. 

But with Dee, it was a little easier. He's not sure why. A part of him thinks it could be because of how much he looks like Glam. Especially since he was so close to the age when he met the future guitarist. But that doesn't feel right. Dee wasn't Glam. He was his nephew who he loved like family. Maybe that's why. Dee and Heavy were the closest thing to a family he had. The only family that he truly cared for and actually liked back in return. Maybe that's why he finds himself able to open up to the other. Even if it's only a little bit. It could be that reason why Ches doesn't immediately deny Dee's next request. 

"...Can you play one?" When Ches looks at him Dee sniffles and rubs his eyes again, "A song-one of the songs you made...can you play one?"

Ches bites his bottom lip. He hasn't played them in ages. Not since he wrote the words and notes down. A teenage Ches had poured his heart into those lyrics and yet Ches can't really remember any off the bat. Nothing solid, at least. Still, they can't possibly be good. Not at all. But...he can't say no. "They're pretty rough…"

"I don't mind if you don't mind." Dee looks down, "I just...I don't know. Curious I guess."

Leaning back he sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. He knows he can say no. He knows Dee wouldn't fight him on it. That Dee is just buzzed and emotionally flayed. Ches could say no...and yet he can't bring himself to do it. "...Alright." Ches gets up and goes to the box. He sets it down on the coffee table and nudges it toward Dee. "Pick one."

The blonde goes through the box with slight hesitance, pausing as he looks at the photos for a moment before setting them aside. By the time Ches gets his guitar and takes a seat on the couch once more Dee is holding the notebook, page opened closer toward the end. "...This one. If that's alright."

Ches looks at it and he feels memories stir in the back of his mind. They weren't forgotten, but he hadn't thought about them in a while. "It's fine." Ches takes the notebook and lays it flat against the coffee table. He looks over the song and before he realizes it he takes a breath and starts playing. He watches as Dee brings his legs up to his chest and watches him, glancing between Ches and the notebook. Soon Ches begins to sing and he can feel the slight strain on his vocal chords. They never healed right and he can hear the forever raspy tone of his voice corrupt his words; But he continues on anyway.

Muscle memory takes over as he closes his eyes and gets swept up in the song. Memories suddenly start coming one by one. Sitting outside on top of an abandoned building with Glam sleeping at his side. It was sunset, or something like that. He remembered his legs dangling over the edge of the rooftop, the wind being warm despite the darkening sky. Glam's head resting on Ches' folded jacket…

Other memories come and go after that. Just brief flashes of moments that had filled up the years with so much joy. Sitting at the bus station with Glam the day they left the trailer together. Spitting contests with the whole band when they were on the road. The ecstasy of playing just a really good performance. Neon lights reflecting on the car window as he drove throughout the night. Drinking the best beer he's ever had with Vicky. Finding out what Glam and Vicky were going to name their kids. Meeting Dee for the first time at the hospital. Laughing when Dee tried to throw Heavy on the ground when they brought him home. Watching his two nephews play the guitar together...

They were small moments and yet they meant the world to him. Moments that made the bastard kid in him glad to have been born. Moments that made life just a little bit better. Moments that made the bad times worth it. 

Ches plays quieter and quieter before he let’s the last note fade. It settles into silence and he opens his eyes a little, looking down at the ground for a moment before suddenly tears fall onto his guitar. He’s crying. He hasn’t cried in ages. It’s been so long he doesn’t know what to do. His hand is shaking slightly against the steel strings, making the faintest noise. 

He remembers now why he never played these songs. The heartache burns fresh. The pain of the realization that he’d never be able to have his feelings returned aches deep in his bones. And he hates it. Hates it with all of his being. He thought he was over it. And he was, he knew he was but...

Then suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder. “...Uncle Ches.” Ches looks over. 

He isn’t Glam. Not with those freckles and blue eyes still filled with an innocence that Glam wishes he still had and that Dee longed to grow out of for good. He’s not Glam, but Ches doesn’t move when Dee hugs him after the song is over; thin limbs wrapping around and draping over his shoulders. He doesn’t move when Dee hides his face in his shoulder or clings on to him like a lifeline. For the first time in years, Ches let his own tears silently fall as the pain of the heartache settles in his chest; leaning his forehead against those curly blonde locks. One hand holding the neck of the guitar and the other lightly gripping the other's forearm.

He isn’t Glam, but he is Dee and that’s more than enough. 

"Why does this feel like deja vu?"

"Ugh."

"Looks like intolerance runs in the family. Poor Vicky, she'll never be able to drink with any of her kids."

"Shut up…" 

Ches laughs as he leans against the doorway, watching Dee gargle mouthwash. Both had only woken up about half an hour ago. They seemed to have passed out on the couch at some point; not that the two could think much of it before Dee was up and running to the bathroom. Groggily Ches had followed only to laugh as he remembered what exactly made Dee ill. "I guess I should be glad you didn't upchuck all over my apartment."

The blonde glares at him in the mirror before looking back at himself, "Did Dad ever call?"

"Yeah, called him while you were in here. Told him you crashed at my place but didn't tell him specifics. He offered to pick you up but I said you were still asleep and I'd have to ask." He pauses before smiling, "He worries about you, ya know."

"I know." Dee washes his face some before finally turning off the faucet, "Can you give me a ride back?"

"Sure. But I'm guessing you're gunna wanna recover first, huh?"

"How do I get better? I mean, I drank water and ate beforehand…"

Ches chuckles as he motions for him to follow, "Hate to break it to you, but alcohol is still alcohol. No amount of prep is going to help if you plan to get absolutely plastered."

Dee huffs and pushes his hair back, "That wasn't my intention…and I wasn't that drunk."

"Drunk enough for your baby kidneys and intolerance to take a hit. And now you suffer the consequences." Dee groaned and Ches laughed, "Come on, I'll get you some stuff to feel a bit better."

Ches leads him to the kitchen where Dee slumps onto the dining table. Last night had been an oddity though neither seemed weirded out by it. Of course that could just be because of the sudden wake up call but the two were fairly close anyways. It's not like they hadn't had deep talks before. The Glam fiasco aside, Dee had grown comfortable in his Uncle's presence and Ches, laid back as ever, was content to spend time with the young blond. 

After setting a sports drink and some bread in front of him Ches moved to take a seat with a cup of coffee. Dee huffed as he cracked open the bottle, "Not much of a cure."

"You'll get the painkillers after you get something in your stomach. I'm not wasting my high dose shit if you're just gunna upchuck it again."

Dee gave a slight glare but took a sip anyway and bit a corner of toast. They're silent for a bit and Ches closes his eyes as he rests his chin on his palm. It certainly was an eventful night. One that seemed to spring out of nowhere. He still didn't get most of the answers he wanted but...

"Ches?"

"Hmm?" He opens his eyes. 

"What…nevermind." 

"No, go ahead."

"It's personal."

"I think we've gone way past 'personal' topics at this point." Ches chuckles. 

Dee grimaced but nodded in agreement. He's quiet for a moment before he speaks up, "...What exactly did Dad do for you? I know the whole store thing." he motions to their surroundings, "And what happened after the band ended. But...I mean anything else? You practically saved Dad’s life and this is all nice and all but-“

"It's...complicated. Mainly because a lot of what he did for me was in the past. And I don't know if I can really explain it well but…" Ches shrugs, "Let's just say I didn't grow up...with a lot. Money wise and family wise. Wasn't really popular with anyone and at first I thought that was fine. Who needs friends when you get yourself, you know?" he shrugs, "But with Glam...I don't know, he was the first real friend I ever made. Only person who gave a shit about me."

"I see."

Ches takes a sip of his coffee, "He was my first real friend. A rare thing to have in this world."

"Aren't all friends just friends?" 

"Nah." Ches leaned back a bit, "People come and go; and you make connections with them. But a real friend lasts forever. Nothing can break that kind of bond."

"So…"Dee nudges his toast, "Even after everything, you and Dad are still-"

"Friends, yeah. He's always gunna be my best friend no matter what."

Dee nods and takes another bite, seeming to think about that for a while.

After some silence Ches speaks up again, "Now can I ask you something?" When Dee nods, Ches raises a brow,"What sparked this whole romance conflict? I know you have an Emo's soul-"

" Hey -"

" But you're not usually so worked up. Even if you were drunk; I doubt you'd have a big outburst out of thin air." Ches turned to look at him more directly, "Wanna talk about it?"

Dee stared at him for a moment before sighing. "Alright...it was two things."

"Okay."

"One...Lif." Dee's frowns and looks down at the plate, "She's dating someone else. My- our friend."

"I see."

"The party I went to was to our friend's house. I was going to ask her out, but my friend beat me to it. And she looked at me...and then just said yes." his voice cracks some and he scowls at himself, "But I don’t blame her for saying yes. I wouldn’t and I couldn’t. She didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not like Mick is some kind of dickhead. Probably better than me anyways. It's my fault for not saying anything sooner. Still…It's just...” he huffed, “What did I do wrong? Where did I fail that…I don’t know; what did I do that wasn’t good enough?” he frowned, "Maybe I'm being dramatic but-"

“It’s not dramatic, Dee. Look, you’re a teen. You’ve only got 16 years of life experience under your belt. Of course this is going to be a big deal.” His expression softens, “Besides, I know how hard it is for you to open up to people and care about them. I know it must have hurt when she didn't feel the same way.”

“...Yeah.” 

"Heartache is a painful thing. But it's also a universal one. It'll pass-"

"But it hurts."

"I know. And it's not wrong that it hurts you Dee. It's normal and you should embrace it; otherwise you'll never be able to heal from it." He gives the blond a reassuring smile. "You need to deal with the pain in your own way."

"Like you with the songs."

Ches nods, "I'm guessing you thought about me and Glam when that happened."

Dee shrugged, "Yeah. I know it's different. But...I always thought it must have hurt even when you first told me about it. But after experiencing it...it must be worse for you."

The older man chuckled, "Well, I'm older. Time has passed and everything is sort of history. Last night was just kind of like opening old wounds."

Dee winced, "Sorry."

"No, no; it's not your fault. Kinda things like that happen every now and then. Might even do me some good." He sighed, "But don't worry about me, kid. Me and Glam are still close and it's not like his relationship with Vicky hasn't benefited me in some way."

"Like what?"

"Well," he smirked, "I got two honorary nephews out of the deal. And a drinking partner; Vicky and her friend Ana." Ches' smile softened and he looked down, "And I got a family out of the whole thing. So I'd say things worked out exactly as they should."

Dee thinks over his words before smiling a little himself. "...Didn't think about it that way."

"Course not, cause you're still a kid."

"Hey!"

Ches laughs and picks up his mug, "So what's the second thing?"

At that Dee frowned angrily, "...Dad."

"Ah." Ches' smile faded and he tilted his chin upward, "What did Glam do this time?"

“I want to play music. I actually enjoy it...But dad just...I know he doesn’t have faith in me. He’s working with Heavy every day and he works with me too but-“ Dee stops and looks down, "I know it's not the same. I can tell it's not. He's always berating me or being casual with it. Never actually serious. But with Heavy I see how excited he is...how he wants the lesson to go on forever...I don't know. I know Dad can have his moments but it's...different than how he usually is... With me ." 

Ches hummed and nodded as he thought over the situation, "I see."

"I know he doesn't mean anything by it but…" Dee shrugs and looks down. "It's just weird that someone who loves music so much wouldn't even care about me wanting to learn."

Ches sighs and rubs the back of his neck, “Glam...Glam is complicated. And I’m not saying that to excuse him but...what he was raised to value, what has been drilled in his mind, is talent. Talent is everything. It's automatically getting things and having things be easy right? Well, that’s what your Dad focuses on, because he has an insane amount of talent. And you are just like that too. Everything comes easy to you right? Just not this?” He chuckles, “Not a lot of things are like that for everyone.”

"But Dad seems almost insulted that I want to try harder. It's not like he's like that to Mom or even Heavy. He's patient with them when they can't do things right away."

"Glam's gotten better at being considerate. Trust me, he was a lot worse back in the day. Talk about shitty social cues." he scoffs, "But with you- he kind of sees himself in you. And I think he forgets that you two are not 100% the same. That you can't handle things the way he can. Personality wise, you're a lot different than Glam."

"Really?"

"Don't get me wrong, you're both petty smart asses." he chuckles, "But I think you're a lot more like your mom than Heavy is to her."

"How?"

"Glam doesn't mind failing or being embarrassed. He's very aware of his capabilities and knows when he sucks. More humility, I guess. It gives him an open mind to learn more. You and Vicky? Not so much." he looks at him, "Both of you are insecure and not very friendly."

Dee frowns but eventually concedes that it's true. "And Heavy?"

"Heavy's Heavy. A bit more like your Dad when he was younger, but Heavy seems to have his own little positive personality." he chuckled, "Perks of being young, I guess."

Dee thinks about it for a moment before looking at Ches, “What about you? Why are you so patient when you know I’m terrible?”

“Because you’re learning Dee. And I'm not going to punish you for that." Ches shifts and turns to look at him more, "I learned the guitar by myself. Not for fame, fortune or any bullshit like that. It was an escape for me. A distraction from the shitty circumstances I grew up in. I got good because I had nothing else to do; Nothing else to learn or strive for. Music gave me comfort and, after I saw you play, I know it is doing the same for you now."

"I guess," he looked down, "But I feel...I want to learn. I want to play and I actually like doing it. More than Heavy does. He just sees it as a fun pass time-"

"Which is fine."

" Which is fine , but I want to do a little more...I think. I still don't know. It's hard to think past how much I suck. And it feels like I'll never learn." he leaned back into the couch, "It's hard to see past the fact that I'm never going to be as good as you or Dad…"

Ches looks at the young blond as he takes in what he said. "...You've really been thinking about it, huh?" He looked away for a moment. "Look, Dee. You need to stop comparing yourself to others. There is no set image for a 'musician'. I'm way different than your Dad, but we're still musicians. Hell, the members from one band to another vary differently. You wouldn't say Bach is the same as Dee Snider, but yet they are both musicians." Ches chuckles, "That's why there's so many music genres out there. They're all different."  

"But there has to be a baseline right? A defining trait. Like what makes a musician a 'musician'?" he frowns, "When can I say with confidence that I'm actually one?"

"Well that's for you to decide but…" Ches presses his lips together, giving it genuine thought. After a while he nods, "Practice till it doesn't feel like work, compose for those you love and perform for the ones you care about. Then maybe you can start thinking about calling yourself a musician."

Dee stares at him, taking in his words, before nodding, "I guess."

"You'll know when you know. But I will say this; Music is not a one man road. True, you gotta forge your own path with it and make yourself at home. But you'll get nowhere without other people's help or inspiration." Ches gives him a leveled look, "Humility helps you learn. Don't forget that."

For the next few minutes they sit in silence as Dee eats and ponders over his words and Ches finishes his coffee. As promised, once Dee eats and drinks enough Ches hands him over the painkillers and the pair get ready to head out. Ches glances over his shoulder at Dee who's fixing his hair in the mirror. The kid was getting older. Still a kid, but he was coming into his own. Though Ches took some comfort in knowing that the kid wouldn't be subjected to the same fate of loneliness like he, Glam and Vicky had. He had a family which hopefully Dee would keep in mind as he began working out his problems one by one. 

"One more thing before we go." Ches held up a finger as he moved past him.

Dee watches in curiosity as Ches heads to the couch, picking up the small book. He opens it up and suddenly begins tearing pages out of it carefully. "Woah! Wait, Uncle Ches what are you-" Suddenly the pages are thrust into Dee's hands. The blond stares at them before looking up at him in confusion, "What?"

"It's yours now; The song."

"...Mine? But-"

"I always said that songs were meant to be shared with others. And I've been a hypocrite by keeping these locked up for so long."

"But they're yours! They're for Dad-"

"They were written about him, yeah. And that won't change. But he's never heard them, and never will. But you've heard this song; I've played it for you . Now it's yours." he shrugs, "Whatever you wanna do with it is up to you. Burn it, change it, hide it away-doesn't matter. But I'm giving it to you now, Dee."

"Why?"

"A keepsake, I guess. It's been sitting in darkness for far too long. It deserves some attention."

Dee stares at him before he looks at the pages. Lyrics and chords written who knows how long ago kept in perfect condition. Words and sounds that have never been heard by a single soul-except for him and Ches. And now he's being entrusted with it. Dee smiles and looks up at Ches, "Thank you. I mean it."

"Anything for my nephew." He pats his shoulder, "Now come on, let's get you home."