Work Text:
Ever since Izuku could remember there have been 3 words that were tainted by adults. 3 words that used to mean pranks and child-like innocence. 3 words that now mean disgusting, dirty, gross. 3 words that are whispered to him every time the men come to visit. 3 words that he chose to listen to. 3 words that have a very different meaning for him than they do everyone else. You may be wondering what these words are. You may be wondering why he's telling you this. You may be wondering what could possibly be in the rest of this letter. Well I'll tell you. It's the story of a boy whose innocence was lost at the young age of 6 years old. It's the story of why you are now reading this letter. This is the story of those 3 words.
Shouta Aizawa walked his normal route home, unknowing of how much his life would change that day.
Izuku Midoriya limped out of the alleyway, a normal occurrence for him, unknowing of whose life he would forever change.
It was 6 years ago, Izuku Midoriya lost his child-like innocence. 3 years ago, a boy by the name Izuku Midoriya stopped wishing for a hero to come and save him. 3 years ago, that same boy became a vigilante who would come to be very well known in the underground by civilians, heroes, and police officers alike, as Lynx, Detective Tsukauchi and Eraserhead’s vigilante, for years to come. Even when he isn’t around anymore. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
Izuku swung his legs back and forth as he waited for the doctor to come back with his results. He was 5 years old and he still hadn’t shown signs of a quirk. Mama was worried for him, so she decided to take him to a quirk spe...spetial...specialist! a quirk specialist. He looked up at Mama, seeing a faraway look in her eyes. Her hands were doing that twisty thing she does when she gets nervous. She said it was to keep her grounded. It looked painful.
“Hello, sorry for the wait. We have his results, so if you would please look at the screen.” Mr. Doctor said, sitting down across from Mama.
“Yes of course.” Mama said, her eyes moving to the screen that Mr. Doctor said would have Izuku’s results.
“As you can see hereー” Mr. Doctor pointed to a toe. “ーhe has the second toe joint that is commonly found in the quirkless population. I’m afraid your son is quirkless.”
Mama’s hands stopped doing the twisty thing, and she turned to look at Izuku. The toddler could see something in his mama’s eyes that made his skin crawl and his arms itch. He didn’t like it. Izuku doesn’t know what happened next, but the next thing he knew, he was hiding in his closet with his hands over his ears as his mama and papa yelled at each other from the kitchen. He doesn’t remember leaving the doctor’s and coming home, and he’s not sure he wants to.
He’s not sure how long his parents yell at each other, but eventually he hears the slamming of the front door and his mama’s sobs from the kitchen. They sounded pained, but there was another emotion in them that Izuku couldn’t place.
“All ok. All ok.” He whispered to himself like a mantra, rocking back and forth. Everything was too much. The clothes rubbing against his arms and the clothes he was wearing were itchy. He hated it. This was his fault. Mama and Papa are mad at each other because he’s broken. It’s his fault he’s like this. It's his fault Papa’s mad. It’s his fault Mama’s hurting. It’s all his fault and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
~~~~~~
A year later he learned how he could help Mama. Papa hadn’t come home since that big fight, so it was just Izuku and Mama now. Izuku was walking down the street, looking for something to help Mama with. She hadn’t hugged or looked at him at all, so Izuku thought that if he was useful to Mama, she’d hug him again and look at him with eyes filled with warmth.
Passing by an alleyway, Izuku didn’t notice the man waiting, hidden in the shadows. He kept trying to think of things people would let him do for them so he could earn money. Nothing came to mind.
“I just wanna help Mama.” He sighed, scuffing his shoes on the ground.
“I can help you.” A voice, deep and raspy, said behind him. Izuku turned around to face the voice, hoping they weren’t lying like the last people. They always offered to help and when Izuku was finished helping them, they wouldn’t help like they promised. It hurts, but he understands that no one wants to give money to a quirkless child.
“How so mister?” Izuku asked, tilting his head.
“I’ll show you, but it’s got to be our little secret, or else I won’t be able to help you anymore.” The man put a finger in front of his mouth, signaling Izuku that he had to keep quiet. Izuku did the zipper motion over his mouth as his eyes sparkled excitedly.
Mister led Izuku into the alley and behind one of the dumpsters. Izuku wondered why they weren’t going somewhere else, but he decided not to ask.
“No making even a single peep.” The man warned, and Izuku nodded, tightly pressing his lips together. “Good boy.” The man ruffled Izuku’s hair and the 6 year old smiled up at him. He hasn’t had anyone willingly touch him in a long time. It felt nice.
~~~~~~
Izuku did not feel nice. In fact, he hurt. His wrists had purple marks on them and his bottom hurt as well. But it’s ok because Mister gave him money afterwards! He even promised to continue helping Izuku help Mama! So Izuku could overlook the pain. Izuku pulled up his pants, grabbing the money Mister left beside him, and, as quickly as he could, walked home. Mama would look at him and smile! She’d be so happy that Izuku was helping her out! But how would he explain where the money came from? He promised Mister not to tell anyone. He said he would help Izuku more if Izuku never spoke about it. Izuku hated the idea, but he knew he had to lie to Mama.
Opening the front door, Izuku called out to Mama. Like usual, he didn’t get a response, but that’s ok! Mama’s just tired. Izuku’s money will help Mama be less tired!
“Mama I helped.” Izuku said, showing the money to Mama. For the first time in the past year, Mama looked at Izuku and her eyes widened a lot.
“Izuku? Where’d you get this much money?” Mama asked, her tone flat.
“I helped someone and they gave it to me!” Izuku replied proudly. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, and that fact made Izuku’s skin itch.
“Alright. Thank you Izuku.” Mama said, taking the money without asking anymore questions. Izuku beamed up at Mama. Mama thanked him! Maybe next time Mama will pat his head like Mister did!
~~~~~~
The next time Izuku brought Mama money that he got from Mister, Mama didn’t pat his head. Mama just took the money from Izuku and thanked him. Maybe it wasn’t enough money to help Mama. Maybe he needed more! He should ask Mister if he knows anyone else Izuku can help! Mama looks less tired though so Izuku counts it as a win! When Mama’s all not tired then she’ll pat him on the head!
So Izuku helped Mister and Mister’s friends and brought home more money. And each time he would meet with Mister and Mister’s friends they would always whisper those 3 words that Mister said when he first met Izuku; “Our little secret”. Izuku never told anyone and Mama never questioned where the money came from. Not even Kaachan knew about Izuku earning money to help Mama! He doesn’t think Kaachan would care though if Izuku told him. Kaachan’s been a little mean since Izuku found out he was quirkless. But that’s ok because he’s helping Mama and nothing bad could happen!
~~~~~~
Izuku dropped his pencil as the teacher went over things that hit a little too close to home, during class. Mrs. Mizuno talked to the class about what to do if someone touched them like Mr. Ozaki (Mister’s name) and his friends have been doing to Izuku for the past 2 years. The knowledge that what they were doing was illegal made Izuku’s skin itch. It’s been 2 years since Izuku had met Mr. Ozaki and the man had told him to keep what they were doing a secret. Izuku had listened at the time because he never once thought what they were doing would make him a bad person. But now he knows. He knows he’s a bad person and they’ll lock him up in jail because of it. Izuku started scratching at his arms, feeling too overwhelmed with everything to register anything else but the itch itch itch of his skin. He moved on from scratching his arms to his legs when his wrists started stinging.
Katsuki watched as Deku scratched at himself. Deku had started acting weird when Mrs. Mizuno explained what to do if someone touches them inappropriately. That was when it all spiraled. Deku went from scratching his arms to scratching at his thighs when Deku’s arms began to bleed. Katsuki doesn’t know if Deku’s aware that his arms are bleeding, and he’s not sure the teacher, or anyone for that matter, would care if he tried telling them. Something’s wrong with Deku and Katsuki doesn’t know what to do. Maybe the old hag would help. Auntie Inko might help too if she learned, but then she might learn about Katsuki being mean to Deku. But the old hag could talk to Auntie Inko. Then Deku will be back to normal again. Useless, worthless Deku will stop whatever he’s doing and go back to the meek kid Katsuki makes fun of.
Izuku didn’t know what to do. Everything was too much, but if he stopped going to see Mr. Ozaki, then he wouldn't be able to help Mama. And if he wasn’t able to help Mama, then wouldn’t ever get those warm hugs again. He hopes and wishes for the day that Mama will turn to him and embrace him in her warm hugs again. He’s not sure how he ended up in one of the alleyways Mr. Ozaki and him frequently meet up, but he did, and now he’s waiting for the man who he does that illegal stuff with. Izuku can’t tell anyone. Then he’ll be looked at with disgust and locked up, and he can’t be locked up because he’s still helping Mama. Until Mama isn’t tired anymore, Izuku can’t stop doing what he’s doing, even if it hurts him physically and makes him lose hours at a time. The lost time isn’t important to him. It’s not like he really needs it anyway.
That night, maybe it was that night, he’s not sure, Izuku went home with a bruised neck and sore everything. Mr. Ozaki hadn’t shown and instead one of his friends had. The friends were worse, but they gave the best money. He opened the door to see Mama standing there, a strange look on her face. When she saw him, or rather the money in his hands, her face brightened before it fell when her eyes landed on his neck. He’s not sure what emotions passed on her face, but he knows none of them were concern. Pity? Maybe. But not concern.
“I got more money Mama.” Izuku said, ignoring the growing pit in his stomach.
“Thank you Izuku.” She said, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, forming on her lips.
“I’m gonna go to my room Mama.” Izuku said, trying not to sound too tired.
“Alright Izuku.” She said, gripping the money in her hands.
He didn’t even bother changing out of his uniform as he entered his room. Everything was fuzzy and his mind was staticy. The fabric of his uniform was itchy, but Izuku didn’t have the energy to take it off. His other clothes would be just as itchy, if not more. Izuku scratched at his arms as he laid down under his sheets. Everything was loud and too much and Izuku just wanted it all to stop. He wished he could just pause the world forever. Everything would be alright then. He wouldn’t have to help Mama, though it sounds selfish, and he wouldn’t have to be so overwhelmed and sensitive about every little thing.
Izuku curled up into the smallest ball he could, pulling at his hair. He’s not sure how long he stayed like that, but eventually he drifted off into a less overwhelming dream. Nothing mattered in his dreams. Nobody cared about quirks. Nobody cared about money. And people cared about Izuku. Izuku wasn’t useless in his dreams. He wasn’t a Deku and no one did things to him. It was everything he could ever want and more. But when he wakes up the next morning, he knows he isn’t allowed to even think about being cared about. He knows it’s wrong and selfish. He knows no one would ever look at him with warmth in their eyes.
~~~~~~
A year later, Izuku doesn’t see Mr. Ozaki to help his mom anymore, but instead to help himself stay somewhat fed. His mom, over the past year, had clearly shown her hatred and disgust for Izuku. He can’t even blame her really. He hates himself just as much, if not more than. Currently he was walking out of the alleyway Mr. Ozaki had asked to meet up in. He stopped wishing for someone to care about him that night one year ago. He didn’t think he deserved being saved at this point. He was just a burden, so if seeing Mr. Ozaki, Mr. Yoshimura, and Mr. Matsui, the former two being Mr. Ozaki’s friends, to lighten the burden of his life off of his mom’s shoulders, then he would.
His mind was going in and out of that fuzziness he learned was called dissociation, when he bumped into something, or rather, someone.
“Sorry sir.” He mumbled, bowing low, ignoring the pain that shot up through his leg at the motion. Mr. Ozaki was too rough this time, and Izuku had ended up spraining his ankle. It wasn’t too bad that he couldn’t just ice it and ignore the pain, but it still hurt.
“Are you ok?” The voice asked, after Izuku straightened himself and began walking, or rather limping, away. Izuku didn’t turn around when he answered.
“I’m alright sir. Sorry for bothering.” He continued walking home, not coming back to full coherency until his skin started burning from the hot water running down his chest. He sat down in the shower, pulling his knees to his chest, silent tears streaming down his face.
“I’m ok. Everything’s fine. The less of a burden I am, the better.” He whispered, over and over again. He stayed like that until his mom was pounding on the door, yelling at him to get out. Nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. He’s just a burden waiting to die.
Shouta Aizawa was worried, to say the least. The boy he had run into late that afternoon carried a concerning aura about them. The most noticeable thing, other than the limp the kid had, was the borderline dissociative look in the kid’s eyes. Sure as an underground hero Shouta had run into a lot of concerning things, but this was a child. A goddamn child. A goddamn child had apologized for being a bother and had written off their own injured foot. Something about the child was off and Shouta wanted to know what.
Izuku’s not sure how the idea got planted in his brain, but it did and here he was, in a library, 3 districts over, looking up the laws on vigilantism. He could see multiple loopholes in the laws that only focused on quirked individuals, so according to the law, Izuku was unable to be detained or arrested for anything. Even if he kills someone, which he would never even think of doing, he could just state the law surrounding murder and it being about “using a quirk to kill another” and get away scott free. It was the same thing with being a vigilante. Being a vigilante was “voluntarily carrying out the actions of Pro Heroes without a quirk license”. So therefore, as long as Izuku claimed self defense in the case of being captured, he couldn’t be arrested. Maybe if he’s lucky, he could be taken out while fighting a criminal! He wouldn’t have to worry about taking his own life and burdening his mom even more! Then she wouldn’t have to be known as the mother of a quirkless child and could restart her life and try for a non-defective child! Maybe her and dad could even get back together!
Vigilantism. Sounded like a plan!
~~~~~~
His first saved victim! He had done it! Worthless, quirkless, Deku had saved someone! Not that anyone knew it was Izuku under the mask and hoodie. He felt bad for lying to everyone about it, but it was a process to free them of his burdening life. If all went according to plan he wouldn’t have to worry about being alive for too much longer, but if he was, then he’d be patient. He’d wait for the right criminal to kill him. He’d become another statistic, but that’s fine. As long as no one was burdened with his existence anymore.
~~~~~~
Izuku doesn’t know why, but he’s still not dead. It’s been a year since he became a vigilante and not much has changed. He’s 10 now. He still sees Mr. Ozaki and Mr. Ozaki’s friends from time to time. He occasionally runs into a man in all black with a scarf looped around his neck after his time with Mr. Ozaki or one of Mr. Ozaki’s friends. He still goes to school and gets beat up and has quirks practiced on him. He still, sometimes, gives Inko some of the money the men give him after their...sessions. But other than that, it’s like the universe doesn’t want him to die. He gets injured while out patrolling, sure, but that’s about it. There’s never been anything too serious to warrant finding a nice alleyway to bleed out in. He’s become known as Lynx in the underground. He had said it as the first thing that came to mind when the fourth or so person that he saved had asked what to call him. He’s also seen the same tall, all black clothes, and white scarf guy around during his patrols. He had to wonder if the guy was an Underground Hero.
Tying up his last criminal for the night, Izuku brought out the burner phone he was able to buy with the money he…earned and sent a text to the detective.
Lynx 2:30 am:
I got another criminal for you [location]
Tsukidude 2:31 am:
Please can we talk? I just have some questions.
Izuku ignored the detective’s texts and started heading home by rooftops. It’s not like the man would care about him after he found out Izuku was quirkless. He’d write him off and forget Izuku ever existed. Everyone does eventually. And when Izuku’s finally able to die while fighting criminals, no one will cry for his death. No one will mourn him. No one will wish he was still alive. Because why would they? He’s useless, quirkless, he’s a Deku. And Dekus aren’t allowed to be happy.
Slipping in through his window, so as not to alert his mom, Izuku quickly took off all of his vigilante gear and exchanged his clothes for comfier ones. He went to bed ignorant of the fact that there were 2 people out there who would be devastated by his death, neither of which were Inko.
~~~~~~
It’s been six months. Six months and Izuku still hasn’t been able to die. He’s contemplating just ending it all himself, but he’s scared. Not of death, but of the pain that would bring himself in the process. Sure he had looked up easy ways to...you know, but none looked appealing enough to actually do. So here he was, fighting his 5th criminal of the night, hoping they’d be the one to finish what he’s been wanting to do for so long. Sadly that’s not what the universe had in mind.
Shouta landed on the taller of the 2 people in the alleyway. He knew who the smaller person was. Lynx. A vigilante whose case he’s been on for the past six months. He’s only ever caught short glimpses of the vigilante in that time, so seeing Lynx now, fighting a guy who’s three times his size, worries Shouta. Lynx looks to be about 8 or 9 years old and he’s really really short. Like 4-foot-nothing, short. Tsukauchi was worried for the kid and had somehow roped Shouta into being worried for the vigilante as well.
The vigilante huffed at Shouta as the hero was tying up the criminal and shooting a text off to Tsukauchi.
“No thank you?” Shouta tried to joke. The kid huffed again.
“I coulda taken him down.” Lynx finally said after a while.
“He was three times your size. He could have killed you.” Shouta said.
“Ok and?” Lynx retorted.
“You could have died!” Shouta tried getting his point across.
“So what.” Lynx said, shrugging his shoulders.
“I’m going to have to take you in, Lynx.” Shouta said, preparing to wrap the vigilante in his capture weapon.
“You can’t leave a criminal unattended though!” Lynx called sprinting away and around the corner of the building at the mouth of the alley.
“Goddamnit.” Shouta cursed under his breath.
Izuku didn’t allow himself to stop running until he reached his apartment building. He slipped into his room through his cracked open window and promptly slumped to the floor. Bringing his knees up to his chest, Izuku started tapping out a breathing pattern on his knees, trying to keep himself from going into a full blown panic attack.
Oh god. I just talked back to an adult. He’s going to hate me now. He’s going to hate me and never want to talk to me again. He’s going to leave me. Oh god oh god ohgodohgodー
“Breathe Izuku. He doesn’t know you. He won’t get to know you because you’ll be dead soon. He’ll forget about the vigilante he ran into that one time. You’re not worth getting worried over.” He whispered to himself.
He doesn’t even know you’re quirkless. You’re a liar. You’re a selfish liar.
“No. No, I'm not a liar. They never asked.” Izuku tried pleading with his thoughts.
Detective Tsukauchi did ask. You ignored him though didn’t you? Oh so now that you’re a vigilante you think you have the right to ignore people when they ask you things? Is that it?
“No. No, that’s not it. I got nervous.”
So now you’re a coward? A lying, quirkless, coward!
“No. Nonononononononono.” Izuku muttered, starting to pull at his hair. He didn’t like this. He wanted everything to just stop. The thoughts. The itchiness of his skin. The scratchiness of his clothes. The pains of his burns given to him by Kaachan. It was all too much. He continued rocking back and forth, pulling at his hair until eventually he was watching himself. His mind felt heavy and full of static, but he didn’t have to deal with anything at the moment so he let himself go. He let himself drift and watched as his hands went from pulling at his hair to aggressively scratching his wrists. And then he blacked out.
He doesn’t know how long he was out for, but it was enough for his burner phone to be going off with over 50 combined missed messages from the detective and an unknown number and at least 15 combined missed calls from those same two numbers. Izuku wanted to feel guilty, really he did! But his mind was still heavy and his back hurt from laying on the floor for however long he was, so he didn’t have the energy to feel guilty for wasting the detective’s and the unknown number’s time.
Tsukidude 3 days ago 3:10 am
Lynx? You ok kid?
Tsukidude 3 days ago 3:15 am
Come on kid, this isn’t funny
Tsukidude 3 days ago 3:20 am
Kid seriously, I’m getting really worried here.
Tsukidude 3 days ago 3:25 am
Come on kid, please answer
Unknown 2 days ago 4:15 pm
Detective Tsukauchi’s really worried about you kid
Unknown 2 days ago 5:55 pm
Kid answer the phone please.
Tsukauchi’s going to run himself dry if you don’t
Tsukidude 2 days ago 12:00 am
I’m going to have to start…
Izuku couldn’t look at the rest of the messages or listen to the voicemails. They don’t even know him. Why are they so worried?
Because they think you have a useful quirk. They don’t know you’re quirkless.
“You’re right. I should...I should tell them not to worry. I shouldn’t be wasting their time.” Izuku mutters to himself, gripping his hair in a death grip and pulling. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone leaves eventually so why not speed up the process?”
Izuku shakily grabbed his burner phone and turned it on.
Lynx 00:30 am
Sorry if i worried you
You don’t have to worry about me
Tsukidude 00:30 am
No I don’t but I will
Lynx is typing…
Tsukidude 00:45 am
Lynx?
Lynx you’ve been typing for 15 minutes
Are you ok kid?
Lynx 00:48 am
Sorry.
Tsukidude 00:48 am
Lynx?
Lynx, why are you apologizing?
Lynx answer me please.
Lynx…
Izuku tossed his phone away from him, not wanting to see whatever disappointed text the detective would send him next for not replying. He has to go see Mr. Ozaki. Izuku hopes he’s not too mad. He’ll explain his reasoning to Mr. Ozaki, and he’ll understand. Mr. Ozaki’ll understand, and give him headpats. Then Izuku will just have to...help and he’ll get some extra cash. He could give it to Ms. Shiraki who’s a month pregnant, from what she told Izuku.
Izuku packed a bag for his vigilante clothes and the extra cash he still hasn’t used over the year, so he could change after he met with Mr. Ozaki and take it to the people who actually needed it. Slipping out his window, and quietly closing it behind him.
~~~~~~
Izuku quickly slipped on his Lynx outfit, stuffing his civilian clothes in their place, when Mr. Ozaki had turned the corner and slipped the cash left beside him into his backpack.
“Gotta get this to Ms. Shiraki.” He whispered to himself as he pulled himself up and taking the back alleys to get to where Ms. Shiraki usually stayed.
Knocking on the alley wall softly, Izuku stepped into what little light the street lamps gave off.
“Ms. Shiraki? It’s Lynx.” Izuku whispered into the alley.
“Lynx! Come here, sweet child.” Ms. Shiraki said, beckoning Izuku further into the alley. Izuku stepped further in until he could see Ms. Shiraki clearly. She was only 25 years old, but she was already pregnant and living on the streets. Izuku wanted to help her in any way he could, so he pulled his bag to the front of him and rifled through the contents until he found the wad of cash he was planning on giving her.
“I have something for you. It should help you when baby Ken or Ayame arrives, and it should help you last until then as well.” Izuku said, pushing the cash towards Ms. Shiraki.
“No, Lynx. Where’d you get this kind of money anyways? There’s got to be at least half a million yen in here.” Ms. Shiraki refused, trying to give Izuku the money back.
“Please take it. I don’t need it. It’s just some of the savings I’ve got over the year.” Izuku said, gently pushing her hands back towards her chest.
“Where would a child like you get this much money. Are you being threatened? Tell me, Lynx, are you safe?” Ms. Shiraki asked.
“I’m safe Ms. Shiraki. This is just from helping a few people out.” Izuku said, going to stand up and positioning the strap of his bag over his shoulder.
“Helping them with what exactly? Lynx, tell me you aren’t…” She trailed off, but Izuku got the hidden question.
“I hope that helps!” He called off in lieu of an answer as he raced out of the alley.
~~~~~~
For the next six months, Izuku kept bringing little wads of money to those who needed it. Mainly Ms. Shiraki and a few others, but whoever he saw needed it the most, he offered it to. Mr. Ozaki and his friends had started giving Izuku more money, to the point where he felt like he had too much. It was too much money for a worthless, quirkless, Deku like him to have, so he gave it to those who deserved it. He stopped interacting with detective Tsukauchi and Eraserhead (who he’s come to know as the unknown number) outside of giving a criminal’s location. He ran from scenes when he knew Eraserhead was handling it. And he kept quiet about what happened in the alleys each time he happened to run into the hero after his sessions.
But everything was taking too long. He still hadn’t experienced any fatal wounds so he could peacefully bleed out in an alley, and for some reason he doesn’t think being a vigilante is what’s going to kill him.
But he wouldn’t try killing himself just yet. He’s waited this long, he can wait a while longer. Maybe he should stay in the house for a few weeks. Not go out as Lynx and just hope something in his everyday life would do the job for him.
So he stopped patrolling for a few weeks, only occasionally slipping out to still give money to those who needed it more than him, and he ignored the oddly frantic and concerned texts from both Eraserhead and Detective Tsukauchi. The nights he went out to give Ms. Shiraki and the others money, he would see more underground heroes patrolling areas they normally didn’t. He found it odd, but wrote it off. When he visited Ms. Shiraki, she let him stay and just relax for a while, even after she knew he was quirkless! He really appreciated how kind Ms. Shiraki, Tsukiko as she said he could call her, was to him. In return, he told her his name and when tears started to form in her eyes, he worried he said something to upset her.
“No, baby, you didn’t upset me. I’m just happy you trusted me enough with your name.” She said as she wiped tears off her face.
“You told me yours…” He said quietly, almost a barely audible whisper. She still heard it anyway.
“Because you’re the sweetest boy I know, and I hope you grow up to be a strong young man.” She said, smiling at him.
“What do you think Ken’s quirk is going to be?” He said, in hopes of changing the topic. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he was suicidal and planning on dying. She took the abrupt topic change in stride though.
“I’m not sure. His father had a minor mutation quirk where he could turn parts of his body into different feline animals. I on the other hand only have a weak empath quirk.” Tsukiko-san said, twisting her fingers in the way Izuku’s mom used to do. Or probably still does, but he’s not sure.
“Maybe it’ll be like a mix of your guy’s quirks! Or it could be a stronger mutation of your or the father’s quirk.” Izuku said, excitement clear in his voice. “If it’s a mix, would he be able to see people’s emotions as animals? Or would he be able to turn into an animal that would help with someone’s emotions? Maybe he’d get a stronger empath quirk and would be able to actually see emotions as a manifestation of some kind instead of just feeling them. What if he’s able to fully shapeshift into any feline animal? Maybe he’d be able to see emotions when he’s anー”
He cut himself off, realizing he was rambling and that Tsukiko-san probably doesn’t want to hear his stalker talk.
“Why’d you stop? I quite enjoyed listening to your theories.” She asked, concern etching itself onto her face. But maybe it was a trick of the light.
“I’m sorry. I know my ramblings can be creepy.” He said, drawing his knees to his chest.
“Not at all Baby. They were quite insightful. And yeah, maybe to someone who can’t keep up, it would be seen as creepy, but it’s ok. Not everyone’s brain works the same.” Tsukiko-san said, slowly reaching a hand out to grip Izuku’s knee. “Keep going Izuku. I want to hear more.”
And so Izuku did.
And each time he came back he would ramble freely about anything and everything, making sure to keep personal details out of his ramblings.
He was excited about the nights that he would go to Tsukiko-san. He felt happy. Until he wasn’t.
A week after he had given Tsukiko-san his name, and still hadn’t gone on patrol (though he felt guilty about it), he walked to the abandoned building she had found after a while (“I don’t want my baby to be born in an alley. An abandoned building isn’t the best, but it’s better.” “Just be safe.”), making a mental list of all he could talk about with her. That’s when he smelled the foul stench in the alleyway next to the abandoned building. Worried that Tsukiko-san had been smelling that all week, he walked into the alley just to find Tsukiko’s dead body next to a dumpster. There was blood everywhere and her stomach wasn’t bulging out anymore, meaning someone had either cut into her or she had given birth prematurely after she died. Izuku had read somewhere that it sometimes happens when a pregnant woman dies, but he never thought it was true.
Oh god, I think I’m going to throw up. Izuku turns away from the body, tears spilling out from his eyes. The only person, other than his classmates and mother, who knew about his quirklessness and was nice to him was gone. She was gone and Izuku didn’t know what to do. He leaned against the alley wall and cried. Why did the universe hate him so much to take away the only person who didn’t care about his condition?
Gathering himself, Izuku tried to figure out what to do with her body. He couldn’t bury it, because he’s not strong enough to drag her body to the park that’s a few blocks down. He couldn’t just throw it in the dumpster, because that wouldn’t be fair to the kind woman who took all of Izuku in and showed him kindness. Pushing his palms into his eyes, Izuku took a deep breath before walking over to Tsukiko-san’s body. Swallowing the bile rising in his throat as he took in her cold, lifeless eyes and body, Izuku crouched down next to her head and closed her eyes.
Maybe I could text Eraserhead or the detective. I have my bag of vigilante clothes with me. And plus it doesn’t look like Tsukiko-san killed herself. Yeah, ok. Get yourself together Izuku. They’re going to be mad at you, but it’s fine, you’ve handled worse from adults.
His mind wandered as he slipped on his vigilante hoodie and mask and got out his burner phone to text the two men.
Lynx 00:30 am
Dead body. Her name is Tsukiko Shiraki. Doesn’t look like a suicide, signs of struggle on her body. Was 7 months pregnant, either someone removed the baby inside of her or she gave birth prematurely. No sign of an infant body so I assume the former. [location] Read 00:30 am by 2
Tsukidude 00:31 am
Eraserhead and I are on our way. Where have you been for the past 3 weeks, kid? Read 00:31 am by 1
Izuku ignored the other texts as he sat, back pressed up against the alley wall as he stared at Tsukiko-san’s body. He’d stay here until the men arrive then he would give them some semblance of a statement and leave. He didn’t feel like being here anymore. He just wanted to go back to his room, curl up on his bed, and fall asleep forever.
Lynx had found a body. The vigilante Shouta has a feeling is suicidal, has found a dead body . He had told Tsukauchi that he suspects Lynx is suicidal and when they put together how the kid has denied help for injuries that should be really painful and just help altogether, they hated themselves for not seeing it sooner. And when Lynx had supposedly dropped off the face of the Earth for 3 weeks, Shouta and Tsukauchi had thought the worst case scenario had happened. So what did they do? Send out heroes to keep an eye out for the kid. None of them had seen the kid throughout the 3 weeks. They were about to give up and file him as ‘Deceased’ in his file, but then the kid had texted the group chat he had made when he learned he had Shouta’s number.
“Lynx?” Shouta called out, landing at the opening of the alley.
“Here.” A quiet voice said. A voice that sounded too broken and worn down to belong to a kid.
“Tsukauchi will be here in a minute.” Shouta said, stepping forward to get a look of the body, not mentioning the curled up, protective form of the kid.
The kid hummed in response, his eyes not moving from who Shouta assumed to be, Shiraki Tsukiko.
The sound of a car pulling up to the opening of the alley way, alerted Shouta that Tsukauchi had arrived. The hero walked over to the detective and gave as much of a rundown as he could.
“Kid is in shock, most likely. Should probably be given a psych-eval after giving his statement. I assume the body is the Shiraki Tsukiko he mentioned in the text. She does show signs of a struggle and what’s worse is it looks like someone cut into her abdomen to get to her womb. Not a pretty sight, so caution going forward.” Shouta said as quietly as he could. Tsukauchi nodded at him and walked forward.
“Lynx?” Tsukauchi asked. The kid finally tore his eyes away from the body to look at Tsukauchi. “Hey, I have some paramedics and police officers on their way to better assess the place, so I’ll need you to wait with us here.”
“Not leaving her.” The kid said, looking back at the body.
Shouta could tell Tsukauchi didn’t know what to say to that, and truthfully, neither did the hero. The vigilante obviously knew the woman personally, so finding her body must be hard on him. Kami, Shouta just wanted to take the kid home, wrap him in as many blankets as he could and plop his cats Thumper and Toothless on the kid’s lap. (Fine, yes he is soft for the kid, Hizashi .)
Izuku wondered if he died would he go to heaven and be able to meet with Tsukiko-san again. Or would they reject someone like him? He was curious to find out, but he was scared. What if he was rejected and even in death he never got to see Tsukiko-san again. Maybe he could beg and plead to let him see her, even if just for a moment.
Not ideal, but good enough. The problem is, how would he go about it? How would he go about dying? He’s thought about it alot in the last few weeks - more than he already has - and he’s only ever come up with jumping off a roof or dying to a criminal (“Because only people who do awful things for their own enjoyment are villains.”). There were other ways he thought about, obviously, but when he tried even a scaled down version of them, it still made him scared. Not of death, but of ‘ who’s going to have to find my body when I’m dead? I don’t want anyone to have to witness my giving up.’
He didn’t even notice he was sitting on the back of an ambulance until someone shone a light in his eyes. He blinked repetitively, trying to get the light away from him, and grumbled out something inaudible even to his ears.
He doesn’t hear what they say after that, and he doesn’t register answering questions asked by the detective. Only when the questions become more direct and personal and come from a paramedic, does Izuku realize he had been talking. The moment he realizes how personal the questions are getting, he clams up. He doesn’t need to bother these people with his problems. They have better things to do.
“I’m sorry. Thank you though, but I should get going. Bye.” He says all in one breath, and proceeds to try to stand up before a rough, calloused, yet soft, hand rests on his shoulder and pushes him to sit back down.
“Sit and rest Problem Child. You’ve just been through something traumatic.” Eraserhead says from in front of him. The man is blocking the paramedic’s view of Izuku, for which the 11 year old is grateful.
“I’m fine.” Izuku says, sounding forced and fake even to his ears.
“Sure you are.” Eraserhead says.
“Really.” Izuku insists, trying to stand up. Eraserhead let’s him, and Izuku walks back into the alley to look for Tsukiko-san’s body. It’s still there, untouched by the officers looking around the alley. The hero doesn’t follow him, so Izuku crouches down next to Tsukiko-san and runs a hand through her blood soaked and matted hair.
“I’ll see you soon.” He whispers only loud enough for him to hear, then stands back up, turns towards the hero and detective watching him quizzically, and he books it the other direction. He hears Eraserhead’s panicked (Why is he panicked?) call for him and a second set of pounding feet behind him.
Izuku dodges all the tries of Eraserhead trying to capture him in his scarf weapon thing, and weaves his way through alleys and up and over walls. He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but eventually he loses Eraserhead and promptly realizes he left his bag back at the alley. At least he has his burner phone on him.
(Back at the alley, Tsukauchi looks through Izuku’s bag, hoping to find something he could identify the kid with and only finds wads of cash, most likely in the high thousands, nearing millions. He shows it to Aizawa the moment the hero returns empty handed and they both get a sinking feeling in their gut that there’s more to their vigilante than the kid let’s on.)
~~~~~~
A month after Tsukiko-san died, Izuku is 11 years old and has everything planned and ready for his death later that night. He tried living longer, but without his visits to Tsukiko-san, he couldn’t find living all that much worth it. At least no more than he already found it before Tsukiko-san.
He sends off a text to Tsukauchi and Eraserhead, letting them know the information they wanted, before he takes off his shoes and sets them next to his letters and near the edge of the building.
Lynx 4:15 am
Hey. I’m sorry.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
Please don’t look for me. Read 4:15 am by 2
Tsukidude 4:16 am
Lynx?
Kid. Come on. Answer please. Read 4:16 am by 1
Eraser 4:16 am
Tsukauchi trace his phone Read 4:17 am by 1
Tsukidude 4:17 am
I’ve got Sansa on it. He’ll send a location when he gets it Read 4:17 am by 1
Izuku ignored the buzzing of his phone as he stood on the edge of the building. Taking that one last, freeing step, Izuku fell off the edge, 100% prepared to hit the ground and die on impact. He had done his research and the building he just jumped from was high enough that it would kill him instantly and also in a part of the city where no one would really see him. Turning around so he could look at the stars as he fell, Izuku felt a sense of calm wash over him. He blacked out before he hit the ground.
Shouta finally got to the roof of the building Tsukauchi had said the text was sent from. He wanted to collapse on his knees right there at being too late when he didn’t see Lynx on the roof, but he pushed forward and walked towards the neatly placed shoes and what looked to be letters.
He opened the one with his and Tsukauchi’s name on it and read the paper.
Hey. Sorry. Kami ok. Um I guess since you’re reading this, then I died. I’m ok. You don’t have to be sad over my death, though I doubt you guys will be. This contains information you guys have been asking for. I’m sure you also saw the other envelope letters or whatever. You can read them if you want, I won’t care, just can you make sure you get them to the people that they’re I guess assigned to. There’s one more that doesn’t really have a name on it. It’s just the story of what led up to this. Anyways, my name is Izuku Midoriya, more commonly referred to as Deku. I went to Aldera Middle School until I dropped out. Is it dropping out if I just stop going without notifying the school? I don’t know. Not like they’d tell my mom anyway. Ya’know since I’m quirkless.
Shouta was not expecting that. He kept reading nonetheless.
Yeah, um you can stop caring now I guess. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’m 11 years old as of last month. I was born July 15 2xxx. I’m sorry, you probably don’t care. I’ll stop now. You can forget about me. I’m not worth remembering anyways.
“Oh kid.” Shouta said, thinking of all the ways he could have saved Midoriya if only he knew.
Shouta brought the letters, shoes, and burner phone down from the roof and met with Tsukauchi at the bottom of the building. Midoriya’s, and isn’t that weird to call the kid that, body was splayed out in the alley way, a peaceful smile on his face. Shouta handed the letters to Tsukauchi and let the man read the one Shouta just had.
“Kami, the kid was so young. I thought he was at least 15.” Tsukauchi said, a death grip wrinkled the papers, almost ripping them. “I’m going to look at the rest of the letters when I get back to the station. Make sure there’s other information to be found. Most likely open some cases for him.”
“I’ll help.” Shouta said, unable to look away as the kid’s body was taken away by paramedics and announced DOA. He’s pretty sure no one the kid had helped would be forgetting the vigilante Lynx anytime soon.
Izuku awoke on warm sand, footsteps walking towards him. He turned to look in the direction of the footsteps and almost cried when he saw Tsukiko-san.
“Oh sweet child.” Tsukiko-san whispered sadly.
“I’m sorry.” He whimpered, tears flowing down his cheeks.
“No, Baby, I’m sorry. I left you alone when you most needed me.” She replied, kneeling down to wipe away his tears.
“You didn’t mean to. It wasn’t your fault.” Izuku argued, trying to see her past his tears.
“You’ll be missed by a lot of people.” She whispered, pulling him into a hug.
Izuku wanted to refute her, but instead he just cried into her shoulder, accepting the warmth of the first hug he had ever received in years.
“I’m sorry.” He said again as they continued to hug.
(A school was charged with quirk discrimination and a mother was charged with child neglect and child abuse. The parents of the main tormentor cried for the young boy lost, and the tormentor, one Katsuki Bakugou, began to rethink his life choices and world view. 4 men by the names of Takeshi Ozaki, Nonaka Yoshio, Masa Yuu, and Kanda Iwao were charged with rape and sexual assault.
The name Lynx was passed on by those who were helped and saved by the vigilante. Shouta used Lynx as an example of traits a real hero should have until he retired. He may not be alive, but his legacy lives on.)