Chapter Text
“I know we’d talked about finding a place together, love” Nina said. “But Matthias just asked me to live with him next year, and he found the perfect apartment for us. It was so sweet -”
Nina paused for a moment, taking in the look on Inej’s face.
“Say the word and I’ll tell him no. I committed to you first, Matthias’ll understand.”
Inej knew that she was being sincere. The two of them had been planning this out since freshman year, when they’d lived across the hall from each other in the Slat. Their apartment would be small and cozy, but they would have windows and a couch so big that all their friends would be able to come over at once. Inej would stretch in the mornings while Nina made them sweet coffee, and they’d have movie nights every week.
Looking forward to sharing their off campus apartment had gotten Inej through every terrible second of her dorm situation this year. Her roommate, Lianna, was nice enough, but had no sense of personal boundaries. She would go through Inej’s things, borrow her clothes without asking, and return them stinking of stale beer and cigarette smoke. Their room was constantly a mess, and Inej had to spend five minutes every morning clearing enough space to lay down her yoga mat. Lianna didn’t seem to own a pair of headphones, and played her music out loud whenever she did her homework, which was usually past midnight. And worst of all, her parents would show up unannounced every few weeks. Lianna’s mother seemed nice enough, and would tidy away all of her daughter’s things, which Inej was grateful for, but her father made Inej uncomfortable. Something about him reminded her too much of Tante Heleen’s clients. He never touched her inappropriately, or spoke an unkind word to her, but the way he watched her set her nerves on edge, and he would let his touch linger when he laid a hand upon her shoulder or back in greeting.
His presence made the room into a cage, and she could never bear it for long. When he did show up, Inej found herself running to Kaz’s.
The Van Eck house would probably have been more appropriate, all things considered, but since the Slat had been condemned, it had turned into the new unofficial headquarters of the Dregs. It was crowded and raucous, and she could never still her racing heart there.
Kaz, on the other hand, kept a separate apartment a few blocks from campus. Not many people even knew its location, so she could be reasonably assured that there would never be more than Kaz and occasionally Jesper inside. She would show up in the window and wait for him to let her in. If he was home, it was never longer than a minute or two before he unlatched the window. If he was out, she would clamber over onto the fire escape and spend a few hours looking across the university campus.
She could have gotten in on her own, when Kaz was teaching her to pick locks he’d made her practice on his windows, but it felt too much like an invasion. She couldn’t be among his things when he wasn’t around. It just wasn’t right.
Nina was still staring at her, eyes wide and serious, and Inej sighed.
“No, Nina, you should move in with Matthias. Living together will be good for the two of you.” It would. It would either break them up completely, or break them out of the awkward dance they’d been engaged in for the last seven months: dating, but still too used to hating each other to ever truly be comfortable.
“Oh, thank you Inej!” Nina cried, gathering her up in a tight hug. “We’ll still do movie night every week! I promise. We’ll kick Matthias out and watch scary movies and eat ice cream and fall asleep on the couch…”
Nina kept talking, which was a special talent of hers. She could chatter on easily, needing no response from her conversational partner. It was one of the reasons Inej adored her company. Nina would talk and talk and talk, and never mistake Inej’s quiet for aloofness or lack of interest.
The two of them had first met when they were assigned rooms across from each other at the Slat. Nina had ended up there by pure bad luck, someone in the housing office had given her the short end of the stick, but Inej was there on purpose. Kaz had brought her there late one July night. The day had been hot and sticky, but it was cooler now, and Inej was trembling. Half from cold and half from fear. What had she gotten herself into?
It was summer, and most of the Dregs were gone to their various homes and hidey holes. A few people were draped around the main floor lounge, calling out bleary hellos to Kaz as he passed, but the building was quiet.
He’d deposited her at her assigned room on the third floor and left, after pointing out the barrel bolt to her.
“There’s nothing on the outside, so it’s impossible to pick it.” He’d paused for a moment and looked at her, considering. She wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but she nodded.
“I suppose someone could always break it down,” he continued “But you’d get enough warning to go out the window.”
She had never had her own room before, but she’d reveled in it. The building was quiet and the room was cold. The weeks passed slowly, and soon it was time to register for classes. Kaz had sorted all the university bureaucracy for her before this, so it had been exciting to click through the pages. She’d mostly registered for dance classes, but she threw in a morning anthropology class and an afternoon English lit. All the possibilities had seemed so exciting to her.
But then move in day came, and the Slat filled up. The building was suddenly bursting at the seams, with people hauling boxes up the stairs, returning students shouting at each other across the hallways, and the occasional friendly brawl breaking out. At one point, there was a gunshot, and the whole building fell silent. For a glorious three seconds, everything was still. And then, it all erupted back into life, twice as loud as it had been before.
The frenzy had driven her straight out the window, seeking peace. She hadn’t known about Kaz’s apartment yet, and probably wouldn’t have gone there if she had, but she crossed the rooftops into the university proper, alighting atop the dome of the library. She’d stayed there until her fingertips were numb, and then ruefully headed back home. Was this to be her life now? She wouldn’t be able to stand it.
Anything is better than the Menagerie she chanted to herself, as she forced herself to crawl back through the window. She skipped dinner that night. The dining hall in the basement of the Slat had been quiet and virtually empty these last few weeks, but she knew it would be no longer.
But hunger had driven her out of her room the next morning. She rose early. She had guessed, correctly, that the denizens of the Slat were by and large not morning people, and while it wasn’t the same as it had been before, seven in the morning seemed to be the low point on the parabola of chaos that was her new home.
She’d been retreating back to her room when the door across from her creaked open. A pale girl with large, staring eyes had peeked out.
Upon first impression, Inej had believed Nina to be timid and shy. This notion was quickly dispelled when Nina had invited herself into Inej’s room, hopped up on the bed without asking, and started up a conversation that lasted the next four hours.
Nina was from New York City. She was going to double major in biochem and public health. She had an older sister named Zoya and an older brother named David. She had never been to the West Coast before moving to Seattle, and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of the Slat.
“How’d you join up?” Inej finally asked. She was interested to hear how other people became Dregs, because she got the impression that her way was almost unheard of.
“What do you mean?” Nina said. “Like, how did I get in? I applied, just like you, Silly.”
Inej actually hadn’t applied, but she thought now might not have been the best time to mention that.
“No, like how did you end up at the Slat? How did you join up?”
“Well. I was assigned a room here.” Nina was talking slowly and clearly. It was obvious she thought that something was being lost in translation between the two of them. In a way, it was.
“Oh,” Inej got it. “So you aren’t a member of the Dregs?”
“A member? What is this, a gang?”
“Yes.”
Nina had blinked at her several times, and then burst into a peal of laughter. It had taken a while to convince her that Inej wasn’t joking, and then a while longer to convince Nina that she hadn’t accidentally initiated herself into a gang.
“The university can’t actually make you join any sort of an organization, especially an illegal one. The housing office shoves a few unlucky souls in here whenever they’re running low on freshmen dorms. It drives Kaz crazy, but the university technically does own the building, so he has to put up with it.”
“Is Kaz your leader?” Nina had said, breathless and almost excited.
“No, that’s a guy called Per Haskell. He never shows up, though.” Inej said. “In reality, Kaz does all the work, and commands all the respect.”
“Are you sure I’m not required to...you know, do anything?” Nina said.
“Yeah, you would have noticed if you were initiated. There’s a tattoo and everything.”
“Can I see yours?”
Inej tugged on her sleeve, making sure to cover the feather burned into her flesh.
“Kaz said I didn’t have to get one, if I didn’t want.” She showed Nina her necklace. “I wear this instead. It’s our symbol.”
Nina oohed and aahed appreciatively, and then the two of them went to lunch. Lunch was much more populated than breakfast had been, but having Nina with her had felt like a kind of shield from it all. A physical body she could plant in between her and the rest of the world. She’d relied on the other girl to make it through that year alive.
Now, back in the present moment, Nina was looking at her worriedly. “I’m sure Wylan and Jesper would have space for you,” she said. “You know they’d give you a room, and you wouldn’t have to worry about rent!”
She was right, the boys would give her a room in a heartbeat, and would do it gladly, but Inej dreaded the thought. The house was so busy it would be just like living at the Slat again. Only, this time she wouldn’t have Nina as a buffer.
“Yeah.” she said, giving a tight smile. “I’ll ask them.”
It was another hour or so before she and Nina packed up from the coffee shop and headed their separate ways.
“Talk to Jesper!” Nina shouted after her, and Inej nodded.
She couldn’t face the prospect today, though, so she headed instead back to her dorm. But when she was crossing the parking lot she saw two recognizable figures entering the building. Lianna’s parents. It was late for them to be arriving, almost five o’clock, but Inej didn’t take the time to question it. She turned on her heel and went straight up the side of the nearest building. Within minutes, she was outside Kaz’s window, and he appeared on the other side to let her in.
“Wraith.” He greeted her as she crawled inside.
“Kaz.” She replied.
He spread an arm, gesturing around. “Make yourself at home.”
She did, crossing to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. It was her usual routine in Kaz’s apartment. She made her tea, settled on the end of the couch, and read or sewed or did homework until it got so late her eyes were fluttering shut. When she was sure she could not go on one more second without passing out, she’d gather her things, wash out her cup, and leave again.
She had to stitch ribbons and elastic on her new shoes, which meant she first had to rip some off an old pair. She settled down with her tea and her seam ripper, and got to picking at her stitches. Kaz was sitting across the room from her, books and papers spread out across the table.
He’d graduated the year before, but had stayed on to do a master’s degree. Almost no one knew what he actually studied, but there were wild rumours about it. Kaz Brekker studied assassination. Kaz Brekker studied mob relations. Kaz Brekker studied anatomy, so he could fuck you up scientifically.
In reality, Inej thought, his accounting degree seemed fairly boring, although the music minor had been an interesting touch.
She was just finishing her last stitches when her phone buzzed. She dug it out.
Lianna Roommate: heyyy, met cute guy bringing him back to ours can u find somewhere else to crash
Lianna truly was a terrible roommate. Inej sighed, and Kaz looked up.
“Trouble?” he asked.
“No, not really.” Inej said. “My roommate is bringing a guy home, so I can’t go back. I’ll probably have to crash at Wylan’s.”
Kaz regarded her for a moment, and then shrugged.
“Crash here, if you like.” he said. “Couch is all yours.”
“Really?” The thought of sleeping here was strange. She felt like she was violating Kaz’s sacred bubble.
He shrugged again.
“Up to you. There’s some spare blankets in the office.”
After a moment or two of thought, Inej shoved her pointe shoes back in her bag and crossed to the office. She’d been in here before a time or two, but only ever to speak with Kaz. She’d never poked around in anything.
The office was meant to be a second bedroom, so there was a closet on the far wall. Upon opening it, she found that Kaz used it as an oversized linen cupboard. There were spare blankets stacked on the top shelf, and she managed to retrieve two of them without coming to any grief.
She settled on the couch, curled in the blankets, and read for a while. Her book was engaging, full of monsters and wild landscapes and a compelling romance, but soon her eyes slid shut and she allowed the sound of Kaz’s fingers tapping on his keyboard in time with the rain to lull her to sleep.