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This situation wasn't what Bam had been in before. Come to think of it - there was never a situation that Bam had seen. Every interaction was something new. If he could've left FUG, he would have. Some things were just too precious to sacrifice.
Losing someone was something that Bam was only now experiencing. It didn't matter if they were alive or dead. He thought he lost Rak on the Hell Train, and Yihwa too. But he hadn't heard anything from Wangnan.
Bam was sure that he would lose himself along the way. There was always a reason to remain the way he was. His friends. And Khun. Grief would hit him hard if he ever lost them. Bam would stop being Bam if that were to happen.
"Think too hard, and you're going to hurt yourself," Khun says sarcastically, snapping Bam out of his depressing thoughts.
Bam blinks a couple of times before looking up at Khun.
"Is something bothering you?"
Bam's hand reaching behind his head to scratch his neck. "Not really,"
"You're lying," Khun says bluntly, "you're acting isn't the best,"
The both of them sat down at a table facing each other. It was just Khun and Bam, plus Shibisu.
"Well, I guess," Bam starts, shifting his gaze to the outside.
There was always some questions inside him, something he wanted to know.
"All those years I was training with FUG," both Khun and Shibisu's attention was now on Bam, "what was it like, me not being there?"
"You don't need to ask something like that, you're here now, and that's all that matters," Khun says quickly, trying to change the subject.
It was easy to see that Khun was uncomfortable, and it hurt Bam to see Khun like this. The loss must have been unbearable.
"Khun, please. It felt like hell to not be with you guys. I lost my reason to continue,"
The fear of what happened in the past came back to bite Khun. Losing Bam was something he never wanted to happen again. They thought they had lost each other enough already.
"I suppose the memory of you made us want to continue," Shibisu adds, encouraging Khun to chime in. "You and Khun were close, so I imagine it must've been a horrible pain to live with,"
"Shut up," there was discomfort in Khun's face. He looked at Bam as if to say, 'why did you bring this up now?'. "There was always something inside telling me to act more depressed, but I that that wasn't something you would've wanted,"
Bam wanted to listen and to understand Khun's emotions more. How could he be close to someone and not understand them? He couldn't imagine breaking someone's heart again. Rachel had already done that to him on multiple occasions. A friendship based on destruction was something Bam didn't want.
"I never thought that we'd become as close as we are now.
You weren't that much when I first met you. But you grew on me. You're just too damn likeable,"
A soft smile made its way to Khun. The light that forever shined from Bam was something that made people happy. Especially Khun. If that light were ever to dim and die out, it would be the end.
"You're persistent and stubborn, Bam," Shibisu adds again. "But that's what we love about you,"
"Can we change the subject please, this is just too damn depressing," Khun says, leaning back on his chair.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you on edge," Bam comments.
"You don't need to say sorry. Maybe I'm overreacting to it,"
"I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have said anything,"
"Stop it. Being curious isn't a bad thing, and you would've asked anyway,"
Even if his thoughts often did take him back to the cave, hearing Rak's loud voice echoing in his mind was enough to snap him out. He was lucky to have everyone. It was just that Khun was more of a voice of reason than anyone else.
The fear he felt when he was alone in FUG was enough to shake him, even make him feel paralysed by it. Talking was helping him release his worries, and it had done him good. The few minutes he had with Khun and Shibisu made him realise that they were like a jigsaw puzzle: they weren't complete if they weren't together.