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No one saw it coming: Villain Ground Zero retiring from destructive explosions at the drop of a hat, bodily shoving a reporter out of view from the camera screen and yanking the mic from the reporter’s hand to announce, “Congratulations, shitty extras, you all get to live another day. I’m fucking retiring from this bullshit, kiss my fucking ass goodbye.”
Ground Zero drops the mic, smirks into the camera one last time, and explodes off into the sky.
Next day headlines read: “Hero Deku off the romance market, announces quiet marriage to civilian childhood friend” and “Ground Zero retires from villany after blowing up preschool discovered as secret child trafficking headquarters, massive destruction, but no fatal injuries” and honestly, can anyone blame the public for gossiping about the headlines for weeks? Talk about an unexpected smack to the face, as the public mourn over the loss of Deku’s single-ness and confusedly cheer over the defeat (????) of evil.
-
Izuku wakes up to an empty bed, but he’s not worried because he can hear his husband cursing at the janky quality of novelty All Might knives that are way more expensive than they’re worth. He rolls onto his back and raises his left hand up to smile happily at the glint of gold on his ring finger that shines in the sunlight. He eventually gets out of bed and peeks into the kitchen where he can watch Katsuki cutting little apple bunnies to go with an absolutely heavenly katsudon bowl for Izuku to eat for lunch later.
“You’re not subtle, shit nerd,” Katsuki says, not even bothering to look up from where he’s taking a photo of the day’s masterpiece before carefully wrapping the bento in a cute patterned cloth.
“Kacchan, it smells so good! Can I eat the bento for breakfast instead?” Katsuki glares at his husband and snarls at Izuku to sit down and eat the healthy breakfast he made.
“It’s too early for fatty foods like deep fried pork; I used fucking high quality dashi in that chawanmushi so you better eat everything before you go to work.” Katsuki crosses his arms threateningly over his chest, biceps bulging menacingly-- sinister effect dampened by the cute ‘Kiss The Chef’ apron Izuku bought when they first moved in together.
Izuku pouts, but Katsuki just turns around and starts cleaning dishes and cutting boards before he can be swayed. He never imagined that life could be like this-- domestically fluffy and happy.
Katsuki had been entirely too convinced he would become a pro hero when he was a child, and for a short period of time, he even went to UA. He just wanted to do it his own way, and apparently to be a recognized hero, there were rules and regulations and a shitty amount of politics--that were in some ways, even dirtier than villain scum. Katsuki decided that being a pro hero was not all it was cracked up to be, and made the hard decision to walk away from everything to become a hero on his own terms. Blowing shit up and destroying villains ended up giving Katsuki a worse reputation without a platform to explain why he was beating people up and demolishing buildings. The media skewed all his achievements as a slander campaign because he wasn’t doing everything ‘properly’ through an agency and he most definitely was not insured for all the damages he caused.
His show-stopping explosive powers caught the attention of certain villains, but ‘Ground Zero’ works with no one and he most definitely does not work for anyone other than himself. Katsuki would even call himself nearly unbeatable because he aimed to be the fucking best. Then three years ago, Izuku stumbled upon a nearly delirious Katsuki, barely having escaped from the clutches of the League of Villains despite being a villain himself because he was being a cocky shit and truly believed he could take all of them at once if he wanted to.
Katsuki had bullied the shit out of Izuku and even threw an embarrassing temper tantrum after finding out his childhood ‘supposedly quirkless’ friend got accepted into UA and graduated while Katsuki was a fucking dropout. Izuku, who turned out to be All Might’s successor and beloved by all his peers, had no reason to show mercy to any villain he could easily overpower in a weakened state.
“If I have to die by the hands of someone, at least it’s you, shitty Deku,” Katsuki said, with false bravado. For some reason, of all things, that seemed to only anger the normally placid Izuku.
“Kacchan, I would never let you die,” Izuku said with conviction. Katsuki wanted to say that he had no reason to believe Izuku, but even if he didn’t, he could just tell by looking at Izuku’s stupidly green eyes that he was telling the truth. Since Katsuki was a wanted man, Izuku took him to his apartment and attempted to nurse Katsuki back to health. ‘Attempted’ being the key word to the disaster fuck that is Izuku’s complete lack of awareness for how to take care of anyone-- including himself.
“How do you not even have a basic first-aid kit, you shitty Deku? Aren’t you a fucking pro hero?”
“Sorry Kacchan, normally Recovery Girl takes care of the worst of it, so I never really thought about having one at home,” Izuku says, flustered. Katsuki grunts in pain, but at least there is hand soap and running water to clean his wounds.
“I’ll make some food in the meanwhile then!” Izuku scurries out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge for anything edible. Katsuki eats bloated to hell instant ramen for the first time in a long time, garnished with leftover cabbage and pickled vegetables from the bottom of a leftover takeout container. It’s gross and disgusting, but with the way Izuku looks so proud of himself, Katsuki forces himself to finish the bowl of ‘food’ with minimal complaint.
“I’m not going to be indebted to you, so I’m going to pay you back for this twofold. You hear me?” Katsuki’s ears burn with the subtle admittance that he had to be saved.
“I’m just glad to have you back in my life again, that’s all I need,” Izuku says, all sincere and shit, warming up Katsuki’s heart and setting him aflame. Sitting on the floor in front of Izuku’s small coffee table, Katsuki decides then and there that there are other ways of being a hero, and taking care of the up and coming rising hero star is one of them--even if he has to do it for life.
-
Katsuki dries the glassware before they have the audacity to form hard water stains, neatly stacking them back inside the cupboards. Izuku plants a sweet kiss to Katsuki’s cheek before he rushes out the door to respond to an emergency call. Katsuki leans on the kitchen counter, preoccupied choosing between filters for his instagram picture and whether or not he should add a badass frame or if that’s too 2015 of him. He captions his new post ‘Katsudon for the nerd, like always. #homemade #cooking #instafood #myhusbandisbetterthanyours #domesticlife #food #bento #lunchboxideas’ and turns off notifications because random extras always think they can ask Katsuki for his secret recipes and tips and tricks when it’s all practiced skill and hard work.
Comments flood in from his 22k followers:
‘first!’
‘that looks soo good <33’
‘be my wifeyyy’
‘didn’t you post katsudon two days ago?’
Katsuki replies, ‘i’ll cook katsudon as much as my HUSBAND wants, fuck you’ and that’s the end of that.
Finally looking up from the mindless distractions on his phone, Katsuki notices his carefully curated lunchbox sitting on the side table by the shoe rack. “Shitty Deku forgot his fucking lunch again!” Sparks pop off Katsuki’s palms from his annoyance, but it’s fine because he can stop by Izuku’s hero agency on his way to the recreational center where he’s supposed to teach Auntie Inko and her friends how to make eggs benedict.
Grumbling, Katsuki sets the bento into a reusable tote bag and sets off to make sure he gets there on time for Izuku’s meal break.
-
On the way, Katsuki yanks a pedestrian out the way of incoming traffic and berates the stupid fuck about the dangers of distracted texting. The cops only see Katsuki shoving his fingers at a random person cowering in fear, and ask if Katsuki’s trying to start a fight. Katsuki scoffs, “HAH? If I wanted to start a fight, I’d choose someone much stronger than this twerp.”
One of the officers leans in to squint at Katsuki, “You look familiar. That hair color is not very common in Japan. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ground Zero?”
“The only person I look like other than myself, is my mom . Now buzz off, I have to drop off lunch to my husband . Or do you want to be the reason Number One Hero Deku starves for lunch today?” The officer pales and they nudge each other back and forth out of Katsuki’s way as he shows off the glint of his freshly polished wedding ring featured on the spring edition of Hero Bridal 20XX.
“Please go ahead! So sorry about the confusion! We are big fans of Deku, congratulations on your marriage!”
Katsuki puffs his chest out in pride, shoulder checking the officers on his way to the agency. They should congratulate him, Katsuki only bags the best of the best.
-
Katsuki goes to the front desk, threatening to blow up the building if he doesn’t get to see Hero Deku. The receptionist pretends to look over the calendar on her computer, asking if Katsuki has an appointment. She clicks through a few shopping tabs like Katsuki can’t see it from the reflection of her glasses and his blood pressure skyrockets. Thankfully, Ochako rounds the corner and spots Katsuki inside the agency.
“Oh! Bakugou, what are you doing here? Congratulations on your marriage to Deku!” The receptionist freezes and Katsuki preens in her deep feelings of ‘oh-shit’ -ness.
“Round Face, I’m here for Deku but it seems like he’ll just DIE since SOMEONE doesn’t want me to drop off his lunch.”
“He’s not going to die if he doesn’t have lunch for one--”
“DEATH. EVERYONE WILL DIE SINCE DEKU CAN’T PROTECT THE CITY ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.”
“Bakugou , please--”
“VILLIANS WILL OVERRUN THE CITY I GUESS.”
“Kacchan?” Izuku brightens up at the sight of his husband, having overheard some commotion happening in the lobby.
“Nerd, I brought your lunch,” Katsuki says, pretending like he didn’t throw a giant hissy fit. Izuku warbles out his appreciation, giving Katsuki a tight hug and kisses all over his face like a dog. Katsuki pushes Izuku away with a palm to the face, face murderous.
“Not here, we’re in public,” Katsuki admonishes, allowing one more kiss to the cheek.
“Do you want to have lunch with me in my office,” Izuku asks shyly, lacing their fingers together and lightly swinging their arms back and forth. Katsuki melts a little bit, ignoring the way Ochako coos over their ‘honeymoon phase’ which-- fuck that --because this is how is it, and how it’s going to be for the rest of their lives.
“I gotta go meet your mom, prepare stuff for the class.”
“Doesn’t it start in another hour?”
“Do you want to keep your mom waiting, shit nerd?”
“You don’t have to try to make a good impression on her anymore Kacchan, we’re already married,” Izuku pouts. Katsuki gently squeezes Izuku’s hands in response.
“She’s your mom, dummy. Don’t you know anything about manners? Come home early for dinner, I’m making nabe because a lot of vegetables are in season right now. Bring home some good sake too.”
“Okay, I’ll miss you.”
“...miss you too…SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHITTY EXTRAS. DON’T YOU HAVE JOBS TO DO? GET BACK TO WORK.”
The receptionist turns back to her computer screen, pretending like she’s rereading some emails.
“I didn’t even say anything,” Ochako protests, where she was definitely video-recording the sappy moment to send to their friend group chat that Katsuki refused to be part of.
-
Katsuki makes sure everything is measured and tables are cleaned before everyone arrives. Middle aged women congregate into little cliques depending on who they want to team up with. Katsuki makes sure to greet his mother-in-law and all her friends as cordially as possible. He uses his best ‘patient’ voice as he tells the class,
“Make sure you don’t fucking add your melted butter too quickly or your yolks will scramble!”
“We want RUNNY EGGS! WHAT IS THIS? THIS IS HARD BOILED! DO IT AGAIN!”
“YOUR ENGLISH MUFFINS ARE HARD AS ROCKS! I WOULD NEVER SERVE THIS TO MY HUSBAND, THE FUCK! YOU’LL BREAK SOMEONE’S TEETH WITH THIS SHIT.”
“Auntie Inko, maybe you can use a little less salt but it looks very good. Also, maybe turn down the heat a bit, but it looks very good. Also, I think you spilled on your countertop, but that’s okay.”
As a surprise finishing touch to the successful (albit stressful) class, Katsuki makes everyone mimosas and bloody marys to go with their plates of eggs benedict because it’s the law of having weekend brunch. Katsuki is, afterall, aiming to be the head of the neighborhood watch committee within two years. He just has to overthrow the current formidable leader, Mitsuki Bakugou.
“My, your husband must be so lucky to have such a strong and handsome man as his spouse!” Katsuki puffs his chest; the best deserves the best.
“Isn’t he wonderful,” Inko laughs, preening over the praises showered upon her son-in-law. As the class ends, Bakugou presents his mother-in-law with a beautiful bouquet of flowers so she can bashfully accept in front of all her friends. He’d do it when they’re about to have dinner, but that’s the point of showing off how fucking perfect he is for her son.
-
Katsuki compares katsudon recipes with his mother-in-law on their walk home, complaining to each other how Izuku eats just like a child and how he’s so messy and leaves his clothes all over the place like a heathen. He is so engrossed in conversation he almost misses the signs that something is amiss. Katsuki pauses at the door, noting how there are rough scratch marks around the keyhole. Intruder.
Katsuki makes his mother-in-law stand behind him for safety as he kicks open his door and sends an explosive blast to the face of the unlucky snooping reporter that made the mistake of trying to get the inside scoop on Hero Deku’s beau. DSLR burned to hell, no one is convinced by the evidence-less gossip magazine column claiming: ‘Hero Deku in hostage marriage to Villain Ground Zero,’ especially when Deku releases a blurry instagram boomerang of a steaming hotpot captioned ‘nabe with my mom and the best husband in the world!’
‘wow! looks so good! restaurant quality!’
‘ommmggg deku eats the same brand tofu I buy’
‘Want to learn how to make 10k followers in ten days? DM or Click here bitly.lkkk.cioomm’
‘His husband plates up for him, ughhhh goals’
‘Hey doesn’t that look like Ground Zero?’