Chapter Text
Chapter 1
I Can Look After You
It was early morning in the Meadows, and Marissa knocked twice on the door before she opened it. She found Hanna sitting on the bed, back against the wall, knees drawn up to her chest with her arms around them. The girl was staring into nothingness, unblinking, without acknowledging her presence. Gently, Marissa closed the door behind herself and slowly approached her.
"Hanna?"
No reaction, and that alarmed her. She should not be able to sneak up on Hanna like this. As careful as she could manage she sat down on the bed, looking the girl over. The fatigue was obvious. In a way, she looked like she was sleeping with her eyes open. Her breathing was steady and deep.
"Hanna?"
She said her name in a whisper this time. She knew she was taking a great risk being this close to the girl. Hanna could come out of her daze and attack her on reflex, killing her even.
Marissa looked around the room. They had been back at the Meadows a full week now and Hanna had shredded the lies on the walls and shelves as soon as they had arrived. While the teen was willing to play along in the long con, there were aspects she just wouldn't let go of. One of those things was her name, and she insisted both Marissa and John Charmichael use it when no one else was around. She'd even refused to answer the self righteous man when he hadn't. Not surprisingly, Charmichael had thrown a fit, and insisted Marissa talk some sense into her, something she had refused to do. Although, she had to reluctantly admit that the man had a point. At least Marissa had been able to cover for the destruction to the dorm room since having taken over the late Leo Garner's job.
She had gone over the details of her plan with Hanna many times, and she knew the girl would play along. Hanna was good at pretending. She had a natural affinity for it. The problem was living from day to day in the grander lie that was the Meadows. That, and Hanna missed Clara.
Clara who had been the reason for Hanna to come here in the first place. Clara who had been the main reason for her staying, and for Marissa failing to get Hanna out. Now she was gone and Marissa wished her well. It also meant she herself was the only one Hanna really had left, and they still had parts to play. All resilience aside, Hanna was not faring well being back, and her methods of coping clearly weren't working.
"Hanna."
The teen blinked and the fog lifted from her eyes as she turned her tired gaze to Marissa. It never ceased to amaze Marissa, the myriad of emotions visible in those blue eyes, sometimes too old and sometimes too young for her age.
"Hi. How are you? You didn’t hear me come in?"
Hanna took a deep breath and her eyes never left Marissa's. "I was… Just resting."
"That’s easier to do laying down."
"I wanted to rest, not sleep."
"Ok. You look like you need it though."
Hanna didn’t give an answer. Instead, she just took another deep breath, but this time she turned her eyes away from Marissa.
"Why don’t you want to sleep?"
The girl shook her head slowly, before resting it in her hand, closing her eyes. Marissa placed a comforting hand on her back. "Hey, it’s ok. Talk to me."
"I…"
Marissa had learned when and when not to push the girl, and so she waited. She watched Hanna swallow and squeeze her eyes shut. An instinct that still surprised her had her rub comforting circles on the girl’s back.
Hanna exhaled deeply before answering. "I… I don’t want to dream."
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, and the truth was it didn’t. Marissa knew trauma, she knew PTSD and she wondered not for the first time how resilient Hanna’s psyche really was, now that everything was piling up. Charmichael had almost succeeded in ‘turning’ her, but only because he had an operative who understood emotions better than he himself did. She stayed quiet, waiting for Hanna to continue.
"I dream and I see things… And when I wake up it takes too long to remember where I am. Why I’m here. In here."
Now it was Marissa’s turn to take a deep breath. She got closer to the girl. "When was the last time you slept?"
Again, Hanna shook her head, but more so this time. "I’m just so tired. I just want to rest. It’s too quiet here."
She shouldn’t do it. Marissa knew she shouldn’t, but she wanted to anyway. Hanna looked up with those tired eyes fixed on her, unshed tears visible and Marissa decided “fuck it”.
"Come. Get up."
"Why?"
"Trust me."
Hanna nodded and got off the bed and then scrunched her face up in surprise as Marissa pulled the pillow and covers from it and bunched them up under her arm.
"Follow me."
Seemingly too tired to argue, the girl followed Marissa out of the room, down the stairs and out of the building in an odd sense of déjà vu. It was early morning so everyone else was at breakfast, getting ready for class. Only the guards were outside, and in one week they had learnt better than to challenge her.
The story both Marissa and Charmichael had served them about Hanna and Marissa being agents infiltrating the other side and having found Leo Garner to be the double agent had been most efficient. So far, the only one not seeming to believe it was Terri Miller, and Marissa had hopes for her.
She gave the guards a pointed look as they walked past the premises and onto forbidden grounds. They walked deeper into the forest just outside the fence, where Marissa stopped and placed the covers on the ground under the shade of a large tree.
"Lay down."
Hanna looked at her confused.
"You can’t go on like this. Lay down. Sleep."
The girl looked around herself as if searching for the guards.
"They’re not gonna bother you. You can rest here."
Hanna still didn't move.
"I won’t let them bother you. I’ll stay with you. Make sure they leave you alone. Now rest."
Finally, Hanna moved to lay down. Marissa sat down beside her, resting against the large tree. The girl laid on her back staring up into the clear blue sky for a while and smiled, before turning on her side facing her, and closed her eyes.
"You shouldn’t stay so close to me while I’m sleeping."
"I’ll take my chances."
"I don’t want to hurt you."
Marissa smiled and regarded everything wrong with that statement for a few seconds before answering. "Then don’t. Just rest. Sleep. I’m not going anywhere."
Hanna looked up at her for a few long seconds with unbelievable innocent eyes before closing them once more, completely relaxed with the change of environment. A few minutes later the girl was fast asleep and Marissa closed her own eyes and just listened for anyone approaching.
A shift and a nudge had her look down, and once more she had to swallow the foreign emotions taking her over as she observed the sleeping girl who had just moved closer.
I can look after you.