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Life truly was cruel. This show he had to watch repeatedly, this nightmare to be exact, was blunt torture. How sickening reality was to continuously make him look at things he wished to avert his eyes from. Moments that sent shivers down his spine.
How the young girl, Rhyme, was swallowed by a gigantic shark, caught in mid-air. How her body immediately disappeared in its enormous jaw. How her eyes were filled with panic and her mouth was torn open to squeeze out a few last words. However, life did not give her the opportunity to say goodbye. She was taken by the monster, right there on the spot. And she hadn’t even discovered her dream yet.
How Beat, her usually confident and relaxed partner, was so struck by grief and guilt, his jaw tightening as if trying to swallow down those sentiments. How his beanie had covered his eyes as he let out a painful scream, facing the sky. As if it would give him the girl back. How he had attempted at holding back his helpless cries – though they were visible in the shaking movements of his body. How he had wished to sacrifice himself too. But life didn’t give him that chance. Instead, he was forced to keep living. Guilt continuously on his shoulders, dragging him down.
Eventually, Beat had turned on all of them. He had joined the Reapers and was their enemy from that moment on. He was someone who Neku couldn’t offer any compassion; even if he had tried. They were destined to fight each other – taking their lives in the process. A reality, Neku dreaded, despite never having openly admitted it.
Or even just the tension he felt whenever he was with Joshua, that prissy kid. How often he had to fear the boy would betray him; throw him over and deliver his corpse to the Reapers. His condescending attitude and rude behavior certainly already were too much for Neku to handle.
However, one scene of this horrid show was the worst of all. It awoke all the guilt and pain in Neku’s heart. It drove his negative feelings to the highest point, forming a crowd of pure darkness he dreaded drowning in.
He always heard her calling. Screaming his name in agony repeatedly. He would constantly watch her fade in front of his very eyes; silhouette breaking into mere memory shards. He was robbed of her warmth by a freezing breeze every time. Her sparkling eyes - holding so much joy and cheerfulness in the past - grew full of thick tears, solely displaying pain and sorrow at that moment. One last whimper snuck past her quivering lips. Eventually, she was fully gone.
Over and over again was he doomed to witness her disappearance. It was his fault again.
Though this time, he wasn’t lucky at all – Shiki was gone. Forever. Because who knew if he would possibly manage to get through the second week?
He was nothing but a puppet in this lame excuse of a show, being led by the invisible strings dangling from the composer’s hands. And he was tired.
Nonetheless, he still had to try.
Never would he abandon Shiki. She had dug her way into Neku’s heart, plantings seeds of bliss and hope there.
He truly wanted to be hopeful.
Yet in this reality, which was nothing but a shadow of the actual world, there was no hope without her. He struggled to keep going, always treasuring her smile in his mind. However, even he had his limit. Neku knew he could not go on like this forever. At the same time, he denied said realization, pushing his body past every limit.
He desperately needed to get her back. She was his light. She had guided him when he was lost in the beginning. She had always believed in him despite the horrible things he had done.
She had turned into his world and though he longed for that, he regretted it at the same time. Because that way, he had taken her world from her.
“… Just what am I supposed to do without you..?”
His voice was weak, barely making it past his dry lips. He was hunched over, balling his fingers to a fist, skin already turning white. A few sweat drops rolled down his forehead, as he gritted his teeth.
He was powerless and he hated that feeling. Why couldn’t he just wake up from this whole nightmare? Why did he have to die? Why did he have to take part in the Reaper’s Game?
He wanted to wake up.
He needed to wake up.
“… up!”
And now her voice was calling for him again. Would the same gruesome memory haunt him another time? He was in a trance, not able to clearly tell what was going on. All he knew was that he was in pain.
“Neku, wake up!”
Out of nowhere, his eyelids parted, as he was greeted by a worried but familiar face.
“Shiki..?”
The girl furrowed her eyebrows, brown eyes filled with obvious panic. She was propped up in the bed right next to him, one hand on his shoulder. Her pajamas were full of wrinkles and twisted as if she had moved around a lot prior. Had she been in a hurry? Why did she look so worried?
Neku didn’t know what was going on, however, his mind went blank upon seeing Shiki like that. It hurt him to have to watch her wear a pained expression, which was most likely because of him. Apparently, she had woken him up, calling out to him. Would she be mad at him for making her do this?
He bit his lip, sitting up next to her, avoiding her eyes that searched for his. Just then, he noticed that his shirt was drenched in sweat, as heat overwhelmed his whole body.
“Are you alright?”
Her worried voice broke past his meek defense, beckoning him to finally return her gaze. Shiki carefully eyed his face, concentrating to spot anything unusual. A sign that would tell her what Neku was feeling.
“What happened just now..?”
Neku slightly squinted his eyes, getting used to the darkness in the bedroom they were in. Meanwhile, Shiki started pouting – probably because he hadn’t answered her question first, whereas he offered a short “I’m fine” – before she sighed, a relieved smiled replacing the previous expression for a moment.
“I’m glad I managed to wake you up. You were shivering in your sleep and…”
The tone of her voice turned more solemn, eyes briefly wandering to the side, then facing Neku once more.
“You were calling my name but you sounded so hurt…” Her eyebrows were furrowed, as she gently reached for his hand beneath the cover, squeezing it lightly. “Did it happen again?”
Her words brought clarity to his world, as he remembered where he was and what had happened. Neku knew there was no point in lying to her to ease her mind – Shiki had a way too good understanding of his personality for that. Honestly, he did not even mind. He was glad she understood him that well; it definitely deepened their bond in a way he appreciated.
As much as he wanted to make the situation easier for her, he nodded in defeat, admitting, “Yeah… The memories came back again.” Pausing for a second, he felt something bitter gnaw at his heart, clenching his fist while adding, “I know it shouldn’t happen. It’s been such a long time since then.”
Shiki’s brown eyes softened upon hearing that, shaking her head in sympathy.
“That’s not true. It doesn’t matter how much time passes – what happened during the Reaper’s Game was horrifying. No one can expect us to ever forget about that. Ten years do not make a difference.”
As carefully as possible, she drew his hands towards her body, covering it with both of hers. The gesture was full of love and sincerity, immediately sending shivers down Neku’s spine. His eyes fixated on hers, unable to look away. The tension slowly eased, eventually fading into the background as their gazes remained glued to each other. Shiki slightly leaned in, hence Neku’s face grew redder, though he understood what she was doing. Because she wasn’t wearing her glasses at the time, she probably wished to catch a better sight of his expression. Despite being aware of that, his brain was overwhelmed with the urge to hold her, to never let go. She had been his guiding light for the past ten years – ever since they both had returned to the RG. Reality had struck them like a lightning bolt and times were harsh, however, with her on his side, Neku had managed to overcome most troubles. He was relieved their perfect synergy remained even after the game of life and death. They shared the same past in a way and it certainly strengthened their bond. Now, that he had lived with Shiki for quite a few years already, he had realized how much he truly loved her. Her endless optimism was sometimes rather vexing, seeing how it easily could turn into ignorant naivety, nonetheless, combined with her cheerful nature it was medicine to his damaged soul. She drew him in with every little action, curing his hurt self, even by merely sitting next to him. How someone’s presence could offer such warmth and comfort, was a mystery to the young man.
Yet he loved every second he could witness said miracle himself.
Gradually, Neku moved his hand up, placing it on their linked ones, squeezing Shiki’s hands with a tiny smile on his lips. She gasped, before chuckling lightly, satisfied Neku was back to his usual self.
“Thank you - for being here with me, you know.”
With a quick movement, he pulled her closer, before wrapping his arms around her thin body, savoring the sweetness of the moment. When her warmth was right next to him, his thoughts slowed down, more easily sorted. She offered him not only comfort but clarity. Shiki was such a wonderful person; he didn’t know how to put it into words. Then again, he wished to try and express himself more honestly. She was always doing a great job at speaking her mind, he yearned to try it as well. How could he not be motivated by her beautiful personality?
“I… Uhm, I don’t think I tell you often enough how much you mean to me…” He insecurely shifted a little, repositioning his arms around her back and waist - though never letting go. Meanwhile, Shiki raised her eyebrows, confused by his sudden bashfulness as he usually kept a cool attitude.
“So, I just wanted to say…” His eyes darted all over the place, pressing her body firmly against his chest, to stop her from seeing his expression. Even despite all these years, he had not gotten any less awkward when it came to discussing his feelings. Then again, after all this time, he had gained more determination to try, after watching how Shiki conquered each day with new energy. Therefore, he would do his best now too. The question that remained was: How to tell someone they were your world?
Suddenly, Shiki’s soft laughter reached his ears, hence he pulled back a little, their noses almost touching. His blue eyes sparked with curiosity and slight shame; afraid she was laughing at him.
However, this was Shiki they were talking about – she used one finger to poke his cheek, momentarily squinting both eyes, the corners of her lips drawn upwards. Seeing that face of hers calmed him down, reminding him of how his pessimistic side was rather a fear he didn’t need to worry about any longer instead of reality. Shiki’s answers were often so much more positive than he would imagine at first.
“You know, you haven’t changed a bit,” she started, gently placing her hand that had touched his face before on his cheek, “You’re still as awkward as you used to be.”
“How come?”
“Remember, how in the UG when you tried to cheer me up after learning about my inner conflict?” Her laughter echoed through their bedroom once again, filling it with an invisible light.
“You were even stuttering! I was so shocked back then!”
Neku had to concede that at said time, he had attempted his first try at conveying his emotion that sincerely, eventually making a good effort – with confidence to spare, that was. Despite the shyness that memory ignited within his heart, contentment prevailed over everything else. Shiki’s chirpy laughter was like a song he wanted to listen to for all eternity. He was glad the headphones were off his ears nowadays – how else would he be able to witness the sounds that made his heart beat faster in joy?
Seeing Neku smile, Shiki slowly ceased her laughter, returning the expression with the same amount of bliss shining in her brown eyes. There they were, after Neku’s nightmare that had filled their hearts with anxiety and fear, now reveling in a comfortable atmosphere full of light that would never be seen by others. They were in their own world, captured by each other.
Tenderly, Shiki rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes while taking in his familiar scent. How much she treasured having him by her side. Every day, he was her source of strength to keep trying. A reason to succeed – someone to make proud. Someone who she knew looked forward to her work and supported her step after step. Someone who loved her for who she truly was.
Neku took a deep breath, feeling a few strands of her short brown hair tickle his face, though it didn’t bother him. No, every part of her was something he wished to keep close.
Gingerly, he pulled his head back, before pressing his lips onto her forehead with the utmost care – placing a short, yet loving kiss on her skin. Shiki’s cheeks flared up, never getting used to Neku’s spontaneous romantic acts. She crinkled her nose, the smile lingering on her lips. Truthfully, she loved every second.
“Shiki, my world began anew with you after the game. Thank you.”
With those words, she felt her body grow a little weak, though Neku’s arms securely propped her up. Shiki knew those words were derived from something Hanekoma – or rather CAT – had once told Neku. Knowing how much he cared about the artist, it was an unbelievable honor to hear the young man whisper such a thing to her.
“You’re such a dork,” she played it off as a joke to lighten the atmosphere as she felt overwhelmed by her feelings, “I love you too.”
Soon, the darkness faded, and they were greeted by the sunrise, their hearts warmed by precious memories of their moments together. It was time to conquer yet another day of this life. Hand in hand, they would make it.