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Kimi isn't usually interested in the rookies that join F1 almost every year, but Sebastian is the exception.
The German driver comes to the paddock in a whirlwind of enthusiasm and talent. Always taking a keen interest in everything going on around him and always asking questions. He is also very talented and Kimi finds himself keeping an eye on him more often than not.
However recently, Kimi has noticed a change in Sebastian. It's a few races into the new season and while Sebastian appears outwardly bubbly and happy, Kimi sees something else.
It seems to happen every time someone talks about Sebastian, and it doesn't matter if it is positive talk or good, it still makes the young German's smile just fall slightly. Kimi doubts anyone else has noticed, but he does.
Kimi can see it in how the smile drifts slightly and his gaze seems to lower, but Sebastian is so good at quickly bouncing back that Kimi knows he's good at hiding something that is bothering him.
It's when they're at Monza that Kimi decides to nip it in the bud. He's with a few of his Ferrari mechanics when Sebastian passes and one of the mechanics turns to Kimi and says: "What do you think of him?"
Kimi notes the sudden tensing of Sebastian's shoulders and frowns a little to himself as he replies "I think they're talented."
Sebastian turns his head so fast Kimi thinks he would get whiplash. It makes Kimi believe Sebastian needs a little more encouragement so he continues, "He's got raw talent. Speed. Asks intelligent questions. He could do well in a top team."
And there is is again. The smile dimming. The lowering of his gaze. But why? What has Kimi said in that sentence that has upset the German?
Sebastian turns and keeps walking and Kimi feels an urge to follow him. Over the past few weeks he has felt a pull to the German. The fact it appears Kimi is the reason for him being upset now makes his stomach twist. He can't allow that. He excuses himself from his mechanics and takes off after Sebastian.
He finds the German near the fence overlooking the circuit and moves over to him. "Hey...Sebastian right?"
Sebastian nods once, leaning against the fence. He looks pale and drawn. The usual fire in him extinguished.
"Are you okay? Did I say something wrong earlier?" Kimi asks him quietly and he notices how Sebastian shuts his eyes and breathes deeply. "I am sorry if I did. I was only talking about how good you are."
Sebastian turns to him, looking agitated and a little tired. "I.....I just...you..." He groans in frustration. "This is all much harder then I fucking thought." He places his head in his hands.
Kimi blinks a little, not understanding. "What is?"
Sebastian gestures around them in anger. "This! The media. The expectation. Having to pretend I like how I'm spoken to...."
"But the positive outweighs the bad right?" Kimi replies, infinitely more confused now.
Sebastian scoffs gently. "Not when all you hear is he this or him that."
Kimi slowly blinks. "You don't want to be called him or he?" He thinks back to all the times he's seen Sebastian go quiet and it makes an odd bit of sense to him.
Sebastian freezes and then looks at him. He gives a small shaky nod.
Kimi takes a deep breath, nodding softly. "Okay. Alright. Then what is it that you do go by?"
Sebastian blinks, looking positively surprised at his observance. "My parents told me I should not say anything. How is it you noticed?"
Kimi hums. "I noticed when others didn't. How you'd lose your smile a little whenever it happened. Now I'm asking you again. What do you want to be called?"
Sebastian hugs himself, looking very small. "I go by they or them...."
"So that's why you were so shocked when I replied to my mechanic. You heard me use they?"
Sebastian nods softly. "For once it felt good...."
Kimi nods. "Then that's fine. I can do that for you."
Sebastian looks dumbfounded. "You're not even going to question why?"
Kimi gives him a look. "Do you want to tell me why?"
Sebastian nods gently. "I...I don't feel comfortable being referred to as a guy. I don't feel like it's really me? Not entirely. More...like I'm neither one or the other. I like to just be me. Does that make sense? I'm just Seb. No labels. Nothing. My parents know about it and respect my pronouns but....yeah it wasn't ever going to be a smart choice to be out in F1...."
"I agree. This world would eat you alive." Kimi hates the sadness that appears in Sebastian's eyes, so he adds. "But you have me. Even if its once voice among the many here. You have someone that will call you by what you feel is right."
Sebastian offers him a rare true smile. "You'd do that for me?"
"Sure." Kimi gives them a smile in return. "Just promise me one thing?"
Sebastian seems to freeze again and Kimi silently huffs and touches their shoulder. "I want you to keep fighting and to not lose that smile."
Kimi feels warmed by the blooming smile that appears on Sebastian's face and the German nods gently. "I can do that. Thank you, Kimi."
Kimi smiles and gently squeezes their shoulder. "Good. Now come on. Let's head back to the paddock? I can get you a coffee?"
Sebastian nods gently and gestures for Kimi to lead the way, the smile not leaving their face.