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Contrary to popular belief Jon was in fact in possession of a single brain cells worth of self awareness. It was atrophied and rarely used, but it did exist. Which was why when he had the first dream he brushed it off. When he had the third dream however that poor abused spark of self awareness valiantly fought to bring to his attention that there was something not quite right.
The thing was that Jon was a paranormal researcher at heart- regardless of what the plaque on his new office read, and he was well versed enough in paranormal phenomena to recognized post-cognitive dreams when he saw them.
For all that Jon did really and truly believe in the paranormal, he had never once entertained the idea that psychics might be anything other than scam artists, which was why he was so incredibly annoyed that he himself appeared to be developing psychic abilities.
But he was a researcher at heart, and what’s more he worked for the foremost institute on such phenomena, so rather than taking the dreams at face value he decided to conduct a few experiments.
Psychic abilities were one of the more well researched fields in esoteric studies, so there was a wealth of information available to him, if he was willing to sift through the stuff that was obviously false- and there was a great deal of things that were obviously false. Still, he persevered. He eventually came to the conclusion that post-cognitive dreams most likely fit into the category of clairvoyance or claircognizance. Or in laymen’s terms clear seeing, and clear knowing respectively.
Which was how he found himself sitting at his desk, long after his employees had gone home, with a single deck of cards stolen from the break room.
“This is stupid.” He said glaring at the dog-eared deck. “There is no way this is going to work.” He shook his head, of course it wouldn’t work, that’s why he needed to prove it to himself. Once he knew for certain that psychic abilities were in fact completely fake he would finally be able to put this nonsense behind himself and move on. Maybe get a prescription for sleeping medication to deal with the dreams. He glared at the cards. “Fine.” He said his frown deepening as he tried to Know what card lay on the top of the deck, feeling utterly foolish. “Ace of Spades.” He said before flipping the card over to reveal- Huh. The ace of spades. That- that was weird. Not impossible of course, it was a 1/52 chance he guessed the correct card, the odds weren’t that crazy.
“Six of hearts.” He said, flipping the next card over to reveal- Yep. That was the six of hearts. Jon felt his own heart begin to beat faster.
“Ten of clubs.” Flip. Correct.
“Jack of hearts.” Flip. Correct.
“Two of diamonds.” Flip. Correct.
He went through the entire deck. Twice. He didn’t miss a single card.
“Fuck.” He shook his head as something worse dawned on him. His coworkers must never know. If they found out that Jonathan ‘known skeptic’ Sims was a bloody psychic of all things he would never live it down. He let his head bang gently on his desk as he tried to process this latest nonsense life had chose to throw at him. Why him? Why now? Right as he was starting a new job? As if he didn’t have enough things to worry about already! The only option was to suppress it. Surely, he had gone his entire life without being psychic, how hard could it be to ignore it?
***
Ignoring the abilities was significantly harder than Jon had initially thought. It was as of now that he knew about them they were eager to be used. Telling him where he left his wallet when he lost it, or reminding him it was Tim’s birthday tomorrow. It was maddening. In part because he couldn’t really say that he didn’t want to know to take an umbrella because it was going to rain- or that there was some kind of accident and walking to work would be quicker. It was infuriatingly useful, the trouble was That Jon was a terrible liar and hiding it was- not exactly going well.
“Hey boss, Marto’s making tea you want any?” Tim asked, his hand griping the doorframe and leaning into the office in a way that made Jon certain that one day he was going to fall flat on his face.
“Ah, yes, thank you. Oh! But tell him not to use the milk, it’s gone off.” Jon said looking up from his notes.
“Gotcha, had an unfortunate early morning cuppa then did you?” Tim asked with a teasing smile.
“What?” Jon asked in confusion, before it occurred to him how he knew that the milk had gone off. “Oh. Um yes, yes that’s- that is, what happened.” Tim gave him a weird look.
“…right.” He said, as he turned to leave. Jon wanted to hit his head against the desk. That had been the third close call this week! There was no way he could keep this up, he would need to either get rid of the stupid abilities, or find a way to control them.
Being honest with his coworkers never even occurred to him.
***
Elementals Metaphysical; new age and crystals. Jon cringed. Even the name was hokey. He pulled his hat lower over his eyes, and surreptitiously adjusted his sunglasses, trying to sink into the collar of his coat. He had gone so far to consider purchasing a false nose, but he had a feeling that it would fall of at an inopportune moment anyway, and he was learning to trust those feelings- that much he had figured out on his own.
He had attempted to select a time when the shop would be the least busy, but upon entering he realized that may have been a mistake as that meant he had the undivided attention of the shop clerk.
“Hello sir, how can I help you today?” Jon cringed. And wished his new abilities had come with something actually useful like invisibility, or the power to sink into the floor so he could avoid these kinds of interactions.
“Just looking.” He mumbled quietly hoping she might take the hint and leave him to browse in mortified peace.
“Oh of course!” She said. “There’s lots to look at! Were you looking for yourself? Or for a gift?”
Jon wanted to die. Why did she have to keep talking. This was bad, he couldn’t even leave because that would be even more inconspicuous. He was trapped by social convention.
“For myself.” He muttered, and then mentally kicked himself, he could have lied and said it was a gift, that might have helped absolved some of the shame of being in a place like this in the first place.
“That’s fantastic, is it your first time shopping with us?” Could she just, not read cues? Jon didn’t think he was being subtle.
“Yes.” He risked a glance up and was rewarded with her bright and cheerful smile- which only served to make him feel worse.
“Did you have any idea of what you were looking for? Crystals, tarot-“ he was unable to stop the scoff that bubbled up from his throat. He tried to turn it into a cough- but from the look she was giving him he obviously failed. She sighed. “It’s ok if you don’t believe any of this stuff, but I get the feeling that you came here for a reason, I could do a reading for you if you like?” Oh god no that- that was even worse- he needed to come up with something to distract her, the last thing he wanted was some charlatan charging him money to read his own body language and pretend to gain information about it through tacky artwork.
“I think I might be psychic.” He blurted out and then felt his heart stop. It was the first time he had actually admitted it out loud to another person, and the situation was rapidly spiralling out of his control. The shop clerk gave him a long look.
“Having trouble with it then?” She asked and Jon could feel his face heat up and he couldn’t meet her eyes.
She started going on about all kinds of rocks and their ‘energy’ and how that can help with control- Jon was desperate enough at this point that he ended up buying half a dozen of the overpriced minerals, three books on ‘unlocking your psychic potential’ and a dozen or so things that if asked he doubted he could explain the use of. And a pamphlet for a psychic convention happening later in the week. That wouldn’t have interested him, but it boasted a talk on how to hone claircognizance, and Jon figured if the speaker was legit, it may be his best chance to find someone who could actually help control the blasted abilities.
***
The books he had bought were physically painful to read, all full of new age nonsense and bullshit about ‘getting in touch with your emotions’ and meditating. Jon hated meditating. It was all the worst parts of sleep, except he had to be awake for it. It wasn’t just that his mind didn’t go blank like that- sitting still for any length of time wasnt just difficult it was an impossibility. Jon fidgeted with pens, and hair elastics- he had a special plastic spinner plate under his desk for when he recorded statements, he had gotten good at hiding it, but if you knew how to look he was Always moving.
So meditation was not exactly the answer he was looking for. However yesterday he had told Martin to take Tim with to investigate the Vittery statement as he had a “bad feeling” which may have actually been worse than meditating. So here he was sitting on the floor trying, and failing to not think about things.
His thoughts kept drifting to Martin and Tim, how on earth he was going to explain what he meant by a “bad feeling” if they confronted him on it, after a while he gave up on meditation entirely and let his mind wander to the imaginary conversation- that way he would be prepared for the confrontation if it happened.
He supposed this might be the one time his arachnophobia might come in handy, Tim had known him long enough to know that he was terrified of spiders, Tim might believe him if he had said that a statement of evil murder spiders just made him nervous. And Jon told himself, it didn’t really matter what Martin thought. The man had lied on his CV anyway- Jon paused. That was new information. It certainly explained some things though.
Like why the man was incapable of properly compiling his sources- or utterly unfamiliar with the texts that someone with a masters in parapsychology should have had practically memorized. It even explained why he seemed so determined to suck up to Jon as much as possible. He needed the job desperately, if he lost the institute health plan he’d never be able to afford his mothers care home- oh. That, was also new information. That last bit actually felt pretty invasive, and Jon had the good grace to feel slightly ashamed of the intrusion to Martin’s privacy.
He remembered how expensive care homes could be from his Gran’s final few years- not to mention how stressful it was to try and make sure an elderly relative was looked after like that when there was no other family left. Jon shook his head. Well, now that he knew that Martin wasn’t necessarily incompetent, just untrained, perhaps there would be a way to teach him what he needed to know. Maybe Jon could leave some of his old textbooks surreptitiously on Martin’s desk?
Or maybe since he and Tim were trapped together for the foreseeable future Tim could give him some pointers? Wait. What? Jon’s phone began to ring, and he Knew it was going to be a very important call.
“Tim?” He answered without looking at the caller ID.
“Jon! Thank God! We are trapped in Martin’s flat- there was-“ the sound of loud knocking cut him off for a moment. “There was a worm lady- she, Prentiss, she attacked us and followe-“ more loud knocking. “She’s right outside the door Jon I-“ Tim sounded more afraid than Jon had ever heard him, he could hear the sounds of Martin moving around in the background and he Knew the man was duck tapeing all the possible cracks to seal Prentiss out.
“Tim does Martin have a fire extinguisher?” Jon interrupted.
“What- I, hey Martin do you have a fire extinguisher?” There was a muffled affirmative. “He says he does boss.” Tim dutifully responded.
“Good, she’s vulnerable to CO2.” Jon said, not questioning the information. The blasted abilities hadn’t been wrong so far, and Jon had never been more certain of anything in his life than he was of that information.
“Right. Right o-ok. I- I’m gonna put you on speak ok Jon, and, um- I’ll uh, I’ll give that a try.” There was a few very tense moments as Jon listened to the furious debate between Martin and Tim, before he heard the sounds of a scuffle and a scream as Tim presumably sprayed Prentiss with the fire extinguisher. Jon could practically See the scene, Martin had a broom in his hands and as Tim sprayed Martin hit Prentiss in the chest pushing her back so that they would have enough room to get past her, remaining calm even as his broom just broke through her pitted skin. Breaking into her chest cavity with no apparent effect.
The butt of the fire extinguisher to her head however proved effective in how it collapsed half of her face in, finally causing her to take several stumbling steps back, and Tim and Martin to run.
“J-Jon?” Martin said to the speaker phone as they ran, Jon couldn’t hear it so much as he just sort of Knew what Martin had said.
“Get back to the Archives. They are climate controlled and sealed.” Jon said already pulling on his shoes to meet them there. “Stay on the line, I’m on my way there now.” He shot Sasha a text as he spoke, it would be better to have all hands on deck for this. With some slight hesitation he grabbed some of the things he had purchased from the new age store, maybe they would be helpful maybe not, but it was better to be prepared, the only thing it would cost was his pride at any rate.
“O-ok Jon.” Martin said sounding out of breath.
“Sounds good boss. We’ll see you soon. Hopefully.” Tim added, panting just as hard. Jon assumed they were running, and made sure to pick up his own pace.
They ended up making it to the archives at more or less the same time, Sasha joining a few minutes later, carrying as many fire extinguishers as she’d been able to fit in her car.
“How did you know about the fire extinguishers boss?” Tim asked after they had relayed their experience. Jon tensed. He really should have come up with an explanation for this in advance. “Cuz I’m pretty sure I’ve read all the same statements as you- and I dont remember anything about CO2 in the Prentiss statements.” He didn’t sound accusatory, just curious- which honestly made it worse.
“I- uh, most things don’t respond well to CO2?” Jon tried, Tim gave him a flat look.
“You did not just risk our lives on a hunch.” Tim said. Jon deflated.
“No, it-“ his face made a series of pained expressions. “Recently I have been-“ why was this so hard to say? “Gaining certain insights that I did not have before.”
“Jon that make absolutely no sense.” Sasha said, ever the voice of reason. Jon looked like he had swallowed a lemon.
“I just- I just knew alright? Now was Prentiss dead or do you think she may still be a threat?” Jon said trying desperately to steer the conversation away from his deeply embarrassing secret.
“I- I think we may have, um. Killed her.” Martin said, the memory of the crunch her head had made as it caved in still a little too fresh for his comfort.
“Good. Right that’s, that’s good. We should call the ECDC, make sure the body is properly cleaned up. Don’t- don’t worry about the risk of criminal charges, I believe she was legally classed as a biohazard after the incident at the hospital.” Jon said, he hadn’t known about that last bit until he said it, but once he had he knew it with complete certainty.
“How on earth can you possibly know that?” Sasha asked, her phone already out to try and verify it.
“Uh.” Jon said intelligently.
“Yeah are you some kind of psychic now boss?” Tim teased, and Jon’s expression must have given something away as the tone of the room changed very suddenly.
In point of fact Jon very much resembled a certain four legged mammal caught in the headlights.
“N-no that, that would be ridiculous.” He stammered. Everyone turned to look at Jon. He shifted nervously and one of the crystals he had shoved into his pocket on his way to the archives fell out and hit the floor. The silence was absolute.
Very slowly Martin picked up the pyrite that lay on the floor. It was one of the ones that had been cut into a fun shape, Jon had liked it because it made him feel less like he was carrying around a rock, and more like it had a purpose.
Martin carefully flipped the crescent shaped stone around in his hand, and set it down on the table. Everyone turned back to look at Jon. He hurried his head in his hands.
“Fine.” He mumbled in to them. “Imaybealittlepsychic.” He said in a rush. He didn’t need to look up to see the absolute glee writ on Tim’s face, nor the fascination in Sasha’s. He risked a glance up and caught a hint of concern from Martin though which was not at all what he was expecting.
“What do you mean by that Jon?” Sasha asked, ever the researcher, even still Jon wanted to melt into the floor.
“I- god sometimes I just- Know things ok? It’s not, god I know how ridiculous it sounds, but I-“ He sighed. Shoulders slumping in further. “I can’t seem to stop it.” He added, voice trembling ever so slightly.
“I mean, you have been under a lot of stress lately.” Sasha pointed out. “There have been records of people developing ESP related abilities in response to high stress.”
Jon wasn’t sure if it was better or worse that they seemed to believe him. Hell he barely believed himself! And he was the one being forced to meditate. Jon finally looked up.
“Do you want your magic rock back Jon?” Tim asked with a shit eating grin, and Jon flinched, but held his hand out to Martin. As much as he hated to admit it, the rocks did actually help a little. He wasn’t sure if it was in his head, or if the grounding techniques the books had recommended actually worked but, he would take what he could get at this point.
“Thank you for saving us Jon.” Martin said quietly as he passed it back, his fingers lingering for half a second longer than they needed to, and Jon was hit with a burst of Knowledge about the man. Little things mostly like the way he like his tea, or how he like to add m&ms to his popcorn. The way Martin sometimes felt like an outsider at the institute because he had never actually had a supernatural experience- until now at least. Jon shuddered at the intimacy, and tried not to see the hurt that flashed through Martin’s eyes. He didn’t know how to apologize though, and he resolved to try and do something nice for the man to make up for it. Maybe flowers? He Knew Martin like flowers.
***
As it turned out not much changed after that, Prentiss was indeed dead; thankfully it was ruled that she died to to the parasite, rather than blunt force trauma. As that resulted in significantly less paper work and less time spend at the Magnus institute for all parties involved.
Tim had been utterly delighted by the revelation that Jonathan “known skeptic” Sims was a psychic. Of course Jon had instituted a blanket ban of the “p word” he had been quite firm, that he might have psychic abilities, but he was Not psychic. To Tim it was the same thing as saying “I work within the field of archiving” vs saying “I am an archivist” he supposed Jon just wanted a degree of separation between himself and his abilities.
So Tim took to playing a series of small practical jokes on the man. In the name of allowing Jon to become more comfortable with his abilities of course. Jokes that Jon was, if he wasn’t distracted by something particularly in engaging; phenomenally good at avoiding. Sometimes not knowing why he was avoiding them in the first place, which was legitimately even funnier. The pinnacle of which was the time Tim had messed with his chair, and Jon spent the entire day sitting on the floor.
When Martin had asked why, concerned that Jon may have injured his back or something, Jon had glared at his chair.
“I don’t know why but the chair - there is something wrong with it.”
“Bad vibes?” Tim called from behind Martin. It had quickly become their short hand for Jon’s abilities. Much to Jon’s displeasure.
“Rancid.” He agreed flatly. Tim had burst out laughing and taken pity on Jon by removing the whoppie cushion he had strategically placed under it. Tim had been punished- rather unfairly in his opinion, by being forced to inventory the supply closet.
Martin on the other hand, had been given the cushy assignment of retrieving lunch for the crew. Blatant favouritism Tim had thought fondly, as he looked at the vibrant bouquet of flowers on Martin’s desk.
***
All told Jon had been surprised at how easily his new abilities were accepted by his coworkers. The little bursts of insight were incredibly helpful in helping him to understand his coworkers- no, his friends. And in turn Jon knew they each helped in their own way. Tim normalized it for Jon so much with the stupid pranks. And while Jon would never admit it, he had found his control improved by the exercise of avoiding them.
And Sasha had waded through enormous amounts of false research to help him find actually helpful information on his abilities.
Martin Jon was half convinced was psychic himself, as he always seemed to know when Jon was getting overwhelmed, and being him tea, or help him with a grounding exercise. For better or worse Jon had begun to associate Martin with being safe and taken care of. Which wouldn’t be a problem, except that Jon was his boss and there was a real power imbalance there that Jon needed to be very careful of.
Which was why he had gone to Elias. He had hoped the man might be able to clear up some of the vagueness of the employee code of conduct, and weather it would be inappropriate for Jon to perhaps begin making moves towards deepening his friendship with Martin. However, he handing really interacted with Elias all that much since he had begun to develop his abilities and meeting the man again now was more of a shock than he had been prepared for.
Elias was evil. Jon didn’t know how else to describe it. Everything about the man just oozed malice. Outwardly nothing changed in his behaviour, he didn’t seem any different than the older mentor that Jon had looked up to for so long, but he Knew with utter certainly that Elias Bouchard wanted to hurt him very badly.
Jon stumbled through their interaction, making up something about budget increases rather than his true purpose before fleeing back down to the archives.
“We have a problem.” He said the second he was able to see his team.
“What is it Jon?” Martin asked standing up.
“Elias is evil.” This was met with blank stares.
“I mean, yeah?” Sasha said. “That’s not exactly news.”
“No.” Jon insisted. “Like, he didn’t actually have an aura he oozed malice levels of evil, like I- I have a headache from standing too close to him levels of evil- like, he’s actually the spirit of a Victorian capitalist occultist possessing the body of Elias Bouchard by removing his eyeballs level of evil- wait.”
“You ok there boss?” Tim asked cautiously.
“No, no that’s-“ Jon shook his head as unbidden Knowlage began to flow into his head. He took a deep breath and tried one of the grounding techniques he had read about, attempting to center himself, and control the influx of Knowing, picturing it like a tap and slowly turning the flow down.
“Elias Bouchard is Jonah Magnus. He’s been trying to feed us to- a fear god? I think?” He shook his head. “It’s- there’s a lot there I don’t-“
“Is, is this, do you know this cuz of your spooky abilities?” Tim asked.
“Yes.” Jon said ignoring the teasing in Tim’s tone, this was not the time for teasing, and Tim straightened up when he realized that Jon was being serious.
“Well fuck.” Tim said.
“What do we do about it?” Martin asked.
“I- I don’t know.” Jon was pacing now, trying to stem the flood of information, the knowledge of exactly how Elias- Jonah intended to hurt him. “He- he wants to hurt me. I- it’s the only clear thing I get from him, he wants to hurt me really badly.”
“Right.” Sasha said, reaching into her desk and pulling out a thick Manila folder. “I was saving this for an emergency, and I think this counts. This is a record of every crime I’ve been able to prove that Elias Bouchard has committed. Starting with drug dealing- some low level stuff in uni, all the way up to embezzlement.”
“Sasha.” Tim said after a moment of silence. “I love you but you really scare me sometimes.” She beamed at him and then stuck her tongue out.
“It won’t work.” Jon said his pacing becoming more fabric- Martin pursed his lips as he watched and went to pull out the kettle. “He’s- he also has-“ Jon waved a hand and his own head.
“Spooky powers?” Tim asked.
“Yes!” Jon agreed, not bothering to correct the term ‘spooky.’ The tone changed after that, Tim and Sasha exchanged a look, it was clearly more serious than they had thought.
“So what do we do?” Sasha asked.
“I don’t know!” Jon said. “An exorcism? Do those even work on eyeballs?”
“Melon baller?” Martin called from the kitchen. That gave them all pause, as they considered it.
“No. No that’s crazy!” Tim said standing up. “We, we just have to- I don’t know quit? Go on strike? Is there a union for supernatural research institutes we can reach out to?” They looked at Sasha who seemed the most likely to know that sort of thing.
“No.” She shook her head. “Trust me I did look, it’s not like there’s loads of opportunities. The closest thing we have is the Usher foundation, It’s not technically a company union, but it’s about as close as you can get in the States. Apparently they had some issues with lifetime contracts? They only have two chapters though and they are both in the US. I can reach out just in case though, they may have some resources they can point us to.” She added, already moving to her computer to open her email. After she had been turned down for the Archivist position she had looked into other options, they weren’t great, but she had ended up making friends with Jen who headed up the Paranormal Researchers Union. She had looked into starting a chapter in England but she didn’t think she have enough support. Still the two had kept in touch.
Martin came back into the room with tea for everyone, finally succeeding in getting Jon to cease his pacing, at least long enough to drink the tea.
“What about flash blindness?” Martin suggested. “If Jonah Magnus is possessing Elias Bouchard through the eyes, it stands to reason that he might be weakened by blindness. Maybe if we distract him with enough things he won’t see it coming.”
“That- “ Jon paused. “That might actually work.” He took a long drink of tea as he considered it. “Yes that might actually work.”
***
The plan ended up being relatively simple. Sasha started a minor fire in the Archives, only the disproven statements, but enough to cause some real problems. Since Tim had dismantled the fire suppression system due to a “malfunctioning alarm.” Caused throughout the week with the help of Jon’s lighter.
Martin ran up to get Elias down to the Archives- as he was the best actor among them, much to Jon’s concerned surprise. And Jon was tasked with setting off a flash Grenade.
The fact that the plan actually worked was as much a surprise to the Archival crew as it was to one Jonah Magnus. The fact that the first thing Elias Bouchard did upon regaining control of his body was pop his eyeballs out with a teaspoon, was a surprised to everyone.
It did solve the problem of the evil Victorian capitalist boss though.
And the newest branch of the Paranormal Researchers Union took care of the rest.