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All Joonhwi sees are shades of orange and brown- the tone of warm, burnt sandstone from the street lamps is the only glow cast onto the walls and road around him. The area is desolate and quiet, with the soft breeze howling in harmony with the crickets chirping, but even the silence is loud, with his thoughts booming through like speakers, bombarding him no matter how many futile attempts he makes to clear his conscience.
Joonhwi was normally decisive- rational, straightforward. Yet even as he made his way through the unfamiliar area taking futile turns at every crossroad, walking loops around her estate, he still debated whether or not this was a good idea. He wasn’t lost- oh, he definitely knew the way there. It was as fresh in his mind as the Articles of the Constitutio- God, no. Joonhwi shakes his head. Now that sounds creepy. He justifies his knowledge of the way to her house with his good memory. Joonhwi just can’t think straight .
It was so unlike him to second-guess himself, to feel so lost in decision, to lack the very confidence and conviction that brought him to the top of the class in high school, in the Police Academy, and then into Hankuk Law, where Sol crashed right into his life.
Sol. Kang Sol. Joonhwi is amazed, flabbergasted, even, by the effect she has on him. The power of her strong gaze- when she’s glaring at him in annoyance, or even when he can barely actually look her in the eyes through the little crescents on her face as she smiles. The impact of her words, that always seem to come at the right place, at the right time, right when he needs to hear them. While he’s always looked out for her, it would be an understatement to say that she concerned him. Lately, she’s invaded every crevice of his mind- sparking him to wonder if she’s eaten, if she’s slept, if she’s feeling alright, at any given time of the day.
And so, even if he does care for his other friends just as much, he feels this inexplicable urge to deliver some jjajangmyeon right to her doorstep. You know, with the extra pickled radishes, and everything. It hurt to watch Sol power through finals without taking care of herself- scratch that, it broke his heart into pieces to watch her flail around and come undone, brushing away the multiple nosebleeds she’s had and bruises she’s accumulated from her pen stabs. So when she languidly tells him she has to go home that night to look after Byeol, he already knows it’s yet another meal skipped to study and make up for the time lost travelling there.
He would very much prefer not to watch her pass out again. Or something.
Joonhwi comes to the conclusion that her wellbeing matters more than whatever dignity he has that he’s putting out on the line. It matters more than the vulnerability of wearing a piece of his heart on his sleeve. This isn’t ‘extra,’ or ‘weird,’ or ‘extra weird.’ It’s just him looking out for a friend. Like he would for anyone else in the study group. Yup, that’s it. Simply showing her that he cares.
He takes a deep breath and wills his feet to walk towards her place. Joonhwi fishes his phone out, dialling Kang Sol, only to be sent to voicemail straight away. Her phone is probably dead right now. He knocks on the door, calling out her name softly, only to hear light footsteps grow in a crescendo, followed by a small, high-pitched voice. There’s a tiny dark figure through the white screen of the door, hand hesitating at the handle.
“Who’s there?”
“Oh, um, hey Byeol! It’s Joonhwi-oppa, is Sol around?”
The door flies open, now revealing the little girl in her pyjamas, a bright smile on her face.
“Hi, Joonhwi-oppa! Why are you here? Sol-unnie’s not back yet.” Her eyebrows furrow into a questioning stare, piercing right through him.
“Why are you looking for her in the first place?”
“Well, I brought some food for you and your sister. Other than ramyeon.” He has to bend down to talk to her, and he holds up the plastic bag of takeaway that she fixes her gaze on, nodding as her mouth forms an ‘O’. Her eyes light up and she jerks-
“Are you Sol-unnie’s boyfriend?” She gasps in supposed revelation, cutting him off.
“No, we’re just friends,” Joonhwi chuckles. Children are so unknowingly audacious.
“Does she have a boyfriend? Wait, no. If she did, she probably would’ve accidentally told me about it by now. Hm. Do you
want
to be her boyfriend?” She muses, staring very intently at the older man.
Joonhwi cannot believe he is more afraid of being interrogated by an eight-year-old than he was testifying in the court of law. But he can’t show her that, even if the red tint dusting his cheeks wants to betray him.
“Um," He runs his hand through his hair, pondering, wracking his brain for a good response to keep his cool demeanour. He smiles cheekily at her, jesting, “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”
Yes. Good. It was vague enough of an answer that had neither an ounce of truth or dishonesty to it. Did he want to be her boyfriend? Joonhwi can’t lie, he’s definitely toyed with the idea a couple of times. However, for someone so candid about their feelings, Sol is pretty hard to read. There are moments he’s sure she reciprocates this liking, this desire to be more-than-friends , yet she somehow also draws this line around him, trapping him and shutting him out. Like he’s an ant stuck in a circle of pen-ink, he dances around the borders, not really knowing whether or not he’s permitted to cross over.
“Tch. You hesitated, so I’ll take that as a yes,” she giggles, “Do you want to come inside?”
“Oh, no, I really don’t have to. I’ll just wait out here. It’s fine.”
“Are you sure? It’s getting a little cold, so I’m going to go back inside. Also, the stray puppy you’re scared of likes to come around really often.”
Joonhwi raises his eyebrows, amused that she knows this information about him, but not too surprised. Sol probably told her this in great zeal- but there is a dog barking in the distance and he caves in.
“Right, thanks.” He chuckles once more- the little girl sounds exactly like her older sister.
“Unnie has told me a lot about you.” Byeol shuts the door behind him, and gestures for him to sit down on the ground, and she takes a seat right next to him.
Joonhwi chuckles. “Oh yeah? What else has she said? That I’m the obnoxious type?” He recalls their previous encounter- it was amusing to see Sol get flustered again because of her sister, but it was even more amusing to know that she’s talked about him in so much depth. He fishes for the paper packaging in his bag of food, and hands it to Byeol.
“I got some bungeoppang for you, by the way. Sol’s told me a lot about you too.”
“Woah! Thank you, Joonhwi-oppa. Maybe you should date my sister. Then I’d get free food this way.” Byeol says this so casually, and assumes the role of Cupid so nonchalantly, that he just has to burst into laughter. But he also just has to wonder, has to probe, snickering,
“Why? Do you think Sol would want that?”
“Probably.” Byeol is genuinely confident running her mouth, even as she’s chewing at the fish-shaped pastry in her hands. “She really does talk an awful lot about you, you know. At one point, I thought she had no other friends until she showed me some pictures. She says some nice things about you sometimes too. Also, I just have to say- I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. You just look way too familiar. Maybe it’s fate telling me you were meant to date her.”
The more Joonhwi talks to the little girl, the more and more fascinated he gets- it’s adorable just how sassy and animated Byeol is, and it intrigues him how she, too, remembers the very first time they met.
“Hm. Let’s just say your sister’s sold me a few textbooks in the past.”
Byeol snickers, careful not to choke at her food, before the laughter bubbles out of her and she’s gone into a giggling fit.
The door swings open, Sol peeking her head through, curious as to why her sister’s laughter is reverberating, bouncing off the walls of the room.
“Byeol? I’m back. Did you bump into Lee Manho again? His lights are on- What are you doing here?” Sol’s eyes dart to Joonhwi, and she rubs her eyes, just to confirm she’s not hallucinating.
No, it’s not an image conjured by her sleep deprivation. Joonhwi is very much in her house, sitting on the floor with her sister. She’s stunned and her heart skips a beat, but she brushes it off, opting to nag at the girl, who is trying her best to compose herself from laughter.
“Kang Byeol, I thought you knew better than to open the door for random people.” Sol scowls at her younger sister, who plainly chews at her bungeoppang, and shines her doe-like, yet knowing eyes right at her.
“But he’s not a random person. He’s Joonhwi-oppa.”
“Okay, yeah, but-”
“Besides, this is my third time meeting him anyways. He’s the guy you swindled 50,000 won out of, right? He’s no stranger.”
Heat rushes up to her cheeks, Sol’s eyes widening in terror. She lets out a whine, and cries into her hands, walking away from the duo that’s laughing their heads off. She makes a mental note never to let them interact- they’d never let her go unscathed from their mockery for anything she does.
Joonhwi high-fives his newfound partner-in-crime in teasing Sol, and he glances at their victim who’s signalling him to come outside. As he arrives to stand in front of her by the door, she rolls her eyes yet the ends of her lips curl up into a grin.
“Joonhwi, seriously. What are you doing here?” Sol sighs, crossing her arms that are drowned in the sleeves of her Hankuk Law hoodie.
Right. He forgot about this part. He forces himself not to break eye contact with her- not to wince and cower in fear. Joonhwi just has to chill .
“Oh. I brought you some food, since you probably wouldn’t have stopped to get any. Sorry if this was uncalled for, or anything. You just looked really exhausted earlier today. And Byeol didn’t mean to let me in. She just wanted to keep me safe from the stray dog that was definitely going to pounce on me.”
Sol laughs heartily, and it feels like time freezes into slow motion. She is so, so, pretty in the amber glow of the streetlights. He can’t help but stare longingly at the crescents of her eyes, and the natural blush that graces her apple cheeks, and the pearly, white smile that just has him whipped. Joonhwi can’t help but wonder about the notion Byeol kept bringing up earlier- every time he looks at Sol he’s instantly reminded of all the good in the world- every speck of warm sunshine, every ounce of joy and love he’s ever felt. And for good reason, of course. She’s shown herself to be incredibly selfless, and passionate, and so genuine in helping those around her. She has been put through so much, yet she is still this rambunctious and full of mirth. Joonhwi wants to know just how she does it. He wants to bask in every last ounce of felicity she exuberates.
“I want to say you really didn’t have to, but I’m actually really hungry right now. So thank you, Joonhwi-ah.”
She flashes yet another cheeky smile, punching him right in the arm, and advises, “You should probably get going. The bus services are about to end. Go on, go! Go!” She starts to push him away, and Byeol peeks through the door to bid her farewell.
“Bye-bye, Unnie’s future boyfriend! You should come back again soon!”
Sol whips her head around and runs after her younger sister, yet doesn’t forget to thank him once more.
“Hey, thanks again. I’m really glad I have someone like you in my life. See you!”
It’s such a simple statement, yet it feels like there are ants prickling every inch of Joonhwi’s skin as he stands frozen, watching the door close shut. Someone like you. Someone special. It’s hard to fight the smile that creeps upon him.
Perhaps he does want to be her boyfriend.