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It was no secret that Hueningkai was the most sensitive member of Tomorrow X Together. His hyungs all knew that, and so did pretty much everyone else that met them. They could see that the other members all tried to protect him from everything they could. While this was normal for the maknaes of most groups, it seemed to be on another level for Hueningkai.
So when Kai came back from a solo schedule quieter than normal, everyone was immediately on alert.
Instead of greeting the others in his bright way like he usually does, he kept his head down and walked right into the bathroom. They all heard the shower start a moment later and looked at each other worriedly.
“What’s up with Huening?” asked Soobin.
“I don’t know… I guess we’ll just have to ask him about it. Maybe he’s just tired,” said Yeonjun optimistically, but he didn’t look any more convinced than the others.
“We can hope,” Taehyun muttered before giving one last glance to the bathroom and going back to his phone, admittedly less enthusiastically than he was before.
Around ten minutes later, the shower stopped. The members tried not to look like they were paying too much attention as their maknae stepped out of the bathroom. Soobin turned around and saw that Kai’s eyes were red.
“Hyuka? What’s wrong?”
That got the others’ attention, and their heads all flew up to stare at Kai, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
“Wrong? What’s wrong? Nothing! Nothing’s wrong! Why would anything be wrong?” he laughed, but not in the usual dolphin-screechy manner. It was obviously forced and painfully not-Kai. This wasn’t right. “You know what, I’m not feeling very hungry tonight. I think I’ll just go to bed.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. He looked to be trying his best to avoid everyone’s eyes. “Good night.”
Just as he was turning to leave, Yeonjun spoke up.
“Hey, wait. We want to talk to you a bit.”
Kai froze and a defeated look came over him, as though he knew this was unavoidable yet was still trying his hardest to fight it. He stiffly walked to the sitting area, making it look like he thought every step was one closer to his demise. He cautiously sat down on the arm of one of the loveseats, not making eye contact with any of them.
“Ningning, we know something’s wrong. Tell us, please?”
Still, the youngest carefully didn’t meet anyone’s gaze. They sighed. Yeonjun got up and walked over, crouching in front of Kai.
“Can you look at me?” Nothing. Yeonjun took him by the chin and carefully brought his head up to make eye contact. “Kai, you know you can tell us anything, right? We want to know if something is bothering you.”
Hueningkai’s resolve seemed to be dissolving, little by little. It turned out to be Beomgyu who ultimately broke it.
“We love you a lot and we want to help you with whatever’s the matter. We don’t like seeing our baby in pain like this. Can you trust us enough to tell us? Please?”
Hearing this from the hyung who is usually least expressive of his affection cracked what little resistance Kai had left. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the tears that had started brimming from spilling over. Fuck, he thought, this isn’t how this was supposed to go.
In a vain attempt to keep the others from spotting his tears, he sprung forward and buried his face into Yeonjun’s neck. Looking back, Kai realized that this was probably counterproductive. However, at the time it seemed like the best option. Not expecting this, Yeonjun’s eyes widened and he would’ve tumbled backwards, if not for Taehyun steadying him. Yeonjun turned and looked into his dongsaeng’s eyes, noting the concern there that was reserved only for his family and groupmates. He glanced at Kai. Taehyun got the hint and helped Yeonjun walk the younger to a loveseat. At this point, Kai had given up trying to hide his crying and was heaving little gasps into Yeonjun’s neck to try and catch his breath.
It hurt the others to see their maknae like this. He was always such a bright and positive energy that to see that light extinguished was like going from sleeping with a nightlight to suddenly being forced to go without one. It was like the thing that seemed to ward off all of the bad in the world was ripped away.
Kai had curled himself into his eldest hyung’s side. Yeonjun was stroking Kai’s hair, wanting nothing more than to experience this pain himself instead. Taehyun was rubbing Kai’s back up and down, like his older sister used to do to him when they were younger. Soobin and Beomgyu felt useless, staring at the trio from their spot on the other loveseat. They wanted to help out so badly, to do whatever they could to make the youngest feel better, but couldn’t figure out where to do so.
It took fifteen more minutes, but eventually, with the help of Yeonjun’s steady breathing and the grounding touch of Taehyun, Kai calmed down enough to be able to open his eyes and look at each of his hyungs. Seeing the pure love accompanied by worriedness in their eyes almost set him off again, but he managed to reel himself in.
“You with us now?” asked Soobin.
Kai nodded slowly, wanting nothing more than to fade into nothingness now that the reality of the situation had finally faded in. Sure, he’s cried in front of the other members before. They’ve all cried in front of each other before, enough times that he shouldn't really be embarrassed about it anymore. And normally, he wouldn’t be. But this was not a normal situation. This was a whole lot more than a few minutes of crying because of the stress that comes with their line of work.
“Hey, no, none of that,” Beomgyu said, maybe sounding more harsh than he meant to. Luckily Kai was too distracted to notice, though Taehyun did give Beomgyu a glare for it. At Kai’s confused expression, Beomgyu elaborated. “I know you, and I know that look, Hueningkai. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about this. It’s completely okay to cry, especially with your hyungs. Hell, I’ve cried with you guys more times than I can count. We’re here for you. Got it?”
Though he didn’t, not entirely at least, Kai nodded, if only to get the lecture to stop. He wasn’t used to getting scolded by Beomgyu, who was so often getting scolded himself. It was clear that they didn’t fully believe him, but apparently it was good enough, because the question that he had been dreading came next.
“Can you tell hyungs what’s wrong? You know we can’t fix it for you unless we know what’s wrong.”
Seeing Kai’s continued reluctance, Soobin added: “It’s either tonight or tomorrow, baby. If you’re really not up to it tonight we can talk about this tomorrow, but there’s no putting it off later than that.”
Kai sighed. He was truthfully tired, but he saw no point in dragging this out longer than it needed to be. And if he knew his hyungs, and he liked to think he did after this long, he also knew that there was no chance of them letting this go. They could all be incredibly stubborn when it came to things like this.
So, no matter how much he wished that he could find some way to get out of it, he started to explain.
“I was doing some extra recording when one of the staff came by. He said that… um, he said that…”
Seeing the others patiently waiting, he gathered his courage, took a deep breath, and prepared himself for their reactions.
“He said that it was a wonder why I debuted with you guys, because I obviously couldn’t sing. Then he said that it might’ve been because I’m a decent visual, but that even that was questionable.” Kai gasped. “And- and I don’t even know why! I don’t know what I did!”
He could feel himself getting worked up again throughout his explanation, but Taehyun shushed him gently and started rubbing his back again. All of his hyungs looked terribly saddened, but also angry. Who was this man, this man who knew nothing about Kai, to say those things? Who was he to say all of those horrible, horrible, untrue things about Hueningkai, who was so unbelievably talented for his age? Their not-so-little maknae, who was the second tallest, who was one of the funniest, kindest, sweetest people any of them had met.
“Oh, Hyuka…”
“You know none of that is true, right? You are such a good singer, you might almost be as good as me, the legendary trainee!” After accomplishing his mission to get Kai to smile even just a little, Yeonjun continued. “And saying that you aren’t a visual? Please! He must be blind. Or old and jealous of your beautiful youth.”
They all felt a little better after hearing the giggles that came out of Kai, still not quite the screeching that they were used to, but getting there. The mood became more serious quickly though.
“Yeah, I know it’s not true. Realistically I know that I must be a good singer and I must be at least a decent visual in order to have even made it into the company as a trainee. In the back of my head I know that, but he brought everything to the front of my head and suddenly all I could think about was how if he thought that about me, there must be a whole lot more people who also think like that, and if that many people think like that, then there must be some truth to it, right?”
All of them had felt like this at some point, some more than others. They all got it, and all they could feel was relief that most of the time, Kai knew that none of it was true. But even still, they hated that he had doubts, and they hated that those doubts had to have been placed there by someone. They hated the fact that he even had to think about things like this, hated the fact that there are some people who felt the need to make him, to make anyone at all , think about things like this.
“No, no, no, there is absolutely nothing that man said that had any truth to it. He’s just jealous that you’re more successful now than he is or ever will be.”
Kai supposed this made sense. But…
“What about everyone else who says stuff like that? They can’t all be wrong.”
“They are, though. There will always be people who say mean things. It’s sad, but it’s unavoidable. Some people will always be mean just to be mean, hate just for the sake of hating. And nothing you can do will be able to change their mind, because they are determined to find something to criticize. The important thing is that you try your hardest not to let what they say get to you. I promise that for every one person who says that, there are so many more who say the exact opposite.” There went Soobin, giving his leader-like advice.
“And whenever you start doubting yourself in any way, come to any one of us. We all love you so much, Hyuka, and we’ll do whatever we can to rid your pretty little head of all your worries, no matter how big or small you think they are,” added Yeonjun.
“I think… I think I just might take you up on that, hyung. I think I might like that a lot,” Kai struggled to get his mouth to say the words his mind was forming. Now that most of the commotion was passed, his eyes felt rather droopy, his mind wanting to finally shut down after such a long day. Hearing his hyungs talk had always had a sort of calming effect on him- when they weren’t being as loud as they could be, of course.
Taehyun noticed and laughed a little. “You’re a little tired, huh? Been a long day?”
Kai settled for nodding his head. He didn’t think he could manage much else.
“How about we go to bed?” Yeonjun whispered.
“You’re carrying him, hyung, you know that right?” Beomgyu asked, laughing a little. “You’re the only one who can lift him for as long as it takes to get to your room, besides Taehyunnie. And I’m too scared of him to make him do it.”
Yeonjun would’ve argued, but when faced with the pleading eyes of three of his dongsaengs, and the utter exhaustion on Kai’s almost-asleep face, he just sighed and accepted his fate.
“Yeah, yeah, I got him.”
They walked together to Yeonjun’s room, where the biggest bed was. Kai was quickly placed right in the middle, his hyungs assembling around him. The next day would bring its own set of problems. They would probably make him tell them which staff member said this so they could take it to management. They would probably spend the whole day, and maybe even the rest of the week, giving him as many compliments as they could while still thinking they were being subtle. But why worry about problems now which you could worry about tomorrow? So yes, tomorrow would eventually come, and with it more problems, but Hueningkai thought that with these four people by his side, those problems might not turn out to be that bad at all.