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The sun arose, golden light shining upon a field of flowers of glaze lilies. The lovely ivory color pranced across the plains, small pebbles scattered around as the water rushed by falling into a long stream of waterfall down below. Peace and quiet, it was a moment of serenity; undisturbed and unperturbed. This was what Childe longed for — no, this was what Ajax longed for. Laying on the grass with nothing to care for, the rays of sunshine bathing his body that craved the peaceful background.
Childe — a title that he’d sullied and tainted with blood and merciless slaughter because of his drive to be an active machine in war; a title that he honors as the Eleventh Harbinger; a title that had scared many who’ve heard of his doings; a title of a strong man who’d countered many dangerous beings and lived.
And at the same time, a title that broke him bit by bit.
It was the very title that one day would spread a little far too wide in all of Teyvat that his younger siblings would hear of it. Where they would find out he worked as a villain in this cruel world; where his secret that he tried so hard and so long to keep; a secret to keep his family from being involved in dark business that could risk putting them in danger. Childe had to — no, Ajax — this was what he was keeping them from.
A world of monsters, nothing but ruin and lies — a cryptic and unapologetic dimension where if he asked as gently as he could, no one would bat an eyelash to help. A world so corrupted that despite not wanting to turn out a villain, Ajax turned into a fine asset on the battlefield. A world so unkind that just a simple witness to bloodshed would make one’s skin crawl and burn. A world where a young Ajax was forced to be brought into the Fatui because his desire to pursue violence was uncontrollable.
And one day, maybe that flickering grace of sanity in him would one day snap into a wisp of a flame.
Tartaglia couldn’t bear to picture his beloved younger brother look at him with soulless eyes, with indescribable disbelief as he would give him a look of incredulity if he saw his hands dirtied with wet gooey blood. He wouldn’t be able to fathom his surroundings; he might lash out; he might hurt—
No.
Tartaglia shakes his head, trying to rid of the negative thoughts in his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about such things in such an atmospheric calmness. He should be having fun; enjoying the scenery and resting. A good Harbinger shouldn’t break his mind over little things, no?
No. He had to stay calm; stay sane.
His family was waiting for him in Snezhnaya. Returning home into their arms with a broken mind would be like exposing his dark and poisonous behavior to his loved ones when it’s but a part of him.
‘Do not forget, Ajax, you are here to provide for your relatives and to serve the Tsaritsa as she sees fit. She wouldn’t like you questioning your abilities because she is never doubtful of your skills as one of her trustees.’
The ginger-haired male nearly lets out a laugh — would his family still look at him the same? Like he is a proud warrior who fights for the better good, someone who brings his family’s name to honor by selling toys that all children alike enjoy the toys he make? Would Teucer still look at him with those sparkling, bright jewels in his ocean-blue eyes, gazing up at him with unparalleled admiration? Or would they all turn their back on him, realizing that they’d been admiring a murderer in disguise?
Archons, he needed a distraction—
“Ajax?” A soft whisper brings him back to reality. The hallucination of his family staring at him in horror disintegrated into dust, his lifeless eyes blinking to turn his head sideways. His eyes met (e/c), and he felt his heart soften.
The girl he loves, the woman of his dreams, the queen he would rightfully do anything for so long as it was in his power. You were beautiful, inside and out. Your smile as your lips curl up onto an upwards curve, showing off that perfect smile that would brighten up his days to no end; your eyes that shined in the darkest of nights that not even the moon could compare; your hands that he loved holding even if there was no reason to — if people asked him if you were some sort of divine being, he would’ve responded yes. There was no one like you in the world.
The woman that loves him, the woman that cares for him, the woman that he keeps coming home to because he was high off on paradise every second he spent with you. There, next to him on the grass, you lied next to him with your hands resting on your chest as your head was tilted to face him.
“Yeah… what is it?”
You gave him a disapproving frown, brows furrowing. “You had this look again.”
“Did I?” The Snezhnayan male chuckles awkwardly as he rolled over to his sides so his right arm now supported his whole weight while his left hand caressed your cheek gently, a portion of his body hovering over you as he leans down to gently rub his nose with yours. “Sorry, I tend to… overthink sometimes.”
You bit down the giggle that almost slipped out from the eskimo kiss, your arms instead wrapping around his neck as you brought him closer. “That so? Mind if I know what it was about?” Your lips pecked his, and in just that split second, Tartaglia forgot what he was thinking of earlier.
God, he was drunk on love. And he wanted to bathe in it more, especially because it was you.
“Take a guess, I’d like to know too.” He teases, his pearly white teeth flashing as he coyly stares at you with a boyish grin. “I wonder what I was thinking about.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.
You giggle, pushing his hovering body off of you and instead topping him by placing your two hands on either side of his body. Tartaglia was taken off guard, eyes flitting towards yours in slight surprise since you didn’t usually attack him first. You leaned down, lips brushing against his before letting out a short giggle.
Ajax nearly feels his heart jump out of his chest at your teasing, his cheeks reddening at what you were trying to do. His heart pounded hard and he was sure if you listened closely, you would hear the rapid noises it was making. But he focused on you solely — noticing how close you were and how he could practically feel your breath fanning on his lips every time you parted just a bit of those lips.
You were constantly in his vicinity after every battle, always in his line of vision, always so close to him — so close that he loved getting all too many opportunities to hug you, to hold your hand, to touch you, to kiss you any time he wanted; he loves simply just being there with you.
Every moment, to him, mattered.
It was when the ginger-haired male had finally grabbed all courage inside his heart to bring a hand up to the back of your head and push you closer. His head raised up a bit to meet your lips in a gentle kiss; one that, although you didn’t see coming (you probably did), you returned with just as much gentleness. Your lips and his moved in synchrony but unfortunately you both had to pull away for breath.
“What’s up with you today?” You laugh softly as you pulled away. “You’re quite soft today, not that it’s a bad thing.” You mused, seeing your lover’s expression convert into slight embarrassment, his cheeks tinted red.
He clears his throat, flushed cheeks. “Ah… well…”
You giggle and roll off of him, back onto the grass that tickled your cheeks. The silence that ensued after wasn’t uncomfortable in the least bit. Any moment with you was shared special, no matter where there are interactions or not. He counted them all and described each one as heavenly.
“Hmm… this is… a little random but,” this time, Ajax turned his head to look at you in curiosity, “what is home to you?”
He’d known beforehand what you’d lived as before he’d crossed paths with you — you were a victim of domestic abuse, and he was very much aware how much torment and pain you’d went through before stumbling upon him in dirtied garments. He had the option to ignore you, but the fear in your eyes triggered something in him — reminding him of himself from when he’d fallen into the Abyss.
Tartaglia was slightly apathetic as you asked, but as soon as you did, two things appeared in his head. One of his family in Snezhnaya and you, his beloved. The male hums in ponder, eyes darting upward, squinting slightly as they were blinded by the literal sun.
“You are my home.”
“Huh?”
“I would’ve honestly answered my family but,” he turns to you, eyes as dead as ever as he confesses, “they are my heart instead.”
You frowned. “Technically, in this given scenario, aren’t they the same?”
“They’re different for me. I can live without a home, but a heart I know I can’t go forward without.” He spoke, an aching in your chest stinging as he finishes.
And it hit you just how cold the meaning of his words meant. It was simple and straightforward, there was nothing to not get. That if he had to choose between his family and you, he wasn’t going to hesitate dropping you onto a pot of boiling lava for his own blood-related loved ones.
“I-I see… I’m sorry… for asking.” You apologized meekly, shying away now that you realized your worth in comparison to his family paled by a stretch away. What hurt, really, was that he didn’t even think twice about his decision. You knew already that he would pick family over you, but it still hurt.
“But,” he pauses again and you perked up, eyes darting to him in nervousness, “without a home, I’m lost and alone.” Ajax turned to you, eyes softening a great amount as his thumb brushes over your cheek lovingly. “You are my home, (Y/n). You make me feel safe and protected—make me feel like I can be myself without a hindrance, make me feel comfortable. You…” He trails off, his forehead leaning on yours. “I love you. And that even if I can live without you, I wouldn’t.”
Your heart beat erratically, your nose turning red as you sniffled. “Oh…” You tear up, hiding your face in your hands as he continued to caress your skin in a graceful manner.
“I… love you too. You’re my home too, Ajax—and I… I’m so glad you’re here…” You stammered, choking on your sobs before wrapping your arms around him. Under the bask of sunrays and amber light, you two held each other in a moment of peace and serenity.
This was all what Ajax needed to keep himself sane.