Chapter Text
September 30th, 1003
TO: Doctor Radcliffe, Maria Hill, Nick Fury
CC:
SUBJECT: Approval for Ж Protocol
I am absolutely done. We are activating Ж Protocol tonight. I CANNOT deal with that lovesick fool one more minute. Of course, by lovesick fool I’m referring to Coulson. Agent May scares me. Are we sure she’s not an LMD, still?
Also, Maria, thank you for the restaurant suggestion the other day. My wife enjoyed Vanucii’s and was very impressed with the choice. Next time you’re in town again, she wishes to repay the favor.
General Talbot
September 30th, 1027
TO: General Talbot
CC: Doctor Radcliffe, Maria Hill
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Please refrain from sending unencrypted emails on secure servers immediately, Talbot!
The last thing we need is details of the operation to be leaked before activation.
Unless you’d enjoy a visit from Agent May?
Fury
September 30th, 1028
TO: General Talbot, Nick Fury
CC: Doctor Radcliffe,
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Thank you, General. I’m glad Carla enjoyed it. I look forward to finding a vetted place to enjoy a meal that won’t result in me spending time in Medical. Dr. Streiten tends to be a little too invested.
I agree with the activation of Ж Protocol. Melinda is growing increasingly more frustrated by the moment. I’m honestly starting to worry for Phil’s safety.
Maria Hill
September 30th, 1104
TO: General Talbot, Nick Fury, Maria Hill
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Just say the word. I’ve spoken to Fitz regarding this, and he has some ideas I believe will work.
Doctor Radcliffe
September 30th, 1115
TO: Doctor Radcliffe
CC: General Talbot, Maria Hill
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
NO ROBOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fury
September 30th, 1116
TO: Doctor Radcliffe
CC: General Talbot, Nick Fury
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
NO ROBOTS!
Maria Hill
September 30th, 1116
TO: Doctor Radcliffe
CC: Maria Hill, Nick Fury
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
ABSOLUTELY NO FRIGGIN’ ROBOTS!
General Talbot
September 30th, 1132
TO: Nick Fury, Maria Hill, General Talbot
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Honestly, that was one time, people. We shut the project down before it turned into a real mess. I also apologized profusely over it if you’ll remember. Also, technically speaking, she was an android, not a robot.
And for the record, how was I supposed to know my assistant would turn as quickly as she did?
My intentions were pure.
Doctor Radcliffe
September 30th, 1137
TO: Doctor Radcliffe
CC: Maria Hill, General Talbot
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
I’m sure Coulson would disagree. As would the kids and Agent May.
Need I remind you about the estimated dollar amount in damage your actions caused to the base?
Fool.
Talking about pure intentions.
Maria, back me up here.
Fury
September 30th, 1145
TO: Fury, Maria Hill, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Can we please get back to the point here, people? Operation Ж!! Are we a go?
General Talbot
September 30th, 1148
TO: Fury, Doctor Radcliffe, General Talbot
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
Yes, we are a go.
Maria Hill
September 30th, 1150
TO: Maria Hill, General Talbot, Fury
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Approval for Ж Protocol
GOD YES! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF SCHRÖDINGER'S CAT.
Doctor Radcliffe
September 30th, 1201
TO: General Talbot, Maria Hill, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Ж Protocol
Attachment: ЖProtocol.docx
In response to intense magnetic disruptions that are affecting the daily operations of S.H.I.E.L.D., The United States Government, and the Scientific Community at large, I hereby invoke Ж (Zhe) Protocol effective immediately.
Please see the attachment for further details.
For any questions, please contact Maria Hill.
Fury
September 30th, 1203
TO: Fury
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Thanks for that.
Just to clarify that WAS sarcasm.
Maria Hill
Attachment
Ж Protocol
This document delineates the objectives and actions of Ж (Zhe) Protocol. The intended outcome of Ж Protocol is the coupling of two polarizing forces known as Agents Phil Coulson and Melinda May. The conflict has been ongoing for thirty years with no resolution. Previous attempts have failed thus far: see Phoenetian Protocols AZ-BZ and Roman Protocols III, V, and XI.
Objectives:
- Create atmosphere conducive to the expression of long repressed emotions.
- Identify target areas for each subject to encourage open and honest communication.
- Lay out evidence that demonstrates how long-lasting and trusting relationships may develop into intense feelings resulting in long-term coupling.
- Provide safe release for frustrations of an intense biological nature.
Actions:
- Isolate subjects.
- Gain access to subjects’ calendar to find common time where their absence will not affect daily S.H.I.E.L.D. activities.
- Inform team of indefinite absence to ensure no overlap occurs.
- Reserve available Container Module.
- Contact both subjects via separate emails with directions to head to Module.
- Lock subjects inside.
- Interrogate subjects remotely.
- Question each subject to list grievances and hopes.
- Inquire what holds them back from completion.
- Show video evidence of past missions and moments.
- Contact expert on subjects to compile evidence.
- Display video evidence on monitor inside Module.
- Ensure safeties are on monitor.
- Doublecheck monitor can withstand ALL forms of damage.
- Leave subjects alone to their own devices.
- Switch off cameras.
- Distract team.
- Unlock doors after 48 hours have elapsed.
Should things go wrong: measures must be taken to frame those least likely to be caught in the crosshairs of friendly fire. ie members of the S.H.I.E.L.D. currently led by Agent Coulson.
September 30th, 1207
TO: Nick Fury, General Talbot, Maria Hill
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Excellent! This one will work this time. I’m sure of it.
Doctor Radcliffe
September 30th, 1212
TO: Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
That’s what you said last time, Radcliffe. It’s why we’re currently in the GODDAMN Russkies’ alphabet for Pete’s sake, son! And you know how much I hate the Russkies!
Looks good, though, Fury.
I’ll ask Agent Lovesick when he’s free and report back.
General Talbot
September 30th, 1215
TO: Fury, Doctor Radcliffe, General Talbot
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
The whole world knows, General. Trust me.
I’ll contact you with some potential dates and times.
Let’s get this done, people.
Maria Hill
September 30th, 1217
TO: Maria Hill
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Don’t get caught, Hill. They do have a damn good hacker on their team.
Fury
September 30th, 1221
TO: Nick Fury, General Talbot, Maria Hill
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
General, I can give you some insight if you’d like to know how best to approach. I spent quite some time around the two polarizing forces. The magnetism was quite fascinating to observe.
Doctor Radcliffe
September 30th, 1223
TO: Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
When you resorted to kidnapping and torture of a decorated S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, right?
This isn’t my first rodeo, cowboy.
General Talbot
September 30th, 1226
TO: Nick Fury, General Talbot, Maria Hill
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
For the last time, I apologize. However, for the record, please tell me how I was supposed to know it would have had those results? It was supposed to calm, not set off a cataclysmic explosion.
Doctor Radcliffe
October 15, 1034
TO: Fury, Maria Hill, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Ж Protocol is a go for October 20. We have to do this fast, people, before they catch on. Phil is a lovesick fool, but not a complete idiot.
General Talbot
October 15, 1054
TO: Fury, General Talbot, Doctor Radcliffe
CC:
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Agreed, General. Agent May lives in a state of near paranoia. The slightest thing will tip her off, and there will be consequences to that.
Need I remind you she’s known as The Calvary to every S.H.I.E.L.D. cadet at the academy for a reason.
Maria Hill
October 15, 1100
TO: Fury, Maria Hill, General Talbot
CC: Leopold Fitz
SUBJECT: Re: Ж Protocol
Maybe we should give more thought to safety protocols. Meaning our safety. And how to maintain the compartmentalization of our vital organs when exposed to this level of magnetism.
Doctor Radcliffe